"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Omar]

Adam, kill it. I was basically in the same situation not long ago. If you can't ignore the negative traits about someone at the start, you won't later on, I think, and that doesn't make for a very healthy relationship; it's leading her on, and that will hurt just as much, if not more than meeting up with her and ending whatever you had going.

[RpgGamer]

Adam, the "right" thing for you to do would be end it now. But where's the fun in that? You still have an entire summer to explore this relationship. and who knows? Maybe she'll gain some intellect from being around you more often. The long distance thing sucks, but maybe you'll actually want to try it if you give her a chance now. In your position, I'd continue to date her through the summer, and see how it progresses. If after three months you still can't stand talking to her, then you're moving to a "long distance" anyway, and it won't matter much. I think you're pre-emptively worrying about all of this.

 

and I agree entirely with Promise...love has very little to do with the brain. Have a heart [and your junk gets a vote, too]

[aquariusman]

Way I can see to end it right now, or be able to go with a summer fling and set up (Prepare her) for a break up when you leave for med school: Just tell her you don't want to start something serious with her because you are leaving for med school at the end of the summer. Whether this means you're breaking up with her, or you want a fling, depends on her interpretation, and she'll interpret it as what she wants. If you think you don't want to try a fling, just tell her that if she suggests it or if she thinks that's what you mean.

 

Also good: It's your last summer before med school so you don't want to be tied down before the no-life that will be med school.

 

 

As for my situation, someone asked if I think she still has feelings for me? I really don't know. I've always found it very easy to "read" her in some ways, then impossible in others. I doubt that she has feelings for me though. I'm almost thinking that I have feelings for someone else, but I really don't know right now. I've decided to settle on aiming for fun rather than a relationship, but of course my feelings are going to be what dictates that in the end.

[obfuscator]

Adam, the "right" thing for you to do would be end it now. But where's the fun in that? You still have an entire summer to explore this relationship. and who knows? Maybe she'll gain some intellect from being around you more often. The long distance thing sucks, but maybe you'll actually want to try it if you give her a chance now. In your position, I'd continue to date her through the summer, and see how it progresses. If after three months you still can't stand talking to her, then you're moving to a "long distance" anyway, and it won't matter much. I think you're pre-emptively worrying about all of this.

 

and I agree entirely with Promise...love has very little to do with the brain. Have a heart [and your junk gets a vote, too]

So you're basically suggesting that he use her as a [bleep] buddy when he knows he doesn't like her. Great advice :thumbup:

[RpgGamer]

Adam, the "right" thing for you to do would be end it now. But where's the fun in that? You still have an entire summer to explore this relationship. and who knows? Maybe she'll gain some intellect from being around you more often. The long distance thing sucks, but maybe you'll actually want to try it if you give her a chance now. In your position, I'd continue to date her through the summer, and see how it progresses. If after three months you still can't stand talking to her, then you're moving to a "long distance" anyway, and it won't matter much. I think you're pre-emptively worrying about all of this.

 

and I agree entirely with Promise...love has very little to do with the brain. Have a heart [and your junk gets a vote, too]

So you're basically suggesting that he use her as a [bleep] buddy when he knows he doesn't like her. Great advice

 

 

It's not using her. Obviously he cares about her, otherwise this question wouldn't have even been posted. He would have known right off the bat what was the right decision. I'm actually encouraging him to try to have a relationship which is quite the opposite of a [bleep] buddy. But thanks for the input :thumbup:

[obfuscator]

Adam, the "right" thing for you to do would be end it now. But where's the fun in that? You still have an entire summer to explore this relationship. and who knows? Maybe she'll gain some intellect from being around you more often. The long distance thing sucks, but maybe you'll actually want to try it if you give her a chance now. In your position, I'd continue to date her through the summer, and see how it progresses. If after three months you still can't stand talking to her, then you're moving to a "long distance" anyway, and it won't matter much. I think you're pre-emptively worrying about all of this.

 

and I agree entirely with Promise...love has very little to do with the brain. Have a heart [and your junk gets a vote, too]

So you're basically suggesting that he use her as a [bleep] buddy when he knows he doesn't like her. Great advice

 

 

It's not using her. Obviously he cares about her, otherwise this question wouldn't have even been posted. He would have known right off the bat what was the right decision. I'm actually encouraging him to try to have a relationship which is quite the opposite of a [bleep] buddy. But thanks for the input :thumbup:

 

Adam, the "right" thing for you to do would be end it now. But where's the fun in that?

 

You said it yourself, the right thing to do is end it now if his feeling don't lead him to think this relationship has a future in the long term? "But where's the fun in that?" What does that imply? That its ok to leade her on just because it will be "fun"?

 

But yes, you didn't mention [bleep] buddying. My mistake.

