"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Lenticular_J]

Or keep knee pads in your car and hand them to her when she gets in. Wink. When she acts disgusted, remind her that you're going rollerblading.

 

Wow.

[helpmeownlife]

Wow, I can't believe I'm back already. But, srs bsns tiem and you guys could figure it out better than I could.

 

So, I asked the girl I was talking about (^) out and now we're exclusive. The thing is, I feel the opposite of what I'm guessing I should. I'm not like "WOO YEAH GF" or anything, I actually feel like I did a couple years ago when I went through a long period of, get this, depression. Inorite?

 

I have no idea why. It could have something with how socially awkward I felt at the party [we were at] beforehand, or the fact that we've dated before...for about a day, after I'd chased her for so long, and she decided that she didn't love me at all. Or, something else I've considered that's so lulzy: my subconscious has never actually had a successful start (or end) to a relationship, so it's just reverting to these types of feelings already in order to be prepared for the let down.

 

Honestly, I don't [bleep]ing know or how this suddenly started, but it's [cabbage] (censor multiplier x2!). I really was into this girl (she's my best friend, yeah, I know, I've violated at least 5 unwritten rules in the past 7 lines), and now I don't even feel right, at all...

[Omar]

I don't think that's precise enough for us to give you anything even close to advise. You get a high-five for the jokes though. :P

[RpgGamer]

ex-ish's friend

 

:?

 

heh?

 

oh, and I loved the rollerblading knee pad bit, lol. Not something i'd say, so I won't steal it, but funny nonetheless.

 

@helpme

 

I can only assume that you feel that way because you're not used to being in a committed relationship, and you're not sure what to expect. But I don't know you as well as you know yourself. I'm sure those negative feelings will disappear as the relationship prgresses. And if they don't start to fade...you might want to consider altering your relationship status.

[Omar]

ex-ish's friend

 

:?

 

heh?

 

I know, it's confusing. Let's call my ex(ish) A and her friend F.

I met A at a party, she was sort of onto a few guys, one of which was Harr. I was sober and, formally speaking, in a relationship at the time, but I was going to end it two days later. We didn't do anything risqué.

I went on a date with A once my previous relationship was over, then I met her friend F.

We hung out several times, and I lost attraction for A finding out she had self-esteem, alcohol and weed problems. So I told her we were on a break until she had those sorted out. The drugs are gone, but her self-esteem is still low to this day. I might have to talk to her about that.

Then I started hanging with F more and more, chemistry, attraction, etc, turns out the feelings were mutual, so I did everything right.

And now she moved to Australia. To employ a dramatic turn of phrase, I've been star-crossed; there's nothing constructive I can take away from this, only the idea that no matter how good you do, sometimes it rains. And when it rains, it pours. :thumbdown:

[Blake]

I don't know if I really need advice for this, or if i'm just too much of a [kitty], haha.

 

Me and this girl were friends for about 7 months, and I never thought it would be more than that. I knew she liked me, so I just said "what the hell" and asked her out, she said yes. Now, it's been a little over a year. I want it to just go back to friends, how it was. The problem is she's not girly enough for me. She is the tractor and appliance repairman at Ace Hardware. She hangs out with these hillbillies that swim naked in the river, and she boxes with them. She never dresses up, just always wears gym shorts and a T shirt from the rodeo or something. Doesn't brush her hair or do anything with it for that matter. If there's a problem with my car, she will fix it. If she sees a racoon out her window, she will take her 30.06, shoot it from her 2nd story window, and skin it. She is also very loud and obnoxious, which I am not. She's a great friend, (not from the sounds of this post though haha). The problem is that she is madly in love with me, and her dad 'loves' me too. If I'm ever with my friends, she will be there too because we have the same group of friends, and so if I have a bad break up it would be hard to be around all my friends or awkward.

I just got back this week from a 3 week vacation to Europe, where I got very close to 4 friends (3 girls 1 guy). There are tons of pictures of me with them, and she was concerned that I liked one of the girls, and we talked about it a couple days ago. I know that if I break up with her now, she will think I am leaving her for one of them, which is NOT the case. In a few days, she is leaving to go to California for a couple weeks, so I think I should do it before then. Just don't want her to have a grudge or think I'm leaving her for someone else.

 

Any advice?

[Romy]

Well, there's nothing you can do about her suspiciousness.

 

If you really are not leaving her for any other girl, she'll see that eventually.

[Amaranth_GTO]

Yeah you can't help it, after a breakup they usually dont believe your reasons for doing it. But eventually when she notices you haven't been with any other girls that you were telling the truth. Anyway, hopefully things will work out

[Blake]

Thanks a lot :) So, how exactly should I start the conversation or word it? Never broke up with anyone before. I've been friend-zoned before, and I hate doing it to someone else :(

[helpmeownlife]

You could always use the failsafe "I no longer have any feelings for you at all and I want to end this." You may think that's the stupidest idea you've ever heard, but there is no way any girl could ever argue with that. If she persists, then explain the underlying reasons.

