Jump to content

"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios

Recommended Posts

I thought you said earlier that she had changed so much over the last few years that you no longer wanted that kind of relationship with her?

 

Well after spending time with her this last week i realised that it was actually not the case. I mean the only things that have really changed is that she's a lot more independent now, she smokes pot (even though she hated it when i used to smoke put, haha) and she drinks now (she never used to drink at all in the past). But aside from that she's actually still the same person i fell inlove with. But the only issue now is the following: When she was living in Cali she dated a few guys. From what she's told me, and from what her friends have told me, each and every one of them ended up hurting her really bad. The only person she has ever dated that never hurt her or left her was me. Even after we "broke up" we still remained good friends. I still see her as my best friend to this day. But now that we're back in the same place, around each other, she's confused. Because even though i should hate her for things she's done, i don't. I'm still here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's wrong with being a safety net? Kinda guarantees that in the end, she'll always come back to you doesn't it?

Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's wrong with being a safety net? Kinda guarantees that in the end, she'll always come back to you doesn't it?

 

Til another guy is an even safer net. Haha.

 

Honestly, the fact that you consider yourself a safety net means you're mot in the right place to be with her. It kind of comes across as not beig confident, maybe I'm wrong, but you should consider yourself her best option (not to be overly secure and ignore her ques however) and role with it from there. If that makes any sense.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  1. Girl doesn't normally consume alcohol and drugs
  2. Girl enters successive string of bad relationships ("every one of them ended up hurting her really bad")
  3. Girl has started taking pot and drinking to excess

It's understandable that someone in that situation would find their personal life very stressful, but from an outside view looking in, it doesn't appear that she's coping very well with that stress. On the other hand she seems to find it much easier relaxing and being herself around you, which is a positive thing. I'd be asking two questions if I were you.

 

Firstly, how much of this "good feeling" is actually a flashback of when you were going out? Be very careful not to confuse what's happening now with emotions you felt back then, even if it seems to be following the same pattern, because it isn't the same as back then and things have changed.

 

Secondly, just as you would with anyone you meet in life, try and work out why she seems to have singled out you specifically. Does she just need comfort? Is she looking for someone to give her ego a boost because after lots of failed relationships, she's perhaps lacking self-esteem? Has she gone back in time looking for the last boyfriend who made her feel good?

 

When answering those questions, really try and focus on things which you know actually exist, rather than things you might think or feel exist.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Been chatting to this guy for the past few days now. cute, sex-driven and has A LOT of common interests with me. We hung out a few days ago just chatting since usually when we both meet a guy we end up jumping into the bedroom and its over. Actually talked meaningfully etc. he's coming over thurs night because he lives with a homophobic dad, and I said I'd give him a relaxing break, plus take him w/ me to the house party friday night.

 

anyway, long story short, I think he really likes me. :3

 

and most likely sexual encounter. >:3

Popoto.~<3

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Smelly Paws

What's wrong with being a safety net? Kinda guarantees that in the end, she'll always come back to you doesn't it?

 

Til another guy is an even safer net. Haha.

 

Honestly, the fact that you consider yourself a safety net means you're mot in the right place to be with her. It kind of comes across as not beig confident, maybe I'm wrong, but you should consider yourself her best option (not to be overly secure and ignore her ques however) and role with it from there. If that makes any sense.

 

Isn't a safety net like the last chicken in the shop thing where you'll do because theres nothing better out there?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's wrong with being a safety net? Kinda guarantees that in the end, she'll always come back to you doesn't it?

 

Til another guy is an even safer net. Haha.

 

Honestly, the fact that you consider yourself a safety net means you're mot in the right place to be with her. It kind of comes across as not beig confident, maybe I'm wrong, but you should consider yourself her best option (not to be overly secure and ignore her ques however) and role with it from there. If that makes any sense.

 

Isn't a safety net like the last chicken in the shop thing where you'll do because theres nothing better out there?

 

Usually yes, which is what I was trying to inform him of - they key to either evolving the situation from that is to either leave situation entirely or be confident that he will be better than prior experiences as well as better then any other guy she would consider being interested in, so as to remove himself from the safety net area, into the "quite interested regardless area."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's unhealthy? >_>

 

For women, assuming when you get married you plan on eventually having kids, the older they are the more taxing it is on their physical being, thus the later you get married (for women specifically) the more unhealthy it is.

