"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Estonian dude]

In other news, decided to check out this new app called Tinder. Or well, not so very new app.

Only like 20 girls in my area were online. I blocked most of them because they were either girls I already knew too well or were a bit too old for me tastes. And immediately blocked the slutty pic ones. That's quite of a turn-off for me, having pics with boobs hanging out the shirt and having an inch thick layer of make-up on.

But within a day I got 2 matches. And have started talking with one.

Didn't think my pics would attract interest.

[Low Levelled]

If you can't attract interest on Tinder, you're doing it wrong.

[muggiwhplar]

Rewrote part of my dating profiles this morning. I'd appreciate it if the women in this thread provided some feedback, though I can't guarantee that I will make any changes based on it :P Was getting 1 date out of every 40 messages prior to making these changes so we'll see if my stats improve or not.

 

I'm a KU graduate with degrees in psychology and business. I spend most of my time setting personal goals and working towards them. This includes working out, writing, meditating, and reading about business, wealth, sex, relationships, fitness, etc. I plan on starting my own business sometime within the next couple of years once I have enough knowledge, experience, and resources. After spending the past several years in charge of leading people, I realized I don’t like bossing people around and I don't like following orders. I’d rather do my own thing and avoid workplace politics and drama altogether.

While I have an extremely ambitious and driven personality, I don't take life too seriously-- life's too short to spend worrying. I don't really care if you're a strong, successful, independent woman or a traditionally sweet and submissive girl, as long as you're cool. Actually I take that back-- you can be a dork too if you want, I don't really care about that either. The bottom line is: you better love to have fun or we won't get along. I've seen a lot of my friends get hurt by guys so I've learned how important it is to treat a woman right. At the same time, though, I'm not the kind of person who tolerates bad behavior. I have a lot of things I'd like to do before I die, and you're more than welcome to come along for the ride as long as you're making my life happier and more enjoyable. If you're making me unhappy, you probably won't be around for very long. :)

I'd rather get to know a woman face-to-face instead of exchanging messages back and forth on here forever. If you disagree with that, then you're more than welcome to keep messaging the other guys on this site who will try to seduce you by sending you pictures of their penises. :) Otherwise, let's get together and swap stories and laughs over something fun and relaxing like drinks or coffee. Shoot me a message and we'll see where this goes.

 

If this profile description turns out to be a hit, you guys could probably copy and paste this and edit it based on your personality/history and get more or less the same results. Though keep in mind that pictures are the most important part.

 

edit: got a date scheduled for tonight lawl

[Saradomin_Mage]

Congrats on the date!

 

If you disagree with that, then you're more than welcome to keep messaging the other guys on this site who will try to seduce you by sending you pictures of their penises. :)

Seriously though L

[muggiwhplar]

Lol that part was on my old profile too. Women loved it so I kept it :D

[RpgGamer]

No. Because Muggiw is a dad. Who's your daddy?

[muggiwhplar]

Got two more dates scheduled for tomorrow evening, with a 4th in the pipeline. Girl #4 plays League of Legends too so it should be like shooting Fizz in a barrel. (GET IT?!?!)

 

 

I'm a guy but I bolded what I would change

 

 

 The bottom line is: you better love to have fun or we won't get along. I've seen a lot of my friends get hurt by guys so I've learned how important it is to treat a woman right. At the same time, though, I'm not the kind of person who tolerates bad behavior.

 

 

 

Is there any other way you put that, that doesn't come off as parental? 

 

 

Originally it said "I'm not the kind of person who allows himself to get walked on." Which is similar to what you're saying. But I wanted it to suggest that I don't tolerate any form of negativity, not just her trying to take advantage of me.

 

No. Because Muggiw is a dad. Who's your daddy?

 

Lmao I thought the exact same thing when I read Ring's post :lol:

[Saradomin_Mage]

4 dates already??? Your profile clearly pushes all the right buttons.