[Adam007]

I told her that if she thinks she won't be able to handle the likelihood of this being short term than she should be emotionally responsible and let me know. She was pretty upset to hear this but wants to keep hanging out most likely in the hopes that I decide at the end of the summer I want to keep dating. Which means my plan kind of back-fired but at least she's ready for a potential breakup. I have been thinking about calling it off soon. I'd like some advice on how to do it though. We do have a strong emotional connection but how do I tell her that I can't stand normal conversation with her? Say that we don't have an "intellectual connection"? Not on "the same wavelength"? Have "different interests"?

[Romy]

I told her that if she thinks she won't be able to handle the likelihood of this being short term than she should be emotionally responsible and let me know. She was pretty upset to hear this but wants to keep hanging out most likely in the hopes that I decide at the end of the summer I want to keep dating. Which means my plan kind of back-fired but at least she's ready for a potential breakup. I have been thinking about calling it off soon. I'd like some advice on how to do it though. We do have a strong emotional connection but how do I tell her that I can't stand normal conversation with her? Say that we don't have an "intellectual connection"? Not on "the same wavelength"? Have "different interests"?

 

I wouldn't tell her that. That's a lot like saying she's just not smart enough to be with you.

 

Just do it gentely, try to hurt her as little as possible, tell her it's just going to be hard to keep long-distant relationship, something around those lines.

[obfuscator]

That's tricky. I'd just go with the "different interests" thing unless you want to be brutally honest.

[Adam007]

I told her that if she thinks she won't be able to handle the likelihood of this being short term than she should be emotionally responsible and let me know. She was pretty upset to hear this but wants to keep hanging out most likely in the hopes that I decide at the end of the summer I want to keep dating. Which means my plan kind of back-fired but at least she's ready for a potential breakup. I have been thinking about calling it off soon. I'd like some advice on how to do it though. We do have a strong emotional connection but how do I tell her that I can't stand normal conversation with her? Say that we don't have an "intellectual connection"? Not on "the same wavelength"? Have "different interests"?

 

I wouldn't tell her that. That's a lot like saying she's just not smart enough to be with you.

 

Just do it gentely, try to hurt her as little as possible, tell her it's just going to be hard to keep long-distant relationship, something around those lines.

That's what I have been saying but she feels like if I like her enough the distance shouldn't matter. Therefore I have to have a specific reason why I basically am not willing to put in the effort to maintain a long term long distance relationship which is where I'm stuck at.

[Romy]

I told her that if she thinks she won't be able to handle the likelihood of this being short term than she should be emotionally responsible and let me know. She was pretty upset to hear this but wants to keep hanging out most likely in the hopes that I decide at the end of the summer I want to keep dating. Which means my plan kind of back-fired but at least she's ready for a potential breakup. I have been thinking about calling it off soon. I'd like some advice on how to do it though. We do have a strong emotional connection but how do I tell her that I can't stand normal conversation with her? Say that we don't have an "intellectual connection"? Not on "the same wavelength"? Have "different interests"?

 

I wouldn't tell her that. That's a lot like saying she's just not smart enough to be with you.

 

Just do it gentely, try to hurt her as little as possible, tell her it's just going to be hard to keep long-distant relationship, something around those lines.

That's what I have been saying but she feels like if I like her enough the distance shouldn't matter. Therefore I have to have a specific reason why I basically am not willing to put in the effort to maintain a long term long distance relationship which is where I'm stuck at.

 

You should probably tie in lots of "small" reasons. Like, it's a long distance, I'd rather not be tied down, we don't share the same interests. Work it out.

[Promise]

Tell her you're gay. :thumbsup:

 

Sorry, just had to. lol

[Iamdan]

Tell her the truth: Long distance relationships suck. It's not a relationship, it's a pen pal [bleep] buddy.

[Tim]

@Maleficus1055's story few pages back, If it were me I'd bludge the bastard. Any man who steals his mates girl and screws her over like that doesn't deserve to even be in any form of relationship. [bleep] buddy, serious, casual, w/e.

 

 

 

Me: I think I might not have got the job. So im bracing for the worst and buying a 2L coke for my whiskey to calm myself down later if im not successful. (and preparing to run away if I dont find anything in 2 weeks)

 

EDIT: I just realized im not on the "Today..." topic. >.<

[Maleficus1055]

To add a teeny bit to my story, pretty much all of the two's friends have turned on them. And someone went down to her parents place of business and left a note detailing what happened between the two. Her parents are insane and won't even allow her to have a boyfriend. Her neighbor is a friend of a friend, he went over to try and talk to them I guess but they wont answer the door and theres screaming and yelling. o_o

Im attempting to learn more about the situation right now.

[Romy]

I kind of feel sorry for her. ><"

[Omar]

Whoever left that note deserves social shunning. And you get some sort of award for bad breakup handling. :thumbdown:

 

@Adam: You can always say you're not quite sure why it's not working, but in some way or another, it's not.

