Today...

[Arceus]

While we're on the topic, it reminds me of the joke where some guy applied for the position of village idiot. When he's asked why he didn't get the job, he explains that the other guy was such an idiot, he didn't show up. :lol:

[RpgGamer]

Usually theres someone to do the interview in their stead

[Bonez899]

So I got accepted into a program for school next year. Now all I need to do is see what the others say and go from there as far as which one I choose.

 

Feels good knowing that I have one gaurunteed option though, so long as they don't fill the spot before I hear back/decide on which to take.

[Randox]

Probably one of the best professors I've ever had, had us do exactly one project that was graded all semester, plus a bunch of smaller tests. He also had us do most of the teaching. Basically, each chapter of our textbook was broken up into 3 or 4 presentations, each to be done by a student. It seemed to work quite well. The presentation I think was half our grade, so you were motivated do a good job, and the professor would ask questions on thing you missed, or elaborate himself, and correct any mistakes, so the presentations tended to be very solid. In addition to reading each chapter yourself, you could easily do well on the tests. You also learned your presentation extremely well, because you had to be enough of an expert on your subject to perform a 20-30 minute lecture, plus field questions. If your subject came up as a test question, you were going to ace that question like a boss, plus, at least for me, I still remember the section I did in pretty good detail.

 

As an added bonus, while that presentation was itself a lot of work, it lasted a week tops, and aside from that all you ever had were readings. Granted, the reading was time consuming (I'd say 3-4 hours a chapter, one chapter per week), but it wasn't difficult, so you could just get it done between classes when there wasn't enough time to do any real work.

 

Obviously this is really only going to work on reading oriented subjects, but it was a neat approach. Also, it was a 3 hours class once a week that normally wrapped up 40-80 minutes early, which is always nice.

 

 

I'm pretty sure if you go to an interview, and the interviewer misses it, you win the interview. At least, that's how it should work if you ask me.

[Ember]

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[Noxx]

I stopped at a Ford dealer to see about taking a Fiesta ST for a test drive... they didn't have any in stock, but they did have a Focus ST and some non-ST Fiestas.

 

I really liked the Focus ST, but my wife didn't like the seats. Seats are pretty important, so I'm not sure that it would work... especially since we had been talking about giving her the new car and me driving the Buick.

I had an orange Focus ST a few years back when i lived in South Africa. Was one of my favorite cars i've ever owned. Did it have bucket seats? If so, i kinda agree i wasn't a fan of them either. Kinda made me feel like i was sitting on the floor.

[Ember]

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[RpgGamer]

Probably buying a 2012 Kia forte coupe soon. Anyone know anything that I dont that I should?

[Kalphite]

Got a 75 on my data structures & algorithm midterm. Pretty generous too considering i messed up a few thing pretty bad. But should still be able to get a b in the class

 

75 seems safely high by my school's standards; the average on my school's Data structures & algorithms midterms were in the low 60s generally. Is your class on a curve or straight scale?

 

I hate weeks like this where I have to be up until past 3 every night working on homework. Thank god halloween is coming up right after all of this even though I still have had 0 time to buy a costume lol

[Tim]

I've got a Focus Zetec myself. I like it but I hate the 4/5-door version, It just feels like a mother's car. I'm thinking of saving up over Xmas break and looking into upgrading to a Fiesta. 

 

Sadly I cant afford a ST model because they're overpriced as all hell in AU

[Kalphite]

did anybody else watch that shitshow of a GOP debate?

[Arceus]

did anybody else watch that shitshow of a GOP debate?

I didn't make too much of an effort to go find a stream tonight so no...how was it?

[Veiva]

I have two legs. Pretty cheap on gas, but very slow, especially on hilly terrain, and could be health concern over long durations. Easy to damage and performs poorly in inclement/hot weather. Overall, wouldn't recommend, especially if you don't live within 2 miles of your typical destinations. 2/10.

 

Really, not having a car is terrible. My brother has to walk home--nearly 5 miles--from work if a coworker can't bring him home. Any healthcare providers are at least 6 miles out (my current mental health care provider is 8 miles away). Buying groceries is a pain (can only shop for 3-4 days at a time and can't get anything large or heavy). Going anywhere is out of the question, since there's nothing (no theater, park, library, seriously, nothing) of note within 2 miles.

