"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Tim]

Bastard. I dont even have one and Im the same age. <.<

 

My first was when I was like 17. Nothing has ever been official but I've had a few friends and we would ring each other to 'hang out.'

This one was more like.. her: 'omg that was epic, we have to be [bleep] buddies now' me: it sure was, tell your friends I'm here all week :cool:

 

I kinda wanted something more because she's a pretty awesome girl but we're already close friends so it could develop into something else easily anyway. See how it goes.

 

ahh I love life

 

btw you aussies down south, I know some guys looking for a new room mate if you were serious about coming up. Great area, good blokes, 5 mins from me, nice house and a good rent price.

1 problem: me and Ryan are both unemployed (not by choice), I have no money unless I flog off my car and we both cant get benefits because Centerlink is.... well being Centerlink-ish.

[Iamdan]

You can't get youth living away from home payments? Or make up a story and get even more via unreasonable to live at home? My friend got it by saying she had a fallout with her parents.

[Furah]

I had a chance with this girl from Tafe but I didn't follow with it. Probably because she's after a stable relationship and I don't feel the need for something serious. My first bit of success in ages and I let it pass. :mellow:

 

You can't get youth living away from home payments? Or make up a story and get even more via unreasonable to live at home? My friend got it by saying she had a fallout with her parents.

Falling out with parents part is easy, it's just I need to find somewhere I can store my stuff until I can get Centrelink. As much of an [wagon] as I can be I still can't stand the thought of free-loading from friends.

[Tim]

I had a chance with this girl from Tafe but I didn't follow with it. Probably because she's after a stable relationship and I don't feel the need for something serious. My first bit of success in ages and I let it pass. :mellow:

 

You can't get youth living away from home payments? Or make up a story and get even more via unreasonable to live at home? My friend got it by saying she had a fallout with her parents.

Falling out with parents part is easy, it's just I need to find somewhere I can store my stuff until I can get Centrelink. As much of an [wagon] as I can be I still can't stand the thought of free-loading from friends.

Same boat. I have a friend I could stay with, but I also have a car that is a dirty hoe and his mom asks if I do fallout and stay there If I could pay a bit of rent, which is hard.

[i_love_burritos]

Hey guys, what's the low down on [bleep]ing out on a friend for getting with a girl ?

[Scorcheddd]

Hey guys, what's the low down on [bleep]ing out on a friend for getting with a girl ?

 

Don't

[Jakerdang]

 

Hello. I have been lurking this thread and I have finally come to seek..well, advice. About a year and a half ago, I started talking to this girl who went to my school. She was really insignificant to me, she just would wish me a happy Easter or birthday or whatever. One day, I heard people talking about her moving. I decided to just talk to her to see how she was feeling and stuff because she always seemed like a lovely girl. To make a very long story short, we became best friends. She considered me the only boy she could trust, and I took great joy in that. So, she became my closest girl friend but I never thought of her as anything more. In the past year and a half we have only had one or two major fights, and currently we are very good friends. To her, I have always been the friend that would be there for her. To me, she was my best friend ever and I would be happy as long as i had her as my friend, nothing more.

 

As our friendship went on, she would have little relationships with some boys, as a result of this, I felt a weird jealousy feeling. I don't want to be with her like that, you know? I love her, goddamn I do, but as a best friend, or a sister, something along those lines. So blah blah, she finally got with a boy and they stuck, and have dated for five months now. She would always talk about him, all the time to me. I'm a very jealous person, that's pretty much my tragic flaw. So, inevitably, I'm jealous.

 

I have lived with it though. But sometime within the last six months, I've had little flares of being upset about her. I often ask questions to myself. "Why NOT me? I love her more than anyone ever will. What's so wrong with me?" Her response to those questions are usually just, "idk" or "because." I've played everything off until very recently.

