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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios

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Word from the experienced:

 

First times[of the relationship or in general] are best lost in the comfort of a planned environment. Any time after that can be anywhere at any time. So...if you've already fooled around in a car...taking her to a home would be an improvement. I'm not quite getting what the problem is other than you don't want you're parents to know you're with this girl [which is a pointless desire in my opinion]. Go to your house. Chill. Have fun. Don't have sex. Do it again. But then let it escalate further. Haning out at home =/= sex. And don't let it get that way either, because believe it or not too much sex can kill a relationship.

 

So:

 

1) Wait a week or so

2) introduce her to your parents as your girlfriend [or just her name, if you aren't official yet]

3) Do what ever you damn well please

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Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

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Adam, can't you just go to your/her place when your parents aren't home, like during the day or something? That's what I'd do...

Thats a very trashy idea. Sorry but most girls I know don't like the idea of going somewhere just for sex. At least in the beginning of a relationship. Maybe once they are more comfortable with you, and possibly enjoy it, you can pull that stuff off.

The fact that you have to go anywhere to do anything means you'll never have sex then?

 

No, no. Unplanned "chilling" (?!) is the best way to go. Too much pre-planned crap is...not fun.

"The cry of the poor is not always just, but if you never hear it you'll never know what justice is."

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because believe it or not too much sex can kill a relationship.

 

That's only when you aren't really in love. The novelty does not wear off love.

 

 

Now now, I didn't say sex kills love. I said over excess of it can weaken a relationship. Theoretically it was a problem in my last relationship, because we'd go 2-3 times a day, watch some TV, grab something to eat, and that'd be it. After a while, the 'relationship' aspect of it kind of fell through. Theoretically.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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The fact that you have to go anywhere to do anything means you'll never have sex then?

 

No, no. Unplanned "chilling" (?!) is the best way to go. Too much pre-planned crap is...not fun.

No it isn't. It takes a man to be decisive, and know when, where, what you're doing. Always asking, "What do you want to do?" is a turnoff for both sexes.

catch it now so you can like it before it went so mainstream

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The fact that you have to go anywhere to do anything means you'll never have sex then?

 

No, no. Unplanned "chilling" (?!) is the best way to go. Too much pre-planned crap is...not fun.

No it isn't. It takes a man to be decisive, and know when, where, what you're doing. Always asking, "What do you want to do?" is a turnoff for both sexes.

 

 

I agree. 9/10 times if asked the question "what do you want to do" if both parties will have no plans, nothing exciting ends up happening. There should alway be a loose plan. Even if you don't let her in on the secret. I like making my date beleive that it's all spontaneous off-the-cuff fun. When actually, a good portion of it is carefully planned. I hate being asked to hang out just to find out the person that invited me had nothihng to do. it's actually slightly irritating tbh.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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The fact that you have to go anywhere to do anything means you'll never have sex then?

 

No, no. Unplanned "chilling" (?!) is the best way to go. Too much pre-planned crap is...not fun.

"What do you want to do?" is a turnoff for both sexes.

It is, which is why I do both. Spontaneous decisions, I do it a lot. Decide at 8pm to go to a party, then talk a few people into going to the beach in the morning at 1am etc.

 

Being indecisive is a turn off but you can avoid that and still not plan things.

 

Now now, I didn't say sex kills love. I said over excess of it can weaken a relationship. Theoretically it was a problem in my last relationship, because we'd go 2-3 times a day, watch some TV, grab something to eat, and that'd be it. After a while, the 'relationship' aspect of it kind of fell through. Theoretically.

About a month into their relationship, a couple I know had sex 3-5 times a day. They still have sex at least once a day now 2-3 years later, usually twice and quite often more.

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About a month into their relationship, a couple I know had sex 3-5 times a day. They still have sex at least once a day now 2-3 years later, usually twice and quite often more.

 

 

Lucky them :lol:

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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My girlfriend of nearly nine months broke up with me and told me she doesn't love me anymore.

 

I gave her everything I had, I was the best I could possibly be to her...

