"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Veiva]

It's amazing what a good therapist and the proper medication can do. Also it helps that I felt that doing something--no matter how small--is better than doing nothing, no matter how I feel. It's a snowball effect--one day you're just spending 20 minutes cleaning, 20 minutes reading or watching TV, a year later you're spending 25-30 hours at work, 30-40 hours at school, etc.

 

I went from being overweight, messy, lazy, unfashionable, very sick (i.e., mentally ill), poor-as-dirt/financially-unsound to proper weight, organized-as-a-mother[bleep], determined, fashionable, financially stable, and mentally stable. (There's probably more). It has been hard, but I was lucky enough to develop a strong support network so I could achieve what I needed.

[Estonian dude]

Welp, I've finally done it.

While suffering the worst hangover of the year (so far) I managed to get Tinder date and go full on. Finally ticked that part out of the backpacker to-do list.

She was Argentinian.

 

And now I know what is that regret...

[Veiva]

Yeah this dating thing isn't for me.

 

I met someone amazing, we've been on a few dates, I'm absolutely smitten, then he realizes he doesn't want to date when I go for a kiss (afaik they recently got out of a relationship when they moved to Fayettenam). Every other date I've been on was meh in comparison to the few we were on.

 

We made Noam Chomsky look conservative, plus we had like all the same core hobbies. The chance of meeting someone like that is very slim in this shitty place (i.e., conservative military supercenter with lots of restaurants and nothing else) so I'll try again when I move near Raleigh in a few years.

 

I may just use Grindr for hook ups, but the idea of getting murdered or raped scares me a bit. (That's a little bit of hyperbole).

[RpgGamer]

Recognizing that dating needs to wait a moment is super mature though.

[Estonian dude]

Life pro tip: do not invite a girl for a coffee outside a bar at 3 AM. Specially not when you are pretty pissed and don't even know the city and where to get one... (although I'm kinda thinking she was expecting to hear my place as the answer to where to get the coffee from)

 

I am doing SO [bleep]ing much better just going out than in Tinder or any apps. I was chasing one, but mate told me I had a handful of girls circling all around me... Only issue was that I myself didn't notice.

[Estonian dude]

Life pro tip: do not invite a girl for a coffee outside a bar at 3 AM. Specially not when you are pretty pissed and don't even know the city and where to get one... (although I'm kinda thinking she was expecting to hear my place as the answer to where to get the coffee from)

 

I am doing SO [bleep]ing much better just going out than in Tinder or any apps. I was chasing one, but mate told me I had a handful of girls circling all around me... Only issue was that I myself didn't notice.

[Estonian dude]

Life pro tip: do not invite a girl for a coffee outside a bar at 3 AM. Specially not when you are pretty pissed and don't even know the city and where to get one... (although I'm kinda thinking she was expecting to hear my place as the answer to where to get the coffee from)

 

I am doing SO [bleep]ing much better just going out than in Tinder or any apps. I was chasing one, but mate told me I had a handful of girls circling all around me... Only issue was that I myself didn't notice.

[obfuscator]

life pro tip: don't triple post

[Estonian dude]

That was completely unintended and I don't even understand how it happened... Didn't repress post or anything.

[muggiwhplar]

Yeah this dating thing isn't for me.

 

I met someone amazing, we've been on a few dates, I'm absolutely smitten, then he realizes he doesn't want to date when I go for a kiss (afaik they recently got out of a relationship when they moved to Fayettenam). Every other date I've been on was meh in comparison to the few we were on.

 

We made Noam Chomsky look conservative, plus we had like all the same core hobbies. The chance of meeting someone like that is very slim in this shitty place (i.e., conservative military supercenter with lots of restaurants and nothing else) so I'll try again when I move near Raleigh in a few years.

 

I may just use Grindr for hook ups, but the idea of getting murdered or raped scares me a bit. (That's a little bit of hyperbole).

