Changing Ourselves

[Skill_Caster]

Wow, it's been a while since I've made a topic...even though I lurk here pretty much every day. Anyways, perhaps me, and by the looks of the "This Summer..." topic, a few other Tip.It'ers, are planning to 'change' over the summer. Something that's been stumping me...is...how? Obviously, the physical part of it, just get out and exercise yourself to death, and bam, you suddenly reappear with a hot body and a 6-pack. But...how can you change your personality? I want to shed my dork-y geeky skin and slip into some cool figure as much as the next guy...but what personality traits do you change? What new hobbies, etc., are considered so 'cool'? For those that are planning to, how are you going to change during the summer?

 

 

 

Just thought it'd make for some interesting discussion.

 

-Skill.

[das]

although i wouldnt mind a six pack, I would never change my hobbies for no one.

 

 

 

 

 

Be yourself, be true to yourself and be who you are and you will be a shining star.

[i_love_burritos]

Besides what Das said, I think it is very hard to change your personality. The good aspects everyone wants to keep, but what about the bad ones?

 

 

 

In my mind these personality traits are nothing but accumulated habits. Me for one, I'm lazy - so I'm trying to change that. Also, I have a quick temper for the smallest of things. So its very hard to change those things. I don't know how to change them though. I believe thats where most people get stuck.

[walka92]

although i wouldnt mind a six pack, I would never change my hobbies for no one.

 

 

 

 

 

Be yourself, be true to yourself and be who you are and you will be a shining star.

 

as noble as being yourself might be, it really doesnt quite work that way anymore (did it ever? i dont know)

 

im "myself" every day, and i still end up with half the people i know hating me, im still unpopular and all that.

 

 

 

the best trait to be "cool" is to be confident, from what ive seen. and a good sence of humor. one i have and one i lack.

 

 

 

OP -work on both of those, and it might help.

 

 

 

its not "being yourself" that makes you popular

[Lenin64]

You wear sunglasses. No, really, I know a guy that came back from Christmas ([bleep] you, holiday) break with a pair of shades and a new 'tude. Don't know which came first, though.

 

 

 

I know for me that, since I now have an officer billet, I've started trying to hang out in the ROTC areas before/after school more often. I kind of have to force myself; I know everyone there, and they're all mostly fairly decent, but I still feel odd about it. I'm making an effort, though.

[Kenshinjapan]

I believe that wanting to change your image is more of an immaturity issue. I did that when I was around 12-13 and it made my life miserable. My advice, be yourself and be happy for who you are :thumbup: .

[thestig0]

Purposely changing your personality isn't entirely possible. Your current personality is based upon primary socialisation, what you picked up from your parents. If your personality is going to change, it will be natural behaviour picked up from your peers which probably won't purposely happen.

 

 

 

Time takes it's toll on all things, I can guarantee your personality won't be exactly like it is now in 50 years time, so just be patient.

[indy500fan]

A few have said changing yourself to become cool isn't being yourself, and I would say that is wrong. You have made the choice to change so if you don't change you aren't being your self. Anyways, do what makes you happy. If you change and are now cool and that makes you happy, good for you. If you change and you are not happy, well it's probably not hard to change back.

[das]

 

as noble as being yourself might be, it really doesnt quite work that way anymore (did it ever? i dont know)

 

im "myself" every day, and i still end up with half the people i know hating me, im still unpopular and all that.

 

 

 

 

I'm a 22 year old male. I enjoy Video Games, Collecting Autographs, sports cards and ACTION FIGURES. I have no problem making friends or ladyfriends in college.

 

 

 

Highschool sucks, I took alot of [cabbage] in highschool for my interests but I stayed true to the friends I have and used some advice that still sticks true to this day "who cares what other people think".

 

 

 

The times are a changing, your top movies this summer? Star Trek, Watchmen, Wolverine, Transformers, Gi Joe. Thats stuff I got made fun of for liking in school growing up.

 

 

 

 

 

You can change your personality. I did once, I regret it.

