"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Omar]

People in in my grade are hardly 15, and a lot of them smoke cigars and/or cigarettes and/or pot and drink beer and stuff. I got flashed by a drunk 14 year old at a party. Are we just early or are you guys late?

 

 

 

LOL , I think you are early ...

 

You don't live in Jamaica / Cuba / [insert land with much drugs activity] ? Do you?

 

Canada. :|

[Lenticular_J]

I have something to add to our CONFIDENCE.

 

 

 

Change her to him if you are a girl.

 

 

 

Tell her about it, tell her everything you feel

 

Give her every reason to know that you're for real

 

Tell her about it!

[deloriagod]

People in in my grade are hardly 15, and a lot of them smoke cigars and/or cigarettes and/or pot and drink beer and stuff. I got flashed by a drunk 14 year old at a party. Are we just early or are you guys late?

 

 

 

It all depends on who you hang out with as to how many you think actually do these things. Years ago I was naive as to how much of this happened in my school until I got in on the fun. You're not really early, I bet you guys are just dumb enough to lay it out in the open and hope to get caught.

[Wongtong]

Ahhh Goddess D:

 

Just wondering, are you allowed to leave the house at all?

 

 

 

But I would recommend doing what aquariusman said - take breaks and go out.

 

 

 

I would also recommend talking to your fiance about how you feel but it might lead into and argument if you approach it the wrong way..

[Omar]

People in in my grade are hardly 15, and a lot of them smoke cigars and/or cigarettes and/or pot and drink beer and stuff. I got flashed by a drunk 14 year old at a party. Are we just early or are you guys late?

 

 

 

It all depends on who you hang out with as to how many you think actually do these things. Years ago I was naive as to how much of this happened in my school until I got in on the fun. You're not really early, I bet you guys are just dumb enough to lay it out in the open and hope to get caught.

 

They're not laying it out on the open. And it's not fun, that [cabbage] smells.

[MC_Kejml]

Hey sup.

 

 

 

Currently, I'm in a pretty weird situation!

 

 

 

You, if you know me a bit from this thread, have been going through one too many escapades for last 2 years, which are my second and third grade at high school. There has been over... Five attempts to have a girlfriend, whether from all the mixed interests such as curiosity, love, affection, chuffing from friends, and you know all the jazz. And all have failed.

 

 

 

Nowadays, I got this apathical nature about girls. I just don't care for them, which is, as my friends say, pretty bad, because I'm in my best years for these "adventures". I've been thinking about it, and when I turn like 25 and more, it would just be this... "ordinary, traditional and prevalent" relationship. I could even get married. Duh.

 

 

 

My best friend is sorta worried about me, since he is trying to help me in any way possible to "get on the track", though I probably seem stubborn.

 

 

 

It's probably based on the "great depression" of my friendship with him. We were the best mates sharing the same interests, you couldn't find a better friend for me - and I had none such friend ever (yeah, probably 5 more a long time ago, but that's another story) .

 

Year ago, we both attended dance courses, long story short, he "got" his gf from there, I miserably failed. Now I see he has been changing, while he is still on the similar vibe as me, he forgot some of our "worshipped things" - think "one day we purchase a DDR softpad", "one day we'll do a dance off in a club"... Those are minor things to a spectator, but they DO BIND the relationship between friends. I hate, utterly hate his gf, but never told him that. That, also with my other 4 "fails" had made my decision.

 

 

 

I also think I do not have the basic 3 ingredients for a relationship: Time, Money, and Always good mood. I may have sometimes the 2 of those, but all 3 only seldomly. I'm worried about my writing "talent" also, because I think that if I got a gf, she'd "talk out" all these skills from my head ( imagine Platon's cave theory).

 

 

 

I learned some attitude, so I think that if I really cared, I could "get myself happy(don't think anything bad)" as my friends say. But I don't have the motivation to do some effort on my part.

 

 

 

I don't want to turn into 'ole molestin' Daddy Longlegs later in my age just because I had nothing these times... :( But,well, WHY BOTHER?

 

 

 

Hey, what are your opinions? I could really see some insight from my favourite forum.

[rangeor]

Hey sup.

 

 

 

Currently, I'm in a pretty weird situation!

 

 

 

You, if you know me a bit from this thread, have been going through one too many escapades for last 2 years, which are my second and third grade at high school. There has been over... Five attempts to have a girlfriend, whether from all the mixed interests such as curiosity, love, affection, chuffing from friends, and you know all the jazz. And all have failed.

 

 

 

Nowadays, I got this apathical nature about girls. I just don't care for them, which is, as my friends say, pretty bad, because I'm in my best years for these "adventures". I've been thinking about it, and when I turn like 25 and more, it would just be this... "ordinary, traditional and prevalent" relationship. I could even get married. Duh.

