He is definitely not in the friendzone.

 

Yeah, but he might not know that.

 

Anyway, good luck with whatever you want to do.

Hate to burst your bubble, but some guys don't like girls who are overly clingy. That said, you should talk to him anyway...good luck.

Haha thanks, I knew I wasn't being entirely fictional saying that.

I think I've done okay on the "not being clingy" side. He comes up to me, and tries starting conversation with me way more than I try with him.

 

Helps a bit that I'm a shy person, and he's the precise opposite. It does deter me from talking to him so often in public though, because I like quiet, and he is always being called by everybody, left, right and center. I observed this about him early on, and thought that this would make me fade further into the background, so I should just give up. In fact, it did the exact opposite of that.

 

Thanks. He's an easy guy to talk to, shouldn't be too hard.

He is definitely not in the friendzone.

I guess girls don't really like guys who are overly clingy, so I just thought boys would be the same, but it looks like it's all in the mind.

Anyways, 1 day to do all of this, challenge accepted.

 

Thanks guys

 

While we're on the topic of thinking that boys are attracted to the same things you are, I think it's also fair to mention that guys don't really get turned on by how smart, independent, successful, or confident a woman is. It's not as important as her physical appearance is when it comes to that ;)

 

Hate to burst your bubble, but some guys don't like girls who are overly clingy. That said, you should talk to him anyway...good luck.

 

My main point was that, generally speaking, girls can get away with being needy much easier than guys can.

He is definitely not in the friendzone.

I guess girls don't really like guys who are overly clingy, so I just thought boys would be the same, but it looks like it's all in the mind.

Anyways, 1 day to do all of this, challenge accepted.

 

Thanks guys

 

While we're on the topic of thinking that boys are attracted to the same things you are, I think it's also fair to mention that guys don't really get turned on by how smart, independent, successful, or confident a woman is. It's not as important as her physical appearance is when it comes to that ;)

 

To get turned on, sure. But things like that are important to a lot of guys for other reasons...

 

My main point was that, generally speaking, girls can get away with being needy much easier than guys can.

 

Fair enough.

He is definitely not in the friendzone.

I guess girls don't really like guys who are overly clingy, so I just thought boys would be the same, but it looks like it's all in the mind.

Anyways, 1 day to do all of this, challenge accepted.

 

Thanks guys

 

While we're on the topic of thinking that boys are attracted to the same things you are, I think it's also fair to mention that guys don't really get turned on by how smart, independent, successful, or confident a woman is. It's not as important as her physical appearance is when it comes to that ;)

 

To get turned on, sure. But things like that are important to a lot of guys for other reasons...

 

Indeed. I just know too many girls that brag about how sassy and independent they are because they think they're gonna attract men that way. That's not to say that being an independent woman is a bad thing. Rather, if she's trying to get a man's attention, she'll probably be more successful by acting kind, sweet, cute, funny, etc.

Fair enough.

tell him you'll hook up with him if you get a relationship out of him. everybidy wonfgs.

also what the [bleep] ar eyou still doingn in schol?

tell him you'll hook up with him if you get a relationship out of him. everybidy wonfgs.

also what the [bleep] ar eyou still doingn in schol?

Tut tut tut. Why you drunkvising people?

 

On a different note. I had my date tonight. I have no idea what to feel about it. I'm going to be honest. it's the first time in a VERY VERY VERY VERY long time that i've been out on a "first date". What's even worse is that it's the first time in a VERY VERY VERY VERY long time that i've actually been out on a "real date". The stuff with the French girl i saw from school was a lot different because we saw each other pretty much every day, we spoke face to face every day. It made things a lot different. It made the situation a lot easier to read. And whenever i went out with her it never REALLY felt like well...an actual date. It's weird. I don't think we ever really had a "first date" (maybe the time we went to West Palm, but again that felt very different). I already pretty much knew her before we started "dating".

Anyway to get back on topic. I went on a date with this girl tonight. I met her last week Friday. We've been texting/talking a lot during the week, so i thought things would go pretty well. We got to the restaurant at around 7pm. We went in separate cars because she went there directly after work. Anyway. So we had dinner, we talked and talked and talked for what seemed like ages. When we decided to leave i walked her to her car. We stood by her car and talked for a minute or two. She asked me what i was doing this weekend. I told her probably not much. She said we should try and make some plans to go out.

