I need some help.

 

I recently came out on Facebook, so that everyone in my school and other social outlets know about it. I want a boyfriend, but have no idea how to a ), find another gay/bi male, and b ), actually initiate a relationship. Any advice?

Im gunna roughly assume your age is 15-16, At that age it can be quite a challenge, not to mention with the messed up society we have these days, can be difficult to "blend in", but more to the point. I HIGHLY advise staying away from online sites. There are a few Gay/Bi Dating sites for under 18's, BUT they are also a magnet for Over 18's as well. I took a test on this 2 years ago as I hit 17 and at least 3 Gays over 18 wanted me to see them for "Fun Times". (Basically DO NOT sell yourself short, stick to your age-group)as for actually finding a guy, usually there's a Gay/Bi community group close to each town that helps in these areas, You get to know others like you in your age groups, you have Proper Youth Advisers watching over you and to help you etc. I'd say your first step is to have a look at those, and if you choose to goto one (If your parents aren't aware your Gay/Bi), say to them your just going into town with a friend or something, and if you have a friend who knows, bring them along for morale support. Hopefully this helps.

You overshot my age by 2-3 years. My family doesn't know about it. Thanks for the advice. I'll look into it.

You overshot my age by 2-3 years. My family doesn't know about it. Thanks for the advice. I'll look into it.

You're only 13 and your gay? Firstly, at that age, dating is almost pointless. Next, it's going to be nearly impossible to find another gay at such a young age that lives by you. Good luck though. I just don't think you should bother worrying about it yet.

I've always been mature for my age. And impatient. A combination of the two is not pretty.

I've always been mature for my age. And impatient. A combination of the two is not pretty.

You're not the only one, Its quite frustrating.

Just posting an update, if anyone remembers what I said a week or so back... I had a dance yesterday night, with the guy I liked for like two years (I'd dated other people, but always had a bit of a crush on him). Some kid who's been borderline stalking me kept pushing in between me and him when we were dancing near eachother. At one point the creepy kid tried to grind with me, and my date saw and grabbed the kid's shirt, and threw him onto the ground. Violent yes, but it made me really happy. Especially since I had already told him to stop dancing with me like 3 times. Bleh.

 

Anyway, the dance went well other than that, which I'm happy about.

Just posting an update, if anyone remembers what I said a week or so back... I had a dance yesterday night, with the guy I liked for like two years (I'd dated other people, but always had a bit of a crush on him). Some kid who's been borderline stalking me kept pushing in between me and him when we were dancing near eachother. At one point the creepy kid tried to grind with me, and my date saw and grabbed the kid's shirt, and threw him onto the ground. Violent yes, but it made me really happy. Especially since I had already told him to stop dancing with me like 3 times. Bleh.

 

Anyway, the dance went well other than that, which I'm happy about.

Sounds like a good night all up, really glad to hear it! Hope things go well between you two.

I've always been mature for my age. And impatient. A combination of the two is not pretty.

You're not the only one, Its quite frustrating.

Mentally arrogant, sure, but are you guys socially arrogant?

I am ridiculously socially arrogant. For no good reason, to be honest. It's great fun.

So, I have a bit of a problem. It isn't bad at the moment, but I'm really hoping it won't escalate.

 

You see, my girlfriend's parents are the stereotypical "crazy asian parents" but taken to the next level. They are completely bat-[cabbage] insane. Not only are they extremely harsh on her need to get good grades, but they pretty much try and take away every bit of a social life she has. Both her and her brother (she is 17, her brother is 19) are unable to have a boyfriend/girlfriend (her brother is in college now though, not much they do about it now except yell at her -.- ) and she keeps the fact that she is with me a secret from them. She cannot drive and cannot have a cell phone. The only way we even get to see each other outside of school is band events (which are thankfully frequently).

 

That's just to give you an idea of how things are. Now last night after we got back to school from the band competition her mom came into the band room because she apparently was taking to long to get out and leave. Now, when her mom came in we were standing with a group of people and I was hugging her, a simple hug, no more. Her mom gave me the dirtiest look I've ever received and dragged her out of there. She called me this morning and said her mom then told her that "she isn't allowed to hug anyone ever again and must leave immediately after all band events and school are done". Her mom also spent about thirty minutes snooping through everything in her room and watching what she was doing.

 

So i don't want to confront her mom for sure and I don't want her to do it either (she'd probably get kicked out if her mom knew she had a boyfriend). So I think for the moment it's best to just continue on as we have before, just make sure we arent seen kissing/hugging/holding hands/anything together when her mom could be near.

Tbh I'd just move on. You're in high school so there is only a tiny chance it will go anywhere anyway. You're swimming against the current for no reason. When she becomes more attached to you she's probably going to be more open to her parents about defying them, and you're just going to get her in trouble with them. You don't see her alone much anyway, and you have to 'watch out when hugging' so what's the point in even calling it a relationship?

 

Might as well just be friends and put your energy elsewhere.

 

I am ridiculously socially arrogant. For no good reason, to be honest. It's great fun.

 

Sure is :thumbup:

lolololol

Tbh I'd just move on. You're in high school so there is only a tiny chance it will go anywhere anyway. You're swimming against the current for no reason. When she becomes more attached to you she's probably going to be more open to her parents about defying them, and you're just going to get her in trouble with them. You don't see her alone much anyway, and you have to 'watch out when hugging' so what's the point in even calling it a relationship?

 

Might as well just be friends and put your energy elsewhere.

 

I am ridiculously socially arrogant. For no good reason, to be honest. It's great fun.

