"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Noxx]

 

 

http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2013/05/05/love-and-lust/

 

Sexual attraction and love are two completely different things, let's not confuse the two.

Exactly. I'll still love her because she's an amazing person. But i'll no longer feel sexually attracted to her, so what's the point of continuing a committed monogamous relationship with her? If i have to fantasize about other women every time i have sex with her, why don't i just have sex with other women instead?

That is one of the biggest reasons why I am not monogamous >_>

 

 

Ginger I don't think he was getting defensive or anything. Relatively sure everybody ITT is more or less in agreement here. The only one who doesn't agree is Noxx's gf

 

Yeah i wasn't trying to defend my self, or justify my "actions". I was just agreeing on what Muggi said.

And i don't think my GF actually disagrees with anything either. She understands that you "fall in love" with a certain type of person.  When that person is no longer the same person you "fell in love" with, then obviously some sort of attraction will be lost. To me the attraction is more physical based and to her the attraction is more personality based. She said that if i ever changed the way i behaved (or became overly aggressive) she would have a hard time finding me attractive.

 

 

I do think Noxx owes it to her to make his point very clear though. It is a somewhat untraditional point of view, so she could perhaps be forgiven for thinking "he's just joking" or something like that.

 

If noxx wants to be polyamorous (essentially what he's describing even if not using that name) then he needs to be clear and direct with her about it. If she accepts it, great. If not, they can both move on.

 

She knows i'm not joking. I've mentioned this a few times before. Her mother is overweight out of pure laziness. I told her a few months ago that if she starts looking like her mother i'm out. Untraditional, vein, shallow, selfish... whatever the term people want to use, i don't think it's unreasonable at all. I'm sure if i don't find her attractive 100 other guys will. Guys who will appreciate her for being "chunky".

Also what i said i might as well be with other women i meant "woman", haha. I don't think i'm cut out for poly. I tried it once, it was fun. But it wasn't for me.

[muggiwhplar]

Serial monogamy would probably be the best for him

[obfuscator]

well, as long as you're up front about it, so she knows what to expect

 

@noxx do you think you'll stay with her when she gets old? even if she stays in "good shape"

[obfuscator]

i wouldn't be so negative; today's population is more scientifically literate than at any point in history

[muggiwhplar]

I think the weight loss industry is a better indicator of how lazy and entitled the average American is lol

[RpgGamer]

What if she has a thyroid issue? Shit looks a lot like obesity

[muggiwhplar]

Having a thyroid issue is no excuse. It simply means it will be more difficult to lose weight than if you didn't have that issue.

 

I've always wondered how many people get diagnosed with thyroid issues, only to react with joy and relief that they can now blame their thyroid for their obesity rather than their lack of self-discipline lol

[RpgGamer]

There's some merit to that, but understand that there are limits to the human body. While I'm also an advocate of human will power and strength of mind over matter, there are something that can not be overcome through sheer positivity. Hormone imbalances may prevent consistent happiness and stability. Thyroid problems may inhibit healthy phyical appearance. Will power can absolutely overcome these issues to an extent, but you can only work with the tools given to you.

[Giordano]

@noxx do you think you'll stay with her when she gets old? even if she stays in "good shape"

It'll be pretty stupid to leave her for her age, Noxx will be just as old as her.

 

Contrary to popular belief, there are only two types of old people who get girls in their early 20s: millionaires and billionaires.

[muggiwhplar]

By the time you're in your 60s and beyond you'll probably have a much lower sex drive and be more willing/capable of settling down with a less attractive woman.

 

But until then...

[muggiwhplar]

There's some merit to that, but understand that there are limits to the human body. While I'm also an advocate of human will power and strength of mind over matter, there are something that can not be overcome through sheer positivity. Hormone imbalances may prevent consistent happiness and stability. Thyroid problems may inhibit healthy phyical appearance. Will power can absolutely overcome these issues to an extent, but you can only work with the tools given to you.

If that's the case, though, I think it is an extremely rare one. At least, much more rare than people would like to admit.

 

In other words, the average person CAN lose weight and so can the average person with a thyroid condition. But just because they CAN doesn't mean they will :\

[Ginger_Warrior]

By the time you're in your 60s and beyond you'll probably have a much lower sex drive and be more willing/capable of settling down with a less attractive woman.

