Pass The Cheese (Now on TIF)

[Danno385]

While sitting bareback on his unicorn at the top of the purple mountains, Danno oversee's all that has unfolded and refolded into a mixed up dimension controled only by the need for the true ruler of the story, the cheese. As the cheese touched many hands, was eaten and re-eaten, although never soiled it had never once showed what it truely did. Danno, a confused scholar was curious to find out just what it did.

"To the cheese, Neysa."

Neysa, Danno's not-so-tame unicorn instantly jumped off of the edge. This confused greatly the pack of near by wolves that had been pursuing them. Since their dimensions had overlapped, the wolves had not figured out that Unicorns were shape shifters.

As Neysa fell she transformed into a beautifal phoenix. Her fire tiped wings leaned on her left side, soaring down to the confusion below. Danno enjoyed his short rides on Neysa as a phoenix, which were rare. Like most Unicorns, Neysa prefered her natural form greatly to any other. Her vast wings, her long beak, and the low heat he felt while riding her put Danno almost to sleep.

Before he knew it, this ride was over. The rest of their journey would be done on foot. Even that seemed magical, for a unicorns ride was far supierior to that of any horse. Danno was always facsinated by the length and power of her horn-enough to spear a man in a single thrust! After nearly an hour, they arived near the cheese.

"Behind those trees," Danno whispered to Neysa, in her third form, a human. They overheard Psycho laughing, ready to begin weilding the power of the cheese. This was one of few times when someone got the cheese to thereselves with their fellow great cheese scavengers ocupied.

"Well well well! Its about time I got a hold of you!" Psycho said, speaking to the cheese as if it understood him. "I guess we should start with the basics. I begining to get hungry, conjuring shouldn't be too hard." Psycho stared at the cheese with great concentration. Suddenly, he boomed "FOR I AM NO HUNGARY, A BOLOGNA SANDWICH I SHALL NEED!"

In front of psycho, a silver platter with dome cover appeared. Psycho walked a short distance to the platter, and cautiosly lifted the lid. To Danno's surprise, there stood a Bologna sandwich, 6 slices thick! Psycho, excited exclaimed "It worked! It really worked!". Proud of his accomplishment, he lifted the sandwich to his mouth and took a large bite. He chewed, and it appeared that there was nothing wrong with the sandwich. It had really worked-conjuring without any runes! Danno at this point could not contain himself, and just before he could shout in excitment Neysa kicked him hard in the shin. Danno, hurt, grabbed his leg and contained his screams.

Psycho finished off his sandwich, and without talking again gazed at the cheese. This time, more confident in the cheese's power Psycho yelled out "FOR NOW I KNOW IT CAN BE DONE, I CONJURE A CASTLE HERE UNDER THE SUN!"

 

The ground shook. Just behind some trees a large read castle appeared. It was fit for a kind, several stories high with a flag of its master on the top. Psycho, with a huge grin on his face ran over to the new erection. He reached the door and opened it with a single pull, his strength renewed. He walked inside to find a red interior. Before him there was a grand staircase. Psycho looked around this entry room and saw many doors, through the windows he saw a dinning room, a kitchen, a library, and an office. He walked to the office. He found a room with huge moniters and a picture window. Curious, he continued on the the library. In the room along with many books to his surprise he found his young friend Danno and his steed Neysa, now in girl form. Danno, looking up from a book spoke.

"Nice place ya got here. Thats some powerful cheese."

"Yeah, I'm beggining to like it."

"Mind if I take this off your hands?" Danno said, lifting what appeared to be a book of magic.

"Only if I can look it over first," Psycho replied, not wanting to let anything too powerful go to a fellow cheese fighter.

"No problem," Danno said, sliding the book across the floor to Psycho which was custom in this kind of situation. Psycho picked up the book, still holding the cheese. The moment he lifted the cover page he knew he had been fooled. Some sort of gunk jumped onto him, growing and consuming his body. Psycho put up a fight, but with it covering his face and soon his arms he was not able to use the cheeses magic. In an instant, he was covered all but his hand holding the cheese. Danno walked over and took it from him.

 

"Thanks for the magic lessons," Danno said, while jumping back on to Neysa to ride back to his cave in a remote region of the purple mountains.

[silver_wits]

I scramble around on my hands and knees, on the floor, picking up treats before kitty can eat them. Needless to say, I fail, and kitty gets sick from eating too much treats. Annoyed I vow my revenge on whoever gave kitty treats.

 

Me and kitty move to the wilderness, far far away from civilization, to start over. without kitty treats. We both start learning how to sit still for eons of time [2 minutes] and we learn how to mediate.

 

a few days later, Danno appears "riding" Neysa. He comes into the clearing where kitty and me are, and proceeds to propose to his unicorn. "Hey horsie, lets

[PLEASE NOTE: THE REST OF THIS TRANSCRIPT HAS BEEN REMOVED BY US BECAUSE ITS TOO DAMN DISTURBING.]

 

Kitty and me stare in shock as the scene unfolds, me holding up my phone and taking a lengthy video. We wait until they're done, and then we make our presence known....

 

Danno and his horsie stare back.

 

Danno offers me the cheese to keep quiet.

 

I accept the cheese and run away.

[blaah]

As Wits strokes the dairy-chunk in infatuation and watches her disturbing video of Danno's proposal of unspeakable innappropriateness to his unicorn, she grows jealous of Danno's relationship and begins fantasizing about the perfect specimen as the object of her love: a transvestite robot. Wits stops watching her video and continues stroking the cheese, wishing it was as cold and metally as a transvestite robot. As Psycho sends his robots to retrieve the cheese once more, Danno does unmentionable things with his unicorn, and Who_Am_I sends out his ninjas, the slightly forgotten Emily/Fluff Puff contemplates how to steal the cheese. Feeling like she lucked out last time by getting the cheese in such a simple way, she decides she owes Wits (who was also her previous victim) some happiness in return for the cheese.

 

Emily decides the best way to give Wits said happiness is to send for a transvestite robot to fall in love with Wits. Emily searches all over, but cannot seem to find said creature thing anywhere. She looks at a map, thinking about where would be a place where she could find a transvestite robot. One place on the map sticks out: Untopia. This land, which has already been described as bizarre, is sure to host such creatures, even perhaps creatures like this insane enough to want to be with neurotic Wits. Emily walks towards Untopia once again, enjoying her time.

 

Emily enters a forest and sees that a bunch of ninjas and robots are fighting and a boy is speaking in a low tone to a unicorn. Emily, who watches CNN every morning, recognizes all of the people as others who are interested in finding the cheese. Taking this as an amazing opportunity, Emily finds a piece of normal cheese in her bag and throws it into the middle of all of the other creatures. As they fight over the decoy, Emily decides she has enough time to seek out the transvestite robot and successfully steal the cheese.

 

Emily enters Untopia. An old man is fishing for cats, flying fish are landing in the trees, and a hunter is stalking a small rabbit. Emily proceeds to the nearest village and finds a shop with robots in it. She walks in and finds several suitable robots, but can't seem to find the owner. The owner appears from the back wearing a dark cloak and asks Emily how he can assist her. She tells him what he needs, and he leads her into a back room and begins speaking in hushed tones.

 

"I used to live out there, in the normal world like you. I moved here to be accepted with creating robots in a land where robots, who are usually outcast by society, are accepted. But even Untopia is not weird enough to host transvestite robots, except for this one back here. He, formerly she, is named ART, Artificial Transvestite Robot. I have been working on my ART for many years and would almost consider myself an ARTist, if I may say so. You can take him for a small price, if you can explain why you need him."

 

Emily is slightly confused by how ATR = ART, but remembers she is in Untopia and these things do make sense. Emily proceeds to explain that she is going to use ART to steal the cheese. The man gets angry and says she cannot take him for her own selfish needs. Emily didn't feel like it was necessary to mention that ART was going to be given the opportunity to fall in love and be appreciated, but after the man became angry, she explained everything. The man in the dark cloak, named Stanley, gave ART to Emily for free.

 

Emily and ART walked out of Untopia in search of the evasive Wits. Wits was right where she was situated the last time Emily had stolen the cheese from her, this time drooling and now stroking an ice cube because its cold temperature was more similar to a transvestite robot's temperature than a piece of cheese. Emily reached for the cheese and placed it in her bag, without Wits noticing a thing. Emily then sent ART over to see Wits, and the two began talking. Wits, in utter disbelief that such a perfect ... creation could exist, immediately fell in love and forgot about the cheese completely. Emily quickly hurried away to avoid seeing anything happen between the misfit couple, with the cheese stashed safely in her bag, and headed for Untopia to hide.

 

**UNNECESSARY SIDENOTE** My first long story was typed on my iPod touch and realllly took a long time, so I'm thrilled to see everyone has continued to post lengthy replies and refer back to my ridiculous story :D

[Danno385]

Elsewhere, a battle of epicness is taking place for what is belived to be The Cheese. Like most battles of this sort, it takes place mostly over amplified voices of he two strongest leaders. A stones throw away Danno, now through with the ceremonial post-proposal activites all unicorns insist on having, watches the leaders. They are both running to the cheese, pushing away any fighters in their way. Danno, now tired from his "adventure", remembers a suitable spell for this occasion that he had recently read in a book of magic.

