"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[obfuscator]

 

 

Again, like i said, that's a bit drastic.

Which is why I said you should physically leave the building and go home if you are around your gf and her friends when they are high. If you were in America I would tell you to calm down and get over it, but according to you getting caught smoking in your country is extremely dangerous which is why I give this advice.

 

 

 

You have to remember that break up is the advice given for every situation in this thread.

 

"Hey TIF I have this problem with the person or situation regarding the person I'm dating, what should I do to fix it. Oh yeah did I mention I really don't like the situation I'm in and its not going to change in the forseeable future."

 

Pretty much the main reason why half the advice given is break up and move on.

Exactly this. People with healthy relationships have no need to post in this thread asking for advice.

[The_Gabe]

 

 

Again, like i said, that's a bit drastic.

Which is why I said you should physically leave the building and go home if you are around your gf and her friends when they are high. If you were in America I would tell you to calm down and get over it, but according to you getting caught smoking in your country is extremely dangerous which is why I give this advice.

 

 

You have to remember that break up is the advice given for every situation in this thread.

"Hey TIF I have this problem with the person or situation regarding the person I'm dating, what should I do to fix it. Oh yeah did I mention I really don't like the situation I'm in and its not going to change in the forseeable future."

 

Pretty much the main reason why half the advice given is break up and move on.

Exactly this. People with healthy relationships have no need to post in this thread asking for advice.

 

Ha but when I posted in this thread as an update a few months back and wasn't seeking any advice i was still told I should break up >_>

[Ginger_Warrior]

There's a logical jump between "There's something wrong in this relationship" and "The only solution is to the leave the relationship".

[muggiwhplar]

 

 

 

Again, like i said, that's a bit drastic.

Which is why I said you should physically leave the building and go home if you are around your gf and her friends when they are high. If you were in America I would tell you to calm down and get over it, but according to you getting caught smoking in your country is extremely dangerous which is why I give this advice.

 

 

You have to remember that break up is the advice given for every situation in this thread.

"Hey TIF I have this problem with the person or situation regarding the person I'm dating, what should I do to fix it. Oh yeah did I mention I really don't like the situation I'm in and its not going to change in the forseeable future."

 

Pretty much the main reason why half the advice given is break up and move on.

Exactly this. People with healthy relationships have no need to post in this thread asking for advice.

 

Ha but when I posted in this thread as an update a few months back and wasn't seeking any advice i was still told I should break up >_>

 

 

I understand you feel that everyone in this thread is being hostile/unsupportive/insensitive towards you and your relationship... But I don't think anybody here thinks you're doing anything wrong. This is your first relationship IIRC so even if it's a traditional monogamous one, that's fine since you're getting experience and learning the ropes.

 

Relatively sure the only advice that has been given to you (even though you probably never asked for it), is to not expect this relationship to last for the rest of your life; or at least, don't expect the current state of the relationship to last that way forever. And don't go making big long-term decisions with your relationship status clouding your judgment.

[obfuscator]

There's a logical jump between "There's something wrong in this relationship" and "The only solution is to the leave the relationship".

Of course, but people aren't posting on this thread saying: "my so didn't call me today, I'm mad", they're saying things like "my so has a drug habit, or my so is cheating on me, etc...". The things people mention on here (when in existing relationships" are usually serious enough that breaking is a somewhat realistic option.

[nine naked men]

but seriously guys snapchat may have fundamentally altered the way relationships work from now on

 

i know that if i don't get at least 15 snapchats a day of dumb shit from my so, we're done as a couple, that's some serious severing type shit

[Ginger_Warrior]

 

There's a logical jump between "There's something wrong in this relationship" and "The only solution is to the leave the relationship".

Of course, but people aren't posting on this thread saying: "my so didn't call me today, I'm mad", they're saying things like "my so has a drug habit, or my so is cheating on me, etc...". The things people mention on here (when in existing relationships" are usually serious enough that breaking is a somewhat realistic option.

 

The simplest solution is often the correct one, agreed. I'm just a bit cautious about not cutting off the nose to spite the face, if that makes sense.

[RpgGamer]

 

 

Again, like i said, that's a bit drastic.

Which is why I said you should physically leave the building and go home if you are around your gf and her friends when they are high. If you were in America I would tell you to calm down and get over it, but according to you getting caught smoking in your country is extremely dangerous which is why I give this advice.

 

 

You have to remember that break up is the advice given for every situation in this thread.

"Hey TIF I have this problem with the person or situation regarding the person I'm dating, what should I do to fix it. Oh yeah did I mention I really don't like the situation I'm in and its not going to change in the forseeable future."

 

Pretty much the main reason why half the advice given is break up and move on.

Exactly this. People with healthy relationships have no need to post in this thread asking for advice.

 

 

I whole heartedly fundamentally on an atomic level disagree with this conjecture.

