I don't think I'll ever like clubbing much...

I don't think I'll ever like clubbing much...

 

As a place to have fun, I enjoy it. But I don't really consider ever having a meaningful relationship with anyone I have met inside a club.

Have any of you guys got long distance relationship experience? If so what's it like because I've entered one it seems.

 

Google seems to be viewing this thread...

Have any of you guys got long distance relationship experience? If so what's it like because I've entered one

 

Google seems to be viewing this thread...

From this thread's experiences...

 

1) Try hard and it'll work

2) It'll fail

3) It'll fail

4) It'll fail

5) It'll fail

 

:---)

Have any of you guys got long distance relationship experience? If so what's it like because I've entered one it seems.

 

Google seems to be viewing this thread...

I'm in a LDR right now and have been for almost two years. This kind of relationship will only work if you are extremely focused on the long-term aspect of your relationship and if you think this person could be "the one." If both of you are not extremely dedicated to making the relationship work, it probably won't. If you prefer to be in a relationship to "just have fun" or get laid, it won't work and frankly, it's not worth even trying. But if you truly love this person and could possibly imagine marrying them some day (and they feel the same about you), you should definitely give it a try and there is a chance it will work out. But you have to exercise patience, understanding, and trust. You will probably have to put more effort into the relationship to keep it afloat. In a regular relationship, you can often get by without putting in extra effort because "just being together" is so easy and that's often enough. But in a LDR you can't "just be together." You have to make an effort to communicate and find activities that you can "do" together without actually being together.

I had one for about 4 months. I was in my first year of college, she was working in my hometown taking a break from school. Didn't go well because 1) there's so many girls to meet at college 2) no physical contact 3) no real time to talk seriously and spend a lot of time together (kinda similar to 2).

 

I'd say unless you're head over heels for the girl and you both think you can do it and have a plan, don't expect it to last long. :\

Have any of you guys got long distance relationship experience? If so what's it like because I've entered one it seems.

 

Google seems to be viewing this thread...

I'm in a LDR right now and have been for almost two years. This kind of relationship will only work if you are extremely focused on the long-term aspect of your relationship and if you think this person could be "the one." If both of you are not extremely dedicated to making the relationship work, it probably won't. If you prefer to be in a relationship to "just have fun" or get laid, it won't work and frankly, it's not worth even trying. But if you truly love this person and could possibly imagine marrying them some day (and they feel the same about you), you should definitely give it a try and there is a chance it will work out. But you have to exercise patience, understanding, and trust. You will probably have to put more effort into the relationship to keep it afloat. In a regular relationship, you can often get by without putting in extra effort because "just being together" is so easy and that's often enough. But in a LDR you can't "just be together." You have to make an effort to communicate and find activities that you can "do" together without actually being together.

 

Very nice post. Although I would add that luck is a factor too. Even if both partners make their best efforts in keeping things going, sometimes it just wasn't meant to be.

 

If you can maintain a functional long-distance relationship, then you are an exception and should be proud.

Very nice post. Although I would add that luck is a factor too. Even if both partners make their best efforts in keeping things going, sometimes it just wasn't meant to be.

 

If you can maintain a functional long-distance relationship, then you are an exception and should be proud.

I'd prefer to call it "compatibility" over "luck" but I guess finding someone you are compatible with is luck :P

Thanks for the advice, I may as well give it a go as I have nothing to lose.

 

We get a long well and for once I actually have an understanding of the girl. Hopefully, if we can navigate a year in a long distance relationship it will all become a bit easier when I move up north nearer to her for university as she is not applying for another two years.

 

Though this may all be futile as I may end up living permanently in America this time next year.

Going to the club on Tuesday night, not really a relationship question (well maybe) but how hard is it to pick up decent women there when your not drunk?

 

Almost everyone at the club (assuming it's not just a high class bar) will be tipsy to absolutely smashed, so it makes relatively little difference whether you are or not.

 

[hide=Read if you want to]Pretty all of the communication you make will be physical and not verbal, so you will have to get up close and personal (but not in a creepy or unwarranted way. Basically, don't just start grinding on every female).

 

I've actually 'tested' the physical/verbal thing in a 'high-end' club (Cafe De Paris in London, if anyone is interested), and the initial physical contact was aided by a wingman (he 'accidentally' forced my hand into her posterior. I do not recommend this though, since this was done on someone who was sitting down, not dancing), when she turned around, we started chatting about inane crap (because the music was loud, it actually matters very little what you say, which is my point), but I built up the physical contact through touching, and eventually dancing.

