Remember that confidence comes from having the skills to back up your actions/intentions. Alcohol can't give you that, just overconfidence from your inability to accurately self evaluate your skills and ideas. Not that it can't facilitate sociability, just that it makes for a poor crutch, and only inhibits the development of actual skill.

 

Not a lot of fun, but just about. Everyone has to go through that phase of not knowing what they are doing.

 

Oh, and feel free to ask him out. I find many guys are flattered. That's supposed to be their job, so they feel like something special if you ask them. Guys who feel emasculated by it are, in my opinion, the sort who aren't worth your time. You want someone who can see you as an equal, and can take a compliment :lol:

Personally, girls that ask me out get nexted immediately.

Liking me, and asking me out are the same, yet different at the same time. And I personally am much more into their actions, initiating contact is a big thing for me. If they initiate contact, I'm usually in.

Yeah if you wanted to play it even more subtly in case he does feel kind of jyped if you "ask him out" then just work really hard to initiate spending time with him, alot. He'll get the clue rather quickly and if you send the right signals, he'll surely go for it if he's interested.

 

 

 

 

To be fair, just because a girl sleeps with you doesn't mean she's looking for anything more than that.

subtle is ALWAYS too subtle. You have to make it completely clear your into him - by directly saying so - and then you can gauge whether or not hes into you.

 

and I say subtle is always too subtle because I do get guys who have had a girl sleep with them and are still unsure whether or not she likes him, lol.

 

Kinda random, but you're a girl? I never knew that haha.

 

... :?

 

I'm pretty sure he meant that guys go to him asking for advice as another guy, lol

Ahh, would make sense. I'm on my phone btw, tif is pretty barren when used on mobile.

Fair point, you can't see the mini profiles on some mobile versions.

I'm a virgin and 100% proud of it.

I'm a virgin and 100% indifferent about it.

I'm a virgin who is 100% comfortable saying it in an online setting where two presumably male members just previously admitted to being a virgin.

 

Significantly less comfortable in the real world.

 

Hugging, especially in our generation, is an extremely common greeting, especially when the relationship between two people is already quite intimate. I'm the type of person that has few, deeper friendships, mostly with females, so when I go back to university this week, the first thing I'll do when I see them is offer a hug. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm looking for sex, though, nor does it mean that they'd be wanting it if I tried, of course.

 

Hugging is a very safe way of breaking the "physical contact" barrier with someone new, although it doesn't provide much of an opportunity to show your intentions. Are you just wanting to be friendly, or you do see something more? Hugging doesn't really help answer that question, unless it's followed by something else. It's therefore not something I'd read into all that much, unless there was something auspiciously sexual about the hugging; where his hands touched you, for example.

 

As far as girls asking guys out... people do have these attitudes about gender roles, probably because we live in a patriarchal society (anyone who denies this latter fact is doing so in blatant and horrible ignorance, in my opinion). The basics are the same for guys and girls. Flirting: Start sooner rather than later, but not too strong up front. Get the other person talking about their interests, try to link them back to you, pay compliments to show interest and so on. If he flirts back, raise the level. It will become very obvious what his answer would be if you asked him on a date. Guys would normally want to choose time and location, so perhaps leave that power with him after asking.

 

It really depends on personal preference though; if you're the type who wants to swept off their feet, that isn't going to happen if you ask. You'll need to wait for him to do it, and just show an interest in the meantime.

 

Something I've thought about before but never said it aloud...

 

How, exactly, does one flirt? I have no ability to conciously flirt with a girl. There has been more then one occasion where I'm talking to a cute girl, I want to flirt with her... and I have no idea how I'm supposed to flirt. (Or maybe just scared? Idk.) I've had times where I'll spend time with a girl, have fun, look back and go "yeah I definitely flirted with her" but I just have no concious ability to do it. It's one of those things that... happens or it doesn't. Idk.

 

How, exactly, does one flirt? I have no ability to conciously flirt with a girl. There has been more then one occasion where I'm talking to a cute girl, I want to flirt with her... and I have no idea how I'm supposed to flirt. (Or maybe just scared? Idk.) I've had times where I'll spend time with a girl, have fun, look back and go "yeah I definitely flirted with her" but I just have no concious ability to do it. It's one of those things that... happens or it doesn't. Idk.

