"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Iamdan]

I figured I was just better off giving advice on what I knew from experience.

 

I mean I've given some advice on things other than initial attraction because I know a bit of general psychology and can understand the way men/women think a bit better than average, but it still feels a bit like I'm talking out my [wagon] because I haven't had much experience with long term relationships. With one I can say 'I've done this 100 times, I KNOW that what I'm saying is right.' and the other is more like 'Well theoretically it should work like this, give it a whirl but don't come crying if you get exiled.'

[Lenticular_J]

Lent, you say that, but you've got to remember.. This thread used to have people asking about all kinds of relationship problems.

 

And what does Ginger being English have to do with anything?

And now it doesn't. I doubt I'd be much help anyways.

 

Plus, you know exactly what it has to do with things.

[Kiriyama]

Perhaps it doesn't now because of the advice that has been given mainly to people with problems?

 

And if I knew what being English had to do with this exact subject, I wouldn't have asked. So please, tell me.

[RpgGamer]

I don't think it's that we don't have a lot of relationship advisors, so much as we don't have alot of relationship related questions. Let's face it. The only questions we get on here are "I like a girl...now what?" and "how do I lose this chick?". There was a time when I was more than happy to help out people get into relationships. Actual ones. But I've since realized that at the age bracket of this forum...such things are simply impossible, save for a pipe-dream. Maybe it's my own personal cynacism in light of recent events, but I don't see much purpose in a full-blown relationship at such a young age. We're young. We're supposed to gain experience, learn lessons, and make mistakes. I've been in a very serious relationship. In total [there was a lot of off and on] it was a little over two years. Starting from when I was 15. Looking back...I wonder what the hell I was thinking with my rose-tinted glasses. I regret nothing, but I have to wonder how on Earth I thought it would ever work out.

 

So go ahead. Ask relationship advice. But to receive such questions, the inquirer usually has to be in a relationship already. And luckily, we have a few "staff" members on this thread willing to help those in need, and get them to even that point. I've come to this thread many times with actual relationship advice. Honestly, alot of the time the answer was "throw her back and catch a new fish". But sometimes, there'd be a more understanding answer [usually from Goddess or Ginger, retrospectively] that told me otherwise. I've wanted to aspire to that role in my "guru" status. But sometimes...it just doens't work out like that. I'm not Ginger. 'm not Goddess. I never will be. No one will. But now we have Lent and Dan running the show, with occasional opposition from flyingjj. The thread has certainly lost its balance of opinions, but it's integrety remains the same.

[Joes_So_Cool]

I know that there are plenty of people here who can give advice on keeping a relationship going. The thing is, the only advice that gets asked for is how to get the girl in the first place, and then how to break it off with her

 

What's wrong with that? If someone doesn't want to ask, then they don't? I don't get what your post is about?

[i_love_burritos]

It's probably because (over) half the kids on this board are under 18 and don't even have the stones to get in a relationship to begin with.

 

Lent aren't you 15 ? What are you trying to get at ?

[Tim]

It's probably because (over) half the kids on this board are under 18 and don't even have the stones to get in a relationship to begin with.

 

Lent aren't you 15 ? What are you trying to get at ?

Or some of us Adults merely didn't grow up with a fun childhood and didn't actually have a chance to HAVE a relationship. Just thought I'd point that out while were here.

[TTanT]

Well, I know this thread helped me, for one. That relationship you guys helped me get into back in January? Still chugging along without a single argument or problem. :grin:

[RpgGamer]

Well, I know this thread helped me, for one. That relationship you guys helped me get into back in January? Still chugging along without a single argument or problem.

 

 

:thumbup:

 

and for reasons such as this, is why I stick around. I was once able to say the same thing. Someday, I may be able to do so again. Who knows? This thread will. That's who.

[Omar]

Back to your original comment, though, I don't post much around here since I feel like I'm from a completely different "school of thought" than everyone else around here, so my advice always conflicts with theirs.

Just give it a try, something good can work :)

[Iamdan]

Back to your original comment, though, I don't post much around here since I feel like I'm from a completely different "school of thought" than everyone else around here, so my advice always conflicts with theirs.

Just give it a try, something good can work :)

 

My ideas used to conflict with everyone, now they're generally accepted.

[Furah]

Back to your original comment, though, I don't post much around here since I feel like I'm from a completely different "school of thought" than everyone else around here, so my advice always conflicts with theirs.

Just give it a try, something good can work :)

 

My ideas used to conflict with everyone, now they're generally accepted.

People have started to notice that your ideas work.

[Omar]

People have started to notice that your ideas work.

That, or they're tired of disagreeing. :P

[Iamdan]

Or that. What I meant was it doesn't matter if his advice is different. If it works then it will catch on.

 

If I haven't tried it before then I'd be open to anything.

[RpgGamer]

If i remember correctly Goddess left for two reasons

1) her real life demanded more attention than we did

2) she was tired of arguing petty things with certain people of this thread [who I don't think post on the thread anymore at this point]

 

and Ginger left because he "grew up"

 

now we're on the second wave of gurus. Something tells me that Muggi, flyingjj, and Harrinator are going to be the third generation. But lets not rush things here.

[Omar]

Harrinator

That's news to me.

[muggiwhplar]

I don't see myself as a major benefactor on this thread any time soon. My advice is too "long-term" and personal for anyone to consider at their age. My philosophy towards social interactions/women revolves wholly about the concept of "inner game," as you guys call it, and being natural and comfortable with yourself and everything you do. You can teach someone "outer game," however you cannot teach someone inner game. Outer game gets you sex quickly and efficiently, but does not help relationships (in fact, it usually hurts them). Inner game doesn't get you sex as quickly or efficiently, however it's critical for maintaining a relationship. If you have a solid, secure inner self, then your outer self is just a reflection of it, and it's very natural and genuine. Basically what I'm saying is, if you've mastered inner game, then "outer game" shouldn't even be in your vocabulary.