 

And a car is simply too expensive (no, I'm not talking about gas, that's the cheap part); factoring in insurance (I'd be considered a new driver, so hello $250+ insurance a month), the cost of a vehicle (at least $2,000, and that's for something that has enough miles to have traveled across the equator 6 times) and maintenance on said vehicle (could be minor, could be massive, who knows, it's a gamble)... I mean, my brother and I are lucky to scrape by now because the rent is almost $200 less than houses nearby (though, judging by the vacancies in this neighborhood and the general work the house would need, charging more would end up being a loss [i.e., vacancy for months or even years; we've lived here for nearly 12 years and have paid for all 142 months of rent thus far, to boot]).

 

As far as I know, Europeans can get away with it often enough because of better public transportation. We might as well have no public transportation. Our buses run for at most (depends on the route) for 12 hours Monday through Saturday (yes, they don't run on Sunday; similarly, there was an ordinance in the past few years preventing trick-or-treating when Halloween fell on a Sunday, good ol' Southern Jesus preachin'), about 6:00 am to 6:00 pm. And they having terrible route plans. In honesty, walking is faster than or on par with taking the bus to most places my brother or I have to go. Biking is difficult because it's just dangerous (roads aren't very well designed, even for pedestrians; there's miles of road without sidewalks) and the terrain is very difficult (hills... all the steep hills).

 

It really sucks because I haven't been able to make 2 appointments lately because the few people I know were busy. I have an appointment Friday and it's probably going to be the same. Wonderful.

[jasignhagj]

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[Hedgehog]

Got a 75 on my data structures & algorithm midterm. Pretty generous too considering i messed up a few thing pretty bad. But should still be able to get a b in the class

I wish I did well in data structures :/ I basically have to relearn everything from that class on my own

[Alg]

 

did anybody else watch that shitshow of a GOP debate?

I didn't make too much of an effort to go find a stream tonight so no...how was it?

...Well, it was shorter than the other two, I think...?

[RpgGamer]

Your life style perplexes me veiva. Far be it from me to say something as ignorant as why you are in the situation youre in, but I do hope youre doing everything you can to build toward something with more potential for growth and not just stagnating

[Veiva]

Your life style perplexes me veiva. Far be it from me to say something as ignorant as why you are in the situation youre in, but I do hope youre doing everything you can to build toward something with more potential for growth and not just stagnating

 

I'm not sure you worded this right. To be frank, your phrasing indicates I'm at fault, which makes very little sense and even upsetting. I'll try and be brief, which is pretty hard considering the scope of my situation.

 

My mom was disabled (mental illness) and my father has been a non-factor for my entire life (I'm 23, for the record). My mom received SSDI, and although she did manage the household very well, she grew too sick (primarily due to physical illnesses) as I grew up, necessitating me taking over many, and eventually all, responsibilities. Due to poor care provided by programs in the state, her health deteriorated further. October 2013 she was formally diagnosed with some variant of melanoma and had to have surgery to remove two large tumors. Come early summer 2014 and turns out she also has a malignant mass in her brain and also (of varying severity) in her lungs and hip. Enter hospice soon after, and August 2014, she passes in a hospital when her lungs failed due to a build up of liquid from the complications of lung cancer.

 

From graduating high school (May 2010) to August 2014, I had to essentially run the household in her stead. As her health declined, I also had to be her primary caretaker (my brother was still in school and my sister left "because she couldn't bear it" [for the record, she didn't like having to obey any sort of rules, so she moved out the first chance she got because she felt she had no responsibilities to her family, oh well]). College/higher education during this time is therefore out of the question (simply unfeasible).

 

Funnily enough, my mental health also began to decline noticeably sometime after 2012, right in the typical range for psychotic illnesses to start affecting life. The stress involving my mom's health, her passing, and the issue of income (SSDI ceased on her death; brother received a pittance through Survivor's Benefits until he graduated, at which point there was no income) probably had some major factor in the spiral around late October 2014. Funnily enough, that time period was better (as far as my mental well-being or health is concerned) than it is today.

