"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[tripsis]

So this is random venting and a warning and I'm not seeking advice but I **** up big! And I hope this story serves a lesson to all of you out there. So I'm a senior in highschool. I'm about to graduate in a little over a week. And in the fall I'm going away to college. However college, and the rest of my life is now on an uncertain path. If you haven't guessed by now I got my girlfriend of a year and a half pregnant. So yeah that sucks.

 

(For the next part I don't want to hear any comments on how we are idiots or anything because we knew of the slightly increase risk)

After a few months of having sex we decided going raw is more fun. (Obviously is but not the point!) After like 5 months of this, up until 2 weeks ago, maybe, everything went well. Then because her BC wasn't working entirely correctly with the regulation of her period it would start earlier than on the placebo then usual. Her doctor said all was well just don't have sex on those days. Well of course accidents happen and we did. She didn't tell me right off though because she didn't want me to spend the $50.00 on a plan B. After two days she confronted me. I obviously got her one. But we couldn't get it until a day later. So the odds of it working right further decreased. Now 2 and a half weeks later she is late.

 

Any questions?

(again don't criticize me. Whats done is done, and I know my mistakes)

Sorry but your asking for it, Dont [bleep]ing have sex without protection. Damn kids these days, no sense of awareness while the rest of us cant even get laid. (Obviously I'll get pissed since I haven't even had sex since December so sorry, but I'm starting to get moody about it)

Her BC was [bleep]ing up, I'm not sure you can pin all the blame on them and none of it on bad luck.

They had sex on the days that the doctor told them not to. That's not bad luck.

[Giordano]

Eh, I only feel sorry for the kid. Whichever path you take.

[xSxqPowerx]

Like Dan said, I would be absolutely PISSED that she did not say that there may have been a problem.

 

Firstly I always use a condom... but if I even suspect that it may have broken or failed or whatever I will be going out and buying a Plan B pill immediately.

[Omar]

They had sex on the days that the doctor told them not to. That's not bad luck.

He said accidents happen. I'm not sure if her no-sex day was shifted unexpectedly or if she just didn't care.

[nickeley102]

After a few months of having sex we decided going raw is more fun

Really?

 

Anyway, I was in a similar situation in 2008. My girlfriend and I were in the States when we found out she was 4 months preggas. We decided to terminate and it was illegal in CT so we had to jump states. Nothing has made me feel so rotten in my whole life. But it was a decision we gave a lot of consideration to and despite her religious convictions and my sense of duty we knew we would be doing a disservice to ourselves and society by attempting to soundly raise a child while still at school.

 

We talked about existentialism and what gives life meaning (according to us). In hindsight the steps we went through and the consideration we gave made it easier and a decision we were less likely to regret. Remember that its something you will have to live with the rest of your life either way. We also decided that regret wasn't productive and that we would make steps to help children who are malnourished/dying and make a difference that way.

 

Contraception is a big deal and abstinence isn't that bad once you get past social assumptions and barriers

[magegoogles]

If other methods don't work out, will you get an abortion?

I find that unlikely. First off its not my decision. She is against them anyway and I'm not going to push the issue. If she does go through with it we will do one of those adoption things where it goes directly to a couple that cannot have kids.

 

She didn't tell me right off though because she didn't want me to spend the $50.00 on a plan B.

 

That would piss me off. I've only been really angry once in my life and it takes a lot, but that would do it for me. It's only $30, and if she was that worried she could have paid for some of it. The price of the pill is a [cabbage] load cheaper than the price of a kid.

I was mad at first when she told me. But it wasn't like she waited a few days. It was more until next time she went to take a pill and it was like uh we shouldn't have done it. So more hesitation? But I cannot really be pissed at her because it takes two to mess up. I didn't wear a condom so I really cannot blame it all on her.

 

As for magegoogles, I hope it all works out well. Be proud that you may have a kid soon. It's really a beautiful thing. Planned or otherwise.

Thanks.

 

They had sex on the days that the doctor told them not to. That's not bad luck.

He said accidents happen. I'm not sure if her no-sex day was shifted unexpectedly or if she just didn't care.

It was an accident. It was more the fact she forgot she wasn't on a real pill that day. And yes I do believe that it shifted a day or two varying from month to month.

 

After a few months of having sex we decided going raw is more fun

Really?

 

Anyway, I was in a similar situation in 2008. My girlfriend and I were in the States when we found out she was 4 months preggas. We decided to terminate and it was illegal in CT so we had to jump states. Nothing has made me feel so rotten in my whole life. But it was a decision we gave a lot of consideration to and despite her religious convictions and my sense of duty we knew we would be doing a disservice to ourselves and society by attempting to soundly raise a child while still at school.