 

 

 

My best friend is sorta worried about me, since he is trying to help me in any way possible to "get on the track", though I probably seem stubborn.

 

 

 

It's probably based on the "great depression" of my friendship with him. We were the best mates sharing the same interests, you couldn't find a better friend for me - and I had none such friend ever (yeah, probably 5 more a long time ago, but that's another story) .

 

Year ago, we both attended dance courses, long story short, he "got" his gf from there, I miserably failed. Now I see he has been changing, while he is still on the similar vibe as me, he forgot some of our "worshipped things" - think "one day we purchase a DDR softpad", "one day we'll do a dance off in a club"... Those are minor things to a spectator, but they DO BIND the relationship between friends. I hate, utterly hate his gf, but never told him that. That, also with my other 4 "fails" had made my decision.

 

 

 

I also think I do not have the basic 3 ingredients for a relationship: Time, Money, and Always good mood. I may have sometimes the 2 of those, but all 3 only seldomly. I'm worried about my writing "talent" also, because I think that if I got a gf, she'd "talk out" all these skills from my head ( imagine Platon's cave theory).

 

 

 

I learned some attitude, so I think that if I really cared, I could "get myself happy(don't think anything bad)" as my friends say. But I don't have the motivation to do some effort on my part.

 

 

 

I don't want to turn into 'ole molestin' Daddy Longlegs later in my age just because I had nothing these times... :( But,well, WHY BOTHER?

 

 

 

Hey, what are your opinions? I could really see some insight from my favourite forum.

 

 

 

I've been having a pretty similar problem. I'm in my second year of high school as well, and i've asked out 3 girls in my life and all of them said no. I'm also feeling that why bother feeling. I mean, i'm getting by just fine without a girlfriend but at the same time I want one really bad. I can't make up my mind :lol:

[Ginger_Warrior]

[hide=I really ramble epically when I'm tired and I've had a day, don't I?]

It would be nice if he took me out to nice places and leave my son with our parents for a lousy hour to get out of the house. He does eventually give in and take me out but the problem is I shouldn't have to ask. I feel like because I have his kid and big rock on my finger that says I'm committed to him that he no longer has to make an effort with me.

 

I remember you saying this about a year ago. That he wasn't putting in enough effort into the relationship and as a result you were getting pretty bored and felt unwanted. If you feel that way it's better to confront him about it, and see if he makes any effort to change, rather than letting those emotions fall by the wayside and hope the problem goes away. If he doesn't change, then yeah, that's really his own problem.

 

 

 

He says he is concerned about our finances but to be honest we probably have more than most couples in their early 20's. And he always says the same thing... several thousand later he still needs to save and tells me to wait, then when we reach that target and I finally feel like we can go out or get something that we want, he says it's still not enough. So I wait, several thousand later... and it continues.

 

 

 

He is so concerned about money that he no longer wants to have any fun in life and lately I have been pretty depressed because I am trapped in this house. It's so easy to have your own account and do whatever you want with your money but it's another thing when you have joint finances and have to ask permission. I'm getting pretty angry about it. I don't feel like I should have to ask for credit for my phone considering we don't have a house phone, to go out and have a bit of a life some weekends or transfer some money across so I can get some food for lunch/dinner.

 

I'm looking for a motive there as to why anyone would be that cautious about their finances. Credit crunch? Yeah, but thousands of Aussie dollars seems excessive when prices are so low in stores. Maybe he's just a cautious person by nature? Hmm.. but why would he restrict your money flow even if he is, especially when you're climbing walls in boredom because of it? You're right to be confused, it makes no sense to me either.

 

 

 

The only thing I can think of is this, and I'm sorry for bringing it up here (I'm presuming it's OK since you've spoke about it here before): Is he being overly cautious because of your history of OCD? Does he feel as though giving you that money would be a ticket to the slippery slope of gambling again?

 

 

 

Again, it's worth confronting him about it, if only to reestablish some sort of trust between the two of you when it comes to money. If not, do as you say. Get a job to relieve the boredom, store it in your own private account. I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but you can't sit at home for the next three years bringing up whats-his-name. You will wanna get your career back up and running, and if needs must and all he's doing is sitting around the house 6 days a week then better sooner than never. You need escapism, and you need money to do it.

 

 

 

At the end of the day he's no right to prevent you from getting money really when the only reason you're incapable of earning some dough for yourself is the fact you're raising his child.

 

 

 

Not only that I don't have access to our account unless I ask him what our toggle code is because he is the only one who has it. So yet again every time I need to use some of our money I need to ask. God this really pisses me off.