 

But until then...

Wrong: http://www.ageuk.org.uk/latest-press/archive/shhhhsex-doesnt-stop-in-your-60s/

 

 

i wouldn't be so negative; today's population is more scientifically literate than at any point in history

True, but then this has to be countered with the concept that the self-help industry has never been so good at convincing people to believe in bad science. Some examples of marketing in the cosmetic and self-help industry are made because people genuinely cannot evaluate evidence, and so all they see is "Magic pill magically burns fat, a study says", and not the actual methodology of the study which is likely to be far, far more limiting and, frankly, boring.

 

But then there are other examples of sciencey-looking "professionals" who just peddle horse shit around and purposefully do everything possible to make it believable, while evading proper scientific scrutiny and alienating consumers against sources of valid, scientific evidence. I'm talking nutritionists and I'm also talking homeopathy, which for some reason I cannot possibly begin to agree with, the NHS still provides funding for.

 

Anyway, that's my rant about evidence-based practice over. When I qualify, I promise I will avoid recommending quack self-help remedies to my patients. :)

[obfuscator]

 

By the time you're in your 60s and beyond you'll probably have a much lower sex drive and be more willing/capable of settling down with a less attractive woman.

 

But until then...

Wrong: http://www.ageuk.org.uk/latest-press/archive/shhhhsex-doesnt-stop-in-your-60s/

 

I don't think he said sex drive disappears, he said it lessens...which is true. According to that link you posted, 1/10 seniors want a new sexual relationship. for people 18-40 that's probably more like 1 in 3 lol.

[Ginger_Warrior]

 

 

By the time you're in your 60s and beyond you'll probably have a much lower sex drive and be more willing/capable of settling down with a less attractive woman.

 

But until then...

Wrong: http://www.ageuk.org.uk/latest-press/archive/shhhhsex-doesnt-stop-in-your-60s/

 

I don't think he said sex drive disappears, he said it lessens...which is true. According to that link you posted, 1/10 seniors want a new sexual relationship. for people 18-40 that's probably more like 1 in 3 lol.

 

He said a much lower sex drive. I hate to use semantics but, I was merely questioning the extent that muggi seems to think it lessens. Elderly people have sex, it's a massive taboo but it when you look at the statistics, you realise it's really not that weird of an idea to get your head around.

 

Either way, we're moving away from the point. By all means, finish a relationship because the 'spark' isn't there any more, although maybe you should at least make an effort to find it again. But to finish with someone simply because they grow old is asinine, so long as humans are incapable of slowing the aging process.

[muggiwhplar]

All the more reason to opt for serial monogamy or polyamory then

[Noxx]

As i mentioned before, age is unavoidable. I won't leave someone for their age. It's a natural process, getting fat isn't. Especially if you gain weight because of laziness. From age 10 - 20 i spent 3 - 5 hours 5 - 6 days a week on the tennis court and on the track field. I worked hard to maintain my figure by eating right. Sure, i did go through a phase of eating a lot of junk food, but i did what was needed to get rid of the shit in my body. The problem is that people take more calories than they need to, sit on the couch expecting to lose it and then this (points to RPG's question below) becomes their most convenient excuse.

 

 

What if she has a thyroid issue? Shit looks a lot like obesity

 

If it's a thyroid issue i want medical tests stating it. If it can't be medically proven by her, i'll assume she's being a lazy shit.

I just can't tolerate people who are overweight. I'm not sure why, but it frustrates the shit out of me. As i have said before, if i can keep a good figure then anyone can. Unless you have some sort of physical disability that prevents it, in which case i would understand.

 

When i went to the US i was disgusted in the majority of people who went to fast food franchises. More than half of the people i saw there should be eating nothing but celary sticks and drinking water.

I do not discriminate against them for being fat, i discriminate against them for being lazy and calling it an "illness" or "disease".