 

Sure is :thumbup:

 

I don't want to move on, I like her quite a bit. It has a high chance of not going anywhere, sure, but why does that mean it should end, in that case, why would anyone date anyone in high school? I see her alone about 3 or 4 times a week due to band things, and for a few hours throughout the day during school. I honestly doubt that if I was with someone else much would change since my schedule is generally kinda busy. We have to watch out for being around her parents. Her parents are only around when picking her up after school.

You're 15, just have fun man. Why get caught up in the girlfriend bs when her parents are fighting against it and you're busy with school?

 

I suggest taking a leaf out of lenticular's book, (who iirc is the same age as you) and have fun with girls instead of worrying about relationships.

 

Other than that there isn't anything else I can advise. If you stay with her chances are you will get more attached to each other, causing more problems with her parents and therefore yourselves.

 

Parents are stubborn - things will only get worse unless they suddenly have a change of heart. Then again you could win the lotto and pay them to get off your backs.

You're 15, just have fun man. Why get caught up in the girlfriend bs when her parents are fighting against it and you're busy with school?

 

I suggest taking a leaf out of lenticular's book, (who iirc is the same age as you) and have fun with girls instead of worrying about relationships.

 

Other than that there isn't anything else I can advise. If you stay with her chances are you will get more attached to each other, causing more problems with her parents and therefore yourselves.

 

Parents are stubborn - things will only get worse unless they suddenly have a change of heart. Then again you could win the lotto and pay them to get off your backs.

 

I dunno why, but I view just having fun with girls and that sort of thing as not good. But then again, I prefer relationships a hell of a lot more to one-night stands or random dates.

That my friend, is what is known as a limiting belief.

What I don't get about Lent is how he gets dates all the time and not end up with a lot of girls that want a relationship with him while he doesn't...

I dunno, sometimes it sucks not being in a real relationship. My friends all have girlfriends and always wanna do stuff that generally ends up with them going off and cuddling, which I won't do with a girl I just called up to go hang out so I wouldn't be some kind of fifth wheel (I'm not anyways, unless my friends are completely alone with a girl they need me to make them look anti-dull). It's kind of lame. Makes life a lot easier for me, but it can be annoying. Plus, having a girlfriend in high school is a lot like a rite of passage. Even if you go out with a different girl(ish) every week(ish) and have way more fun than the people who've been dating for two months (but have had sex like three times), you're looked down on a little.

 

I think you should try and make it work. Honestly, if she confronts her parents (not you, in fact, you shouldn't be there if she does), it will make her life better period. Parents that overbearing can mess up a kid's whole life.

 

But, anyways. Fun is fun, relationships can make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Of course, I carry around my flask of whiskey, so that warm fuzzy feeling is only a gulp away anyways.

 

EDIT: Harrdyharrinator, it's about 50% luck and 50% me telling them that I'm not really looking for a relationship. Plus, I try and find girls I don't go to high school with, and more often than not, are in different grades. Girls, even girls are age, are surprisingly open to just having some fun if you're up front about it. Most guys ask a girl out and expect to be called a couple; not only does it make it easier on you, but it makes you seem like more of a prize if you make it seem like a girl has to work to earn the girlfriend title.

 

That's how I see it, anyways. Nothing wrong with a little hard work - for anyone.

 

Plus, I don't think I've hung out with more than 8 different girls since school started, you know. That isn't really a whole lot.

I've always been mature for my age. And impatient. A combination of the two is not pretty.

You're not the only one, Its quite frustrating.

Mentally arrogant, sure, but are you guys socially arrogant?

 

I would consider myself so.

Even if you go out with a different girl(ish) every week(ish) and have way more fun than the people who've been dating for two months (but have had sex like three times), you're looked down on a little.

 

Ha! Took me three months (Jan) just to lose my virginity to my Ex, and I still haven't had sex since, and I'm 19 this Friday! T'is a sad life down under. <_<

Even if you go out with a different girl(ish) every week(ish) and have way more fun than the people who've been dating for two months (but have had sex like three times), you're looked down on a little.

 

Ha! Took me three months (Jan) just to lose my virginity to my Ex, and I still haven't had sex since, and I'm 19 this Friday! T'is a sad life down under. <_<

There are better things in life. :smile:

I don't see why sex matters so much. I'd rather be with someone I want to have a long relationship with, without sex, than short ones with lots of sex. But then, I'm not keeping up with the times am I?

I don't see why sex matters so much. I'd rather be with someone I want to have a long relationship with, without sex, than short ones with lots of sex. But then, I'm not keeping up with the times am I?

Well I'd give you my life story but thats too long, so the short side is: Yes, Its a necessity in my sad, un-exciting lifestyle.

I don't see why sex matters so much. I'd rather be with someone I want to have a long relationship with, without sex, than short ones with lots of sex. But then, I'm not keeping up with the times am I?

 

Really? What's the difference between friendship and love if you take sex out of the equation? Sex is the thing I miss most when I'm single. But I do define sex as physical proximity in the large sense.

I don't see why sex matters so much. I'd rather be with someone I want to have a long relationship with, without sex, than short ones with lots of sex. But then, I'm not keeping up with the times am I?

 

Really? What's the difference between friendship and love if you take sex out of the equation? Sex is the thing I miss most when I'm single. But I do define sex as physical proximity in the large sense.

 

That was just my personal opinion, and therefore does not reflect anyone elses views.

 

I do see what you mean about the friendship and love thing, and I'm not saying sex is wrong or bad or that you'll go to hell for it, but I just can't see why it matters so much.