"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Askthedude]

Girls are [bleep]y, it's a fact. Well most are.

Just throwing it out there. :rolleyes:

 

But anyhow, a girl that I know who´s in my class that I never really knew all that well recently asked for my msn. I gave it to her and we started talking. The next day at school she is constantly slipping in comments to me and things like that (can't really explain it all that well).

And today whilst I was talking to her I asked her why she didn't come down to the bar after a basketball match, she said she didn't know we were going and she had met with some friends to watch a film, but if I had phoned her or sent a text she would have come down just to say hi to me and that.

So anyway, I was wondering if this is because she's attracted to me or if it's just her trying to be friendly because i've recently started hanging out with a group of friends that she's part of.

 

Tl;dr/didn't understand me at all: Girl paying attention to me, flirting slightly, the usuall shabang. What does she want?

[deathdrow]

All women are [bleep]ing [bleep]s. I've figured that out the hard way like four times.

[TTanT]

All women are [bleep]ing [bleep]s. I've figured that out the hard way like four times.

 

I beg to differ.

[tripsis]

All women are [bleep]ing [bleep]s. I've figured that out the hard way like four times.

 

I beg to differ.

Yeah, four experiences does not suddenly mean that ALL women are like that ;) It means that at least four are.

[Iamdan]

I've noticed a lot of posts basically saying they weren't interested in a girl, but she was showing interest so all of a sudden they like her. #-o

 

Askthedude, it's impossible to be sure without seeing her body language etc, but going by that I'd say she might like you. It could also mean she is just being friendly though, I suggest you read up on body language.

 

Food for thought, from one of the very few people who knows what they are talking about:

 

http://www.fastseduction.com/discussion/fs?action=9&boardid=2&read=100386&fid=23

 

I think this is just general knowledge though, probably not amongst the wannabe puras who take the specific techniques and routines too seriously.

 

Social value is hypothetical, but it''s still there in a way. Of course putting too much importance on it will cause problems.

 

I just realized how little sense that last part is, I'll clarify.

 

I social value is how others perceive you and you perceive them, because everyone sees you as an object, just like you see everyone else as an object. Sure you can have empathy but you aren't inside their head like they are and have no accurate idea about their secret thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams and problems. If you live with and love a person for long enough you can get much closer than anybody else, but you still really have no idea even if you think you do.

 

Perceiving yourself by your social value would be pretty fake and stupid because you're objectifying yourself.

 

I disagree with his theory that some women will see "the real you" instead of your social value. This is an afc's myth. As I said, after a long enough time together they will know more than most, but I know more about attraction than relationships. I'm pretty sure almost everyone below age 30 or so would be basically clueless about relationships too.

[TTanT]

^I don't think I've ever thought that way, to be honest. Unless we have different ideas of what "social value" is.

 

Could you explain what your idea of it is, please?

[Lenticular_J]

It's really just how others perceive you. Attractiveness and how outgoing you are (if you're a good-looking fellow surrounded by friends) are the two main factors. Well, more presentation than attractiveness - we've been over that. Anyways, other things can factor in too, but that's to another level (celebrity stuff).

 

But if you present yourself well and tend to be friendly with everyone, you're perceived as having a higher social value then a lone person who dogs on everyone.

 

That's how I see social value.

 

OH, also: busy week for me. Organized four dates thus far, probably will involve baklava and kite-flying. Semi-hooked up with a girl last night (maybe early this morning). I was in Amarillo and me and some friends went to a field-party. Most people got royally smashed, I was doing alright too. Was messing around with her, started doing some stuff - she ran off to puke and then went home. As I recall, she only had a couple of beers too.

 

I was sad. Well, my penis was more sad.

[Alexpop11]

It's really just how others perceive you. Attractiveness and how outgoing you are (if you're a good-looking fellow surrounded by friends) are the two main factors. Well, more presentation than attractiveness - we've been over that. Anyways, other things can factor in too, but that's to another level (celebrity stuff).

 

But if you present yourself well and tend to be friendly with everyone, you're perceived as having a higher social value then a lone person who dogs on everyone.

 

That's how I see social value.

