"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[MuffinMaddy]

I don't even know who was who in that conversation, but:

Assuming what you mean is that your friends talked you into asking a girl you like to the movies and she said yes, you have good friends.

Sittimg on your hands and ignoring your feelings is a horrible way to live life. Don't do it.

 

Like a girl? Ask her out. Worst case scenario is you'll be shot down. Afraid of ruining the friendship? I hate to break it to you, but a friendship is basically ruined the moment one person starts to have unrequitted feelings for the other. You can pretend it still works, but it won't. Better to clear the air for minimum damage. (And she might even say yes!)

 

Really? Because I told the guy I like how I felt and he doesn't feel the same way about me, but we hang out more than we ever did now, and we're still as close friends as we were before that. If anything, we're closer as friends. I wouldn't trust him in a relationship deeper than friendship anyway, so it's worked out for the better. I'm not going to lie and say I don't find him attractive anymore, but I'm really happy the air's clear. I've had unrequited feelings for him for a long time, partly because he didn't know who I was, and partly just because he doesn't feel that way about me, and I'm completely okay with that. So I just have to say I disagree with the bold bit, unless it's different from guys to girls, I wouldn't know.

 

 

 

 

 

[TTanT]

I don't even know who was who in that conversation, but:

Assuming what you mean is that your friends talked you into asking a girl you like to the movies and she said yes, you have good friends.

Sittimg on your hands and ignoring your feelings is a horrible way to live life. Don't do it.

 

Like a girl? Ask her out. Worst case scenario is you'll be shot down. Afraid of ruining the friendship? I hate to break it to you, but a friendship is basically ruined the moment one person starts to have unrequitted feelings for the other. You can pretend it still works, but it won't. Better to clear the air for minimum damage. (And she might even say yes!)

 

Really? Because I told the guy I like how I felt and he doesn't feel the same way about me, but we hang out more than we ever did now, and we're still as close friends as we were before that. If anything, we're closer as friends. I wouldn't trust him in a relationship deeper than friendship anyway, so it's worked out for the better. I'm not going to lie and say I don't find him attractive anymore, but I'm really happy the air's clear. I've had unrequited feelings for him for a long time, partly because he didn't know who I was, and partly just because he doesn't feel that way about me, and I'm completely okay with that. So I just have to say I disagree with the bold bit, unless it's different from guys to girls, I wouldn't know.

 

Well, there're always exceptions but I still feel that one person pining for the other damages a friendship. However, having it out in the open IS a lot better in my opinion as at least then you know and can try to get over them.

But I think I was a bit too broad in my previous post though, you're right.

 

Regardless, keeping your feelings bottled up and not telling anyone will at the very least cause you a lot of stress and unhappiness. If you hadn't confessed to him, you would have spent a lot more time agonizing over it, right?

[MuffinMaddy]

It can damage a friendship, yes, but only if you let it (that's if you're the person pining for the other). I'm not experienced with these kind of things, but me not being able to openly flirt with people probably helped me hide it for a while. You're right though, having it out in the open feels a lot better, but yeah it really depends on the person. Luckily, the guy I'm talking about is pretty cool with it, he's probably used to it too >.<

 

 

"keeping your feelings bottled up and not telling anyone will at the very least cause you a lot of stress and unhappiness. " I agree 100% with that, it did cause quite a bit for me, I used to overthink about everything, every text I'd send, I'd be worried I'm getting annoying, it wasn't great. I used to wonder whether I was being obvious or not, whether I changed how I acted or not. The only difference is probably that I'm a bit more open with him than I would be with anyone else that I'd only met a few months before. In short, you're right.

[Estonian dude]

Yeah, having it out in the open works great. Awesomely. I have that one girl blocked everywhere for like 5 months now. In 4 months, haven't said a single word to her, even though we are schoolmates and have a common class.

Still the only one girl who I've said it out in the open, and I think it is going to stay like that for a while, cause right now I have nobody on my radar.

[Bows]

My 57 minute podcast with my friend Frank (u4ixxx) about relationships, social life/dynamics, etc. We'll be doing this at least once a week. Feel free to give it a listen and any drop some tips! :) Much love!

 

Clicky!