 

"For those who fight across the land, one treasure is named most grand. To keep these battles in check, the cheese is now given to a neutral friend." As Danno says this, the cheese is magicly brought to him, and they are secured in an invisable chamber. The leaders, not quick enough to stop, bump heads where the cheese last rested.

 

"DANNO" Psycho yells furiosly "WHAT DID YOU DO???"

 

"I simply allowed this battle to be just that: a battle. Your armies are to fight under your direction, while I watch with the cheese and declare a winner. The winner and his prize will be magicly transported to a place of their choosing"

 

The men accepted these terms and went to either sides of the battlegrounds to speak with thier armies.

 

Psycho Robot: "You can handle ninja's no problem. They are trained in man to man combat, not man to robot. Simply shock them down through your electronic fingers.

 

who_am_i: "Forget all your presure point and spirit fighting nonsence. Just cut into their central control centers. You can do this guys, you NINJAS!!!"

 

Both armies cheer after these very brief speeches, and ready themselves for battle. The leaders look to eachother and begin shouting.

 

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE US!!!! ROBOTS DON'T FEEL PAIN OR NEED TO HEAL, THEY ARE FAR SUPIER!!!"

 

"NO ONE CAN BEAT OUR ANCIENT WAYS OF COMBAT!!! JUST LOOK AT ALL THAT WE HAVE DONE SO FAR, GRABING THE CHEESE MANY TIMES IN THIS NEVER ENDING WAR!!!"

 

"OLD MAN, YOU'VE LOST YOUR TOUCH! UNLIKE YOU, WE UPDATE AND PERFECT OUR COMBAT STYLES TO BEAT ANY GIVEN ENEMY!"

 

"WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!" As Who said that, his ninja's charged at the robots. The robots did the same. After a few hours of what would be boring text combat, only the leaders and their two body gaurds each are left. Danno now speaks to the great leaders.

 

"It seems we have a winner!"

 

"How can that be," Psycho says, while looking over the piles of sparking blood and mech, "We are both left without armies."

 

"It must be me," Who says in an arogant tone, "For my soldiors fought the more honest fight."

 

"No, it must have beens me, for my force can be rebuilt to fight again," Psycho said while working on a nearby pair of robots, rebuilding them into one.

 

"Its neither of you, for-" Danno starts before being cut off by Who.

 

"Was this some kind of trick to steal the cheese while we had no armies to back us up?"

 

"- this is not the cheese," Danno finishes.

 

"HOW CAN THAT BE!?!?!" The leaders yell together.

 

"It seems we have been tricked by a clever woman. Not much different than men with social lives..."

 

"Then who do you think has the cheese?"

 

"It must be Silver Wits," Danno states knowing it could not have been her. Quick to trust Danno, the two men transport off to where they think they will find Silva. Danno, now done eating the decoy cheese, jumps onto Neysa( in a completly non-sextual way, thank you very much) and without telling her she begins to ride towards the Fluffy demesnes. They arive in good time, for Neysa is well rested. Fluffy, expecting some sort of visitor walks out of her home.

 

"Fancy seeing you here little brother and.... Neysa...."

 

"Well, after a fine piece of decoy cheese I always think of you."

 

"Oh so I see you figured it out by now. Shame, I was beggining to enjoy the power of The Cheese." She takes the cheese out of the pocket of her hollister sweatshirt.

 

"Yes, Psycho seemed to enjoy it too while he had it. You know, I took a trip to Untopia the other day. Talked to a fellow named Henry, you met him yes?"

 

"Ahh Henry. Bit of a scatter brain, but good as far as Untopians go."

 

"I've actually followed alot of your recent trail, talking to a few others. A fellow named Stanley actually had some intresting information..."

 

"I don't know what your talking about," She says quickly, now readdy to shoo Danno away.

 

"Says you made a certain purchase... A robot, ya know. A large cat robot, much like a real cat except a bit bigger."

 

"Yes, while I was there I picked up a special purchase."

 

"Would you summon him please?"

 

"I don't see why not... HERE BOOBOO! BOOBOO!" She calls several more times, but no foot steps are heard. "What did you do with him?" Fluff Puff said, now worried.

 

"Nothing yet, although without the cheese I won't be able to keep him safe for long..." Fluffy, considering her options, began to cry.

 

"Here. Take it!" She said, throwing Danno the cheese. "Now where is he?" she said, regaining her posture.

 

"In the a tunnel system to the south, under the protection of some very hungry trolls"

 

Fluffy began off towards the tunnels, and Danno looked at his prize. "What a journey we have ahead," Danno said to Neysa and The Cheese.

 

Danno, Neysa, and his prize began off to the Jagex HQ, planning their hostile takeover...

[Psycho_Robot]

Psycho sat in the dark, bathed in the cold white glow of his monitors. "Those fools!" he said to himself, as people very often do when they are alone, "They should know better than to think that I, an antisocial fool, would actually show my face in battle!" He shut off the android he had built in his likeness. It went limp and crashed to who_am_i's feet, confusing him greatly. Having a likeness of himself cavorting about always disturbed Psycho, so he always shut them down whenever they served their purposes. "Still, I had no idea the cheese was a decoy... this Fluff Puff is not one to be trifled with..." Psycho thought on this for a while, then got a fantastic idea. He tapped at his console. Deep within his manufacturing plant, gears ground as conduits aligned, dispensing four of his robots outside the compound. They immediately sped off to achieve their programmed goal.

 

Meanwhile, at the Southern Tunnel System, Fluff Puff faced off against the Guardian Trolls (level: 560). They were besting her easily, Fluff Puff just barely able to dodge the swings of their clubs and blows of their fists. Her robotic feline companion cowered helplessly in the corner. Every time Fluff Puff made a move towards her kitty, the trolls pushed her back. The situation seemed hopeless, when suddenly Psycho's robots ran into the tunnel system. They leaped onto the trolls and slashed at their flesh with their scorpion-like tails tipped with vicious curved blades. It wasn't long before all the trolls lay dead on the floor of the tunnels. Fluff Puff's robot kitty ran over to her and cowered behind her, terrified of her menacing cousins.

 

The robots advanced on Fluff Puff, cornering and surrounding her. Fluff Puff thought for sure she was a goner, but then one of the robots' head flipped back, revealing a screen upon which Psycho's dimly lit visage appeared. "You and I both want the same thing, Emily..." he said, pausing for effect, "...the cheese. You're a brilliant tactician, and I have a near limitless army of robot warriors. If we teamed up, there's nothing anyone could do to stop us! What do you say?!"

 

"Ha!" Fluff Puff shot back, "Its not like I have a choice do I? If I say no, your robots will kill me!"

 

"No, no," said Psycho, shaking his head, which also shook his robot's head in what Fluff Puff agreed was a nice touch, "this is a business proposal, not a threat." His robots backed away and assumed a less threatening pose.

 

"Well how can I trust you?" demanded Fluff Puff.

 

"I'm not a bad person you know..." Psycho said, "I've just been forced to do bad things by circumstance."

 

"Prove it!"

 

Psycho's robot reached for Fluff Puff's kitty and lifted it in the air, displaying the logo stamped on its stomach. It was the logo of Psycho Robot industries. Fluff Puff was shocked. "But that man in Untopia made that! I bought it from him!"

 

"I have no idea who you're talking about, but clearly I made this robot." His robot lowered kitty to the ground who returned to Fluff Puff. "This is the primary export of Psycho Robot industries. Its only now that there's such a terrible power loose in the world that I've begun making war robots, and its only with the best intentions that I use them. This cheese cannot fall into unworthy hands, and you and I can stop that from happening."

 

Fluff Puff crossed her arms. "Fine. But I want to use the cheese a little bit before you take it away."

 

"Its a deal," Psycho said, "So where is the cheese now? I thought I knew but as it so happens, that was... one of your decoys."

 

"Danno has it now. He made me give it to him to find out where Kitty was." She pouted as she realised that Danno knew she would be killed by the trolls anyways.

 

"Ok. We'll go get it now. Hop on." said Psycho, whose robot lowered to the ground again. Fluff Puff climbed onto the robot and held on tight. It rocketed off through the tunnel system and the surrounding forest until they arrived at Danno's campsite. They lurked in the shadows as Fluff Puff whispered her tactical ideas to the robot, which Psycho picked up on and relayed as orders to his robots. All the pieces in place, the two sprung their trap.

 

A squad of Psycho's robots leaped out of the brush, surrounding Danno. He immediately hopped on Neysa who turned into a phoenix and flew into the air. Exactly as planned. As Neysa took off, they were surrounded by dozens of Psycho's helicopter robots. They scorched the air around Danno and Neysa with constant laser cannon fire, scoring several direct hits on Neysa. She tumbled through the air, ashes streaming behind her. Her body was completely turned to ashes and the tiny chick landed on the ground, followed shortly by Danno.