[muggiwhplar]

current stats:

 

26 openers

5 responses

3 dates scheduled

 

 

I don't think I'll be dating the LoL girl, ironically. She's actually the first girl whom I've ever actually sent a "custom" opener to instead of just copy and pasting. Lesson learned: don't deviate from the system. :P

[Ginger_Warrior]

Meh... I think the problem with porn is that it attempts to take sweeping generalizations about "what women really want" and warp those concepts to being the same as what the viewer (be it male or female) wants. Generalizations such as "women love James Deen porn", or "women are secretly into lesbianism" for example.

 

It's an industrial and commercial fantasizing of (mostly) male sexual desires.

 

I'm not suggesting there aren't some women who watch porn, I'm just stating that, overwhelmingly, it's consumed by men, dreamt of by men, filmed by men, funded by men, directed by men, and scripted by men. Just because some websites produce "female friendly" porn doesn't mean that all of a sudden, women are crazy over it. Most of the girls I talk to about sex, and I know quite a lot, still find porn to be deeply unrealistic, pressuring in terms of male expectations, unsatisfactory for their own desires and, above all else, misogynistic.

[muggiwhplar]

Almost all women want a very dominant, yet loving, partner in bed. That's why they love James Deen. Other male porn stars are usually just emotionless but dominant, or not even dominant at all.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Again, you're making mass generalizations which can't possibly cover all 3 billion women on the planet.

 

Women you've come across who love James Deen =/= women love James Deen.

 

It's really no different in concept to me seeing a black guy walk out of KFC with a bucket of chicken and shouting "Black guys love southern fried chicken". One is an example of racism which wouldn't be tolerated. The other is sexism disguised as a pseudo-intellectual argument.

[muggiwhplar]

Funny story...

 

I was talking to a friend this afternoon and somehow he brought up online dating. He talked about how he briefly tried it but had no success and gave up. I told him to give me his zip code. I made a duplicate profile at with his location and within 15 minutes I'd scheduled a date. The funny thing is, he was telling me how hot he finds latinas and the date I scheduled is with a hot latina girl :lol: I gave him the password to the account I made so he could study it.

 

...so yeah. Feel free to use my profile description if you wanna go test the waters :P

[muggiwhplar]

Again, you're making mass generalizations which can't possibly cover all 3 billion women on the planet.

 

Women you've come across who love James Deen =/= women love James Deen.

 

It's really no different in concept to me seeing a black guy walk out of KFC with a bucket of chicken and shouting "Black guys love southern fried chicken". One is an example of racism which wouldn't be tolerated. The other is sexism disguised as a pseudo-intellectual argument.

 

Obviously it can't cover ALL women. But it definitely covers MOST women.

[Ginger_Warrior]

... I give up...

[muggiwhplar]

I don't know why you're refusing to believe these basic biological principles. There's a reason why a porn star like James Deen and books like 50 Shades of Grey are so extremely popular with women compared to their contemporaries...

[Ginger_Warrior]

And there's also a reason why for every one James Deen there's a good hundred or so female porn stars.

 

There's also a reason why every copy of 50 Shades is countered with numerous copies of FHM and GQ magazine.

 

This is going back to the whole alpha thing at its core. You pigeonhole people into highly generalized groups, including yourself (which I find slightly weird to say the very least). I don't because I think it's crass and disempowering to both men and women.

 

Can we just leave it there and carry on deluding ourselves we're both right?

[muggiwhplar]

I don't think you're understanding my argument. Continuing upon your argument, I could argue back that FHM and GQ are countered by Cosmopolitan and People magazine, but that would be silly.

 

James Deen is the most popular porn star to women because he's something different and better than his contemporaries. James Deen basically introduced women to porn in the same way most men have already been introduced to it.

 

Again, there's a reason why James Deen has an effect on women that no other male porn star has ever achieved (as far as I know). It's because he's a better representation of what women fantasize about than any other porn star.

 

I predict in the future that there will be a lot more James Deen-type porn stars, and as a result, women will start to watch porn more. Men will probably always watch porn more though since they tend to be more visually-stimulated than women.