 

She doesn't live very close to me, about a half an hour away, and we almost never see each other during the school year. So, today, I went to a local amusement park with her. I was very excited to see her, having feeling very strong urges just to be with her, plus, I haven't seen her since February. Maybe too excited..I actually uh, got the runs before I left, haha. It was just supposed to be her and two of my friends and me. I REFUSED to go if I was gonna be the "odd" number person. (I have a big social problem where I HATE being "second priority") Well, she lied so I would go. Upon discovering that she lied, I got pretty mad. At first it wasn't bad. I was near her a lot. (Note that I don't hit on her or something, she's my best friend and it would be weird) About an hour into our little perfect day of fun. She told me her boyfriend was coming. I didn't know him, I just assumed he was an [wagon]. He really wasn't though. Upon his arrival, I became the "fifth wheel" and second priority. I tried to talk to her and stuff but the only time she talked to me was to tell me to hold her bag so she could wrap herself around her boyfriend, or tell me to buy her something. (Which I spent fifteen dollars on her today, and that ruined my chances of getting really good seats for a Goo Goo Dolls concert )

 

I really think the only reason I spent money on her was so she would notice me for once. I've spent so much money on her in the past two months. For fun, I wrote up a professionally made contract saying that if i gave her money she would have to kiss me. Which she was supposed to do today..lol. Anyway, after spending five hours in the hot ass sun, carrying her stuff, wasting my money just to see her and her boyfriend be cute together, I got pretttty sick of it. I had a mini temper tantrum and I grabbed her and told her I was going home. I was expecting her to say "Nooo Jakeyyy Poo, I want you to stayyyy." Nah, she said "Ok." turned around and continued being affectionate with her boyfriend. I got really mad then. I turned around to leave, and she said "Wait..who is gonna hold my stuff now?" She wasn't even kidding. I just left. Not even a goodbye hug, just nothing.

 

This left me going home feeling like absolute [cabbage]. She promised me it wouldn't be like it was, but it totally was. This ultimately led me to the point of this message. Everyone there was with their partner. I wasn't. I haven't even come close to having a girlfriend in a long time. I think I have finally pinpointed the problem. I have subconsciously wanted my best friend. Even after she kinda ruined my day, I still feel the same love for her and I immediately missed her once I left. I've talked to her about us together someday.She just flat says no. I want to be the one that can hold her tight like her boyfriend does, I'm so jealous of him.

 

Even to me this sounds like pointless, unorganized, gibberish, I just wanted to give you guys some background info. Plain and flat, I want to be with her forever, whether it's as a partner, or a friend.

 

What my main main main message is: Should I pursue the only girl I have truly ever loved, even though she's my best friend? I have virtually no chance right now though. I just want her to realize I'm the only guy that will ever love her and be here for her, and I don't know how. I'm not even first priority for her. How should I go on with this?

 

Ouch.

You've landed yourself in one of the worst cases of friendzoned 'oneitis' I've ever seen. You got to get your head back into the "she's my sister" thought train. I have an inkling of a feeling that your jealousy less stemmed from being attracted to her, rather you just want to spend time with your best friend. I'd explain it to her in that way. HOWEVER. if you really are this attracted to her...you may want to stay the hell away from her to weaken the attraction. Well yours of her anyway. Find yourself a new girl. Hell the way she acted at the park, you may want to find some new friends while you're at it. She's taking advantage of your giving friendly nature. And you follwing her around like a sick puppy tossing money at her isn't going to win you anything. You keep this up, and she'll just walk all over you until your so deep in depression you won't even notice anymore. Tell her how it is, and walk away [you might want to find some "plan B" friends first though, incase serious [cabbage] goes down]. Just disappear. If she misses you, she'll come to you. if she doesn't, that [bleep] doesn't deserve you anyway. [And provided she breaks up with her boyfriend, she WILL find you]

 

 

However, I must warn you...A very wise young man once said:

 

 

 

the girl i had oneitis over i know is attracted to me sexually...finally made out with her and had other disclosed relations back in November (not all the way)...and slowly i'm winning her over, but i know in the back of her mind she's still seeing me as that same guy back in high school. no relationship with her as of yet, but i know the chance is there. looking back at point 3, when we had our "rendezvous", she did so because "it felt right" to her. when we talked about it later she didn't know why she did...i don't either except that her emotions just said "this feels so right...go for it". i also think she attributes me to guilt, as she was trying a long distance relationship with another guy...they're no longer together and i'm glad...guy was a [bleep]wad.

