That's all that counts. Your partner shouldn't make you feel like shit.

That's good Nox. Personally, I think that the ultimatum thing is completely fair.

It is, though I think once things get to the point where either party is laying down an ultimatum, the relationship boat has already sailed.

 

I feel like if the two of you got back together, Nox would't have complete trust that she is really committed to him this time (I don't know if that kind of trust can ever be rebuilt, or if it will always be there in the back of your mind). She is going to be afraid to take any time for herself for fear of signaling that she isn't entirely committed to this, and sooner or later that will kill the relationship as well.

 

A relationship can't work without trust on both sides, so I guess the question is, how much do you trust her? If you have doubts, then just move on. You don't want to be in a relationship with doubts.

That's good Nox. Personally, I think that the ultimatum thing is completely fair.

It is, though I think once things get to the point where either party is laying down an ultimatum, the relationship boat has already sailed.

 

I feel like if the two of you got back together, Nox would't have complete trust that she is really committed to him this time (I don't know if that kind of trust can ever be rebuilt, or if it will always be there in the back of your mind). She is going to be afraid to take any time for herself for fear of signaling that she isn't entirely committed to this, and sooner or later that will kill the relationship as well.

 

A relationship can't work without trust on both sides, so I guess the question is, how much do you trust her? If you have doubts, then just move on. You don't want to be in a relationship with doubts.

I'm going to be 100% honest with you, right now i have no trust for her at all. She changed a lot since she moved to the US, and had we still been in Qatar i can tell you without a doubt in my mind this would never have happened and we would still be together till this day. Why? Simply because Qatar does not offer a lot of things the US has to offer and like i have said before she never really got to live her teenage years because truth be told no one in Doha does.

If she's back in Qatar and i'm back in Qatar i might think about working on things again but right now, while we're in 2 different places, i need to be hard.

Randox hit it on the head with the trust thing.

So I've realized I've been lying to myself with all my self talk about how I'd get over my ex.

I seem to be one of those people who is absolutely horrible at letting go.

It doesn't help that I have 3 classes with her every day, and sit near her in all of them. And that her new love interest is in two of them and they flirt a lot during them.

 

I just can't wait until summer break when I won't be seeing her anymore. I'd like to try to maintain the friendship but it's just not happenning. Maybe one day later on we'll reconnect as friends, but....

 

...This post was less looking for advice and more me blowing off steam. That's fair game in the relationship thread, right?

I'd like to try to maintain the friendship

 

Don't even bother.

So I've realized I've been lying to myself with all my self talk about how I'd get over my ex.

I seem to be one of those people who is absolutely horrible at letting go.

It doesn't help that I have 3 classes with her every day, and sit near her in all of them. And that her new love interest is in two of them and they flirt a lot during them.

 

I just can't wait until summer break when I won't be seeing her anymore. I'd like to try to maintain the friendship but it's just not happenning. Maybe one day later on we'll reconnect as friends, but....

 

...This post was less looking for advice and more me blowing off steam. That's fair game in the relationship thread, right?

 

vent awat man. Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. I wrote an essay comparing it to quitting cigarettes. I actually ended up picking up smoking just to prove to myself that it's easier to quit smoking than it is to get over people. I turned into a 6 month chain smoker, going through like a pack a sitting, but 2 weeks ago I quit. Told myself I'd stop, and I did.

 

But my ex texted me today with a good ol; "I miss how close we used to be"

 

I waited about an hour and said "tough to be close when your thousands of miles away"

 

she said something back, but I didnt even look at it.

 

So I've realized I've been lying to myself with all my self talk about how I'd get over my ex.

I seem to be one of those people who is absolutely horrible at letting go.

It doesn't help that I have 3 classes with her every day, and sit near her in all of them. And that her new love interest is in two of them and they flirt a lot during them.

 

I just can't wait until summer break when I won't be seeing her anymore. I'd like to try to maintain the friendship but it's just not happenning. Maybe one day later on we'll reconnect as friends, but....

 

...This post was less looking for advice and more me blowing off steam. That's fair game in the relationship thread, right?

You need friends and you need some kind of direction/passion. Once you have that, no need for a woman. But she usually comes anyway.

