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Bringing Closure To This All?


xevanx

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Lately I have been extremely reminiscent of my past ten and a half years amongst the internet. I understand that this thread might not be for all people, however, I think it could potentially open up some discussion which would ultimately help me out.

Now as I turn older everyday I find myself looking back and wondering what exactly I have accomplished throughout my childhood and the opportunities that I have missed. While I am in thought, I have always come back to the same recurring thought about writing a book about my life. Although I am only 18, I feel as though I was robbed of some of the greatest moments in my life by the introduction of the internet.

 

My whole plan of this book is to tell and explain my life since the first time I started playing games online, and the interactions with communities I have met throughout my time online. It sound's boring, but I plan to do this to bring awareness to hopefully kids in communities just like this about what I have missed in life due to my interactions online. I just really feel that in order to rid myself of the addictiveness and lingering thoughts in my head this needs to be done. For example, I am extremely socially awkward in some situations that occur in real life. I know that being addicted to online games and community while I was young, I completely missed out on important social activities. I am ashamed of myself about it, but I am completely capable and 100x better in social encounters online and engineering people socially that it frightens me. Over time consuming my life into various topics online, I feel as though I have been desensitized and demoralized in real life by some of the things people are openly exposed to on a regular basis.

 

No, I don't expect children to read this as some of what I write will be explicit. But I really wish that somehow my story will be read by a million of parents who see their children falling into the same hole of unhealthy consumption of online material as I have. I also want to target my book towards young adults like myself who are maybe feeling the same type of strain and stress as myself. I think many people will relate to my stories and I just hope that I can lead people in the same position as I am out of it and onto the right track.

 

I've been looking at getting into colleges a little bit lately, and one thing hit me really hard. The ONE thing I've wanted to be my entire life -- My dream of being a cop will never come true. I put more effort into being apart of something online than I did into school. I didn't have the grades, I am a failure.

 

I am not a religious man by any means, but I feel inside that I have done many people wrong over the course of 10.5 years. And this will be the only way for me to move on. A final confession of sorts.

 

Thoughts -- Opinions -- Would you support me? -- Would you read it?

 

Evan

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If you think you're addicted get help?

 

I mean I think this is just you looking for a scapegoat to be honest.

 

 

Oh and why can't you be a cop? Your grades in High School mean nothing really. At the very very worst you can just go to a community college for a year or two, get a strong GPA and then transfer to a larger campus. I just don't see why you can't pursue your dream job because of the big bad internet.

 

Anyways if you feel like you missed out a lot in High School than make an effort to get out more in college. Go to some parties, meet some friends and the like. Really it all is about what you want and how much you want it.

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In australia you don't even need to go to university (collage) to be a cop.

 

Move over here, we ride kangaroos and drink beer all day.

 

And sheila's, I hear.

 

As for the internet? Everything in moderation is what I go for.

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I mean, what would make this book stand out? That's an honest question.

 

 

Also, they have koalas in Australia.

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I'd read it, in fact I agree with you. I've missed out on dozens if not hundreds of social oppurtunities because of my online addiction. My parents tried to prevent it by keeping me away from video games and the internet until I was about 14 [5 years ago]. It seems I was destined to the addiction though, as even through their preventative measures, I still managed to sneak some online play in, as well as use people as a means of playing video games. It was actually rather terrible. Had they explained this would be my future, maybe I would have lead a different life.

 

So, go a head and write your book. It'll be the first book in ages that I'll actually want to read

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I'd read it, in fact I agree with you. I've missed out on dozens if not hundreds of social oppurtunities because of my online addiction. My parents tried to prevent it by keeping me away from video games and the internet until I was about 14 [5 years ago]. It seems I was destined to the addiction though, as even through their preventative measures, I still managed to sneak some online play in, as well as use people as a means of playing video games. It was actually rather terrible. Had they explained this would be my future, maybe I would have lead a different life.

 

So, go a head and write your book. It'll be the first book in ages that I'll actually want to read

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In australia you don't even need to go to university (collage) to be a cop.

 

Move over here, we ride kangaroos and drink bears all day.

Well, we drink beers and avoid drop bears.

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You should like you've given up on your life already. You are still very young and have time turn things around.

 

*sound

 

 

But I agree, 18 is still incredibly young. If you really have the determination, you can still do anything. Especially as you now sound as if you may have the willpower to push yourself out of the internet. You can be a mature student, using open universities or colleges. just don't give up, you still have a much larger portion of your life left.

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To think that your dream is over... That's negativity. You can still become a cop (and go to a JC, then transfer).

 

On the subject of you writing a book: I can't say I'd disagree; I use to be completely addicted to RuneScape and missed out on a lot of opportunities (definitely not hundreds though). The thing is that I didn't let my addiction get to me after middle school, and now I don't nearly play as much as I use to.

 

Anyway, don't stop pursuing your dreams.

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I believe that the book by Glen Beck was a bestseller: people will buy any crap.

 

If you want to make serious money though, you're probably better with vampire romance novels.