 

They were immediately surrounded by robots, both on the ground and in the air. Danno, seeing no other way to save Neysa, surrendered the cheese. One of the robots snatched it and tucked it in its chest compartment, sealing it tight. They all tore off through the woods, including the one Fluff Puff was mounting, leaving her on the ground. Fluff Puff cursed the sky as Psycho's robots disappeared into the forest.

[silver_wits]

Back at home, I decide to take apart my transvestite robot and see what it's made of... unfortunately, I mess up really bad, and am unable put it all back together correctly. Frustrated I call the 1-800 help line, for the robot's customer support. After waiting an unbearable wait time, listening to the hold music [was actually 10 minutes], I decide to give up and find the robot's creator and give him a piece of my mind.

 

I decide to find him. I print of some google maps directions, and head out on my way, with my transvestite robot's parts in a big red sack [that I stole from Santa] hanging from my back.

 

 

Halfway there, I become lost, and decide to give up.

 

I leave my sack lying on the side of the road, and go into the nearest Coffee place where I order a donut and some hot-chocolate.

 

While in the coffee-shop, I look around desperately for a seat, and see some young fool sitting quietly by himself, giggling at his laptop. Feeling my legs get weary, I sit down at his table, and proceed to eat my way into breaking the scale.

 

"what's up?" I say to him. He gets shocked that a moderately an extremely attractive specimen of humanity is willing to sit next to him, and flees.

 

I shrug, and take over his computer. Looking around in it, I see the blueprints for building a transvestite robot! I stumbled upon the robot creator. I quickly steal the blueprints by emailing a copy of them to myself, and then deleting the cookies from the laptop so he wouldn't realise. I also log out, and close the window.

 

He suddenly comes back in a hurry. I pretend I wasn't looking at the laptop's screen and continue eating. "Sorry about that! I had to go to the bathroom!" he says.

 

I look at him. He looks back, then picks up his bag and his laptop, and starts backing away. The cheese falls out of his bag.

 

We both look at it.

 

I immediately reach down and pick it up, and then teleport away; leaving him confused and bereft.

[blaah]

Wits tucks away the cheese and begins working on her laptop. She downloads the blueprints for ART and gets busy fixing her mechanical lover.

 

Meanwhile, Emily sits stroking her cat, contemplating what to do. Since she has been without the cheese for an extended period of time, she decides she must do some research to see where the cheese is now. She grabs her phone and signs into twitter to view some tweets left by her fellow cheese-chasers. She discovers she has missed a lot of action:

 

Danno385: got da cheezes from @Fluffyzoe64, now spendin the night riding Neysa ;)

 

(a short while later) Danno385: never mind, no more cheese and Neysa got burned :(

 

 

Psycho_Robot: Got the dairy chunk from @Danno385 by using the skills of @Fluffyzoe64 - thanks! Now to enjoy time on my laptop with the cheese...

 

(a short while later) Psycho_Robot: ALMOST got hit on by a real live female! -but where did she take my cheese? SHE TOOK MY CHEESE!

 

 

silver_wits: yeah right, no way I'd ever look twice at a HUMAN. got cheese though and plans to fix ARTy :)

 

 

Emily is quickly filled in about what her buddy pals have been up to by their silly tweets. She finds that her work is cut out for her this time, since everyone is occupied with their own plotting and the current beholder of the cheese, Wits, is going to be preoccupied with her cold, heartless, transvestite, metal lover. Emily decides to mix everyone up instead of taking the easy way out and heads over to visit her "friend" Psycho.

 

Emily gets to the door and is met by a robot, cowering in fear. Psycho himself then appears at the door since Emily's glare and angry face scared the robot away. Psycho giggles a bit.

 

"Thanks for helping me get the cheese, you were a big help there pal. But... I already lost it and am plotting to get it again. You in to help me?"

 

Emily's phone vibrates. She looks at it, and finds that one of the people she is following has sent out a tweet:

 

Psycho_Robot: now gonna go to hottie's house and have a lil fun ;) and I'm NOT talking about the part where I steal the cheese!

 

Emily smiles and says, "No, not this time, I'm no longer interested in the cheese. I have found a new passion for stabbing people in the back after THEY stab me. Oh, and by the way, she's out of your league, just saying."

 

Psycho, feeling defeated, hurries into his house. Emily follows behind him in his shadow, unnoticed. None of the robots in Psycho's home dare tell Psycho that Emily is in there because they fear for their robot lives in her presence. Psycho walks into his room, slams the door, and proceeds to cry into a pillow, occaisonally yelling such phrases as "how can she be so cold!" and "I thought I had a chance!" Emily walks into the next room, with his laptop in it. On the screen, the laptop says "ENTER PASSWORD TO ACCESS ALL OF PSYCHO'S IMPORTANT FILES". Emily types in "PASSWORD" and unlocks the computer. She considers leaving, since she already hurt Psycho's feelings, but then laughs at her ridiculous idea and begins to mess with him.

 

Emily's first order of business is to hack his twitter, along with the twitter accounts of silver_wits and Danno385. She goes onto all three and makes sure to send out tweets saying embarrassing and graphic things that her victims are likely doing and then makes sure all of their accounts are following Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, Kanye West, Kate Goselyn, Chris Brown, Barney, and several hundred other random accounts that send out ridiculously annoying tweets all the time. She then changes Psycho's password to his laptop to "password" so he will be confused when he can't log on even though she has only taken away the capitalization. Emily moves on and heads over to Wits's house to steal the cheese.

 

As Emily walks through the familiar forest, the victims of her hacking start receiving endless tweets and are all distracted from their relationships with unicorns, pillows, and transvestite robots. Emily casually struts into Wits's house and heads for the bedroom, making sure to close her eyes. She hears Wits's phone buzzing, along with some power tools and evil laughter. Emily quickly reaches around the corner, grabs the bag containing the cheese, and heads out. She then heads to a mountain and gets comfy watching youtube videos and enjoying her time with the cheese, for she knows she will quite possibly soon be challenged for it and must not take her time with the cheese for granted.

[silver_wits]

I'm all alone in my room, polishing my robot I've finally managed to put together. Finally, the shoe-polish is finished, and I'm left with a shiny robot to put the moves on. Just then, kitty, who was previously developing her site http://evilkittyonline.com/ burst into my room to tell me about it, only to find , me in a compromising position with the robot!

 

I ditch the robot in an instant, and rush towards kitty and hug her. Clouds of cat-fur fly up in the air like dandelion spores, as kitty shows her displeasure with me. She cries out as if she's being tortured, and I get into trouble with my sister Rhea who thinks that kitties do not know how to get people in trouble by lieing their little butts off.

 

Kitty walks up to the robot, and brushes her furry behind against it. The ensuing static, breaks the robot and it bursts into flames and turns to ash. Annoyed at the cheap robot I got, I look for my phone to call the creator and yell at him. I pick up my phone and find 197,364 unread messages. Unfortunately my phone can hold unlimited text messages as was advertised. Scrolling through them, I get annoyed as I see that most of the messages were from twitter.

 

I delete all unread messages, neglecting to find out if anyone important messaged me, and put the phone back in my pocket, and try to think who hacked my twitter account.

 

as I'm thinking, I receive 18 new messages. I quickly log into twitter and unfollow a bunch of people. I still recieve 12 more new messages. But it seems to be a message delay.

 

I read the messages, nothing serious, just Ashton Kutcher telling me what he's doing... thank god I unfollowed him.

 

After mulling over it, sipping hot chocolate, and petting kitty on my lap, while pretending to be an evil overlord, I decide that the only person who could have done this to me was someone who knew me well enough to know my password.

 

I put my hot chocolate down, and grab kitty by the scruff of her neck. "Why did you hack my twitter you little snit?"

Kitty yelps and miaws that it's not her. I try to think, who did I piss off recently?

 

I decide that the only person was Psycho! So I go over to his house and tie him up with duct tape, and then torture him by tickling the exposed parts of skin with a feather. Tell me why you hacked my twitter!!??

 

Psycho tells me that it was Fluffy. I leave him like that and go to Fluffy's house where I tell her mom that she borrowed a notebook from school. Her mom, not questioning what a 22 year old hag would be doing in the same school with her young and fresh daughter, lets me in unquestioning into Fluff Puff's room where I sit on her bed and read her Diary.

 

[for those of you intersted in reading a teenage girl's diary.. here's a link]

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/752/752-h/752-h.htm

 

I give up after the first page, and poke around her room. Just then, Fluffy comes into her room, I dive under the bed, where she can't see.. She drops some stuff down on her bed and goes downstairs where she and Danno start eating food. I climb out from under the bed, and look, there is the cheese on her bed! dirtying up the sheets with its green slime oozing out of it. I pick it up and teleport away.

 

Just then, Fluffy's mother asks about her friend who is upstairs in her room, with feelings of dread, Fluffy runs upstairs, accompanied by Danno, just to see me disappear into thin air!

[Psycho_Robot]

Silva arrived at her house with the cheese in hand. She ambled, whistling, to her bedroom where Psycho was still duct taped to a chair. "Thanks for the tip!" she called out cheerfully, tossing the cheese to herself. She sat down on the bed to admire her precious.