 

Okay so that all sounds good right? Here's when my heart stopped. As i walked to my car i look at my phone and i notice it's 9:15-ish. That mean's we only spent about 2 hours and 15 minutes there. And that's when my mind started overclocking.

I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or a good thing. 2 hours seems kinda....short.

Now she did ask me (and texted me earlier) if i wanted to hang out again. But still, something in the back of my mind is telling me that 2 hours is not a good thing.....

Edit: whoops nvm

He is definitely not in the friendzone.

I guess girls don't really like guys who are overly clingy, so I just thought boys would be the same, but it looks like it's all in the mind.

Anyways, 1 day to do all of this, challenge accepted.

 

Thanks guys

 

While we're on the topic of thinking that boys are attracted to the same things you are, I think it's also fair to mention that guys don't really get turned on by how smart, independent, successful, or confident a woman is. It's not as important as her physical appearance is when it comes to that

 

To get turned on, sure. But things like that are important to a lot of guys for other reasons...

 

Indeed. I just know too many girls that brag about how sassy and independent they are because they think they're gonna attract men that way. That's not to say that being an independent woman is a bad thing. Rather, if she's trying to get a man's attention, she'll probably be more successful by acting kind, sweet, cute, funny, etc.

 

Yeah... I don't really get that, either. The bold part is basically what I've done for the past 7 months, which has eventually gotten us to be close. Kind of happy that I seem to be doing "the right thing" (I use that loosely). I know it's not the main factor, but some guys do prefer girls who are more confident though. Like the guy I'm talking about in my posts, he has told me " I like confident girls " specifically after I was shy in a three hour conversation in a café. That's why he, himself is a bit surprised by how far we've come (as friends) with such different personalities and social behaviours.

tell him you'll hook up with him if you get a relationship out of him. everybidy wonfgs.

also what the [bleep] ar eyou still doingn in schol?

Tut tut tut. Why you drunkvising people?

 

On a different note. I had my date tonight. I have no idea what to feel about it. I'm going to be honest. it's the first time in a VERY VERY VERY VERY long time that i've been out on a "first date". What's even worse is that it's the first time in a VERY VERY VERY VERY long time that i've actually been out on a "real date". The stuff with the French girl i saw from school was a lot different because we saw each other pretty much every day, we spoke face to face every day. It made things a lot different. It made the situation a lot easier to read. And whenever i went out with her it never REALLY felt like well...an actual date. It's weird. I don't think we ever really had a "first date" (maybe the time we went to West Palm, but again that felt very different). I already pretty much knew her before we started "dating".

Anyway to get back on topic. I went on a date with this girl tonight. I met her last week Friday. We've been texting/talking a lot during the week, so i thought things would go pretty well. We got to the restaurant at around 7pm. We went in separate cars because she went there directly after work. Anyway. So we had dinner, we talked and talked and talked for what seemed like ages. When we decided to leave i walked her to her car. We stood by her car and talked for a minute or two. She asked me what i was doing this weekend. I told her probably not much. She said we should try and make some plans to go out.

 

Okay so that all sounds good right? Here's when my heart stopped. As i walked to my car i look at my phone and i notice it's 9:15-ish. That mean's we only spent about 2 hours and 15 minutes there. And that's when my mind started overclocking.

I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or a good thing. 2 hours seems kinda....short.

Now she did ask me (and texted me earlier) if i wanted to hang out again. But still, something in the back of my mind is telling me that 2 hours is not a good thing.....

Stop flipping your shit, you're fine.

 

Maddy, I think you're over-analyzing his speech. At any rate, whatever he meant to say, we're definitely not going to be better at interpreting it than you, and you'll never know for sure unless you ask. Whether that's a good idea or not, again, is not really for us to tell you.

Agreeed with omar re: noxx, 2 hours is fine...and she said she wanted to hang out again...chill.

You're good Noxx. She probably felt just as estranged to the first date scenario as you did. It'll get better the more you spend time with her, and if it doesn't than move on to the next girl.

 

and sorry for drunk TIFing again haha

Hell if every first date I had was two hours, I'd be thrilled. Mine seem to take forever. The last one i had with the current girl I'm seeing was 6 hrs. I was pissed, because I had to wake up early the next morning, but she took none of my hints about leaving.

Noxx you should really be dating other girls so you don't spend so much time overanalyzing your interactions with this one

What's the logic behind that? Less worrying about what could happen with one of them?