[RpgGamer]

so I get a call at 2am from that aspiring model I went on one date with like a year ago. I've talked to her maybe once since then. And by talked I mean like IMed back and forth awkwardly for a few minutes. But she calls me, and tells me about how her boyfriend is in jail, and how she's scared they're not gonna be together, and how much she really loves him. For almost 90 minutes.

 

I think I unlocked a new level of friend zone .

[homer205]

I think you should've just pretended to be someone else.

[muggiwhplar]

Why did you stay on the phone for 90 minutes >_>

[Aeon_]

Why did you stay on the phone for 90 minutes >_>

Because if someone is distressed and is talking to you directly, you'd seem like a bit of a [richard] if you told them you didn't want to talk to them.

[muggiwhplar]

There's ways to excuse yourself from such circumstances without coming off as a jerk

[Randox]

so I get a call at 2am from that aspiring model I went on one date with like a year ago. I've talked to her maybe once since then. And by talked I mean like IMed back and forth awkwardly for a few minutes. But she calls me, and tells me about how her boyfriend is in jail, and how she's scared they're not gonna be together, and how much she really loves him. For almost 90 minutes.

 

I think I unlocked a new level of friend zone .

Kudos for putting up with that. And yeah, that's like the gay friend level. Grats :thumbsup:

[RpgGamer]

Yeah, it's not really in my nature to hang up on a girl that's bawling her eyes out, when she has a history of self mutilation.

[Furah]

Yeah, it's not really in my nature to hang up on a girl that's bawling her eyes out, when she has a history of self mutilation.

 

Yeah, good thing you didn't hang up. Why is the boyfriend in gaol anyway?

[RpgGamer]

Yeah, it's not really in my nature to hang up on a girl that's bawling her eyes out, when she has a history of self mutilation.

 

Yeah, good thing you didn't hang up. Why is the boyfriend in gaol anyway?

 

drug charges, possession of heroin

[Estonian dude]

Ouch... Heroin is the worst drug in means of addiction-making (I think I invented some word here). Why the heck would that girl ever deal with some guy dealing with heroin?

Unless she already was a junkie aswell.

I don't really get it how intoxicated guys manage to get the girls. They act awfully, and look awful.

[Aeon_]

Ouch... Heroin is the worst drug in means of addiction-making (I think I invented some word here). Why the heck would that girl ever deal with some guy dealing with heroin?

Unless she already was a junkie aswell.

I don't really get it how intoxicated guys manage to get the girls. They act awfully, and look awful.

I think Cracked has multiple articles on this subject. Something to do with risk taking I believe? But I can't remember exactly. :P

[Dragoon5464]

More on the my-weird-relationship-with-my-ex front. Flip back to 587 if you're interested, I cba to find myself to quote it.

 

So a week or so ago I woke up screaming next to my ex one night after having a nightmare (wherein I believe I beat the living tar out of her new boyfriend). I didn't tell her the details of it, but we agreed that I wouldn't sleep in the same bed as her when she stayed over anymore. We're trying to get out of the whole me-still-being-dependent on her bit. I'm planning to get myself a bike soon so I don't have to worry about either her driving me to work or me getting a car, which of course would be way more expensive. We're still good friends, and I think she's willing to help me out with rides enough for times like doctor's appointments and such. On a good note, I won't be having another one of those for three months. :D Really, though, I'm starting to think I don't want her back.

 

Frankly, if she's willing to leave me, a not-unattractive man her own age, not to mention her devoted boyfriend of seven years, for some bastard who's old enough to be her father (yes, I'm calling a 14-year difference old enough to be her father, it's not that much of a stretch) then I'm just plain uninterested from now on. I know damn well that I'm good for her, but if she can't see that then too damn bad.

 

So on to the fact that I'm not particularly in the mood to be alone for years to come. There's a girl at work who I'd really like to go out with sometime--maybe not for a long-term thing, but more casual. She gave me a ride home earlier this week, and again tonight. Tonight, though, some guy (who's certainly better-looking than I am) drove her car. I had no idea from context clues whether this guy was a boyfriend, just a good friend, or even a brother. Is there any way I could approach the subject with her without things ending up too awkward between us? I really don't wanna jeopardize my friendships with workmates, but on the other hand, I've got no other place to go to meet people. Any suggestions?