 

 

But she didn't give you all she did. And if she did...it still wasn't enough. If it wasn't meant to be, forcing it is only going to get you in more [cabbage]. It hurts. We've all been there. But think of all that effort you can now put into your own interests. All that stuff you could never do because you were trying so hard for her can now be done! Think of the possibilities that just opened their doors! Welcome, to the liberated feeling of singledom. It sucks at first, but once you get used to it...it's not so bad. Besides...there's plenty of other chicks out there. 3 billion or so in fact. If she wasn't the one, she was only holding you back from finding the better option. Now go out there and meet that better option!

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Alright, I probably haven't posted on these forums in about a year, let alone this topic. But you guys are the most helpful people I feel I can talk to, and I'm glad that I'm still a member of these forums.

 

This isn't really a problem with relationships as you guys have been talking about for the past several pages. Hell, I could care less about hooking up with women right now, and I probably won't until I'm in college (unless of course I meet a women I just naturally connect with, and just let the relationship run its course). I guess I'm asking this here because it's about my relationship with everyone. My friends, my peers, family, and even myself. I could write a really long story which would give you some good background information, and might help somebody figure this out. But I'll just stick to the basics to avoid an overly-long post. I apologize in advance if this seems unorganized or difficult to follow; I haven't really planned this out, I'm just typing what rolls off my mind.

 

I've been bottling this up for 2 years, and any opportunity I've found to squeeze off a little of the pressure has failed miserably, leading to depression until the next day.

 

I used to be a fun and social person. I have no idea what happened or where it went. All I remember is that it began to happen at the beginning of my sophomore year. A simple fluke in my schedule perhaps, which conflicted with those of my friends. I don't know, but I became less interactive for that one semester. One would think that it shouldn't have much effect, but I found myself with lower self-esteem and confidence that made it difficult for me to communicate with others. I realized that I'm not having nearly as much fun as anybody else, and I began to spend all my time outside of school at home. I became afraid to go out. After a while of that, I guess everything else lost interest in me, because they thought I lost an interest in them. This might sound like typical social anxiety to any of you, but it's dug itself so deep into my life that it'll take more than a few encouraging words to get it out. It's seems as if it's affected my personality.

 

I have trouble even speaking to people. I've discovered that this could be the basis of all my problems, but I don't know how to fix it. Let me explain. It seems that when I'm talking to nearly anyone, I literally can't think of what to say in a conversation. This results in me giving very few responses and eventually just "yup" or "mhmm", until the other person seems to lose interest and any communication stops there. I never recall having this problem in my earlier years, and I have no idea what to do about it. I feel that if I let this go unanswered it will cause me major problems for the rest of my life. I could have great interest in the person or what they're talking about, but it might not seem like it to them because I just can't come up with anything to say.

 

Let me give you an example, that stems from one of the biggest regrets in my life. Mind you that this will be very difficult to describe without giving a very long background story. I have an older sister and two older brothers, all of whom I love dearly. My two oldest brothers are significantly older than me (5 and 7 years), so they got along best with each other growing up. They were like best friends. When my oldest brother left for the Air Force, the other stayed close to home, going to college. I have to be careful describing this next part, not to get it wrong. He became not just my older brother, but my brother. He's a very interesting and funny person, and I looked up to him greatly. He was gracious enough to take me along on some of his adventures, and i loved it, but because of that one simple problem I described above, it was like he was dragging me along against my will. I feel that he took it the wrong way and thought I wasn't interested in him. Now he left for the Air Force and I'm stuck with a lot of unresolved issues.

 

This is one of many examples of what this has done to my life. I have a ton of other social issues as a result of this, but I truly believe that if I can find a way to solve this, I can begin working on myself. But I don't know how. It's such a simple problem, but I don't know what to do about it.

 

That might have been a long read for what I'm trying to say, but I want to make sure I got my point across. How do I talk to people? When I'm in a conversation, how do I know what I should say next? I might know how I should respond, but I just don't what to say... How can I avoid awkward situations and have healthy communication with others? How can I avoid seeming invisible, so I can finally just go out and have a normal interesting life...

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I have the same problem of not being able to carry a conversation, but lately it hasn't been so bad. All I can really say is, practice makes perfect. Every time you have a conversation, you'll get just a little bit better at it. Eventually you'll be back to normal. It's hard to take the first step, but it's just something you have to do, and you won't regret it.