 

 

Out of curiosity, did you know anything about James Deen prior to reading this thread today? >_>

[RpgGamer]

Generalized? yes. Over generalized? Hard to say without scientific evidence. It's fair to say a good number of women fall into either category, but then one must delegate what kind of women fall where geographically. If what Muggiw is doing is working on a grand scale, it's tough to argue. As you, Ginger are always struggling with doing. I'd say it's debatable, but until evidence significantly proves an alternative, Muggiw's conjecture isn't inherently wrong.

 

I think I'll be making changes to my OKcupid profile...

 

EDIT:

Test mode activated. But I'm not going to do any initiating. I want to see what I can get from simple profile visits.

[muggiwhplar]

You're not really going to get anything out of profile visits. I think I've only had one date with a girl who messaged me first. That's not to say that women won't be the first ones to message you often-- it's just that finding a woman who:

a) messages you first

b) is hot

c) is actually interested in meeting up

 

is pretty rare.

[The_Gabe]

Almost all women want a very dominant, yet loving, partner in bed. That's why they love James Deen. Other male porn stars are usually just emotionless but dominant, or not even dominant at all.

 

I do agree about the dominant part. I was surprised to learn it but it seems to be true. 

[RpgGamer]

You're not really going to get anything out of profile visits. I think I've only had one date with a girl who messaged me first. That's not to say that women won't be the first ones to message you often-- it's just that finding a woman who:

a) messages you first

b) is hot

c) is actually interested in meeting up

 

is pretty rare.

 

Challenge Accepted.

 

In other news, I thought this was an interesting experiment that somewhat exemplifies desirability and dominance:

 

[Ginger_Warrior]

I don't think you're understanding my argument. Continuing upon your argument, I could argue back that FHM and GQ are countered by Cosmopolitan and People magazine, but that would be silly.

My point was that erotic literature fits within the context of a society (in both the US and the UK) where the female body (and the male body, to a much lesser extent) is over-sexualised. FHM and GQ, while they do sexualise women, don't do so anywhere near as much as Nuts or Zoo, which perhaps would have been better examples, although the former recently announced it was to cease publishing due to low circulation.

 

It's worth noting 50 Shades was actually slated in the reviews on release, including by female reviewers. It's not a great piece of literature, by any stretch.

 

James Deen is the most popular porn star to women because he's something different and better than his contemporaries. James Deen basically introduced women to porn in the same way most men have already been introduced to it.

 

Again, there's a reason why James Deen has an effect on women that no other male porn star has ever achieved (as far as I know). It's because he's a better representation of what women fantasize about than any other porn star.

Sure, but this wasn't the argument I was countering. I'm not doubting James Deen is more attractive to women than men. My objection was your statement that "[most] women like watching porn with James Deen in it". I was simply saying you can't possibly know that, because:

 

a) You don't know how many women porn-watchers like James Deen in the first place, but even assuming most did;

b) You don't know how many women watch porn full stop.

 

I predict in the future that there will be a lot more James Deen-type porn stars, and as a result, women will start to watch porn more. Men will probably always watch porn more though since they tend to be more visually-stimulated than women.

I think you're right here, but I want to make two points.

 

Firstly, it's a "two wrongs make a right" approach. Around ten or fifteen years ago, we (quite rightly) realised that there was a huge disparity in the way that women were sexualised in the media compared to men. Lads mags were booming, pornography was becoming instantly accessible through the Internet, and Photoshop was starting to create unattainable fantasies about what the female form should look like. While some reacted to that by saying "Let's stop portraying women as being the sum total of a nice pair of [bleep] with a decent hip:waist ratio", others decided to go the other way and sexualise men as well, but still in far lesser quantities than women. James Deen is an example of that. As are the hundreds of female porn actors in the industry who outnumber him.

 

Secondly, the kind of girls James Deen is having sex with in his movies aren't exactly "average" girls off the street, given over two-thirds of the US population is overweight or obese. Even if you argue for James Deen from a pseudo-feminist perspective, what you're actually saying is this: "Only if you look as extremely attractive as these models do would you possibly hope to have sex with a man like James Deen." If one was to be far more cynical, the very attractive females could be shown as evidence that, in reality, the porn is actually being marketed towards men (fancy that!). As a heterosexual male, I can't remember the last time I looked at a porno and thought, "Gosh, that bloke is very good looking!" and I can't imagine women do it for their own sex either. If James Deen was having sex with average-looking girls, I might be more tempted to believe it's being scripted for average-looking women, but then that wouldn't sell for obvious reasons.

