By "literature," do you mean like specific websites/blogs/eBooks or something? Or just the overall concept of "inner game?"

Soooo it's been about 2 weeks since i met this girl. Not going to lie, but things are very different than what i'm used to. Kind of feels like a relationship that isn't a relationship. I'll explain why.

So since the day i met her, we've pretty much been talking/texting constantly. And i do mean constantly. Several texts a day with the odd phone call every other day, or whatever. We'd text basically from the moment we're both up till the moment one of us goes to bed (kind of obvious i would imagine). It's also not like just me or just her is always the first to text. Usually whoever is up first sends the first text, and since i wake up around 11 am, she's pretty much usually the first one to send me a text (unless she tells me the previous night to text her when i wake up).

Anyway, i'm getting off track. So we've been talking a lot. A LOT. We've made plans to go on a 3rd date this weekend. It would have been tomorrow, but i already had plans with the bros (watching the Dark Knight with them). I wanted to drop them and go out with her, but i really don't want to be her lapdog already. That was a good move right?

 

I guess now what i need is just some advice on how to take things from here on out. My friends (whom all have a lot more experience when it comes to girls than i do) keep joking around saying me and this girl are practically in a relationship already. If you look at how often we text/talk, you can't really blame them though. But anyway, ffs i keep getting sidetracked. I think i might like this girl. She's really fun to talk to. We can talk about just about anything for hours. She's fun to be around (even though i've only been out with her 3 times [the night i met her and 2 dates]). She's sweet, she's cute, etc. etc. She keeps on hinting that she wants to go out every now and then too, so it's not like i'm the only one asking her to do something.

My problem though, i'm not exactly a "go with the flow" kind of guy and usually i want to know where i am, when i am, what i am, etc. So how do i change that? How do i stop myself from asking her what we're doing?

I'm pretty sure that from a lot of my previous posts i've made it clear that i'm not a "lets just fool around" kind of guy and i usually tend to pick girls that are the same as me (for obvious reasons).

 

Sorry for the post being all over the place. Just to make it clear once again, help me stay cool and not lose it by asking/saying stupid stuff.

Also, opinions on what you guys think she's trying to get at.

I think that sticking with your prior plans was not a bad move. How can a girl expect you to ditch your friends after you already told them that you were going to see the movie with them?

Agreed, don't ditch your friends for a girl. Especially if you were planning to see Batman with them. Friends are forever.

However Noxx, you seem to have landed yourself quite the nice lady. Are you unwilling to be in a relationship, is that why you are questioning things? It sounds to me that it would be easier to ask her to be your girlfriend and then stop worrying about the stupid little things. Sounds to me you're headed there anyway. if you act like boyfriend and girlfriend, why not just be that?

Noxx you should see how long it takes her to ask you "where this is going" before you ask her out :twisted:

Well the thing is, like i said, we already talk as often as most people that are in a relationship do. For example today. I slept till really late and when i looked at my phone when i woke up she had sent me 3 messages. The usual morning, etc, etc. Then something like her day is taking forever to start, and she asked me if i was at school. Then another asking me where i am, shes not heard from me all say. Im not sure if that means anything, you guys will have to help me out there.

My initial plan was to wait for her to ask where it's going. I really don't want to ask that. I don't want to mess thins up right now, or get an answer i don't like. I know if she asks me, it's going to be because she might want to to actually go somewhere. But the problem is, like i said, she's a "go with the flow" person, so she might not really be all that worried where it goes.

Maybe you like that, but all that texting [and asking what i'm doing constantly] would drive me bat shit insane.

If you're really that good at talking, then asking her where she wants things to go shouldn't be a hard question to ask

Noxx do you even know what you want right now >_>

going on a first date friday. i'm gonna make her see batman, because i want to so bad!!!!!!! is this a good idea?

Take her out for dinner/ice cream/coffee or whatever afterwards so it can actually be a date.

Maybe you like that, but all that texting [and asking what i'm doing constantly] would drive me bat shit insane.

If you're really that good at talking, then asking her where she wants things to go shouldn't be a hard question to ask

It does get kind of....repetitive. But even still, it's nice.

Noxx do you even know what you want right now >_>

I know what i want, to be honest. I feel like i want to be with this girl. She's nice. She's real (by that i mean she's not the fake girl i've seen oh so many times around here). She's quiet. She doesn't like to get too wild. She's exactly what i'm looking for.

My problem is that i really want to ask her "where this is going" but i don't want her to get the feeling that i'm clingy/pushy/needy. But at the same time i hate being in this limbo where it looks and feels like we're together, but we're not.

Doesn't really matter what you choose to do right now or how you act, considering you're both in the infatuation honeymoon stage right now. Things that she would otherwise consider needy/clingy will likely be considered romantic/caring instead.