 

I don't blame you. Way to tell a partner you don't trust 'em. If it's a joint account, you both should have access to it. If he wants a private account, he should go get himself one. It's totally unacceptable to set up a joint account, expect both partners to pay into it and then only have one person knowing the codes.

 

 

 

But yeah I needed to get this off my chest because it is quite upsetting and I don't get to go out much so I can't talk to my friends and family about it.

 

Oh God, sort that out before anything lol! Tip.It and a fiancé is hardly an alternative to a social life, no matter what the General Board thinks.

 

 

 

I was going to pay off a cross trainer so I can go in to the shed and work out but he won't let me get one.

He really is not interested in discussing this or budging and it is only pushing me away more and more.

 

Jesus, cheap ones cost like... £20? I think that's about AUS$35. Doesn't matter.

 

 

 

It's avoidance. It's like he doesn't want to confront the issue even though there's absolutely nothing wrong with the finances. There must be something deeper wrong with him when it comes to money.

 

 

 

I guess you could say I turned a blind eye to it which is my fault.

 

Nope. Him forcing control by dependence, even if he doesn't mean to create that situation purposefully, is not your fault. ;)[/hide]Simply put, I think there is something wrong with him. Clearly he either doesn't understand where you're coming from, or he does and doesn't care because something else is influencing his judgement.

 

• [*:2bz7hwf0]1) Being a member of a joint account and not having access to that account is quite patently ridiculous, even if you're not currently putting anything into the kitty. You're a mother bringing up a three month (I think) old baby. I dunno about social security in Australia but I'm presuming you also have some sort of child benefits payed into that account too, which makes it even more stupid that you can't get free access to it as the mother. You need that money for him and you. It's clear you're not with him to make off with his moolah, so there's no reason for you not having access to the account - before you even think of getting married, that needs sorting ASAP.
   
  [*:2bz7hwf0]2) From where I'm sitting, something's on his mind when it comes to you and money; or you and spending time away from the baby. If it's the former, then that's a trust issue which needs addressing, starting with him spitting it out what exactly his problem is. If it's the latter, then he seems to be living in Victorian times. I certainly wasn't watched 24/7 as a baby of two students in Liverpool, and it certainly wasn't my Mum doing all the work with me while my Dad went out.

 

 

 

You ain't doing anything wrong. You've put your career on hold so you can raise your baby. If he takes issue to you having any form of escapism, even if it's to look after your own health, then that really is his problem, no one else's.

[gman019]

[hide=Goddess's Relationship Problems]

Today I had a pretty bad fight with my fiance'. I've been a stay at home mum now since my son was born and it's really emotionally draining to look at 4 walls all day and house work can also be one of the most depressing things known to man. You do the dishes, then look over and they're back again. You do the washing then you turn around and there's another load to be done. Guys, if you ever live with a woman never tell her that being a stay at home mum isn't hard work. I assure you that studying a full time degree and working 50 hours that week is nothing compared to being a stay at home mum.

 

 

 

It's also emotionally draining on the basis that I feel like I am "stuck" because I'm so used to being a workaholic. I do try to tell myself that I'm doing the right thing by spending the first 6 months of my sons life raising him at home but then when my fiance' has 6 days off and just wants to sit down and relax it makes me mad. I can see that he works long shifts and obviously deserves a bit of a rest but I'm not here to clean up after him 24/7 and look at 4 walls every day. It would be nice if he took me out to nice places and leave my son with our parents for a lousy hour to get out of the house. He does eventually give in and take me out but the problem is I shouldn't have to ask. I feel like because I have his kid and big rock on my finger that says I'm committed to him that he no longer has to make an effort with me.

 

 

 

He says he is concerned about our finances but to be honest we probably have more than most couples in their early 20's. And he always says the same thing... several thousand later he still needs to save and tells me to wait, then when we reach that target and I finally feel like we can go out or get something that we want, he says it's still not enough. So I wait, several thousand later... and it continues.

 

 

 

He is so concerned about money that he no longer wants to have any fun in life and lately I have been pretty depressed because I am trapped in this house. It's so easy to have your own account and do whatever you want with your money but it's another thing when you have joint finances and have to ask permission. I'm getting pretty angry about it. I don't feel like I should have to ask for credit for my phone considering we don't have a house phone, to go out and have a bit of a life some weekends or transfer some money across so I can get some food for lunch/dinner.

 

 

 

He is so obsessed with our money that everything is in our savings account and he will only transfer the exact amount that he requires at one time. Not only that I don't have access to our account unless I ask him what our toggle code is because he is the only one who has it. So yet again every time I need to use some of our money I need to ask. God this really pisses me off. I have tried talking to him about it for months but he is being so stubborn about it and insisting we need limits. It really is taking a toll on me and I don't know what else to do. I am sick of fighting about money and I sick of being with a stingy partner who doesn't want to have any fun in life.

