TTanT, sounds like you did just fine. Isn't this the girl you work with? If you breaking any advice, it's probably about not dating your co-workers.

 

@G550

 

I think it's a tough spot when a relationship comes between you and a friendship. If he is out of the picture in a couple weeks, waiting is perhaps not the worst option, though you might want to speak to her about it so that she doesn't wonder what is going through your head during that time. Quite frankly it's like someone handed you a get out of jail free card.

 

As for going with a girl who has a child, I guess just echoing what Iamdan said. You are talking about walking into very serious territory full of very serious commitments. Don't rush, know what you are getting into, and make sure you understand the consequences. Not that you need to avoid anyone with children, just...make sure you are ready to have a child if this is the road you want to walk down.

Eye "of" the beholder

 

Anyway, I'm kind of upset now that muggi won't find my shaved head attractive

 

dont worry i still think youre beautiful <3:

Muggi we know you're poly but that doesn't mean you should try to sleep with everyone in this thread.

^Jealous

...Slightly.

muggi appreciates hotness regardless of gender or post count

well i do have a huge post count

^It's not about the size of your posts; it's about how you use them. :wink:

I was wondering how long it would take for this thread to turn into a post count size contest. I sure have some long posts, but God Almighty do obfuscator's posts have girth!

I don't know about you guys, but I have no use for a stump of a post count. No offense, y_guy.

I don't know about you guys, but I have no use for a stump of a post count. No offense, y_guy.

 

none taken, you couldn't handle my post count anyway

The question really is, "does post count size really matter?"

I've been told my post count is the perfect amount. Not too big, not too small. Just right.

I know the typical response to this type of post is 'One-itis' but...

 

When you meet a girl, and there just seems to be something unique and special about the way you interact with each other. She plays with her hair, she talks faster than she usually would with other people, she opens her body to you when she talks, she touches your arm when she says goodbye. Those things which on their own don't mean anything but together as a pattern, they make you think there's something more to it. So this goes on for a week or two. You're going to ask the question at the next opportunity when...

 

You're randomly walking down the street, having just done a three-hour stint in the library. You're mentally exhausted, and this is basically the last place in town you would expect to see this girl... and you see her and her boyfriend. Therefore, not only do you realize that you now have zero chance of dating her, you also start doubting your own intuition and wonder how the heck you read it all wrong.

 

Even better... depending on some factors which aren't in my control necessarily, I might end up effectively being this girl's supervisor for the next year. I've got assignments due in a couple of weeks and a presentation and I'm stressed already, so maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion because I'm tired but... it's one of the worst feelings, it really is. A right kick in the ribs. The worst thing is I don't actually know if it was her boyfriend, so I can't really close that possibility off and basically friendzone her. I mean, there was nothing about them that meant they definitely were, and she's never mentioned one, but they still seemed close which suggested they were together.

 

But... plenty more fish in the sea. Good night's sleep, head down, do my uni work, stick to the schedule and all that.

I know the typical response to this type of post is 'One-itis' but...

 

When you meet a girl, and there just seems to be something unique and special about the way you interact with each other. She plays with her hair, she talks faster than she usually would with other people, she opens her body to you when she talks, she touches your arm when she says goodbye. Those things which on their own don't mean anything but together as a pattern, they make you think there's something more to it. So this goes on for a week or two. You're going to ask the question at the next opportunity when...

 

You're randomly walking down the street, having just done a three-hour stint in the library. You're mentally exhausted, and this is basically the last place in town you would expect to see this girl... and you see her and her boyfriend. Therefore, not only do you realize that you now have zero chance of dating her, you also start doubting your own intuition and wonder how the heck you read it all wrong.

 

Even better... depending on some factors which aren't in my control necessarily, I might end up effectively being this girl's supervisor for the next year. I've got assignments due in a couple of weeks and a presentation and I'm stressed already, so maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion because I'm tired but... it's one of the worst feelings, it really is. A right kick in the ribs. The worst thing is I don't actually know if it was her boyfriend, so I can't really close that possibility off and basically friendzone her. I mean, there was nothing about them that meant they definitely were, and she's never mentioned one, but they still seemed close which suggested they were together.