 

You can probably imagine what else I have to say regarding the future of your "relationship" so I'll spare you that :P

Just sack up and ask her lmao. It seems like 90% of relationship problems are just people overanalyzing stuff. If you want to date her, ask her to date...it's that simple.

Agreed, just talk to her. Quite frankly, if your already talking to each other that much every day, you would have to go above and beyond the call of duty to do anything that would seem needy. Also, as Muggi pointed out, your in the infatuation stage anyway, which makes it that much harder to appear clingy or needy.

Well... I asked her. I phoned her earlier and it kind of just...came out. Not a bad answer I guess. In class now so it's hard to really elaborate, but I'll edit this later.

Hoping for the best for you nox

Well basically, i got the kind of answer i expected. Not sure if it's good or bad, but i think i'm happy with it.

She told me that we've only hung out a few times now, and yes we do talk a lot, but you really only get to know someone for who they really are when you're face-to-face. I understand that 100%. She told me we should hang out a bit more and take it from there. I guess i can't argue with what she said. I'm kinda happy about what she said. Made me feel like she had some things going on in her head too. I was fearing the "I really like texting you. You're a good friend to text" kind of reply :P

My advice to keep seeing other women still stands, btw >_>

I don't know. I guess i'm old fashioned. I know we're not "exclusive" but i still believe that seeing other women behind her back would be a bit disrespectful, and i know if i tell her i'm "seeing other girls" she's not going to look at me in the same light.

 

Also that reminds me. We're going out again on Sunday, but i have no idea what to do/where to go. I want to do something "special", without making it seem like im trying too hard. Anyone have any ideas?

My point is that you're suffering from some hardcore neediness right now, and as far as I know you're not even dating/sleeping together yet. While this may not be an issue right now, you're just setting yourself up for disaster down the road. Seeing other girls would help resolve the neediness, and likely introduce you to even "better" girls along the way.

 

Again, you don't even have to be sleeping with other girls-- just hanging out with them at the very least. Simply having multiple options/"what ifs" should be enough to keep you from over-analyzing everything this one girl does. Just remember that there's a million other girls like her, and a million other girls that are better than her. And you'll never meet them if you refuse to broaden your horizons.

I think my biggest problem is that i question myself too much. I always think that whatever i do might be taken the wrong way or that it might not be good enough. I fear that my conversation is not captivating enough, or that im not attractive enough. I'm scared to really just break out and say [bleep] this im gonna be me now.

I understand, I used to be like that too. Trust me, your relationships with everyone-- friends, family, lovers, etc. will all be enhanced when they like you for who you REALLY are, not who you think they want you to be.

 

My friend's girlfriend told me the other night that I seem a lot more "confident" than I was when she first met me. She said that my attitude implies, "This is who I am, and I'm not sorry for it," and she said she wished more people (including herself) had that trait.

 

You've gotta be willing to not be liked by everyone you meet if you wanna be like that, though. But considering you won't be liked by everyone regardless of which choice you make, the answer should be pretty obvious as to which would be logically better in the long run.

I understand, I used to be like that too. Trust me, your relationships with everyone-- friends, family, lovers, etc. will all be enhanced when they like you for who you REALLY are, not who you think they want you to be.

 

My friend's girlfriend told me the other night that I seem a lot more "confident" than I was when she first met me. She said that my attitude implies, "This is who I am, and I'm proud of it," and she said she wished more people (including herself) had that trait.

 

You've gotta be willing to not be liked by everyone you meet if you wanna be like that, though. But considering you won't be liked by everyone regardless of which choice you make, the answer should be pretty obvious as to which would be logically better in the long run.

 

Not to brag or anything right..

I mean, I'm kind of a big deal...

Well, i always try to be myself no matter what. I'm okay with who i am, but sometimes i doubt myself a lot (which is why i said what i said above). I'm an awkward person, usually. I do whatever i can to make people around me have a good time, even if it means making fun of myself. I'm brutally honest, which is the thing i like about myself the most. But still, there's always some doubt in my mind.

I think i might just be having a bad run. Vero Beach is a very small place, with very little to do. My flying is keeping me extremely busy, which means i don't go out as often as i want to. I finally meet a girl that seems really normal, and she's playing a game that i've never really played before. It's kind of overwhelming when i take all the other things i have on my plate into account (which is partly why i try to stick to one girl [and since Vero is such a small place, chances of running into someone that knows the other girl whilst im out with another girl are so high it's not worth the risk at all]). This place makes things really hard. I actually did think about expanding my options a bit, earlier this week, but it just doesn't seem like worth the risk. I guess i'll see how Sunday goes then make up my mind on whether or not i want to take things further.