 

Going to college now is pretty unfeasible still. My father, as far as I know, is still alive; therefore, I'm considered dependent per FAFSA/student aid (even grants). I have to prove I am unable to contact him and that he has never provided support in my life (how do I prove I haven't seen him in anything but minor situations [mostly legal crap, and that was in Elementary school] and am unable to contact him? There's always the easy stance I'm lying, and the burden is on me to prove otherwise) and then a non-appealable decision would be made. For the record, a parent not providing support on its own is not a valid reason on its own when making such a decision. Although next year I'll be 24, which means I'd be considered independent, that doesn't help my brother (who is otherwise normal, and would benefit from a college education more [especially considering he's 4 years younger, so getting a relevant job afterwards wouldn't be so difficult due to a major gap]). Not to mention, it's a safe 5 hours round-trip to a local university via public transportation, compared to at most 20 minutes one-way with a car.

 

But most prominently, my mental health issues, stemming from whatever psychotic disorder I have, are pretty much crippling. I've been receiving treatment for so long without much success. I'd go as far to state that any success was placebo, or caused by external factors. Anti-psychotic medication essentially makes you as consciously capable as a stoner, especially on the dosage I was on. With all due respect, I'd rather have some ability to function, even with all the negative consequences, than being doped up. And it's not like anti-psychotic medications are even effective, especially when you look at modern research done by independent parties, which often come to the conclusion that there is great room for improvement in how studies are done and how effective the relevant medication is at all. I've yet to go to a CBT specialized in psychosis (I'm certain it's a unicorn around here from the professionals I've asked thus far), which doesn't help either.

 

It's easy to take your experiences for granted and accept them without much scrutiny. Sadly, I can't. So many thoughts, memories, behaviors, and even visual experiences of mine could be real, could be not, frankly I don't honestly know. The strain of trying to make sense of the world is tremendous. I swing from various states of belief and disbelief--rational thinking and irrational thinking--that I am never certain what is true and what is false.

 

I fear the abomination preparing dead things in the bathroom, so I do my best not to upset it and otherwise leave it alone. I fear a particular porcelain doll finding me, after all these years, and what it would do when or if that happens. I fear some aborted abomination finding basless vengeance by replacing me. I fear the odd, dark shapes that move out of sight soon after I notice them. I was punished for laziness by the sight of a severed dog head recently--when I came back, it wasn't there, so now I fear where it went. The few people in my life--neighbors, health providers, family friends, even my brother, perhaps--are playing some cruel tricks, and one day I'll found out their true intentions, but it will be too late by then.

 

I question if these experiences are legitimate. In the end, I don't know, and frankly, I can't know (because, when you drill down, what's real and what's not?). I worry the abominations will see what I'm writing just now and react accordingly, or whatever means of surveillance I do not know about will tip off others. This dissonance is painful, as far as thoughts or ideas can be, because a major part of me believes... and a major part of me thinks I'm at fault, that it's my own doing, that I induced this from an overactive imagination...

 

And this makes me feel terrible because there's people who are crippled, or terminally ill, or mentally handicapped, or whatever else, who still manage to make due and even succeed in life. Recently, my disability claim was approved, and I sit here wondering it must have been a mistake because of the others who make due despite the odds, or they're going to use it against me by changing their stance and forcing me to back the small bit they've provided so far, and obviously I won't be able to, so I'll have to go to court and who knows what else after.

 

And then there's other issues.

 

Sleeping complications is one the most immediately prominent (in regards to normal functioning), because I have a very difficult time falling asleep (generally, a minimum of one hour, even if I have to take some medication that induces drowsiness [such as Benadryl]; for the record, taking Benadryl and still not falling asleep for some hours hell). I don't have restful sleep (so many vivid, horrible dreams that I remember for way too long afterwards; nightmares that wake me up, resulting in having to fall asleep again), either. Including sleeping, my "days" tend to be 30+ hours (which wrecks memories/sense of time, by the way, when frames of reference are built on a 24-hour period), and the time I sleep could be during the night or through daylight.

 

Following that is social retardation. I cannot read body language; unless it's over-the-top, the only emotion I can detect when interacting with others is anger, and I'm usually wrong still; I have a hard time articulating at conversational speeds because I take too long to consider what the person said/intended (since I usually think people are making passive or overt threats, mocking me, or being dishonest, it's actually pretty difficult) in order to respond; and I'm emotionally shallow, so it often seems I'm disinterested/sarcastic/rude. I get by pretty well when the interactions are exceedingly simple and I can just bullshit my way through it like a parrot, but even a small curve-ball and I fall apart.

