Basically (from what I know) and agreement about who gets what and so on if you break up that is made before getting married.

That's a pre-marital agreement...

They're the same thing.

 

EDIT: http://blackdragonblog.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/prenuptial-agreements/

Regarding age and sexuality-- IIRC, the elderly have the highest STD transmission rate out of any demographic. Viagra sort of reintroduced sexuality to them.

Did you consider that perhaps there are other reasons for that? Weakened immune response, less awareness of safe sex practices, more likely to self-report/symptoms more recognisable to HCPs, higher risk of sexual abuse vs elderly? Since you didn't leave a link to whatever told you this, none of us can very well check for ourselves, can we?

 

I'm not saying old people "don't do sex". Quite the opposite, I said all people with very few exceptions possess a need to express sexuality. I just said it becomes less important to their lives. Look... I'll leave this in a very subtle way: A lot of the people I work with are single through natural causes, and if you think it's sex that they miss most about their SOs, I'd say you're well wide of the mark.

Regarding age and sexuality-- IIRC, the elderly have the highest STD transmission rate out of any demographic. Viagra sort of reintroduced sexuality to them.

Did you consider that perhaps there are other reasons for that? Weakened immune response, less awareness of safe sex practices, more likely to self-report/symptoms more recognisable to HCPs, higher risk of sexual abuse vs elderly? Since you didn't leave a link to whatever told you this, none of us can very well check for ourselves, can we?

 

Just Google it dude lol

 

I'm not saying old people "don't do sex". Quite the opposite, I said all people with very few exceptions possess a need to express sexuality. I just said it becomes less important to their lives. Look... I'll leave this in a very subtle way: A lot of the people I work with are single through natural causes, and if you think it's sex that they miss most about their SOs, I'd say you're well wide of the mark.

 

I don't think I ever said otherwise.

Regarding age and sexuality-- IIRC, the elderly have the highest STD transmission rate out of any demographic. Viagra sort of reintroduced sexuality to them.

Did you consider that perhaps there are other reasons for that? Weakened immune response, less awareness of safe sex practices, more likely to self-report/symptoms more recognisable to HCPs, higher risk of sexual abuse vs elderly? Since you didn't leave a link to whatever told you this, none of us can very well check for ourselves, can we?

 

I'm not saying old people "don't do sex". Quite the opposite, I said all people with very few exceptions possess a need to express sexuality. I just said it becomes less important to their lives. Look... I'll leave this in a very subtle way: A lot of the people I work with are single through natural causes, and if you think it's sex that they miss most about their SOs, I'd say you're well wide of the mark.

 

I watched a documentary on this. The consensus was "I'm old and I'm going to die. There's no risk of pregnancy so I might as well feel everything right?" Implying condoms hold no meaning past a certain age.

 

I have always enjoyed meeting the parents of the girls I'm hooking up with. Looking to their mom is a fairly good indicator of how they'll look when they are that age. Some features are subject to change, but I'd say 9/10 times girls end up looking like their mom. My ex had a picture of her as a baby next to her mom (~45 years older than her) as a baby and you can't tell the difference minus the quality of the shot. It was easy to see what she'd look like in ~45 years. Try it with your next girlfriends. Always meet the parents.

 

Similarly when I was younger (like 13) I'd look at the older sister's of the girls I was attracted to to see what they'd look like in a few years. Genetics never fails! :thumbsup:

Like RPG implied, it's not just physical appearance. Looking at people's parents is an excellent way to see how they are and will be in their older age.

Oh God! You mean in 30 years I'm going to look like my dad?!? :ohnoes:

 

No wonder I'm single. :P

Oh God! You mean in 30 years I'm going to look like my dad?!? :ohnoes:

 

No wonder I'm single. :P

 

For some reason I've noticed male descendants are like 70% their father and 30% their mother where females are like 85% mother and 15% father. Generally speaking, clearly this won't always be true. But there's hope for you yet!

Oh God! You mean in 30 years I'm going to look like my dad?!? :ohnoes:

 

No wonder I'm single. :P

My dad is pretty much a clone of his father (one of his brothers also looks like their dad, but not quite as much), just a younger version. They have been mistaken for each other a few times.

But there's hope for you yet!

You mean, there's hope for my kids. Their mother may be a horrible, soul-sucking harpy, but she is very attractive.

Yes, people getting unattractive because of old age is something that is inevitable and we expect it to happen. My wife getting lazy (or as she likes to call it "comfortable") and gaining 50lbs is not something i expect. I do not expect her to trick me into thinking she is a fit healthy person just long enough for me to have a life with her, then the real her comes out and she becomes fat.

