"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Sir_Squab]

White lies are pretty acceptable, it's not really doing wrong if you're doing these things to keep them happy. It's in the same vein as saying that you like somebody's haircut, you may not like it but you claim to like it to appease them - this is how relationships work.

 

The happiness is an illusion though. It's not "real" happiness because it's based on your fears and hers.

 

If you weren't afraid of the consequences of admitting to nonexclusivity, you'd have no need to lie about it.

 

I completely agree with this.

 

Also, I feel like Neferast would be a good example to use in favor of polyamoury. I had a discussion with a friend about it once, and I pointed out how if you'd cheat in a monogamous relationship you should do poly. Despite her strong objections to polyamoury (simply because poly is not for her) she agreed with that point.

[Omar]

I don't think the same can be said of everyone participating muggi. But keep going if you (plural) like, just saying he doesn't have several girlfriends, the more you hate it, the stronger it gets, etc.

[nine naked men]

i mean its sad either way its just in one of the ways i get to call someone dumb.

 

e- i just really want to establish that i DID NOT GET "TROLLED" OKAY that would tank my street cred

[muggiwhplar]

I don't think the same can be said of everyone participating muggi. But keep going if you (plural) like, just saying he doesn't have several girlfriends, the more you hate it, the stronger it gets, etc.

 

If he makes an interesting argument that people can learn from, I think whether or not he's trolling is irrelevant. Also in case you haven't noticed, my posts are as brief and concise as possible these days so it's no big deal if they were a waste :P

[Omar]

OK muggi, I am emphatically not talking about you. Happy? :lol:

[constrictor]

This is kind of a pointless discussion

Definitely agree. People can have such childish views, I really don't know why people have objections to these sorts of things - it's like gay marriage, there's nothing wrong with it - it's just that people seem to want to get involved and claim that everything is morally wrong because it's something that they're not fond of doing.

 

Also, I think there's a bit of a 'fox and the grapes' thing going on in this thread, with people claiming that they wouldn't have multiple partners.

 

Literally lol'd at how terrible of an argument this is.

At least Muggiw is consistent about his arguments and not a [bleep] head about being/leaning towards poly.

 

The comparison/contrast with gay marriage was both irrelevant, and not even really comparable in the first place.

 

If all your friends tell to you white lies about everything you ask their opinion of (because according to you those kind of people are ok), I feel very sorry for you.

 

The same is for a relationship, especially for a relationship. Communication and trust are imperative to a relationship working, bang every girl you want, I could careless, but own up to it and atop cowering behind some "what they don't know won't hurt them" bullocks.

[nine naked men]

the post so nice he makes it twice

[obfuscator]

Also, the phrase is "I couldn't care less", not "I could careless".

[constrictor]

the post so nice he makes it twice

 

Phone complications, apologies.

[Low Levelled]

Well she showed her first sign of crazy today. I was out golfing with friends and didn't text her back for 5-6 hours, and she called several times and left a couple voicemails. After I'd explained it all to her she was very apologetic which was even more annoying..

[The_Gabe]

Well she showed her first sign of crazy today. I was out golfing with friends and didn't text her back for 5-6 hours, and she called several times and left a couple voicemails. After I'd explained it all to her she was very apologetic which was even more annoying..

 

Keep in mind you know she has anxious tendencies now. That doesn't necessarily have to be a deal breaker if you dont allow her anxiousness to negatively affect you.

 

I would suggest doing what I suggested previously. Tell her not to worry and that she is secure with her place with you [if she is] and tell her that you would prefer it she keeps her freak outs (however they are expressed whether its phone spam or passive agression to you if she feels insecure about other women) to herself. Also hopefully you realize you will not stop them.

 

Anxiety gets better as time goes. I had horrible anxiety when my relationship started. It's gotten a lot better. Just give it time.

[muggiwhplar]

Not always; many guys will get needier as time goes on, which leads to the girl dumping him

[RpgGamer]

I just spent a night with my pregnant friend and then buried my other friend. Spent today hanging out with pregnant friend's infant nephew. I'm old. Life is short.