[MC_Kejml]

 

as noble as being yourself might be, it really doesnt quite work that way anymore (did it ever? i dont know)

 

im "myself" every day, and i still end up with half the people i know hating me, im still unpopular and all that.

 

 

 

 

I'm a 22 year old male. I enjoy Video Games, Collecting Autographs, sports cards and ACTION FIGURES. I have no problem making friends or ladyfriends in college.

 

 

 

Highschool sucks, I took alot of [cabbage] in highschool for my interests but I stayed true to the friends I have and used some advice that still sticks true to this day "who cares what other people think".

 

 

 

The times are a changing, your top movies this summer? Star Trek, Watchmen, Wolverine, Transformers, Gi Joe. Thats stuff I got made fun of for liking in school growing up.

 

 

 

 

 

You can change your personality. I did once, I regret it.

 

 

 

I like your attitude. It is best to stay to your interests, friends and habits + socially appear confident, calm, cool, and collected. I do that too and I have to second Das´s opinions with mine.

[dusqi]

I think that there's scope for trying new things, because I don't think that many people have a good idea of their own personality. You might find that you try... archery, or fencing, or martial arts, or swimming, or something... and that you really enjoy it. But if you go into it with the mindset that you're only doing it to be cool, then you'll never enjoy it.

[GordanFreeman]

These past few years of highschool, I've told myself that I somehow wanted to change myself, so that I could make more friends, maybe even get a steady relationship going with a girl. So, I tried many different things, but none of them seemed to work, because all I was doing was trying to change my outside image, my interests, and that wasn't going to work. I finally figured out, that all I needed was more confidence in myself and what I do, how I look. While I'm still working on it, my life has improved dramatically since I came to that realization. When you have confidence, and aren't afraid to be yourself around strangers, you'll find that it doesn't matter what you do or how you act, more people will begin to see the good side of you. As for the people that just seem to dislike you, no matter what...who cares? They're probably not people you'd enjoy hanging around with anyways. Just respect them, that's really all you can do.

[Hedgehog]

1. Have a bad life

 

2. Want to move elsewhere to get a better start

 

3. Have everyone hate you there

 

4. Make up an altar ego

 

5. Fall in love

 

6. Have your life come crashing down as the love of your life finds out you're just a lie

 

7. Disappear for 8-10 years

 

Do you get my point and my reference?

[rangeor]

Changing your personality is going a bit too far. But this summer I'm going to try to get a more quick and witty sense of humor, like my cousins have. It shouldn't be too difficult, since it should run in our blood :P

[MC_Kejml]

1. Have a bad life

 

2. Want to move elsewhere to get a better start

 

3. Have everyone hate you there

 

4. Make up an altar ego

 

5. Fall in love

 

6. Have your life come crashing down as the love of your life finds out you're just a lie

 

7. Disappear for 8-10 years

 

Do you get my point and my reference?

 

 

 

Yes. I´d love to find a girl with which I wouldn´t have to be hypocritical :(

 

Was that it?

[Skill_Caster]

I didn't mean that by changing the personality. I meant like, becoming more confident, learning new skills (humor, athletics) etc.

[MC_Kejml]

I didn't mean that by changing the personality. I meant like, becoming more confident, learning new skills (humor, athletics) etc.

 

Yep. As many ppl here said, changing personality is pretty much impossible.

 

Last summer I undergone a mass improvement in confidence, so I say it is possible ;)

[Zierro]

Highschool sucks, I took alot of [cabbage] in highschool for my interests but I stayed true to the friends I have and used some advice that still sticks true to this day "who cares what other people think".

 

 

 

So true. Unfortunately, the only way to survive high school is to be a [puncture]. It's either that or get walked on. I learned the hard way.

 

 

 

As for the topic's question, I've learned that discipline and willpower is really the only way to change your mentality about something. I used to be really depressed until I told myself, "This sucks. I'm not gonna be depressed anymore. This isn't the way I want to live." I'm still a pessimist but at least I enjoy life now. :)

[Star_Fox]

although i wouldnt mind a six pack, I would never change my hobbies for no one.

 

 

 

 

 

Be yourself, be true to yourself and be who you are and you will be a shining star.