 

 

 

Don't worry I'm not planning on getting married until all this crap is worked out lol

 

 

 

But yeah I needed to get this off my chest because it is quite upsetting and I don't get to go out much so I can't talk to my friends and family about it. It is really affecting a lot of things, it is making me feel depressed, it is making me feel less satisfaction in life, it is making me feel less inclined to talk to him, our intellectual conversations have stopped, our connection is slipping, I don't like to be around him as often, I lose my temper quickly and I have been questioning whether or not I am engaged to the right person.

 

 

 

As a result of this, I sleep in most days because a large part of sleeping too much is not knowing what to do with your life. And this is making me put on weight. Oh and if you didn't know once you've had a baby weight grows on you like leaves grow on trees. I have diabetes so this is pretty bad. I was going to pay off a cross trainer so I can go in to the shed and work out but he won't let me get one. I can't go for walks because of the heat, if you're a fellow QLDer you will know what I mean and I can't risk my son out in that kind of heat. Life is going down hill pretty quickly because of this. I could always go back to work, no problem but he is still in control of our finances so that won't fix the problem.

 

 

 

He really is not interested in discussing this or budging and it is only pushing me away more and more. We have always fought about money since we have been together because I'm pretty lenient but know my limits and he is uncle scrooge so likes money sitting in the account letting his life waste by in the process.

 

 

 

I should have thought about this problem a long time ago to be completely honest with myself but I had the power of my own account and do anything I felt like and didn't have a baby at the time. So I didn't really think about it as much. I guess you could say I turned a blind eye to it which is my fault.

 

 

 

I'm an extremely independent person and to put it bluntly it really [cabbage] me to tears that what makes me, me has been taken away from me.

[/hide]

 

 

 

 

 

It's really great that you're addressing that this [cabbage] needs to be sorted out BEFORE marriage is even in the picture. My parents went through the same thing WHILE they were married, and it ended costing them a divorce.

 

 

 

You need to sit him down, while keeping a calm mood, and address this in a way he will see it. Ask him what he is "saving up" for, and why he can't trust you to handle money. If there's no trust to where he won't even give you access to YOUR (collectively) account (assuming it is a joint account), then how are you supposed to trust each other with other things? It seems he is VERY superficial, which sort of makes sense in this economic crunch the world seems to be going through, but COME ON, what is he, running seven different [bleep]ing businesses?.

 

 

 

Organize something to where your parents can watch the kids and have a girls night, maybe with some friends in the neighborhood, or a "just you two" dinner every few weeks. If he doesn't want to buy a cross trainer, why not suggest a gym membership? They even have day care centers in the facilities (usually), which could help watch the kid.

 

 

 

If he STILL refuses to accept to these terms, you need to take affirmative action and go stay with your parents, or something, get the message to him.

 

 

 

[hide=Lonely Ol' Kejml]

Hey sup.

 

 

 

Currently, I'm in a pretty weird situation!

 

 

 

You, if you know me a bit from this thread, have been going through one too many escapades for last 2 years, which are my second and third grade at high school. There has been over... Five attempts to have a girlfriend, whether from all the mixed interests such as curiosity, love, affection, chuffing from friends, and you know all the jazz. And all have failed.

 

 

 

Nowadays, I got this apathical nature about girls. I just don't care for them, which is, as my friends say, pretty bad, because I'm in my best years for these "adventures". I've been thinking about it, and when I turn like 25 and more, it would just be this... "ordinary, traditional and prevalent" relationship. I could even get married. Duh.

 

 

 

My best friend is sorta worried about me, since he is trying to help me in any way possible to "get on the track", though I probably seem stubborn.

 

 

 

It's probably based on the "great depression" of my friendship with him. We were the best mates sharing the same interests, you couldn't find a better friend for me - and I had none such friend ever (yeah, probably 5 more a long time ago, but that's another story) .

 

Year ago, we both attended dance courses, long story short, he "got" his gf from there, I miserably failed. Now I see he has been changing, while he is still on the similar vibe as me, he forgot some of our "worshipped things" - think "one day we purchase a DDR softpad", "one day we'll do a dance off in a club"... Those are minor things to a spectator, but they DO BIND the relationship between friends. I hate, utterly hate his gf, but never told him that. That, also with my other 4 "fails" had made my decision.

 

 

 

I also think I do not have the basic 3 ingredients for a relationship: Time, Money, and Always good mood. I may have sometimes the 2 of those, but all 3 only seldomly. I'm worried about my writing "talent" also, because I think that if I got a gf, she'd "talk out" all these skills from my head ( imagine Platon's cave theory).

