Ignoring works... they say.

[Gehackte]

Hi guys,

 

 

 

I've been teased, well more bullied, alot at school and my parents always say: "ignore them, eventually they'll stop" or "Go to your tutor and let him talk to them". And i think why still saying that b*llsh*t, because it won't work. I've talked with my tutor like 20 times. I've ignored many times. 1 time when I was ignoring some of those people from my class I became so angry. I can't ignore people if they are sitting like almost next to me talking crap and stuff about me. It was horrible, but i want to know your thoughts about this.

 

 

 

~Gehackte

[BloodWarrior6]

Ignoring them always works for me, it may take a while so just try and block it out or listen to music or something. Just stick it out and you'll be fine. Also, if talking to your tutor doesnt work then take it straight to your headmaster and keep [bleep]ing at him tell somethings done.

[TheChamp]

dude just kick their butt and scream like t-rex

[urbestfreind]

Ignoring does work, but you have to be completely committed to doing it. You can't allow one lapse or else the bullies will leap on it like a hungry lion on a crippled zebra.

 

 

 

And talking to the "higher authorities" imo never helps. Sure, you may get temporary relief, but you're just going to piss off the person you told on even more, then then you enter a new level of hell.

 

 

 

Ignoring people can work over an extended period of time, but be prepared to endure the worst before it gets better. If they are ignored and think nothing is having an effect, you're going to get it worse until they finally realize that it's no use, which can take quite a considerable chunk of time.

 

 

 

I'd say just go ahead and whip their [wagon] (possibly literally, depending on size difference). That usually sets people straight...Just make sure you have friends with you for awhile after, because chances of a backlash are high (and you do not want to have to walk a mile and a half home after getting your [wagon] whipped by 2-3 people, trust me).

[Gehackte]

I don't want problems and I'm lets say not the strongest person in the world.. yeah maybe someday soon to my headmaster..

 

 

 

thanks for the great answer urbestfriend:D

[Meldar]

In my experiences no, ignoring does notwork. In the end all it will do is piss off your harassers to the point where they will tease/bully you even more.

 

 

 

If you're uncomfortable talking about why exactly people would talk crap about you that's understandable, but there are certain things that people are intolerant of that you just can't change about yourself. Talking to a therapist may help alleviate some of the stress it may put you under, but to avoid getting totally pushed over the edge there are probably more steps that need taken, such as suggesting behavioral counseling for the people who are harassing you, etc.

 

 

 

Trust me, being put under mental or emotional strain because someone feels like hating on you is no fun at all.

 

 

 

I've never had to deal with such bullying; I am however the concerned observer, the innocent bystander, the guy who looks out for anyone - that guy. I've been known to step in and talk sense (or force sense) into bullies and their ilk; I'll admit I've probably inflicted some serious pain on those kinds of people as well to get the point across.

 

 

 

My advice would be to have a serious talk with your parents about how your harassment is affecting you and how their advice and the advice of your tutor isn't really working at all. I hope you get your problems resolved.

[deloriagod]

Ignoring didn't work for me in the past and going to higher authorities didn't work for me. You just need to learn to stand up for yourself. Take some sort of martial arts, boxing, wrestling, etc. It will greatly improve your confidence and if worse comes to worse you might have the upper hand. When it comes to fighting, being big doesn't mean a sure win. Knowing how to fight, where to strike, how to strike, etc. os far better than benching 270 and being ripped. Seriously, that won't help you when your enemy knows pressure points and how to defend himself.

[urbestfreind]

In my experiences no, ignoring does not work. In the end all it will do is piss off your harassers to the point where they will tease/bully you even more.

 

Exactly. The thing is, the bullying will reach an apex, and will slack off to the point of being virtually non-existant (in most cases). Most people can't take it up to this crest, so other things must be done.

 

 

 

If you're uncomfortable talking about why exactly people would talk crap about you that's understandable, but there are certain things that people are intolerant of that you just can't change about yourself. Talking to a therapist may help alleviate some of the stress it may put you under, but to avoid getting totally pushed over the edge there are probably more steps that need taken, such as suggesting behavioral counseling for the people who are harassing you, etc.

 

Trust me, anger management and other counseling is usually a waste of time and money. Unless the person has a true desire to change, nothing will happen. I've not only been through this firsthand, but know others who have as well. Getting out of therapy is incredibly easy, and even if you see the course through to the end, chances are high that a relapse will occur.

 

 

 

Trust me, being put under mental or emotional strain because someone feels like hating on you is no fun at all.

 

+1 to that.

 

 

 

I've never had to deal with such bullying; I am however the concerned observer, the innocent bystander, the guy who looks out for anyone - that guy. I've been known to step in and talk sense (or force sense) into bullies and their ilk; I'll admit I've probably inflicted some serious pain on those kinds of people as well to get the point across.