 

But... plenty more fish in the sea. Good night's sleep, head down, do my uni work, stick to the schedule and all that.

 

You're doing that thing that most of us do where we make the world out of nothing.

 

You don't even know that was her boyfriend for christ sake. Maybe she just flirts heavy hard and often. Ask her about it instead of stewing in your negativity. And do it quick before you drive yourself up a wall.

Sucks, but just because she has a boyfriend (which is not for sure), doesn't mean she's not into you. That probably doesn't change much about what you're going to do and I'm not saying "just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score", but you may not have misread anything.

"just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score"

 

That was actually the first thing to pop into my mind when I read his post >_>

Personally I think that if you know a girl has a boyfriend that should be when you stop pursuing her. Encouraging her to cheat on him with you will end up hurting both him and her due to guilt, jealousy, betrayal, etc.

 

Sure the girl should know better than to cheat if that's against her values, but encouraging others to go against their values is still morally unsound. After all, if you talk a person into stealing a car you caused that theft. Even if you believe in polygamy, if a couple is in a monogamous relationship that shouldn't be changed unless both of them agree to it, as one or both of them may lack the capacity to deal with the potential jealousy and other issues polygamy can cause.

 

 

Of course if you don't know whether she has one I say pursue her until you find out.

I'd probably be stewing it over in your shoes as well, but the simplest way is to just ask "hey that guy I saw you with the other day, is he your boyfriend?" If she says yes, you know it's time to stop. If she says no, you keep going for her.

"just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score"

 

That was actually the first thing to pop into my mind when I read his post >_>

 

I don't have a problem with it and I think the person in the relationship bears all the responsibility, but I don't think that's what G_W was aiming for, that's all.

Thanks for your replies. I wouldn't deliberately split them apart because, actually, if she's having trouble or if she's not happy with her boyfriend, then the last thing she needs is someone abusing that position of trust. When you're in a position where a girl already has a boyfriend it becomes very important to draw a line under it. That's the advice I would give to someone else in the same situation. Clearly, a lot of the anxiety seems to be drawn from not knowing whether it was her boyfriend or not, so I need to find that out.

 

I'm not necessarily against polyamorous relationships, it's just not something I'm interested in. But it's a valid suggestion if that's what we'd both be interested in.

To kind of repeat everyone, and yourself, find out if she's truly in the relationship.

 

Personally, she sounds like a complete turn off to me for two reasons:

 

Firstly, she flirted with you. In the context of her liking you, or her even being flirty in general, this is totally fine, but if she's in a relationship and openly flirting with other guys, and flirting in a way that is convey, seemingly, strong attraction, not good.

Secondly, if she is in a relationship and the above is true, then she'll most definitely be doing that with other guys in every other relationship she's in, until she learns that getting other people's attention isn't what it's all about. Sure be poly or whatever, but don't be an attention [bleep] (no offence to anyone, but really).

 

Just my thoughts.

To kind of repeat everyone, and yourself, find out if she's truly in the relationship.

 

Personally, she sounds like a complete turn off to me for two reasons:

 

Firstly, she flirted with you. In the context of her liking you, or her even being flirty in general, this is totally fine, but if she's in a relationship and openly flirting with other guys, and flirting in a way that is convey, seemingly, strong attraction, not good.

Secondly, if she is in a relationship and the above is true, then she'll most definitely be doing that with other guys in every other relationship she's in, until she learns that getting other people's attention isn't what it's all about. Sure be poly or whatever, but don't be an attention [bleep] (no offence to anyone, but really).

 

Just my thoughts.

 

If she isn't in a relationship though all that is invalid.

go for it brothaaa~

Not entirely true, honestly.

 

If she seemed so relationship-y, for lack of a better term, with whoever Gingy saw her with, AND she acted the way she did to Gingy, then honestly, she's still an attention [bleep], or at least is coming across that way to me.

Not entirely true, honestly.

 

If she seemed so relationship-y, for lack of a better term, with whoever Gingy saw her with, AND she acted the way she did to Gingy, then honestly, she's still an attention [bleep], or at least is coming across that way to me.

 

i agree, but how old is she? It boils down to maturity for me, and if she's say, 18, it's somewhat normal for people (not just women) at that age to be somewhat immature about relationships.