So we went out tonight, me and my friends. Went to the usual place. I basically had no intention to try and pull, which i think gave me a lot more confidence. We saw these two girls looking over at us the whole time, one of which was really cute. So we tried convincing my friend for about 30 minutes to go over and talk to her. I told him at one stage that i'll give him 2 more minutes, if he doesnt go, im going over there and ill talk to her. He didn't go, so i decided to man up and do it myself, like i said i would. I did. Long story short, she gave me her number :D

Now i think i might try doing this "seeing more than one girl at once" thing, but i already feel guilty just for getting her number haha.

Halp!?

Don't feel guilty, that's silly. Just realize that not all girls are cool with guys hitting on mad girls. Alternately, some girls love it for some sick reason. Just go with it for now.

 

On a more serious note, you have nothing to feel guilty about unless you've been leading the other girl on, implying that you'll be her exclusive boyfriend.

Well.... i didn't exactly ever say it. But today i got curious and looked at how many texts we actually send each other each day....

This might come off as a bit crazy, but between the two of us today alone 57 texts were sent. I feel like that's not completely normal. I must admit i was pretty....shocked.

I don't know if that means anything?

57 texts in one day isn't that high. Don't over analyze it, it could kill the relationship.

what's high to you may be low to someone else. I only send like 300 a month total, but I also know people that easily break 5000 a month

what's high to you may be low to someone else. I only send like 300 a month total, but I also know people that easily break 5000 a month

 

So the same could go to the girl he's talking to right?

absolutely

My friends are putting a lot of pessure on me it seems. They told me that 57 texts a day borders on stalker, they're the ones that keep putting doubt in my mind about a lot of things that i have asked thus far. I should just stop listening to them at all and start following my instincts.

57 texts isn't a lot at all depending on the context of them. My girlfriend and I sent 115 yesterday. Are you having actual conversations like you would in real life or is it "hey wyd?" "nm u?" "same" "cool :)" "yup" "wanna go out tmmrw?" "k"

 

And yes, people actually have text conversations like this.

Just keep in mind that the more time you spend interacting with her, the sooner her attraction for you will wane (assuming she's attracted to you, and not just using you for attention). But either way it still takes a long time for that to happen.

57 really isn't that crazy of a number, Hell yesterday I had 48 with a girl I'm just friends with. Just don't freak out to much about it, lol.

 

Also... I don't know if anyone remembers that last story I had here, about a girl I went on one date with back in like April, got friendzoned, and ended up going to prom with her, but we've still kept talking since then and she's like my best friend now (I got over her romantically completely by like mid June). Well I was talking to her last night, and she told me she still is attracted to me and has been even throughout the time that she friendzoned me, but just didn't want any sort of relationship like that.

 

Da [bleep]. I mean I actually understand what she's saying because I feel the same way about some of my close friends but still... sdiuhfwedsfewads. Still was a nice little ego boost I guess, lol.

My texting style has changed so much since freshman year of college. And I think it changed for the better, tbh. Fyi, freshman year of college was when I first got my cellphone. My texts were like, huuuuge lone intricate messages that asked multiple questions and responded to every little part of the text I had received. When I look back on it, I laugh because gettings texts like that must have been awful for the girl that I liked at that time. I have a feeling that's part of the reason why she never responded immediately to them (or relatively immediately). She felt she had to write back in a similar fashion (i.e. a huge text that responded to each part of my text).

 

It's changed now. My texts are more simple; one or two lines unless a girl asks me to give her details on something. Plus, I've changed my approach to girls (also for the better), which means I'm not pouring out my feeling for them - after only having texted them maybe a few weeks. My neediness factor a year or so back was so high up it was unbelievable. So, when I'm not trying to explain my feelings, texts are shorter. And I think it's doing good for me this time, since this girl has a boyfriend and I don't want to come off as trying to get them to break up. Honestly, as much as I don't want to be stuck in the friend zone, I'm keeping myself in it, partly because I believe she wants me out of it (a guy can dream, can't he?). I mean, honestly, if my girlfriend was talking to another guy as much as this girl is talking to me, I would be extremely worried. And it's not just the frequency. It's also what's been said on her part. On my part, I've kept things relatively cool. I guess I'm kinda keep a good distance away from her, hoping that maybe she'll bridge the gap. Because there's no way I'm bridging it. She's the one with the boyfriend. I'll just leave it up to her.