[Omar]

Expect to be asked why you're breaking up, in a more precise way than ^. I guess it's up to you to decide whether or not it would be okay to tell her why she's not the right girl for you.

[RpgGamer]

eh, breaking up with pepole sucks. For both parties. Although I must say, I prefer to be the breaker.

[Serpent Eye]

I don't know if I really need advice for this, or if i'm just too much of a [kitty], haha.

 

Me and this girl were friends for about 7 months, and I never thought it would be more than that. I knew she liked me, so I just said "what the hell" and asked her out, she said yes. Now, it's been a little over a year. I want it to just go back to friends, how it was. The problem is she's not girly enough for me. She is the tractor and appliance repairman at Ace Hardware. She hangs out with these hillbillies that swim naked in the river, and she boxes with them. She never dresses up, just always wears gym shorts and a T shirt from the rodeo or something. Doesn't brush her hair or do anything with it for that matter. If there's a problem with my car, she will fix it. If she sees a racoon out her window, she will take her 30.06, shoot it from her 2nd story window, and skin it. She is also very loud and obnoxious, which I am not. She's a great friend, (not from the sounds of this post though haha). The problem is that she is madly in love with me, and her dad 'loves' me too. If I'm ever with my friends, she will be there too because we have the same group of friends, and so if I have a bad break up it would be hard to be around all my friends or awkward.

I just got back this week from a 3 week vacation to Europe, where I got very close to 4 friends (3 girls 1 guy). There are tons of pictures of me with them, and she was concerned that I liked one of the girls, and we talked about it a couple days ago. I know that if I break up with her now, she will think I am leaving her for one of them, which is NOT the case. In a few days, she is leaving to go to California for a couple weeks, so I think I should do it before then. Just don't want her to have a grudge or think I'm leaving her for someone else.

 

Any advice?

 

I think bringing this up for discussion, or even breaking up, with her before her vacation to California would somewhat... ruin the entire trip for her. :???:

[Furah]

I agree with Serpy here.

[Blake]

That's what I was thinking too. But, my parents and a friend said that I should do it before so she could get her mind off it and get over it. I was still thinking after, though.

[Dax]

Definitely after.

[Omar]

Whatever comes after the breakup will be ruined. You have a 50% chance of getting it right, so do whichever you think is best and cross your fingers.

[Iamdan]

Might as well expand on

[hide=]

Somebody asked me to write a bit on flirting, which suited me great because I was bored as hell at the time.

 

You can build attraction through a few ways. The way you dress, your body language and tone, DHVs through stories, your social status and flirting/teasing.

 

Flirting and teasing makes people feel like they've known each other for a while, even if you start doing it straight away. It disqualifies you so she won't think you are hitting on her and put up her [bleep] shield, it lets her qualify herself and work towards seeing your more serious side, and it sets a playful and fun tone. People really only tease those who have the same/lower value, so it tells her that she doesn't have a higher value than you.

 

You joke and tease your friends because you all respect each other, if what you're busting her balls on might be a soft spot then make sure you've already shown you respect that aspect of her. If you overdo it or don't show respect first when you should have, take a step back. Maybe say something like 'where I grew up we all teased each other to show affection, I was just playing. Let's start over.' You can also start asking logical low compliance questions to build it back up again. Stuff like her name, what she likes to do etc. Ask her things she isn't going to ignore and probably has default answers to, to get back into normal conversation.

 

Start off with light stuff that's low compliance, later on you can move onto bigger role plays with more sexual themes. How fast you can progress depends on how good you are at it, and on the situation. If the situation is right I'll just walk up to a group of girls and start organizing about a four-some.

 

If you're reading this, chances are you've seen me emphasize role playing over and over because it works so well it's like a cheat code. Since I can never emphasize that point enough, role play - do it. Especially if you role play sex, because it's just fun so she will just go along with it, but it will get her thinking about sex with you and make her more comfortable with the idea of being physical.

 

Flirting and teasing should be natural or it's weird. If you say something on a specific topic in the wrong situation then it's more about you being a legitimate [bleep] and she will just reject you to keep her self esteem. Everything should be in context somehow.

 

Because it needs to be natural, writing a guide for it doesn't really work. Instead I'll just give examples of what I do. Remember that your flirting should be consistent with her idea on who you are. You don't see james bond point at a girls chest and flick her nose when she looks down do you?

 

I will playfully:

Exasperate in a crowded area loudly "no I will not make out with you" (It's from a movie, can't remember which though)

Act really impatient when she's getting ready to go out, even if it's obviously a normal amount of time.

Make something that is clearly my fault, look like her fault via some ridiculous means.

Tell her to make me a sandwich/get me a beer.