 

OH, also: busy week for me. Organized four dates thus far, probably will involve baklava and kite-flying. Semi-hooked up with a girl last night (maybe early this morning). I was in Amarillo and me and some friends went to a field-party. Most people got royally smashed, I was doing alright too. Was messing around with her, started doing some stuff - she ran off to puke and then went home. As I recall, she only had a couple of beers too.

 

I was sad. Well, my penis was more sad.

 

How would you perceive a lone person whos friendly with everyone?

[Kalphite]

no, i believe her, I already knew that she was in choir too so it's not like its anything unrealistic. It's just that I specifically asked her to that dance, not on a normal date I guess (meaning she might have been thinking we were going as friends or something like Amy did, then again Amy was gay), so I don't really know how to react to this now. I guess that would be my question then: Should I still be trying to date her or should I stop because of this?

 

Don't let it deter you too much from her. The excuse sounded pretty legit to me. However if she gives you another excuse next attempt, take that as the hint to back off. This is a speed bump, not a road block.

 

Alright, Thanks. Now, I have a bit of a snag as to what exactly to attempt next. I figure that I should probably act again this week or else possibly be friendzoned. However, there are a couple issues. I can't do anything most weekdays due to homework and drama rehearsals (though she's in drama with me anyways so it's not like I wouldn't be seeing her at all). Also, Friday is the first drama competition at like 5:00, and though the play only takes about 45 minutes, there will probably be rehearsal or a cast dinner or something afterward, so it would be sort of difficult to plan something that night. Also, I don't know if Sunday would be all that great of an idea. Every Sunday I have a decent sized get-together (about 10 people normally) to which most of my friends are invited that takes up the whole day. However, She doesn't really know anyone who goes there and inviting her to something like that would probably also be a drop into friendzone. That logically leaves Saturday. However, I have a drum lesson then from 4:30-5:00 (though I can try to get it earlier), and my mom might be throwing a welcome party for a new exchange student that came in yesterday, meaning I don't know if I could leave.

 

The other problem, even if Saturday was viable, it's hard to coordinate a place to go. We're both sophomores and neither of us can drive, which limits the places we can go greatly, seeing as we would have to be driven by parents. There's a park not too far from the school, but that's 2 miles away from my house and it's the middle of winter (in Michigan, so its cold xD), so that probably isn't the best idea. The ice cream parlor is similarly a 45 minute-ish walk away, which would be a bad idea in the winter in addition to the fact that I would have no guarantee of a ride home afterward. Also, I'm not sure that we'd really be ready for something that consisted of nothing available but talk for a couple hours. I really don't want to do something cheesy like a dinner or movie,there aren't even any I'd be interested in seeing and i lurk this thread enough to know why to avoid them. Basically, that would probably leaves my house if I were to ask her somewhere I think, and I don't know if I could really entertain her there for that long. the only place really within walking distance is a plaza with a gas station, 7-11, decent restaurant, dollar store, and salvation army, and while it can provide decent enough entertainment with friends, I don't know how something like that would go with a date. ... maybe Sunday wouldn't be so bad xD.

 

So basically...What can I do with that?

[BlindBaker]

It's really just how others perceive you. Attractiveness and how outgoing you are (if you're a good-looking fellow surrounded by friends) are the two main factors. Well, more presentation than attractiveness - we've been over that. Anyways, other things can factor in too, but that's to another level (celebrity stuff).

 

But if you present yourself well and tend to be friendly with everyone, you're perceived as having a higher social value then a lone person who dogs on everyone.

 

That's how I see social value.

 

OH, also: busy week for me. Organized four dates thus far, probably will involve baklava and kite-flying. Semi-hooked up with a girl last night (maybe early this morning). I was in Amarillo and me and some friends went to a field-party. Most people got royally smashed, I was doing alright too. Was messing around with her, started doing some stuff - she ran off to puke and then went home. As I recall, she only had a couple of beers too.

 

I was sad. Well, my penis was more sad.

 

How would you perceive a lone person whos friendly with everyone?

If he's friendly with everyone, why would he be lonely?

[Flyingjj]

Not lone in the sense of lonely, lone in the sense of flying solo, nobody around, the only person present, doing something.

[RpgGamer]

Not lone in the sense of lonely, lone in the sense of flying solo, nobody around, the only person present, doing something.

 

 

I'd find them to be fishy, and probably wouldn't trust a word they'd say. Yes I'm speaking from personaly experience.