[BlindBaker]

To add a teeny bit to my story, pretty much all of the two's friends have turned on them. And someone went down to her parents place of business and left a note detailing what happened between the two. Her parents are insane and won't even allow her to have a boyfriend. Her neighbor is a friend of a friend, he went over to try and talk to them I guess but they wont answer the door and theres screaming and yelling. o_o

Im attempting to learn more about the situation right now.

...maybe things are going a little too far now.

[Maleficus1055]

That's high school for you >.>

[Lenticular_J]

At my high school people just [bleep] and have babies or not. It's not very complicated at all.

[Lenin64]

Little status update of my own so the whole page isn't about maleficus: I decided "[bleep] it" and just went to her house. Nobody's home. Eh, all right, try again tomorrow. Now I think she's out of town. Ah well, her house is like 10 mintes away at the very most, so I can just daily practice what I should have done years ago. I mean, after all, I have proven that I can do it, and that's what important for now.

[RpgGamer]

Little status update of my own so the whole page isn't about maleficus: I decided "[bleep] it" and just went to her house. Nobody's home. Eh, all right, try again tomorrow. Now I think she's out of town. Ah well, her house is like 10 mintes away at the very most, so I can just daily practice what I should have done years ago. I mean, after all, I have proven that I can do it, and that's what important for now.

 

 

:thumbsup:

Good stuff

 

 

As for those commenting on Maleficus's situation, things seem very ugly, and I'm sure he doesn't appreciate your sarcastic criticisms. Dude's dealin' witha lot of crap. We got to be here for support. And give him advice. my advice to Maleficus at this point is find something more constructive to surround yourself with, and get the hell away from your ex and all of her arising problems. Back away from her. Back away from her life. Get the hell out. Find something better to do with yourself. Keep talkin' to the new chick, maybe even make a few new friends to make sure your time is properly occupied.

[Amaranth_GTO]

Eh, got stuff to get off my chest. It's been an eventful 2 weeks.

 

First, I was in Ocean City for a week, vacation with my friend + his family. Our first night there, I meet these two (drunk) college girls, who both said I was really cute, got their numbers. One was hot, other was fat. They invited me over the next day, and fat one wanted to hook up with me. Soo... I passed up on the opportunity to hook up with someone 5 years older than me. After that, I talked to a few girls, hung out with a couple, but never really did anything.

The next week, I was on this church retreat thing, along with a second church from a different state. To make a long story short, passed up on another hookup opportunity because the girl was 13. But there was another girl there who was really attractive, my age, we talked a lot, but I didn't make a move.

 

I've realized that I'm afraid of rejection. And afraid to try to escalate pretty much anything because of the possibility of getting rejected. I'm a pretty good looking guy (at least I like to think so, and plenty of girls seem to agree) I'm just scared. And then when I do get rejected, I'm able to say "hey that wasn't so bad. Try again." and then get a number or something, but I suck with physical escalation. I mean, I've read all the techniques and stuff, just... I don't know. Haven't tried it.

 

Anyway, on a happier note, I've been talking to this girl for a while and pretty much have a date set up for next week. Wish me luck :thumbup:

[RpgGamer]

Eh, got stuff to get off my chest. It's been an eventful 2 weeks.

 

First, I was in Ocean City for a week, vacation with my friend + his family. Our first night there, I meet these two (drunk) college girls, who both said I was really cute, got their numbers. One was hot, other was fat. They invited me over the next day, and fat one wanted to hook up with me. Soo... I passed up on the opportunity to hook up with someone 5 years older than me. After that, I talked to a few girls, hung out with a couple, but never really did anything.

The next week, I was on this church retreat thing, along with a second church from a different state. To make a long story short, passed up on another hookup opportunity because the girl was 13. But there was another girl there who was really attractive, my age, we talked a lot, but I didn't make a move.

 

I've realized that I'm afraid of rejection. And afraid to try to escalate pretty much anything because of the possibility of getting rejected. I'm a pretty good looking guy (at least I like to think so, and plenty of girls seem to agree) I'm just scared. And then when I do get rejected, I'm able to say "hey that wasn't so bad. Try again." and then get a number or something, but I suck with physical escalation. I mean, I've read all the techniques and stuff, just... I don't know. Haven't tried it.

 

Anyway, on a happier note, I've been talking to this girl for a while and pretty much have a date set up for next week. Wish me luck

 

 

Good luck! And there's no shame in dodging a bullet. That's not fear of rejection. It's called being sober. And the 13 year old? That's common sense. The physical escalation thing? Tell the girl your interested in hooking up with that you go crazy for girls that make the first move. It might not work every time but when it does...HELL YEAH.

[Amaranth_GTO]

Thanks for the help. And thats a really good idea :thumbsup: gonna have to remember that