 

Eh, someone else will probably come in and explain it better than I can.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

This line doesn't rhyme,

And neither does this one.

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Blindbaker took the words out of my mouth. I also have that issue where I used to be more social, than a random wave of unsocialability hit me, and I went through a LONG period of not being able to hold a conversation. What broke the curse? New people. I finially got fed up with being by myself all the time, and it was bad enough that it counter acted al previous anti social feelings. My desire to have fun and not sit around and be miserable actually fueled my future conversations [at first out of desperation]. But over time, the conversations became more natureal, and now I'm more or less alright. I still have days where I don't open my mouth or text, or even message people because I don't feel like interacting out of a "unsocial [usually semi-depressed] mood. I blame this phenomenon on the fact that I knew I wouldn't be fun to be around, so I just didn't make any plans. To contain the misery and not let it spread. But I've since realized that was stupid, and that meeting new people makes me very happy. And when I'm happy - I'm social.

 

So maybe you're life is missing something. And it's bothering you to the point of disassociation. my guess is that you miss your brother. Try to have a nicve chat with him. Get yourself in a good mood, and talk to more people. Soon you'll be enveloped in a social realm you'll have no choice but to participate in.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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I do miss him, and I've also noticed that since he left I began to take more interest in the type of things he did. I feel like I could be trying to follow in his footsteps. I've always looked up not only to him, but to the way he lived his life, and I think subconsciously I want my life to be like his was. Unrealistic hopes I know, but I think I just need to step up and make my life the way I want it to be, whether it's modeled after him or not. The only thing is, I live out on a farm, and am interested in more outdoors-type activities. I only have 1 friend in my whole school who I know is into that stuff. I just really wish my brother was back for this. I'm only going to see him 1-2 times per year now.

 

I guess I do have more friends than I think, I just almost never communicate with them outside of school. And you're right, whenever I think about it, I begin to think about how much more fun they must have than me, and how I just wouldn't be a fun person. And then there are a few days where I feel great about myself. I guess we can relate pretty well there.

 

It's just that when I'm trying to talk to someone, my confidence immediately drops once I notice that I can't think of anything to say. I've even resorted to googling tips on making conversation, but nothing's worked so far.

 

I really appreciate the advice though.

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A basic trick to keep a conversation going is looking for the subject of what the previous person said, and commenting on it.

 

A: *tells story of some time he forgot his id when he went clubbing*

 

The subject words are clubbing, forgetting, and id. You can branch off from any of these.

 

B: I have a bone to pick with that, I could buy alcohol and get into bars when I was 16. Then a few months before I turned 18 there was that huge thing in the media about underage drinking, I'm now 19 and get carded wherever I go. I remember the first time I bought alcohol underage, I was at this party and.....

 

The subject words are id, alcohol, bars, party

 

A: I don't go to many parties anymore, I mostly go to smaller gatherings and bbqs. This one huge open house kinda turned me off them. *Tells story about an open house that was packed elbow to elbow right up the street, the house got destroyed, some guy lost an eye, about 60 cops turned up, tried to buy alcohol but got carded etc*

 

Listen to what the other person is saying, identify the subject words and go from there. When you have no idea what to say, it's because you have so many things to say but you can't decide.

 

If you keep giving 1 word answers and being bad at conversion, then you will get lots of practice and get good at exactly that. The only way to break out is to push through your comfort zone, and keep pushing.

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Right now, I really don't know what to do...

 

I currently have a girlfriend of about four months. She's expecting me to take it further- we even got into an argument about it, which I found idiotic in itself- and I really, really don't want to. I'm not ready for something like that yet. But, at the same time, I think I'm losing interest in the... female gender. I don't know if this feeling is caused by not wanting to go that far with her and just overall confusion, or what. I'm wondering if I should, well, give into these feelings and try something out, but the idea doesn't seem too appealing to me atm. :/

I have no idea what to do right now.

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Consider yourself lucky, takes me four months just to get a damn kiss (virgins, I have SO many problems with them)

 

Unrelated, Im getting a tad worried over my friend. She's been dating this guy for over a year now and most of us worry about her because he's known to be aggressive and pressuring. I'm not sure what to do.