[obfuscator]

As i mentioned before, age is unavoidable. I won't leave someone for their age. It's a natural process, getting fat isn't. Especially if you gain weight because of laziness. From age 10 - 20 i spent 3 - 5 hours 5 - 6 days a week on the tennis court and on the track field. I worked hard to maintain my figure by eating right. Sure, i did go through a phase of eating a lot of junk food, but i did what was needed to get rid of the shit in my body. The problem is that people take more calories than they need to, sit on the couch expecting to lose it and then this (points to RPG's question below) becomes their most convenient excuse.

I didn't ask if you'd leave someone for their age, I asked if you find old people attractive.

 

There's also a big difference between being in shape and having a good figure. I can have a good figure if I sit indoors all the time and eat 1000 calories a day. Doesn't mean I'm healthy.

[RpgGamer]

Skinny people look good in clothes but fit people look good naked.

[Ginger_Warrior]

To a certain extent only. Hyperthyroidism and hypothyroidism tend to be long-term conditions which present with a complex array of interacting symptoms. The problem is you're treating human beings like machines. Human A has Condition B and takes Drug C because it worked on Human D.  It doesn't work as simply as that, and if you want, I can point you to a good dozen or so authors, who are all much more clever than me, who would back that assertion up with clinical evidence. There's a very wide range of factors which impact on a person's susceptibility to disease, and which also impact on how that disease presents and affects that individual's life.

 

I also disagree with your assertion that exercise doesn't help someone lose weight. In fact, I don't simply disagree, I know you're wrong there with 99.999% confidence. I wouldn't recommend to someone with a BMI of > 30 that they should be training weights; they need to lose the excess weight first, and strength training won't help with that. They should lose weight with anaerobic and cardiovascular exercises first until they're approaching a healthy weight, and then do strength training.

[RpgGamer]

I think the point of diets is to stick to them, not to inevitably stop putting your body through ideal habits.

 

But this is far far away from my area of expertise.

[muggiwhplar]

This is starting to get a bit too far off topic >_>

 

Granted, this thread's also the unofficial "let's dissect social norms and beliefs" thread :lol:

[Boris5000]

B'aww as a Biochemist who has some understanding of human metabolism, I feel what Ring World was saying is slightly off.

 

In regards to the original argument (from what I gather). The statement "I cannot lose weight". Ring World felt that such statement is obviously incorrect due to a thermodynamic explanation that if Caloric Input < Caloric Output = Caloric Loss, thus the body enters a "starvation state". I ofcourse haven't read what anyone else has said on this matter.

 

Human metabolism isn't directly controlled by the caloric intake and physical activity. Hormones mostly dictate how the fuel (The food and energy reserves we have within the body) is metabolised. Humans with leptin resistance (the hormone which signals to our brain that our stomach is full) are prone to over-eating, simply because the hormone is unable to signal to the brain that the stomach is full. On the otherside - Humans that produce an excess of ghrelin would find that they are irrationally hungry despite the fact they may have had recently eaten a substantial meal - and will overeat too.

 

I define obesity as "an imbalance between food intake and energy expenditure". And I strongly believe that majority of all obesity cases (the imbalance) are the result of the abnormal regulation of hormones.

 

Furthermore, caloric intake is controlled by physical exertion and diet-induced thermogenesis. In normal humans, the fat stores remain constant, but obviously as physical exertion decreases the fuel stores will begin to develop. During starvation, the body utilizes these fuel stores, glycogen and fat. After prolonged starvation - protein is metabolised to provide ketone bodies.

 

If *you* can manage a calorie-restricted diet, good for you. But understand that physiologically (endocrinologically) speaking you are likely to be somewhat different to an obese individual. And thus it is likely harder for an obese individual to lose weight. Am I saying all obese people have abnormal endocrines? Sure, shoot me.

 

But yes, Caloric restriction and increased physical exertion will inevitably lead to weight loss. But it isn't as simple as a thermodynamic problem. 

[Boris5000]

Borris i said what you said. With thermodynamics as a jusification about why starvation diets dont work

I wouldn't dismiss starvation diets, they do work. 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2466480/pdf/postmedj00373-0059.pdf

 

The article may be 40 years old, but that isn't a reason to dismiss it.  :P

 

I think there is that "lighter life" weight loss program too that has been floating around. One of my highschool teachers did it over the summer, none of his suits fit after, he looked too skinny.

[Tesset]

I don't understand allosexual people.

[obfuscator]

i don't even know what that means