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You need grades to be a cop? I thought it was just down to fitness and morality...

 

Are the grades hard to achieve or something?

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Trying to reply to some questions so... I'll give it a shot.

 

a. Yes, where I live Cops are required to have a much more broader understanding of skills used throughout high school. On top of that, my unhealthy addiction to gaming didn't make me fat...but unfit.

 

b. 18 is young. I agree, however throughout my life I have always felt more mature than the average crowd my age. It always seemed that online I was subject to more open conversations and real discussions with people older than myself. Which I link heavily with my demoralization over time, and my overall desensitization. I understand thoroughly that I can still turn my life around, and in a sense this is why I plan to write this book.

 

c. Everything is good in Moderation -- You just need to be able to control it. The fact of the matter is, I couldn't and even more facts illustrate that 80% of kids can't control it either.

 

d. My runescape addiction will only be a small part. I've since quit, and am no longer addicted like I was 4-5 years ago.

 

e. I came to this forum for suggestions because, tip.it and the general RS community was one of the first communities I grew with. Also, it most likely has the bigger audience seeing as people I knew from quite some time ago are still here today.

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Here's a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald's This Side of Paradise that I've always enjoyed.

 

"Don't let yourself feel worthless; often through life you will really be at your worst when you seem to think best of yourself; and don't worry about losing your 'personality' as you persist in calling it; at 15 you had the radiance of early morning, at 20 you will begin to have the melancholy brilliance of the moon, and when you are my age you will give out, as I do, the genial golden warmth of 4 P.M"

 

You can have a fresh start whenever you like, that's the beauty of life and free-will. You only have to choose to do so.

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Maybe the reason you spend all day playing video games is because you're socially awkward and don't go out much?

You've got nothing else to do so you go online? Not the other way around.

Don't go around blaming everything else around you, you're the one that made the choice to waste your life away in front of a screen here.

The internet isn't this terrible thing that forced you to play video games 24/7.

Blaming the "addiction", like it's out of your control? You should look at yourself and try to fix your flaws.

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I'm sorry, but I disagree with pretty much everything you wrote. I would read your book only because it might be interesting.

 

I dislike cops, but I won't get into that. You don't need much to become one, though. If it's hard in your area, move somewhere else.

 

I don't support your book for two reasons: You're wrong, and it will cause problems.

 

You are wrong in that you are blaming the internet for your problems and you think everyone ("80%") else on the internet are ruining their lives just by spending time on it. Your anti-social feelings were what led you to the internet, not the other way around, and they only worsen because you are constantly telling yourself you're awkward. Just go out and force yourself to be less awkward - it's a mental issue.

 

Other issues you may have (poor work habits leading to bad grades, probably) are part of your personality, not part of the internet. The internet is not the problem here - rather, your own faults have brought failure upon you.

 

I say it will cause problems because people (parents) will read this book and think it's actually accurate. I hate parents who read "How to be a parent" books, and I hate authors who give poor advice. You will really just contribute to the feelings of irrational anti-modernization that plague all middle-aged people at some point.

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I've come to the conclusion that the first 18 years of my life hasn't been that representative of how the real world really works at all, and I've disregarded most of it. Sure, there'll be the memories of social interactions, both good and bad, but this is the part of your life where you simply have to let go. I worry that by writing this book, you're determined to keep these events real and anchored in your life, and I think you'll regret it in the long term.

I'm not trying to force some kind of selective memory or make you look at the world through rose tinted glasses, I'm just trying to tell you that relatively little of your life before around the age of 18 actually affects your future, and it's possible, if not easy, to start steering your life right now. If you want, write this book in 10 years time. You'll find that you'll look at it in a completely different light.

 

To be honest, you've got some extremely valuable things that most people at 18 would love to have: A real goal to look forward to, and an interest in something creative, in this case writing. College is probably the best thing you can do at the moment. Try to get your foot in the door, and for the love of God, do something you really enjoy. icon_thumbsu.gif

~ W ~

 

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I've gone through a similar process of falling into social isolation and internet addiction, but it's NOT the internet's fault, it's my own feelings. The internet just enables me to stay isolated IRL and was a haven to a shy, awkward, bullied girl a long time ago... but at 18 it's not such a haven.

 

I'd just wait... in a few years time this won't seem like such a big thing any more. Things that seem so huge, integral and important in your life can change faster than you think. You should focus on your future goals rather than dwelling on the past, because that's what it is. It's hard to write about bad things that happen in the past without making them feel real again, without bringing them back to your conscious and making you think about their 'importance' once again. It just leads to more wallowing and sorrow, look to the future not the past.

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I wasn't much of a social person either, and if anything the Internet HELPED me develop my social skills. 18 is too young to make that determination in my honest opinion. Wait until you hit college, whether it be a community/junior college or a four-year institution. Once you do, you'll realize just how much there is still out there for you to discover.

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While I agree that it is possible to be addicted to the internet, I would have to disagree that a lack of social skills is due to the internet; perhaps you went to the internet because of a lack of social skills?

