"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Lenticular_J]

Very true. But a lot of people, when they think "frat boy", get an image something like this:

 

And these guys are actually my age. This is a picture from some thing for the yearbook. Not sure why it's online.

[muggiwhplar]

Very true. But a lot of people, when they think "frat boy", get an image something like this:

 

And these guys are actually my age. This is a picture from some thing for the yearbook. Not sure why it's online.

 

Those guys look a lot different from the stereotypical frat stars around here.

 

typical frat attire: north face jacket (in winter), polo shirt, plaid shorts which go above the knees or khaki shorts, crokies, boat shoes (sperry topsider-- get wet!)

typical sorority girl attire: same, except for athletic short shorts in warm weather, skin-tight leggings in cold weather along with ugg boots

[Omar]

typical frat attire: north face jacket (in winter), polo shirt, plaid shorts which go above the knees or khaki shorts, crokies, boat shoes (sperry topsider-- get wet!)

 

In short, prep?

[RpgGamer]

Hmm, i'm not sure how i'm feeling right now. My girlfriend broke up 2 days ago and i;m having like, massive mood swings. I'll be feeling okay even happy, then something really stupid will happen like yesterday, I just saw a status update on facebook and seeing her name brought it all back to me and I broke down crying.

The hardest part about this is that she is perfectly happy without me while i'm heartbroken.

 

Yet at this same time i've got an interesting feeling. I've been talking to 3 of my close friends to help me get over her. 2 of them its just like normal talking, but with the third, I feel an attraction to her. It's enough to safely say that I like her. I obviously won't try anything though, until I get over my ex and get a better grip on things.

 

 

I think you know whats what. You know you're not entirely over your ex. And you're smart enough not to start anything while you still feel that way. And of course stupid stuff is gonna hurt. You're in a [bleep]ile state. Do yourself a favor and avoid her. Ignore her. Don't look at her online profiles. Take down all your pictures of her around your house/wallet/phone. Make it like this girl never existed. And soon enough, the pain will disappear.

 

Then you'll be free to do whatever with whoever and not be worried about unresolved feelings :thumbup:

 

...also:

to that guy who doesn't speak english as his "mother" language. You're online grammar is just as good if not better than mine. You're all good :thumbup:

[Omar]

You're online grammar is just as good if not better than mine.

I bet you saw that mistake and left it there on purpose. :lol:

[Maleficus1055]

Hmm, i'm not sure how i'm feeling right now. My girlfriend broke up 2 days ago and i;m having like, massive mood swings. I'll be feeling okay even happy, then something really stupid will happen like yesterday, I just saw a status update on facebook and seeing her name brought it all back to me and I broke down crying.

The hardest part about this is that she is perfectly happy without me while i'm heartbroken.

 

Yet at this same time i've got an interesting feeling. I've been talking to 3 of my close friends to help me get over her. 2 of them its just like normal talking, but with the third, I feel an attraction to her. It's enough to safely say that I like her. I obviously won't try anything though, until I get over my ex and get a better grip on things.

 

 

I think you know whats what. You know you're not entirely over your ex. And you're smart enough not to start anything while you still feel that way. And of course stupid stuff is gonna hurt. You're in a [bleep]ile state. Do yourself a favor and avoid her. Ignore her. Don't look at her online profiles. Take down all your pictures of her around your house/wallet/phone. Make it like this girl never existed. And soon enough, the pain will disappear.

 

Then you'll be free to do whatever with whoever and not be worried about unresolved feelings :thumbup:

 

...also:

to that guy who doesn't speak english as his "mother" language. You're online grammar is just as good if not better than mine. You're all good :thumbup:

 

I sent her a text explaining I still want to be friends and that I was going to remove her from all social networking and avoid her until i get over her. (shouldnt be too bad, shes going off to college). I deleted every picture of us together (kept a few certain pictures, though those will be locked away until then). Im hoping all this plus spending summer with some friends will keep me going and get over her quickly.

[Lenticular_J]

I've been refining a lot of my life lately, and I've decided: I've never really dated a girl. I've hung out with them, yes, but never dated.

 

Make the distinction, gentlemen. All parties will appreciate it.

[Iamdan]

I'm friends with a couple who have been together a couple years but it looks like their relationship is on the rocks, but he doesn't seem to realize it. He plays cod all day and doesn't give her the affection she needs from him. She also hasn't ever had an orgasm from him, but he is under the impression he is a sex god. I tried offhandedly giving him tips at her request, to which he disregarded with a 'yeah I used to do that but we don't have time now."

 

I've tried talking her into saying something about the sex but she won't. I hate intervening with things like this but if it could save their relationship...

 

Would you say something to him?