 

 

 

don't worry...everyone goes through the same thing, some just get it sooner than others. took me 4 years. i can't complain though...had i known what i know now, i probably would have had a failed relationship with her back then or even our first year of college...and then have 0 shot now. girls shouldn't marry the first guy they meet IMO, need to see what's out there first. so i'm kinda thankful it took all 4 years.

 

 

 

and ending...there's a reason why when you go into divorce courts you'll hear the same line..over, and over, and over, and over...if the divorce occurs over cheating:

 

 

 

"they were my best friend..."

 

 

 

there's a reason...you can be friends, but you must also differentiate between being just friends with sex...and actual life long companions.

 

 

 

Ah yes, in rough times I have tried the "don't take [cabbage] and leave" method, but I need her more than she needs me. Don't get me wrong, she needs me, she just seems to forget or doesn't show it. She really doesn't just say her feelings often.

[Tim]

Hey guys, what's the low down on [bleep]ing out on a friend for getting with a girl ?

Highly shunned

[sarg1010]

 

Ah yes, in rough times I have tried the "don't take [cabbage] and leave" method, but I need her more than she needs me. Don't get me wrong, she needs me, she just seems to forget or doesn't show it. She really doesn't just say her feelings often.

Does she? Does she really? Or are you just telling yourself that? Try just straight up ignoring her for a while, and see if she really does. It'll be hard, but it'll help.

[Jakerdang]

 

Ah yes, in rough times I have tried the "don't take [cabbage] and leave" method, but I need her more than she needs me. Don't get me wrong, she needs me, she just seems to forget or doesn't show it. She really doesn't just say her feelings often.

Does she? Does she really? Or are you just telling yourself that? Try just straight up ignoring her for a while, and see if she really does. It'll be hard, but it'll help.

 

I love the ideas but she's too difficult to work with. For whatever reason, the only time she has straight up told me she loved me was because she had a dream that I died and wanted to make sure I know she loves me. If I ignore her, it's no skin off her nose compared to how I feel about it. Sure I have plenty other friends, just none like her. And quite frankly, I don't know how long I could go without talking to her.

 

Whenever I try something like ignoring her, it hardly affects her and she will just call me a baby or something.

[Romy]

That's something you're going to have to deal with, IMO. Otherwise, it can get tough. Unmutual relations have a tendency of becoming very hurtful.

 

 

 

The best advice I can give you, is not to call her or anything like that for a while. If she calls, try to act indifferent towards her and not contribute to the conversation much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's going to be tough, but it's worth it. Then, either she'll move on, and then you know she doesn't care and are better off without her, or she'll miss you and try to fix things, and most importantly, appriciate your connection and friendship.

[Jakerdang]

Thanks guys, all I really want is to be appreciated by my best friend that I love. I WILL just not talk to her or whatever, but I don't think I can just call it quits being best friends with her. I don't know how that would go with her either. It seems she really does like being friends, but she just doesn't put forth the effort that I do to make sure she is happy.

[Romy]

Because she consciously/unconsciously knows you'll do that for her. She has no reason to work for it when someone else does it well enough. That's exactly the reason I gave you this advice.

[Jakerdang]

Well damn. I've always just kinda put that kind of thinking in the back of my mind.

[sarg1010]

Well damn. I've always just kinda put that kind of thinking in the back of my mind.

Time to change your ways. It'll be hard, but you have to fight through it.

[Romy]

You'll need lots of self discipline, so good luck. ;)

 

 

Don't do things that go against your goal, even if it seems comfortable and nicer to do.

 

 

 

 

And tell us how it went in the end. :)

[Jakerdang]

Thank you guys so much. I'll be sure to tell you how it goes! :thumbsup:

[RpgGamer]

Hey guys, what's the low down on [bleep]ing out on a friend for getting with a girl ?

 

 

it's frowned upon.

 

and good luck Jakerdang29. You have a rough path in front of you.

[Jakerdang]

Hey guys, what's the low down on [bleep]ing out on a friend for getting with a girl ?

 

Don't. Even. Think. About. It.

 

 

EDIT: The girl texted me just now. Just to tell me how making out is the best thing ever. Specifically with her boyfriend.

[RpgGamer]

Hey guys, what's the low down on [bleep]ing out on a friend for getting with a girl ?

 

Don't. Even. Think. About. It.

