"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[revanlives]

Hey everyone,

 

I've lurked and read this topic since it began, although I've never really had a relationship issue that I wanted to talk about here. Anyway, earlier this week I broke up with my boyfriend of a little over a year, and it's been pretty tough. Our relationship started out great, then we started getting into fights, becoming more selfish, etc etc.

 

This past month became really really awful, and we nearly broke up several times before I finally called it off. We're both in college, but it seems like as time has progressed he became more immature-he began to play video games all the time, and even though we were busier and couldn't see each other as much, he would be on his computer or xbox at all hours. One time I came over on a Sunday, and he played some Xbox live game with his friends for over 5 hours while I just sat there trying to distract myself, as I didn't have my car with and I was too far away from my place to walk back.

 

He also became a really big slob, and while I know it was his place his rules, his uncleanliness was really disgusting and it started to affect me. For example, he liked to let the dishes pile up, but when I came over expecting to say have dinner there and whatnot, he would put off doing them so I'd have to wash his dishes for him if I was going to eat anything that night. It happened quite often where I'd have to be picking up after him because he couldn't take care of his place or himself. He also had more disgusting habits which I won't mention here.

 

So my question is, what should I do in the meantime? It's tough to lose someone who was like my best friend for so long. Have any of you had really tough breakups that you got over? What did you do?

 

Thanks for any advice. :)

[Duff]

If you asked him to change his ways and he didn't, the relationship wouldn't have worked. If he won't clean up after himself and take some responsibility (and if he places his video games above you), you had every right to call it off. I'm glad you had the courage to do that.

 

I'm a guy, so after a tough breakup, I usually distract myself by hanging out with my guy friends. Just try to keep yourself so busy that your mind doesn't wander back to him. And if it does, remind yourself of how stressful it was for you.

 

Oh, and TIF is an excellent distraction from the real world. :P

[Mirror]

Sorry to hear about the break up, but as said, it sounds like it was for the best.

 

I guess, in the mean time, it'd be best to find some of your girls to hang out with. Catch up again. Etc. I remember after one of my break ups, I just had to find my core group of friends I used to hang out with a lot to get my mind off things. I'll admit, it was really rough on me. But just believe in yourself and find things you enjoy, that'll help out. Just don't go and try and find a new guy friend right now. Seriously, I made a great decision after my rough time when someone tried to get me on the rebound. Don't let it happen to you. :)

 

I wish you the best of luck! I don't know how close you guys were, but just remember to move on, enjoy life, and believe in yourself. Eventually it'll get easier. :)

[Tim]

This past month became really really awful, and we nearly broke up several times before I finally called it off. We're both in college, but it seems like as time has progressed he became more immature-he began to play video games all the time, and even though we were busier and couldn't see each other as much, he would be on his computer or xbox at all hours. One time I came over on a Sunday, and he played some Xbox live game with his friends for over 5 hours while I just sat there trying to distract myself, as I didn't have my car with and I was too far away from my place to walk back.

 

He also became a really big slob, and while I know it was his place his rules, his uncleanliness was really disgusting and it started to affect me. For example, he liked to let the dishes pile up, but when I came over expecting to say have dinner there and whatnot, he would put off doing them so I'd have to wash his dishes for him if I was going to eat anything that night. It happened quite often where I'd have to be picking up after him because he couldn't take care of his place or himself. He also had more disgusting habits which I won't mention here.

 

 

 

This is something that actually irks me. How can guys who make NO EFFORT, just sit on their arse playing games and wont even talk or be with their partner have the ability to date someone compared to someone who does play games, but will actually drop what he's doing and spend time with said person? This is something I have never been able to grasp, one of my friends was exactly like this. dated a cute chick, he cockbocked her (or /we the female term is) to play World of Warcraft for 6 hours, leaving her to just sit on his bed then decided to go watch Scrubs out in the loungeroom for 2 hours after. What kind of person knocks back sex (more importantly bonding) for [bleep]ing WoW?

 

errrgh, humankind >.>

[Duff]

She broke up with him when he started doing that. So it's not like he really 'had' her after he started pulling that stuff.

 

You just have to meet a girl first. And guys who don't just sit on their butts playing video games have a better chance meeting one.