 

Anyway, kinda rambled. It felt good to talk about it, though. In short, I haven't brought up my feelings for her at all. Maybe it's because I'm not sure what I want and if what I want is what I really want. I've told her that I missed her, but that's nothing because I've been gone for 10 weeks of the summer in a different state and we started hanging out a lot before school ended, which was super fun. And she's said it plenty of times (often being the one to instigate it). Anyway, last time I spilled my feelings, things got shitty. So right now, I'm playing it safe and acting like we're just good friends; that won't change while she has a boyfriend (and probably for a while after if she does end up breaking it off with him).

Well yeah we're having actual conversations, at least. I think i should just stop listening to my friends altogether because everything they have told me, i've had to do the opposite to actually get the outcome i was hoping for. They have a lot more experience with girls that i do. Heck, one of them could get any girl in the world if he felt like it (i know anyone can, but he actually has the confidence and personality to pull it off). But still, he plays a much different game than i do. I like taking things fairly slow. I don't jump into bed with a girl after 2 or 3 dates (or on the first night like he sometimes tries to push me to do). I need to do things my own way, for some reason. And they have a hard time understanding that. Sex plays a very small roll in a relationship for me. Of course i enjoy it (who doesn't), but we were talking about it the other day and he told me that sex was probably 60% of the relationship for him, personality and looks making up the other 40%. For me personality plays a huge part. And conversation-ability. I need to be able to have a 10 hour conversation with a girl without either of us getting bored at any time before i'd really think about getting more physical with her. That's something they find really hard to understand, especially for someone my age. At 21 it should all be about sex, in their opinions. I'm not going to waste my time with someone that offers great sex but is totally lost in a conversation.

 

Which actually brings me to the girl i met last night. She was very touchy-feely. When i was talking to her she would touch my arm, leg or chest every now and then. When i said bye to her i gave her a hug, and i could see she expected a kiss. I'm not okay with girls that kind of throw themselves at you like that. In all honesty, it scares me a bit. I like a bit of a challenge, i guess. The friend that was with me asked me why i didn't invite her over to the house for a drink or something after we left, and when i told him that i did not feel like waking up next to her tomorrow morning he was in utter shock. There's just something that keeps me from doing it. But i guess it was still nice knowing that i could take that leap, and go talk to her.

 

It was actually quite weird/funny/awkward. They were sitting at the bar looking at us every now and then. I told my friend to go over there and talk to her, for a long time. Eventually i told him that if he didn't, i would. So like i said before, i went over there and talked to her. She was with a friend, so i guess that always makes it a bit more challenging (which is why guys usually use a wingman i suppose). So anyway, the two of them were sitting there and i walk over to them. There was an empty chair next to them, so i went and turned it facing them, sat down on it and my exact words were "Hey, what's up?"

The one i actually wanted to talked to smiled and said hi, i introduced myself to them both, asked them how they were doing, etc, etc. It all happened so naturally. It felt amazing, liberating almost. We started talking a bit about where i was from, when i'm doing here (i love being South African now, it's a really good conversation topic). Suddenly things got quiet (them awkward silences) which is when i said "So this is one of those awkward silences they always talk about, right?" She laughed and the conversation got back on track.

 

I feel like i have a lot more self confidence the last 2 weeks. I have no idea what has gotten into me, but it feels good being able to just go up to a random girl and talk to her without worrying about getting rejected. A lot of it is thanks to what some of you guys have said.

 

Anyway i'm really just rambling on a bit now.

 

On a more serious note, you have nothing to feel guilty about unless you've been leading the other girl on, implying that you'll be her exclusive boyfriend.

 

I would like to take a minute to point out that Noxx just had a talk with the other girl about what their relationship status was, and that doing this so soon after will send the very loud and clear message that she is not moving fast enough for him, and so he is looking for other options. For a normal person who is used to a monogamous society (read: just about everyone), the implication would be that he isn't all that into her, or he would have given her more time.

 

So. Tread very lightly.

Yeah the more i think about it the more i think i'm going to stick to the old plan. This girl i'm "seeing" right now seems to be really into me. I told her today that we should start hanging out a bit more often, and not just once every 5 or 6 days.I want to see her a bit more often, even if it's just a 5 minute hello and goodbye. She told me that she thinks that's a really good idea. So it made me kind of excited. I don't know but talking to this girl just makes me smile.

