Except you don't trust them. Because you haven't told them. Because you know they'd drop you like a sack of potatoes if they knew you'd been lying to them all that time. Sorry if you find my opinion offensive but I won't be apologising for it. I think you're treating those three women with total disrespect by not being honest with them, and I feel sorry for any person who takes relationship advice from a man who follows that philosophy towards their partners.

 

Shoot me.

I am not disregarding anything, I am just secure in my knowledge that they will very likely never find out. While they might not like it if they find out, they won't so it's not actually hurting anybody's feelings.

So it's not cheating if they don't find out? :-s I have to say, that's a fairly selfish attitude to have.

 

And they trust me, and I trust them.

Apparently their trust is misplaced.

People should be allowed to have secrets in a relationship, especially if they're secrets that don't actually impact on the relationship in any way. I understand if it's a secret that is actually having an impact on the relationship, such as if they were dealing drugs and there was a risk that the girlfriend had - but as it stands, there is nothing like that.

I trust them with most things, I trust them to go to the shops and cook food. I trust them to be in my house occasionally but I really don't think that trusting them with the other parts of my life is necessary.

You need to really need to evaluate your worldview, if you think people should share all their information with their partners. Somebody like you would have me sharing facebook account details, phone numbers, fears, allergies and all sorts of ridiculous things.

 

In response to Kaida: I think I need to rephrase. While I would say that they are FWB they are more on the border of the girlfriend/FWB thing and I really don't think it's any of their business. They are invested in me on an emotional level, and to a degree I am as well.

Well, technically they're not "just" FBs since he admitted to mutual feelings. Which means it's not very wise to keep them in the dark about this sort of thing. Not only because it's cruel, but also because like Ring said-- it eventually leads to drama. Especially if you're leading them on. It's also pretty cowardly IMO.

it eventually leads to drama. Especially if you're leading them on. It's also pretty cowardly IMO.

 

leads to drama.

 

drama.

 

Oh, how lovely. You're just proving your credentials right there with "I just don't tell them." So you're completely disregarding their feelings and their values so you can hold three relationships down at the same time. Muggi, as much as I find faults with polyamory, at least recognises that that should be common knowledge between both partners.

 

Clearly, it's a very trustworthy relationship if you haven't told them.

 

I think you're actually being rather offensive in your delivery of this, and though I shouldn't have to explain myself to somebody who is being abusive over the internet I will go ahead:

 

I am not disregarding anything, I am just secure in my knowledge that they will very likely never find out. While they might not like it if they find out, they won't so it's not actually hurting anybody's feelings.

 

And they trust me, and I trust them.

 

Interesting. In what ways do they trust you? Do they trust you to not see other women? Do you trust them to not see other men?

 

You seem like the type of person who thinks crimes are only wrong if you get caught.

they trust him... to DIE

 

ha ha sorry guys just been watching a little goldfinger and got a bit too into it. james bond man what a joker. and the little dude with the hat, classic

Hmm...I'm not sure James Bond is the best person to be taking relationship advice from. ;)

Except you don't trust them. Because you haven't told them. Because you know they'd drop you like a sack of potatoes if they knew you'd been lying to them all that time. Sorry if you find my opinion offensive but I won't be apologising for it. I think you're treating those three women with total disrespect by not being honest with them, and I feel sorry for any person who takes relationship advice from a man who follows that philosophy towards their partners.

 

Shoot me.

 

And your closet is completely clean in all of your relationships? I hardly think anyone is in a position to judge on this subject. I get very suspicious when people take a pious position. I can't say I don't agree with what Neferast does either. On the flipside, given the opportunity, I think most young men would do EXACTLY what Neferast does. He's just come clean about it. Besides, for all we know, his dates could be doing exactly the same to him. Oh well. :mellow:

Speak for yourself.

 

"I think most young men would do EXACTLY what Neferast does"--I completely disagree with that statement.

Speak for yourself.

 

"I think most young men would do EXACTLY what Neferast does"--I completely disagree with that statement.

 

I agree. I would never do that.

Speak for yourself.

 

"I think most young men would do EXACTLY what Neferast does"--I completely disagree with that statement.

 

I agree. I would never do that.

 

Seconded.

 

 

It's tiring as [bleep], I am sure as well.

Phone numbers, facebook account details, fears, and allergies are all pretty common stuff for people to share with their significant other I think, along with things like political and religious affiliation, since this is generally important information to have when trying to talk to each other, deciding where to go on a date, how to approach certain subjects, and implications on any future life together. Just seems like good information to have to me. I don't run through it like a checklist, though I'll volunteer some of the relevant information because the sooner the better, it's just stuff I normally want to know about before going to certain places or bringing up certain topics. Also, sharing personal information is a time honored method of trust building.

"I think most young men would do EXACTLY what Neferast does"--I completely disagree with that statement.

I agree. I would never do that.

Seconded.

 

Thirded (is that a word?).

 

Having experienced the feelings of hurt and betrayal it brings, I wouldn't do that to someone else. My ex-wife on the other hand... :lol:

"I think most young men would do EXACTLY what Neferast does"--I completely disagree with that statement.

I agree. I would never do that.

Seconded.

 

Thirded (is that a word?).

 

Having experienced the feelings of hurt and betrayal it brings, I wouldn't do that to someone else. My ex-wife on the other hand... :lol:

 

Yes, yes gentlemen. I believe you! 100%! Honest! Truthful! *tongue in cheek* |^_^|

This is kind of a pointless discussion

This is kind of a pointless discussion

Definitely agree. People can have such childish views, I really don't know why people have objections to these sorts of things - it's like gay marriage, there's nothing wrong with it - it's just that people seem to want to get involved and claim that everything is morally wrong because it's something that they're not fond of doing.

 

Also, I think there's a bit of a 'fox and the grapes' thing going on in this thread, with people claiming that they wouldn't have multiple partners.

I don't think people are necessarily against open relationships; they're against misleading, lying, and cheating within the context of open relationships... And rightly so.

 

Whether or not they'd allow themselves into such situations is pointless to discuss.

White lies are pretty acceptable, it's not really doing wrong if you're doing these things to keep them happy. It's in the same vein as saying that you like somebody's haircut, you may not like it but you claim to like it to appease them - this is how relationships work.

sorry dude, lying about the entire baseline of a relationship isnt comparable to anything about haircuts. also try not to drag gay marriage through the mud when you make yr dumb posts.

 

and if one of your main arguments against yr detractors is "guess you guys are just jealous ha ha" then you should probably reconsider yr stance. it just demonstrates a basic lack of empathy.

White lies are pretty acceptable, it's not really doing wrong if you're doing these things to keep them happy. It's in the same vein as saying that you like somebody's haircut, you may not like it but you claim to like it to appease them - this is how relationships work.

 

The happiness is an illusion though. It's not "real" happiness because it's based on your fears and hers.

 

If you weren't afraid of the consequences of admitting to nonexclusivity, you'd have no need to lie about it.

It's not a white lie if the other person doesn't think that way.

 

They might have big dreams and ideas of monogamy in your relationship...but if you don't talk to them you'll never know. And because you deliberately choose NOT to talk to them, I'd wager these girls wouldn't agree they're 'white lies'.

You're arguing with a troll.

You're arguing with a troll.

 

I'm not posting to change his stance; I'm posting for the people who read this thread but never post :P