[Lenticular_J]

It's really just how others perceive you. Attractiveness and how outgoing you are (if you're a good-looking fellow surrounded by friends) are the two main factors. Well, more presentation than attractiveness - we've been over that. Anyways, other things can factor in too, but that's to another level (celebrity stuff).

 

But if you present yourself well and tend to be friendly with everyone, you're perceived as having a higher social value then a lone person who dogs on everyone.

 

That's how I see social value.

 

OH, also: busy week for me. Organized four dates thus far, probably will involve baklava and kite-flying. Semi-hooked up with a girl last night (maybe early this morning). I was in Amarillo and me and some friends went to a field-party. Most people got royally smashed, I was doing alright too. Was messing around with her, started doing some stuff - she ran off to puke and then went home. As I recall, she only had a couple of beers too.

 

I was sad. Well, my penis was more sad.

 

How would you perceive a lone person whos friendly with everyone?

Depends on whether he's merely polite or the center of the fun. There's a big difference. Also, it depends on whether you enter alone and leave alone (or without getting phone numbers, business cards, just making friends) or if you take the party with you.

[StrBabi21]

Not lone in the sense of lonely, lone in the sense of flying solo, nobody around, the only person present, doing something.

 

 

I'd find them to be fishy, and probably wouldn't trust a word they'd say. Yes I'm speaking from personaly experience.

agreed.. :blink:

[Omar]

Does friendly but lone mean pretty much shy, but a real nice guy? That's low social value in my book, because you're sort of forgetting the "social" aspect of social value.

[RpgGamer]

Bringing the party with you is difficult for beginners, but once you get the hang of it, you'll find your self up to your eyeballs in people to talk to. It requires being loud, known, respected, and pleasant. All the while being the center of fun as Lent put it. Once you get the hang of it, it's hard not to do, but it does take a bit of practice. I learned through example. Watching the people I liked best in the school [not on a connection level, but on a social respect level] I learned all sorts of things subconciously. Postour, Smile, Laughing, Being excited, always having something to say. Even down to such things as being touchy [in the physical sense]. The people I observed I assume are naturals, but every now and then they used to connect to me on a more personal level. i beleive it's because I reminded them of themselves before the improvement. Now I find myself in the oposite role, passing my knowledge to the coming generation. It's a good feeling, I gotta say.

[Lenticular_J]

You put that very well, rpg. Observation of the "popular" people will send you far in school.

 

Speaking of high school: two girls I know (and both I'm quite attracted to, one I've been out with) are very mad at each other and want to fight. They're both very mean when it comes down to other girls, so it would be a little scary to watch. I pretend they're fighting over me, even though I know it's some stupid teenage girl drama [cabbage].

 

It's a good thing.

[BlindBaker]

... some stupid teenage girl drama [cabbage].

I've been seeing a lot of that lately. A lot. Although hilarious to watch (because the reasons for arguing are SO [bleep]ING STUPID), it does get a little old after a while.

 

This is usually how it goes from my observation:

 

• Girl accuses another of spreading a rumor.
  
• Other girl denies it.
  
• Someone gets slapped.
  
• Girls make up the next day (or sometime soon).
  
• Repeats from first stage.
  

[Skill_Caster]

Well, I dated my best friend. The one who said she loved me, and everything else you could possibly say from "I can't imagine my life without you" to "I love you to the sky and back". Once I told her some completely had me, she got what she wanted...what couldn't have, and she dropped me, and ran straight back to the complete douschebag she screwed me over for before years ago. All of my friends told me she'd do it from the start, every single one of them. But I thought I knew her better than that. We were closer than I've ever been with anyone before, staying up until 5am most nights just talking to be together. Then she used me as a quick hit and ran straight back to him. Just another fix for a simple little [bleep]. The worst and most pathetic part about it is that she doesn't give a [cabbage] at all. Not for one moment. She got what she wanted, that's all that matters. Me, myself, I'm doing alright. I've been through enough [cabbage] before and a period of depression to know better than to relapse and go back into that horrible state. I'm flirting, being myself, and just ignoring her. Pretending to act like it doesn't affect me. But, it does. Everything seemed so perfect, and then this happens. I swear, no matter what, it's just an uphill battle for me. Always been [bleep]ed over, never have won once. But, the battle rages on. I'm really not sure why I posted this. I don't really need advice, just some feedback. I'm done for a while.

