"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[RpgGamer]

Am I wrong or is kissing on the first date an obligation? I mean, unless the date is an absolute disaster [and not the funny kind].

[Romy]

Am I wrong or is kissing on the first date an obligation? I mean, unless the date is an absolute disaster [and not the funny kind].

 

An obligation? Why would it be an obligation?

 

 

Sure, it's an advantage, but some people are shy, you know.

[helpmeownlife]

RPG (lolz I'm the one giving advice this time =D), most people consider it an obligation, although that word has such a negative conversation. I heard a very useful peace of advice when I was studying: if she's hold your hand, chances are, she wants, or at least would be ok with you kissing her. Some people even go as far to say that if you don't kiss on the first date, there's nothing there.

[Romy]

I disagree.

 

I've had quite a few first dates that didn't result in a kiss, but we ended up together.

 

 

I'm not talking only about "formal" dates though. :unsure:

[obfuscator]

I disagree.

 

I've had quite a few first dates that didn't result in a kiss, but we ended up together.

 

 

I'm not talking only about "formal" dates though. :unsure:

Agreed. There's no need to rush things - if someone doesn't want to kiss on the first date you should learn to live with that. It doesn't automatically doom a relationship by any means.

[Amaranth_GTO]

Am I wrong or is kissing on the first date an obligation? I mean, unless the date is an absolute disaster [and not the funny kind].

It depends. If you do kiss on the first date, then it's a lot more likely that there will be a second date. But it's not an obligation, some people really don't want to and it doesn't always kill the relationship.

 

Also, I know I'm pretty late with this, but remember the twins I was talking about? I asked them about guys, and they said that it used to be a problem when they were like 13, but they grew out of it and now usually never like the same guy... and they both have boyfriends. Damn. Oh well, I just got back from hanging out with this other girl. Turns out she goes to camp next week for like a month, so hopefully this'll be a fun week for me.

[aquariusman]

Well, I guess it's settled for me then. Thanks a lot guys!

I'm going to disagree with everyone and say that you should do it as soon as possible. Waiting for her to come back, dragging out the relationship for weeks, is just disrespecting her. She'll be away thinking and dreaming that she'll come back to you and everything will be perfect, and then you'll drop the bomb of you two breaking up. If you break up now, she'll have the vacation to recover, maybe even find someone else to fool around with.

 

Think of what's going to happen when she comes back and you break up with her.How are you going to explain your reasons? Are you going to lie to her say it was because she was gone for too long? You can't say you're her friend if you do that. I'd like to know why people think it's better to drag out a break-up.

[Romy]

I'm on the fence here. Neither action seems ideal for me, that's why I never said anything about it. :unsure:

[Blake]

Well, I guess it's settled for me then. Thanks a lot guys!

I'm going to disagree with everyone and say that you should do it as soon as possible. Waiting for her to come back, dragging out the relationship for weeks, is just disrespecting her. She'll be away thinking and dreaming that she'll come back to you and everything will be perfect, and then you'll drop the bomb of you two breaking up. If you break up now, she'll have the vacation to recover, maybe even find someone else to fool around with.

 

Think of what's going to happen when she comes back and you break up with her.How are you going to explain your reasons? Are you going to lie to her say it was because she was gone for too long? You can't say you're her friend if you do that. I'd like to know why people think it's better to drag out a break-up.

 

My dad said the EXACT same thing, even down to the fooling around part. I just don't want to ruin her trip though, she leaves Friday (today is Tuesday).

[Iamdan]

A kiss isn't an obligation on the first date. It's not about the date, or what she says, or whether she laughs at your jokes. It's about her level of attraction, body language and emotional investment in you. Do those compliance tests I've talked about to see whether she wants to kiss you or not.

 

I broke up with a girl right before a trip and she said she wished I waited. It would be different for each girl though.

[tripsis]

The way I see it:

 

If you break up with a girl after the trip, she'll enjoy the trip but feel like a bit of a fool afterwards (for missing you, thinking of you, etc.).

 

If you break up with a girl before the trip, she'll either have a miserable time and the trip will be ruined because she's upset OR she'll be upset for a bit but the trip will allow her to relax and maybe escape from it all and seek out other opportunities. This one greatly depends on what kind of person she is.

 

Maybe the first option is wrong since you're intentionally dragging it out.. but based on the above, it seems like the option with less of a risk.

[Furah]

A good rule of thumb for kissing is when she starts looking at your lips. Always followed this rule and it's never turned out bad because of it. :thumbsup:

[Blake]

The way I see it:If you break up with a girl after the trip, she'll enjoy the trip but feel like a bit of a fool afterwards (for missing you, thinking of you, etc.).If you break up with a girl before the trip, she'll either have a miserable time and the trip will be ruined because she's upset OR she'll be upset for a bit but the trip will allow her to relax and maybe escape from it all and seek out other opportunities. This one greatly depends on what kind of person she is.Maybe the first option is wrong since you're intentionally dragging it out.. but based on the above, it seems like the option with less of a risk.