 

I can almost guarantee that most men whose wives are now unattractive thought the exact same thing. "Oh my sweet little angel would never do that!"

 

Again, this isn't something you can "screen" for. You won't know until you've already placed your bets. Not smart.

 

Look you can agree to anything in a relationship. If you feel like saying to a women your with that you will only stay with her if her weight between 18.5-25 BMI (Body Mass Index) is a perfectly rational and fair thing to do because anyt weight outside that range is unhealthy. Just like women that refuse to stay with a guy who is a smoker, you can set any condition to your relationship.

 

So if weight is something you care about, frame it as a health issue and treat a refusal to make a lifestyle change as the same as not quitting smoking or cutting yourself (common source of angst in tween relationships). As long as you state your intention early, and remain healthy yourself she has no right to complain. If she "lets herself go" tell her that you choose to be healthy and that you only date people who share that value, if she refuses then you guys were incompatible and she lied about that value.

 

Of course treat each situation accordingly.

But there's hope for you yet!

You mean, there's hope for my kids. Their mother may be a horrible, soul-sucking harpy, but she is very attractive.

 

It's not just looks that transfer to children, it's personalities and mannerisms as well.

 

Also, what donnie mentioned combined with what Muggi says is why screening for future physical attractiveness at all is a waste of time. If you want to have a successful marriage, you need to accept that your spouse is not always going to be physically attractive.

But there's hope for you yet!

You mean, there's hope for my kids. Their mother may be a horrible, soul-sucking harpy, but she is very attractive.

 

It's not just looks that transfer to children, it's personalities and mannerisms as well.

So you're saying that Kaida's kids will become horrible, soul-sucking, very attractive harpies :P ?

But there's hope for you yet!

You mean, there's hope for my kids. Their mother may be a horrible, soul-sucking harpy, but she is very attractive.

 

It's not just looks that transfer to children, it's personalities and mannerisms as well.

So you're saying that Kaida's kids will become horrible, soul-sucking, very attractive harpies :P ?

 

More or less, yes. Parents are children's greatest influences, for both good and bad. Presumably Kaida's kids will spend half of their lives with this "horrible" person - I highly doubt they'll manage to repel every negative influence this person fosters.

You mean... Old people have sex? D:

 

OT: Long story, this is a catch up to what I was talking about some odd 2 pages ago.

 

Moved to brissy(QLD) in late 2011 looking for work and it didnt work out so I moved back home in Newcastle(NSW).

 

During my time in brissy I met brett and we kept in contact, it was the first time I thought I had connected, finding someone with highly similar interests etc.

 

early 2012: I broke up with my first bf at the time for a few reasons, me and brett kept in contact and although he was dating someone else, I waited. eventually when he broke up, we decided to try long distance.

 

However it was starting to take its strain on me emotionally and as many of you knew, I was going through hell living at home at the time. So in September after I lost my job, I moved up to brisbane with brett and we live together.

 

 

NOW UP TO DATE:

the first month we knew it might take a bit for me to find a job, since my gambling/liquier licence wasnt valid in another state. we were always happy, cheery and... stuff in the bedroom. slowly it started to become a pressure on us both with his spending habits on stuff he didnt need (10,000 fishing gear and all sorts) because he had spare money, and me trying to afford rent/bills and look for work on a whimsical government assist pay. Through december and this month, he started showing what hes really like. He doesnt care about anyones property EXCEPT his own. He knows this is rough for me to make such a transgression and compete with school kids for work, but will always yell at me if I happen to not do ANYTHING. there are days where I'll clean the house etc etc, and others I wont because not only is it too hot, I pass out or come close to passing out, followed by him calling me "soft" and "lazy".

 

It gets more annoying that just because Im home, I have to do everything. I thought being in a relationship meant sharing the load. whats he going to do if i do get a job? "oh, I still earn more, thus you do the cleaning"

 

The thing that really kills me, is he shows NO interest in me, unless it's when we go to bed. unless its at night in bed, im nothing to him, and it makes me feel like Im only here for his sexual pleasures. I cant run away because I refuse to go home with parents, but my other friend hasnt moved off the army base (he got a posting here this month), and I dunno where to find a hostel or rooms for rent, and it looks bad when you go "well I dont have a job, but I am getting tax money to try!"