 

 

EDIT: The girl texted me just now. Just to tell me how making out is the best thing ever. Specifically with her boyfriend.

 

 

Get that [bleep] out of your life. It'll feel like crap, but just keep reminding yourself of crap like this, and it'll all be better [something I'm currently doing myself, so if you ever have a weak moment, you can come to me and we can buddy up and watch each other's backs]

 

 

In other news. I came to a revelation. An old one. But still. I go through moods. Some days I want an outright [bleep]. Other days, I want a legitimate relationship. But one thing never changes: I want to meet a new girl. And that image of the girl I'm looking for is becoming clearer. And my take on it has gone from "I want to meet her now! I'm friggin miserable, and I need her" to "I can't wait to meet her". Which I think is a better mind set to enter relationship territory with. I feel like I matured alot today. I talked to my ex. [i know I know, don't go off on me about it yet let me finish]. It wasn't like we usually talk, and it didn't even end in sex. I still miss her. I still care about her. I'm still very attracted to her. But she told me that she's more or less official with her new guy. So yeah. By choice or by force, I'm not going to be doing anything outside of friendship with her again. It kind of sucks, but it's for the best. As I know. As this thread knows. And as she knows. I want to find my next girlfriend. But it's not that simple. But...now I'm not doing it out of rage/insanity. It's because I legitimatly want a real relationship. That's what me and my ex talked about. How we met. How we went through all of our milestones. And I realized...I don't need a really easy girl. I just want a girl that really really likes me. Me for me. And I for her. Not the kind of girl you can just 'pick up' [although not impossible]. The kind of girl that you magically happen upon, who is conveniently beautiful and single. The kind of girl you don't expect to find. A real gift from fate. That's how I met her. That's how I want to meet my next girl. Problem is, you can't force coincidense. You really can't manipulate it either without jeapordizing the authenticity of the situation.

 

Don't get me wrong. I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna hit on random girls. I'm gonna have fun. But I'm going to as patiently as possible wait for another magic moment, so that I can have another relationship as wonderful as my last [in the begining anyway, not so much the more recent events]. I can't wait to find this girl. But I'm going to have to. So I might as well just relax. And my oh my is that a load off of my shoulders.

[Scorcheddd]

[hide=quote]

Hey guys, what's the low down on [bleep]ing out on a friend for getting with a girl ?

 

Don't. Even. Think. About. It.

 

 

EDIT: The girl texted me just now. Just to tell me how making out is the best thing ever. Specifically with her boyfriend.

 

 

Get that [bleep] out of your life. It'll feel like crap, but just keep reminding yourself of crap like this, and it'll all be better [something I'm currently doing myself, so if you ever have a weak moment, you can come to me and we can buddy up and watch each other's backs]

 

 

In other news. I came to a revelation. An old one. But still. I go through moods. Some days I want an outright [bleep]. Other days, I want a legitimate relationship. But one thing never changes: I want to meet a new girl. And that image of the girl I'm looking for is becoming clearer. And my take on it has gone from "I want to meet her now! I'm friggin miserable, and I need her" to "I can't wait to meet her". Which I think is a better mind set to enter relationship territory with. I feel like I matured alot today. I talked to my ex. [i know I know, don't go off on me about it yet let me finish]. It wasn't like we usually talk, and it didn't even end in sex. I still miss her. I still care about her. I'm still very attracted to her. But she told me that she's more or less official with her new guy. So yeah. By choice or by force, I'm not going to be doing anything outside of friendship with her again. It kind of sucks, but it's for the best. As I know. As this thread knows. And as she knows. I want to find my next girlfriend. But it's not that simple. But...now I'm not doing it out of rage/insanity. It's because I legitimatly want a real relationship. That's what me and my ex talked about. How we met. How we went through all of our milestones. And I realized...I don't need a really easy girl. I just want a girl that really really likes me. Me for me. And I for her. Not the kind of girl you can just 'pick up' [although not impossible]. The kind of girl that you magically happen upon, who is conveniently beautiful and single. The kind of girl you don't expect to find. A real gift from fate. That's how I met her. That's how I want to meet my next girl. Problem is, you can't force coincidense. You really can't manipulate it either without jeapordizing the authenticity of the situation.

