Krazyck Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 This is the true story of the death of a noob. Everyone hates them; they beg, they whine, they annoy. You feel slightly sorry for them, because hey, we've all been there, but you look past those feelings since, unlike you, they haven't learned yet. And we need to teach them a lesson. It was a fine and glorious day cutting yews in the corner of Edgeville. I was going merrily about my own way retrieving chunks of timber and depositing them in the local bank's storage room. Feeling good about my growing wood, (insert joke here) I observed one of the most common daily occurrence in the world of Runescape. "Give me some of your hard earned money for no reason other than that I am too lazy to get it myself, and for some reason I believe I am entitled to an easier time playing this game than everyone else!" (Translation) "plz giv free money,im poor i need" "plz" Yes, we have all seen it. It happens all around us, and if you are rich looking enough, it happens to you! Now, this wasnt being asked of me, I was simply observing, but finally his attention was turned to me after being rejected by the other person present. Keep in mind, however, that he was cutting yews with us while he begged. I decided, after a barrage of "plz" and "noob" sometimes ironically in the same sentence, to do something about it. I had been formulating this plan for a while now, and had finally put all the pieces together for the perfect trap. This kid was annoying, and he was going to pay. The other person was trying to explain how skills were the path to success in Runescape. This lead to Nermal (he needed a name, and yes as in the Nermal from Garfield) inquiring as to how he might obtain level 99 Woodcutting so he could get rich. He wanted it quick, and he wanted it fast. After I explained the amount of effort involved in obtaining 99 in anything, he dismissed it and asked again for free cash. Oh Nermal. You just never learn. I changed gears and dropped down to his level. I explained to him, there is one way you could get 99 Woodcutting and get it fast. However, the secret to this method was well guarded and could not be passed unto just anyone. If the masses knew about this technique, chaos would ensue and destruction would be left in its wake. However, he could be one of the Enlightened few, chosen to guard this secret of secrets, if he had it in him... for the mere fee of 5,000 gold coins! At first, he agreed to receive the pearls of wisdom I had to give him, but on the condition that he would pay me afterwards. This was not going to fly with me, and I informed him as such. He attempted to bargain with me, saying that he was so poor that 1,000 gold coins were all he could afford to spare for the divine truth. Unfortunately, he was shut down quickly, as I reminded him that such information was near priceless, and that I would not budge on my price. After some deliberation, he agreed hesitantly to pay the fee. That could have been the end of the story. I could have laughed in his face, called him a noob, and ended it there. However, I set out to teach him a lesson, not to steal chump change from a chump. I intended to keep my promise. He began frantically asking me to keep my end of the bargain, as he did not want to seem a fool for having given 5000 gold coins to a scammer. I began, much to his relief, to explain what I knew. I told him that the only way he could achieve his wish was to conquer Death itself. Doing this of course, was not an easy task, and it was something that only the wisest of the wise in the lands of Runescape knew about. In conquering Death, He would be permitted to speak with Death himself, and execute the sacred rite of the Soul Exchange. He would have the chance to sell his soul for his one true wish. In doing so, he would be subjected to the same fate as I, and that was to have his soul reaped by the Reaper. When this ritual was performed, the Soulless one forfeits his life to Death, and has his Hitpoints level reduced to 9 permanently, as punishment for this unholy trade. I declared my own Hitpoints level, which happens to be 9 using the quickchat feature, offering proof of this deed. Nermal accepted this without question. On top of defaulting your Hitpoints level to Death, you would be given the tool of the Reaper, the Scythe. This was to prove that you have forsaken yourself and submitted to the will of Death. The Scythe that I had in my possession was proof of this. Having fully explained all of the negatives, Nermal wanted to know what to say to Death. I simply told him that he would have to say what was in his heart, and that I could not be the one to say it for him. He agreed and asked the final question. How do I conquer Death? How could I summon the ultimate icon of fear, the Reaper himself? I will explain it to you Nermal, on one condition. You swear to secrecy. This information has been passed down from generation to generation of the sages, and only bestowed upon those who truly deserve to know. I put myself at great risk telling you this, but I believe you to be trustworthy, and a true adventurer. Do you swear to never tell another soul about this information? "yeah!" So be it. The secret technique, guarded by the sages to surpass the level of mere mortal and attain supreme mastery of the Self and Death, is...! Death. You must Die. And not only must you die, you must die One Thousand times over, to prove to yourself and the Gods that you have full mastery over Death. If you manage to complete the sacred rite, Death himself will appear before you and all that I have said will become your reality. It will not be easy, and you will face much hardship. However, I believe you to be strong of will, and I believe that you will have what it takes to complete this quest! I cannot speak to you ever again after this, as it must never be known that it was I who gave to you this information, so you will be alone on your journey. You must be brave, and you must never give up! Now off! Off with you my friend! And off he went. 1543 Skill total, 100% F2P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FooK-A-Ji Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Thats not a true story :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Lmao! :lol: Really entertaining story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