 

 

 

I learned some attitude, so I think that if I really cared, I could "get myself happy(don't think anything bad)" as my friends say. But I don't have the motivation to do some effort on my part.

 

 

 

I don't want to turn into 'ole molestin' Daddy Longlegs later in my age just because I had nothing these times... :( But,well, WHY BOTHER?

 

 

 

Hey, what are your opinions? I could really see some insight from my favourite forum.

[/hide]

 

 

 

Bro, don't worry, it's something most of guys will go through, especially in high school. You just need to figure out what works for YOU.

 

 

 

It's a man's normal reaction to have fear towards failure. You just have to face the facts sometimes. You're only in high school, most relationships don't last. =\

 

 

 

Sometimes good friends just break apart, it happens. Some of my greatest pals were lost to me in high school, because of their partners/hobbies. Find out what you like to do, and find other people who like that.

 

 

 

Money, Time, and Good Moods don't really affect a GOOD relationship (to an extent). A partner should be there to support you when you aren't sunshine happy, and if a chick is burning a hole in your wallet, ask yourself "Is she worth it?" A good relationship should have your time committed to it at a reasonable rate.

[Wongtong]

[hide=MC_Kejml]

 

Hey sup.

 

 

 

Currently, I'm in a pretty weird situation!

 

 

 

You, if you know me a bit from this thread, have been going through one too many escapades for last 2 years, which are my second and third grade at high school. There has been over... Five attempts to have a girlfriend, whether from all the mixed interests such as curiosity, love, affection, chuffing from friends, and you know all the jazz. And all have failed.

 

 

 

Nowadays, I got this apathical nature about girls. I just don't care for them, which is, as my friends say, pretty bad, because I'm in my best years for these "adventures". I've been thinking about it, and when I turn like 25 and more, it would just be this... "ordinary, traditional and prevalent" relationship. I could even get married. Duh.

 

 

 

My best friend is sorta worried about me, since he is trying to help me in any way possible to "get on the track", though I probably seem stubborn.

 

 

 

It's probably based on the "great depression" of my friendship with him. We were the best mates sharing the same interests, you couldn't find a better friend for me - and I had none such friend ever (yeah, probably 5 more a long time ago, but that's another story) .

 

Year ago, we both attended dance courses, long story short, he "got" his gf from there, I miserably failed. Now I see he has been changing, while he is still on the similar vibe as me, he forgot some of our "worshipped things" - think "one day we purchase a DDR softpad", "one day we'll do a dance off in a club"... Those are minor things to a spectator, but they DO BIND the relationship between friends. I hate, utterly hate his gf, but never told him that. That, also with my other 4 "fails" had made my decision.

 

 

 

I also think I do not have the basic 3 ingredients for a relationship: Time, Money, and Always good mood. I may have sometimes the 2 of those, but all 3 only seldomly. I'm worried about my writing "talent" also, because I think that if I got a gf, she'd "talk out" all these skills from my head ( imagine Platon's cave theory).

 

 

 

I learned some attitude, so I think that if I really cared, I could "get myself happy(don't think anything bad)" as my friends say. But I don't have the motivation to do some effort on my part.

 

 

 

I don't want to turn into 'ole molestin' Daddy Longlegs later in my age just because I had nothing these times... :( But,well, WHY BOTHER?

 

 

 

Hey, what are your opinions? I could really see some insight from my favourite forum.

[/hide]

 

This sounds kinda mean, but don't worry, your friend and his gf will probably end up breaking up, just like the majority of high school relationships.

 

 

 

And you won't turn into 'ole molestin' Daddy Longlegs, you have me D: well, maybe not. But yeah, you won't turn into that.

 

 

 

You sound like you don't really want a girlfriend.. so don't sweat it, don't let anyone pressure you into a relationship or whatever, it's your choice when you're ready for dating and all that.

[hiimben]

Goddess, what's stopping you from taking your child with you to see friends and the like? If you feel so enclosed that you can't even go out for a coffee or whatever, then maybe your the one placing the barriers on yourself. Brent would more than likely approve of you taking the baby out. Go to a park, or a beach or something, it's inexpensive and you get to socialise with people while looking after your child.

 

 

 

As for the finances thing, you can't help that you are in your early 20's and that is a terrible time financially. Maybe he feels that if you hold back on your spending now, you can indulge later on when Raiden's a bit older. It's perfectly understandable, maybe you just need to adjust your perspective a little bit. Sure, there's a point where it needs to stop when you're struggling to get by because your trying to save that bit extra, but I really doubt that's the case. When you say you know your limits for spending, do you mean you can survive comfortably for an extended period of time with the same lifestyle? If so, perhaps Brent just wants the satisfaction of knowing that he can look forward to an improvement in the future.