 

Its hard for me to write because there are A LOT of emotions running through me as I type this out, and it becomes hard to word. he's basically gone from the loving caring person, to being grumpy all the time, neglecting me yells at me and there are even times I think he might even hit me out of frustration. I've had numerious emotional break downs, but then he "reels me in" only when I break down crying, saying "he loves me".

 

the other part is his mom thinks of me as a second son, ..so if we broke up, how would I say "im sorry im not dating your son/making him happy anymore because he's making me unhappy" after all the caring she's given me. Then when I look over it, it's like im being guilted into a relationship.

================================================================================

 

So, to tl;dr for anyone - moved from long term to be with boyfriend, makes me feel like a sex toy and guilted into staying with him.

 

 

They say having a pet cat or dog around helps the lonliness also, sadly due to being a bum, I cant afford a kitten nor food/health for one and no yard for a dog, so there goes companionship also. The only thing keeping me pushing is looking on gumtree at kittens and saying "Ill have one one day"

 

EDIT: and one day later, I realized I've killed the mood of everyone. I know I didn't write it very well yesterday, but I was also trying not to cry whilst writing it, realizing what I dont have.

Tim you gotta figure out whats worth getting emotional over and what isn't, and what you can do to stabalize your life. Your boyfriend isn't treating you fairly? Talk to him about it, if he's truly unreasonable is it really worse than the option of moving out and starting completely new? Decide which is more livable for the short term. Continue job hunting and the like. I know where you're coming from with the spending thing. My best friend struggles with cash all the time (and his parents are dirt poor to boot) but he somehow manages to pay for $200 glasses and $400 speaker systems and bluray DVDs when they come out. It sounds like your boyfriend has a sharing issue and may not understand what your position feels like. Given that his mom cares for you so much, its very possible he's had a fairly entitled upbringing. You're stressed, that's normal and acceptable. Explain to him why your stressed and what he can do to help. Maybe make him understand how much you really do for him, and then LISTEN when he explains what else he wants. He's calling you soft and whatnot because he either expects more (like his mom likely did) or because he's trying to motivate you (which you have to expain is having the opposite effect). Take a step back from the fighting and really listen to what the problem is between him and his spending/possession values. Meanwhile, you gotta calm down a bit and realize the stress is only temporary and you're still working your way out of the woods from your home life.

 

And don't consider yourself a sex toy. Just last year you were complaining about the lack of sex you were having. Let it be your stress relief. Enjoy it. Feel it. Live it. If you're the one that's actually dissatisfied in bed, then you got a whole 'nother issue.

More or less, yes. Parents are children's greatest influences, for both good and bad. Presumably Kaida's kids will spend half of their lives with this "horrible" person - I highly doubt they'll manage to repel every negative influence this person fosters.

 

Depends on how the divorce was handled. If the kids grow up living with the mother, but the mother is a psycho, while Kaida's a very loving and responsible father, then they will "side with" Kaida as they age.

 

early 2012: I broke up with my first bf at the time for a few reasons, me and brett kept in contact and although he was dating someone else, I waited. eventually when he broke up, we decided to try long distance.

 

Bad idea. Long distance exclusive relationships aren't smart.

 

However it was starting to take its strain on me emotionally and as many of you knew, I was going through hell living at home at the time. So in September after I lost my job, I moved up to brisbane with brett and we live together.

 

Also a bad idea. Living with your significant other severely damages the relationship's lifespan.

 

NOW UP TO DATE:

the first month we knew it might take a bit for me to find a job, since my gambling/liquier licence wasnt valid in another state. we were always happy, cheery and... stuff in the bedroom. slowly it started to become a pressure on us both with his spending habits on stuff he didnt need (10,000 fishing gear and all sorts) because he had spare money, and me trying to afford rent/bills and look for work on a whimsical government assist pay. Through december and this month, he started showing what hes really like. He doesnt care about anyones property EXCEPT his own. He knows this is rough for me to make such a transgression and compete with school kids for work, but will always yell at me if I happen to not do ANYTHING. there are days where I'll clean the house etc etc, and others I wont because not only is it too hot, I pass out or come close to passing out, followed by him calling me "soft" and "lazy".

 

It gets more annoying that just because Im home, I have to do everything. I thought being in a relationship meant sharing the load. whats he going to do if i do get a job? "oh, I still earn more, thus you do the cleaning"

 

The thing that really kills me, is he shows NO interest in me, unless it's when we go to bed. unless its at night in bed, im nothing to him, and it makes me feel like Im only here for his sexual pleasures. I cant run away because I refuse to go home with parents, but my other friend hasnt moved off the army base (he got a posting here this month), and I dunno where to find a hostel or rooms for rent, and it looks bad when you go "well I dont have a job, but I am getting tax money to try!"