[Noxx]

Two part converging story:

 

Part one:

 

Earlier last week we got a few new students at school, of which 3 were girls. One of them is actually pretty cute. We ran into each other a few times while doing flight plans, etc. We talked a few times, but really just the basic "Hi, how are you" because i really had no interest and i didn't think she had any either.

On Monday, i think, she asked me if i would mind showing her around the area a bit. Being the nice person i am, i told her that i would not mind at all. I showed her where some of the places are, like Walmart, Publix, etc. She then asked me if i would mind taking her along on a flight now and then, so she could get used what Florida looks like from above. This would help her, and give her a headstart, on navigating. Again i told her that it would be perfectly fine.

I still didn't really think much of this. To be honest i had so much on my mind, about my ex, that thinking about any other girl or the possibility of it, didn't even cross my mind at all.

So last night, we went on a flight (yeah, now i started getting a bit curious because why would she ask to go on a flight with me at night to improve her navigation when you can't see ANYTHING).

 

So anyway, after we finished the flight (at 01:13) she asked me if it would be okay if she slept at my house for the night, because she did not want me to drive all the way to her house (her house is about 10 miles further from where i live). I was happy with the suggestion as i was pretty tired. I thought it was pretty thoughtful of her.

Okay so we got home, we spent a few minutes talking and then i told her that she could get the bed, and i'll take the sofa in the living room. She told me that she did not want to cause any inconvenience, so she would take the sofa. I replied telling her that i was raised as a gentleman and i insist she takes the bed. "We could always share the bed hahaha", was her reply. I smiled, said goodnight, closed the door and went to bed (on the sofa).

I didn't realise it, but i forgot my phone in my flight bag, which was now in my room.

 

Story two:

 

A few days ago i was talking to my dad and he mentioned that he had such a crazy day because there are a few positions that opened up at his work. I remembered my ex telling me her dad had a lot of trouble finding a job, and my dad had a lot of connections, so i called her, told her to send me her dad's CV and i'll see what i can do. While on the phone with her, after asking her for the CV, she asked me was there anything else? I said no. She asked me, are you sure? I said yes. She told me i sounded very unsure, to which i replied telling her that there was a lot more i wanted to say, but i feel no need to waste my time. I asked her if there's anything else she wanted, because i would really like to get this phone off my ear if it's not anything important. She said no, and i hung up.

 

After receiving her dad's resume she stated texting me 3 times a day asking me if i have heard anything yet. I would not reply unless i had news from my dad. I told her to stop pestering me because i would tell her when i got any news. She got pissed off.

Then she started texting me asking me how my day was, and how school was, etc. I told her it was fine, etc. Trying to keep it short and to the point.

 

Last night she sent me another text message, asking me what i was up to, i've been quiet the past few days. I told her i was getting ready to go on a flight. I did not tell her who with, because i don't believe i should explain myself to her.

Anyway, she told me to have a safe flight, etc. She would talk to me when i got back. She wanted to call me.

 

After the flight, i sent her a text saying i'd be home in 30 minutes, she can call me then.

By now i'm sure you guys can see where this is going.

New girl answered the phone.

New Girl: "Hellooo?"

Ex "Hello, who is this?"

New Girl: "I'm a friend of Adrian's"

 

Okay, so i'm not going to re-enact the whole conversation, but basically what i was told is that my Ex now thinks that i've already slept with someone else.

She phoned me like 9 times today, sent me like 15 text messages, some of them angry, some of them not. I haven't really been bothered to reply yet.

 

I'm not sure what to do about the new girl, nor my ex.

My ex and i have actually started talking a bit more often over the past week or something. she was telling me she missed it, etc. felt like she was starting to open up to me again ans stuff...

[Randox]

Re-Write: Unless the reason you and your ex broke up was because one of you got all withdrawn and needed a break, then I wouldn't get back with your ex, especially when you have a new opportunity (assuming you like her) knocking at your door.

[RpgGamer]

Two part converging story:

 

Part one:

 

Earlier last week we got a few new students at school, of which 3 were girls. One of them is actually pretty cute. We ran into each other a few times while doing flight plans, etc. We talked a few times, but really just the basic "Hi, how are you" because i really had no interest and i didn't think she had any either.