 

"You know, you might want to look at that more closely," Psycho said, not looking at her or the cheese.

 

Puzzled, Silva peered closely at the dairy product. It was a disgusting filthy abomination at this point, but still looked, and felt, decidedly cheese-like. "What do you mean? It looks fine!" she said after her inspection.

 

"Try to cut it in half," Psycho suggested, looking over.

 

"What? No! That would ruin it!" Silva replied, appalled at the thought.

 

"Are you kidding?" Psycho chuckled, "If that really is the cheese, it won't get scratched at all."

 

Silva had to admit that he was right. She set the cheese on the table and took a knife to it. It sliced right in half, revealing that it was a thin layer of paint over a mass of tan sculpting clay. "Damn it all!" Silva cried out, "I should have known!"

 

"Yes, it seems that Fluff Puff has a propensity for creating decoys," Psycho consoled her bitterly, remembering that he himself had been fooled handily by one of her works.

 

"So the cheese is still at her house..." mused Silva.

 

"Naturally," Psycho responded cooly, "but before you go charg-"

 

"I'm going to go get it!" Silva announced, interrupting Psycho and making for the door.

 

"Wait!" Psycho called out after her.

 

Silva stopped and turned around, "What?!" she snapped, losing her patience with this whole cheese business.

 

"What exactly do you hope to accomplish by barging in there again? They no doubt noticed the decoy was missing, so they'll be on full alert." Psycho paused as Silva mulled over his works, grudgingly agreeing with him. "You need a plan, and above all, you need intelligence. I can help with that"

 

"Ha!" Silva laughed, "Why should I trust you? You back-stabbed Fluff Puff after all!"

 

Psycho laughed too. "Of course I did! I had to make a deal with her to get the cheese, but I had no intention of ever letting her have it. She cannot be trusted at all. Double-crossing her," he concluded, "was a necessary evil to remove the cheese from the world once and for all."

 

Silva crossed her arms. "Fine," she said, "But you can't trust me either. I want to use it too and I don't care about most people!"

 

"You think I never wanted to use it?" Psycho asked sardonically, "Of course I did! And during one of the brief moments I actually had the cheese, I took samples of it and I studied it labouriouisly. Do you know where it came from? Do you WANT to know??" Psycho demanded.

 

"Um... er..." Silva stammered, "Do I...?"

 

"No. You do NOT."

 

Silva sighed. "Fine... so its evil... and any time its used, something terrible will happen, I take it?"

 

"Undoubtedly" he affirmed.

 

"Ok, I'll just leave it alone!" she decided, "Just leave it to them and stay out of it."

 

"I'm afraid its not that simple..." Psycho said, sadly, "If it were, do you think I'd be bothering with this nonsense? No... if that cheese is ever used, it will result in a destructive event whose magnitude I cannot currently estimate with any certainty, except to say that it will almost certainly irradiate an area of many miles' radius."

 

"So?" Silva asked.

 

Psycho was caught off guard by her genuine apathy. "I... it..." he stammered, then finally knew how to respond, "Kitty is within that radius you know..."

 

Silva gasped. "We have to do something!" she exclaimed, "I'll go there right now and-"

 

"No!" Psycho interrupted, "Didn't you hear what I said earlier? You don't have a chance in hell if you go in there unprepared!"

 

"Oh yea..." recalled Silva, "So what should we do then?"

 

"So, you're agreeing to let me help?" Psycho asked.

 

"Yea I guess... I should untie you I suppose." Silva walked toward him.

 

Psycho stood up, the duct tape bindings falling away in ribbands. "Nah, I'm good" he said, a tiny robot with a cutting tip scuttling over his shoulder, back into his chest pocket.

 

"What the hell!" Silva shouted, "Why were you sitting there like an idiot if you could get free?!"

 

"I had to if I wanted you to listen to me." he said nonchalantly, "Surveillance indicated that you were 67% more likely to trust a guy if he was bound."

 

Silva blushed, then thought about it a moment. "Wait god damn minute! What surveillance?!"

 

"Oh... its... its nothing really. Its a live feed through 7 layers of encryption protocol that retroactively filters out anything you don't want shown using time penetrating brain scans. Pretty standard stuff. Now we need to send out some scouts to Fluff Puff's house and see what she's up to."

 

"Wait!" Silva objected, "Live feed? Encryption?! Penetration...? Oh nevermind...." she relented, "Send your... scout thingies out there..." She sat down and started looking for the cameras which apparently surrounded her at all times of the day.

 

"Some are already on their way actually," he said, "For time's sake I couldn't wait for your approval." Psycho sat down on Silva's computer and pulled up a live feed from one of his surveillance scouts. It, accompanied by a handful of its companions, soared low over cars and fences through a residential neighbourhood. Suddenly Fluff Puff's house came into view.

 

"There!" Silva shouted, smudging the screen with her pointer finger.

 

"Yes I know," Psycho said, "I sent them there after all! Let's take a look." Psycho cycled through the feeds they were receiving until they located Fluff Puff and Danno. They were sitting in the living room, laughing about Silva's failure to acquire the cheese.

 

"...believe she fell for it!" Danno said, "After what you pulled on Psycho and Goon I didn't think anyone would fall for it again!"

 

"Well Witty Face always was pretty careless. She makes mistakes a lot. Also she doesn't like teamwork. She wouldn't ask any of the other people what I'd done to them to prepare."

 

"Her loss," Danno added, "Now when are you gonna let me use the cheese?"

 

"Oh... er... Soon!" Fluff Puff lied.

 

"Ok good. When I get it I'm gonna wish for world-"

 

Psycho cut the transmission to a different feed.

 

"Hey!" Silva shouted, "I was watching that! Um... I mean they were talking about the cheese!"

 

"Yes, well THIS robot," Psycho said indicating the feed they were now watching, "picked up a high concentration of Tetrodotoxin. Its the cheese!"

 

"Where?!" Silva exclaimed, leaning close to the screen.

 

"I don't know yet, let's see..." Psycho tapped at the keyboard, switching the video to show the results of the mass spectrometry scan. The Tetrodotoxin glowed bright white on the screen. It was in the shape of the cheese. "There!"

 

"She hid it under her pillow!" she shouted, "Of course!"

 

"Right. Now we know where it is," Psycho said, "We need to pl-"

 

"So just grab it and fly out of there!" Silva insisted.

 

"I can't do that," Psycho explained, "these robots don't have any kind of cargo retrieval or transport systems."

 

"Hmph," Silva pouted, "I suppose we're gonna have to go and get it ourselves."

 

"Yes we are." answered Psycho as two of his cat-scorpion robots stalked up to the house and waited outside. "While the other scout robots were providing surveillance, one was scanning her house and it uploaded the complete blue prints." Psycho printed out two copies and handed Silva one. "You knock the front door and distract her. I'll go in the back and release a retrieval robot into her air ducts. Then I'll make a lot of noise. Fluff Puff will come chase me out, and think she fended off the attack. The robot will travel through the ducts and come out in her room here..." he tapped the map where the air duct in Fluff Puff's room was, "...and swap the real cheese for the fake cheese she tricked you with."

 

"But that' one's all cut up!" Silva complained.

 

"I glued it together." Psycho assured her, "It'll be fine. It just needs to last long enough for us to destroy the cheese."

 

"Fine," Silva said and went outside, climbing onto one of the robots. Psycho climbed on the one next to her. "Well, here goes nothing..." she said morosely. The two robots dashed off heading towards Fluff Puff's house. They stopped a couple blocks away from Fluff Puff's house and went the rest of the way on foot, Psycho sneaking through trees and bushes towards the back while Silva walked in plain sight along the sidewalk. She saw the blinds in Fluff Puff's house bend downwards as someone inside peeked out, then snap back up as they let go.

 

Silva took a deep breath and walked up to Fluff Puff's door. She rang the bell and Fluff answered it, with Danno peeking over her shoulder. "What do you want?" She asked coldly, knowing this had to be about the cheese.

 

Silva panicked. She hadn't thought about HOW she was going to distract Fluff Puff. "Er... I just wanted to ask if we could share the cheese!" she finally announced.

 

"Fat chance!" Fluff Puff laughed. Silva saw over her shoulder that Psycho had slipped in the back door and was creeping towards the vent. "The cheese is all mine!" she proclaimed.

 

"And mine..." added Danno, annoyed. Silva watched as Psycho lifted the vent grate off and lowered his robot into it.

 

"Right," Fluff Puff corrected, "Ours."

 

"Come onnn" Silva pleaded. But before Fluff Puff could respond, Psycho shut the back door loudly, staying inside. Fluff Puff and Danno wheeled around.

 

"Its a trap!" Danno shouted and ran after Psycho. Silva immediately ran away from Fluff Puff's front door. Fluff didn't chase her, instead slamming it shut and locking it. She ran up to Danno who had tackled Psycho. Psycho was struggling, pushing himself towards the door, but Danno didn't notice, thinking it was all his efforts. Psycho wormed his way to the door, then got up and scrambled away as the back door was shut and locked behind him.