[Lenticular_J]

I've been on such a hot streak lately! My life has suddenly become centered around performing, as well.

 

That will be all.

[RpgGamer]

My ex just tried to seduce me. I was about three layers of clothing away from becoming the biggest hypocrit in history. But I held my ground and threw her off me. I don't know what to make of all of this. She says her group therapy is going well though, infact she plans on hooking uo with one of the chicks there [who happens to have a son].

 

God, reading that back I wouldn't be surprised if half of you called me on bulllcrap and stopped reading. I swear, my life is getting more and more confusing...

[Flyingjj]

So I'm gonna let out a bit here, just cause I feel the need to. Why tonight, and not any of the other nights I've felt low I don't know, but here goes.

 

So some of you might remember that the last thing (at least I think) I posted was that I was going out with a girl basically because everything fell into place in just about the perfect way. That's a long story, you can look it up if you want, but the short of it is that Shakespeare couldn't have written it better.

 

Anyway, we dated for a couple months, had some of the best experiences of both our lives, and then she ends it. Not because she doesn't like me, or because we fought over something, but basically I got the "I don't want to be in a relationship/head in that direction in my life right now" way of looking at it. I'll admit, it hurt. But I didn't want her to see that too much, as she was crying the whole time she told me anyway.

 

Anyway, that was almost 7 months ago now, I think. We see each other alot, have a few classes together, hang out in a couple of the same social circles. Anyway, I still have feelings for her. And I enjoy every moment I'm around her, we still connect in a different way than any other person I know. I don't even know why I'm saying this, just to say it, I guess.

 

Thing is, everything goes quite well for quite some time, and I really enjoy being around her, but then sometimes it hurts. She's currently a year above me in college, and it hurts to hear her talk about her future plans, which I know and appreciate that she has every right to do, but it still hurts to see the direction she's going when I know that that means I'll get to see her even less than I do now, which isn't a ton.

 

So I know that's all very selfish of me, yadda yadda yadda, it's not like I'm planning to interfere with it or tell her anything, and much of the advice I'll get is of the gftog sort, which does not work for me, so don't even bother with that, if you do care to post advice, not that there's anything to post advice about, I just need to talk. Questions or comments are appreciated, however, as that helps me talk it over with myself.

[deathdrow]

All women are [bleep]ing [bleep]s. I've figured that out the hard way like four times.

 

I beg to differ.

Yeah, four experiences does not suddenly mean that ALL women are like that ;) It means that at least four are.

Well [bleep]. How come everyone I [bleep]ing date cheats on me. god damn.

[tripsis]

All women are [bleep]ing [bleep]s. I've figured that out the hard way like four times.

 

I beg to differ.

Yeah, four experiences does not suddenly mean that ALL women are like that ;) It means that at least four are.

Well [bleep]. How come everyone I [bleep]ing date cheats on me. god damn.

You're dating all the wrong women!

[Iamdan]

Well, I dated my best friend. The one who said she loved me, and everything else you could possibly say from "I can't imagine my life without you" to "I love you to the sky and back". Once I told her some completely had me, she got what she wanted...what couldn't have, and she dropped me, and ran straight back to the complete douschebag she screwed me over for before years ago. All of my friends told me she'd do it from the start, every single one of them. But I thought I knew her better than that. We were closer than I've ever been with anyone before, staying up until 5am most nights just talking to be together. Then she used me as a quick hit and ran straight back to him. Just another fix for a simple little [bleep]. The worst and most pathetic part about it is that she doesn't give a [cabbage] at all. Not for one moment. She got what she wanted, that's all that matters. Me, myself, I'm doing alright. I've been through enough [cabbage] before and a period of depression to know better than to relapse and go back into that horrible state. I'm flirting, being myself, and just ignoring her. Pretending to act like it doesn't affect me. But, it does. Everything seemed so perfect, and then this happens. I swear, no matter what, it's just an uphill battle for me. Always been [bleep]ed over, never have won once. But, the battle rages on. I'm really not sure why I posted this. I don't really need advice, just some feedback. I'm done for a while.

