"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Ginger_Warrior]

 wouldn't dismiss starvation diets, they do work. 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2466480/pdf/postmedj00373-0059.pdf

 

The article may be 40 years old, but that isn't a reason to dismiss it.  :P

Not necessarily from a logical point of view, but it can be. It is a reason if there's a newer diet/exercise programme for losing weight which has been shown in clinical trials to be more effective than starvation diets.

[Bonez899]

I don't understand allosexual people.

And what is it about is that you don't understand?

 

Based on this definition.

Allosexual is a word, most probably made by the ace community, to describe someone who isn’t asexual.

 

[Tesset]

"I'm not attracted to slightly overweight women, therefore thermodynamics."

[muggiwhplar]

I think most men are unattracted to overweight women >_>

[obfuscator]

depends how overweight. slightly overweight is often okay (emphasizes womanly bodily characteristics)

[Tesset]

That's not what I have a problem with. The problem I have is that you all immediately jumped to defending that lack of attraction with no one disagreeing with you, using absolutely ludicrous arguments.

 

Mostly I just don't understand the idea of leaving someone you're romantically attracted to over the fact that you're not sexually attracted to them, but that's why I don't understand allosexuals in general.

[obfuscator]

That's not what I have a problem with. The problem I have is that you all immediately jumped to defending that lack of attraction with no one disagreeing with you, using absolutely ludicrous arguments.

 

Mostly I just don't understand the idea of leaving someone you're romantically attracted to over the fact that you're not sexually attracted to them, but that's why I don't understand allosexuals in general.

Just because no one's arguing with him doesn't mean everyone agrees. The reason I don't bother arguing is because we've already had all of these discussions and they don't go anywhere.

 

Also, what is an allosexual, and why are you implying I'm one?

[RpgGamer]

I like my women like I like my metal.

 

...

 

Black and heavy

[RpgGamer]

"Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex" 

-Hunter S. Thompson

[Tesset]

 

That's not what I have a problem with. The problem I have is that you all immediately jumped to defending that lack of attraction with no one disagreeing with you, using absolutely ludicrous arguments.

 

Mostly I just don't understand the idea of leaving someone you're romantically attracted to over the fact that you're not sexually attracted to them, but that's why I don't understand allosexuals in general.

Just because no one's arguing with him doesn't mean everyone agrees. The reason I don't bother arguing is because we've already had all of these discussions and they don't go anywhere.

 

Also, what is an allosexual, and why are you implying I'm one?

 

Sorry, it's this:

 

Allosexual is a word, most probably made by the ace community, to describe someone who isn’t asexual.

And I guess I'm assuming you're not asexual. I might be wrong, I don't know.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I think most men are unattracted to overweight women >_>

We have a problem, then, given around two-thirds of women in the developed world are overweight.

[RpgGamer]

 

 

I think most men are unattracted to overweight women >_>

We have a problem, then, given around two-thirds of women in the developed world are overweight.

Supply and demand. 3.5 billion women on this planet, they can't all be dimes. Gotta be the best you you can be. And always be clean. Especially if you're urban adjacent. You have no idea how much it helps.

[Ginger_Warrior]

But then two-thirds of men are also overweight. So in mathematical terms, we've got roughly around a third of the population who are a) unattracted to women their own 'healthiness value' (if you define this by weight); and b) incapable of attracting women their own 'healthiness value'.

 

I'm starting to have doubts about this system. People should strive to be healthy, but there's far more to attraction than judging their waist size, surely.

[muggiwhplar]

A woman's physical appearance is the only thing that can sexually attract me. Everything else-- her intelligence, sense of humor, maturity, etc. attract me romantically but not sexually.

 

In other words:

Hot with awesome personality: I want to have a relationship with her

Hot with lame personality: I want her as a friend with benefits

Not hot with awesome personality: platonic friend (though I try to avoid these, as having feelings for someone you are not sexually attracted to can cause big problems)

Not hot with lame personality: nothing

 

Like I said earlier, love and sexual attraction are two separate things. If a girl is cool, smart, funny, etc; that's awesome, but at the end of the day, those traits don't give me a boner and it's a dealbreaker for me if she isn't sexually attractive too. She needs to have a hot face or big boobs or a big ass, etc. for me to want her in my life.

 

Sounds shallow, insensitive, immature, and offensive, but that's just how my brain works >_>

 

I think a lot of people put too much emphasis on romantic attraction and try to pretend like sexual attraction isn't important, which then leads to problems down the road

 

But then two-thirds of men are also overweight. So in mathematical terms, we've got roughly around a third of the population who are a) unattracted to women their own 'healthiness value' (if you define this by weight); and b) incapable of attracting women their own 'healthiness value'.