 

I disagree with muggiwhplar's post, it doesn't sound like social anxiety at all. I have panic disorder and I get anxiety, and I used to be terrible in social situations never knowing what to say, and they are 2 different things. Tim sounds like he just has the later. Calling it social anxiety, using it as an excuse and giving it attention can easily lead to it though. All you have to do is practice holding a conversion, the tip I posted seems to work perfectly for that.

[Lenticular_J]

I'd sit him down and talk to him, man-to-man. How he sounds, it might be necessary to be an [wagon] about it. More often than not, it is.

[Iamdan]

The thing is he's not a [bleep], he's just a bit slow and doesn't pay attention some of the time. There's a good chance he will disregard what I say, but just see it as me insulting him. Then he goes about his business, his girlfriend moans during sex like a deaf girl, doesn't tell him the truth and he's on top of the world. While I'm the [bleep].

 

He's had sex a LOT, but only ever with the 1 girl. I've had lots of partners but much less of it overall. Me 2-3 times a week when he often does that in a day. We both think we have more experience than the other, he does the same thing over and over and won't take any advice from anyone.

[tripsis]

Imo, if she's not willing to talk to him about it herself, then it's her fault and her problem. You can't moderate/fix their relationship, that's up to them. The first step to a successful relationship is honest communication.. if they can't even do that, I don't know how much hope there is for them..

[Wavemasta]

That's why you should realize that there's a very tiny portion of the population that isn't afraid of approaching (or being approached by) strangers. So many people carry the fear of strangers ingrained in them as children into their adulthood that they can barely function. It's a shame.

 

You just have to start talking to people. Especially if they look interesting. Compliments are the easiest way to make quick friends - genuine, creative ones. Or complimentary questions. See a very well-dressed man? Ask him where he gets his clothes, about his tailor, barber, whatever. See a woman reading a book? Probably leave her alone unless she appears a bit restless or not that into her book. But if she seems open to conversation, start it up!

 

Pick up lines, no, don't use them. A simple hi and compliment is all you need. The routines and openers and all that [cabbage] that the pickup artist community clings to is falling apart to a degree in favor of being an adult and a man. Knowing the logic behind them is a sound experiment in psychology for you, which will help you with other people greatly. As will studying body language.

 

Pickup lines are better used with people you already know anyways. Most people who try to be funny upon first meeting someone crash and burn spectacularly.

 

Also, your english is fantastic.

Thankyou :)

I do try to think of compliments or something nice to say when I'd like to talk to someone, but usually not knowing how they will respond will hold me back. I guess it will be a slow process, gradually getting comfortable with talking to complete strangers. Even when they are cooler than I am, and when I look up to them.

[obfuscator]

Imo, if she's not willing to talk to him about it herself, then it's her fault and her problem. You can't moderate/fix their relationship, that's up to them. The first step to a successful relationship is honest communication.. if they can't even do that, I don't know how much hope there is for them..

:thumbup:

[RpgGamer]

Dan goes 2-3 times a week? Not bad :thumbup:

 

I agree with tripsis, but as his friend you should literally slap him in the face next time he's just chillin' on his Xbox and his girl is feelin' lonesome. He needs to get his ass in gear. And you have the knowledge to prevent his relationship from falling apart. What would I do? First, I'd hang out with him. When he leans over to turn the woman-shield [aka Xbox 360] on, slap him in the face. When he stares at me in confusion, I'd say "we need to talk". Followed immidiatly by everything his girlfriend has ever told me [you]. If he doesn't realize something is up after that...he doesn't deserve her.

 

...on the flip side of that...2-3 times a day without orgasm? How do you ladies do it? I'm not saying I have a perfect track record of causing such a miracle...but I always feel so bad when the girl can't finish, or is unsatisfied. And it's usually pretty clearly obvious.

 

 

Lent:

What happened to that chick you were diggin' on that you wanted to "actually" date?

[Lenticular_J]

Stopped caring about her. Happens a lot.

[Pirate_Felix]

That's why you should realize that there's a very tiny portion of the population that isn't afraid of approaching (or being approached by) strangers. So many people carry the fear of strangers ingrained in them as children into their adulthood that they can barely function. It's a shame.

 

You just have to start talking to people. Especially if they look interesting. Compliments are the easiest way to make quick friends - genuine, creative ones. Or complimentary questions. See a very well-dressed man? Ask him where he gets his clothes, about his tailor, barber, whatever. See a woman reading a book? Probably leave her alone unless she appears a bit restless or not that into her book. But if she seems open to conversation, start it up!

