"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[MuffinMaddy]

He just says time and time again is that he didn't like me and changed his mind as he got to know me, and started to really like me. He was just afraid about looking stupid because he had already painted the picture of not being interested initially. 

[The_Gabe]

He just says time and time again is that he didn't like me and changed his mind as he got to know me, and started to really like me. He was just afraid about looking stupid because he had already painted the picture of not being interested initially.

That can happen. My gf didnt really imagine us going out at the beginning, either. Still the whole trash talking seems like a dealbreaker.

[muggiwhplar]

Muggiw asking the hard questions. But the real one

 

Weigh your options. Can you live like this and continue to do so indefinitely?

 

haha I wasn't sober when I wrote that :D

 

Anyways, this seems like one of those problems that mainly exists because Maddy doesn't believe that she can do any better. If she knew that she could easily hop right into another relationship with an attractive guy, she probably wouldn't be dwelling on something like this for so long. This is why regardless of whether you're single or in a relationship, you'll be an overall happier and less-stressed person if you're confident in your dating and relationship skills :thumbup:

[Jeffwilson99]

The confidence thing is strange. Sometimes I feel surprised that girls like me as much as they do sometimes, but I think I come across as a lot more confident than I really am

 

In saying that, I've had a great time in London so far. I've been on three "dates" so far. All three has gone really well so far, well to the point that I've had been invited back to their place each time. Maybe it's easier when you're a foreigner! 

[Sir_Squab]

Maybe it's easier to be confident as a foreigner?

[RpgGamer]

Younger girls are frustratingly flaky. Getting real tired of having dates cancel on me. But not so much so that its dramatically effecting my life. It'd be nice to talk to someone who actually followed through with plans though

[Tim]

Don't date younger girls then? jump on the Nox train and go hunt a cougar.

[Riku3220]

"Younger" as is right out of high school or like a year or two younger than you?

[Jeffwilson99]

Maybe it's easier to be confident as a foreigner?

 

I dunno, I don't think so. I feel pretty confident when meeting up with girls one on one, which just comes from experience. But at the same time I try to organise these dates with girls I'm sure I'll get alone with really well (which seems obvious). 

[RpgGamer]

Been sexting an older lady for a couple days now. Much better change of pace. By younger I meant 18-19.

[MuffinMaddy]

 

Muggiw asking the hard questions. But the real one

 

Weigh your options. Can you live like this and continue to do so indefinitely?

 

haha I wasn't sober when I wrote that :D

 

Anyways, this seems like one of those problems that mainly exists because Maddy doesn't believe that she can do any better. If she knew that she could easily hop right into another relationship with an attractive guy, she probably wouldn't be dwelling on something like this for so long. This is why regardless of whether you're single or in a relationship, you'll be an overall happier and less-stressed person if you're confident in your dating and relationship skills :thumbup:

 

 

Well see I liked this guy not because I thought he was super attractive, or had charm, he was 'average' just like I am. I'm not the hottest girl nor am I the worst looking girl out there and I'm aware of that. I've never aimed for the socially buzzing confident, (boisterous/popular) guys. I've always wanted someone fairly lowkey, like me. What hurt was probably these 'average' guys in his group dissing me as if they had the right to be so horrible. Even if they were incredibly amazing looking, I don't think anyone has the right to be so horrible about someone, and even less of a right when you're nothing special yourself... I understand that people are always rated and always will be, but the extremity was unnecessary.

 

I stick around because even through all of the pain I feel from time to time, he still makes me happy, and I can't really question how he feels about me now. It's just his continuous association on a close level with people who brought out his horrible side grates on me.

[muggiwhplar]

Younger girls are frustratingly flaky. Getting real tired of having dates cancel on me. But not so much so that its dramatically effecting my life. It'd be nice to talk to someone who actually followed through with plans though

Could you give an example of a girl who flaked on you and how you scheduled the date?

[RpgGamer]

I base most encounters off your method, I just take a little more than 6 messages to close. The last instance I had a confirmed date within 7 hours of initial contact, but she had a date with another guy the next night (3 days before our date) and then told me last night that she intended to exclusively pursue the other guy. I'm only actually salty about it because of the flake streak I seem to be on

[muggiwhplar]

Yeah if you're doing everything right, it's just a numbers game in the end.

 

In other news, I slept with a new girl last night :D

 

Scheduled a date with her via POF just like I do for every other girl (examples here)

 

Met her at a Starbucks and she was really nervous (she just got out of a 7 year relationship where her BF cheated on her a lot). As soon as I met her outside, I said hi and grabbed her hand and led her inside.

 

Sat down with her, I made sure to sit in a chair adjacent to her (instead of across the table from her) so I could touch her and stuff. She was really nervous at first because I'm the first guy she's seen since getting out of her relationship apparently. I tried talking about her relationship but she wasn't really comfortable with that so I just changed the subject. Got her talking about her job and boring stuff like that. Talked about all of her jewelry and tattoos (and touched them whenever I got the chance), then kept my hand on her thigh and rubbed her thigh for the rest of the date while we talked about dumb stuff.