Valid question. For me, I'm too nice to everyone in general to look like I'm flirting (even when I think I am). I think I'm being suggestive, but I'm really not. I find it difficult to make an effort to actively talk to guys that I like without fearing that I become annoying or that they don't want to talk to me. I don't really feel that with people in general, just the guys that I ever happen to like. And if I didn't like the guy that way beforehand, I never get those fears, but as soon as I start liking someone, I assume that they wouldn't want to talk to me or spend time with me etc. Basically it doesn't look much like I'm treating anyone specially because I'm too paranoid at the prospect of being 'caught out' and people noticing that I like said person without actually telling them first. I'm much less shy about telling people who I like, but when people just 'find out' it does irk me. I don't know why. I just feel like I'm not in control of who hears what, who says what, and this is how facts get distorted and twisted. Then, suddenly it's some huge Chinese whispers game and the guy will eventually hear something completely inaccurate which will make them never talk to me again. (Or so I fear)

 

Good thing I don't have school anymore, and don't have to see any of these people anymore. Still, I remain scared of rumours and things like this and I don't know why :S I really haven't got anything to lose at this point but yet I still remain scared of finding a way to tell him how I feel even though he's really not a scary guy and I would genuinely like to get to know him

@ Squab

 

Be witty. Compliment, but DO NOT over compliment. Let her know you're able to get other women, but not necessarily with one. (But in doing so, DO NOT come off as a womanizer.) Walk the line. Most importantly, just be different. You have to show her you believe in yourself, because if you cannot believe in yourself, you can't expect someone else to believe in you. Another card I like to play, is mystery. Think about it, a girl you don't fully understand is a thousand times more interesting than one who you can read like a book.

 

protip: Whatever you do, don't try too hard.

How, exactly, does one flirt? I have no ability to conciously flirt with a girl. There has been more then one occasion where I'm talking to a cute girl, I want to flirt with her... and I have no idea how I'm supposed to flirt. (Or maybe just scared? Idk.) I've had times where I'll spend time with a girl, have fun, look back and go "yeah I definitely flirted with her" but I just have no concious ability to do it. It's one of those things that... happens or it doesn't. Idk.

Valid question. For me, I'm too nice to everyone in general to look like I'm flirting (even when I think I am). I think I'm being suggestive, but I'm really not. I find it difficult to make an effort to actively talk to guys that I like without fearing that I become annoying or that they don't want to talk to me. I don't really feel that with people in general, just the guys that I ever happen to like. And if I didn't like the guy that way beforehand, I never get those fears, but as soon as I start liking someone, I assume that they wouldn't want to talk to me or spend time with me etc. Basically it doesn't look much like I'm treating anyone specially because I'm too paranoid at the prospect of being 'caught out' and people noticing that I like said person without actually telling them first. I'm much less shy about telling people who I like, but when people just 'find out' it does irk me. I don't know why. I just feel like I'm not in control of who hears what, who says what, and this is how facts get distorted and twisted. Then, suddenly it's some huge Chinese whispers game and the guy will eventually hear something completely inaccurate which will make them never talk to me again. (Or so I fear)

 

Good thing I don't have school anymore, and don't have to see any of these people anymore. Still, I remain scared of rumours and things like this and I don't know why :S I really haven't got anything to lose at this point but yet I still remain scared of finding a way to tell him how I feel even though he's really not a scary guy and I would genuinely like to get to know him

 

Well, the obvious, logical answer, is to tell him. Really, if you think about it, nothing too bad will come of it either.

 

Unfortunately, some overriding part of us insists on being [bleep]ing terrified of telling them. I feel like this should turn into an [wagon] brain thing.

The bystanders always figure it out faster. The person being flirted with has the worst possible vantage point during the whole ordeal. I'd liken it to lifeguarding. The lifeguard doesn't watch from the pool because then your part of the action, you a part of what you are supposed to observe. By sitting back from the edge of the pool, you see more, and you have a clearer picture because you aren't really a part of what you're watching. The same thing happens with flirting. The person being flirted on is part of the action, where any bystanders are free to just stand back and observe. They also don't have their wants on the line, they can be logical where the person being flirted on is stuck with a lot of emotional thinking.

 

So unless you only ever want to flirt one on one, people are going to notice.

 

For flirting, I'd summarize it like this. Conversation, working in some humor, maybe a tease or two. More talking, showing interest in them as a person and their life, making them the focus, not me. If this goes well, I can move on to more compliments/physical contact (you can do both at once. A complement of say someones hair is an excuse to touch it).

 

I can't say I pay attention to my own flirting with people, but it seems to go something like that. You start with establishing a rapport, generic conversation, trying to work in some humor, and maybe a tease for bonus points (works better in group conversations where you need a way to connect on a one-on-one level). Teasing one-on-one, not advised. More conversation, more joking if you can, maybe get to know each other a bit better. When you get a chance, compliments are nice, especially combined with touching (facial features are an easy one, though hair is probably the most popular. Just touch whatever feature your complementing, see how they react).

Nice boobs.

 

Oops.

 

[bleep].

 

Well, the obvious, logical answer, is to tell him. Really, if you think about it, nothing too bad will come of it either.

 

Unfortunately, some overriding part of us insists on being [bleep]ing terrified of telling them. I feel like this should turn into an [wagon] brain thing.

I know. Half of this hassle that my brain is giving me is completely unnecessary!