 

We talked about existentialism and what gives life meaning (according to us). In hindsight the steps we went through and the consideration we gave made it easier and a decision we were less likely to regret. Remember that its something you will have to live with the rest of your life either way. We also decided that regret wasn't productive and that we would make steps to help children who are malnourished/dying and make a difference that way.

 

Contraception is a big deal and abstinence isn't that bad once you get past social assumptions and barriers

Haha yes. Not worth it though once stuff like this happens sadly.

 

And thanks for that input. Again its not my decision. I'm leaving it entirely up to her since she has to be the one to carry the baby and such. I'm like 90 percent positive that her mom has had one before. And if she finds out she will force on her despite the fact that she is 18. And I want to say at one point she said her mom and her siblings have a high miscarriage rate. Though I don't want to ask now because that is very in appropriate that I would wish for something like that to happen.

 

I don't really have many updates just it is now 3 days late and if another 2 pass she will take a test for positive confirmation.

[nickeley102]

...have a high miscarriage rate. Though I don't want to ask now because that is very in appropriate that I would wish for something like that to happen.

Good call. Huge props

[Maleficus1055]

So now it's summer, my girlfriend just graduated and i'm now a senior in college.

The good thing for us is she's going to a good local college, and they're giving her like $19K to go and room there or some weird deal like that, so she gets to live in a dorm and get away from her bat-[cabbage] insane asian parents. And thats about a 20 minute bike ride from my school

Basically, this summer will be like a little break and I can get some alone time with myself since her parents dont let her out much, then in September she turns 18 and goes off to live at college, things are gonna get much better :)

[RpgGamer]

Safe Sex is great sex. Better wear a latex, cause you don't want that late text that "I think I'm late - TEXT"

 

Have fun Maleficious! :D

 

Plan B is now in pursuit B)

[Adam007]

My first time coming to this topic for help. I go to school at the University of Michigan where I have my own place so usually this isn't an issue. But I'm staying home this summer and currently have my first relationship outside of college. The thing is normally I have my own place to have time alone with a girl. But neither of us are comfortable yet having each other at our homes yet. We've made out in parking lots in the car but that got old fast since we can't escalate things. Does anyone have any recommendations?

[Omar]

My first time coming to this topic for help. I go to school at the University of Michigan where I have my own place so usually this isn't an issue. But I'm staying home this summer and currently have my first relationship outside of college. The thing is normally I have my own place to have time alone with a girl. But neither of us are comfortable yet having each other at our homes yet. We've made out in parking lots in the car but that got old fast since we can't escalate things. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Google Map through your city, find a spot where you know there will be no one to bother you?

[Pirate_Felix]

My first time coming to this topic for help. I go to school at the University of Michigan where I have my own place so usually this isn't an issue. But I'm staying home this summer and currently have my first relationship outside of college. The thing is normally I have my own place to have time alone with a girl. But neither of us are comfortable yet having each other at our homes yet. We've made out in parking lots in the car but that got old fast since we can't escalate things. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Google Map through your city, find a spot where you know there will be no one to bother you?

I think he doesnt like public sex

Im quite sure hes talking about that

Solution: Get a van

[Maleficus1055]

My first time coming to this topic for help. I go to school at the University of Michigan where I have my own place so usually this isn't an issue. But I'm staying home this summer and currently have my first relationship outside of college. The thing is normally I have my own place to have time alone with a girl. But neither of us are comfortable yet having each other at our homes yet. We've made out in parking lots in the car but that got old fast since we can't escalate things. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Google Map through your city, find a spot where you know there will be no one to bother you?

I think he doesnt like public sex

Im quite sure hes talking about that

Solution: Get a van

 

VW Bus with a waterbed :D

[Omar]

I just don't get how you can be comfortable going past first with your partner and not be comfortable going to their house. #-o

[Maleficus1055]

I just don't get how you can be comfortable going past first with your partner and not be comfortable going to their house. #-o

 

That's pretty much exactly my train of thought.

[Adam007]

I just don't get how you can be comfortable going past first with your partner and not be comfortable going to their house. #-o

 

That's pretty much exactly my train of thought.

It's a little more complicated. We are comfortable going to each others houses, just we haven't been dating for long yet and haven't brought it up with our parents because we both live at home. She added me on facebook because we have a lot of mutual friends. We live just a few miles from each other. But I haven't told my parents that I'm seeing this girl because they haven't been aware of my past relationships and in my opinion it's weird to explain that we met online. I know the right thing to do, it would be to just talk to them about it, but I'm just not comfortable with that. If I felt like it could turn out to be more than a short term summer thing I would eventually bring it up. But right now I feel like I'm back in highschool again. I guess with time I'll figure things out, thanks guys.