 

Every time we ask her about him she says "oh.... everything's fine" When we know its not, and we feel like shes only with him because shes either scared of him, scared of what he'll do or she thinks she wont get another caring boyfriend which is a load of crap. Should I try and organise say, a movie night with her and her friend (Cause her friend is also one of my friends) so we can try and get her away from him just to give her a break (since hes ALWAYS at her house or he drags her back to his house) or just wait on the sidelines until it goes too far and we have to forcibly intervene?

Popoto.~<3

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Tim Finch, I'm inclined to believe that those feelings have a lot to do with aging. You described verbatim how I felt at that age. As a youth I was very social and was surrounded by friends and then all of a sudden I was the polar opposite. I just naturally grew out of it without even realizing. I mean, I wouldn't exactly call myself outgoing now but I'm confident when it comes to social interactions now. In fact, I kind of even like them now. So yeah, maybe it has to do with that transitional period from being a boy to being a man. Just my guess.

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I'm starting to feel better and get over my ex and it's day one still. I went out with a friend tonight and hung around which is probably the best cure. I figure it will be relatively easy to get over her, as since she's off to college and secluded all summer due to parents, I may never see her again. I can let her fade away while I move on to other people. Only time can tell, I guess.

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Consider yourself lucky, takes me four months just to get a damn kiss (virgins, I have SO many problems with them)

 

:/ You're doing it wrong

 

Unrelated, Im getting a tad worried over my friend. She's been dating this guy for over a year now and most of us worry about her because he's known to be aggressive and pressuring. I'm not sure what to do.

 

Every time we ask her about him she says "oh.... everything's fine" When we know its not, and we feel like shes only with him because shes either scared of him, scared of what he'll do or she thinks she wont get another caring boyfriend which is a load of crap. Should I try and organise say, a movie night with her and her friend (Cause her friend is also one of my friends) so we can try and get her away from him just to give her a break (since hes ALWAYS at her house or he drags her back to his house) or just wait on the sidelines until it goes too far and we have to forcibly intervene?

As long as he's not physically aggressive I would just let it be. Not a fan of playing the parent, or when people do it for me. I'm assuming she's around your age, she can take care of herself.

 

To expand on[hide=]

A basic trick to keep a conversation going is looking for the subject of what the previous person said, and commenting on it.

 

A: *tells story of some time he forgot his id when he went clubbing*

 

The subject words are clubbing, forgetting, and id. You can branch off from any of these.

 

B: I have a bone to pick with that, I could buy alcohol and get into bars when I was 16. Then a few months before I turned 18 there was that huge thing in the media about underage drinking, I'm now 19 and get carded wherever I go. I remember the first time I bought alcohol underage, I was at this party and.....

 

The subject words are id, alcohol, bars, party

 

A: I don't go to many parties anymore, I mostly go to smaller gatherings and bbqs. This one huge open house kinda turned me off them. *Tells story about an open house that was packed elbow to elbow right up the street, the house got destroyed, some guy lost an eye, about 60 cops turned up, tried to buy alcohol but got carded etc*

 

Listen to what the other person is saying, identify the subject words and go from there. When you have no idea what to say, it's because you have so many things to say but you can't decide.

 

If you keep giving 1 word answers and being bad at conversion, then you will get lots of practice and get good at exactly that. The only way to break out is to push through your comfort zone, and keep pushing.

[/hide] a bit,

 

If they aren't contributing much to the conversation (something you should expect when first meeting people) then you can just tell random stories. You don't need a segway or anything, you can just go from story to story. Use my tip about adding a random fact from here mid story to make sure they are interested and paying attention.

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I guess it's the fact that in person I have to give answers in real time, and perhaps I just need time to formulate a response.

 

Now that I think of it, that does sound like something that can be solved with practice. And I have all summer to practice.

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I guess it's the fact that in person I have to give answers in real time, and perhaps I just need time to formulate a response.

 

Now that I think of it, that does sound like something that can be solved with practice. And I have all summer to practice.

I have the same problem, and then I feel like I get all uncomfortable and awkward when I can't think of anything to say for a while. Honestly, I know it is because I'm used to facebook, txt messaging, and stuff like that where you don't have to give answers in real time.. it seems so much easier that way. But, it is all practice... and talking to people more face to face rather then through text or online.

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