 

Psycho ran to where Silva was waiting by the scorpion-cat-bots. They hopped on and sped away back to Silva's house. Soon after, the retrieval and surveillance robots soared past them. They were waiting at Silva's house when the two arrived. Psycho opened the retrieval robot and pulled out the cheese. He grabbed a knife and stabbed it. The blade shattered.

 

"Phew..." he said, relieved, "We finally got it..."

 

"Yea but... that was a nice knife..." Silva complained

 

"Oh... sorry...." Psycho said, embarrassed. "Well, lets destroy the cheese now..."

[blaah]

Emily, slightly confused by how quickly she had been fooled, went and sat in her room. Knowing that Psycho and Wittyface wouldn't leave without taking the cheese, she was surprised to see the lump under her pillow. She lifted her pillow, only to find one of her decoys, which was clearly only being held together by super glue. "Yeah right, like I'd fall for one of my own decoys, how dumb are they?" she asked herself, pulling the cheese chunk apart. Fatigue began to set in. The last few days, battling for the cheese, had drained Emily of all of her energy. The best thing for her to do then would have been to go steal the cheese again so she could sleep peacefully, but instead she grabbed a few sleeping pills and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

 

Meanwhile, Psycho and Silver fought about where was the best place to destroy the cheese. Psycho, thinking rationally, decided it would be best to dispose of the now foul and stanky cheese on another planet. Silver thought it would be best to go put the cheese on Emily's house so Emily could never steal it again.

 

"Uhh, Emily's never going to be able to steal it again anyway," Psycho told Wits, "because we are DESTROYING it! And anyway, destroying the cheese anywhere on Earth could make a large portion of the world uninhabitable and then we'd all perish as well!"

 

"Yeah, but still, I think Emily should be blown up. She's smart and stuff, and she's only 16, so she has many years left to destroy the world, and if she took over the world she'd definitely sentence me to be her personal slave for all eternity!"

 

Psycho sighed. This argument had been going on for about three hours now, and his logic wasn't getting anywhere. Besides, Psycho thought, the cheese isn't going to be destroyed anyway, this was only an excuse to get Wits to help him steal the cheese and put her trust in him. Psycho took a deep breath.

 

"Well, my dear, if I may so call you. How would you feel if we sent Emily with the cheese to another planet to be destroyed? Then all your problems would be solved and we could perhaps finally have din-"

 

Wits cut him off. "Can I interrupt? Thanks. I just want Emily gone because she gave me a piece of crap robot as my hubby and I just want a new one!"

 

Psycho, now emotionally drained and rejected, calmly said "If I promise to get rid of Emily and build you a new robot, will you let me destroy the cheese somewhere else in the universe?"

 

Wits, excited, exclaimed, "YES! That's all I wanted in this whole arrangement! Sounds amazing!"

 

Psycho smiled on the outside, but now had to think of what he had to do to the cheese for real.

 

 

As Emily's cheese-stealing friends had their discussion, the sleep medication wore off. Emily began having vivid dreams, which gave her brilliant ideas dealing with how she is to go about stealing the cheese next. She woke up, refreshed and ready to pursue the cheese once again.

 

 

"Your robot is ready! And, I think I know how we'll get rid of Emily!" Psycho had fulfilled the tasks Wits had wanted him to do, so he was ready to get rid of HER and keep the cheese for himself. Psycho had decided that the only way for him to guarantee that he would have the cheese for himself was to destroy the other cheese-nappers, including Wits. Psycho sent his new transvestite robot to Wits to distract her while he created his spaceship to send off his enemies. "Enemies," he thought, "they're not really my enemies, more like frenemies. I like them. Except that Wits, she has never looked straight at me to notice all I want is HER. Well, if any of them are my enemies, it would be Wits and her robot. And perhaps Danno, his unnatural relations with Neysa are just too disturbing." Psycho continued working while Wits and her new robot pal, LEONARDO the Lover (Lame Excuse Of New And Really Disturbing Object the Lover), did unmentionable things together. From here, his tasks were easy. What Psycho didn't know was that Emily was preparing herself for battle with unprecedented weapons and methods.

 

Emily sat up, yawned, and smiled. She reached for a decoy cheese she had set on her bedside table as a constant reminder of her quest for control of the cheese. She then lifted her pillow, revealing residous from the real cheese. She took her decoy, which was a perfect model of the cheese, and rubbed it in the remains of the real cheese. She then took a cotton swab, removed the rest of the Tetrodotoxin, and headed for a nearby laboratory.

 

With the fake cheese and a sample of the chemical left by the real cheese, Emily entered the lab. Many scientists of all ages worked on projects: some involving mold growth, some involving DNA samples, some students practicing typing blood. Emily's attention was drawn to a young man who was way too attractive to be a science geek in the corner, working on a station with a sign above it that said "EVIL SCIENCE". Emily quickly walked towards the man and his station.

 

"Well hello there, miss, you don't look like you could be working on anything evil," the young man said with a smile. Emily smiled back. "Is there anything I could assist you with today? You look like you haven't been exposed to anything evil whatsoever." Emily smiled again, and walked to a microscope next to him.

 

"Actually, there is something, and you're correct, I'm not experienced in this field. I need to reproduce a sample toxin I found in... my house." Emily tried thinking quickly of a reason. "I think it was left there by someone, an ex of mine!" Full lies. "He spilled in my room and ruined all of my things. I intend to create more of the chemical and pour it all over HIS things, if you could help me." She smiled, and received a smile in return.

 

"Well, I believe I may be able to help you. My name is Dexter, and I am an aspiring Nobel prize winner. For now though, I must work in a public lab. I can't wait until I have my own laboratory." Dexter pronounced laboratory in an interesting way. After stating his dream, he blushed. "In this public lab, I assist people with evil, only because usually evil people have a lot of scientific connections or money at their disposal. You appear to have neither though, but you seem to possess a certain charm and ability to be devious. I like you, I believe we will work well together." His smile distracted Emily for a moment, but she quickly returned her attention to the Tetrodotoxin. Dexter reached for it.

 

"Is this the sample in question?" He reached for it and removed the swab from the bag. He then proceeded to look at it in a microscope. "Wow, this is amazing," he stated, "I can't figure out what substance this is. Do you have any clue?"

 

Emily knew exactly what she was dealing with. She had spent years of her short life researching the cheese, dreaming of one day being its beholder. She had never imagined that she would be in such a battle to obtain it after having it so many times. She stopped thinking about her achievements and quickly told him no and that she had no experience in the area of chemistry other than the class she took at her high school. Dexter laughed and told her not to worry and that he could recreate it backwards and figure out what it was composed of. He then started doing his lab work and told Emily that he only needed one thing from her and he would do everything for her.

 

"What is it that you need?" Emily asked curiously, wondering what this young scientist would want. She looked at him as he removed his goggles and saw his eyes, filled with passion and depth. She waited for his answer.

 

"All I really need from you is to talk with me. I'm not suggesting anything... uhh, suggestive, just... Just someone to talk to. Nobody really cares for me." Dexter looked down, slightly embarrassed.

 

Emily, confused, asked him if he was telling the truth. "Have you looked in a mirror? You're BEAUTIFUL, you're an aspiring world-class scientist, and your voice is deep and wonderful! You're full of insight and potential! If all you want is someone to talk to, I'd be HONORED!"

 

Dexter laughed. "Nobody's ever said that about me, thanks. Since you've agreed to talk to me, I'd be glad to do your work," Dexter said, with rosy cheeks and a dashing smile. Emily matched his smile, and Dexter went right to work.

 

As Dexter worked, the two talked for hours. Dexter told Emily about his rough childhood, constantly tormented by people who thought his wishes were ridiculous. Emily listened patiently and related things she had seen to parts of his story. The two laughed and bonded. Dexter hit a point in his story where he paused and asked Emily a question.

 

"Are you really planning on using the product of my science to attack an ex-boyfriend?" Emily, feeling guilty for her pathetic lie, turned her head.

 

"No," she said, "no I'm not. It's actually for a different and less glorious selfish purpose of mine. It's actually, well, it's hard to explain. See this chunk of cheese here?" She held up the decoy, which glowed a bit from the traces of the chemical she had previously smeared on it. "See this cheese?"

 

Dexter, confused, said yes. Emily proceeded to explain that it was simply a decoy for the cheese she was actually pursuing. He listened attentively, similarly to the way she had listened to him, while he continued working with the Tetrodotoxin. He was nearing completion of his project. Emily told him of all of her past attempts to control the cheese and how every time she had lost the cheese, to worthy opponents. She paused to make sure everything could sink in.

 

"I completely understand if you think I'm criminally insane and would like to splash that toxin on me right now and light me up. Except, of course, that might cause the world to end, which wouldn't be smart."

 

Dexter laughed. "I would never do that, even though I've felt like completely ruining society sometimes!" He took a breath, and continued. "I completely understand why you wish to have the cheese so badly. I've wanted things that badly before, and I can relate to you. I'm embarassed to admit it, but I'm actually younger than I appear. I'm only 17, and the reason I spend all my time here is because my family rejected me. All I have to live for is my work in this lab. My dreams have driven me to completely change my lifestyle and grow up all too quickly. Your situation seems similar. You haven't been rejected, but you want something so badly that you will give up a lot of other things in its pursuit. Unlike me though, you have kept connections with your previous, simple life. I wish I could be like you."