Play [bleep] marry kill

Tell her that we should find her a boyfriend, someone who will send her flowers and hold her purse for her at ikea. I'll point out the dorkiest looking guy in the area, and sometimes introduce her to him 'because she thinks you're hot but she's really shy' and then walk away and let them talk.

Switch stereotypes, for example act like she's trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me. I'll warn her that I brought my rape whistle and mace.

If we're talking and her friend comes up, act like she just said something mean about her. for example look back and forth between them and say 'nah I don't think she smells, that's mean. It's ok I think you smell nice.' and give the first girl a dirty look.

Offer her a helmet and crayons so she can sit in the corner with the other [developmentally delayed]s and not hurt herself if she does something stupid.

Play on stereotypes. If she lives on a farm talk about how she must churn butter all day and she can't stay out too late because she has to get up early to feed the pigs.

If we're around a stranger, or about to be served by a checkout operator/bartender etc I'll pretend to have the end of an embarrassing conversation with her. "Yeah I'm not really into fetishes but I guess we can try that if you really want. I don't know how we're going to get bagpipes though. *looks up* "Oh sorry, two tickets to x please."

Act really selfish and ask for ridiculous favors to the point where it's obviously a parody.

Act really cold and hateful to the point where it's obviously a parody.

Tell her I'm really high maintainence and I require too much attention, or act like she's really high maintainence.

Spank her if she bends over, or say 'while you're down there...'

Eat food seductively but exaggerate it to the point where it's a parody.

Role play a sex fantasy.

 

I put the lighter ones you can do early towards the beginning, but they aren't in a strict order. I'm sure you can figure out which is and isn't appropriate for where you stand with her. Hopefully that's enough to go on.

[/hide] because I was supposed to go to the coast but got dogged and I have nothing to do for a couple hours.

 

There is a huge part of flirting but I haven't really posted much about it. I call it push pull, romy posted about it and called it something else, and it's important.

 

Two steps forward and one step back. You want to do the exact opposite of 'spilling your feelings,' which I have seen so many people do in this thread and post back with bad results. Yet people still do it.

 

If she does something you find attractive, let her know it, but don't overdo it. Negate it a little, to keep her wanting more.

 

"That was pretty good, you get 10 points" or "You have a nice smile, too bad you're such a dork."

 

I guess the bluntest way of putting it would be to compliment, but then take half of it back.

 

You can do the same thing with your body language.

 

Also, I think I might be falling for someone. As in feelings I haven't had for a few years.

[Blake]

 

 

Also, I think I might be falling for someone. As in feelings I haven't had for a few years.

 

Well, I think you'll do fine if you want to go for it, you seem very adept at this stuff

[Lenticular_J]

Also, I think I might be falling for someone. As in feelings I haven't had for a few years.

I'm starting to take an interest in a girl that's been just as jaded as I have been. She was a seductress, only more along the lines of a tease.

 

It's a very fun game.

[Omar]

 

 

Also, I think I might be falling for someone. As in feelings I haven't had for a few years.

 

Well, I think you'll do fine if you want to go for it, you seem very adept at this stuff

 

Handling a relationship and getting a hookup are two very, very different things. That being said, I'm sure he can do both, I'm just saying.

[RpgGamer]

Definitely after.

 

 

I fourth the motion for breaking up afterward. That way you can claim that you've felt distant from her seeing as how you yourself just came back from a long vacation. let her enjoy her vacation, and then break up with her when she gets back.

[Iamdan]

Also, I think I might be falling for someone. As in feelings I haven't had for a few years.

I'm starting to take an interest in a girl that's been just as jaded as I have been. She was a seductress, only more along the lines of a tease.

 

It's a very fun game.

 

Yeah this was the one who I had a short thing with 5 years ago, and I got friend zoned after but we still flirted a lot. I stopped talking to her for like a year, and then the mind games started. It was fun. We've been [bleep]ing for a while now but it might end up getting more serious. I mean I usually get sick of girls I've been with pretty quickly, but it's been 5-6 years.

 

Still being careful though, especially when she was involved in the original love triangle that [bleep]ed me up.

 

[hide=][/hide]

[Blake]

Well, I guess it's settled for me then. Thanks a lot guys!

[Lenticular_J]

Yeah this was the one who I had a short thing with 5 years ago, and I got friend zoned after but we still flirted a lot. I stopped talking to her for like a year, and then the mind games started. It was fun. We've been [bleep]ing for a while now but it might end up getting more serious. I mean I usually get sick of girls I've been with pretty quickly, but it's been 5-6 years.

 

Still being careful though, especially when she was involved in the original love triangle that [bleep]ed me up.

 

[hide=][/hide]

I have a date with the girl I'm talking about's mother to ask permission to court her, even though I don't like using the term court in this sense. Although it is closer than date.

 

That's a good idea if you want to start a relationship with a girl, lads, or just want to make a great impression for your first date: ask permission from either her mother or her father. Hell, go with both. Dad feels like he's still the king, while the mother whispers her approval in the girl's ear.