 

It would be unhealthy to:

• not notice an issue
• not address an issue when noticed
• ignore problems
• add to the problems
• continue to be a parasite or be used and abused
• NOT ASK FOR HELP

Anyone who seeks advice does not mean they are in an unhealthy relationship. If anything, it means they're well adjusted to recognize a problem and resourceful enough to ask for help. Whether coming here is their best option or not is a simple matter of circumstance. Coming here for advice does not mean your relationship is unhealthy, it just needs maintenance. Plenty of healthy couples go to therapy to ensure their relationship is as functional as possible. While you could see this as "taking medicine even after the flu has ceased" ; it's a good way to know where you stand. 

 

Validation is not a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Maybe needing it constantly could be considered unhealthy, but having a little input on things here and there is what keeps relationships on the right path. 

 

Otherwise this thread could just be retitled "I want to lose my girlfriend....and other advice that will lead me to be single"

[obfuscator]

 

 

There's a logical jump between "There's something wrong in this relationship" and "The only solution is to the leave the relationship".

Of course, but people aren't posting on this thread saying: "my so didn't call me today, I'm mad", they're saying things like "my so has a drug habit, or my so is cheating on me, etc...". The things people mention on here (when in existing relationships" are usually serious enough that breaking is a somewhat realistic option.

 

The simplest solution is often the correct one, agreed. I'm just a bit cautious about not cutting off the nose to spite the face, if that makes sense.

 

Of course. But I don't think I've ever told anyone to break up without that being at very least a reasonable solution given the circumstance.

[Noxx]

What this thread is doing is teaching your people how to run away from their problems and not deal with it head on like an adult. So what if you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need advice about it. So-[bleep]ing-what? You know what i say, don't break up with her. Sit down with her and talk about it. Found out why things are going bad. Save yourself from making the same mistake, with different girls, every time you enter a relationship.

That is the one thing i have always disliked about this thread. You all want to come across as logical, rational, mature thinkers. But not many of you act like it. Ginger, although sometimes hostile, seems to be the only one that does this. Please, just stop with your "break up with her" bullshit, because you're not doing anyone a favor. All you're doing is prolonging the existing problem, which WILL cause more "drama" (as people here so LOVE to call it) for this person in the future.

 

What people here need to realize is that we're not all [wagon], nor do we want to be. We're not all cut out to [bleep] a 100 different girls. Some of us want to stick to one girl, some of us prefer it, some of us find it much simpler. And i don't care about your articles, research, and graphs trying to prove me wrong. Because i'm not a statistic. I'm an actual person, with actual thoughts and ideas, and i don't need a paper telling me what i SHOULD be doing or how i SHOULD be reacting just because most other guys out there do that. People differ in their beliefs, their morals, and their upbringing.

 

Breaking up should never just be a "reasonable option", it should be the last option. Face the [bleep]ing problem, don't be an ostrich. And don't encourage people to be one either. You're not doing anyone any favors.

 

/End rant.

[nine naked men]

*the sound of 100 nerds furiously typing "looks like you just preoved my point... heh" at once*

[muggiwhplar]

As a disclaimer, I'm writing this for the random people who view this thread since I can almost guarantee that Noxx doesn't want to hear any of it :P Just quoting Noxx to prove my point. This is for Langzor too, but strictly for irony purposes.

 

What this thread is doing is teaching your people how to run away from their problems and not deal with it head on like an adult.

Avoiding your problems is a valid and optimal solution in some instances. For example, if there are people in your life that are making you unhappy, it's perfectly reasonable to minimize your time spent with them such that you can remain happy.

 

So what if you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need advice about it. So-[bleep]ing-what?

If you're in an unhealthy relationship, that's bad. If you're mature enough to recognize that your relationship is bad, and you're seeking advice, that's good.

 

You know what i say, don't break up with her. Sit down with her and talk about it. Found out why things are going bad. Save yourself from making the same mistake, with different girls, every time you enter a relationship.

That is the one thing i have always disliked about this thread. You all want to come across as logical, rational, mature thinkers. But not many of you act like it. Ginger, although sometimes hostile, seems to be the only one that does this. Please, just stop with your "break up with her" bullshit, because you're not doing anyone a favor. All you're doing is prolonging the existing problem, which WILL cause more "drama" (as people here so LOVE to call it) for this person in the future.

The way I see it is, as obfuscator pointed out, the people posting about their existing relationship problems here are usually asking for advice on very serious issues. And when a relationship has serious issues like that, it's usually time to terminate the relationship. I'm pretty sure we've been pretty good about saying "break up because..." and identifying the core problem to prevent future problems from happening.

 

You're assuming that, if a relationship with a "mild" problem ever comes along, we're going to immediately freak out and suggest a breakup without any explanation why. That's not the case, and I don't think that's ever happened either. If you think this is untrue, feel free to start posting evidence of our kneejerk advice.

 

As far as coming across as logical goes, to date, out of all the people whom I've had these discussions with-- both in RL and in threads like these, there's only been ONE person who has made me reevaluate certain aspects of my beliefs, and appreciate certain aspects of the contrary, even though my overall stance remains unchanged. And that person did that via logic, rationality, and maturity; so I respect/appreciate them a lot for that.