 

Emily noticed the sparkle in his eye and felt a slight bit of regret for talking to him so much. Her obsession with the cheese consumed her at times, and there was no way she could possibly continue following it without disappointing him somehow. For the slightest moment, Emily considered giving it all up to live normally again and be without the stress of constantly pursuing the cheese. Emily shook her head and knew she couldn't possibly give the cheese up. She then looked to Dexter and asked him something.

 

"Dexter, you seem to be a wonderful person, and I feel so sorry that everyone has rejected you. But I can see that you understand that I live for the cheese, and seeing your pain makes my heart contract. Would you like to follow me in pursuit of the cheese?"

 

Dexter turned around, removed his goggles and labcoat, and looked into Emily's eyes. The intensity of his gaze gave Emily chills, and she took a breath. "Yes," he said, "I would very much like that. With your strong skills with people and my interest and aptitude for the sciences, we'd make an unbeatable pair. Yes." Dexter smiled, breaking the intensity a bit and lightening everything. Emily smiled back, pleased that she could have everything she wanted all at once. Dexter put his goggles back on and told Emily the Tetrodotoxin was prepared. She prepared her decoy and whispered her plan to Dexter. He told her it was a perfect plan and would work certainly. The two exited the lab, decoy cheese prepared, ready for battle.

 

Meanwhile, Psycho's spaceship was completed, and he had already placed Silver, LEONARDO, and Danno inside it, along with a few of his enemies from before he became consumed by the cheese. All he had left to do was to take Emily and get her on his ship. He used his cameras and spotted her, with Dexter, outside the lab, laughing. "Well," Psycho said to himself, "this shall be easier than I had previously thought. The girl's mind is off the cheese altogether, she's with a young man laughing. Certainly she won't see THIS coming." Psycho, who had previously planned to send robots to get Emily, decided that he was safe to get her on his own. He climbed into a replica Batmobile, and, feeling cool, drove off towards the lab. He knew it was easy from here on out.

 

"You mean you fooled more experienced cheese-chasers with a mediocre replica previously? That's ridiculous! You're just too smart!" Dexter exclaimed, laughing. He and Emily were finished with a meal and ready to get the cheese. Headed towards Psycho's house, where Emily had guessed the cheese would be, the two continued on. However, Psycho, sitting in his car, intended to foil these plans. He glanced through his tinted windows at Emily. All of a sudden, his view was blocked by a policeman.

 

"Sir, you do know that the car you are driving isn't state registered? Also, your windows are too dark, there is a limit to how tinted windows can be in Minnesota. May I see your license and registration?" The cop glared at Psycho, not at all amused at the fact that he was driving a cheap replica of a vehicle from a superhero show. Psycho scrambled for his license, but found nothing. He hadn't actually renewed his license for a number of years and was driving illegally, very illegally, and was angry at himself for neglecting to consider this before going for a joy ride. He was especially angry at himself for thinking this joy ride would be a simple victory lap to obtain his cheese. He sighed and stepped out of the car.

 

As Psycho stepped out, Emily noticed him. She turned quickly and put up her hood even though she knew Psycho would know she was there anyway. Dexter asked what she was doing.

 

"That guy, that guy back there, he's Psycho! As in, not literally... well yes, literally, and literally the guy who is constantly stealing the cheese from me and backstabbed me! He is my strongest opponent, my arch-nemesis, if you will." Dexter nodded, and Emily hurried. She knew that Psycho wouldn't have the cheese with him, but wondered why he would ever leave it alone either. Had he lost it? The only way to find out would be to go to his home and search for it.

 

Emily and Dexter arrived at the house, and found the cheese quickly, replacing it with the decoy. "That was too easy," Emily stated, confused. She then discovered a large spaceship that had not existed the previous time she had entered Psycho's house. She walked into the ship, only to discover her other enemies strapped to chairs, including a new (and clearly transvestite) robot. Wits's and Danno's mouths were taped shut. Emily laughed and walked out to find the computer controlling this ship. She saw it was headed for a black hole somewhere at the edge of the galaxy, and laughed again, with a slightly evil tone. Dexter matched this and the two discussed what to do next.

 

"Why don't you just go get that Psycho, bail him out of jail, and send him off to the black hole with the others? Problem solved, peace of mind for you, and possession of the cheese for quite a while until someone else decides to try to steal it from you!" Dexter proposed a sound plan. Emily considered, and answered:

 

"Your plan is perfect. I can bail Psycho out, tempt him with his cheese, and tell him I'd like to help him get rid of everyone, as long as he doesn't send me off too. I'll tell him I have the cheese for now, but if the war is just between two of us, it'll be much simpler and we can possibly work out a deal. I'll just tell him that I won't mention his little mishap with the cops and let him avoid the embarassment. It'll be wonderful!" Emily was excited. Everything was in place.

 

Emily and Dexter headed to bail Psycho out. They paid the small fine and laughed at him a bit before discussing his release. Emily agreed that if she could sent the ship off, she'd release him, and he'd leave her alone for a few days before trying to steal the cheese again. They shook on it. Dexter, who had been silent, introduced himself to Psycho and spoke with him about random things while Emily led them back to Psycho's house.

 

The trio entered the house. Psycho explained the controls to the ship, and Emily prepared to send it off. Just as she began counting down, she had Dexter throw Psycho onto the ship. "So long, Psycho!" Emily shouted, feeling amazing about how well everything had turned out. The ship blasted off, carrying her enemies. Emily was left to be on Earth with the cheese and Dexter. Everything was working well.

 

The ship carrying the unfortunate victims of Emily's amazing plan headed for the edge of the universe. Just as it passed Jupiter, a meteor struck it. The ship slowed so significantly that it was pulled by Jupiter's gravity and went into orbit. By this time, Psycho had freed himself and the others to walk within the ship. Now in orbit of Jupiter, instead of being in a black hole, the group had to figure out what to do.

 

Emily was situated on Earth, in an environment calmer than she had experienced in a great while. She slept peacefully, cheese at her side, dreaming of the possibilities she now had of a peaceful and perfect life. Reality was on her side, thanks to her planning, the cheese, and the help of a wonderful scientist. All was almost too perfect.

[silver_wits]

Inside the spaceship was awesome! Then Danno and Neysa joined Silver while Psycho continued preparations and tried looking for Fluffy. Humming to herself, Silver Wits turned on a DVD player and started the movie "Oscar". Danno and Neysa went into the kitchen to do their unmentionable things, and came out with a delicious buffet of goodies. Tarts, pops, patties, pie, cake, ice-cream, jello, macaroni, chowmein, fried rice, roast pork, etc. "Wow, ever since you guys teamed up for cooking, you turned geniuses!! I love the food!" Silver said, her mouth watering at the delicious and decadent delights.

 

Danno and Neysa got angry at Silver, "Why does everyone think we're in some sort of deviant relationship?"

Silver Wits, a patty in her mouth, almost spit it out.. but managed at the last moment to shove it back into her mouth and chew. It was a disgusting sight to see. "Um don't kill the messenger! you guys didn't want people to know about your love for cooking because you didn't want to share. Blame yourselves! This is what you get when you try to hide stuff." Silver wits angrily retorted.

 

"Pshhht. Whatever." Danno said. Neysa neighed in agreement.

 

Silver Wits glared at them, and sat down to watch the movie with Danno and his horsie. After the movie was finished, wondering where Psycho was, she changed the channel, and came onto the robot webcam that was following Psycho, and giving a live feed onto the TV. Silver and Danno both stared in shock as the events unfolded. They saw just how Psycho wanted to get rid of them all to gain unlimited power. Then they saw Dexter push Psycho into the ship, and they were all blasting off.

 

As Psycho was pushed into the ship, he encountered the stony gazes of all his would-be victims, and everyone ignored him. Soon they were in orbit around Jupiter.

 

Finally, after a few days of talking to everyone loudly and energetically as if they were all good friends, while ignoring Psycho Robot; Silver Wits went into her room, locking the door behind her, and sitting on the bed to think.

 

Finally it hit her. Where did Silver usually reside? [see her location]. Silver Wits jumped up and went to the kitchen, where she got some Salt and then drew some weird symbols onto the floor and summoned the demon from hell.

 

"|-|3LL0 7|-|3R3 L177L3 \/\/175!" Said the demon.

 

Silver Wits squinted her eyes and tried to read the text. Viola! she took off her glasses and could read.

 

"Yo" She said.

 

"\/\/|-|'/ |-|4\/3 j00Z $U/\/\/\/\0|\|3D /\/\3 0|-| 9r3@ \/\/17$?" Asked the demon.

 

"I need to get back to earth and get the cheese." Said Silver Wits in reply to the demon.

 

"W|-|@ \/\/1LL j00Z 91\/3 /\/\3 1|\| p4'//\/\3|\|7 1Ph 1 |-|3LP j00Z?" asked the demon.