 

I've realized its a lot about just getting the girl's attention. Make her start noticing you. Once she knows you exist, she'll be more prone to see your attractive qualities.

[RpgGamer]

This past month became really really awful, and we nearly broke up several times before I finally called it off. We're both in college, but it seems like as time has progressed he became more immature-he began to play video games all the time, and even though we were busier and couldn't see each other as much, he would be on his computer or xbox at all hours. One time I came over on a Sunday, and he played some Xbox live game with his friends for over 5 hours while I just sat there trying to distract myself, as I didn't have my car with and I was too far away from my place to walk back.

 

He also became a really big slob, and while I know it was his place his rules, his uncleanliness was really disgusting and it started to affect me. For example, he liked to let the dishes pile up, but when I came over expecting to say have dinner there and whatnot, he would put off doing them so I'd have to wash his dishes for him if I was going to eat anything that night. It happened quite often where I'd have to be picking up after him because he couldn't take care of his place or himself. He also had more disgusting habits which I won't mention here.

 

 

 

This is something that actually irks me. How can guys who make NO EFFORT, just sit on their arse playing games and wont even talk or be with their partner have the ability to date someone compared to someone who does play games, but will actually drop what he's doing and spend time with said person? This is something I have never been able to grasp, one of my friends was exactly like this. dated a cute chick, he cockbocked her (or /we the female term is) to play World of Warcraft for 6 hours, leaving her to just sit on his bed then decided to go watch Scrubs out in the loungeroom for 2 hours after. What kind of person knocks back sex (more importantly bonding) for [bleep]ing WoW?

 

errrgh, humankind >.>

 

it's all too easy to become too comfortable in a long term relationship. Not to call you out, but when you're with someone for a REALLY long time, after a while it's all too easy to start to get a little too confident in the relationship and in a sense almost take advantage of the situation. And hey - if it didn't happen, the first long term relationship anyone had would likely be the last one they ever had, so if you want any hope in ever hooking up with a quality girl [the ones willing to stick around for the long run] you should be thankfully for such faults in human kind.

 

All part of the system buddy.

[JordGM]

A few months ago I started seeing an old friend. She's intelligent, open-minded, honest, down to earth, easy to get along with, easy to trust, etc. She has a great taste in music, she plays several instruments, her family is rich and her parents are out of town a lot (not very important, but it's a plus.) She's talented in basically everything she does and we share similar dreams: to travel the globe and experience as much as possible. We get along very well and have deep, meaningful conversations... but I'm not physically attracted to her at all, so friends is all we'll ever be. She isn't ugly, she's actually beautiful: perfect skin, hair, teeth, eyes, etc., but she's always been overweight. As shallow as it may seem, that's the reason we've never been more than friends. We are close, but I can't be in a sexless relationship.

[Surprises]

A few months ago I started seeing an old friend. She's intelligent, open-minded, honest, down to earth, easy to get along with, easy to trust, etc. She has a great taste in music, she plays several instruments, her family is rich and her parents are out of town a lot (not very important, but it's a plus.) She's talented in basically everything she does and we share similar dreams: to travel the globe and experience as much as possible. We get along very well and have deep, meaningful conversations... but I'm not physically attracted to her at all, so friends is all we'll ever be. She isn't ugly, she's actually beautiful: perfect skin, hair, teeth, eyes, etc., but she's always been overweight. As shallow as it may seem, that's the reason we've never been more than friends. We are close, but I can't be in a sexless relationship.

 

You think she's fat and therefore because of the negative reputation that fatness brings you don't want to be linked with her. However, you're low enough to still want sexual favours from her?

 

Pfft.

[Riku3220]

A few months ago I started seeing an old friend. She's intelligent, open-minded, honest, down to earth, easy to get along with, easy to trust, etc. She has a great taste in music, she plays several instruments, her family is rich and her parents are out of town a lot (not very important, but it's a plus.) She's talented in basically everything she does and we share similar dreams: to travel the globe and experience as much as possible. We get along very well and have deep, meaningful conversations... but I'm not physically attracted to her at all, so friends is all we'll ever be. She isn't ugly, she's actually beautiful: perfect skin, hair, teeth, eyes, etc., but she's always been overweight. As shallow as it may seem, that's the reason we've never been more than friends. We are close, but I can't be in a sexless relationship.