 

Though I also understand that logic just doesn't compute with some people. They only understand things emotionally and can only see things in the short-term. So in those cases, they're better off turning to others for advice-- and hopefully receiving valid advice as a result.

 

If people want to fly into hysterics at every opportunity when their feelings get hurt or something pisses them off and post irrationally, that's fine with me, as long as at the end of the day, they're still legitimately helping people and improving their lives. Though I don't think it's merely a coincidence that the same posters who have irrational tendencies are also the same posters who have the most problems in their lives.

 

What people here need to realize is that we're not all [wagon], nor do we want to be. We're not all cut out to [bleep] a 100 different girls. Some of us want to stick to one girl, some of us prefer it, some of us find it much simpler.

Like I said before, everybody CAN [bleep] 100 different girls if they choose to, but almost everybody WON'T. They won't for various reasons, such as genuine disinterest (good), or limiting beliefs/fear (bad). But once again I think you're attacking an enemy in this thread which doesn't exist anywhere but in your own head.

 

And i don't care about your articles, research, and graphs trying to prove me wrong. Because i'm not a statistic. I'm an actual person, with actual thoughts and ideas, and i don't need a paper telling me what i SHOULD be doing or how i SHOULD be reacting just because most other guys out there do that. People differ in their beliefs, their morals, and their upbringing.

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps your blatant disregard for rationality is the reason why you're so consistently unhappy and why your life is so full of drama?

 

I know you think you're special and that you can somehow beat the system. But guess what: EVERYBODY thinks they're special. And those facts and figures are based on people like you who think they're special, and then end up miserable because they aren't actually special.

 

Breaking up should never just be a "reasonable option", it should be the last option.

Those two qualities aren't mutually exclusive.

 

Face the [bleep]ing problem, don't be an ostrich. And don't encourage people to be one either. You're not doing anyone any favors.

 

/End rant.

Once again I don't think anybody is disagreeing with you here.

[obfuscator]

Agreed wholeheartedly with what muggi said. And just an FYI to noxx, I'm completely pro-monogamy (opposite of muggi).

 

But sometimes it's not being able to break up with someone that's running away from your problems, not vice versa. Just staying and suffering with someone who is making you unhappy is often not at all mature.

[RpgGamer]

Well that i can agree with obfuscation haha

[Ginger_Warrior]

I can think we can all universally agree with that one.

 

Most of the time, people just need someone to clarify their situation, think of all the options available and work out which of those is the best one. If the conclusion of that process is them deciding "You know what, I think it's easier to leave the relationship", so be it. But you have to let people arrive at their own solution without leading them down a certain path.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I don't think I really disagree with anything you've said there. Not sure why your tone seems to be so... offended.

[RpgGamer]

I've got something to shove down you're throat ;)

[muggiwhplar]

>_>

[Mylez]

<_<

[Saradomin_Mage]

your

[The_Gabe]

 

I can think we can all universally agree with that one.

 

Most of the time, people just need someone to clarify their situation, think of all the options available and work out which of those is the best one. If the conclusion of that process is them deciding "You know what, I think it's easier to leave the relationship", so be it. But you have to let people arrive at their own solution without leading them down a certain path.

 

I dont think anyone really had it shoved down their throat.

 

Maybe The_Gabe with his ldr thing but I do remember saying that breaking-up isn't necessary if your still happy but to think about that advice and act on it if your not with the situation anymore.

I have personally known many guys who are in that situation and regret it hardcore when the ldr begins to fail and then get mad at everyone around them for not telling them this stuff which is why I go out of my way to say that breaking up is an option

 

 

 

 

And honestly before anyone gets mad at me for being one of the biggest posters for #teambreakup I do try and filter my posts with "what would dr drew say" and for most of these situations regarding people in their early 20's who aren't married or have kids that are having big problems that they do not like on a daily basis they get a very quick "its time to break up" usually followed by seek some therapy if they think its okay to put up with some rather bad stuff (such as abuse).

 

 

The thing is, I've been an outsider viewing in on other's relationships for a long time. I use that experience to my advantage not to make the mistakes others have made.  

[Low Levelled]

I don't think you realize how fluid relationships really are.

[RpgGamer]

Im using emojipedia to translate messages this girl is sending me. Shes either real smug or real flirty. God I hope this trend dies.

[Tim]

My theory is if you have time to sift through pages of emotions to type, you have time to type like a bloody normal person.

 

Then again when it comes to gay flirting it's as straightforward as saying:

 

[spoiler=rood.]"Use Dick -> Butt"

 

[Boris5000]

Im using emojipedia to translate messages this girl is sending me. Shes either real smug or real flirty. God I hope this trend dies.

What's this emojipedia "trend" you speak of? And is this equivalent to the MSN smiley central plague of 2004?