 

Basically, just be confident. If you can show that you're confident in everything you do, that will be your way in. If you get rejected, don't worry about it, just move onto the next one.[/hide]

 

This sounds really seedy, but it is literally just how simple it is to do it.

 

 

Good. An excellent place to rediscover my balls.

 

(Figurativly speaking. I know quite where they are >.>)

What is this curse?

 

So a few nights ago i decided to drag my sad ass out of the house and go to a party with a few of my friends. So we show up at this party and everyone there's basically 2 or 3 years older than i am. I didn't really know anyone except for a few people here and there and of course the friends i went with. So while fixing myself a drink the girl next to me at the bar randomly starts a conversation with me. She noticed that i was just drinking plain coke. So we started talking about drinking an drinking habits and as per usual the conversation started drifting to different topics and before i knew it i had been standing there for almost an hour and a half talking to her. I wasn't in the best of moods so i didn't exactly try to "chat her up", if you will. Only then did i realize how pretty she actually was. Tall, long black hair and a very pretty smile. I suddenly found myself very attracted to her, only problem was that she's 23, and i'm still 20. This might not seem like a big problem but where i live it kind of is. The only thing to really do in this country is to go clubbing and for that you need to be 21+. But i didn't really think about that. I'm moving away soon, so a relationship is not exactly what i want right now.

 

But this got me thinking about all the past relationships i have been in. How completely screwed up they have been. My first ever girlfiriend in highschool was one of the popular girls. I myself was never exactly in the popular crowd. I knew it would never last more than a month or two, but i was dead set on having her, and so i did. 2 Months later it ended.

The next girlfriend i has, same thing. She was the clubbing, dancing kind of girl. I was the laid back, lets sit around the campfire and sing kumbaya kind of guy. I knew it would never work, but i wanted her and so i had her. 3 Months later it ended.

Then i moved to Qatar and i met a girl. She was 14. I was 17 going on 18. My parents would KILL me, and i knew it. But she was pretty (almost too pretty) and she was sweet. I wanted her, so i had her. 3 Months later we broke up because the age difference started freaking me out.

After that i met another girl. Really into hip-hop/rnb, i was into metal. She hated the fact that i was never seen in anything other than skinnyjeans. I knew that it would not last. We were way to different, not just because of music taste and style but because of the people who hung out with. It, too, ended shortly after it started.

Then i met my ex. I knew from the start my parents would never accept it, but i did it anyway. I never intended for it to go as far as it did. But for the first time i was actually in a relationship with someone that was kind of like me. Almost exactly like me. We dated on and off (mostly on) for about 16 month before i moved back to South Africa for a while. We decided to "take a break" while i was away. While in South Africa i met a girl. She worked across from the CD store i worked at. Gorgeous. Only problem was that she was a BIG Christian. Serious about her religion. I can't give two [cabbage]s about a god and i knew that if she knew that it wouldn't last a day. Apart from that we got on so great. I had some of the best times of my life with her. We would go to any random spot in the city and walk away with memories. She was great, but i knew it would never last. 3 Months later (the day of my 20th birthday) she breaks up with me. I got the whole "its not you its me" speech from her, but i was pretty much prepared for it since the day i met her.

 

So thinking back, about all of this, it seems that i always try and go for the girl that suits me the worst. The girl that i would never be able to have a real relationship with. Either cultural, religious or personal differences. It seems like i sabotage my relationships before they are even formed. It's gotten so bad that i ended up choosing a career path that would make having a relationship really, really hard.

 

 

But then there's the other side of the coin. Even with all of this, all of the stupidity, there's something i've never been able to understand. To be frank, i'm a [bleep]. I pretty much say what's on my mind and i could't care less who gets hurt by it. If i think you're an idiot i'll say it. I see no point in lying to someone. If my girlfriend at that time was acting like a [bleep] i would tell her so. I'm a really hard guy. But girls still seem to trust me really quickly and easily. I remember two girls that "gave me their flower" (i really have no idea how to put this any better, so my apologies), after dating them for no more than 8 days. I always asked them why so fast, and why me. I would always get a similar response: Even if this doesn't work out, you're the first person i have felt this kind of trust for.

I managed to get the Christian girl out of her skin a bit, and have fun. I took her clubbing and dancing even though she had never been to one (and she was 22 years old). I'm not trying to brag by saying i can get a girl to go to bed with me after knowing her a week or i can get a girl to do anything i want, because honestly i think my life would have been much less complicated if i chose to say no IM NOT READY.

 

I'm sorry for writing this huge wall of text. I just don't understand why i do this to myself. I give myself the illusion of happiness but i don't think i ever really am.