If you got into a relationship with her you could help push her into losing some weight by taking walks or running or something. Also sex helps you lose weight.

[JordGM]

The negative reputation fatness brings? Are you kidding me? I could care less what people think about girls I date, my opinion is what's important to me. I'm not attracted to overweight women, it's that simple. Also, she's told me that she's comfortable with her weight and that she will "never be skinny", which is good for her.

[Duff]

I don't see anything wrong with Realize's stance on this. I know plenty of girls who are beautiful people, but whose body type is just not what I want. There's nothing at all wrong with not being attracted to larger women. Looks play a huge part in a relationship. For me, a relationship with a girl who I wasn't physically attracted to, no matter how much I liked her personality, wouldn't work out.

[Giordano]

When did Jord say he wants sexual favors from her? Am I reading it wrong?

[Duff]

Perhaps Standard thought this hinted at sexual favors:

 

As shallow as it may seem, that's the reason we've never been more than friends. We are close, but I can't be in a sexless relationship.

 

But I read it as, "I can't be in a relationship without any physical activity." And I agree.

[Giordano]

Perhaps Standard thought this hinted at sexual favors:

 

As shallow as it may seem, that's the reason we've never been more than friends. We are close, but I can't be in a sexless relationship.

 

But I read it as, "I can't be in a relationship without any physical activity." And I agree.

As did I.

 

And I agree as well.

[RpgGamer]

He doesn't want to bang a girl he's not attracted to? I see no problem in this. Sounds like a real cool friendship though.

[homer205]

Sounds to me like the only real issue is if she has feelings for you in a more than friendship way, if she doesn't, then just enjoy your friendship.

[Duff]

Is it 'unprofessional' to hit on a girl who is in a class that I TA for?

 

I mean, I do grade their labs (90% of the labs, at least). But if I am not favoring them in any way, is there anything wrong with flirting with her?

[Vezon Dash]

Is it 'unprofessional' to hit on a girl who is in a class that I TA for?

 

I mean, I do grade their labs (90% of the labs, at least). But if I am not favoring them in any way, is there anything wrong with flirting with her?

 

I'm not going to lie, that would be really awkward for all of the other students in the class.

[RpgGamer]

Is it 'unprofessional' to hit on a girl who is in a class that I TA for?

 

I mean, I do grade their labs (90% of the labs, at least). But if I am not favoring them in any way, is there anything wrong with flirting with her?

 

Aren't you like 20? How did you land a TA position? Yes it's immoral to date her while you hold power over her, or her education. Flirt as you will though. Then make your move when the semesters over

[Vezon Dash]

Is it 'unprofessional' to hit on a girl who is in a class that I TA for?

 

I mean, I do grade their labs (90% of the labs, at least). But if I am not favoring them in any way, is there anything wrong with flirting with her?

 

Aren't you like 20? How did you land a TA position? Yes it's immoral to date her while you hold power over her, or her education. Flirt as you will though. Then make your move when the semesters over

 

Not all of my TA's are grad students. So being a 3rd year college student and being a TA isn't too far-fetched.

[Duff]

No, I'm not planning on dating her while I TA for her; that I felt was a definite no-no. And I don't flirt with her during the lab, so it wouldn't be awkward or weird for the rest of the students. Outside of lab though, I flirt a little bit, and I've visited her with a few other friends during the weekends while we all were tipsy.

 

I mean, I feel like I shouldn't at all. But it's kinda hard not to, especially when she's kinda flirting back.

[Vezon Dash]

No, I'm not planning on dating her while I TA for her; that I felt was a definite no-no. And I don't flirt with her during the lab, so it wouldn't be awkward or weird for the rest of the students. Outside of lab though, I flirt a little bit, and I've visited her with a few other friends during the weekends while we all were tipsy.

 

I mean, I feel like I shouldn't at all. But it's kinda hard not to, especially when she's kinda flirting back.

 

I'd say go for it then, if and only if it says outside of class.

[Jeffwilson99]

What's TA? A Tutorial Assistant or something?

[Giordano]

Teacher's assistant.

 

I don't see anything wrong with it though. You're both roughly the same age, correct? Go for it.

[Jeffwilson99]

Wait so what do they actually do?