 

 

 

 

 

i agree with everything you said.

 

 

 

except for the shining star.

[Da_Latios]

The answer lies within the question. You do not change your personality. Merely, you get rid of the one you are hiding behind. A beetle wearing the shell of a snail is easily caught out. Such is a nerd wearing the skin of a chav.

 

When the beetle emerges from the snail's shell, he can then fly, for many things are limited to him when not in his own shell.

[Bufoman]

Many interesting takes on the subject have been presented. Speaking for myself, the biggest improvements I want to acquire in personality are Self- Confidence and a can do attitude. The lack of these two things has cost me during most of my 23 years on this world.

 

 

 

So, Skill Caster, I recommend you focus on these things, or, more to the point, ask yourself what you want to change, and then evaluate the best way to go about it. Perhaps if you shared with us what these traits are, we could help you find way's of improving yourself. During High School, I was an lonely, antisocial pessimist lacking any form of self confidence, constantly worried about how my voice sounded. Well, fast forward 4 years later, and I am still a pastimes, I still worry about my voice, however I am allot more friendly and outgoing. As a result, I have made a friend.

[RichieMcD]

I don't want to change my lifestyle at all, I love it.

 

 

 

Wouldn't mind being funnier, but you can't really change that, you're either funny or not. Physically, bulking up and from now on don't really give a [cabbage] about being called "gay" if it makes me look good, I know I'm straight so I don't give a [cabbage] for other's opinions about my sexuality :lol:

[Giordano]

I know what you mean...I got this feeling that nobody ever listens to me, don't care about me...particularly probably cuz I'm quiet and say something to stop the millionth gay sex joke in-a-row from happening.

 

 

 

And its my fault really. Everybody moved forward all of a sudden long after I told 'em to stop being shy immature idiots and left me in the dust. I suppose if I get to be more "fun" with them it would fix things. And not just with them, with everyone.

[Powman3]

I think changing your personality comes with time; you can't really change it willingly.

 

 

 

Although, you can promise you can stop getting angry so much or something along those lines that concerns emotions, but even that takes a while.

[Tim_Finch]

When I said that I wanted to change myself, I was referring mainly to my social skills. I know my personality, and those close to me that know my personality will know that I'm generally a fun and great guy. The problem is, I lack many social skills to bring myself out. During this past school year I was very quiet and low key. Like many people have already said here, confidence is the key; I need to be more outgoing, accept more social invites, go do things with more people, etc. Even smaller social problems hold back my personality. I need to learn to initiate more conversations, maintain a conversation, be more talkative, and develop good conversation skills.

 

 

 

The result of all this is that I've almost become a hermit in my home, whenever I'm not in school. I'm not sure I've interacted with my friends any more than a few times outside of school actually, and the more I keep to myself like this, the more invisible I feel I become. I've actually become depressed toward the end of the school year, realizing that if I continue this way I may miss the entire high school experience. I can't count how many times I regret missing opportunities due to this.

 

 

 

Back to the topic at hand, I believe building confidence is the key to changing myself. To make myself a completely different person to other people doesn't involve changing my personality at all, it involves bringing it out. How to build more confidence is what I'm trying to work out now. One important thing for me to do is to initiate things, be it conversations, social events, or something bigger. I also need to accept any social invites. Before I always seemed to try to find some reason to avoid going out, even though deep down I knew that I had nothing else to do, and no reason stay home. I'm actually disgusted with myself looking back at how I handled these things.

 

 

 

The main reason I'm like this is pretty much fear. Fear of various things that could go wrong, various ways I could end up humiliating myself, and always considering and focusing on the worst case scenario of any situation. I'd always assume that the worst would go wrong and I would humiliate myself, somehow. For God's sake, going out and having a good time shouldn't involve fear and anxiety! Look at everyone else, going out and being social is so casual and easy for them, while I might worry about screwing up a simple conversation, and wishing it would end. I need to build some damn confidence, and I took me until now to realize it.

 

 

 

To sum it up- Problem: social skills; Solution: confidence

 

I'm making progress.