 

Either way, go to college, preferably as far away from home as is practical. You will meet new people and have another shot at life - one which many people truly enjoy.

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I don't agree with your book idea. I see it being taken by the over-protective parents of America and being broadcast all over the news as another reason to be harder on kids about games.

 

When I was younger, I too had a couple moments when I felt..."angry" about my gaming habits. But now I'm older and I realize the truth...

 

The real world really just sucks. And people are stupid. Immature kids are especially stupid. I'm very thankful that I played 4+ hours of videogames every day through high school, because the majority of kids in my school were out doing drugs, stealing, getting shot, and getting people pregnant.

 

The world is a terrible terrible place for people who have a brain. Nobody says you have to be young and stupid. I'm personally glad that I spent most of my "reckless" years playing videogames, because nobody my age was doing anything more constructive.

 

Thats the way I see it

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I'm sorry, but I disagree with pretty much everything you wrote. I would read your book only because it might be interesting.

 

I dislike cops, but I won't get into that. You don't need much to become one, though. If it's hard in your area, move somewhere else.

 

I don't support your book for two reasons: You're wrong, and it will cause problems.

 

You are wrong in that you are blaming the internet for your problems and you think everyone ("80%") else on the internet are ruining their lives just by spending time on it. Your anti-social feelings were what led you to the internet, not the other way around, and they only worsen because you are constantly telling yourself you're awkward. Just go out and force yourself to be less awkward - it's a mental issue.

 

Other issues you may have (poor work habits leading to bad grades, probably) are part of your personality, not part of the internet. The internet is not the problem here - rather, your own faults have brought failure upon you.

 

I say it will cause problems because people (parents) will read this book and think it's actually accurate. I hate parents who read "How to be a parent" books, and I hate authors who give poor advice. You will really just contribute to the feelings of irrational anti-modernization that plague all middle-aged people at some point.

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Ilya : Are you dense? Re-Read my reasoning and maybe you might get something out of it. I was never forced to spend my time on the internet, but rather grew into liking it. Obsessing over it. And as a kid, it seemed right, but after a while you look back and realize it wasn't as perfect as I had planned. Don't tell me what you believe my problem is when it was you who clearly misinterpreted what I set out to explain.

 

Dupin: Your logic is flawed. I grew up. To a kid as young as I was, the lifestyle that I lived would seem so enticing. Over time is when I began to develop my social awkwardness and neglect for life opportunities. As nothing more than an immature 10 year old kid I began to submerse myself into a subculture which I favoured over that of real world. I would be writing to people just to prove how easily it is to get sucked into things like this as a child. I have a feeling that you've only been exposed to half of the things that I have due to the assumption that you didn't start out as young as I did. With that assumption I can say that your logic is flawed. I do have an amazing personality and initiative to work towards something great. But when you're 12 you don't understand how many different things matter while you're still young. This book is targeted to a specific audience, not for those like I assume that you are.

 

I have a saying, "It's Apparent to be a Parent". Without the proper supervision or the lack thereof, kids are destined to slide off the tracks at some point. I won't say that my parents did a bad job, because I grew up as one of the first real generations to use what we call now "the modern internet". I don't care if you take my advice and tell me to shove it up my behind, but you should at least have to provide truths while trying to provoke someone.

 

Will holmes: I completely agree and appreciate your comments. However, I believe that by writing this now among other reasons which I've already stated; I will bring a perspective to it that I won't necessarily have 20-30 years down the road.

 

ForsakenMage: Agreed. The internet to me, is the ultimate in building social skills but also its the ultimate in tearing those skills back down again. It's like someone building a foundation for a house, they go out they buy the material and spend the next 6 months building this huge beautiful mansion. That same person spends the next 6 years inside their big beautiful mansion because of all of its wonderful accomodations.

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I don't agree with your book idea. I see it being taken by the over-protective parents of America and being broadcast all over the news as another reason to be harder on kids about games.

 

When I was younger, I too had a couple moments when I felt..."angry" about my gaming habits. But now I'm older and I realize the truth...

 

The real world really just sucks. And people are stupid. Immature kids are especially stupid. I'm very thankful that I played 4+ hours of videogames every day through high school, because the majority of kids in my school were out doing drugs, stealing, getting shot, and getting people pregnant.

 

The world is a terrible terrible place for people who have a brain. Nobody says you have to be young and stupid. I'm personally glad that I spent most of my "reckless" years playing videogames, because nobody my age was doing anything more constructive.

 

Thats the way I see it

 

I also understand this and see your point of view. I cannot agree more with bolded statement. I'm a walking talking encyclopedia, I consider the internet a bigger help in:

 

-Education

-The understanding of the world

-Current Events

-Technological, Sociological, and Psychological areas

 

than any School, Teacher, News Agency, or Textbook could EVER of taught me. I really truely do owe my intelligence and my know-how to my online experiences. However, I feel and know that it all is a double sided sword. Although you weren't out doing drugs and getting into trouble, you missed out on those key.life experiences which are the sociological glue and keystone to building a healthy relationship between yourself and the outside world.

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