 

Its hard for me to write because there are A LOT of emotions running through me as I type this out, and it becomes hard to word. he's basically gone from the loving caring person, to being grumpy all the time, neglecting me yells at me and there are even times I think he might even hit me out of frustration. I've had numerious emotional break downs, but then he "reels me in" only when I break down crying, saying "he loves me".

 

He clearly doesn't make you happy (at least consistently in the long-term). Dump his ass and move on with your life ASAP!

 

the other part is his mom thinks of me as a second son, ..so if we broke up, how would I say "im sorry im not dating your son/making him happy anymore because he's making me unhappy"

 

You don't have to tell her anything, it's none of her business. If she asks, then yes, just say you're no longer happy in the relationship and then LEAVE. If she gets pissed off, that's her problem. You can't afford to worry about other people's problems when your own problems are so severe.

 

after all the caring she's given me. Then when I look over it, it's like im being guilted into a relationship.

================================================================================

 

So, to tl;dr for anyone - moved from long term to be with boyfriend, makes me feel like a sex toy and guilted into staying with him.

 

 

They say having a pet cat or dog around helps the lonliness also, sadly due to being a bum, I cant afford a kitten nor food/health for one and no yard for a dog, so there goes companionship also. The only thing keeping me pushing is looking on gumtree at kittens and saying "Ill have one one day"

 

EDIT: and one day later, I realized I've killed the mood of everyone. I know I didn't write it very well yesterday, but I was also trying not to cry whilst writing it, realizing what I dont have.

 

Don't get a pet until you have enough time and money to take care of one. You don't need a significant other to fulfill your companionship needs. Just go out and make friends. Try meetup.com or something. Hell, even watching TV in the background while you work is enough to trick your brain into thinking that you're not alone.

 

Keep in mind, though, that the lower your self-esteem is, the harder it will be for you to make strong meaningful friendships (or succeed in any other area of life, for that matter). Go listen to a bunch of self-help audiobooks on Youtube and invest in yourself. Anything by Brian Tracy and Kyle Cease is a good start. I've heard good things about Tony Robbins too. Be sure to take notes on that kind of stuff and review it very frequently until it becomes an automatic subconscious part of you. This forum also has a lot of good food for thought.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDMwp9SHRLw

Tim, that reads pretty much like a classic emotionally abusive relationship, at least to me. The control and dominance are all there. So yeah, your goal in life right now should probably be setting yourself up to be able to leave, and don't go into another relationship for a while. You need some time on your own (and this would be an acceptable time to get a pet if you can truly care for it, while your still with Brett, not so much) to be happy, and feel good about yourself. With some real confidence and esteem backing you up, you'll be in a much better position to find someone you can actually be happy with.

Tim, that reads pretty much like a classic emotionally abusive relationship, at least to me. The control and dominance are all there.

Nope, not just you; couldn't agree more.

 

Tim--I appreciate that it takes a lot of bravery to write about all of those issues on here. Socially, is there absolutely nowhere you could go if you did decide to leave your partner? Is the possibility of moving back in with your parents really out of the question? Furthermore, if that prospect really is as unappealing as you think, is it actually worse than staying in your current situation?

@muggi that's only if they fully realize the kind of person she is. It may not be all that obvious in which case they may well emulate her behaviour and see nothing wrong with it. And even if they do realize it's highly unlikely they'll manage to shake off all negative influence.

 

 

This is why divorce is so terribly tragic; and I really don't use that word lightly.

ex moved out of her boyfriends house to go live in a dorm. sexted some dude like 3 weeks into the semester. I suppose it's really not "some dude". It's a guy from the next town over from me thats notorious for picking up girls online with precise skill and success. Somehow I got caught up in it. Put my logic hat on and got out of it. I get the weirdest thrill from bullcrap drama though. it's like heroin to me.

Why are you getting involved in that side of your ex's life in the first place? Most people steer well clear of the words "ex" and "sex" being in the same sentence for good reasons. :P

I get the weirdest thrill from bullcrap drama though. it's like heroin to me.

 

We know. :P

Your double post/quote answered your own question. Avoided getting weirdly emotional about the whole thing though, so I think you're logic inducing debates are finally sinking in. You would HATE her if you ever met her given your stance on such emotional derivative behavior haha.