Thing that really pisses me off about "letting go" is that now every song i listen to reminds me of her. Even though i'm so pissed off at her it still hurts. God damn music is what gets me through the day and now i don't even have that haha.

Well, I was hit with some unexpectedly good news today.

A girl I was thinking of asking out but gave up on because I thought she was dating someone isn't. She's going to prom with him, but for now they're just friends and though she is thinking of maybe dating him, the way my friend put it almost made it seem as if she didn't want to.

 

So, back to my old plan of get to know her better then ask her out. Hopefully her friend is a chicken and doesn't beat me to the punch (or does and is shot down).

 

 

As for my ex, I'm just figuring that the pangs of jealousy and such will fade over time. Until then I'll cope. What RPG said about it being like quitting an addiction feels very true, though.

Well, I was hit with some unexpectedly good news today.

A girl I was thinking of asking out but gave up on because I thought she was dating someone isn't. She's going to prom with him, but for now they're just friends and though she is thinking of maybe dating him, the way my friend put it almost made it seem as if she didn't want to.

 

Ehhhhhh. That seems like it will end up just getting you involved in a crapton of drama. If she's already thinking of dating him I highly doubt she's exactly looking for another relationship outside of him right now, not to mention putting her in the situation of either having to break off with him right before prom and potentially wrecking that friendship or having to hide any sort of relationship that does start to form until prom is over, which puts another great deal off stress on her with a guy who clearly is interested in her. I'd take that as a "she's still taken" and move on.

 

But what do I know.

Okay, what's up with everyone believing this "wanting a relationship" thing? It's an excuse for the most part. People don't decide to fall in love.

Okay, what's up with everyone believing this "wanting a relationship" thing? It's an excuse for the most part. People don't decide to fall in love.

Actually falling inlove is a decision.

I decide to give you a chance to talk to me instead of blowing you off. Thats the first one. Then i decide to let you take me out on a date because i think you might be interesting. Thats the second one. Then i decide to keep on seeing you because i might be starting to like you. Thats the third one.

I'm sure by now you see where im going with this. Everything you do in life is a decision (even the lack of making a decision is a decision).

 

EDIT: People might not directly decide to fall inlove, but they do fall inlove as a result of other decisions which makes falling in love a decision.

Okay, what's up with everyone believing this "wanting a relationship" thing? It's an excuse for the most part. People don't decide to fall in love.

Actually falling inlove is a decision.

I decide to give you a chance to talk to me instead of blowing you off. Thats the first one. Then i decide to let you take me out on a date because i think you might be interesting. Thats the second one. Then i decide to keep on seeing you because i might be starting to like you. Thats the third one.

I'm sure by now you see where im going with this. Everything you do in life is a decision (even the lack of making a decision is a decision).

 

EDIT: People might not directly decide to fall inlove, but they do fall inlove as a result of other decisions which makes falling in love a decision.

Thinking someone's interesting and starting to like someone isn't your decision, and if it's anyone's, it's theirs; you have your preferences and it's up to them to fit into them or not. And it's going to be really hard to oppose that.

Okay, what's up with everyone believing this "wanting a relationship" thing? It's an excuse for the most part. People don't decide to fall in love.

Actually falling inlove is a decision.

I decide to give you a chance to talk to me instead of blowing you off. Thats the first one. Then i decide to let you take me out on a date because i think you might be interesting. Thats the second one. Then i decide to keep on seeing you because i might be starting to like you. Thats the third one.

I'm sure by now you see where im going with this. Everything you do in life is a decision (even the lack of making a decision is a decision).

 

EDIT: People might not directly decide to fall inlove, but they do fall inlove as a result of other decisions which makes falling in love a decision.

Thinking someone's interesting and starting to like someone isn't your decision, and if it's anyone's, it's theirs. And it's going to be really hard to oppose that.

You still make the decision to allow the possibility, or rather to explore the possibility.

Sure you can't decide whether or not the other person is interested, but you sure as hell can decide whether or not you're going to give it a chance for something to grow from it.

Well, I was hit with some unexpectedly good news today.

