"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Jakerdang]

It's not impossible to be at love at 15. True most 15 year olds don't know what love is and really aren't in love when they think they are.. but that doesn't mean it's true for all of them.

 

Yes, but thinking there can only be one lover for each person shows some immaturity in the way he views relationships. Therefore, considering most teens don't know what they're talking about when they throw around the word "love" and Jaker's view of it, I think it's safe to say he doesn't know what it is.

 

Look, jake, it wouldn't make sense for you to be jealous if you didn't want to be more than friends. Maybe you're afraid it's not going to work out and crush your friendship, maybe it's the way you view love as a one-time thing, but you're not admitting that. As far as I can tell, you're in a kind of denial. And if you are, you're not going to get anywhere unless you face that.

 

 

I'm stupid, I get jealous over stupid things. Of course I'm in denial. I've accepted I'm in denial. I don't care though. I would rather pretend everything is A-OK right now.

[RpgGamer]

It's not impossible to be at love at 15. True most 15 year olds don't know what love is and really aren't in love when they think they are.. but that doesn't mean it's true for all of them.

 

Yes, but thinking there can only be one lover for each person shows some immaturity in the way he views relationships. Therefore, considering most teens don't know what they're talking about when they throw around the word "love" and Jaker's view of it, I think it's safe to say he doesn't know what it is.

 

Look, jake, it wouldn't make sense for you to be jealous if you didn't want to be more than friends. Maybe you're afraid it's not going to work out and crush your friendship, maybe it's the way you view love as a one-time thing, but you're not admitting that. As far as I can tell, you're in a kind of denial. And if you are, you're not going to get anywhere unless you face that.

 

 

I'm stupid, I get jealous over stupid things. Of course I'm in denial. I've accepted I'm in denial. I don't care though. I would rather pretend everything is A-OK right now.

 

You sound just like me :lol:

 

How long did you say you've been lurking? Cause seriously, if you ever get bored for a few days, just re-read this thread. You can see me making the exact same flawed argument like a dozen times.

[Jakerdang]

 

It's not impossible to be at love at 15. True most 15 year olds don't know what love is and really aren't in love when they think they are.. but that doesn't mean it's true for all of them.

 

Yes, but thinking there can only be one lover for each person shows some immaturity in the way he views relationships. Therefore, considering most teens don't know what they're talking about when they throw around the word "love" and Jaker's view of it, I think it's safe to say he doesn't know what it is.

 

Look, jake, it wouldn't make sense for you to be jealous if you didn't want to be more than friends. Maybe you're afraid it's not going to work out and crush your friendship, maybe it's the way you view love as a one-time thing, but you're not admitting that. As far as I can tell, you're in a kind of denial. And if you are, you're not going to get anywhere unless you face that.

 

 

I'm stupid, I get jealous over stupid things. Of course I'm in denial. I've accepted I'm in denial. I don't care though. I would rather pretend everything is A-OK right now.

 

You sound just like me :lol:

 

How long did you say you've been lurking? Cause seriously, if you ever get bored for a few days, just re-read this thread. You can see me making the exact same flawed argument like a dozen times.

 

 

Look at my join date, and look at my post count. :smile:

[helpmeownlife]

Has anyone checked this out? It's an e-book but I haven't because it sounds kind of bogus. Reminds me of the 'make millions' RS .pdfs I once bought which contained really useless information. Anyways:

 

howtotextgirls.com

 

 

 

THANK YOU

 

I needed a site like that. I'm terrible at texting woman folk. Atleast one's I'm trying to get with anyway. Bogus or not, I'm sure some aspects are useful.

 

Yeah, I remembered somewhere here someone was asking for it (I'm also curious). The only sucky thing is that you have to buy it, so...it makes me suspicious. Tell me what you find if you decide to check it out, though, I'd appreciate it.

 

 

Also, I like how actiony this thread has gotten. I like it. Is this what summer does to forum posters?

[sarg1010]

More time to be on here + relationships possibly in jeopardy due to summer = more topic posting it seems.

[Iamdan]

I asked a while back if anyone has a topic they wanted me to write about. Would you guys be interested in a short piece about texting?

 

 

:blink: The thought of cave manning (as definition by lamdan) my best friend kinda makes me wanna faint.

 

Yeah it's not something you do to a friend the first time. Plus you're 15 so it's not a good idea anyway, it's great at 18-19+

[Omar]

^I guess, yeah. That, and cocky/funny. I think I do it pretty well (I've been doing something right... :P), but there's always room for improvement I suppose.

[RpgGamer]

I asked a while back if anyone has a topic they wanted me to write about. Would you guys be interested in a short piece about texting?

 

 

The thought of cave manning (as definition by lamdan) my best friend kinda makes me wanna faint.