 

After like an hour I said I had to go so we got up and left. I put my arm on her lower back as I walked her to her car and she said I was welcome to text her if I wanted to. She drove away and I walked to my car, pretty sure I did everything "right" and was gonna get laid lol. Sure enough, about a half hour after I got home, I got a text from her asking me what I thought. I told her "I guess you're ok... :) What are you doing on Saturday?" Scheduled a movie night at my place for Saturday, and she ended up coming over to watch a movie we talked about during our 1st date.

 

She came over, I put on the movie and turned off the lights. Put my arm around her as soon as I sat down and she cuddled up next to me. I'd rub her legs and her ass and stuff, and eventually I went for a kiss but she pulled back. I waited a while and tried again and she again resisted, saying she couldn't do it. Resistance kind of turns me off and makes me lose interest, so I pretty much just tuned her out and focused on the movie until it was over after that lol. After the movie was over, I asked her if she was ready for me to take her back to her car. She was like "ok..." so I went and grabbed my jacket. When I came back, she was like "I have a confession to make" (oh boy). "I just really wanna get laid and you're really cool..." Nice.

 

Since she's very emotional and feminine, I was kind of worried that she might "agree" to have sex, and then immediately start to regret it, so I basically was like "are you absolutely sure? I don't want you to feel any pressure to do that if you don't want to." she assured me that she really wanted to, so I dragged her to my bedroom and the rest was history. zero resistance whatsoever. she was very enthusiastic :D

 

anyways, afterwards, I walked her to her car but I chose to go walking around my neighborhood for about 30 minutes with her just to chat since it's relaxing. she's super extroverted and talkative, so she pretty much just talked the whole time while I just listened. she's 27 and all of her friends are married with kids, and she's upset about how things didn't work out with her ex, and how they never could have kids and settle down. I basically just gave her reassurance and made her appreciate her new-found sense of freedom and stuff. so she felt happy and relaxed by the end of our talk. I felt bad for her since I could kind of sense that she was stressed out over stuff like that. Anyways, before I dropped her off she said she wanted to see me again, so I'll shoot her a text today or tomorrow to meet up again soon. She seems like a solid friend with benefits so that means I'll just treat her as if she was a guy friend... that I have sex with >_> no romance, no spending the night. just sex and talking. but yeah, last night was a fun night :D

[Noxx]

Sometimes I wish I was gay or bi to treat my male friends like FWB would make life so much simpler lol. Also I'm drunk as shit right now lol.

Just gonna quote this in case you sober up before anyone sees this, and you get the chance to change it.

[muggiwhplar]

mods plz change saq's display name to "estonian dude"

[RpgGamer]

Thats an interesting switch there Muggiw. She went from kiss resistance to lets bang? Makes me think I grossly misinterpreted a similar situation I ran into a couple weeks ago

[Jeffwilson99]

So muggi, did you organise this date via a website? 

 

I find this whole organising date thing so much easier in a massive city like London. Basically, I had a new Tinder match who opened with me because I'm from New Zealand and she had been travelling there. I told her I was going to the British Museum tomorrow and she pretty much asked to be my guide. So, basically this girl closed with me, all I had to do was give her my number. The only problem is she is leaving tomorrow afternoon to go on holiday with her Dad to South Africa and is away for 5 weeks. 

 

i would hate to know what I'll be up to in 5 weeks time... To be honest I find it pretty tricky try to juggle multiple dates and people at once...It's much easier at the moment given I am not working yet...will be interesting to see how it goes! 

[muggiwhplar]

Thats an interesting switch there Muggiw. She went from kiss resistance to lets bang? Makes me think I grossly misinterpreted a similar situation I ran into a couple weeks ago

 

It's never happened to me before haha. I was thinking, "Man! Why couldn't this happen years ago when I was too afraid to make a move on girls!" lol

 

After we had sex and we went for a walk, she was telling me about how terrified she was to confess that to me though. She said she really wanted to hook up the whole time, but she was just afraid to because this is the first time she's been dating since meeting her ex 7 years ago. She said I seemed like a cool guy though so she ultimately confessed it to me.

 

It wouldn't surprise me if a lot of women feel the same way, but they're just too afraid to be direct and "make a move," for various reasons.

[muggiwhplar]

So muggi, did you organise this date via a website? 

 

I find this whole organising date thing so much easier in a massive city like London. Basically, I had a new Tinder match who opened with me because I'm from New Zealand and she had been travelling there. I told her I was going to the British Museum tomorrow and she pretty much asked to be my guide. So, basically this girl closed with me, all I had to do was give her my number. The only problem is she is leaving tomorrow afternoon to go on holiday with her Dad to South Africa and is away for 5 weeks. 

 

i would hate to know what I'll be up to in 5 weeks time... To be honest I find it pretty tricky try to juggle multiple dates and people at once...It's much easier at the moment given I am not working yet...will be interesting to see how it goes! 

 

Yeah I met her on http://www.pof.com/

 

I think I had 5 first dates lined up this week, but a few of them ended up rescheduling/flaking (which was fine, I didn't really go out of my way to salvage them since I knew I was already getting laid with the other girl). But I just wrote down their names, date times, and date locations on my phone so I could keep track of when to text them and stuff.

