"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[RpgGamer]

First of all you should only be giving out your whatsapp number in case they're nuts. They frequently are. Once you trust them you can switch to a real number.

 

But yeah, if you don't meet in 72 hours it's basically going to turn into a series of postpones and canceled until one or both of you stops caring

[Bonez899]

@Ring - Guess I've gotta cut down the messages. Although I have been doing less than 10 to number, I'll work on getting quicker to the meet.

 

@RPG - Guess I should be getting WhatsApp then? Was planning to be pitching close meets, guess I just have a little bit on anxiety left over it.

[RpgGamer]

Anxiety is common for tinder users, just remember that you downloaded the app to meet new people - - not just to pass time by swiping (unless you did in which case you mostly just need a new hobby)

 

I suggest the whatsapp thing because I made the mistake of not using it, mostly because it never occurred to me that giving out my number might actually be a horrible idea. Turns out it was a horrible idea. I just thought I could save you the headache of also potentially making that mistake

[muggiwhplar]

Online dating's a race against the clock. The longer you wait to meet up, the more likely it is that some other guy will show up and get priority. As someone she's never met before, you're at the bottom of the totem pole until you meet face-to-face. On Tinder, if I don't schedule a date on the same day or the following day, I'm probably never going to meet them. But if you must schedule the date further than 48 hours away, you need to be communicating with her frequently enough so that she doesn't forget about you, while at the same time still keeping her interested in meeting up... which, to me, is a huge pain in the ass so I usually just unmatch if they can't meet up within 48 hours.

 

If you're getting dates within a reasonable amount of messages exchanged, you probably don't need to worry about moving faster. The main reason people recommend pitching the meet ASAP is because a lot of women you talk to have no intention of ever meeting you (for various reasons), but they'd still love to talk to you indefinitely and waste your time. Pitching the meet ASAP filters out the time wasters.

 

I've never had any issues giving out my phone number. Though on Tinder I don't exchange numbers at all until after the first date since the Tinder app works fine for texting.

 

 

Or should I be pitching a meet, then getting a number, and only texting to confirm the meet and then day of meet to reconfirm?

 

This is what I do. The other way works too though. Do whatever you want.

[muggiwhplar]

Anxiety is common for tinder users, just remember that you downloaded the app to meet new people - - not just to pass time by swiping (unless you did in which case you mostly just need a new hobby)

 

I suggest the whatsapp thing because I made the mistake of not using it, mostly because it never occurred to me that giving out my number might actually be a horrible idea. Turns out it was a horrible idea. I just thought I could save you the headache of also potentially making that mistake

 

Can you elaborate on why that's a bad idea? I've never had any issues giving out my real number >_>

[RpgGamer]

Well, it's no secret I used to go for the crazy type. You probably filter out a lot of the problem matches, but I've had my name,my picture, my number all dragged through social media/Craigslist and such

 

Lets just say I'm not running for office ever haha

[Veiva]

So I went on a Grindr hook-up but it turns out we had a mutual friend so things got awkward and we just hung out and talked.

 

He told me hook ups aren't worth it so I'm most probably going to listen. lol.

[RpgGamer]

I would think having a mutual friend would make it less awkward

[Veiva]

I would think having a mutual friend would make it less awkward

 

Personally I didn't find it that awkward but he did so I'm not going to press the issue. Hook-ups aren't my thing anyway as I found out.

 

So dating is a no-go and hooks-up are a no go. Lol*.

 

*: That's the "shit sucks yo" kind of lol, not the "hahaha so funny" lol.

[Veiva]

I'm just frustrated because people compliment me (I'm so cute / sweet / nice / friendly; I'm such a great person; whatever other bullshit) but I don't see any success as a result of these qualities; ergo they mean nothing. Even the people I dated say those things after saying "sorry this won't work" or before ghosting me.

 

Like seriously what is wrong with me.

 

Similarly it's like when everyone always acts like I'm going to be super successful (If I had a quarter for every time someone said something along the lines of "when you're as rich as bill gates don't forget me" I'd be as [bleep]ing rich as Bill Gates) when I'm below the poverty line and have been for 26 years.

 

Today was a bad day because Windows installed updates overnight and restarted my computer. This shut off my alarm and I was late for class. So I apologize if I'm sounding offputting or confrontational...

[RpgGamer]

Don't let the compliments of others make you think you have to live up to any kind of expectation. They're trying to make you feel good (a nice thing) and are also probably generally nice people. Be happy you've encountered people that aren't human garbage (or at least less)

 

Yeah dating has a lot of rejection and insecurity , but it also means total and complete independence

[muggiwhplar]

I'm just frustrated because people compliment me (I'm so cute / sweet / nice / friendly; I'm such a great person; whatever other bullshit) but I don't see any success as a result of these qualities; ergo they mean nothing. Even the people I dated say those things after saying "sorry this won't work" or before ghosting me.

 

Like seriously what is wrong with me.

Those qualities you listed are nice to have in a long-term partner or a friend but they’re not necessary for a hookup. You need sex appeal for a hookup (and consequently, a relationship).

 

If you’re already getting laid, albeit infrequently, then you can just keep putting in the numbers. Otherwise you have to develop more sex appeal if you want to increase your first date->sex ratio

[Veiva]

 

I'm just frustrated because people compliment me (I'm so cute / sweet / nice / friendly; I'm such a great person; whatever other bullshit) but I don't see any success as a result of these qualities; ergo they mean nothing. Even the people I dated say those things after saying "sorry this won't work" or before ghosting me.