 

Ouch, I feel for ya.

 

Hopefully lesson learned though, if you haven't already make sure you take a read of this:

 

I'm on David D's mail list, though i don't know how. I occasionally go through one of his emails, they are mostly advertisements for his products but occasionally he sends out something useful. Thought some of you would be interested in this particular one, I couldn't put it better myself.

 

[hide] Ya know, this really is a great question.

 

One of the most important things to understand

as a man, is what to do when things are WORKING...

so you don't SCREW IT UP!

 

If you use the materials that you're learning

from me, you will start to have a magical thing

happen more and more often... women will start to

do and say things that clearly indicate that they

LIKE you.

 

Sometimes is will be a touch, sometimes a

compliment, and sometimes a smile. But these

things WILL happen more and more as you get better

and better.

 

I always laugh to myself when I bust a woman's

chops really hard, and she laughs and says "You're

so funny!" or "You really are good!" etc.

 

I still shake my head and wonder why the hell

it took me so long to figure all this stuff out.

 

But I digress... you know, while I'm

digressing, what's with you ending your email

with:

 

">From new hampshire, where men are men, women

are few, and sheep are nervous."

 

...?!

 

This is probably the third or fourth time that

I've seen this at the end of an email.

 

Tell me the truth... do chicks dig this?

 

You're making me nervous, man. Keep the sheep

talk on the DL, OK?

 

Uncool.

 

Now, when a woman does something that signals

"I like you," it is VITALLY important that you:

 

1) Know how to recognize it

 

2) DON'T do what MOST guy do

 

3) DO the right thing, and AMPLIFY it

 

So how can you tell if a woman is doing

something that says "I like you?"

 

Well, it's VERY important to remember that

women are far more "subtle" than men (most of the

time, that is).

 

If a man is interested in a woman, you can see

it all over his face. It's usually very obvious.

 

But women are different.

 

Women do SMALL things.

 

A little touch. A sly smile. Sometimes a

comment like "You're so cute" (as in your example

above).

 

But then IT'S GONE.

 

Women always seem to act like they're not quite

sure.

 

They don't send consistent signals that most

men can "read."

 

And when they DO send signals that are easy to

see, most guys respond in a way that makes those

signals stop... which makes things even MORE

confusing.

 

Again, women aren't as CONSISTENT as men.

 

A woman can seem like she's interested one

minute, then stand-offish the next.

 

So rule #1 is:

 

JUST BECAUSE SHE'S DOING SOMETHING THAT SAYS "I

LIKE YOU", DON'T THINK THAT IT MEANS "I LIKE YOU

NO MATTER WHAT."

 

Much better to interpret subtle "I like you"

cues as "I like you for a second, but if you start

acting like a Wuss Bag or a Dumb [wagon], it will all

be over in an instant."

 

Unfortunately for most guys, they take "I like

you" signals to mean "You've won my approval, now

you can do whatever you want".

 

And what do they do? Of course...

 

They turn into dorks, say or do a few stupid

things, and destroy it all.

 

Oh, how many times I've watched guys (myself

included) screw up perfectly good situations

because they just didn't get this concept.

 

Let me give you an example.

 

Let's say that you're out with a woman, and

you've been teasing her, and she smiles and says,

"I like you."

 

A typical "male" response is for a guy to think

to himself "OK, I'm in... she digs me" and to get

that rush in the head and chest.

 

Next thing you know, he's acting different.

 

He's talking about different things.

 

He's giving compliments.

 

He's being "nicer."

 

And what's the woman thinking while this is all

going on? Of course... she's thinking, "Uh oh, his

cool, calm, interesting personality was just a

cover for the secret inner-Wuss that was hiding

out, waiting for a little bit of approval from

me... AHHHHHH!"

 

Women KNOW that they're in control of the

situation. Or at least MOST of the time they

are... and they THINK that they are even during

the times when they're not.

 

They're constantly using different kinds of

communication to test and "feel out" the

situation.

 

Remember, MOST of the time when you're saying

something that you think is nice, charming, and

original, it's something that a woman has heard

about 47 times that week from other guys.

 

We guys act VERY predictably most of the time.

 

And women know how to tell if you're just

another loser who's pretending to be cool... who

will turn into an average Wuss at the first sign

of attraction from a cute woman.