 

Silver Wits thought about it a little bit. "You can have Psycho Robot in payment. He still hasn't sold his soul... you can either have his whole body to do what you will, or you can have half his soul."

 

"7|-|4|\||< j00Z!" Said the demon.

 

Everyone in the room looked at Psycho. Psycho thought about it for a few minutes, feeling rushed as everyone was pressuring him with their gazes and finally declared "You can have my body but none of my soul!"

 

Silver Wits smirked at this as she imagined what was in store for the Psychotic Robot.

 

The demon smiled evilly as well, then snapped his fingers, and poof. They were transported back to Earth, without one Psycho Robot.

 

Back on earth, in the middle of the Gobi Desert, far far away from Fluffy as one can imagine, Silver Wits and crew were in the Spaceship. Everyone glared at Silver Wits, who seemed un-affected and kept glancing at her watch. "Soon my precious" she intoned.

 

Just then, Fluffy and Dexter came into view, riding camels, and acting as though they were on a honeymoon.

 

"Look at that ugly nerd Fluff Puff is with! Eeeew! She could have so done better!" Said Silver Wits.

 

Dexter started crying. "The only reason why Fluff Puff was with you in the first place was to gain the cheese!" Silver wits said.

 

Fluffy got desperate. "I don't need the cheese anymore! I want you Dexter! I love you!" She threw the cheese in Silver Wits' direction, and hugged Dexter.

 

Silver Wits smiled evily.

 

btw, for anyone that can't translate leet, here's a translator.

http://www.brenz.net/services/l337Maker.asp

[blaah]

As everyone poofed away and only Emily and Dexter remained, Emily stumbled to the place where she threw the cheese to Wits, vomited, took a few steps in the opposite direction, and fainted. She went into another deep, dream-filled sleep like the last time she had come up with a plan to steal the cheese. Right when a new plan was becoming clear, Emily woke up to Dexter shaking her.

 

"Excuse me, I was sleeping, what are you doing to me?" Emily was quite disoriented, and waking up in the middle of the dream startled her significantly. Dexter got a shocked look on his face at her anger.

 

"I... you... I... you were shaking, what were you dreaming about? You were hyperventilating and shaking like someone was killing you! I... I was just trying to help!"

 

Emily thought back to what she had been dreaming of. Had she been getting killed. She thought hard. She had been dreaming that she was at the top of a mountain, reached for the cheese... Maybe she had been dying.

 

"Oh, thanks, maybe it was a nightmare. How long have I been sleeping?"

 

"Quite a while now actually, you passed out after that one lady stole the cheese and then yeah you've been out since then, it's probably been 2 days almost, and I don't know why you passed out but --"

 

"SHE HAS MY CHEESE? WITS TOOK MY CHEESE?" Emily did not remember this at all. The cheese is gone? What on Earth happened? The plan had been perfect, she hadn't been prepared for an attack though, but still, she would remember something that horrible happening!

 

Dexter looked at Emily, very confused. "Of course she took the cheese, you told her you didn't want it and only wanted me, I was extremely flattered but then you threw up and fainted and slept for a couple days so I haven't been able to ask you about it at all--"

 

Emily interrupted again. "I said THAT? I mean, wow, that must have given you ideas, and I don't want to break your heart or anything but was it really believable? Do I really seem like the type to give up what I have wanted for my entire life for someone I met a couple days ago? No offense, but I wouldn't give up the cheese completely at all... But I won't give you up either, but really how did I lose the cheese?"

 

Dexter appeared to be disappointed, but tried not to reflect it in his voice. "Wits said something offensive to me about how I'm ugly, then you threw her the cheese in my defense. Then I told you, you fainted."

 

Emily told Dexter that she's more defensive than she thinks sometimes and that she must have had something in her mind that made her act so quickly. She added that she isn't saying the cheese is more or less important, but she believes in the concept of a healthy balance. The two began walking towards a nearby oasis.

 

Meanwhile, Wits stroked the cheese lovingly while sitting with her robo-lover. Danno and Neysa played in the desert. Psycho's soul and body suffered greatly.

 

Emily knew she needed to act fast. Wits would be expecting her, but the attack needed to leave Wits wondering what had happened like Wits had done to Emily. Emily decided she was going to be simple and drug Wits. It would be easy, since anything that possibly could be eaten and taste good would appeal to Wits, even if it came from an untrusted enemy.

 

Apparently Dexter is a master chef as well as chemist, so he baked a cake and drugged it for Emily. While he cooked, he asked Emily if he was ugly, which he isn't. Emily explained that Wits hadn't been wearing her glasses and needs them to see anything at all. When the cake was finished, Emily sent Dexter to deliver it to Wits while Emily snuck around the back of the house and located the cheese. Dexter rung the doorbell, and Wits immediately answered, wearing her glasses.

 

"Who are you? And who is that cake for?" Wits noticed that whoever this man was, he was attractive, and had food. He was obviously worth trusting.

 

"Oh, the cake's for you. And I'm Dexter, I thought you'd recognize me, you called me ugly--"

 

"OHH, I wasn't wearing my glasses! No, you're pretty, and now you have food, come right in!" Wits smiled deviously because she was using Dexter for the tasty food he had and Dexter smiled deviously because the cake was poisoned.

 

Emily went in the back, found the cheese in the fridge among regular cheese (what an original place to hide it), and hurried out, while Wits complimented Dexter on the cake. Dexter left a couple hours after giving Wits the recipe and making her another cake. Emily and Dexter met up again and ran off with the cheese, laughing at how simple that was.

[silver_wits]

After Dexter left, Silver Wits sat in her house eyeing up the two cake and wondering which one she should eat first. Due to lack of exercise, she had been packing on the pounds lately.. So she decided to go and exercise.

 

After walking the cat in the park, ie being chased by vicious dogs, Silver Wits stumbled into her home, and sat down, holding kitty, panting. A few minutes later, she recovered enough, and decided to go eat her cake. And came across a terrifying sight.

 

To explain this, we need to backtrack a little.

 

back to when Psycho Robot was hauled off to hell to rent his body out to some demons in exchange for a free and safe ride back home for us.

 

Psycho gleefully skipped along with the demon on his way to use his body for the demons. From what little he knew of hell, he suspected that he would be losing something that young girls hold dear. His innocence. He would soon learn the ways of torture! However, the demon simply led him into an office.

 

where he had to work.. and his boss yelled at him all the time.

 

 

he spent most of his time playing games like this:

http://cantyouseeimbusy.com/

 

and then his boss caught him, and blocked his computer from all sites not affiliated with the company..

 

Anyways, When our dear Psycho Robot was released from hell, he came to Silver Wit's house to get revenge. He had been hiding there when Emily and her consort Dexter came to visit, and he had seen when the Fluff Puff had stolen the cheese. But he was not going to get his revenge on Emily till later. right now he had to get his revenge on Silver Wits.

 

So he ate one of her cakes.. the chocolate one that Dexter had brought to Silver's house. It was delicious.

 

And then Silver Wits walked into her kitchen and saw him.. with cake crumbs all over his face, and one of her cakes missing.

 

understandably, she flipped out. And grabbed a fork.. and attacked.. the other cake. Stuffing it down her face in 5 seconds flat.

 

"You ate a whole cake!! you didn't even let me have a taste!" Silver said to Psycho.

 

"Oh yea? Well when I was in hell I didn't get to be tied up and tortured by some hot female demon with tentacles"

 

Silver pursed her lips in thought, "Was it a male demon with tentacles?"

 

Psycho blushed red and stammered "Gosh-h n-n-noo"

 

"Well hell isn't supposed to be enjoyable" Silver said pragmatically.

 

Psycho hung his head in shame... "It would have been interesting even with a male demon!"

 

Silver shook her head, and said "Well, tell you what, if I ever turn into a demon with tentacles, I'll make it up to you and punish you.. ok?"

 

Psycho shuddered in revulsion at her touch... "Emily took the cheese."

 

Silver saw red. "Grrrr! I'll get that thieving little fluff puff!!" she said. And then jumped out the window. [the ground floor window] and ran to Emily's house.

 

"Emily and Dexter were sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes---" Danno was singing in an off tone voice to fluff puff. Emily threw the first thing she could at Danno to shut him up. that turned out to be the cheese. Danno instinctively flinched [probably due to years of such sibling abuse] and shielded himself.

 

Silver Wits stepped in, caught the cheese, and used the cheese to teleport back home where she shoved the cheese under her bed, and then made Psycho cook her some Potato Salad.

 

*edit* the poision will take about 4 hours to make it through my system. I did this all in less than 4 hours from the time I ate the cake.

[blaah]

Soon after the cheese was thrown away, Emily noticed Dedter had ran away crying about Danno's verbal abuse, to this, Emily reacted rationally:

 

"Stupid emo nerd stole my he-- cheese! It's his fault! I now must give my full attention to stealing the cheese instead of some romanticized fantasy about a slightly helpful science geek!"

 

Emily sat in a tree repeating this thought for about five weeks, hence this post (and the changing over of the cheese) being delayed so long.