[Omar]

It's a little more complicated. We are comfortable going to each others houses, just we haven't been dating for long yet and haven't brought it up with our parents because we both live at home. She added me on facebook because we have a lot of mutual friends. We live just a few miles from each other. But I haven't told my parents that I'm seeing this girl because they haven't been aware of my past relationships and in my opinion it's weird to explain that we met online. I know the right thing to do, it would be to just talk to them about it, but I'm just not comfortable with that. If I felt like it could turn out to be more than a short term summer thing I would eventually bring it up. But right now I feel like I'm back in highschool again. I guess with time I'll figure things out, thanks guys.

 

You can say you met through mutual friends, and whether you have a short summer thing or a long relationship is not something your parents should judge you on--and they most likely won't. I mean, you're their son, not someone they don't know at all. You should tell them, if only to get closer.

[RpgGamer]

Adam, they're going to figure it out eventually. They're your parents. You might as well tell them that you're seeing her. You can make up a fake story as to how you met if it really bothers you that much. House > Car any day. If it's been any longer than 2 weeks, I think it's safe to invite her into your home.

[Iamdan]

Just say she's only a friend, it's what I do. When you guys disappear into your bedroom your parents know whats up, but you can avoid the 21 questions by sticking to the friend story.

[aquariusman]

I just don't get how you can be comfortable going past first with your partner and not be comfortable going to their house. #-o

 

That's pretty much exactly my train of thought.

It's a little more complicated. We are comfortable going to each others houses, just we haven't been dating for long yet and haven't brought it up with our parents because we both live at home. She added me on facebook because we have a lot of mutual friends. We live just a few miles from each other. But I haven't told my parents that I'm seeing this girl because they haven't been aware of my past relationships and in my opinion it's weird to explain that we met online. I know the right thing to do, it would be to just talk to them about it, but I'm just not comfortable with that. If I felt like it could turn out to be more than a short term summer thing I would eventually bring it up. But right now I feel like I'm back in highschool again. I guess with time I'll figure things out, thanks guys.

 

Having your parents meet your girlfriend after hiding it from them is awkward, it was for me. I had already gone through what I'd call a "serious" relationship before my parents met one of my girlfriends. Just don't worry about, if you dig her, there should be no reason to be afraid of bringing a girl home.

 

So just have her come over, to your parents, she's your "friend". If they don't ask you about your relationships, they don't want to be nosey. If they think you're having sex, there's two possiblities: "The talk", but you're too old, and THEM being all quiet and awkward. So I'd say you're safe.

[Lenticular_J]

Call her your girlfriend, if she's your girlfriend. She will appreciate it. If you introduce a girlfriend (or potential girlfriend) as your friend or lady friend, odds are that's all she'll be. One of those chivalrous things, you could say.

 

If she isn't your girlfriend, introduce her with just her name. No titles.

[Jeffwilson99]

Adam, can't you just go to your/her place when your parents aren't home, like during the day or something? That's what I'd do...

[magegoogles]

Adam, can't you just go to your/her place when your parents aren't home, like during the day or something? That's what I'd do...

Thats a very trashy idea. Sorry but most girls I know don't like the idea of going somewhere just for sex. At least in the beginning of a relationship. Maybe once they are more comfortable with you, and possibly enjoy it, you can pull that stuff off.

[Iamdan]

Adam, can't you just go to your/her place when your parents aren't home, like during the day or something? That's what I'd do...

Thats a very trashy idea. Sorry but most girls I know don't like the idea of going somewhere just for sex. At least in the beginning of a relationship. Maybe once they are more comfortable with you, and possibly enjoy it, you can pull that stuff off.

 

How the [bleep] is that trashy? Cmon you're a teenager, not a 40 year old woman. Sex in public is exciting, the risk of being caught makes it so much hotter. For both (all?) people involved if they enjoy something a bit more exciting than missionary in the dark through a sheet.

[Jeffwilson99]

Adam, can't you just go to your/her place when your parents aren't home, like during the day or something? That's what I'd do...

Thats a very trashy idea. Sorry but most girls I know don't like the idea of going somewhere just for sex. At least in the beginning of a relationship. Maybe once they are more comfortable with you, and possibly enjoy it, you can pull that stuff off.

 

How the [bleep] is that trashy? Cmon you're a teenager, not a 40 year old woman. Sex in public is exciting, the risk of being caught makes it so much hotter. For both (all?) people involved if they enjoy something a bit more exciting than missionary in the dark through a sheet.

 

I wan't implying you go there for just for sex... I just meant that you could ask to come around and chill, which doesn't necessarily equate to sex. And if you did, it;s not like you get there, have sex, and then kick her out straight away cos you think your parents are going to be home soon...And if you don't feel comfortable having sex in your own home, then why are you going to feel more comfortable going some other random place?