 

The thing is, she really does still like me a lot, and she will miss me. So waiting won't drag it out for her, because she likes me a lot, just for me. But if I do it before the trip, she's the kind of girl that I think would at least try to get over it soon and have fun, but i'm not 100% sure if it would ruin it or not.

 

A good rule of thumb for kissing is when she starts looking at your lips. Always followed this rule and it's never turned out bad because of it. :thumbsup:

 

I've read on a few places and heard from friends that if you reach up and touch her hair and she doesn't try to stop you, then you can kiss her. It was called the kissing test or something.

[RpgGamer]

negative conversation.

 

connotation ;)

 

I've always figured that if you're able to say "yes" to the guy [or girl in the seldom case] you're okay with the responsibility of the high likelyhood that there will be lip-to-lip contact of some sort. The that kiss would be either good or bad, which then allows further judgment for the possibility of a second date. This of course all falls under a "formal" date, which personally I'm much more comfortable in and operate a lot better under. There's also the whole "90/10" thing that was taught to us by the lovely movie Hitch. You go 90%, she'll go 10%. Honestly, unless the girl previously discussed extreme discomfort to kissing on th first date prior, I'd be vey insulted if I didn't get atleast one over the course of the date [which first dates for me, ideally are 5-6 hours]. I'm a farly physical person. Kissing is pretty important in a relationship to me. It might sound shallow, but honestly, without the physical chemistry/compatibility, said attractive girl goes from "date" to "friend".

[Ouchy]

On the subject of first dates, where would be a good place to go? The movie's?

[Furah]

NO!

 

Try one of these fun ideas:

 

- ice skating

- a park

- the beach

[Ouchy]

NO!

 

Try one of these fun ideas:

 

- ice skating

- a park

- the beach

 

Sweet thanks for the suggestions :thumbup:

[Amaranth_GTO]

Go roller blading, go to the beach, go to a park or a big hill in your area and take a kite, go to that really good (not that expensive) restaurant. Do something where the two of you can talk and interact, and not just sit next to each other staring at a screen for 2 hours.

[RpgGamer]

On the subject of first dates, where would be a good place to go? The movie's?

 

 

oh, lord we're going to have this argument again.

 

Might I suggest mini-golf, pool, swimming, beach, batting cages, park, walking or bowling? [more towards mini-golf in that list tbh]

[Omar]

Definitely after.

 

 

I fourth the motion for breaking up afterward. That way you can claim that you've felt distant from her seeing as how you yourself just came back from a long vacation. let her enjoy her vacation, and then break up with her when she gets back.

 

I'm going to agree with the man who disagreed. I dpostponed my breakup for a couple of days, and it was hell for me. I was in contact with the girl furing those few days though. Leading someone on through a vacation will be tough.

@ Ouchy: don't expect the entertainment around you to suffice. If you're going to be in a relationship with someone, you want to be able to BE the entertainment.

[fakeitormakeit2]

A good rule of thumb for kissing is when she starts looking at your lips. Always followed this rule and it's never turned out bad because of it. :thumbsup:

Finally someone who uses the same rule ^.^ My friends are like wtf are you talking about.

[Lenticular_J]

One of many indicators of interest. A woman who is very attracted to you will rarely hold eye contact, instead she'll look at the rest of you if she has no other way out. Made a lot of observations last night with some friends. I'm a ridiculously good wingman. For example: I wore my favorite tie last night. It's a shade of blue that most (color professionals?) agree is one of, if not the, most attractive color to the human eye. Girl my friend was interested in wanted to know how to tie a tie. Might have been either her flirting with me or trying to make him jealous, maybe even both, but whatever. I took off my tie, told her to have fun, and went to talk with the band, while my friend swooped in and taught her. Even though I've told him to pursue girls his own age, the lecherous guy. Haha.

 

My soon-to-be-lady's in Hawaii, I don't recall for how long. I want to say four days. Then I have a date with her mother asking permission to date her (would ask the father or even step-father, advised not to). We're both old-school romantics, and it's fun.

[Furah]

What do you do on a date with the mother? Also how ask her on a date to ask for permission to date her daughter? What about with the father?

 

You're the only person I know of who does this.

[Iamdan]

 

Couldn't help myself :P

 

I wanted to spend some time on it but I'm going back to bed.

[Lenticular_J]

Actually, the script has been ... nailed ... down."Oh hey missus [you don't know this, even though it isn't the girl's last name], i'm gonna date [hot daughter], sound good? alright cool. how's the lemonade?"

 

And I'm like yes.