 

You don't need to get married to have kids.

 

No, you don't; but usually those who get married tend to have a higher likelihood of having kids (them societal instincts). Logically then it would make sense to say that getting married later is more likely to be unhealthy for women.

Or maybe those who want to have kids are more likely to get married.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's unhealthy? >_>

 

For women, assuming when you get married you plan on eventually having kids, the older they are the more taxing it is on their physical being, thus the later you get married (for women specifically) the more unhealthy it is.

 

You don't need to get married to have kids.

 

No, you don't; but usually those who get married tend to have a higher likelihood of having kids (them societal instincts). Logically then it would make sense to say that getting married later is more likely to be unhealthy for women.

Or maybe those who want to have kids are more likely to get married.

 

That makes no difference to the fact of actually getting married/having kids. :P

 

If you have kids later it is proven to be deteriorating of your health (assuming you are a female). Thus if marriage is more likely to produce kids (or those who have kids are more likely to get married - doesn't matter which way you say it), which it is, then that means marriage would be unwise in older age (i.e. mid-30's) unless you explicitly are going to try to not have kids.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From an evolutionary standpoint that makes sense. But in the real world, having kids in your 20s is insane unless you've got an overabundance of wealth and free time to take care of a child... and most people have neither of those in their 20s. In other words, it's not "worth it" to have kids at a young age just because it may seem "healthier."

 

But if you insisted for whatever reason, the solution to your predicament would be to marry a guy who's already financially independent with plenty of time on his hands. He'd probably be in his 40s. :P

77yLQy8.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's unhealthy? >_>

 

For women, assuming when you get married you plan on eventually having kids, the older they are the more taxing it is on their physical being, thus the later you get married (for women specifically) the more unhealthy it is.

 

You don't need to get married to have kids.

 

No, you don't; but usually those who get married tend to have a higher likelihood of having kids (them societal instincts). Logically then it would make sense to say that getting married later is more likely to be unhealthy for women.

Or maybe those who want to have kids are more likely to get married.

 

That makes no difference to the fact of actually getting married/having kids. :P

 

If you have kids later it is proven to be deteriorating of your health (assuming you are a female). Thus if marriage is more likely to produce kids (or those who have kids are more likely to get married - doesn't matter which way you say it), which it is, then that means marriage would be unwise in older age (i.e. mid-30's) unless you explicitly are going to try to not have kids.

 

Since when is mid 30s considered an older age when it comes to having kids?

sig2-3.jpg

 

Three months banishment to 9gag is something i would never wish upon anybody, not even my worst enemy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They say after the age of 35, your child's chances at mental/physical deformities rise.

 

Why? I don't know. It's one of those "scientists says" things that no one knows where it came from but everybody assumes its true.

"The cry of the poor is not always just, but if you never hear it you'll never know what justice is."

siggy3s.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They say after the age of 35, your child's chances at mental/physical deformities rise.

 

Why? I don't know. It's one of those "scientists says" things that no one knows where it came from but everybody assumes its true.

 

I wasn't even referencing to the children's health. Havig children in your mid-30's can result in very slow recoveries with possible back problems and other such things later on in your 40/50s. And i'm sure tere are even more physical things that influence the mother more strongly in older age. The hormone levels I'm sure are unbelievably slewed for that age during pregnancy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's pretty well known scientifically that pregnancy becomes more and more difficult on the body the older the woman is. Rates of down syndrome and other developmental disorders, for instance, are much higher in mothers over 40.

 

http://www.babycenter.com/404_what-are-the-risks-of-having-a-baby-if-im-35-or-older_3127.bc

  • Like 2

polvCwJ.gif
"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's a theory around genetics and telomeres losing their effectiveness at preventing DNA deterioration more as the body ages but I haven't found anything even bordering on evidence for that (Downs Syndrome obviously being an example of genetic disease).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Case study: my mom had me when she was 42 and I'm pretty awesome! :P

 