 

Ah, consider yourself lucky. Stepping in for someone is great, and I'll commend you for that, but sometimes it's the worst course of action to take. It will leave some bullies with the ideal that their victim can't handle anything themselves, and will usually lead to more hazing, and occasionally more violence. Plus, the chances of a group-attack are higher because they know that the victim has friends looking out for them, and will need to overcome this.

 

 

 

I'm not saying it's a bad course of action, but it must be taken carefully to avoid future complications.

 

 

 

My advice would be to have a serious talk with your parents about how your harassment is affecting you and how their advice and the advice of your tutor isn't really working at all. I hope you get your problems resolved.

 

It seems, from the original post, that this has already come and passed (possibly multiple times), which is why I suggested bringing in a higher authority, such as the head of a school (one of the deans at my school was great for things like this, he knocked quite a few heads together), or the police depending on what has happened and how much evidence there is.

 

 

 

deloriagod has some good advice here. Knowing how to fight is great, and if you practice different types, you can have the upper hand in almost any situation, provided you know more than they do. I wouldn't exactly advise against a weapon either. Not a knife, but I've scared off a few people with my bike lock (mostly because it's about 2.5 fingers thick and weighs a good 5lbs, and is like 5' long). And, I can carry it around in school and around other places without looking suspicious or being arrested (unless seen whipping people for no reason). Just, try to avoid this if possible.

[TheChamp]

Ignoring didn't work for me in the past and going to higher authorities didn't work for me. You just need to learn to stand up for yourself. Take some sort of martial arts, boxing, wrestling, etc. It will greatly improve your confidence and if worse comes to worse you might have the upper hand. When it comes to fighting, being big doesn't mean a sure win. Knowing how to fight, where to strike, how to strike, etc. os far better than benching 270 and being ripped. Seriously, that won't help you when your enemy knows pressure points and how to defend himself.

 

 

 

Good advice but "Fighting is a sport, not a way to settle disputes." - Bas Rutten

[warren211]

In my experiences, ignoring just pisses you off (but it does prevent physical conflicts) and adults seldom help. most adults I know prefer to tell you how to handle it yourself with the cliched "try taking to him" response because the last thing they need is an extra conflict to deal with in their lives.

 

 

 

Now I have a rather large build. One of the tallest in my class, a rather heavy person (not very fat, but heavy). The people who bully me do it only verbally because they know physically is not an option. I'm not that great at basketball so thats where they really tend to attack me -- on court and in the locker room. They're rather small as bullies go so all I have to do is get in their face and yell at them which works really well. They think I could easily slam them over the head and put them in a coma or tackle them with one hand. Problem is, I'm not a fighter. I couldn't punch a fly. But they don't know that, so intimidation works for me 8-)

 

 

 

Do not listen to these guys about "go beat em up". we all know how that ends up. You've seen on the news about one kid getting beaten up by a bunch of other kids and the bullies end up getting jailed or in serious legal trouble. What causes it? verbal attacks from the beating victim. if they bully you verbally and you respond physically, if you're caught you're screwed.

[Lenticular_J]

Use mace.

 

 

 

No, not the spray. I mean beat your harassers with a mace.

[Solidus_77]

Hi guys,

 

 

 

I've been teased, well more bullied, alot at school and my parents always say: "ignore them, eventually they'll stop" or "Go to your tutor and let him talk to them". And i think why still saying that b*llsh*t, because it won't work. I've talked with my tutor like 20 times. I've ignored many times. 1 time when I was ignoring some of those people from my class I became so angry. I can't ignore people if they are sitting like almost next to me talking crap and stuff about me. It was horrible, but i want to know your thoughts about this.

 

 

 

~Gehackte

 

 

 

I've had the same problem, it's too hard to just sit there and take it and it's awfully hard to get help. Any adult will tell you to go tell a teacher on them, which is completely stupid as you'll get socially exiled the moment you do. I'm confused, why are adults convinced that telling the teacher on the kids is a good idea? It DESTROYS any bond of trust with EVERY student on the spot, you're considered a coward. What's the point of making one kid stop annoying another kid at the cost of making EVERY kid gang up on him? Never follow that ridiculous advice unless you'd like to make the situation escalate even further and make a whole spectacle of yourself.

 

 

 

What you've got to understand is that there is NO counter to insults. You can't make yourself insult-proof. If they want to insult you, they will find something (even distort the truth if they have to). So don't bother trying to find a way to stop the insults. What you have to do is stop the people who insult you.