A girl I was thinking of asking out but gave up on because I thought she was dating someone isn't. She's going to prom with him, but for now they're just friends and though she is thinking of maybe dating him, the way my friend put it almost made it seem as if she didn't want to.

 

Ehhhhhh. That seems like it will end up just getting you involved in a crapton of drama. If she's already thinking of dating him I highly doubt she's exactly looking for another relationship outside of him right now, not to mention putting her in the situation of either having to break off with him right before prom and potentially wrecking that friendship or having to hide any sort of relationship that does start to form until prom is over, which puts another great deal off stress on her with a guy who clearly is interested in her. I'd take that as a "she's still taken" and move on.

 

But what do I know.

 

I don't like that attitude.

 

TTanT, just to inflate your ego a bit:

Shes going to prom with some guy that's probably the type to get friendzoned because he has no idea what he's doing. She'll take him to prom sure, but truly she wants nothing to do with him romantically/sexually. That's where you come in. Let him have his dance, whatever. Start talking to her now, and cut any chance he might have had to 0. Prove yourself the alpha male. Talk to her, flirt with her, make sure she'll stay FAR away from his pants, because she'll be too busy thinking about yours.

 

 

And in regards to the "decision" to fall in love, you have to be mentally prepared to accept being in love, but getting there is not a choice on anyone's part. i can tell if I like a girl the second I see her, but if I don't get an immediate flag from my emotions saying that I like her, I am very likely to blow her off and remain my single self. There was a theory about knowing you're in love within the first 48 hours of meeting someone. In the hopes of a serious relationship, I believe this to be true. But just to see if I enjoy the girl can take less time. I don't beleive that emotions really "grow over time" it's either there or it isn't. But that's only in the case of new people, if the person's been in your life before, I suppose there are certain circumstances in which you could "obtain" emotional attachment. Like having met someone in a relationship while in a relationship, then you both become single down the line, that may make feelings spark. But then I personally theorize that people do not have singular personality traits, but rather innate characteristics that interpret situations and project different behaviors when "appropriate". This would explain why some peopel act so different when they are single verse in a relationship, or haven't gotten laid in a while.

There was a theory about knowing you're in love within the first 48 hours of meeting someone. In the hopes of a serious relationship, I believe this to be true.

This is ridiculous.

At some past posts that I failed to respond to:

@Omar

My passion would definitely be the martial arts, and when I'm in the studio teaching or practicing I completely forget any issues I have outside of there. It's times when I'm alone and have nothing to do, like when I made that post at midnight that all the doubts and negative emotions start jabbing at me.

 

And from what I've heard from you guys and some thinking of done on my own I've come to a decision:

I'm going to continue pursuing her, but am not going to make any open moves beyond flirting and such until her issue with the guy she's going to prom with is resolved. If she really does want to date him I'd have no chance, and if me flirting works or she just doesn't like him then he'll fall flat on his face without me asking.

This also gives me time to really get her comfortable with hanging out with me and being around me, and for me to set up group hangouts that she'll happen to be invited to. (The one I've invited to her so far is a May the Fourth (be with you) Lightsaber battle. She's not terribly nerdy or into Star Wars, and yet is trying to go even though her parents said she couldn't which is a really good sign in my opinion.) After that I'll get a mutual friend who is my cohort invite us both to something and continue from there.

One thing I think I did wrong a while ago when I asked that other girl out was that I moved WAY too fast (we'd never even hung out outside school), and probably freaked her out. Avoiding acting too slow and being friend zoned is a good idea, but you don't want to jump the gun either. Especially in high school.

 

 

On the note of prom however, I have a feeling I'll be quite the presence there. It's a masquerade themed prom, and I'm making a mask which is half steampunk with cogged edges, cogs and chunks of jagged metal, and half very plant-like with spiked edges and large chunks of artificial leaf and flower cut into fantastic shapes. I mention it here because I've proud as hell of it and have been waiting for an excuse to bring it up.

I'm with Kalphite on this. If she is going to the prom with someone else, it doesn't matter what she wants with him, you can't make a move on her without backing her into a corner. I guess for me, if I had committed to go to the prom with someone, even just as a friend, and then someone starts flirting with me a couple months before hand, I'd write him off as an inconsiderate douche in about 10 seconds for trying to put me in a situation where I'm now either doing the friend I am going to prom with a favor at the cost of what I wan't, or I get to be that person who blows my friend off at the last minute and screws over his prom. Keep it to yourself until after prom.