 

Yeah it's not something you do to a friend the first time. Plus you're 15 so it's not a good idea anyway, it's great at 18-19+

 

 

Yeah I'd like a section on texting if you please. As for the book? I'll see if I can get it illegally. I'm not payin for jack though. I also enjoy the recent explosion of posts on the thread. Shame for the reasoning though. I like hearing good news on this thread. But yeah, summer seems to end a lot of relationships. Atleast so far. But towards mid-summer into September, there'll be more "I like a girl, how can i get her to be mine?"

[Tim]

I personally am giving up dating.... for now.

 

Gunna wait until im 20 and either: when I get fully fit for summer by October (6months till 20)

or same thing as above but when I come come from Air Force basic training and start employment training. Which is located back here at home but I'll move out since the rent is piss-all with them.

[TTanT]

I like hearing good news on this thread.

 

Well, I'm still going strong with my significant other. :mrgreen:

We've actually been planning on a schedule of daily meet-ups to replace schools since April.

[Iamdan]

Alright I'll start writing when I get time, might have it done this week.

[Romy]

I like hearing good news on this thread.

 

Well, this IS a thread for advice... so you're much more likely to encounter bad news, and then some good news for those who use the advice.

[BlackDawn]

I like hearing good news on this thread.

Well, here's a little.

 

My own long-distance relationship goes strong and well. True, the distance isn't the worst, but hey, being able to see one another once a month is tough. (Not as tough as a certain somebody elses, but...)

 

This saturday I may be visiting her again, so I'm in a pretty good mood this week.

[Furah]

What's a good way to not feel weird when being the third wheel? Yesterday me and my friend were waiting for our bus to come along, and her boyfriend comes and they start going couple on me. Today it happened but was for pretty much the whole arvo until he had to go and catch a train.

[BlackDawn]

What's a good way to not feel weird when being the third wheel? Yesterday me and my friend were waiting for our bus to come along, and her boyfriend comes and they start going couple on me. Today it happened but was for pretty much the whole arvo until he had to go and catch a train.

Unless you can get someone else with you, it'll be weird. You can't really not feel weird when you're just sitting there next to your friend and her boyfriend doing their couple stuff, while you're on your own. I suggest just moving away and listening to music. :thumbup:

[Iamdan]

What's a good way to not feel weird when being the third wheel? Yesterday me and my friend were waiting for our bus to come along, and her boyfriend comes and they start going couple on me. Today it happened but was for pretty much the whole arvo until he had to go and catch a train.

 

Be the leader of the group.

[Jakerdang]

What's a good way to not feel weird when being the third wheel? Yesterday me and my friend were waiting for our bus to come along, and her boyfriend comes and they start going couple on me. Today it happened but was for pretty much the whole arvo until he had to go and catch a train.

Unless you can get someone else with you, it'll be weird. You can't really not feel weird when you're just sitting there next to your friend and her boyfriend doing their couple stuff, while you're on your own. I suggest just moving away and listening to music. :thumbup:

 

Tell me about it. <_<

 

Either ignore them or be all over someone else.

[I_am_Geed]

What's a good way to not feel weird when being the third wheel? Yesterday me and my friend were waiting for our bus to come along, and her boyfriend comes and they start going couple on me. Today it happened but was for pretty much the whole arvo until he had to go and catch a train.

Unless you can get someone else with you, it'll be weird. You can't really not feel weird when you're just sitting there next to your friend and her boyfriend doing their couple stuff, while you're on your own. I suggest just moving away and listening to music. :thumbup:

 

Tell me about it. <_<

 

Either ignore them or be all over someone else.

 

It sounds rude but you could also avoid the situation altogether. I know if I was sitting in a room with my friend and his/her girlfriend/boyfriend and they started doing couple stuff I would feel rather awkward.

[ixfd64]

This isn't really a "relationship" question per se, but does anyone else find it awkward to approach random girls/guys in front of family members?

 

As long as I know a girl pretty well (e.g., if she is a family friend), I can talk to her with absolutely no problem.

 

If it's a girl I'm not familiar with, I can still often make small talk with her. However, it's a different story when any of our parents are present. My mother generally doesn't mind when I chat with random girls (her advice is that I should act natural and not be creepy), and my father actually encourages it from time to time. However, I find it very awkward to start a conversation in front of my parents, and it feels even more weird if the girl's parents are there, even though it is unlikely that they will mind either (they may even be flattered because their daughter is seen as attractive).

 

There are a few exceptions, though. I am perfectly fine with talking to girls if:

 

1. I think she is affliated with any of my schools (if she's wearing a shirt with my school's mascot, I will her if she went to that school)

2. If we are just passing each other, I will say "hi" to her

3. I am in an environment where people are expected to socialize (e.g., a party)

 

Even so, I can rarely manage to hold a conversation longer than five lines.