Insert inappropriate joke about you having down's syndrome here

  • Like 2

polvCwJ.gif
"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had such a strange conversation the other night. She told me some stuff that happened the past year and a half. Basically, she told me about one of her exboyfriends. She told me that she was totally inlove with the guy, but he has a really weird personality. She said that when they were together things were great, but if she went a day or two without seeing him, it's like he would totally forget about her. She said "he was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me." Then later on she said something like "i'll probably never get over him and that's just something you'll have to accept if you want to be with me." I'm not sure what to do with this, because she also told me "We were meant to be from the start. If you don't know that by now or haven't realized that by now, you never will." I'm really confused by these three statements. Not sure what to do with that at all. I mean.... at the moment things are going great between us. Better than ever i would say. We're having a lot more fun together than we used to. We drink together, smoke together, it's really awesome. But sometimes when i look at her, i get the feeling her mind is still somewhere else.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had such a strange conversation the other night. She told me some stuff that happened the past year and a half. Basically, she told me about one of her exboyfriends. She told me that she was totally inlove with the guy, but he has a really weird personality. She said that when they were together things were great, but if she went a day or two without seeing him, it's like he would totally forget about her. She said "he was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me." Then later on she said something like "i'll probably never get over him and that's just something you'll have to accept if you want to be with me." I'm not sure what to do with this, because she also told me "We were meant to be from the start. If you don't know that by now or haven't realized that by now, you never will." I'm really confused by these three statements. Not sure what to do with that at all. I mean.... at the moment things are going great between us. Better than ever i would say. We're having a lot more fun together than we used to. We drink together, smoke together, it's really awesome. But sometimes when i look at her, i get the feeling her mind is still somewhere else.

 

You're applying logic to a statement based on time-reliant feeling based concept. In other words, you won't understand it until you experience it for yourself. My piece of advise: don't experience it for yourself. It's even more confusing to live through than it is to observe.

 

let me put something into perspective though: my ex told her (then boyfriend) fiance that she would never get over me when they first met, and that I'd always have part of her. He had to accept that to be in the relationship. He did, and now theyre getting married. Lucky for him, I avoid her most of the time, but I know as well as she does I could swoop in and muck things up between them anytime I wanted. I almost accidentally did it a few months ago when I told my ex about the new girl I was dating (yes, the other crazy one).

 

So, your job is to be as steady and understanding as you can. Just be supportive of her, and don't challenge her feelings toward the other guy. Let her come to her own conclusions. You are however allowed to express that you would leave her if you felt sincerely threatened by the other guy at any time.

Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The problem is, i am too deep to run away. I have been from the start. I said a lot of things (i'm not attracted to her anymore, i don't love her that way anymore, etc) but when i saw her again, and started spending time with her again, i realised that i was probably just lying to myself. The two of us are still very much in love. Her parents love the shit out of me because i take so good care of her. When she's with me, she doesn't screw up and do stupid shit. She behaves a lot better and controls herself a lot better when she's with me. Her friends, who used to hate me, now love me because they see a change in her when she's with me. I mean, she's still herself, but different. It's hard to run away now. Also, i know that if i were to tell her to move to the US with me when i go back in a few months, she would do so without even thinking twice. She would move back with me. She's been broken up with this other guy for a long time now (i guess like 6 months to a year. She's not have a real relationship since then so it's true that she might not know exactly what she wants right now. So i guess RPG might be right that i should just take my time. I mean chances that she and this guy will ever be in the same room again (unless they plan to be so) they never will be. And i think when it comes down to me or him, she'd choose me simply because she knows i'd never leave her? It was still just a scary thought.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

if she moves to the US with you, it's sealed. You're in for good. Other guy can't do shit.

Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah but having her move back with me is a very, VERY big step. One i still need to give A LOT of thought. I've never lived with a girl, and i have never lived with a girl who is my girlfriend. I have a lot of strange habits and routines that's going to be weird doing in front of someone at first. Having some alone time is going to be tough too. I mean, essentially living with a significant other is basically a marriage without the papers. It's going to be super weird. But i also feel like having her around would be the motivation i need to get done with my course soon as i can so i can "start my future". It's all a lot to think about and all very scary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Growing up and having to deal with real responsibilities is one of my biggest fears in life. I actually had a conversation about that with my dad two days ago. Told him that subconsciously i think that is the reason ive been taking so long to complete my course. I'm scared of growing up and having to deal with real life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Growing up and having to deal with real responsibilities is one of my biggest fears in life. I actually had a conversation about that with my dad two days ago. Told him that subconsciously i think that is the reason ive been taking so long to complete my course. I'm scared of growing up and having to deal with real life.

 

Trust me it's worse when it's just forced upon you.

 

Just make sure you love what you do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.