Stick with it. People who have that effect on you are more common than you think. I’d say I develop a crush on a girl on the first date maybe 1 in every 10-15 first dates

[obfuscator]

I’d say I develop a crush on a girl on the first date maybe 1 in every 10-15 first dates

he's got the itis!

[Estonian dude]

Oh god no! Not the gingivitis?!?!

 

But I'm still smitten by the blasted oneitis... Gonna have a month of offtime this summer, wondering if I can build anything out of it.

[colbert]

Any tips or strategies to get an ex boyfriend back? It's long distance now since he moved countries. 

[Veiva]

Stick with it. People who have that effect on you are more common than you think. I’d say I develop a crush on a girl on the first date maybe 1 in every 10-15 first dates

8 (in my case) isn't too far from 10...

 

Since you're good at what you do, what kind of pictures should I use on Tinder and OkCupid?

 

[hide]

0) Thought about using this one:

 

 

Currently using:

 

1)

 

 

2)

 

 

3)

 

[/hide]

 

Personally thinking of getting a photo with a friend or two (if I can manage to get more than one to meet up with me ._.) to replace #3, and get a better torso-up picture to replace #1. I think #2 is great. #0 would be near the end if I use it, but I think it may scream "nerdy."

 

For the bio, I don't remember what I had (I deleted my Tinder account once I stopped getting any matches, apparently there's some ELO rank system and I guess I hit the bottom, plus I didn't match with women often.)

 

The only line I've ever liked is "I make some of the best pizza you've never had" but am at a loss for the rest. Was thinking about something a little silly like:

 

 

Makes some of the best pizza you've never had. Made a robot but it ended up playing video games all day. Once was struck by lightning.

 

I may exaggerate, but so do "based on a true story" movies.

 

(That's the idea, not the verbatim.)

 

OkCupid is bit harder since it should be serious so I honestly have no idea what to do for my main bio there LOL. I had better luck with OkCupid with what I had.

 

It was something like:

 

 

"I'm a little eclectic. I make the best pizza you've never had and the worst muffins ever. X but then opposite X. [repeat 3 times].

 

...

 

Something something something.

 

...

 

I may say the glass is half full but I'm an optimist. (something like that, more positive stuff)."

[RpgGamer]

Any tips or strategies to get an ex boyfriend back? It's long distance now since he moved countries.

Send him your left ear - first class mail

 

But seriously, without either you moving there or him moving back im not sure I understand the point. Also, getting back together with exes is just am all around bad idea in just about every instance.

[muggiwhplar]

 

Stick with it. People who have that effect on you are more common than you think. I’d say I develop a crush on a girl on the first date maybe 1 in every 10-15 first dates

8 (in my case) isn't too far from 10...

 

Since you're good at what you do, what kind of pictures should I use on Tinder and OkCupid?

 

[hide]

0) Thought about using this one:

 

 

Currently using:

 

1)

 

 

2)

 

 

3)

 

[/hide]

 

Personally thinking of getting a photo with a friend or two (if I can manage to get more than one to meet up with me ._.) to replace #3, and get a better torso-up picture to replace #1. I think #2 is great. #0 would be near the end if I use it, but I think it may scream "nerdy."

 

For the bio, I don't remember what I had (I deleted my Tinder account once I stopped getting any matches, apparently there's some ELO rank system and I guess I hit the bottom, plus I didn't match with women often.)

 

The only line I've ever liked is "I make some of the best pizza you've never had" but am at a loss for the rest. Was thinking about something a little silly like:

 

 

Makes some of the best pizza you've never had. Made a robot but it ended up playing video games all day. Once was struck by lightning.

 

I may exaggerate, but so do "based on a true story" movies.

 

(That's the idea, not the verbatim.)

 

OkCupid is bit harder since it should be serious so I honestly have no idea what to do for my main bio there LOL. I had better luck with OkCupid with what I had.