 

Like seriously what is wrong with me.

Those qualities you listed are nice to have in a long-term partner or a friend but they’re not necessary for a hookup. You need sex appeal for a hookup (and consequently, a relationship).

 

If you’re already getting laid, albeit infrequently, then you can just keep putting in the numbers. Otherwise you have to develop more sex appeal if you want to increase your first date->sex ratio

 

I understand.

 

I'd have no problems getting (gay) hook ups if I lowered my standards. (There's 20 average or worse guys for every attractive one on Grindr lol)*. That's not a problem.

 

However I found out I'm not interested in hook ups. There has to be an emotional attachment (even if it's only a few dates in).

 

The excerpt you quoted was concerning long term relationships/dating.

 

*: I made up the numbers but you get the point.

[muggiwhplar]

To be clear, by “hookups,” are you referring to one night stands? Or just any sort of casual sex outside of a relationship?

[Veiva]

To be clear, by “hookups,” are you referring to one night stands? Or just any sort of casual sex outside of a relationship?

 

One night stands.

[obfuscator]

I'd have no problems getting (gay) hook ups if I lowered my standards. (There's 20 average or worse guys for every attractive one on Grindr lol)*.

 

*: I made up the numbers but you get the point.

you may need to re-define your definition of "average" :)

[Veiva]

 

I'd have no problems getting (gay) hook ups if I lowered my standards. (There's 20 average or worse guys for every attractive one on Grindr lol)*.

 

*: I made up the numbers but you get the point.

you may need to re-define your definition of "average" :)

 

Average tends to be: beard, overweight, unkempt, or too old/young. Beards are a big turn off (usually, because most guys don't know how to take care of one so it looks bad). Overweight is a hard no; I took 2 years to lose weight before I even thought about dating, they can do the same. And re: unkempt, I literally messaged one guy back and told him how messy his room was (he messaged me first)... I refuse to date or hook up with anyone under 21, and there's a lot of 40+ guys on there, too, which is a hard no as well.

[RpgGamer]

Scene: many beers into drinking with my girlfriend, and a bunch of my friends and their girlfriends.

 

Girlfriend: I can't believe Z would spend $400 on a bracelet for her. They basically just started dating. I don't even want my engagement ring to be that expensive.

 

Me: I wouldn't spend that much money on something meaningless either

 

:facepalm:

 

(I was talking about the bracelet, but aparently English isn't my first language and so I was thought to have been saying engagement rings are meaningless- obviously being engaged is meaningful)

 

Moral: Mind your tongue boys (and ladies I guess)

 

...havent posted here in a bit. Thought I'd share

[Estonian dude]

Before heading to NZ English wasn't even my second language.

And that Kiwi accent and sayings made for some quite funny misunderstandings.

 

Bloody hell, I think my former classmate (girl, obviously) might like me... Thought so 8 years ago already, but we are pretty different and she seemed way out of my league. After class reunion she paid 10 bucks too much towards the bill while leaving early due to work next morning, and when we met up at a pub with her and a guy friend of hers to settle it (she wanted to bail on the guy, but they had set up the meeting over a week ago) she kept on telling me they aren't together and she is single and kept touching hair and licking lips all the time that guy friend was not around. Are there any more ways a girl can let me know she is into me while in a pub setting or am I thinking too much into it? :D

[obfuscator]

spending lots of money on an engagement ring is stupid

[Bonez899]

Before heading to NZ English wasn't even my second language.

And that Kiwi accent and sayings made for some quite funny misunderstandings.

 

Bloody hell, I think my former classmate (girl, obviously) might like me... Thought so 8 years ago already, but we are pretty different and she seemed way out of my league. After class reunion she paid 10 bucks too much towards the bill while leaving early due to work next morning, and when we met up at a pub with her and a guy friend of hers to settle it (she wanted to bail on the guy, but they had set up the meeting over a week ago) she kept on telling me they aren't together and she is single and kept touching hair and licking lips all the time that guy friend was not around. Are there any more ways a girl can let me know she is into me while in a pub setting or am I thinking too much into it? :D

Just lick her hair and pull her elbow.

 

That's the thing, right?

[Veiva]

So I went on a successful hook-up last night. Sex was good but when I went home I felt really weird--kind of like empty, alone, objectified, and dehumanized. My thought process after was like "The guy seemed cool, he'd easily be a friend, but we just had sex and won't ever see each other again." The whole experience just left a bad aftertaste in my mouth. So I deleted Grindr and went on my way.

[muggiwhplar]

If you enjoyed their company, before you leave you can say something like, “Hey I enjoyed your company. If you want to hook up or hang out again, I’m down. But if you just wanted a one night stand, I understand, and that’s cool too. Anyway here’s my contact info, feel free to message me if you want, I’m down to meet up again if you’re interested too. Otherwise, thanks for the good time”

[Veiva]

I basically did what you said muggiwhplar (more to the point) but he blocked me on Grindr before I even pulled out of the driveway. Apparently that's usual according to my friends who have used Grindr extensively. FWB is uncommon from that app.

[RpgGamer]

What a weird culture