 

So yes, more women probably will watch more porn, but it's hardly because the industry is becoming more female friendly. It's because society in general is becoming more sexualised.

 

Out of curiosity, did you know anything about James Deen prior to reading this thread today? >_>

Erm... yes. Why must you assume that anyone who argues against you is doing so from a position of ignorance, rather than a position of disagreement? It's very disrespectful, to be honest.

[muggiwhplar]

My point was that erotic literature fits within the context of a society (in both the US and the UK) where the female body (and the male body, to a much lesser extent) is over-sexualised. FHM and GQ, while they do sexualise women, don't do so anywhere near as much as Nuts or Zoo, which perhaps would have been better examples, although the former recently announced it was to cease publishing due to low circulation.

 

It's worth noting 50 Shades was actually slated in the reviews on release, including by female reviewers. It's not a great piece of literature, by any stretch.

I don't think anybody read 50 Shades on the basis of it being a literary masterpiece :P They read it because it was something that made them horny... because women, like men, crave sex. More specifically, women right now seem to crave [dominant] sex that most men are either incapable of or unwilling to provide.

 

Sure, but this wasn't the argument I was countering. I'm not doubting James Deen is more attractive to women than men. My objection was your statement that "[most] women like watching porn with James Deen in it". I was simply saying you can't possibly know that, because:

 

a) You don't know how many women porn-watchers like James Deen in the first place, but even assuming most did;

b) You don't know how many women watch porn full stop.

If most women enjoy a certain kind of sex, and James Deen is the only modern male porn star to portray that kind of sex, then it follows that if a woman is going to watch porn, she'll appreciate James Deen's "work."

 

I'm just using James Deen and 50 Shades as evidence for my argument that women crave dominant sex. Do you disagree women tend to prefer dominant sex? If so, what evidence do you have to the contrary?

 

I think you're right here, but I want to make two points.

 

Firstly, it's a "two wrongs make a right" approach. Around ten or fifteen years ago, we (quite rightly) realised that there was a huge disparity in the way that women were sexualised in the media compared to men. Lads mags were booming, pornography was becoming instantly accessible through the Internet, and Photoshop was starting to create unattainable fantasies about what the female form should look like. While some reacted to that by saying "Let's stop portraying women as being the sum total of a nice pair of [bleep] with a decent hip:waist ratio", others decided to go the other way and sexualise men as well, but still in far lesser quantities than women. James Deen is an example of that. As are the hundreds of female porn actors in the industry who outnumber him.

Female porn stars outnumber male porn stars for the same reason that AFAIK there aren't really any erotic novels that cater to men. It's simply a matter of biology and how each gender is sexually aroused.

 

I think you have things backwards though. Society (the media, the porn industry, etc.) didn't just decide one day, "Hey let's brainwash everyone into believing that THIS is the ideal mate. Who cares if it's completely unrealistic and unattainable, we're evil and we'll make money if we try to program everyone into thinking this is attractive!" No, people discovered what human beings are naturally biologically attracted to, and then they capitalized on it. Female porn stars with perfect bodies are so popular and common because men find it attractive. Porn stars like James Deen will be on the rise because women find men like him attractive.

 

If you're going to try and deny that women prefer dominant sex or that women prefer to [bleep] a man like James Deen, then you're also going to have to convince me that men don't prefer women with better hip:waist ratios, etc.

 

Secondly, the kind of girls James Deen is having sex with in his movies aren't exactly "average" girls off the street, given over two-thirds of the US population is overweight or obese.

False: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenn-tisdale/my-amateur-porn-date-james-deen_b_4215113.html

 

Relatively sure he's done things like that multiple times. I don't know why the girls that he's having sex with is relevant, though. Are you trying to suggest that people can't appreciate porn unless the sexy porn star is having sex with a "normal" [obese] person?