 

Think about what I just said.

 

This is hard for a lot of guys to swallow...

but it's the reality of the situation.

 

There's something that women call "Sexual

Tension." It's also known as "Chemistry" or

"Attraction" as well. But only WOMEN know it this

way. I've got an entire program that can teach you

about this amazing skill, if you want to learn how

to use it... by the way:

 

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/SexualCommunication

 

When you tease a woman, make her laugh, play

hard to get with her, act unpredictably, etc. in

the right way, you will create this tension. This

is what usually leads to a woman saying something

like "You're cute" or "I like you."

 

It's the TENSION that makes her FEEL it and SAY

it.

 

THE TENSION!

 

In these very special moments, you need to turn

the tension UP. Dial it up. AMPLIFY it.

 

Don't diffuse it all by saying "You're cute

yourself" or "I like you, too". Or by smiling like

a jackass wussy dork who has just seen his first

rainbow.

 

This kind of thing RELEASES the tension, and it

usually takes that wonderful electric attraction

feeling that the woman is feeling and INSTANTLY

kills it.

 

Does this make logical sense?

 

Hell no.

 

But it IS what happens.

 

OK, so let's talk about the RIGHT way to handle

this type of situation.

 

Remember when I said that it's the TENSION that

makes a woman feel the feelings and make the

comments?

 

And that you need to AMPLIFY it when you're

getting a positive response?

 

Nice.

 

Once upon a time, there was a scene in a movie

that illustrated this concept PERFECTLY.

 

In fact, it might be the all-time greatest

example of this principle that has ever been

recorded on film.

 

Remember the end of "The Empire Strikes Back,"

when they were about to put Han Solo into the deep

freeze?

 

Remember when Leia said, "I love you"...?

 

Remember what Han said?

 

Right, he said... "I know."

 

Perfect.

 

All of the sexual tension that built up in Star

Wars and Empire culminated in Leia confessing her

love.

 

And Han says, "I know."

 

Awesome!

 

Imagine being Leia. What could be going through

her mind at this point?

 

An answer like this isn't easy to understand.

It has all kinds of implications.

 

It's confusing.

 

It says, "I know you love me, because it's been

obvious for a long time...." But, it doesn't let

HER know how he feels exactly. It requires

consideration. It dials up the tension. It's

amazing.

 

By the way, I read that when they were filming

that scene, Han was supposed to answer, "I love

you too," but the director didn't like it. They

tried all kinds of things, and in the end Harrison

Ford made up that line on the spot in one of the

takes... and they kept it. Nice.

 

By the way, one of the BIG reasons why the

newer movies in the Star Wars series suck is

because there is no character like Han... think

about it. It's all boring, predictable stuff.

There's no sexy, arrogant, funny, wildcard

personality messing things up.

 

Like I pointed out after I saw "Attack Of The

Clones," Anakin had to kill an ENTIRE VILLAGE of

Sand People just to convince Princess A. that he

wasn't a complete and total Wuss. Would have been

so much easier and more entertaining if he would

have just had a PERSONALITY.

 

Whatever.

 

Now, where was I...?

 

Oh, yeah... amplifying the sexual tension...

 

If you're out with a woman, and you tease her

because she's wearing four inch heels by saying

"What's the deal, are you four feet tall without

those?", and she opens her mouth with the classic

"Oh no you didn't" look (smiling of course, with

that surprised smile)... and you dial it up to the

next level with "Oh, I'm sorry...Four foot

three?"... and she hits you on the arm...

 

...and then she stops, puts her hand on your

arm, and says, "You know, you're funny"...

 

...what do you do?

 

YOU SAY, "YEAH, I KNOW"... in a serious tone.

 

Or "Don't try to use compliments to make me

like you. It won't work. Go buy me a drink or

something... I prefer gifts and money."

 

Or look down at her hand on your arm, lean back

slightly, turn your head, and put your eyebrows

together as if to say "Just WHAT do you think

you're doing touching me?!"

 

TURN IT UP, my friend!

 

You TURN UP the tension.

 

AMPLIFY it.

 

Keep it going.

 

If you keep amplifying the tension and

attraction at each of these wonderful moments,

good things will happen.

 

Good stuff.[/hide]