This could all be over if I just told him. No beating around the bush, just doing it. I don't know why I'm 'embarrassed' to tell him.

I'll see what I can do in the next few days with regards to maybe going out to the cinema or something. Just a day out.

Nothing too creepy.

ask him over to watch ghost dad starring bill cosby w/you

ask him over to watch ghost dad starring bill cosby w/you

 

AHAHAHAHA, that is the best thing I've read all day long. Maybe follow up with Leonard Part 6?

I've done things the chicken way. I don't really care at this point though.

 

I spoke to one of his friends who's known him for a while now. She's super nice, and is supportive and she'll probably do some probing or get back to me with more information. I'm just too much of a wimp for these things, and talking girl-to-girl is kind of comforting but I seriously need to grow some balls. It's getting pathetic now :P

How much do you trust this girl? 'Coz... I'm not sure I'd be so helpful if a guy wanted to get with one of my female friends, regardless of how nice they were. :P

How much do you trust this girl? 'Coz... I'm not sure I'd be so helpful if a guy wanted to get with one of my female friends, regardless of how nice they were. :P

 

It's out of desparation by this point, he's so hard to reach. I think he genuinely doesn't see my messages, because this IM program tells you when the other message's been opened, and I sent two yesterday evening. Equally, I've been leaving intervals between conversations so it's not like "Hey, it's me again!" every other day.

 

So the last time we spoke was Sunday evening, me saying thanks for the party, and he replied afterwards thanking me for coming. I asked a question but he didn't see the message till Tuesday, so I assume that he thought there was no point replying since it was two days later and it would just be weird to restart the conversation. So that's what's making it hard to reach him. I think other people struggle to get in contact with him too but I can't be sure.

 

So his friend hasn't responded to my greeting yet. I don't actually blame her, haha. I'm such a random person to start talking to her, but she's really nice, I don't know if I trust her, but by this point, I don't really care. I just want the message out, and I'm too much of a wimp to do it myself. I don't care if everyone knows. Just as long as it reaches his ears, and there's some kind of response, be it negative or positive, I'll be alright with it. I highly doubt he's deliberately ignoring my messages until I hear otherwise but I'm still going to be reasonable about leaving intervals between how often I start conversation as in person, he starts talking to me a lot of the time, or will come and hug me and dance with me, but electronically its me starting conversations, and sometimes the conversation will die because there's too many long pauses between responses from both of us.

 

UPDATE: Wow, I didn't expect my heart to melt like this. I've spoken to the girl who made out with him at our Leaver's party, the one he's said he doesn't like in that way, and she is such a lovely person. I don't actually know if I have the heart to potentially take him like that, if he liked me. I'm also beginning to think that he may have lied about not liking her, so people wouldn't bother him and that maybe he's just shy. She says they have a lot in common and that they have been good friends in class and outside, and how they 'sort of mutually like each other' and she's so earnest about her feelings. She wants to see where it goes, and my heart just melted at that. I wished her good luck and I actually mean it. I still like him but I'm a softie for these things. I don't have the ruthless bit in me to just go for what I want and risk upsetting her. Equally, I do this for every boy that I like. I let other girls get them because I don't want people to be upset by things :( All three members of this triangle are too shy to talk directly to each other.

 

She said at the party someone brought up them making out and was like 'when are you two gonna make out again?' and he put his arm around her and laughed it off, probably to minimise potential awkwardness, and she thinks he likes her too and that they 'kinda have a thing' and if that's the case I'm absolutely ready to back off. I haven't told the girl that I might like him too. I just wished her good luck with it, but I'm pretty sure he's going to get the news soon. If only we weren't all so shy.

 

UPDATE TWO: So he's going to Malaga for a week, so this is on hold for a while. Maybe indefinitely haha.

Um well with Facebook I ignore even opening some messages so the sender doesn't realize I'm just straight up ignoring them.

Um well with Facebook I ignore even opening some messages so the sender doesn't realize I'm just straight up ignoring them.

 

You're still overthinking stuff Maddy.

 

And the longer you don't communicate with him, the worse it will be. So you should get to him in person or just drop it, it's not very healthy.

Um well with Facebook I ignore even opening some messages so the sender doesn't realize I'm just straight up ignoring them.

 

You're still overthinking stuff Maddy.

 

And the longer you don't communicate with him, the worse it will be. So you should get to him in person or just drop it, it's not very healthy.

He's off to Malaga now, so no choice but to leave it for a little bit now.

 

He hasn't really got any reason to ignore me, and the message I sent was something he'd have wanted to reply to probably.

Its ok, I'll just wait a bit.

You and I both know that what you're actually doing is using any excuse to avoid approaching this problem, because emotionally it's not making you feel great, because it's taking you way out of your comfort zone. I realise I'm a hypocrite when I say that, because I'm a sucker for procrastinating even the simplest things, especially when it comes to relationships.

 

Tell me I'm wrong.