 

 

 

You do also have to accept that with your mental condition, it can be dangerous to have undeniable access to both of your earnings, and I'm sure you know why. I know Bipolar can be a pretty terrible disease, but you have to accept the repercussions that come with it, even if it doesn't seem fair.

 

 

 

With the sleeping in because you don't know what you're doing with your life, it truly just emphasizes my belief that this is just part of the mood swings of Bipolar. Not long ago, you were mentioning something about a store you were interested in, can't remember where now, but to go from that prospect to (from my viewpoint) seeking attention by placing all your life's misery on your fiance just doesn't seem very rational.

 

 

 

I'll stop there because all of these are guesses because I do not know your lifestyle, or your fiance's personality or whatever. But I just think you need another perspective, because it looks like everybody here loves you too much to point out that you may be the one in fault.

[IGoddessI]

Thanks a lot for that ging. A couple of new things have come to surface so I will deal with them and see if that solves anything.

 

 

 

So far we have established that his parents have put away a trust fund and promised if we don't touch it that they will keep adding moolah in there for when we want to buy a house. Apparently this is the reason for the toggle code because he doesn't want to risk anything. His reasons for me not having a toggle code of my own is the fact that I'm very forgetful and lose something daily. So I guess that is true but now our issue is why he didn't tell me about this sooner and why he kept it from me.

 

 

 

We've also established that he is saving for something. He said he is being anal about money because he wants to help me open my shop so I can do what I want to do. That is a nice deed but I really don't want to chew my arm off before we get there so I've suggested on getting a job and a percentage of that will be our going out money whether he likes it or not. I've also explained that if I got my cross trainer that it would kill a lot of OCD urges to go out because I can focus my energy compulsions on something useful like getting back in to shape and losing the horrible pregnancy weight. As being fit was a way that has always worked for me in the past. So he has promised next pay day on the 15th he will buy one for me.

 

 

 

Another issue I didn't think about was the fact that he grew up with his grandparents because his parents were always workaholics. I think he is scared that if we take Raiden to his nanna and grandad's house for the day or for a few hours that we're missing out on precious time with our son. While that is admirable a house mum needs to get away from a screaming baby for her own sanity and it is very important for both partners to have some alone time for romance, time alone etc

 

 

 

So the problem I face now is why he hid money from me. Dishonesty pisses me off more than being stingy lol

 

 

 

hiimben

 

 

 

Thanks for your post. You make it sound like I don't want to take my son to the beach or to the park. Firstly the beach is a half hour drive away and my fiance' takes our car so I can't get there. Secondly we live next door to a park and we go there most days and it is nice to get out for a little while but we can't be out there too long because of the QLD heatwaves. My friends also don't live close by and my closest friends such as Rick lives almost 2 hours away by car. I am also the only person in my circle of friends who has a baby. My friends are very career orientated and have jobs that require them most days of the week.

 

 

 

One thing I will take from that however is maybe looking for local baby groups in my area and other mothers to socialize with. So thanks for writing that.

 

 

 

As for the finances thing Brent has always been this way. You would have to know him to understand how he is. It is fine and dandy to have an improved future. But is it really an improved future if you've put so much time and energy in to saving that your partner is officially bored out of her brain and the pair of you are growing a part because of it? It also doesn't cost money to take me to the beach or to look around the mall. However it is nice to go to dinner or to watch a movie every month or so.

 

 

 

One thing I will take from that is the fact that maybe money isn't the real issue. Perhaps the real issue is he wont invest any time and effort in to our relationship anymore.

 

 

 

I don't have bipolar I was misdiagnosed from social anxiety. You probably didn't know this but please lose the label. As for sleeping in - No I'm pretty positive it's because of boredom. But once again referring to your first paragraph I have decided to make some new friends around the area to overcome this.

 

 

 

Thanks for your perspective it means a lot to me and perhaps you're on to something more. But I would just like to point out that my true friends on here aren't scared to call a spade a spade. If Ginger thought I was being an [wagon] he'd let me know and that's why I like him. Nobody is really helping anybody if you don't tell the truth.

 

 

 

Thanks again for your perspective I have taken a lot from it.

[hiimben]

Hmm, in which case, It's probably a matter of both you and Brent to try and maybe build up some friendships with the neighbours. I'm sure there are plenty of people like my mother who are more than happy to take a baby to nurse for the afternoon while you go and have some fun. Hell, if the bond you make with them is fairly good, you might be able to go to the beach or whatever with them and your son.

 

 

 

If the lack of excitement in your life is affecting your mood, perhaps it would be worth going over your budget to try and invest a little more in entertainment. That way you could try to plan your outings to fit his work roster, and again strengthen the bond with your neighbours.

 

 

 

That's about as much help I can give.