We're going on a date tomorrow. It's the 3rd one. I guess this is a pretty big deal? Now there's really not much to do here in Vero. We have bowling, movies, restaurants and the beach. I guess pretty much the same as most places actually. But anyway,i was looking to do something a bit out of the ordinary, something she would not really expect. So i looked around a bit and found some Botanical Gardens not too far from where i live. So i was thinking of taking here there. They said on their website that it takes about 45 minutes to an hour to tour the entire gardens, so i was thinking we could go there and go for dinner/late lunch afterwards.

Does this sound like a good idea?

Why not just do dinner and/or a movie at your place instead?

 

Anyways, I think I'm done giving my two cents you for now, Noxx :P Just keep in mind that if you keep acting/thinking like you are now, there's a good chance that she's eventually going to get bored of you. But the good news is that probably won't happen for another 2-3 years :D

The gardens are fine. If only they had butterflies, that would make it better.

I think Ralph is right in that even if we tell you to keep a minimum distance, you never will. RIGHT RALPH?

But yeah, the botanical garden sounds pretty cool. It's a good place to talk, whereas a movie for example isn't great.

This along the lines of texting. Why does taking awhile between texts draw the girl in more? In my experiences the longer I wait to respond, the crazier it drives them.

Mod Edit: story from Reddit, sfw version:

 

This is a follow-up to my post from last week: "REDDIT, I Have Proof She Cheated On Me and Need a Revenge Plan -- Is This Too Cruel?"

Basically, I asked REDDIT to help me think of a way to get justice while dumping my girlfriend. I never expected the huge response I got, and I sincerely thank everyone for responding. I read every single comment. Almost everything I did was a suggestion I got from you all.

The top suggestion was to just walk away, rise above everything, forget about revenge and suddenly disappear from her life forever. I thought about this seriously for a long time, but finally decided to listen to the only part that matters in that plan: having it be over and then never seeing or talking to her again. Disappearing would mean her trying to contact me for days, and I wanted it to just be over and see the look on her face. Believe it or not, but guys need closure too.

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED AS BEST AS I CAN REMEMBER:

I decided that Valentine's Day was the perfect day to go through with it, but since I'd caught her cheating last week I hadn't thought to get reservations anywhere. Thanks to a fellow redditor, I managed to get a spot for us at a really nice restaurant by the lake (I live in Austin). I told my girlfriend that I'd come over to her apartment before we went out and make some drinks while she got ready

 

....

 

I put all of her crap in a travel bag and drove over to her apartment. I left the bag in the car and went in. She busted out some glasses and bottles of liquor for me to make drinks and then got in the shower. While she was in there, I grabbed the bag from my car and put it in her closet. I also hid a 3-pack of condoms in the bag but only left two rubbers in it. She'll probably find them, think I left them accidentally and always wonder if I cheated on her.

 

...

 

She was still in the shower during this time and I grabbed her cellphone and deleted myself from it. I also looked up "Theo" in her contacts and changed his phone number to mine, for later. After that, I made her a vodka sprite and spit in it a few times. I had a big shot of vodka and waited for her, and when she was dressed we had our drinks.

 

...

 

When I was done, I told her that my car was acting funny, so we should take hers instead. I drove us to the restaurant.

 

This was the part of the date that was supposed to be perfect. We had dinner and wine and I went out of my way to make everything seem normal, giving her the perfect Valentine's dinner. We talked about vacations we'd taken together and how we'd like to go back, I brought up old memories and made her laugh. I asked her where she wanted to be in five years, and she said hopefully married by then. It was hard at times but I was already committed to finishing it.

 

We were done eating so I excused myself to the bathroom to wash my hands. From there, I made a call to my best friend and told him to pick me up in half an hour. That's all the time I was ever going to give the heartless [bleep] again.

 

I came out of the bathroom and paid the bill (give me SOME credit for being a gentleman still) and suggested we take a walk along the lake. THANKS AGAIN to the redditor, because this turned out to be perfect. There was a little dock nearby and we stood on it, and my hands were shaking but I finally called her out.