 

Even if you argue for James Deen from a pseudo-feminist perspective, what you're actually saying is this: "Only if you look as extremely attractive as these models do would you possibly hope to have sex with a man like James Deen."

This argument doesn't make any sense (see above).

 

If one was to be far more cynical, the very attractive females could be shown as evidence that, in reality, the porn is actually being marketed towards men (fancy that!).

I don't think anybody's denying this. No doubt porn is marketed towards men because the male brain responds to porn differently than the female brain does.

 

As a heterosexual male, I can't remember the last time I looked at a porno and thought, "Gosh, that bloke is very good looking!" and I can't imagine women do it for their own sex either. If James Deen was having sex with average-looking girls, I might be more tempted to believe it's being scripted for average-looking women, but then that wouldn't sell for obvious reasons.

See above again. He does have sex with average-looking girls and it does sell.

 

When's the last time you quit watching a porno because you couldn't imagine yourself having sex with a particular porn star? If that's ever happened, I'd argue that that's more of a personal self-esteem issue than anything else.

 

So yes, more women probably will watch more porn, but it's hardly because the industry is becoming more female friendly. It's because society in general is becoming more sexualised.

Society is full of sexual IMAGERY, but in case you haven't noticed, despite all of the sexual imagery, the act of sex itself is still loaded with all kinds of taboo and irrational irrelevant associations in modern society. Sex is heavily marketed towards everyone, while at the same time, people are shamed for pursuing sex. THAT'S the problem. There's nothing wrong with two consenting adults having sex, and it's really not that big of a deal. But society (and you) seem to argue that sex is only acceptable within very limited, controlled conditions.

 

When people finally start to realize that sex is:

a) not a big deal

b) natural

c) healthy

 

All of these crazy arguments about the implications of sex, porn, etc. will magically begin to disappear. But considering that many people don't know how to get laid, I imagine that these irrational stigmas are going to be perpetuated by sexually-frustrated/sexually-inexperienced people like that for a very long time... unless prostitution is legalized, but that's another topic. :P

 

Erm... yes. Why must you assume that anyone who argues against you is doing so from a position of ignorance, rather than a position of disagreement? It's very disrespectful, to be honest.

Lol there's no need to be offended. I myself didn't know about James Deen until recently. I figured that considering porn is something rarely discussed in public, you were in the same boat as me.

[RpgGamer]

 

Secondly, the kind of girls James Deen is having sex with in his movies aren't exactly "average" girls off the street, given over two-thirds of the US population is overweight or obese. Even if you argue for James Deen from a pseudo-feminist perspective, what you're actually saying is this: "Only if you look as extremely attractive as these models do would you possibly hope to have sex with a man like James Deen." If one was to be far more cynical, the very attractive females could be shown as evidence that, in reality, the porn is actually being marketed towards men (fancy that!). As a heterosexual male, I can't remember the last time I looked at a porno and thought, "Gosh, that bloke is very good looking!" and I can't imagine women do it for their own sex either. If James Deen was having sex with average-looking girls, I might be more tempted to believe it's being scripted for average-looking women, but then that wouldn't sell for obvious reasons.

So yes, more women probably will watch more porn, but it's hardly because the industry is becoming more female friendly. It's because society in general is becoming more sexualised.

 

I think you're overlooking how many girls find other girls attractive. It's not even a matter of bisexauality/bicuriousity, if polled the general human population (at least that which would be looking at porn) would overwhelmingly say that females are more attractive than males sexually. Having an attractive female in porn is just as much for the female viewers as it is the male viewers.

 

That being said, I'm a fairly stright male and I recognize a good lookin' fella when I see one.

 

I have all kinds of data on career length of porn stars somewhere on one of my old hard drives. IIRC female porn stars are generally 18-23 and make all of like 3 videos in their career on average. Male porn stars are closer to 30, and have several dozen of videos in their career. So if you want to argue sexism in the porn industry, its lying somewhere in these data points, not the attractiveness of the actors/actresses