[IGoddessI]

Once again thanks a lot you have given me a new perspective, one that I'm definitely going to put in to practice. And we're currently living somewhere where we have a lot of neighbours so I'm going to give it a crack :D Knowing that I have some extra company might just put me in a better mood and for all I know maybe that's why he is avoiding me at the moment. You've made me very happy :D

[MC_Kejml]

Hehe. Thank you all for your input, I guess it'll come to me one day. I just have to hope it won't be too late.

 

 

 

So

 

 

 

tyvm

[Ginger_Warrior]

Once again thanks a lot you have given me a new perspective, one that I'm definitely going to put in to practice. And we're currently living somewhere where we have a lot of neighbours so I'm going to give it a crack :D

 

Yeah, give it a good go. Not only will it make you personally happier, it'll allow some breathing space between you and him, and that's really a must for any marriage. Plus it opens the door to potential clients for the business. ;)

 

 

 

Also, invest more money into things to do at home. DVDs; music; whatever. I've survived six months doing practically nothing thanks to my iPod, rugby and gaming. Thing is... I'm out of money now. It had to end eventually. :(

 

 

 

As far as chewing your arm off goes, I'm no accountant, but now's a bad time to set up a jewelry shop (if that's what you're planning on). There's rumours here one of the UK's well known jewelry chains is in trouble and may have to call in administrators thanks to the recession. Timing sucks.

[nickeley102]

[hide=IGoddessI's Yarn]Today I had a pretty bad fight with my fiance'. I've been a stay at home mum now since my son was born and it's really emotionally draining to look at 4 walls all day and house work can also be one of the most depressing things known to man. You do the dishes, then look over and they're back again. You do the washing then you turn around and there's another load to be done. Guys, if you ever live with a woman never tell her that being a stay at home mum isn't hard work. I assure you that studying a full time degree and working 50 hours that week is nothing compared to being a stay at home mum.

 

 

 

It's also emotionally draining on the basis that I feel like I am "stuck" because I'm so used to being a workaholic. I do try to tell myself that I'm doing the right thing by spending the first 6 months of my sons life raising him at home but then when my fiance' has 6 days off and just wants to sit down and relax it makes me mad. I can see that he works long shifts and obviously deserves a bit of a rest but I'm not here to clean up after him 24/7 and look at 4 walls every day. It would be nice if he took me out to nice places and leave my son with our parents for a lousy hour to get out of the house. He does eventually give in and take me out but the problem is I shouldn't have to ask. I feel like because I have his kid and big rock on my finger that says I'm committed to him that he no longer has to make an effort with me.

 

 

 

He says he is concerned about our finances but to be honest we probably have more than most couples in their early 20's. And he always says the same thing... several thousand later he still needs to save and tells me to wait, then when we reach that target and I finally feel like we can go out or get something that we want, he says it's still not enough. So I wait, several thousand later... and it continues.

 

 

 

He is so concerned about money that he no longer wants to have any fun in life and lately I have been pretty depressed because I am trapped in this house. It's so easy to have your own account and do whatever you want with your money but it's another thing when you have joint finances and have to ask permission. I'm getting pretty angry about it. I don't feel like I should have to ask for credit for my phone considering we don't have a house phone, to go out and have a bit of a life some weekends or transfer some money across so I can get some food for lunch/dinner.

 

 

 

He is so obsessed with our money that everything is in our savings account and he will only transfer the exact amount that he requires at one time. Not only that I don't have access to our account unless I ask him what our toggle code is because he is the only one who has it. So yet again every time I need to use some of our money I need to ask. God this really pisses me off. I have tried talking to him about it for months but he is being so stubborn about it and insisting we need limits. It really is taking a toll on me and I don't know what else to do. I am sick of fighting about money and I sick of being with a stingy partner who doesn't want to have any fun in life.

 

 

 

Don't worry I'm not planning on getting married until all this crap is worked out lol

 

 

 

But yeah I needed to get this off my chest because it is quite upsetting and I don't get to go out much so I can't talk to my friends and family about it. It is really affecting a lot of things, it is making me feel depressed, it is making me feel less satisfaction in life, it is making me feel less inclined to talk to him, our intellectual conversations have stopped, our connection is slipping, I don't like to be around him as often, I lose my temper quickly and I have been questioning whether or not I am engaged to the right person.

 

 

 

As a result of this, I sleep in most days because a large part of sleeping too much is not knowing what to do with your life. And this is making me put on weight. Oh and if you didn't know once you've had a baby weight grows on you like leaves grow on trees. I have diabetes so this is pretty bad. I was going to pay off a cross trainer so I can go in to the shed and work out but he won't let me get one. I can't go for walks because of the heat, if you're a fellow QLDer you will know what I mean and I can't risk my son out in that kind of heat. Life is going down hill pretty quickly because of this. I could always go back to work, no problem but he is still in control of our finances so that won't fix the problem.