 

Props to who ever reads all of this :\

Noxx it's not a curse, you just find yourself attracted to people who aren't very much like you, but it's not about how you dress, or what god [if any] you worship, it's about understanding and enjoying one another. I was, and am still, very unlike my ex, but we get along fine for the most part, and dated off and on for 3 and a half years. People are different, this is what makes relationships interesting, the opportunity to learn and grow together. Would you honestly want to date a female clone of yourself? I sure as hell wouldn't. Opposites attract. Just because you aren't exactly the same in every aspect is not grounds for the ending of a relationship.

Maybe you weren't attracted to them because of their differences/the impossibility of the relationship. Maybe you were just looking for someone to get attention from and give attention to. It just so happened that these girls were available and were willing to give you attention for a while.

 

Also, it may take time before differences really emerge as problematic (though religion is, in almost all cases, a big relationship breaker if either person takes it seriously). You both may have thought at first that it wouldn't impact much, but as time went on, you found that it did form barriers.

 

You just have to find a girl who has differences that are 'okay' with you.

 

That's my two cents.

Well for one thing I wouldn't want to be with a girl who lets me deflower her after dating her for 8 days. That just shows a lack of principles, reservation and introspection, no matter how into you [pun] they are. I hope you don't take that as me being a douche, that's just how I see it.

 

But those relationship endings don't seem to be your fault. As the cliche' goes, opposites attract, and normally I don't accept cliche's but from first hand experience I know it is true. As Duff said you just have to find a girl who accepts the differences between you.

Okay, I saw this girl saturday. Things happened. Now, why from Sunday has she pretty much ignored me? She didn't ignore me after we left, we continued to text for a couple of hours before I fell asleep on the Saturday evening, but on the Sunday I would receive one text an hour if I was lucky. Now it's Monday and i've heard nothing.. Maybe I'm just being too eager as we've text constantly everyday all day for the past month. But then again she has almost been to eager before she simply said she needed to "chill."

 

Basically,

 

Is there a reason for this quietness or is it just me?

When do you start a conversation and when do you not?

Why are girls so bloody difficult?

You're thinking way too much into it, quit being needy and give her space. Talk to other girls in the meantime, you never know what will happen.

 

 

Well for one thing I wouldn't want to be with a girl who lets me deflower her after dating her for 8 days. That just shows a lack of principles, reservation and introspection, no matter how into you [pun] they are. I hope you don't take that as me being a douche, that's just how I see it.

I think this kind of thinking is a big reason so so many guys call it 'getting lucky.' why would that mean she has a lack principals? Do you label girls as either a virgin or [bleep]?

I think what you really mean is that she has a lack of your principals, and doesn't behave the way you think she should.

 

We're emotional animals, women doubly so.

 

Women tend to stay away from guys that don't get it, and are judgmental of their sexuality.

And guys with certain morals tend to stay away from women who appear to have none of the same ;)

 

If he feels that sexual exclusivity is a desirable trait, it's perfectly reasonable to avoid women who don't share that opinion, provided he also lives that out himself.

As I understood it, all she did was have sex after a week of dating, she was still sexually exclusive.

Sexual selectiveness, perhaps, is a better phrase. The point is that not everyone considerings quickly jumping into a sexual relationship to be a good idea; and they're entitled to that opinion.

I personally wouldn't consider that quickly jumping into a sexual relationship unless she was like 16.

It just seems like being that judgmental about something like that is treating women like a 1 dimensional being.

 

Of course he is entitled to that opinion, I just think it's unhealthy and unhelpful.

I personally wouldn't consider that quickly jumping into a sexual relationship unless she was like 16.

It just seems like being that judgmental about something like that is treating women like a 1 dimensional being.

 

Of course he is entitled to that opinion, I just think it's unhealthy and unhelpful.

Well, let's put it this way. What would you think of a woman who didn't want to have sex with you until marriage? Would you still date her?

I think it would be more productive to wonder whether or not it is unhealthy to think in this way than to wonder whether or not he's entitled to his opinion. Not that we'll make any conclusions or whatever.

Well the reason I ask is that I think a lot of guys (on this thread and elsewhere) would immediately write off a woman who wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. I think it's silly and nonsensical that it's acceptable to judge a woman for not wanting to have sex, but not for wanting to have sex.

That question has way too many variables to answer in black and white.

However I wouldn't think she has a lack of principals or think less of her for that if that's what you're after.

I think that way of thinking is just as common and just as bad as the one I'm talking about though.

would i date a girl that slept with me after a week of knowing her?

 

I'd have her checked, but it's plausable

 

would i date a girl that wouldn't sleep with me until marriage?

 

perhaps for a short time period, unless she really ends up being THAT amazing. but that's highly improbable.