I'm with Kalphite on this. If she is going to the prom with someone else, it doesn't matter what she wants with him, you can't make a move on her without backing her into a corner. I guess for me, if I had committed to go to the prom with someone, even just as a friend, and then someone starts flirting with me a couple months before hand, I'd write him off as an inconsiderate douche in about 10 seconds for trying to put me in a situation where I'm now either doing the friend I am going to prom with a favor at the cost of what I wan't, or I get to be that person who blows my friend off at the last minute and screws over his prom. Keep it to yourself until after prom.

However taking steps to get her more interested in me (inviting her to group events I'll be at, etc) and doing a flirting of a nature that isn't blatant (I can't really describe what I mean by that, but I definitely act two different ways when I'm flirting blatantly and flirting subversively) would be alright, right?

Since I'm definitely not asking her out until her current issue is resolved, but the more I hang out with her (assuming she ends up liking me*), the more likely she'll end up dropping the other guy.

 

*I assume that because if I'm just not her type or something there's absolutely nothing I can really do. So I won't even consider it as a course of action so much as a result.

At some past posts that I failed to respond to:

@Omar

My passion would definitely be the martial arts, and when I'm in the studio teaching or practicing I completely forget any issues I have outside of there. It's times when I'm alone and have nothing to do, like when I made that post at midnight that all the doubts and negative emotions start jabbing at me.

There's a sensible solution to that problem, and we always forget it. Go to bed.

 

On the note of prom however, I have a feeling I'll be quite the presence there. It's a masquerade themed prom, and I'm making a mask which is half steampunk with cogged edges, cogs and chunks of jagged metal, and half very plant-like with spiked edges and large chunks of artificial leaf and flower cut into fantastic shapes. I mention it here because I've proud as hell of it and have been waiting for an excuse to bring it up.

Or work on your prom mask.

 

As for the rest of your post, :thumbup:.

I'm with Kalphite on this. If she is going to the prom with someone else, it doesn't matter what she wants with him, you can't make a move on her without backing her into a corner. I guess for me, if I had committed to go to the prom with someone, even just as a friend, and then someone starts flirting with me a couple months before hand, I'd write him off as an inconsiderate douche in about 10 seconds for trying to put me in a situation where I'm now either doing the friend I am going to prom with a favor at the cost of what I wan't, or I get to be that person who blows my friend off at the last minute and screws over his prom. Keep it to yourself until after prom.

However taking steps to get her more interested in me (inviting her to group events I'll be at, etc) and doing a flirting of a nature that isn't blatant (I can't really describe what I mean by that, but I definitely act two different ways when I'm flirting blatantly and flirting subversively) would be alright, right?

Since I'm definitely not asking her out until her current issue is resolved, but the more I hang out with her (assuming she ends up liking me*), the more likely she'll end up dropping the other guy.

 

*I assume that because if I'm just not her type or something there's absolutely nothing I can really do. So I won't even consider it as a course of action so much as a result.

The way I would put it is make yourself available, which I suppose does include a bit of flirting of a sort. You want to be sending the message that your available, without sending the message that you actually want something if that makes any sense. Let her come to you if she wants. Then, after prom, you can go all out (or sooner depending on what happens, but don't get your hopes up).

My friends insisted that I send this to a girl I like who I wanted to come hang out with us, because I gotta "stop being scared of girls":

 

 

This isn't going to hurt me, is it?

What exactly is in the black part, and what are you replying to?

I don't even know who was who in that conversation, but:

Assuming what you mean is that your friends talked you into asking a girl you like to the movies and she said yes, you have good friends.

Sittimg on your hands and ignoring your feelings is a horrible way to live life. Don't do it.

 

Like a girl? Ask her out. Worst case scenario is you'll be shot down. Afraid of ruining the friendship? I hate to break it to you, but a friendship is basically ruined the moment one person starts to have unrequitted feelings for the other. You can pretend it still works, but it won't. Better to clear the air for minimum damage. (And she might even say yes!)