"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Giordano]

It sounds nice, but the fact is you HAVE to find such a person who is WILLING to be mutual, cooperate, and behave reasonably.

 

With EVERYONE seeking to find a marriage*, a lot of people are going to PROMISE you those things but have absolutely nothing to back them up.

 

You going to risk that?

 

 

 

*Ask anybody, 98% of them consider marrying and/or starting a family with somebody

[muggiwhplar]

I'd argue that both of these are if you let the god damned women control the entire relationship. Goodness, if you guys are mutually carrying for each other and your opinions (as you should be in any relationship), then in theory, there should not be too many problems. If not then you probably shouldn't have married that person in the first place.

 

Or that's my personal opinion.

 

I do understand relationships take work, trust me, but in general, their should not be one party "over ruling" another. The wife may have a vagina, but that does not give her the power to do whatever the [bleep] she wants. Just as much as the fact that just because the husband has a penis doesn't mean he can do whatever the [bleep] he wants.

 

If the main goal is to be happy, and both parties know that they will find happiness in a marriage, then decisions within the marriage should be made on how to achieve the happiest outcome for both. Sometimes this does require some sacrifice or communication on one side or the other, but overall this should level out.

 

Read those two links in my post along with the old debates in this thread. Whether you agree with me or not, I think you'll find it quite thought-provoking :P Your arguments are countered in those posts too.

[Low Levelled]

As I'm slowly easing into this poly way of life I've realized I have one major problem. Jealousy. I'm not at the point where I'm like Omg imma kick dat brahs ass, but it is bothering me a little. Now I know I shouldn't care if she's with other guys since I'm with other girls, but I'm finding it hard to curb. I really do think poly is the way for me, especially since I've really struggled with sustaining a healthy faithful monogamous relationship in the past but I need to know muggi, is a little jealousy ok?

[Kimberly]

With EVERYONE seeking to find a marriage*, a lot of people are going to PROMISE you those things but have absolutely nothing to back them up.

 

You going to risk that?

 

That's why you don't marry anyone without living with them for an extended period of time. You don't truly know someone until you see them in their environment.

[Resistance]

I reckon I could bag a rich girl, so I was hoping to marry one and divorce her and take half her equity. I may do this a few times to maximise profits.

[Low Levelled]

I reckon I could bag a rich girl, so I was hoping to marry one and divorce her and take half her equity. I may do this a few times to maximise profits.

 

You're getting worse and worse man.

[constrictor]

Marry one who has a on-clock professional masseuse. Those are the best.

[muggiwhplar]

As I'm slowly easing into this poly way of life I've realized I have one major problem. Jealousy. I'm not at the point where I'm like Omg imma kick dat brahs ass, but it is bothering me a little. Now I know I shouldn't care if she's with other guys since I'm with other girls, but I'm finding it hard to curb. I really do think poly is the way for me, especially since I've really struggled with sustaining a healthy faithful monogamous relationship in the past but I need to know muggi, is a little jealousy ok?

 

A little jealousy's normal. Like you said, there's a difference between feeling a small churning in your stomach and then moving on with your life vs. letting the jealousy ruin your relationship(s) and happiness.

 

See also: this and this.

[obfuscator]

With EVERYONE seeking to find a marriage*, a lot of people are going to PROMISE you those things but have absolutely nothing to back them up.

 

You going to risk that?

 

That's why you don't marry anyone without living with them for an extended period of time. You don't truly know someone until you see them in their environment.

 

In theory this sounds great, except there's no statistical difference in the divorce rates of couples who pre-maritally co-habitate and those who don't.

[muggiwhplar]

With EVERYONE seeking to find a marriage*, a lot of people are going to PROMISE you those things but have absolutely nothing to back them up.

 

You going to risk that?

 

That's why you don't marry anyone without living with them for an extended period of time. You don't truly know someone until you see them in their environment.

 

In theory this sounds great, except there's no statistical difference in the divorce rates of couples who pre-maritally co-habitate and those who don't.

 

What about statistical differences in cheating and marital happiness?

[obfuscator]

dont got a link to show you but it lowers the chance of marriage as a whole

 

I've heard this as well but also don't have a source.

 

@Muggi no idea. I'd be surprised if there was a noticeable difference there as well.

[Randox]

The problem I have always had with the co-habitation theory is that, even if you end up not liking them, it doesn't matter. Live with someone for a couple years, and your finances are almost certainly going to be entangled. Perhaps you share rent, or have even bought a car or a house together. Who owns what possessions, have you been using each others money. Are there things in your life with both names attached to them. At this point, a separation is a divorce in everything but name anyway, because the situation is pretty much the same. It's a logistical nightmare, and depending on the couples and how entangled things have gotten, your still going to end up with fighting and lawyers and judges sorting this stuff out.