 

 

 

The ignoring idea is effective, but as stated, you have to be really committed. You see the only reason people insult you is because they get a response. So the idea is that if you show no response whatsoever, they will stop. Problem is, it's already hard to not respond vocally, but you also have to prevent any kind of response in your body language and on top of that you can't look like you're trying too hard to ignore people or they will know and use it against you (that's happened to me). If you're already in a situation where you get insulted and beat up on a daily basis (even by those who you considered friends) it's very hard to get yourself out of the situation. If you try to ignore people in that situation, they will try harder to get a response from you. Ignore, they try harder. They will continue trying harder and harder until they get a response from you. Even resorting to violence. The only action that helps in the long run is to either take it or walk away. Don't fight back, or give them anything to use against you. Even if you manage to beat them up, they WILL find a way to get back at you.

 

 

 

Another thing that helps would be not to provoke them in any way shape or form. Don't give them a reason to insult you. Even if they are the first to strike now, I'm pretty sure you must have done some provocation at some point. Don't ever do that.

 

 

 

But the only way this problem will always go away is with time. You need to get some social skills, insight, and maturity and so do they. All of these come with age. Eventually, you will learn not to provoke people in the first place, and they will be less agressive towards you as well. In the long run, make sure you never make a "sworn enemy" over anyone. My friends now are people who I considered "bitter enemies" a few years ago.

 

 

 

In the meantime make good friends with those you can trust, but be carefull! people who bend to peer-pressure easily might decide to follow the guys against you instead of you. I know it's not easy, when I was young I managed to turn my entire social entourage against me in almost ANY social environment for many years. It was tough seeing people go from warm welcome to bitter hate withing weeks (no matter where I went). But I also remember a dramatic change in 10th-11th grade where not only I became more socially adequate but so did other people. Nowadays, I never have any trouble.

[deloriagod]

 

deloriagod has some good advice here. Knowing how to fight is great, and if you practice different types, you can have the upper hand in almost any situation, provided you know more than they do. I wouldn't exactly advise against a weapon either. Not a knife, but I've scared off a few people with my bike lock (mostly because it's about 2.5 fingers thick and weighs a good 5lbs, and is like 5' long). And, I can carry it around in school and around other places without looking suspicious or being arrested (unless seen whipping people for no reason). Just, try to avoid this if possible.

 

 

 

Yes, if you know a fight is inevitable DO NOT carry a concealed weapon or by any means use one unless the other person uses one first. If the other person does have a weapon, make you have witnesses to testify that you used one in self defense. Carrying a concealed weapon or being the first to use one will land you in juvie.

[Nero]

I was never bullied in school since I've always been the kid with a half-second fuse (which has gotten me in trouble before).

 

 

 

All I have to say is that, if it does come down to violence, which is the quickest way out of your situation, beat him (or them) hard, so that their fear of you outweighs their anger and they won't start again.

[deathdude777]

The best way to handle a bully is to ask an older student, stronger student or a student that is good at fighting, to "straighten the person out". If you have a friend that has an older brother, then talk to them.

 

 

 

The way to go about asking someone is to tell them how you feel, how badly the remarks hurt, and that it is much more than the person getting on your nerves. More likely than not, they will relate to where you are coming from, and take care of the bullies.

 

 

 

The most important thing is to tell your parents about how you are feeling, DO NOT let your self get down. When you are feeling depressed, if you are lucky enough to have parents that care, just walk to them and sit/lay beside them, tell them you are feeling depressed; you don't have to go into great detail just tell them how you are feeling. If you can't(don't want to doesn't count as can't) go to your parents, go to another adult who you can trust and talk to them, if you still can't find an adult to talk to, try talking to an emotionally mature student. DO NOT brood on the things the bullies said, if you need to, watch cartoons(yes, cartoons) to get your mind off of it, or look at my signature for a few hours. :D

 

 

 

I will be praying for you.

[Solidus_77]

The best way to handle a bully is to ask an older student, stronger student or a student that is good at fighting, to "straighten the person out". If you have a friend that has an older brother, then talk to them.

 

 

 

That won't work. The other student risks getting in trouble and the bullies can just attack when he's not around. Like I said, you can't be protected from their attacks (verbal or otherwise) at all times.

[deloriagod]

The best way to handle a bully is to ask an older student, stronger student or a student that is good at fighting, to "straighten the person out". If you have a friend that has an older brother, then talk to them.

 

 

 

That won't work. The other student risks getting in trouble and the bullies can just attack when he's not around. Like I said, you can't be protected from their attacks (verbal or otherwise) at all times.

 

 

 

I agree. Trying to get protection from another student looks good for short term, but the bully is going to be mad and without your protection around you're basically free game..

[RSBDavid]

The smile and turn other cheek thing for fights doesn't work...