 

Now, a quick history lesson-- seduction principles emerged from a site called Fastseduction. Keyword: fast. These guys weren't interested in relationships-- just sex, as quickly and efficiently as possible. Thus, when you start mixing PUA principles with relationships, things start getting messy. This is also why I become concerned when people on here seem interested in a relationship, but are given seduction advice. However, if the people around here really are only interested in a [bleep] buddy (which, by the way, is not a relationship), then by all means, use those techniques to your hearts content.

 

Anyway, this thread mostly seems to be focused on seduction nowadays rather than building or maintaining a relationship. Thus, my advice isn't really helpful. However, even if every visitor on this thread came asking about questions on how to enter a relationship or how to manage their relationship, I feel that my advice would still be somewhat irrelevant. You can't teach inner game to someone. Basically all I can do is try to inspire people to start developing themselves, as an investment for their future. Even then, it's not like I can guide them very far using this forum as a medium. I'm not their friend in real life, I'm just a stranger on the internet using foreign examples. It's unrealistic of me to expect people to hang on my every word around here and take the initiative to begin their lifelong journey of self-improvement.

 

So...

 

If i remember correctly Goddess left for two reasons

1) her real life demanded more attention than we did

2) she was tired of arguing petty things with certain people of this thread [who I don't think post on the thread anymore at this point]

 

and Ginger left because he "grew up"

 

now we're on the second wave of gurus. Something tells me that Muggi, flyingjj, and Harrinator are going to be the third generation. But lets not rush things here.

 

Rain check on that one ;)

[Iamdan]

Having outer but no inner game gets you nowhere, not even casual sex really. You do need both.

 

You can teach inner game, it's just much harder to do which is why I can see you wouldn't bother. Taking all that time and chances are it wouldn't be followed anyway. I wouldn't ever try it over the internet. The best I can do for that is recommending a book called mastering your hidden self.

 

The only way I see outer game hurting a relationship would be having no inner game and bumbling into it by chance. (maybe with a shallow girl)

[mywork08]

check it out

how to catch girlfriend

[Tim]

Having outer but no inner game gets you nowhere, not even casual sex really. You do need both.

And in some cases, were not sexually attractive enough. as women can be just as shallow as men. (not all of either gender obviously.)

 

and Goddess signed on MSN just now. (random fact)

[RpgGamer]

Well muggi, you can make all the claims you want, but the threads "direction" isn't going to change unless people like you step up and change it. Personally...I don't know what i want out of women anymore. I want the security of a relationship...but I REALLY want to have a problem free [bleep] buddy kind of thing. So I can't even ask advice until I figure out what it is that I want. I'd like to encourage you to post a little more on this thread, jsut for the contrasting opinion on things. Especially because I can not guarentee my consistancy emotionally, or post wise in the next few months. We need opinions from both sides of the spectrum. And admittingly, the thread is a little too geared toward casual relationships, as opposed to real ones. I know my excuse. I know Dan's "excuse". I know Lent's logic. But we could use someone with your mentality on the "guru" side of things.

[Scorcheddd]

I think the biggest problem guys have on this thread (Self included) is the initial in with the girl for a multitude of reasons.

 

My problem is that I know literally everyone at my high school :/ all 400 kids. Everyones got their social clicks that have been together for years and the girls I hangout with I've talked with them and none really sparked that much interest with me. I need to meet more girls outside of school, like I posted around the turn of the new year about advice with a girl that I took as a Blind Date to my schools homecoming. I blew that because I couldn't really tell that she was into me. I thought she just wanted to be friends, but looking back I realize that she did have interest in me (and is now with a different guy :mellow: )

 

If tomorrow when I went out and met a girl and it ended up in a long lasting relationship, I'd be the happiest man alive. I envy couples that are really close and are always together, always having someone to talk to, someone to be with. Bleh, I can't wait for college...

[Giordano]

But we could use someone with your mentality on the "guru" side of things.

:unsure:

 

Well... that was the first time I've ever seen somebody allow Muggi's type of advice to go unflamed. Heh.

 

Anyway, I always thought the problem of this thread was that some people followed Dan's or Lent's advice a bit too seriously and unquestionably. I was confinced if Dan/Lent said to light your pants on fire and jump off a cliff some people WOULD of done it. A bit too desperate for a relationship I suppose. Which is a great issue I have with these types that "go having a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend". Most likely thinking indirectly they're going to get laid.

 

Eh, I'm just mumbling crap now. Carry on.

[mywork08]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7He-jRZ4DgQ

[Romy]

Well muggi, you can make all the claims you want, but the threads "direction" isn't going to change unless people like you step up and change it. Personally...I don't know what i want out of women anymore. I want the security of a relationship...but I REALLY want to have a problem free [bleep] buddy kind of thing. So I can't even ask advice until I figure out what it is that I want. I'd like to encourage you to post a little more on this thread, jsut for the contrasting opinion on things. Especially because I can not guarentee my consistancy emotionally, or post wise in the next few months. We need opinions from both sides of the spectrum. And admittingly, the thread is a little too geared toward casual relationships, as opposed to real ones. I know my excuse. I know Dan's "excuse". I know Lent's logic. But we could use someone with your mentality on the "guru" side of things.

 

Ask yourself why you want each one. Then ask yourself which "why" is a stronger one.

 

You could also add an idea behind the 2 scenarios (how you're going to achieve each, who's the optimal girl for each, etc).

 

 

 

Breaking problems apart usually helps deciding. Good luck (and I hope you'll go for steady relations...)