"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[obfuscator]

I'd just wish I could have some fun with her for the rest of the summer without her analyzing my every move. I've reiterated to her several times that I'm unsure if I'll want a relationship but I am afraid I have let her on.. Why the hell did I even think it was ok for me to say that back to her..

 

People say dumb things in the heat of the moment. It was stupid of her to say it too.

 

As far as I see it you have two options.

 

Option 1: Be honest with her. Tell her you don't love her, and you're not interested in a relationship. Accept the fact that taking this path may well lead her to stop sleeping with you.

 

Option 2: Lie. Tell her you love her, continue leading her on, continue getting laid. Eventually tell her the truth and break her heart.

[Omar]

Why the hell did I even think it was ok for me to say that back to her..

You did something in the spur of the moment and you regretted it. It happens; if you analyzed the consequences of your actions exhaustively you'd probably be incapable of doing anything. What's done is done though, so work with what you've got. C'est la vie.

In passing, I'm going to remind you that you really don't like hurting girls. Remember that time one told you she had been raped and you stopped seeing her because you were somehow repulsed? That felt good for neither of you. As I said at the time, her happiness wasn't your responsibility (it was ultimately the rapist's fault), but you're certainly capable of empathy, so don't leave this problem to future Low_levelled because he's not going to like what he has to do.

[constrictor]

In Italy for two weeks and then my "girlfriend" is going to france for two weeks so we won't see each other for a month.

 

Doing a long distance thing will be interesting. And tips/suggestions, besides not doing it?

[The_Gabe]

In Italy for two weeks and then my "girlfriend" is going to france for two weeks so we won't see each other for a month.

 

Doing a long distance thing will be interesting. And tips/suggestions, besides not doing it?

 

I'm gonna end up in an off on long distance relationship because of college... Just skype her.

[nine naked men]

In Italy for two weeks and then my "girlfriend" is going to france for two weeks so we won't see each other for a month.

 

Doing a long distance thing will be interesting. And tips/suggestions, besides not doing it?

 

have a giant penis

 

like one that spans continents. run that shit across the ocean floor like an oil pipeline yo

[Ginger_Warrior]

I don't want to play an anti-joke but you don't need a [rooster] that big between Italy and France. :P

 

If either of you are the type that needs physical affection, you've got problems with no obvious solutions. Maybe buy a teddy bear and tell her to pretend it's you (could lead to something interesting on her part ;))

 

If you aren't that physical, then you've got texting, Skype, Facebook (etc). But remember: Two people in a relationship are just that, two separate people living separate lives who've decided to share certain mutual aspects of their life with each other. Don't let her being away from you stop you from going out and enjoying your life to the fullest, and vice versa. Frankly, if you've to stories to tell from Italy, and she's got stuff from France, then it might be perfectly normal to feel jealous because you're missing out, but remember that that feeling is silly because actually you've both added value to the relationship by adding value to yourselves, not subtracted.

[Kaida23]

Went out for a smoke around midnight last night and heard my neighbors across the street having very loud sex. Nothing like a reminder of how much it sucks to be single right before you go to bed... <_<

[Kimberly]

Went out for a smoke around midnight last night and heard my neighbors across the street having very loud sex. Nothing like a reminder of how much it sucks to be single right before you go to bed... <_<

 

But did you seize the opportunity to yell odd encouragement? Maybe accompany it with a laugh track to make him doubt his masculinity?

 

If they turn it into a public spectacle it's only fair that you get to participate in some way.

[constrictor]

Went out for a smoke around midnight last night and heard my neighbors across the street having very loud sex. Nothing like a reminder of how much it sucks to be single right before you go to bed... <_<

 

But did you seize the opportunity to yell odd encouragement? Maybe accompany it with a laugh track to make him doubt his masculinity?

 

If they turn it into a public spectacle it's only fair that you get to participate in some way.

 

 

I literally lol'd so [bleep]ing hard. Highfives to Kim.

 

 

@Gingy: thanks. That's 100% helpful. Like we are physical, but I feel that we also are "secure" enough that a month apart won't be that bad. Hopefully the internet here will cooperate later and allow me to Skype her.

 

We both leave for separate schools this fall too, so this is kind of practice if we can maintain on/off long distance.

 

The whole thing on living separate lives and such, Gingy, is brilliant; I had never really thought by enhance my life and she hers, separately (with in moderation) would draw us together in away by allowing us to then reshare as best we could the experiences.

 

Overall I am rather excited to see what happens, as much as it'd suck to have things end entirely between us when we go to school, if this does work and we are able to last it, then I am 100% grateful for the time away. If that makes sense.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Why did you place 'girlfriend' in inverted commas before?