 

Faced with this reality, I imagine a lot of people will do their best to ignore the situation, to just get married and try to stick this out, make it work. You'll find a lot of people moving to getting married, when deep down one or both know that this isn't going to work, but they are afraid of acknowledging it because they don't want to go through the separation. They are stuck. Down the line, things come to the point where you cant ignore it anymore, and you get a divorce.

 

Probably a more ideal situation, though more expensive, is two co-habbitate while still maintaining full financial independence. Essentially, someone would be living in the others residence (or both moving back and fourth), while each pays for their share of things like food, but each person maintains the burden of their own residence, and things like cars as well (this also means a new TV say, would be paid entirely by whoever owns the house the TV is in). The idea here would be that, if things aren't working out, there is no issue with each person making that transition back to their own separate lives. The places to live are still there and maintained, and no ones finances relied or counted on money from the other party. The problem is, that if you are doing this for a couple years, it's going to stop making sense about 18 months before you hit that point, and if things are going well at first, you'll want to stop wasting money and combined your lives for cost savings. That's why this doesn't happen very much.

 

The downsides I can immediately see is that, as opposed to say never co-habbitating prior to marriage, that option to separate is still there and very easy. I would expect some number of fights that might otherwise be worked through without issue to end in separation, as well as people who separate and then get back together, who once married and can't do this, end up in divorce because that option to move out for a month stopped existing, and they can't work through it without that separation period.

[muggiwhplar]

In other news, my [kitty]whipped friend just co-signed a lease for an apartment with his girlfriend :lol: Managed to get him away from her for a bit the other night... he had a few drinks in him and reluctantly confirmed that he doesn't want to live with her in this boring town during the prime of his life. Such little thought people put into their major life decisions :wall:

[Bonez899]

SNIP

I think the last part was mentioning it, but through common-law marriage living together with someone for a certain amount of time depending upon which province is essentially the same as being married without the paper to prove it. The partner becomes a proud owner of half of what you have just for living with you.

[obfuscator]

That's not exactly accurate...they aren't technically entitled to any of your possessions just by being common-law unless they're co-owned.

[constrictor]

RPG, still feeling like you wanna get married or did the feelings subside?

[RpgGamer]

Oh I absolutely do, but it's always been in the master plan to wait for the proper partner. If I'm not married by the time I'm 30 though, I'm gonna feel really crappy about myself.

[constrictor]

Oh I absolutely do, but it's always been in the master plan to wait for the proper partner. If I'm not married by the time I'm 30 though, I'm gonna feel really crappy about myself.

 

It's literally unhealthy after that point. Haha.

[muggiwhplar]

What's unhealthy? >_>

[nine naked men]

drinking milk past its use by date

 

not a metaphor really dont do it

[Noxx]

Been back in Doha for a few days now. Been spending a lot of time with my ex. It's weird because even though it's been about a year and a half since we spent this much time together, it feels like no time has passed. Obviously we both changed a bit, but we're still pretty much the same people we were when we started dating. But here's my problem... I don't know what it is, it might be normal, but for some reason i have something stuck in my head. I keep on wondering if she's back with me because she really wants to be, or if she's back with me only because i'm the easiest/safest option. Like her safety net. No one else wanted her right now, so she runs back to me. I want to talk to her about it, but i'm really not sure how to approach something like this. I mean the past few days have been amazing with her. We've had a ton of laughs. And despite me having the chance to hook up with other girls this past week i looked past it because i want to get back with my ex. If i ever had to settle down, it would be with her. As stupid as that sounds. I just need someone with some sort of "experience" in this particular field to tell me how they handled it.

[Kalphite]

I thought you said earlier that she had changed so much over the last few years that you no longer wanted that kind of relationship with her?

[constrictor]

What's unhealthy? >_>

 

For women, assuming when you get married you plan on eventually having kids, the older they are the more taxing it is on their physical being, thus the later you get married (for women specifically) the more unhealthy it is.

[muggiwhplar]

What's unhealthy? >_>

 

For women, assuming when you get married you plan on eventually having kids, the older they are the more taxing it is on their physical being, thus the later you get married (for women specifically) the more unhealthy it is.

 

You don't need to get married to have kids.

[constrictor]

What's unhealthy? >_>

 

For women, assuming when you get married you plan on eventually having kids, the older they are the more taxing it is on their physical being, thus the later you get married (for women specifically) the more unhealthy it is.

 

You don't need to get married to have kids.

 

No, you don't; but usually those who get married tend to have a higher likelihood of having kids (them societal instincts). Logically then it would make sense to say that getting married later is more likely to be unhealthy for women.