 

It was something like:

 

 

"I'm a little eclectic. I make the best pizza you've never had and the worst muffins ever. X but then opposite X. [repeat 3 times].

 

...

 

Something something something.

 

...

 

I may say the glass is half full but I'm an optimist. (something like that, more positive stuff)."

 

 

If you're satisfied with the number of dates you're currently getting then you don't need to change anything. As a rule of thumb I wouldn't have any more than 2 or 3 photos, and try to have as much variety in your pics as possible. Your sense of fashion looks good. My profile description on Tinder/Bumble's almost always empty, whereas my profile on a website like OKC will be like a 3 paragraph essay.

 

I think there's a feature on Tinder you can use where it'll tell you which of your pics are the best.

[Estonian dude]

I think I got rid of the blasted oneitis.

 

Going out more helps.

 

And bloody hell, my success rate when going out here is frightening. Mainly cause I was only out a very limited amount of times, but still. And every time the girls have wanted to see me again, so I am the one to leave...

 

Seems like the line in my signature about me is true, I have no idea how much chicks dig me and I actually am good-looking. Not traditionally good-looking though, and not photogenic, as Tinder still sucks for me, but a lot better irl.

[Estonian dude]

 

Here is something which might help you, over a very long-term and (hopefully) permanent basis, to realize you have much more to offer people than you currently believe. There's other strategies you can resort to if you feel that won't help.

 

 

I don't think I would ever go through with something like that.

I don't trust anyone IRL enough for that. There is one person that knows a bit about what I feel and what I think. But she knows maybe half of what this thread has heard from me. And she thinks I am the most introverted person she has ever met.

I've been hurt by my best friends way too much to ever even dare to admit I have such problems. My best mate thinks I have been with multiple girls. And that I have no problems whatsoever.

 

I actually somewhat feel like I have dual personalities or something. Since when I am out with someone, I get along with everybody. Literally. Tonight I went out drinking with some punk dudes. Like serious, hardcore, mohawk and blue hair and chains punk dudes. And I didn't really feel too much out of place. I suit with everybody.

Last freshmen party, called Retro at the finest nightclub in city - I knew half the bloody dancefloor. I get along with everybody really easily.

And that makes everything so bloody hard to comprehend for me.

I wanna punch that guy right now. To a bloody pulp.

 

Just checking my old posts here, what the bloody hell was I thinking?!?

[Veiva]

If you're satisfied with the number of dates you're currently getting then you don't need to change anything. As a rule of thumb I wouldn't have any more than 2 or 3 photos, and try to have as much variety in your pics as possible. Your sense of fashion looks good. My profile description on Tinder/Bumble's almost always empty, whereas my profile on a website like OKC will be like a 3 paragraph essay.

 

I think there's a feature on Tinder you can use where it'll tell you which of your pics are the best.

See that's the thing, I don't match with women on Tinder. (On OkCupid I had some more luck but it was usually with non-cis/non-straight women b/c OkCupid insists on pointing out I'm bi I guess).

 

I don't think my pictures are bad (I used pictures 1 & 2 + a third I haven't posted that's at least ok); they're a lot better than most guys (anecdote, some acquaintances/friends showed me their Tinder queue things + my experience looking at guys' profiles while swiping). I think my bio is ok at worst:

 

Makes the best pizza you've never had. Programmed a robot but it ended up playing video games all day. Once was struck by lightning.

 

I may exaggerate, but so does Hollywood.

But no matches. Even when I had Tinder Plus for a month not even fat and/or ugly women would swipe right (few exceptions).

 

I think I'm attractive (above average?) but either women literally only swipe right on 9+/10s, Tinder is putting me at the bottom of the queue, or I'm screwing something up.

 

I do so much better in person (of course that's not relevant), so again I'm just left confused.

[RpgGamer]

I'd rather be successful in person than online anyway, y'dig?