 

When Emily thought clearly, she went to wits' house, where wits welcomed her in. Wits immediately handed over the chess because she was paranoid that psycho would come to steal it. She was also bored of not having cheese to steal.

[silver_wits]

Silver Wits ran after Fluff Puff 5 minutes later. she had been under some sort of drug influenced hallucination and had thought that Fluff Puff was the fridge. She glomped Fluffy and pickpocketed the cheese..

 

Then waved at her and went back into her house, locking her door.

[Tesset]

I raised my head from meditation what seemed like no time later, but what I realized must have been weeks. I looked around, my throat parched, and my stomach aching for food, but I ignored them. I knew what I had to do.

 

But first; no sense stealing the cheese on an empty stomach. My feet carried me toward home of their own accord, but I stopped to drink from a river lazily flowing near my path. From my stooped position, I heard sobs. I looked around, wondering who might be crying here, in the middle of nowhere. I thought of going on-my natural choice, I must admit, sometimes I could be too cruel-but something told me that I needed to stay. I searched the bushes for a moment, and finding nothing, climbed a tree. From there I saw, across the river, a lone man. He was one of those people I could tell that my friends would have been sad, though not altogether surprised, to find was taken. I hopped down, and waded across the water noisily. The crying stopped, but I continued on toward where he had been. I stood outside where he had been hiding, and contemplated my next move.

 

I came to my decision. "OOGA BOOGA!" I yelled, jumping into the clearing. The fist caught me in the face, but it wasn't a particularly powerful punch. "Ow, that hurt!" I said, then started laughing. The kid backed off a couple paces, and I sobered, but continued smiling.

 

"Who-who are you?" He asked, shaking slightly.

 

"That's a funny question." I replied. "The answer, however, is who am i?"

 

"Wh-what?"

 

"That's my name. who am i? All lowercase if you please. However, you can call me Tyler if you want." His face scrunched up in confusion. "Or you can call me Who. That one can be capitalized or not, take your pick. But that's what most of my friends call me. Now then, I believe the proper action for me to take is to ask your name. You can give me one, if you like. In fact, that would be preferred, because I tend to get confused easily. That's one of the drawbacks of my nickname, I never know if when someone says 'Who's your daddy!' they're saying it as a question or a statement. Occupational hazard, you might say. Except it's more of a nomial haz-" I spied the look on his face. "Oh, I'm talking to much, aren't I? I do that sometimes. Go ahead, what's your name?"

 

"I'm Dexter..." he replied shakily.

 

"Dexter...Like Dexter's Laboratory!" I was careful to pronounce "Laboratory" as Dexter always had in the cartoon. "I loved that show!"

 

I saw his face warm at the way I pronounced "Laboratory." "Wait, Who?" He said, clearly thinking. "Like...Like Psycho! You have a weird name just like he did!"

 

"Did?" I asked. "Wait...Psycho! Psycho Robot! So, you're wrapped up in this cheese thing too?"

 

"Yeah...I helped Emily for a while. She..she said she loved me. But, after she had the cheese, she hid away from me, and she said she never wanted to see me again. I...I ran. It's all I could do. I-"

 

"Stop." I interrupted. "Let me tell you something. That cheese-it's evil. But I suppose you know that much. But the real thing is, it's...well, it's like a drug. A very powerful drug, one that's very addicting and whose hallucinations are so real, they mean something. I've been trapped into the cheese before, and you wouldn't believe what happened then.

 

"For a long time, I could cast magic. But, that power slowly faded away with time. I guess I left it behind. Psycho was one of the main contenders for the cheese all that time ago. But, when Psycho wasn't there...I was king. I raised an army-an army of rats, truth be told. Mutant, ninja, super-intelligent rats. They were joined by three nations' armies. All fighting over a rotten, smelly piece of cheese.

 

"It wasn't real, it was all a hallucination. It was something that my mind created to force me to fight for the cheese. I understand this now. All of those addicted to the cheese share the same hallucination. It's like a dream, it changes on a whim. Have you noticed how the cheese never stays in one person's hands? Me, I escaped...for a while. But I'm a true addict. I'm always called back. And I always heed the call.

 

"But now, I'm going to end this. I'm not going to destroy the cheese. Whatever made the cheese-and it wasn't nature, I know that much-made it so that it couldn't be destroyed, at least not in our minds. But I'm going to revoke everyone else from it. I'm going to take the cheese, and make all it's "power" mine. Hopefully, that will let everyone escape, and I will be the only one trapped in the land of the cheese."

 

I ended my speech, which I hadn't intended to give, and looked at Dexter. His level gaze told me that he wasn't convinced. I sighed.

 

"Listen. Dexter. I don't know if you're real, or you're a hallucination from one the cheese obsessed people. But, if you are real, then that means that being free of the cheese means you can be with Emily. And she won't fight against it anymore. And if you aren't real-well, then you're going to help me, because Emily's forgotten you at this point, so you're my hallucination. So, you might as well come."

 

Dexter stood up. We clasped hands, and in that single moment, we were outside Wits's house. Emily was walking away, angry, and Dexter stepped towards her, but I layed my hand gently on his shoulder, and he nodded. We snuck around back, and opened the door. I tapped Wits on the shoulder, and she turned.

 

"Hello dear." I said. "I'm your transvestite robot mate. Perhaps I could hold the cheese for you for a moment and we could share and embrace?" I kept my voice monotone, but knew it would work, because that was how I willed it.

 

"YES!" Wits yelled, apparently rapturous at the fact that she had a transvestite robot. She held the cheese out, then held out her arms out for a hug. I embraced her lightly, brotherly, but she mistook this and held me to her.

 

Just then, something happened that I hadn't expected. Kitty walked into the room, and meowed importantly. I felt Silver tense, and she shoved me away.

 

"WHO AM I?!?" She screamed.

 

"Please." I replied, my voice casual but my mind calculating. "All lowercase."

 

"I WILL KILL YOU!" She raged. I flinched from her unabated fury, and the cheese disappeared from my hand.

 

"Wits, stop." I said, calmly. "There's things you have to know about that cheese."

 

"I'LL NEVER GIVE YOU THE CHEESE!" Her rage continuing, no matter my own tone. The room seemed to bend in to her, and I knew I had to act.

 

"ENOUGH!" Authority rang through my voice. I held up my hands and power cackled through me. I focused it, and threw it at her. The air rippled as it passed into her, and back out. Wits fell to the ground, breathing heavily.

 

"H-How did you-? That kind of power should only come from the cheese!"

 

"Simple, Silver. I know of this world. It's a world of our making. I don't need the cheese for the power. I simply need the power." I pulled my hands back, and the cheese zoomed into them from Wits's open hand. "It's something you'll learn, I hope." I swirled the cloak which hadn't been on my back a moment before through the air, and where it passed, I simply disappeared.

 

Back at the stream, I looked at the thing in my hand. It was the cheese-I hadn't harmed it, so I knew it must be. But I knew I was forgetting someth-

 

"Dexter!" I yelled.

[Tesset]

.

[silver_wits]

Staring in shock at Tyler the Who, who had just been there moments ago before vanishing infront of my eyes... I was just shocked. I had forgotten the many powers of the cheese.. Taken for granted it's awesome cheesy-ness... and I had been so easily tricked into giving up the cheese. All for a hug from a transvestite robot.

 

Maybe it really was time to move on.. and not be attracted to transvestite robots.. It was something that I was not sure was possible.. as robots are so cool and amazing.. Their hard bodies pressed against mine.. but wait... who's body was pretty hard.. I had actually been fooled that he was a robot--

 

A soft scratching sound came.. I had groceries to pack up.. and had left a bag of kitty food out in the open! Kitty was demolishing the bag! That unmistakeable scratching sound was her tearing the bag open.. I had to act.. and fast.

 

I arrived too late.. kitty had bored a hole in her brand new food bag. I made her sit on the computer table where I could see her while I plotted on how to get my.. no our cheese back. Her purring calmed me down and made me think more clearly.

 

First I had to get over my lust for transvestite robots. "But how?" I wondered out loud... "I just lost the game!" I announced to them...

 

Both Fluffy and Dexter screwed up their faces.. "we just did too you moron!" they told me...m

 

Purring, she asked me to stop as it was horrible kissy torture.

 

"I will stop if you get me the cheese again." I replied to her feeble protests...

 

Kitty tensed.. then flew out of my arms and out of a window...

 

She ran to the river, following her intuition and stumbled across who am i. she spared no mercy on him.. as her side job to support her catnip habit was as a kitty assassin. She took the cheese from him, leaving him all scratched up and bleeding... and returned to me with the cheese..

 

I laughed and took the cheese from her..

 

Then I picked her up and kissed her soft white belly over and over as her reward.<3:

[H2PM]

[silver_wits]

*throws halo's trapcard into the fire*

 

[Sam]

I extinguish the fire, and subsequently take the card.

[Tesset]

Sorry guys, I still have the cheese. I ignored the trap card.

[Dax]

And by I, you obviously mean me.

[silver_wits]

*slaps daxter until he drops the cheese* We had a good thing going! *picks up the cheese and continues hitting his butt*

 

 

<_<

[Abc1230]