 

I'm starting to have doubts about this system. People should strive to be healthy, but there's far more to attraction than judging their waist size, surely.

Women are mostly sexually attracted to things like a man's confidence, non-neediness, and ambition rather than his physical appearance though.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I'd argue the same is true of a lot of men about women. This is a problem when men are generalized as wild sex beasts whose only interests are a woman's face and cup size and need to be 'tamed' by the right woman; it's a warped stereotype, a lot of it fantasized by Hollywood, which only holds limited validity to a minority of men. Which is why I think it's senseless that somebody would take such a black and white attitude towards weight, much less try and extract all sorts of assumptions about her personality from it. It unfortunately also leads to this sort of white knight vs Neanderthal BS being posted on trashy magazine sites.

 

The biggest turn off for me, as a heterosexual man (and I hope it's obvious I'm only speaking myself with the qualification that I'm sexually attracted to women) is a woman with no obvious ambition or interests. Trying to get any sort of spark going with somebody who literally has no passion to talk about is incredibly difficult.

[muggiwhplar]

I'd argue the same is true of a lot of men about women. This is a problem when men are generalized as wild sex beasts whose only interests are a woman's face and cup size and need to be 'tamed' by the right woman; it's a warped stereotype, a lot of it fantasized by Hollywood, which only holds limited validity to a minority of men. Which is why I think it's senseless that somebody would take such a black and white attitude towards weight, much less try and extract all sorts of assumptions about her personality from it. It unfortunately also leads to this sort of white knight vs Neanderthal BS being posted on trashy magazine sites.

 

The biggest turn off for me, as a heterosexual man (and I hope it's obvious I'm only speaking myself with the qualification that I'm sexually attracted to women) is a woman with no obvious ambition or interests. Trying to get any sort of spark going with somebody who literally has no passion to talk about is incredibly difficult.

 

If a girl had what you consider to be a perfect body, yet she had no ambition/interests, would you have any desire to have sex with her?

 

I feel like the difference between me and a lot of other guys is, if a girl is hot but has an incompatible personality, they will suddenly have no interest in having sex with her anymore, whereas I will still [bleep] her-- I just won't get into a relationship with her.

[RpgGamer]

 

 

I'd argue the same is true of a lot of men about women. This is a problem when men are generalized as wild sex beasts whose only interests are a woman's face and cup size and need to be 'tamed' by the right woman; it's a warped stereotype, a lot of it fantasized by Hollywood, which only holds limited validity to a minority of men. Which is why I think it's senseless that somebody would take such a black and white attitude towards weight, much less try and extract all sorts of assumptions about her personality from it. It unfortunately also leads to this sort of white knight vs Neanderthal BS being posted on trashy magazine sites.

 

The biggest turn off for me, as a heterosexual man (and I hope it's obvious I'm only speaking myself with the qualification that I'm sexually attracted to women) is a woman with no obvious ambition or interests. Trying to get any sort of spark going with somebody who literally has no passion to talk about is incredibly difficult.

If a girl had what you consider to be a perfect body, yet she had no ambition/interests, would you have any desire to have sex with her?

 

I feel like the difference between me and a lot of other guys is, if a girl is hot but has an incompatible personality, they will suddenly have no interest in having sex with her anymore, whereas I will still [bleep] her-- I just won't get into a relationship with her.

I'm mostly the same way, but great body or not I have a threshold of tolerable ignorance that determines if I'm willing to have (or try to have) sex with them. I graduated with quite a number of insanely attractive (physically) girls, and while I would absolutely enjoy having sex with all of them, there's only a handful that I'd have actually tried for because most of them... week it's like talking to a wall then trying to have sex with it, it's not fun.

 

(This argument is based on the fact that I enjoy sex 1000x more if I actually like the person I'm sleeping with. Sleeping with girls I don't feel connected to on some level feels empty. Like sparkling wine compared to champagne)

[muggiwhplar]

http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/05/01/when-men-defend-friend-zone-platonic-female-friends/ ginger might find this interesting

[obfuscator]

I do think personality can be a source of sexual attraction for men, in terms of adding to physical attraction

[Ginger_Warrior]

http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/05/01/when-men-defend-friend-zone-platonic-female-friends/ ginger might find this interesting