 

I asked her if there was anything she wanted to tell me. She looked confused and played it off very well, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I probably would have believed her. I let her lie to me and then told her that I knew about Theo, that she'd accidentally called me and I'd caught them [bleep]ing around. I told her I'd found him on facebook and seen his [bleep]ing bragging updates. While I was telling her this, she started bawling, and I've gotta admit that I was crying a little too. But I kept going and told her how much she'd hurt me, and that I'd been throwing up all week and sick about it. The only thing she kept saying was that she was sorry, the rest of the time she was crying and almost hyperventaling. She would try to interrupt but I kept telling her to let me finish.

 

I wasn't too sure if I was gonna do this part of the plan but I had nothing else to lose so I said [bleep] it. I told her that I honestly believed she was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with (which was true) and pulled out a jewelry ring box from my coat. I'd gotten it the day before for about $15 in the same gas station as the condoms. I didn't open the box because the ring looked totally cheap, but I told my girlfriend I'd had it for awhile but wasn't going to need it anymore. I threw the box into the lake and it totally looked real because of the tears in my eyes.

 

She hadn't stopped crying this whole time and was pulling at me and begging me to listen to her and let her talk, over and over again. I don't know how else to describe it, she was having a total feakout and I decided it was the perfect time to walk away.

 

I told her there was nothing to talk about and nothing she could say-- I never wanted to see her again or talk to her. I told her that I'd left a bag of her stuff in her closet, and if she left anything else to have a friend come get it. I even mentioned that I'd noticed a "bump on me" and was going to the doctor this week and suggested she do the same. I made it clear that this was the last time we would ever talk to eachother, and then gave her the keys to her car back and said "goodbye". She tried to hug me and kept saying "forgive me" but I knew better and backed off.

 

I walked away and left her there at the dock. My friend was waiting outside the restaurant, and I got in the car with him and went to pick up my car back at her place. While we were on the way, I followed through with the last part of my plan:

 

I sent her a txt message, which she would now think was from Theo since I'd switched numbers. It said, "wtf, your boyfriend emailed me and knows about us. i dont want this drama, don't call or txt me again. seriously." She still hasn't written back.

 

Yeah, she'll eventually figure it out and think I'm immature, but I honestly don't give a shit anymore. The person who suggested the txt message plan was right-- it's like she got dumped TWICE on Valentine's Day, and you can't say she doesn't deserve it.

 

So there it is. I did it and actually feel relieved, but a little in shock now. This has literally been the worst week of my life, and I'm not sure how I'll handle it. But I'm glad that I reached out, even if it was to strangers. I can't thank you enough for the majority of you out there being helpful and understanding.

 

And if all this makes me a dick, I'm prepared to live with it. At least I did something and didn't just get trampled and pitied.

 

UPDATE: It seems like half of REDDIT now believes I'm just as bad as a cheater now? I'm sorry, but it's been almost two days and I don't regret a thing. She turned out to be a monster, barely human... there's no comparison. And I'd love to prove this is real but there's no realistic way for me to do that without giving out names, and I can't do that for obvious reasons. For the people out there asking for updates, my Twitter .

 

NEW UPDATE 2/23: She e-mailed me last week with some long sad rant. I've decided to post it, [bleep] it. Will edit out identifying details and POST ASAP.

 

 

Felt like sharing. Something compelled me to share it, even if it's not my story. Maybe I just like knowing there's people out there that have felt the same feels as me.

Edited August 1, 201213 yr by Kimberly
Please do not link to the NSFW article. Use this abbreviated version.

Wow. That guy takes neediness to a whole new level. Typical clueless guy that freaks out at women for behaving like women, and not living up to his unrealistic expectations.

Ugh. That makes me sick. I can kinda see the "do it on valentines day to make it worse" but the rest... ugh. Head to her place, bring her stuff, confront her about cheating on you and walk away and leave. If you want no contact with her, block her from your phone and email.

Wow. That guy takes neediness to a whole new level. Typical clueless guy that freaks out at women for behaving like women, and not living up to his unrealistic expectations.

I think expecting your exclusive partner to stay exclusive is a realistic expectation. If she really needs to have sex with other people then she should talk about it to see if they can arrange something,otherwise they can either break up or deal with it.

Not sure you understand the motivation until you live through the pain of such betrayal for yourself. Most guys don't throw up the polyamorus defense and brush it off.