 

The way you talk about her and yourself, and the way you seem to feel about it, it seems like the relationship is a lot more official and solid then you originally portrayed it as being. Not that that changes my advice necessarily, I was just interested in how strong you feel this relationship is, or rather how upset you would be if you did go to school and it ended not long after.

[constrictor]

Why did you place 'girlfriend' in inverted commas before?

 

The way you talk about her and yourself, and the way you seem to feel about it, it seems like the relationship is a lot more official and solid then you originally portrayed it as being. Not that that changes my advice necessarily, I was just interested in how strong you feel this relationship is, or rather how upset you would be if you did go to school and it ended not long after.

 

In that she and I dated from May til September of 2012. Then we broke up and on and off tried to get over each other and eventually it just led to us essentially doing exactly what we were doing when we were dating, we just haven't officially called it dating yet, so as to keep hopes from being crushed if school destroys it. If that makes sense.

[nine naked men]

that's bullshit the real story is that his "girlfriend" is actually a half-melted icecream cake he's drawn a dumb face on w/icing

 

welcome to earth

[Ginger_Warrior]

That is one mighty large brush you're using right there to tar all LDRs.

 

Is not seeing each other regularly a problem? Yes.

Is it necessarily a deal-breaker? No.

 

But you do have to be frank and honest with each other whether it's more worthwhile trying to make a LDR work, than simply going your separate ways and finding new people. If you've already said before that you need to have physical intimacy as well as emotional intimacy, then you don't need to be Dr. Phil to work out that means school will, in all likelihood, put a wrecking ball straight through the pair of you.

[muggiwhplar]

Having a long distance relationship without being able to see other people is insane

[Estonian dude]

I assume this thread is for all kinds of relationship advice.

Thus, I present my problem.

I have managed to create a feud between me and one girl. Going back over two months now. Well, she really truly pissed me up aswell, though. She knows that she [bleep]ed up, I heard that from a close friend to both of us. I think I have managed to get through my message through other people, that I am willing to end this thing if she apologizes to me. I have not spoken a single word to her since she pissed me off directly though. I have ignored or actively blocked all means of communication par facebook, since we share school stuff on it. But now the school is up aswell. We were in Bulgaria last week, and there I actively got involved in cockblocking her as part of the feud. And I did so well, truly well. I know I have been mean, but that is not normal me.

And on a moment quite right before she pissed me off we were good friends.

 

I want to know, is there any way how I could end this feud diplomatically without looking like a loser? This girl has gotten nearly everything she has wanted in her life and a few other people have actively supported in me having this feud with her. She is somewhat of a bad person in a way. I know I probably can't change it but if I can make her to apologize to me, maybe she could think about some things in life.

[nine naked men]

yr acting like a massive baby already makes you look like a loser so uh you're out of luck there

 

my advice is to get over it. "how do i make her apologise if i'm literally avoiding all forms of contact with her guh bluh bluh bluh"

 

jesus christ

[Tim]

so.... you're demanding she apologizes ...for a feud that's equally both your fault, to end the feud?

 

assuming I read that right:

[Estonian dude]

It is not my fault. She started this by pissing me truly off, lying to my face, slandering me, drawing a dick on my face, and other stuff. Where did that come out that I caused any of this?

 

And yeah, this was not the spot to post this to. Got the feeling you people would say that. Just that it is something that I want to get out of my mind.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I think I have managed to get through my message through other people, that I am willing to end this thing if she apologizes to me. I have not spoken a single word to her since she pissed me off directly though. I have ignored or actively blocked all means of communication par facebook, since we share school stuff on it. But now the school is up aswell. We were in Bulgaria last week, and there I actively got involved in cockblocking her as part of the feud. And I did so well, truly well. I know I have been mean, but that is not normal me.

Oh Jesus, grow up... you're acting like this and then you want her to apologise to you?

[constrictor]

It is not my fault. She started this by pissing me truly off, lying to my face, slandering me, drawing a dick on my face, and other stuff. Where did that come out that I caused any of this?

 

And yeah, this was not the spot to post this to. Got the feeling you people would say that. Just that it is something that I want to get out of my mind.

 

Don't hold grudges. Easy as that.

 

If you care so much about her apologizing then you are giving her all the power, which is presumably what you're trying not to do in every other instance. So learn to not give a [bleep] what she did and get the [bleep] over yourself. Christ. Hahaha.

 

 

 

On the note of my "girlfriend". I don't expect her to "wait for me" or whatever while we are at school. Both us know there's really no way we can maintain a full on relationship considering her school is 13hrs from mine, but a friendship? Most likely.