 

Finally: lack of motivation, lack of enjoyment, lack of passion are all major stumbling blocks. I spend maybe 2 hours a day on average doing anything productive, and most of that tends to be just simple things like cooking dinner. There's small streaks, generally less than a week, where I am motivated enough to do something I normally enjoyed... But I realize I no longer do. I have a total lack of emotional reward for anything I do, which causes me to lose motivation and we're back at nothing. I've been trying to reread ASOIAF, but the memories I had don't match the experience, so I read maybe a chapter or two a week. Same goes for programming, or writing, or bicycling, or just about anything else.

 

So if the life of the a truly misfortune individual is perplexing, then so be it. But for the record, poverty and psychosis are as much of a lifestyle as terminal cancer.

[Veiva]

Good news is now that your 23 you arent considered a dependent for FASFA if you apply for it this year and you would absolutely be surprised how many classes of my classes are half filled with 27 year olds.

 

 

That said I understand your a decent programmer, have you tried applying at places just on the strength of your github account? 

 

I don't know how to word this other than there's a more pressing issue that essentially makes pursuing higher education or a great career anything more than some impossible hope. I spent the majority of that post describing it.

[Randox]

I can sympathise with the walking situation. For the past few years, I've not often had access to one (I've never owned a car, but sometimes my parents can loan me one when I'm not in school), and yeah, not being able to buy anything heavy or big because you can't carry it or take it on a bus is a drag. The only way around it, if I can't get a car, is using a taxi, which is a nice way to make things more expensive and feel like you might die in a fiery car accident.

 

I'm actually pretty lucky right now. I've had a car for months because my Mom doesn't drive anymore, so my parents don't really need two cars. However, my Dad is having hip surgery soon, so he won't be able to drive until like June, so my Mom is starting to drive again, though she isn't excited about learning to drive the SUV (Dad won't be able to get in/out of the car, it's too small and low). The only cost to me is that I don't think Mom will drive in the city ever again, certainly not in the SUV, so I'll be playing chauffeur for the next few months whenever Dad needs to come into town. All things considered, it's not a bad trade.

 

I mostly enjoy having the car for grocery shopping though. I also pretty much need it to get to an appointment every couple of weeks for Chiro. 25 minute drive vs 80 minute bus ride through sketchy town (on a bus that comes every 30 minutes at best).

 

 

As a more novel use, I've been doing up the background music for my sister in laws baby shower for my parents (animal songs), so I had to figure out how to burn audio CD's properly (I tried it once before and it didn't work, and I kind of gave up on the idea). The part of my stereo that plays CDs' doesn't work any more apparently, so I ended up using the car as a very expensive CD player to make sure everything worked properly.

[RpgGamer]

Veiva, before I even read your reply post I want you to know I meant no offense to you, I phrased my post poorly and meant to say something more along the lines of I hope things get better for you ans I hope that you are able to progress past your hardship.

 

Now I'll read it.

[Estonian dude]

I have a doctors' appointment in 7 hours where I'll finally hear how [bleep]ed my knee is.

[The Observer]

Yeah, not having a vehicle in some areas can be quite debilitating. I know in my area, the bus service is regular, but for places I need to go for internships/co-ops in the future, I can't really get there. For example: my region has hospitals in various areas (at least before they start shutting them down). If, let's say, I'm doing a co-op at one hospital that's out of town, it's completely inaccessible to public transit before 9AM, which they expect me to be there for 7AM.

 

Not to mention groceries, being forced to ask other people for rides everywhere (since I'm an independent person, it's my biggest pet peeve; asking other people for help), etc. So I can understand that pain fully.

 

However, the alternative is how expensive insurance is and gas, etc. So it's no win really.

[Estonian dude]

And the doctors said that my ACL is hanging on by a few threads and I have 1,5 cm's of cartilage damage on my right femur.

Got sent to a sports doctor, and well, one thing that I don't like about our free healthcare is that the lines are quite nice. Got the time for 1st of December.

[Bonez899]

That's not terrible. My sister had an MRI that was booked 6 months away from when she was referred. Then a specialist took at least another 2-3 months if not more.