 

Pick up lines, no, don't use them. A simple hi and compliment is all you need. The routines and openers and all that [cabbage] that the pickup artist community clings to is falling apart to a degree in favor of being an adult and a man. Knowing the logic behind them is a sound experiment in psychology for you, which will help you with other people greatly. As will studying body language.

 

Pickup lines are better used with people you already know anyways. Most people who try to be funny upon first meeting someone crash and burn spectacularly.

 

Also, your english is fantastic.

Thankyou :)

I do try to think of compliments or something nice to say when I'd like to talk to someone, but usually not knowing how they will respond will hold me back. I guess it will be a slow process, gradually getting comfortable with talking to complete strangers. Even when they are cooler than I am, and when I look up to them.

I think you should use the general pick up lines wave. If you are really different that will show during the conversation and those pick up lines are general for a reason.

 

If I made any English mistakes; please excuse me, Dutch is my first language like wave.

[Wavemasta]

But I don't want to give them the wrong idea. I'm not always out for a nice girl to do whatever, a nice conversation can be good too. If I start with one of those standard pickup lineds, most girls immediately draw their conclusions, thinking I want to pick them up when a normal conversation is good enough for me.

[Romy]

...on the flip side of that...2-3 times a day without orgasm? How do you ladies do it?

 

Comes with the job. :rolleyes:

[helpmeownlife]

I know this is kinda borderline spam, forgive me. But it's relevant.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nDxyI6l8FU

[Iamdan]

Yeah I'd have to agree with tripsis. I know jumping into the middle of things is a bad idea, and I hate doing it. It's just frustrating to watch it happen. I'll tell her again to say something, and that it's just as much her fault as it is his until she tells him.

 

I do try to think of compliments or something nice to say when I'd like to talk to someone, but usually not knowing how they will respond will hold me back. I guess it will be a slow process, gradually getting comfortable with talking to complete strangers. Even when they are cooler than I am, and when I look up to them.

The alpha male doesn't go out of his way to complement people, if something stands out to you then that's fine.

...on the flip side of that...2-3 times a day without orgasm? How do you ladies do it? I'm not saying I have a perfect track record of causing such a miracle...but I always feel so bad when the girl can't finish, or is unsatisfied. And it's usually pretty clearly obvious

Without experience it's not so obvious, all this time it's felt really good but she hasn't gotten all the way with him. Only by herself. I've heard those 2 heaps of times, and you wouldn't think so.

 

I'm also proud to say I have a perfect track record ;-) Something you kinda need for [bleep] buddies because they wouldn't stick around otherwise. Ask for feedback.

But I don't want to give them the wrong idea. I'm not always out for a nice girl to do whatever, a nice conversation can be good too. If I start with one of those standard pickup lineds, most girls immediately draw their conclusions, thinking I want to pick them up when a normal conversation is good enough for me.

I don't think anybody here has recommended using a 'pick up line,' they're all just conversation starters. Also, most girls immediately draw their conclusions as soon as you open your mouth no matter what you say, which is where using a disqualifier comes in.

[aquariusman]

So I have a question, and it might end up requiring a fairly lengthy back story to answer.

 

But to quickly sum up that story, me and this girl (tried) to date about a year ago, and were on-and-off (Mostly off) for about 5-6 months. At one point we were very attached to each other, "love". It ended, both directly and indirectly, because she didn't have time due to her water polo. Now, after this, we stayed very good friends, I dated two other girls. To describe those two relationships, the first one was great, but for me, after a couple months, some how it just wasn't what I wanted. The second one should really have happened, I didn't have much interest in her (And for good reason). Now, after I ended the second one (About a month maybe month and a half ago), I began to consider the possibility that maybe I still have feelings for the girl I dated a year ago. I dismissed this as "remorse for the loss of a feeling" because it was the same time of the year that we had started dating, and quite a few of the events were the same. I'm still in this sort of limbo, where one week I'm sure it's nothing, the other I think there's that possibility. Hell, earlier this day I was thinking about how good it is to be single, being able to flirt with anyone without risk of annoying a girlfriend or being judged by others. Then about a half hour ago, the feelings came back after seeing one line of text.

 

So my question is who thinks that this is the feelings coming back, or the memories of the feelings coming back.

[Maleficus1055]

So I have a question, and it might end up requiring a fairly lengthy back story to answer.