 

 

 

I tried that and then the bully punched me in the other cheek and called me a [bleep] for smiling at him.. ffs :wall:

[ThurinEthir]

I'm not the most popular guy in school, but I have a good handful of friends. I find that to be what's saving me, people are afraid that if they bully me, my friends will stick up for me, and I have friends you don't want to mess around with. :

 

Still, I've been bullied, by flat-out idiots. When I was younger, in elementary school, I told teachers, but I eventually found out that did absolutely nothing. The teacher would just ask the bully if he did anything, he would say no, and that would be the end of it. So I started sticking up for myself, fighting back. I adopted the idea of fighting fire with fire, outsmarted the bullies, utilized my agility, and basically got everyone else to notice. While bullies tend to do it for the attention, if people notice that a small nerd is fighting back successfully, the bully will be ridiculed until they're the one being bullied.

 

No one bothered me for a few years after that, but they've started to come back, and I've just ignored them. I'm naturally quiet, so it hasn't been that hard...It's worked, I think, as if you haven't guessed, they got tired of it and stopped. Took a while, but worth it, in my opinion.

 

Anyway, if you do end up fighting, I personally would never attack first. Though it could be advantage, if you end up surviving and end up having to talk with a teacher, you could always pull the "He started it!" excuse. :|

 

 

 

But honestly, to be blunt, the simplest solution is to make it so there's no reason to bully you. Don't piss people off, they normally won't piss you off. (There are exceptions, but usually those people are hated by everyone) I'm not saying bend to peer pressure and join the popular cliques, but it wouldn't hurt to have a few good friends who will back you up, and can scare off bullies. Normally, the really popular people will be willing to be friends with basically anyone, so it could be worth a shot. And I don't mean to have them as a bodyguard, but to just have them there...Just in case...

 

 

 

I could be giving you terrible advice, as my school has been known to be extraordinarily weird, but it's worked for me, it might work for you. If absolutely none of this works, take it to the highest authority possible, probably not police, but at least principal or housemaster, or whatever you have. Parents too, if you feel that you can share it with them. Good luck.

[deathdude777]

I can personally say it works, if you find the right person. Find someone who is not very socially involved and has strong moral values. A person like this cares much more about keeping someone from being abused than any consqeunces that could come from it, physicial or political. It takes some time, but you will find someone.

 

 

 

 

 

I agree. Trying to get protection from another student looks good for short term, but the bully is going to be mad and without your protection around you're basically free game..

 

 

 

 

 

Im talking about someone who will REALLY straighten them out. Not just woop up on them, make them fear for their LIFE.

[deloriagod]

 

I agree. Trying to get protection from another student looks good for short term, but the bully is going to be mad and without your protection around you're basically free game..

 

 

 

 

 

Im talking about someone who will REALLY straighten them out. Not just woop up on them, make them fear for their life.

 

 

 

You'd have to find someone who REALLY cares because he's getting a suspension and paying for medical bills after he beats the bully. Assault can be a pretty nasty charge.

[deathdude777]

I never said anything about hitting them, just scaring them...BAD. If the person is good at intimidation, fighting won't be nessecary.

[Solidus_77]

I can personally say it works, if you find the right person. Find someone who is not very socially involved and has strong moral values. A person like this cares much more about keeping someone from being abused than any consqeunces that could come from it, physicial or political. It takes some time, but you will find someone.

 

 

 

 

 

I agree. Trying to get protection from another student looks good for short term, but the bully is going to be mad and without your protection around you're basically free game..

 

 

 

 

 

Im talking about someone who will REALLY straighten them out. Not just woop up on them, make them fear for their LIFE.

 

 

 

That still doesn't change the fact that once your "personal bodyguard" is gone you'll be seen as vulnerable and the guy will most likely be pissed too, so he'll have even more desire to be physical. Manipulating by fear only works if that fear is present at all times. AND ALSO the guy who you're counting on is putting himself at great risk of getting in trouble.

 

 

 

You say this worked for you, how? how are you sure that this guy isn't just plotting his revenge? I must say I'm a little worried for your sake now.

[Lenticular_J]

I guess I should give some actual advice. Keep friends around you all the time, and if you can, try and laugh it off or throw an insult or two their way. Just try not to be that kid that sits and seethes, trying to take it. To be frank, people will insult you and be mean all through school. Probably later on, too. People in general suck. Just keep with your friends as much as you can, and don't start anything you don't want to untangle yourself with. Intimidation also works, I suppose, but you have to be good at it, as well as having some skills and knowing a few people. Unless you're being bullied by a bear. Then, just yell and wave your arms at them. Bears are wimps.

 

 

 

If worse comes to worse, though, the mace idea is still good.

 

 

 

EDIT: Or you could be the crazy kid that most people simply avoid or just leave alone because they think you'll blow and shoot up the school.

 

 

 

Whatever floats your boat.

[deathdude777]

It didn't say it worked for me, I said it worked for other people. I was the "bodyguard". Bullies typcilly only have one target which they pick on, if they arn't able to pick on that target, then they quickly lose their appetite for dominance. Once the "bodyguard" is out of the picture, the bully will have grown up.