 

Don't get me wrong. I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna hit on random girls. I'm gonna have fun. But I'm going to as patiently as possible wait for another magic moment, so that I can have another relationship as wonderful as my last [in the begining anyway, not so much the more recent events]. I can't wait to find this girl. But I'm going to have to. So I might as well just relax. And my oh my is that a load off of my shoulders.

[/hide]

 

That's an awesome revelation RPG, finally moving past [bleep] buddies and getting somewhere! But now you're in the same boat I am, finding that girl for the relationship... Best of luck! Hopefully one of us will find a girl soon :P

[Jakerdang]

RpgGamer, dude, I like how you think. I think we're in the same boat for what we're looking for. I NEED to meet a new girl, whether it's for a relationship, or just a simple friendship. I like having girl friends more than guy friends most of the time too. The girls I already know are definitely not what I want.

 

And for my friend, I just CANNOT bring myself to totally erase her from my life. We have had little conflicts like this before, and I'm hoping it passes soon. I'm sure after a little break we will be cool again.

 

I seriously, seriously cannot function right without her, trust me, I've tried before.

[RpgGamer]

RpgGamer, dude, I like how you think. I think we're in the same boat for what we're looking for. I NEED to meet a new girl, whether it's for a relationship, or just a simple friendship. I like having girl friends more than guy friends most of the time too. The girls I already know are definitely not what I want.

 

And for my friend, I just CANNOT bring myself to totally erase her from my life. We have had little conflicts like this before, and I'm hoping it passes soon. I'm sure after a little break we will be cool again.

 

I seriously, seriously cannot function right without her, trust me, I've tried before.

 

 

Yeah...I've felt that way before. It took a LOT of heartbreaking before I finially decided it was time to change something. A man can only take so much emotional punishment. What I did was made some new guy-friends. People that just like to chill, be obnoxious, and have fun. they helped me out of a tight spot emotionally, just by putting me in a happier environment where I wasn't brooding over my heartache all day. Now, I wasn't "cured" but it definatly helped. Friends will always help. Maybe this tiff with your friend will just blow over. But what's stopping it rfom happening again? Take a stand for yourself. You won't be happy at first, and sometimes it won't even feel like it's working, but what WILL happen is that you'll become less reliant on her. You'll be able to function and feel good without her constant attention. And that's a key factor in a healthy relationship. Friendship, or romantic.

[Jakerdang]

I have plenty of guy friends to just hang out with, that's what I mainly do whenever I go out with my friends, just hang out with my guys.

 

I went off on her last night and she assured me that I was her best friend. I know I'm her best friend. She just doesn't treat me like she should, and that's the frustrating part. SOMETHING needs to happen to make her treat me better 100% of the time. I guess it's time for those "Angel comes down and shows me what everything would look like if I was never born or died or something" moments.

 

I just want to enjoy all the time with her. She doesn't take real good care of herself. I bought her three huge icees Sunday and she refused to put her diabetic pump in. She never does. I'm no diabetes expert, but I know that it really isn't the healthiest thing.

[RpgGamer]

I have plenty of guy friends to just hang out with, that's what I mainly do whenever I go out with my friends, just hang out with my guys.

 

I went off on her last night and she assured me that I was her best friend. I know I'm her best friend. She just doesn't treat me like she should, and that's the frustrating part. SOMETHING needs to happen to make her treat me better 100% of the time. I guess it's time for those "Angel comes down and shows me what everything would look like if I was never born or died or something" moments.

 

I just want to enjoy all the time with her. She doesn't take real good care of herself. I bought her three huge icees Sunday and she refused to put her diabetic pump in. She never does. I'm no diabetes expert, but I know that it really isn't the healthiest thing.

 

 

okay first of all:

 

STOP SPENDING MONEY ON HER

 

that's not helping anybodys case. You can buy her things when she earns it. Rewarding her when she's treating you poorly doesn't make for improvements in your situation. And I've been played the "you're my Best Friend card" as well. Honestly...such a title should be mutual. She can call me her best friend all she wants...I wouldn't dare call her that. So think to yourself, is she really you're best friend if she treats you like such a dormat? She can be your friend for sure. But you're best friend? I'm sure there are better candidates.