 

I try to keep certain time slots open when I'm scheduling dates. If tonight's Sunday, then when I pitch the meet I say that I'm free on Monday and Tuesday after 6pm and try to schedule a date at one of these 4 times:

Monday 6pm

Monday 8pm

Tuesday 6pm

Tuesday 8pm

 

If I'm closing her on a Monday, I'll schedule dates for

Tuesday 6pm

Tuesday 8pm

Wednesday 6pm

Wednesday 8pm

 

If I schedule a date any further away, then that means I have to have another text conversation with her before we meet up so she doesn't lose interest and forget about me. Which really isn't that big of a deal, it's just inconvenient. But using those time slots lets me go on two dates in one night, or 4 dates in the next 2 nights. As opposed to spreading 4 dates across Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday... and if I do that, then I have to put in a lot of work to make sure that the Thursday girl is still down to meet up by the time Thursday rolls around.

[Sir_Squab]

[spoiler=Muggi]

Yeah if you're doing everything right, it's just a numbers game in the end.

 

In other news, I slept with a new girl last night :D

 

Scheduled a date with her via POF just like I do for every other girl (examples here)

 

Met her at a Starbucks and she was really nervous (she just got out of a 7 year relationship where her BF cheated on her a lot). As soon as I met her outside, I said hi and grabbed her hand and led her inside.

 

Sat down with her, I made sure to sit in a chair adjacent to her (instead of across the table from her) so I could touch her and stuff. She was really nervous at first because I'm the first guy she's seen since getting out of her relationship apparently. I tried talking about her relationship but she wasn't really comfortable with that so I just changed the subject. Got her talking about her job and boring stuff like that. Talked about all of her jewelry and tattoos (and touched them whenever I got the chance), then kept my hand on her thigh and rubbed her thigh for the rest of the date while we talked about dumb stuff.

 

After like an hour I said I had to go so we got up and left. I put my arm on her lower back as I walked her to her car and she said I was welcome to text her if I wanted to. She drove away and I walked to my car, pretty sure I did everything "right" and was gonna get laid lol. Sure enough, about a half hour after I got home, I got a text from her asking me what I thought. I told her "I guess you're ok... :) What are you doing on Saturday?" Scheduled a movie night at my place for Saturday, and she ended up coming over to watch a movie we talked about during our 1st date.

 

She came over, I put on the movie and turned off the lights. Put my arm around her as soon as I sat down and she cuddled up next to me. I'd rub her legs and her ass and stuff, and eventually I went for a kiss but she pulled back. I waited a while and tried again and she again resisted, saying she couldn't do it. Resistance kind of turns me off and makes me lose interest, so I pretty much just tuned her out and focused on the movie until it was over after that lol. After the movie was over, I asked her if she was ready for me to take her back to her car. She was like "ok..." so I went and grabbed my jacket. When I came back, she was like "I have a confession to make" (oh boy). "I just really wanna get laid and you're really cool..." Nice.

 

Since she's very emotional and feminine, I was kind of worried that she might "agree" to have sex, and then immediately start to regret it, so I basically was like "are you absolutely sure? I don't want you to feel any pressure to do that if you don't want to." she assured me that she really wanted to, so I dragged her to my bedroom and the rest was history. zero resistance whatsoever. she was very enthusiastic :D

 

anyways, afterwards, I walked her to her car but I chose to go walking around my neighborhood for about 30 minutes with her just to chat since it's relaxing. she's super extroverted and talkative, so she pretty much just talked the whole time while I just listened. she's 27 and all of her friends are married with kids, and she's upset about how things didn't work out with her ex, and how they never could have kids and settle down. I basically just gave her reassurance and made her appreciate her new-found sense of freedom and stuff. so she felt happy and relaxed by the end of our talk. I felt bad for her since I could kind of sense that she was stressed out over stuff like that. Anyways, before I dropped her off she said she wanted to see me again, so I'll shoot her a text today or tomorrow to meet up again soon. She seems like a solid friend with benefits so that means I'll just treat her as if she was a guy friend... that I have sex with >_> no romance, no spending the night. just sex and talking. but yeah, last night was a fun night :D

 

 

So my thoughts throughout reading this was looking for when you mention to her that you're poly. My projections based off of zero real-world experience make me worried that she might start looking to you as a new long-term BF and then feel betrayed.

 

 

Sometimes I wish I was gay or bi to treat my male friends like FWB would make life so much simpler lol. Also I'm drunk as shit right now lol.

 

If you were drunk enough you could ;)

[muggiwhplar]

She doesn't see me as a long term provider. Trust me :P

[obfuscator]

Even if she does, it's her fault for assuming that without him saying anything to indicate it. Unless he's leading her on, the onus is on her to be clear about what she wants and verify whether that's what he's willing to provide.

[muggiwhplar]

That's what I really like about FBs... there's no romantic pressure/obligation. When we were on our walk, there was nothing romantic about it. I was having the exact same tone of conversations with her as I do when I go talk to my guy friends for a long time. Just two people talking about shit... two people who also have sex sometimes :P

[Estonian dude]

mods plz change saq's display name to "estonian dude"

Happy now?