His neediness will magically vanish (or at least go way, way down), and therefore he'll be happier and more attractive

He'll have more options, and thus better odds of finding a high-quality girl

Most girls don't find guys that try to get with multiple girls simultaneously attractive. The constant need to find women becomes the neediness.

Odd. I've found that most girls find guys who have a lot of options to be very, very, very attractive.

 

Abundance overrides any sort of "neediness" that may be inferred from that. I think I've made it pretty obvious that I don't need women to be happy. And I do a pretty good job of communicating that to the people I'm with.

Odd. I've found that most girls find guys who have a lot of options to be very, very, very attractive.

 

Abundance overrides any sort of "neediness" that may be inferred from that. I think I've made it pretty obvious that I don't need women to be happy. And I do a pretty good job of communicating that to the people I'm with.

I don't want to open this can of beans again as it's way past its expiration date, but most guys don't do polyamorous relationships, and a large percentage of women preffer having feelings towards a guy that they don't have to share with others.

There is a very very large difference between a guy who has a lot of options, and a guy who actively dates multiple girls at the same time. That latter is only going to work if your not after a specific person, both because for all the doors it opens, it also closes a lot of them, and because if he dates other girls to go after one in particular, that's just wrong (that's called using people). For someone who does have many potential options, you might also consider that you might have cause and effect backwards. While having many options is certainly an advantage in acquiring more options, you need a certain appeal to get in that position to begin with.

 

Noxx, your nervous, it's going to happen. My first question would be how much dating experience does she have? Things just work better when both parties have similar experience levels, though if the more experienced person understands what is going on, its not normally too bad. Especially since your male, the pressure is on you to take charge of the whole dating thing.

 

So I have one, well two I guess, pieces of advice for you:

The first is chill out and take a breather. To help you with that, here is my second piece of advice. Always have a plan. By this I mean that when your date ends, there should be a plan either for your next date, or when you are going to call her (or she is going to call you) to arrange the next date. You always know when the next 'event' is going to be. I find this takes so much stress off, because you never have to wonder about when you should call, or when is he going to call (except maybe what time of day), and you know they still like you because they keep arranging dates with you. If a problem crops up, it's going to be really obvious.

 

So, have a plan, and don't over think things. The first will get you to the point where you stop thinking so hard, if nothing else. You've been on dates, I doubt it will take you very many to reach the point where you calm down.

Even if you're experienced at dating, you'll still very susceptible to nervousness like Noxx is currently experiencing. In which case, the nerves are stemming from putting the girl on a pedestal and not having any other options going for you.

 

You don't have to be having sex with other girls to have other options. Just having 10 dates scheduled for one week to see where they go is infinitely better than dating one girl at a time.

In which case, the nerves are stemming from putting the girl on a pedestal and not having any other options going for you.

 

Putting something on a pedestal implies that you think more of them than they deserve through personal merit. That isn't always true.

I think that my main problem is i find myself a lot more boring than i really am. I don't give myself a lot of credit at all. For god's sake. I did in 6 months what most people do in 2 years (referring to my aviation school). And this is what's causing me a lot of trouble when it comes to a new relationship or dating. I fear so much that i bore the people around me. But i know that i'm actually the funny guy. I know it. I'm the one always cracking the jokes, making the people around me laugh. I'm the one that makes a fool of myself so other's can have a good time. I think i should probably start giving myself credit for this.

 

Now the reason i say this is because i spent a lot of today talking to the girl. She sent me a text around 2pm (when i woke up) and we took things from there. We had all kinds of weird conversations and she laughed a lot. And i LOVED it. She seemed so into what i was telling her, and she kept on asking and asking and asking questions. This is one thing i did not think about at all. I have a HUGE upper hand here, over the average guy. I'm foreign. I've been places and seen places she never has. My up bringing is a lot different from hers, and what she's used to. And that already makes me a tiny bit more interesting than the average guy around here (not trying to put them down, the same thing would happen if they were to visit South Africa). So i actually started using that to my advantage today. Making myself seem a lot more interesting than i think i am, just by being honest.

 

Oh and she told me she wanted to go out tomorrow, me and my friends could meet up with her and her friends somewhere. And then just now she told me she's not in the mood really to go out, so maybe the two of us could just go do something together?

Score?

:D