[muggiwhplar]

 

If you're satisfied with the number of dates you're currently getting then you don't need to change anything. As a rule of thumb I wouldn't have any more than 2 or 3 photos, and try to have as much variety in your pics as possible. Your sense of fashion looks good. My profile description on Tinder/Bumble's almost always empty, whereas my profile on a website like OKC will be like a 3 paragraph essay.

 

I think there's a feature on Tinder you can use where it'll tell you which of your pics are the best.

See that's the thing, I don't match with women on Tinder. (On OkCupid I had some more luck but it was usually with non-cis/non-straight women b/c OkCupid insists on pointing out I'm bi I guess).

 

I don't think my pictures are bad (I used pictures 1 & 2 + a third I haven't posted that's at least ok); they're a lot better than most guys (anecdote, some acquaintances/friends showed me their Tinder queue things + my experience looking at guys' profiles while swiping). I think my bio is ok at worst:

 

Makes the best pizza you've never had. Programmed a robot but it ended up playing video games all day. Once was struck by lightning.

 

I may exaggerate, but so does Hollywood.

But no matches. Even when I had Tinder Plus for a month not even fat and/or ugly women would swipe right (few exceptions).

 

I think I'm attractive (above average?) but either women literally only swipe right on 9+/10s, Tinder is putting me at the bottom of the queue, or I'm screwing something up.

 

I do so much better in person (of course that's not relevant), so again I'm just left confused.

 

 

In my experience, you really have to emphasize the masculine aspects of your personality if you want women to notice you online. Unless you have a traditionally-masculine appearance (meaning you're rugged-looking or have big muscles), then you're going to have to convey masculinity through your profile description... which isn't an option on Tinder and Bumble. So consequently those dating apps should only be used as supplements for OKC/POF/Match, where you should write a ~500 word profile description to compensate for your photos.

 

My original profile on OKC/POF was just generic boring stuff about how I was a college grad, what my hobbies were, what I was looking for, and maybe some lame jokes/puns sprinkled in. It took me about 200 openers to get a single date. So then I rewrote my profile to make me sound like a bit more of a jerk and then my results went up to 40 openers per date.

 

For example, instead of saying "I'm an introvert" on your profile, instead try, "I love being by myself. If you're going to need my attention 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, consider talking to somebody else or adopting a puppy. :)" This conveys that you're an introvert and, more importantly, that you don't give a [bleep] if they're interested or not. It also implies that you're picky and have a lot of options-- and that you're trying to filter out the women who really need lots of attention.

 

Your profile should convey that you're smart, successful, humorous, non-needy, and a bit of a jerk.

[Veiva]

Thanks for the advice!

 

It won't work for me because I'm really [bleep]ing effeminate lol. Just a couple days ago I had a coworker say I make her fell less of a women after my make-up routine... (I consider myself non-binary so there's that).

 

I prefer guys & non-cis/non-straight anyway, but it's just always annoyed me why I don't match with women. If that's true then that explains it. I guess that's why I do better in person, too.

[muggiwhplar]

Women can go for effeminate men... just not online where they're basically forced to choose between masculine and effeminate. You're better off meeting women IRL and getting to know them over a period of months if you don't want to explore your masculine side. Beware the friendzone though :P

[Estonian dude]

Yeah, get off Tinder and get out there!

 

There was some research about how 1% prettiest guys get 80% matches or sth like that, the statistics were absolutely horrifying. Worse than the current wealth imbalance in the world. Tinder sucks for anything below 10/10 guys. I really use it more like a pastime, that swiping, cause I know that I'm not 10/10 and getting matches would be a wonder.

 

Oh, and friendzone is not that bad either, if you play cards well you could meet the friends, who might be even better match ;)

[Bonez899]

Alright, so I've got Tinder figured out to the stage of getting a number. What do then?

 

Short text conversation and then try for a meet as quickly as possible? Or should I be pitching a meet, then getting a number, and only texting to confirm the meet and then day of meet to reconfirm?

 

Or am I way off the mark?