On Monday, i think, she asked me if i would mind showing her around the area a bit. Being the nice person i am, i told her that i would not mind at all. I showed her where some of the places are, like Walmart, Publix, etc. She then asked me if i would mind taking her along on a flight now and then, so she could get used what Florida looks like from above. This would help her, and give her a headstart, on navigating. Again i told her that it would be perfectly fine.

I still didn't really think much of this. To be honest i had so much on my mind, about my ex, that thinking about any other girl or the possibility of it, didn't even cross my mind at all.

So last night, we went on a flight (yeah, now i started getting a bit curious because why would she ask to go on a flight with me at night to improve her navigation when you can't see ANYTHING).

 

So anyway, after we finished the flight (at 01:13) she asked me if it would be okay if she slept at my house for the night, because she did not want me to drive all the way to her house (her house is about 10 miles further from where i live). I was happy with the suggestion as i was pretty tired. I thought it was pretty thoughtful of her.

Okay so we got home, we spent a few minutes talking and then i told her that she could get the bed, and i'll take the sofa in the living room. She told me that she did not want to cause any inconvenience, so she would take the sofa. I replied telling her that i was raised as a gentleman and i insist she takes the bed. "We could always share the bed hahaha", was her reply. I smiled, said goodnight, closed the door and went to bed (on the sofa).

I didn't realise it, but i forgot my phone in my flight bag, which was now in my room.

 

Story two:

 

A few days ago i was talking to my dad and he mentioned that he had such a crazy day because there are a few positions that opened up at his work. I remembered my ex telling me her dad had a lot of trouble finding a job, and my dad had a lot of connections, so i called her, told her to send me her dad's CV and i'll see what i can do. While on the phone with her, after asking her for the CV, she asked me was there anything else? I said no. She asked me, are you sure? I said yes. She told me i sounded very unsure, to which i replied telling her that there was a lot more i wanted to say, but i feel no need to waste my time. I asked her if there's anything else she wanted, because i would really like to get this phone off my ear if it's not anything important. She said no, and i hung up.

 

After receiving her dad's resume she stated texting me 3 times a day asking me if i have heard anything yet. I would not reply unless i had news from my dad. I told her to stop pestering me because i would tell her when i got any news. She got pissed off.

Then she started texting me asking me how my day was, and how school was, etc. I told her it was fine, etc. Trying to keep it short and to the point.

 

Last night she sent me another text message, asking me what i was up to, i've been quiet the past few days. I told her i was getting ready to go on a flight. I did not tell her who with, because i don't believe i should explain myself to her.

Anyway, she told me to have a safe flight, etc. She would talk to me when i got back. She wanted to call me.

 

After the flight, i sent her a text saying i'd be home in 30 minutes, she can call me then.

By now i'm sure you guys can see where this is going.

New girl answered the phone.

New Girl: "Hellooo?"

Ex "Hello, who is this?"

New Girl: "I'm a friend of Adrian's"

 

Okay, so i'm not going to re-enact the whole conversation, but basically what i was told is that my Ex now thinks that i've already slept with someone else.

She phoned me like 9 times today, sent me like 15 text messages, some of them angry, some of them not. I haven't really been bothered to reply yet.

 

I'm not sure what to do about the new girl, nor my ex.

My ex and i have actually started talking a bit more often over the past week or something. she was telling me she missed it, etc. felt like she was starting to open up to me again ans stuff...

 

You can't make this shit up. I feel like this scene came straight out of a sitcom. If you're trying to get with the new girl, then your ex is going to have to deal with that [mentally she's already started to whether you kike it or not]. I can't really give advice not knowing exactly where you want to take any of this, but I can tell you your ex's mind is now racing with ideas of you and new girl. I'm highly curious why new girl thought it was okay to answer YOUR phone. That's not okay in my book. Of course, now you look a little shady to new girl, having your ex constantly talking to you in her eyes [late calls, lots of texts, etc]. Not that you can't convince her there's nothing wrong with it, whether there is or not.

[Noxx]

Two part converging story:

 

Part one:

 

Earlier last week we got a few new students at school, of which 3 were girls. One of them is actually pretty cute. We ran into each other a few times while doing flight plans, etc. We talked a few times, but really just the basic "Hi, how are you" because i really had no interest and i didn't think she had any either.