 

But to quickly sum up that story, me and this girl (tried) to date about a year ago, and were on-and-off (Mostly off) for about 5-6 months. At one point we were very attached to each other, "love". It ended, both directly and indirectly, because she didn't have time due to her water polo. Now, after this, we stayed very good friends, I dated two other girls. To describe those two relationships, the first one was great, but for me, after a couple months, some how it just wasn't what I wanted. The second one should really have happened, I didn't have much interest in her (And for good reason). Now, after I ended the second one (About a month maybe month and a half ago), I began to consider the possibility that maybe I still have feelings for the girl I dated a year ago. I dismissed this as "remorse for the loss of a feeling" because it was the same time of the year that we had started dating, and quite a few of the events were the same. I'm still in this sort of limbo, where one week I'm sure it's nothing, the other I think there's that possibility. Hell, earlier this day I was thinking about how good it is to be single, being able to flirt with anyone without risk of annoying a girlfriend or being judged by others. Then about a half hour ago, the feelings came back after seeing one line of text.

 

So my question is who thinks that this is the feelings coming back, or the memories of the feelings coming back.

 

 

It's the memories. If it was feelings you wouldn't need to be reminded of her to feel them, you're just remembering how you used to feel.

 

 

[Romy]

So I have a question, and it might end up requiring a fairly lengthy back story to answer.

 

But to quickly sum up that story, me and this girl (tried) to date about a year ago, and were on-and-off (Mostly off) for about 5-6 months. At one point we were very attached to each other, "love". It ended, both directly and indirectly, because she didn't have time due to her water polo. Now, after this, we stayed very good friends, I dated two other girls. To describe those two relationships, the first one was great, but for me, after a couple months, some how it just wasn't what I wanted. The second one should really have happened, I didn't have much interest in her (And for good reason). Now, after I ended the second one (About a month maybe month and a half ago), I began to consider the possibility that maybe I still have feelings for the girl I dated a year ago. I dismissed this as "remorse for the loss of a feeling" because it was the same time of the year that we had started dating, and quite a few of the events were the same. I'm still in this sort of limbo, where one week I'm sure it's nothing, the other I think there's that possibility. Hell, earlier this day I was thinking about how good it is to be single, being able to flirt with anyone without risk of annoying a girlfriend or being judged by others. Then about a half hour ago, the feelings came back after seeing one line of text.

 

So my question is who thinks that this is the feelings coming back, or the memories of the feelings coming back.

 

If I were you, I'd sleep (atleast) a few nights over it, make sure it is what it is. Then meet her perhaps, in a very not commiting form, just chat, hang out, whatever. Then (since I get the feeling you're not too sure at all, and don't want to jump on it and regret it) sleep on it a few more nights. And conclude.

 

Repeat if needed.

 

 

 

Just the way I see it.

[RpgGamer]

So I have a question, and it might end up requiring a fairly lengthy back story to answer.

 

But to quickly sum up that story, me and this girl (tried) to date about a year ago, and were on-and-off (Mostly off) for about 5-6 months. At one point we were very attached to each other, "love". It ended, both directly and indirectly, because she didn't have time due to her water polo. Now, after this, we stayed very good friends, I dated two other girls. To describe those two relationships, the first one was great, but for me, after a couple months, some how it just wasn't what I wanted. The second one should really have happened, I didn't have much interest in her (And for good reason). Now, after I ended the second one (About a month maybe month and a half ago), I began to consider the possibility that maybe I still have feelings for the girl I dated a year ago. I dismissed this as "remorse for the loss of a feeling" because it was the same time of the year that we had started dating, and quite a few of the events were the same. I'm still in this sort of limbo, where one week I'm sure it's nothing, the other I think there's that possibility. Hell, earlier this day I was thinking about how good it is to be single, being able to flirt with anyone without risk of annoying a girlfriend or being judged by others. Then about a half hour ago, the feelings came back after seeing one line of text.

 

So my question is who thinks that this is the feelings coming back, or the memories of the feelings coming back.

 

 

It's the memories. If it was feelings you wouldn't need to be reminded of her to feel them, you're just remembering how you used to feel.

 

 

 

 

Agreed. I actually kind of remember this water polo girl from your earlier posts :lol:.

 

As for my self, I'm teetering on giving up dating virgins. It's not the lack of sex...it's the lack of sexual tension. it's like they're too innocent. Half the time I feel like I'm just hanging out with a friend. Unfortunatly the alternative 'round these parts is something of a [bleep]tier variety. And that definatly doesn't hold my interest very long. :/

[Wavemasta]

But I don't want to give them the wrong idea. I'm not always out for a nice girl to do whatever, a nice conversation can be good too. If I start with one of those standard pickup lineds, most girls immediately draw their conclusions, thinking I want to pick them up when a normal conversation is good enough for me.

I don't think anybody here has recommended using a 'pick up line,' they're all just conversation starters. Also, most girls immediately draw their conclusions as soon as you open your mouth no matter what you say, which is where using a disqualifier comes in.

Felix did suggest using them. You do make a point, using a working method to start the conversation then be yourself during the conversation to make her change her mind about you sounds good. Need more experience.