 

 

 

He really is not interested in discussing this or budging and it is only pushing me away more and more. We have always fought about money since we have been together because I'm pretty lenient but know my limits and he is uncle scrooge so likes money sitting in the account letting his life waste by in the process.

 

 

 

I should have thought about this problem a long time ago to be completely honest with myself but I had the power of my own account and do anything I felt like and didn't have a baby at the time. So I didn't really think about it as much. I guess you could say I turned a blind eye to it which is my fault.

 

 

 

I'm an extremely independent person and to put it bluntly it really [cabbage] me to tears that what makes me, me has been taken away from me.[/hide]

 

On top of what has been suggested, heres my 2 cents

 

 

 

He sounds like he may be a more logical person (not unlike me) you could try giving him the opportunity to fit your ideas into his plans in a logical way i.e. a night a week (with a money cap) where you organise somebody to baby-sit and go on a date or try something new together. You could even make it a game to see who can plan the best date within your 50 dollar limit, or whatever.

 

 

 

Im sure deep down he doesnt plan on the situation staying like this forever and knows how he treats your account access is wrong. In my (in)experience its a new step (joint accounts etc) for both of you and everybody goes through this

[IGoddessI]

It's all good we've worked things out, I just needed to have a whinge. Once I get this shop up and running will be back to my old self again. Hopefully lol :lol:

[rangeor]

Quick little question here. See I was sitting in my algebra class, drawing comics since it was the last day before winter break (the friday before last), and this one girl I know came up to me and started talking. Some time later she said something along the lines of "well I know you walk home every day and I feel sad when I see you walking in the rain so here's my # if you ever need a ride." (we live in the same neighborhood). I was kind of out of it since I was tired, so I didn't really think much of it other than the fact that it's the first time a girl gave me her number without me asking.

 

 

 

Originally I was going to wait until a rainy day so I could call her but I recently stumbled upon the thought that maybe she wanted me to call her even if it wasn't raining (sorry if I worded that wrong, but i'm pretty sure you know what I mean). My only concern is she really only intended for me to call her if it was raining, and that she would be a little weirded out if I just called to chat. Although it's probably just my paranoia, she doesn't seem like that type of person.

 

 

 

Anyhoo I was just wondering you guys' opinions on it, as in should I call her now? Or has it been to late (almost a week and a half)? And please excuse my lack of standard dating knowledge, I'm still pretty new at this :P

[Ouchy]

Trust me, she will not think it is strange if you call her just to talk. Girls love to talk, and on the phone is no different. She might have meant that you only call her when it is raining, but there is a very slim chance of that. Just call her. All will be fine.

[Da_Latios]

Well, I'm back from Tokyo now, and I bought [mystery girl] a white-ish trench coat-looking thing >.> I might post a pic of it later. I'm amazed I actually completed a goal I had set out. :lol:

 

 

 

rangeor: She wants you to call her! Come on; she GAVE you her number. It doesn't get more obvious than that. Call to chat. If you like her, grab some lunch together or ask to watch a movie. If you want, just go "as friends".

[Lenticular_J]

Range0r and mystery girl, sitting in a tree! He'd better call her, or e-else he!

 

 

 

Uh. Won't call her?

 

 

 

Well, call her. She wants you.

[Omar]

Has she been talking to you more lately?

[rangeor]

Has she been talking to you more lately?

 

 

 

Yeah. We don't talk much but we have been talking more lately. I think i'll call her later today :D

[ChaosFlames]

*sigh* I really didn't want to post this and instead try to get an answer on my own, but its been bugging me for long enough.

 

 

 

I'm generally more of a listener and I don't mind listening to someone talk for a long time, while I throw in my opinion or advice every now and then. I guess that one thing makes me good with *some* girls, and I generally have a lot of close female friends.

 

 

 

Now, my problem is that after being really good friends with a girl you sometime develop feelings for them. But it seems that once I'm in the "friend-zone", I can never manage to pull out of it and kick it up to a relationship (unless I became friends with them originally with the intent of later on going out with them) After thinking about it, I guess its mostly because of my fear of how akward it would be if they they said no to me asking them out or something. I'm not necessarily afraid of rejection, just the akwardness that ensues after you've been friends with someone for so long and you just happened to [bleep] it up.

 

 

 

So basically, Im afraid to ask out girls I've just happened to become good friends with or atleast tell them how I feel about them because of how akward it might be after it all. Am I right in doing this? Or is this bad? :?

 

 

 

Sorry if its a little confusing, my minds a mess right now.