1) I'm not actually that arsed about having sex, at least not compared to other guys my age. My brother asked me recently whether I was asexual because I seem to show little interest in attracting sexual partners at parties. I'm definitely not asexual, though. I had sex with two girls I wasn't interested in emotionally. It was nothing special and didn't really do anything for me. Most of the time, I'm focused on bigger issues in my life and the world around me, and yes, that sometimes involves women who I'd describe as friends. I guess that point really depends on what you're focused on and what you find important. Clearly we have different ideas about this, which is normal and I'm comfortable with that;

 

2) I proudly define myself as not being Alpha. Or at least, not the idea of Alpha you seem to present. Except having the self-confidence to not follow someone else's idea of Alpha is quite Alpha-ish, I guess. Meh... contradictions. Either way, I can live with not abiding rules about what Alphas shouldn't be doing;

 

3) If you really want to [bleep] her that bad, you're not really being platonic in the first place, are you? Or at least, if you pretend to be platonic, you're being very disingenuous. Everything else is a moot point after you establish that premise. The only thing I would say, having posted here not six months ago about being attracted to one of my best friends, is that that physical attraction does go quite quickly when you realize nothing's going to happen. It's not really suppression, you just start finding other woman attractive instead. Me and that girl still talk and go to bars now, and there's nothing there any more, honestly;

 

4) I couldn't give a rat's arse about my 'social standing', really, especially not one that's defined by the number of women I'm having sex with. But you did mention a caveat on that point being more relevant to extraverts. I'm very introverted, although I can 'act' extroverted if I really need to, so I guess if I disagreed with that point it would be meaningless.

 

In answer to your directed question, I think I've answered it in point 1). I did, and it wasn't that enjoyable.

 

I like agreement, though, so let's agree on this. Milhouse's line in The Simpsons when Lisa asks him to pass a love note to Nelson. About how if she sees he'll do anything she tells him, she'll definitely respect him? We both agree there. But then, let's be honest, that's just about true for any human relationship. Giving in to unreasonable demands or doing things you don't want to do is overly passive behaviour, which indicates low self-esteem. That's not healthy in any context, let alone sex and dating.

[muggiwhplar]

3) If you really want to [bleep] her that bad, you're not really being platonic in the first place, are you? Or at least, if you pretend to be platonic, you're being very disingenuous. Everything else is a moot point after you establish that premise.

Well no not necessarily. I think usually you and the girl are "technically" platonic by default until something sexual happens. But even if you're both "platonic," you can still have mutual sexual attraction/intent. Like if you and your coworker clearly are attracted to each other, yet you remain platonic because you don't want to sleep with the people you work with. I wouldn't call it disingenuous in such a case.

 

But in all fairness I don't think that's usually the case for most guys. I think most guys want sex and/or a relationship out of a girl, aren't getting it, and are afraid of being forward with their intentions to her. And if that's the case then yeah I could see that being considered disingenuous. Being disingenuous in such circumstances really is just shooting yourself in the foot.

 

The only thing I would say, having posted here not six months ago about being attracted to one of my best friends, is that that physical attraction does go quite quickly when you realize nothing's going to happen. It's not really suppression, you just start finding other woman attractive instead. Me and that girl still talk and go to bars now, and there's nothing there any more, honestly;

YES. I wish more guys understood this. I think one of the best anti-anxiety and anti-stress tools is certainty. I think the reason why the infamous "friendzone" gets such a bad rep is because the guys trapped in it have a perpetual false hope that someday things will change (more specifically, he hopes things will change without him actually having to change his beliefs and behaviors). And this false hope is what causes stress and anxiety. Once they finally understand with absolute certainty that nothing is ever going to happen, suddenly that stress and anxiety starts to go away very quickly.

[muggiwhplar]

http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.php?11951-The-Official-quot-Challenge-Blackdragon-Thread-quot-Read-top-post-for-more-info

 

[RpgGamer]

After finals ill give that a good once over. Looks promising

[Low Levelled]

I have broken one of my rules. I have developed relatively strong feelings for a girl. (Not the one I called the wrong name. LAWL) This girl and I have had a semi platonic thing for the last couple months and when she broke up with her boyfriend a little over a month ago my perception of her rapidly began to change. I started seeing her as a woman again as opposed to some broad with a toolbag boyfriend. Buuuuuuuuuut, I have drunkenly stated my feelings for her multiple times and I STRONGLY regret doing so. It did not go over well either time. As in she told me she needed time before thinking about things blah blah blah. FUUUUUUUUUUU. We finish our freshmen year this Friday and we live in towns pretty near each other. So IDK. Things aren't looking up but it might go somewhere. Dumb and Dumber taught me there's always a chance, ha. [bleep]ing girls, man.

[muggiwhplar]

Go start dating other women ASAP