 

So my presumption would be that we will maintain a friendship (hopefully one that grows) and then not to look to the future too much because I personally think that can ruin relationships as well, but possibly after school assuming she's still interested and I am, maybe things will work out.

 

Who knows.

[Riku3220]

If anyone has forgotten this is what Saq is upset about:

 

Okay, I calmed down now and I am not actively going to seek out ways to hurt her. But she is dead to me.

Basically, I had been rejected to the prom by her thrice(?), of which I know one time only. And she promised she wouldn't tell anyone anything which had happened on that one time since I said quite a bit more that one time. I knew she liked one other dude, but she said she isn't going to come to the prom. At all, with anybody.

I would have been okay, if she had come with that one dude.

 

Now today, it turned out random people knew more about the 3 times I had been rejected by her than I myself did. Since once I was absolutely completely wasted and I don't know anything at all about that time and the third time she misunderstood me, but kept blabbling about how I invited her...

And also, it turned out she(!) invited one absolutely completely random dude on a party on Friday, with whom she has no connections whatsoever. That random dude is known for his reputation as a loser, who gets rejected more often in 3 months than I have been in my whole life... And he doesn't even like her, he said it to me. Wtf?

 

Now, I really-really liked that girl. And she knew it. And then today she tries to be all happy and friendly with me, like nothing happened, since we got along pretty fine before. And when I heard she had told about me and made fun of me to EVERYBODY, I get [bleep]ing pissed.

 

We're just going to repeat everything that everyone said in April. You've got to get over it. It isn't her fault that you got drunk and asked her out more than you wanted to. It isn't her fault that you're embarrassed about asking her out so many times. If you don't want to talk to her anymore then fine, so be it, but don't go around demanding that she apologize and then try to ruin all of her fun by cockblocking her or whatever.

[constrictor]

@Saq Heres how you should've reacted. Hey __________ I really don't enjoy how I feel around you and I don't want someone like you in my life. Bye. Then move on, clearly you dont enjoy being around this person if your "feuding" so to me its bat shit crazy to keep yourself around her until she apologizes to you. Grow the [bleep] up, and stop talking to her. Dont give her a [bleep]ing explanation unless she asks.

 

 

@constrictor my post was for you and The_Gabe. Espcially in gabe's case where they are going to different colleges, thats a multi year situation (probably longer then the actual relationship was) where they wont see each other. Plus by the end of college you will probably be a very different person. I've seen too many people hold on to a LDR for a year or so before coming to terms with its dead and then being upset that they wasted a year on someone it cant work with logistically when they could've be looking for people they're compatible with for that past year.

 

My advice to you and The_Gabe would be to end it. Say something along the lines of "I still love you but a LDR isn't good for either of us and we should keep in contact and see if we still feel this way when we can actually see each other again". Who knows maybe you will, maybe you wont, maybe you will but one of you landed a job in California and the other in New York and its better that you ended it when you did.

 

Guess I was a little unclear in my explanation, but that is pretty much where we have it, since at this exact moment we have not officiated the relationship, even between us. We just both know we are interested in each other and we spend time with each other, but instead of making it official and then having to hold on to as long as possible then end it we are just viewing it as a friendship that may workout as something but is just as likely to not.

[Sir_Squab]

that I am willing to end this thing if she apologizes to me.

I have not spoken a single word to her since she pissed me off directly though. I have ignored or actively blocked all means of communication par facebook, since we share school stuff on it.

I actively got involved in cockblocking her as part of the feud.

that I am willing to end this thing if she apologizes to me.

 

Instead of basically reiterating what people said, I'm gonna ask you to listen to yourself. Do you think you're making sense?

 

maybe she could think about some things in life.

 

Maybe you could as well.

[Estonian dude]

Yes, I do make sense.

 

And I am a person who holds looong grudges. And I am idiotically stubborn. I have my own creaks. I am not normal.

I am afraid growing up won't help either, some things never change.

 

And Riku, she did more after that. I do not wish to elaborate.

 

So [bleep] this, never should have written here.

[Vezon Dash]

Yes, I do make sense.

 

And I am a person who holds looong grudges. And I am idiotically stubborn. I have my own creaks. I am not normal.

I am afraid growing up won't help either, some things never change.

 

And Riku, she did more after that. I do not wish to elaborate.

 

So [bleep] this, never should have written here.

 

I'm bad about holding grudges too, but seriously. Why do you even want to be in contact with this person? If you want to hold a grudge and not like this person, why do you want them to apologize? You might be "willing" to end it, but you are probably just as "willing" to not end it. If it really bothers her, then she will tell you to knock it off (or eventually break down and kick you in the balls). If you want to end it, then just end it. She obviously doesn't care about you, and an apology will be a hollow "sorry dude" sort of thing.