Kimberly Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Even if it doesn't escalate to dating, just at least start trying to get back out there with other people. I'm not so sure her boyfriend was the only tool in that relationship. Anyone who plays the "I'm still figuring things out" line is not worth the heartache while they get to lap up the drama caused at your expense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginger_Warrior Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 It might also have been her way of letting a friend down gently. Either way, there's nothing on the table. Take muggi's advice and look elsewhere. | Favourite Game Music | Last.fm | HYT Friend Chat Rules | Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
constrictor Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Not gonna lie, haven't been in this thread in a long time - but Muggi over the past few months I've used the tips/suggestions you gave me (and others) in regards to relationships and I think I may be the most confident (in maybe an [wagon]/cocky way, but whatever) I have ever been. Thank you. haha. muziclab Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Not gonna lie, haven't been in this thread in a long time - but Muggi over the past few months I've used the tips/suggestions you gave me (and others) in regards to relationships and I think I may be the most confident (in maybe an [wagon]/cocky way, but whatever) I have ever been. Thank you. haha. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low Levelled Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I read each post and thought for a considerable amount of my time. My initial reaction was no, there's still a chance and I'm gonna see where it goes. And after thinking I realized you guys are right. I needa get back out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low Levelled Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 I read each post and thought for a considerable amount of my time. My initial reaction was no, there's still a chance and I'm gonna see where it goes. And after thinking I realized you guys are right. I needa get back out there. Annnnnnnd today she came over and told me she would like if I would wait for her to figure things out but she doesn't want to force me. LOLBYEBYE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 As a rule of thumb, anytime someone tells you that the ball is in their court, they're just politely rejecting you. This is true in both the dating world and the sales world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low Levelled Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Honestly I hadn't thought of it like that. Makes a world of sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginger_Warrior Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 I had a really weird eureka moment in the shower before (it's where I tend to do my craziest deep thinking). ------------------------------------------------------------- Romantic relationships (mono and poly)... they're just really selfish, aren't they? Like, you both need something from the other person that you don't get from other people in your life, and it's mutually beneficial, but really you're just hanging on each others' madness and profiteering from it as best you can. You haven't actually got a vested interest in helping the other person to root out whatever's causing them to be so needy. You just feed off it and get a fair trade for it. Kind of like giving bottled water knowing you could probably fix the well, but then you wouldn't have anything to sell. It's a bit like how the doctor says "take care" when you leave the room. But (s)he can't actually mean that statement sincerely, unless they wanted to be out of business. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm only getting that impression because one of my mates is blatantly stringing her ex along because she's quite needy for attention, and he's too clingy and too much of a doormat to tell her to [bleep] off. But then maybe that proves I'm right because he's quite... doting. He literally used to come round at 4am from another town about 25 miles away because she phoned up and asked him to. He can't tell he's being taken advantage of because, frankly, it makes him feel better and for some weird reason, he thinks that relationship makes him 'special' in her eyes. I've changed my mind. I think that probably only represents unhealthy relationships. OK, I'll stop rambling now. Someone make logical sense of that. 1 | Favourite Game Music | Last.fm | HYT Friend Chat Rules | Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 I had a really weird eureka moment in the shower before (it's where I tend to do my craziest deep thinking). ------------------------------------------------------------- Romantic relationships (mono and poly)... they're just really selfish, aren't they? Like, you both need something from the other person that you don't get from other people in your life, and it's mutually beneficial, but really you're just hanging on each others' madness and profiteering from it as best you can. You haven't actually got a vested interest in helping the other person to root out whatever's causing them to be so needy. You just feed off it and get a fair trade for it. Kind of like giving bottled water knowing you could probably fix the well, but then you wouldn't have anything to sell. It's a bit like how the doctor says "take care" when you leave the room. But (s)he can't actually mean that statement sincerely, unless they wanted to be out of business. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm only getting that impression because one of my mates is blatantly stringing her ex along because she's quite needy for attention, and he's too clingy and too much of a doormat to tell her to [bleep] off. But then maybe that proves I'm right because he's quite... doting. He literally used to come round at 4am from another town about 25 miles away because she phoned up and asked him to. He can't tell he's being taken advantage of because, frankly, it makes him feel better and for some weird reason, he thinks that relationship makes him 'special' in her eyes. I've changed my mind. I think that probably only represents unhealthy relationships. OK, I'll stop rambling now. Someone make logical sense of that. every action has an element of selfishness, relationships are no different. people in good relationships choose selfish actions that benefit their significant other, not just themselves 2 "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My lady friend is becoming a bit clingy, but with her deep abandonment issues I find it difficult to nicely phrase "I didnt contact you today because I've been awake for four hours and im out with friends not because I randomly decided to never talk to you ever again." I understand its exacerbated because she lives alone so there's no one to really divert her attention but...I really cant do that level of clingy. Not again. Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riku3220 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I recently got on Tinder. I got 3 matches but none of them responded to my first message. Guess I'll just wait for more matches. EDIT: Got a 4th match, she responded, turned out to be a drug dealer. :rolleyes: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giordano Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I had a really weird eureka moment in the shower before (it's where I tend to do my craziest deep thinking). ------------------------------------------------------------- Romantic relationships (mono and poly)... they're just really selfish, aren't they? Like, you both need something from the other person that you don't get from other people in your life, and it's mutually beneficial, Well the way I see it, is when we as a society want our romantic relationships to be on the same level of trust and support as our family and best friends, we're going to run into inconsistencies. Why should I date this person for support, when I got my best friend? Why don't I sleep with my best friend when I'm feeling "in the mood"? So girlfriends/boyfriends really become a status symbol and a [bleep] buddy. Sounds pretty selfish to me (not to say selfishness is a bad thing). it's just my opinion of course, perhaps not relevant to what you said but it triggered those thoughts. 1 "The cry of the poor is not always just, but if you never hear it you'll never know what justice is." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginger_Warrior Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My lady friend is becoming a bit clingy, but with her deep abandonment issues I find it difficult to nicely phrase "I didnt contact you today because I've been awake for four hours and im out with friends not because I randomly decided to never talk to you ever again." I understand its exacerbated because she lives alone so there's no one to really divert her attention but...I really cant do that level of clingy. Not again.You can do everything to make yourself assertive, but the one thing you can't ever do is to be accountable for someone else's insecurities or make someone else assertive. That's something people need to discover for themselves. If she was assertive already, she wouldn't take your lack of contact as some personal defect on her part, although I can see how being abandoned might make her naturally incline that way. All you can do is be sensitive, really. It's not something you can 'fix'. every action has an element of selfishness, relationships are no different.people in good relationships choose selfish actions that benefit their significant other, not just themselves I think you're right there. My friend definitely isn't interested in benefiting this guy, apart from sexually. He's got kids from a previous relationship and whenever he even mentions them, she goes into a sulk. When they were seeing each other, she once demanded he take pictures of them off his phone and out of his apartment. If I put myself in her shoes, I can see why his kids might make you feel a bit jealous and insecure, but the way she reacted was really selfish. If I started seeing a girl who had kids, I can't imagine anything worse than saying "If you want this to carry on, get rid of any memory of them". If it was an issue, surely the right thing to do would be to say, "I'm not prepared or ready to be in a relationship with someone who has kids, so before this goes any further, I'm really sorry but this can't carry on." | Favourite Game Music | Last.fm | HYT Friend Chat Rules | Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Reminds me of this quote "A great burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as I’d thought there were things I was entitled to, I’d been wearing myself out — physically and emotionally — trying to collect them.No one owes me moral conduct, respect, friendship, love, courtesy, or intelligence. And once I recognized that, all my relationships became far more satisfying. I’ve focused on being with people who want to do the things I want them to do.That understanding has served me well with friends, business associates, lovers, sales prospects, and strangers. It constantly reminds me that I can get what I want only if I can enter the other person’s world. I must try to understand how he thinks, what he believes to be important, what he wants. Only then can I appeal to someone in ways that will bring me what I want." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Estonian dude Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Number one advice for me from this thread and also elsewhere so far was to stop giving a [bleep].Life is easy. So I've noticed this thread's regulars all follow similar trends. RPG is constantly dealing with psycho exes.Muggi reminds us of the joys of polygamy.Saq is totally oblivious to how much chicks dig him.I strike out every other week.Kalphite wages a war against the friend zone.Randox pretty much stays rational.Etc, etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low Levelled Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Number one advice for me from this thread and also elsewhere so far was to stop giving a [bleep].Life is easy.Maybe if you want to become a shell of a human. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Estonian dude Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I didn't mean it quite literally.But I meant that one should stop giving a [bleep] about what random people think of you.Stop giving a [bleep] about past mistakes.Stop giving a [bleep] about rejections.Stop giving a [bleep] about searching for a girlfriend or etc.Stop giving a [bleep] about things that aren't somehow beneficial or pleasant for you. So I've noticed this thread's regulars all follow similar trends. RPG is constantly dealing with psycho exes.Muggi reminds us of the joys of polygamy.Saq is totally oblivious to how much chicks dig him.I strike out every other week.Kalphite wages a war against the friend zone.Randox pretty much stays rational.Etc, etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Just do you man. I more or less broke up with my lady friend after she threatened to kill herself. I really can't handle another one of those girls. Awesome as she was, I'm not gonna get manipulated by suicidal tendencies again. I cant have a future with that. Shame though. I really liked her. Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Especially after I told her about the girl I almost dated last year who really did kill herself. You can't just throw that back at my face. Completely over the line Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 I had a really weird eureka moment in the shower before (it's where I tend to do my craziest deep thinking). ------------------------------------------------------------- Romantic relationships (mono and poly)... they're just really selfish, aren't they? Like, you both need something from the other person that you don't get from other people in your life, and it's mutually beneficial,Well the way I see it, is when we as a society want our romantic relationships to be on the same level of trust and support as our family and best friends, we're going to run into inconsistencies. Why should I date this person for support, when I got my best friend? Why don't I sleep with my best friend when I'm feeling "in the mood"? So girlfriends/boyfriends really become a status symbol and a [bleep] buddy. Sounds pretty selfish to me (not to say selfishness is a bad thing). it's just my opinion of course, perhaps not relevant to what you said but it triggered those thoughts.If people treated relationships the same way as they treat their closest friendships, their lives would be a lot happier. But that is difficult to do since most people have really crazy beliefs surrounding love, sex, trust, etc. Like, imagine how chaotic my friendships would be if my friends and I weren't allowed to hang out with other friends without the other's permission. Or if I couldn't move to a new city when I wanted to because that would somehow threaten our friendship and its longevity. Or if I was only allowed to do certain activities with one friend and nobody else. It's funny how I can go years without communicating with some of my friends and then I'll randomly start chatting with them or I'll meet up with them and things pick back up right where we left off, as if we had been "together" the whole time. Yet things like that are only possible due to the overall sense of freedom and lack of expectations inherent to a friendship. To many of my friends, I am their best friend. I don't really have my own "best friend," but I do categorize my friends based on how much mutual trust and closeness there is. In some instances, my friends might have a best friend who isn't me. But that doesn't make our friendship any less meaningful to me. Though I imagine if that particular friend was my one and only "best friend," then suddenly our friendship might begin to experience some turbulence. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Lets write a book together muggiw Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 i like to think i'm muggi's "best internet friend" "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 You're definitely #1 on my list of "TIFers whom I'd like to go grab a bear with" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginger_Warrior Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Personally, I'd prefer to grab a beer. | Favourite Game Music | Last.fm | HYT Friend Chat Rules | Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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