 

I think I'm done with chasing crazy. I can't waste my life and feelings on it anymore. I want a family. A home. A career. And chasing crazy isn't getting me any of those. If anything, it's pushing them further.

[muggiwhplar]

I just spent a night with my pregnant friend and then buried my other friend. Spent today hanging out with pregnant friend's infant nephew. I'm old. Life is short.

 

I think I'm done with chasing crazy. I can't waste my life and feelings on it anymore. I want a family. A home. A career. And chasing crazy isn't getting me any of those. If anything, it's pushing them further.

 

You're basically bouncing from one extreme of the spectrum (constant partying; no relationship commitments; freedom) to the complete opposite extreme (no more partying; marriage; little freedom)

 

Again, you need to put more thought into these massive decisions and ask yourself why you want that and how it's going to work, instead of just doing it because that's what you want right meow. Otherwise you'll probably wake up one morning and have a similar realization as this one; except this time you won't be able to change anything because you'll be tied down by all of your responsibilities.

[Low Levelled]

Holy crap I didn't see that coming from you RPG

[obfuscator]

Holy crap I didn't see that coming from you RPG

 

I did, he says stuff like that every week, and then does the opposite the week after

[Low Levelled]

#hyperbole

[obfuscator]

#hyperbole

 

I think the word you're looking for is sarcasm

[constrictor]

I just spent a night with my pregnant friend and then buried my other friend. Spent today hanging out with pregnant friend's infant nephew. I'm old. Life is short.

 

I think I'm done with chasing crazy. I can't waste my life and feelings on it anymore. I want a family. A home. A career. And chasing crazy isn't getting me any of those. If anything, it's pushing them further.

 

I literally lol'd.

 

As little as I know you RPG, I know enough to say this is a bad decision, over time possibly good, extremely, not even remotely wise.

 

 

@Muggiw, I would counter argue that marriage isn't freeing. There are many positive things to marriage that are freeing, especially if you do it well.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Does "chasing crazy" actually make you happy? I can understand wanting to avoid boredom, or even avoid being conventional, but it's clearly not making you happier, it just taken you from one stress and replaced it with several more stressors.

 

I don't understand why you'd choose that lifestyle if it's not making you happier, or at the very least, less "down".

[muggiwhplar]

@Muggiw, I would counter argue that marriage isn't freeing. There are many positive things to marriage that are freeing, especially if you do it well.

 

Such as?

[RpgGamer]

 

 

As little as I know you RPG, I know enough to say this is a bad decision, over time possibly good, extremely, not even remotely wise.

 

You didn't grammar that so goodly.

 

I mean, yeah I bounce between extremes, but you have to push the envelope if you want to find equilibrium. I don't believe I flip between extremes like a switch very often, nor do I do it so intensely. Maybe I'll chase after another wild girl, but I sure as hell won't pass the chance to have a serious relationship with a normal girl because of it.

 

"chasing crazy" makes me short-term happy. I'm happy while it's fun. Sometimes that's a few weeks, sometimes a few months, sometimes a couple of minutes. But seeing all my friends begin their careers, have kids, and even die...I think it's time I stop holding my dick in my hand and actually do something that'll make me happy in the long run. "Chasing crazy" has always been justified to me as a means to an end. The journey before the finale. The stories I can tell my grandkids, and other naive types as I once was (and still am, I'm not claiming to have some sort of mystic wisdom). My endgame has always been to get married to a beautiful, loving woman; have a few kids, and raise them up to be upstanding people. That's what I see as happiness. Being able to hold your grandchild. That's happiness.

[constrictor]

As little as I know you RPG, I know enough to say this is a bad decision, over time possibly good, extremely, not even remotely wise.

 

You didn't grammar that so goodly.

 

I mean, yeah I bounce between extremes, but you have to push the envelope if you want to find equilibrium. I don't believe I flip between extremes like a switch very often, nor do I do it so intensely. Maybe I'll chase after another wild girl, but I sure as hell won't pass the chance to have a serious relationship with a normal girl because of it.