 

Is anyone else in the same boat?

 

I'm guessing this awkwardness is caused by the "don't talk to strangers" mentality that is often instilled into the minds of young children. Another reason is probably the concern that the parents may think, "What the heck does this creepy guy want with my daughter?" Of course, we shouldn't avoid a conversation with someone just because we don't know them; after all, that's how friends are made sometimes! :)

 

By the way, some people say it is "inappropriate" and "disrespectful" to flirt with a girl in front of their parents. While it is obviously a bad idea to make sexual advances in front of a girl's parents, I don't really see anything wrong with just chatting with her. In any case, I find that making small talk with the parents beforehand usually does a lot to break the ice.

 

Any thoughts?

[muggiwhplar]

This isn't really a "relationship" question per se, but does anyone else find it awkward to approach random girls/guys in front of family members?

 

As long as I know a girl pretty well (e.g., if she is a family friend), I can talk to her with absolutely no problem.

 

If it's a girl I'm not familiar with, I can still often make small talk with her. However, it's a different story when any of our parents are present. My mother generally doesn't mind when I chat with random girls (her advice is that I should act natural and not be creepy), and my father actually encourages it from time to time. However, I find it very awkward to start a conversation in front of my parents, and it feels even more weird if the girl's parents are there, even though it is unlikely that they will mind either (they may even be flattered because their daughter is seen as attractive).

 

There are a few exceptions, though. I am perfectly fine with talking to girls if:

 

1. I think she is affliated with any of my schools (if she's wearing a shirt with my school's mascot, I will her if she went to that school)

2. If we are just passing each other, I will say "hi" to her

3. I am in an environment where people are expected to socialize (e.g., a party)

 

Even so, I can rarely manage to hold a conversation longer than five lines.

 

Is anyone else in the same boat?

 

I'm guessing this awkwardness is caused by the "don't talk to strangers" mentality that is often instilled into the minds of young children. Another reason is probably the concern that the parents may think, "What the heck does this creepy guy want with my daughter?" Of course, we shouldn't avoid a conversation with someone just because we don't know them; after all, that's how friends are made sometimes! :)

 

By the way, some people say it is "inappropriate" and "disrespectful" to flirt with a girl in front of their parents. While it is obviously a bad idea to make sexual advances in front of a girl's parents, I don't really see anything wrong with just chatting with her. In any case, I find that making small talk with the parents beforehand usually does a lot to break the ice.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Whether or not you find it awkward to hit on girls in front of your parents is mostly based on how they raised you, and what things you consider "private" to them. I don't share too much of my personal life with my parents. My roommate and his parents are extremely close-- they talk to each other like they're best friends. My roommate's never had any problems talking about his sex life with them, and oddly I've met several people who can say anything like that to their parents w/o any sense of awkwardness. I cannot relate :P

 

I don't think this issue is related to morality or anything-- just upbringing.

[Omar]

My roommate and his parents are extremely close-- they talk to each other like they're best friends. My roommate's never had any problems talking about his sex life with them, and oddly I've met several people who can say anything like that to their parents w/o any sense of awkwardness. I cannot relate :P

Me neither. I wish I could, and so does my mother. I think the way my dad has brought me up caused this.

[Iamdan]

Yeah it really depends. I mean my parents never talked to each other about anything, let alone me so I feel weird just talking to my friends around them. One of my mates entire family are so laid back you can talk to them about literally anything and it's all cool. I mean his nana heard me having sex one night at his place and we were talking about it the next morning. It really depends on the relationship with your parents.

 

also,

 

[hide=]Ok texting. Really there is enough on this to write a book, but I’ll try and cover the basics about what to text when, and how to escalate.

You can build attraction and comfort through texts, but the ultimate goal is to meet up with her by doing this.

When you get the number, put more focus on the first meet up than the actual number. Do the age old ‘mention something cool you’re doing but don’t invite her till later’ drill I’ve posted here somewhere a few times. When you get the number, try and get her to invest in it. ‘we should hang out sometime’ is not a good way to get her to invest. Be specific, but make it something that isn’t high commitment and that you will do whether she goes or not.

You’ve gotten the number via a method I’ve posted, one somebody else has posted or some other way and you now have the dilemma of the first text.

First of all, if you have a number, it does NOT mean you are ‘in.’ It pretty much means nothing other than you have an extra way of communicating. She may not be attracted yet, in which case you need to work on that. Maybe she is attracted, so you DHV and tease her less, and build more rapport. She might not even like you at all and just gave you the number to avoid an awkward situation where she has to say no. Don’t let yourself get caught in the trap of thinking you are further than you really are, just because you have a phone number. You will need to know where you stand via body language, and her reactions to your flirting and role playing.