999134 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 obviously not true but very funny :) Check it out, huge amount of effort has gone into this massive mod![hide=old sig][/hide] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmnp Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 great story, superb writer =D> i was 9 hp once, regretted leveling it for a long time, but id rather have 99 than 9 : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Returned3 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Where do I sign to sell my soul? 00:00:0500:00:0400:00:0300:00:0200:00:0100:00:00 Break the Walls down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naive Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Nice story :) Requiescat in pace, Shiva "Anarith" Kumar.351 Quest Points|99 Strength|99 Attack|99 Constitution|99 Defence|99 Magic|138 Combat|99 Summoning|99 Slayer|99 Ranged|99 Firemaking|99 Dungeoneering|99 Cooking|99 Prayer|99 Runecrafting|99 Smithing|99 Fletching|99 Construction|99 Farming|99 Fishing|99 Herblore|99 Crafting|99 AgilityTrue friends are never separated by distance, for they are forever linked by their hearts.Join the HYT CLAN![qfc]90-91-310-65710712[/qfc] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Everyonedies Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 interesting story never happened im sure but still interesting. http://www.clanhavok.net/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resonae Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 AMG LIEZ I DO THIS AND NOTHING HAPPEN LIEK OMGWTF U NUB STOP LYING ON THESE FORUMS ONLY TROLLS IS ALLOW TO LIE!!@@@@@ Nice story, what do we discuss? The story or the characters? MR. OCTOPUS BEARD DISAGREES! No, THAT's what she said. Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Read below.Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Read above. [hide=OMG DRAGON KITESHIELD IN-GAME!!!!] Never gonna give you up...[/hide]I cant use a chair, evidence that Lucien's men are sitting on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphi Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Why wouldn't you give me money? I've died 952 times, this had better work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jard_Y_Dooku Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 This is the true story of the death of a noob. Everyone hates them; they beg, they whine, they annoy. You feel slightly sorry for them, because hey, we've all been there, but you look past those feelings since, unlike you, they haven't learned yet. And we need to teach them a lesson. 1. I don't hate noobs 2. Not all of them beg, whine or annoy 3. No we don't need to teach them a lesson just because they're new (if they're being rude then yes) Asides from that, good story. Never trust anyone. You are always alone, and betrayal is inevitable.Nothing is safe from the jaws of the decompiler. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krazyck Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 Haha all these people saying its not a true story :P It is a true story, in the sense that it actually happened. I actually was in Edgeville chopping yews, and I really did convince someone that all of this was true, and he actually went off to go kill himself over and over again. Obviously, what I said is not true, but I would have thought that would be implied. I wrote it up because I thought it was funny enough to be worth sharing with you guys. Also, I suppose I should clarify, I don't hate newbs. People who are new to the game are perfectly fine with me. Newbs and Noobs are two different things, and while I never use the word Noob ingame ever, I figured people would understand what I meant here. 1543 Skill total, 100% F2P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strilmus Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 What irritates me to no end is that the two words are almost the same. Aside from that, this is a perfect example of the only acceptable way to celebrate tomorrow without any long term consquences aside from unforseen revenge attempts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atom Smash40 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 hilarious.......gullible children ~ 3,072nd to 99 Mining on August 30th, 2009 ~~ 112,084th to 99 Magic on April 16th, 2011 ~~ 131,681st to 99 Crafting on March 29, 2019 ~~ 178,385th to 99 Prayer on April 2, 2019 ~~ 234,921st to 99 Defence on May 9, 2019 ~~ 173,480th to 99 Herblore on June 21, 2019 ~~ 155,160th to 99 Smithing on July 16, 2019 ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unorclan Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Very enertaining and humorous story! : I really enjoyed it, very creative. :lol: Thanks to the amazing talent of Jopie211 for the sig!Finest Fist of Guthix Strategy Guide Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imcleith Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 It worked for me \ . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunterowner Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Have you ever thought of becoming a writer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No_99_Melee Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 DOOD HAO U GET 9 HP + SCYTHE U RLLY DIE OVER 999 TIMES?@?!?!?! Dats crazy bro seriously dawg now can i haz 5k plz noob? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D0rkZ0r Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I hate people like that, they don't understand how hard some people work. But that was a proper prank you pulled on him, haha. =D> 99 Fishing achieved August 12, 2009 at 7:56PM CT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salad Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Extremely funny, I liked it :D Moar pl0x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dalcyte Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Little mean, coulda just let him go and ignored him lol...but funny story. Good stuff :lol: if someone actually said to me: "Give me some of your hard earned money for no reason other than that I am too lazy to get it myself, and for some reason I believe I am entitled to an easier time playing this game than everyone else!" I would probably actually give them money lol Click for mah Blog!- I'm not sure why you would though because i never update it Achieved 99 Thieving 3/10/07-992nd to it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strilmus Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I believe the one who holds that kind of acclaim is Lord Perrythistle the 3rd, gentleman beggar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaaps1 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 dammit u scammer i did dat and i didnt get anything my main can own u noob hes level 325809 yh lol thats one level for each time i can own u!!!!! But that's a really funny story you got there :lol: Little mean, coulda just let him go and ignored him lol...but funny story. Good stuff if someone actually said to me: "Give me some of your hard earned money for no reason other than that I am too lazy to get it myself, and for some reason I believe I am entitled to an easier time playing this game than everyone else!" I would probably actually give them money lol Hmm, I thinking I might wanna try that on my noob account to a few guys at the GE :lol: ~It's Super Effective! (The Zaaps Blog)~My YouTube Channel, where you get to watch me go around and make a fool out of myself and all comp capersGuides:~Yeah I wrote them once~Suggestions:~Yeah I made those once~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Halo Chief Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 1. I don't hate noobs 2. Not all of them beg, whine or annoy 3. No we don't need to teach them a lesson just because they're new (if they're being rude then yes) 1: :evil: im disappointed in u 2: lol, gee really? everyone ive seen begs, whines, AND annoys. 3: lol, he didn't, he was being annoying and begging, justifiying his (hilarious) actions. P.S. thnx for 99 wc! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obtaurian Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I lol'd. Brilliant. I'm going to have use a similar approach the next time I'm... approached. To put it bluntly, [bleep] off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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