 

"chasing crazy" makes me short-term happy. I'm happy while it's fun. Sometimes that's a few weeks, sometimes a few months, sometimes a couple of minutes. But seeing all my friends begin their careers, have kids, and even die...I think it's time I stop holding my dick in my hand and actually do something that'll make me happy in the long run. "Chasing crazy" has always been justified to me as a means to an end. The journey before the finale. The stories I can tell my grandkids, and other naive types as I once was (and still am, I'm not claiming to have some sort of mystic wisdom). My endgame has always been to get married to a beautiful, loving woman; have a few kids, and raise them up to be upstanding people. That's what I see as happiness. Being able to hold your grandchild. That's happiness.

 

:wall: I regret everything.

Haha.

 

I'd say give it a year, RPG, and then see if you still think that way, if so, then I'd say it's a good decision.

 

 

@Muggiw, I would counter argue that marriage isn't freeing. There are many positive things to marriage that are freeing, especially if you do it well.

 

Such as?

 

Such as always (resonably) having someone to invest in/do things with. Maybe this is naivety on my part (being young as I am) but it opens so many doors, and honestly, the only door it really closes (though not for all, depending on the relationship, I guess) is having sex with/overly focusing on an different partner.

And honestly, as long as the relationship you are in is fulfilling both of those (not condoning focusing primarily on those aspects, but that they are essential to a healthy marriage) then there's really no "lose" in getting married.

Unless he/she's a [bleep], of course. But that would be at fault due to failure to think things through, not the marriage itself.

[muggiwhplar]

Maybe this is naivety on my part (being young as I am)

 

Yup :lol:

 

but it opens so many doors,

 

Such as?

 

and honestly, the only door it really closes (though not for all, depending on the relationship, I guess) is having sex with/overly focusing on an different partner.

 

Wrong-- the doors it closes are far beyond just sex. You basically have to consult your wife before you're allowed to do anything "important"; and if she disapproves or disagrees, tough shit.

 

And honestly, as long as the relationship you are in is fulfilling both of those (not condoning focusing primarily on those aspects, but that they are essential to a healthy marriage) then there's really no "lose" in getting married.

Unless he/she's a [bleep], of course. But that would be at fault due to failure to think things through, not the marriage itself.

 

Marriage itself changes the relationship dynamic-- it basically shifts the balance of power completely in her favor, considering if you piss her off enough (or bore her enough) she'll divorce you and be rewarded for it at your expense.

 

 

I don't think you've been around here long enough to see me arguing against traditional monogamy/marriage. I'm not really interested in restating my case for the nth time, so if you really want to see why marriage is a bad idea for most people, reread my old posts in this thread where I go back and forth with obfuscator, Kimberly, et al., starting from like Feb '12. Or read this and this.

[constrictor]

and honestly, the only door it really closes (though not for all, depending on the relationship, I guess) is having sex with/overly focusing on an different partner.

 

Wrong-- the doors it closes are far beyond just sex. You basically have to consult your wife before you're allowed to do anything "important"; and if she disapproves or disagrees, tough shit.

 

And honestly, as long as the relationship you are in is fulfilling both of those (not condoning focusing primarily on those aspects, but that they are essential to a healthy marriage) then there's really no "lose" in getting married.

Unless he/she's a [bleep], of course. But that would be at fault due to failure to think things through, not the marriage itself.

 

Marriage itself changes the relationship dynamic-- it basically shifts the balance of power completely in her favor, considering if you piss her off enough (or bore her enough) she'll divorce you and be rewarded for it at your expense.

 

 

I'd argue that both of these are if you let the god damned women control the entire relationship. Goodness, if you guys are mutually carrying for each other and your opinions (as you should be in any relationship), then in theory, there should not be too many problems. If not then you probably shouldn't have married that person in the first place.

 

Or that's my personal opinion.

 

I do understand relationships take work, trust me, but in general, their should not be one party "over ruling" another. The wife may have a vagina, but that does not give her the power to do whatever the [bleep] she wants. Just as much as the fact that just because the husband has a penis doesn't mean he can do whatever the [bleep] he wants.

 

If the main goal is to be happy, and both parties know that they will find happiness in a marriage, then decisions within the marriage should be made on how to achieve the happiest outcome for both. Sometimes this does require some sacrifice or communication on one side or the other, but overall this should level out.