I like to start texting he as soon as I get her number while we’re still talking. This lets you get a feel for where you stand by being a little more sexual in the texts via role playing. If she responds positively, you’re doing well. If she doesn’t, don’t worry but obviously take a step back and flirt more lightly.

Emphasis on the words role playing - you don’t score points by telling her that she has nice boobs. Suggest you both leave the group for 40 seconds for sex so you can cuddle for 30 seconds. Have fun with it. You can go from ‘this cute girl is flirting with me, what should I do?’ to ‘whoever pulls me out will be the new king of England’ fairly quickly with positive responses if you do it right. Depending on the situation, you can even escalate that fast if you want more than a 1 night stand/casual fling.

If you get a negative response, back off a bit but don’t apologise.

If you end up texting her later then start with something low commitment. Something interesting that will make her want to respond, but light so it doesn’t matter if she ignores it. Callback humor is great too. If you gave her a nickname when you first met then use it. If she was feeling attracted to you when you gave her the nickname, and you use it again then it will bring back the memories and emotions of when she was attracted.

‘hey brat, I bet my weekend can beat up your weekend :)’

Picture the relationship from start to finish as a scale that slowly erases with time. If you get halfway through attraction on the scale, if you leave it a while it goes down, but you continue where you left off. If you screw up, time will fix it. The more you mess up the more time needed, but if you leave it a while you will have to start with light and low commitment stuff again.

Don’t ever send a message in the state of mind that ‘I need to fix that screw up’ because you will only make it worse.

Don’t invest emotionally much more than she does. If she sends standoffish replies, you don’t fix it by sending longer texts at shorter intervals.

Make your replies at random times, from seconds to hours after you’ve received hers. Don’t make it look like you’re focusing all her attention on her. Always be having more fun than she is at the time.

Avoid crap like

Hi how are you?

Good how are you?

Awesome, what are you up to?

Etc

Also don’t just tell her about your day unless you know she’s attracted and you’re in rapport building. Keep it fun and light.

[/hide]

 

might add more later

[RpgGamer]

If you're the third wheel? Don't be. Command the conversation to interest all three parties. It's up to them not to make it awkward. If they do...find an excuse to leave them be and entertain yourself. Most couples are considerate enough to only make it awkward for you once, realize their mistake and chill around you there after.

 

Flirting with grls when parents are around?

I can't do it. I can't speak in general around my parents. Not that I don't get along with them...I am just not very close with them. at all. So if i see a girl near any of her/my faimly - I instantly freeze up and can't do anything. Sad.

 

IamDan:

 

this cute girl is flirting with me, what should I do?

 

I like that. I like that alot. I'm putting that in my vault of one liners.

And thanks for the extra tips. My problem mostly enlies with defaulting to "boring" conversations like the classic "hey whats up". Lame. But I think I'm starting to get a feel for better alternatives. So I thank you.

[Celt23]

What's a good way to not feel weird when being the third wheel? Yesterday me and my friend were waiting for our bus to come along, and her boyfriend comes and they start going couple on me. Today it happened but was for pretty much the whole arvo until he had to go and catch a train.

Unless you can get someone else with you, it'll be weird. You can't really not feel weird when you're just sitting there next to your friend and her boyfriend doing their couple stuff, while you're on your own. I suggest just moving away and listening to music. :thumbup:

 

Tell me about it. <_<

 

Either ignore them or be all over someone else.

 

It sounds rude but you could also avoid the situation altogether. I know if I was sitting in a room with my friend and his/her girlfriend/boyfriend and they started doing couple stuff I would feel rather awkward.

 

Having been on both sides of this... it's awkward for both parties. So it'd be best to make up an excuse and go somewhere else.

[I_am_Geed]

What's a good way to not feel weird when being the third wheel? Yesterday me and my friend were waiting for our bus to come along, and her boyfriend comes and they start going couple on me. Today it happened but was for pretty much the whole arvo until he had to go and catch a train.

Unless you can get someone else with you, it'll be weird. You can't really not feel weird when you're just sitting there next to your friend and her boyfriend doing their couple stuff, while you're on your own. I suggest just moving away and listening to music. :thumbup:

 

Tell me about it. <_<

 

Either ignore them or be all over someone else.

 

It sounds rude but you could also avoid the situation altogether. I know if I was sitting in a room with my friend and his/her girlfriend/boyfriend and they started doing couple stuff I would feel rather awkward.

 

Having been on both sides of this... it's awkward for both parties. So it'd be best to make up an excuse and go somewhere else.

 

Unless your the kid who likes to make everyone feel uncomfortable like I enjoy sometimes. Lol