On Monday, i think, she asked me if i would mind showing her around the area a bit. Being the nice person i am, i told her that i would not mind at all. I showed her where some of the places are, like Walmart, Publix, etc. She then asked me if i would mind taking her along on a flight now and then, so she could get used what Florida looks like from above. This would help her, and give her a headstart, on navigating. Again i told her that it would be perfectly fine.

I still didn't really think much of this. To be honest i had so much on my mind, about my ex, that thinking about any other girl or the possibility of it, didn't even cross my mind at all.

So last night, we went on a flight (yeah, now i started getting a bit curious because why would she ask to go on a flight with me at night to improve her navigation when you can't see ANYTHING).

 

So anyway, after we finished the flight (at 01:13) she asked me if it would be okay if she slept at my house for the night, because she did not want me to drive all the way to her house (her house is about 10 miles further from where i live). I was happy with the suggestion as i was pretty tired. I thought it was pretty thoughtful of her.

Okay so we got home, we spent a few minutes talking and then i told her that she could get the bed, and i'll take the sofa in the living room. She told me that she did not want to cause any inconvenience, so she would take the sofa. I replied telling her that i was raised as a gentleman and i insist she takes the bed. "We could always share the bed hahaha", was her reply. I smiled, said goodnight, closed the door and went to bed (on the sofa).

I didn't realise it, but i forgot my phone in my flight bag, which was now in my room.

 

Story two:

 

A few days ago i was talking to my dad and he mentioned that he had such a crazy day because there are a few positions that opened up at his work. I remembered my ex telling me her dad had a lot of trouble finding a job, and my dad had a lot of connections, so i called her, told her to send me her dad's CV and i'll see what i can do. While on the phone with her, after asking her for the CV, she asked me was there anything else? I said no. She asked me, are you sure? I said yes. She told me i sounded very unsure, to which i replied telling her that there was a lot more i wanted to say, but i feel no need to waste my time. I asked her if there's anything else she wanted, because i would really like to get this phone off my ear if it's not anything important. She said no, and i hung up.

 

After receiving her dad's resume she stated texting me 3 times a day asking me if i have heard anything yet. I would not reply unless i had news from my dad. I told her to stop pestering me because i would tell her when i got any news. She got pissed off.

Then she started texting me asking me how my day was, and how school was, etc. I told her it was fine, etc. Trying to keep it short and to the point.

 

Last night she sent me another text message, asking me what i was up to, i've been quiet the past few days. I told her i was getting ready to go on a flight. I did not tell her who with, because i don't believe i should explain myself to her.

Anyway, she told me to have a safe flight, etc. She would talk to me when i got back. She wanted to call me.

 

After the flight, i sent her a text saying i'd be home in 30 minutes, she can call me then.

By now i'm sure you guys can see where this is going.

New girl answered the phone.

New Girl: "Hellooo?"

Ex "Hello, who is this?"

New Girl: "I'm a friend of Adrian's"

 

Okay, so i'm not going to re-enact the whole conversation, but basically what i was told is that my Ex now thinks that i've already slept with someone else.

She phoned me like 9 times today, sent me like 15 text messages, some of them angry, some of them not. I haven't really been bothered to reply yet.

 

I'm not sure what to do about the new girl, nor my ex.

My ex and i have actually started talking a bit more often over the past week or something. she was telling me she missed it, etc. felt like she was starting to open up to me again ans stuff...

 

You can't make this shit up. I feel like this scene came straight out of a sitcom. If you're trying to get with the new girl, then your ex is going to have to deal with that [mentally she's already started to whether you kike it or not]. I can't really give advice not knowing exactly where you want to take any of this, but I can tell you your ex's mind is now racing with ideas of you and new girl. I'm highly curious why new girl thought it was okay to answer YOUR phone. That's not okay in my book. Of course, now you look a little shady to new girl, having your ex constantly talking to you in her eyes [late calls, lots of texts, etc]. Not that you can't convince her there's nothing wrong with it, whether there is or not.

I can't give you an answer as to why she picked up. My only guess is that the ringtone pissed her off, and it's really loud. Whether it was in my bag or not, it's still going to make one hell of a noise which would wake just about anyone up (or keep them awake). I can't say i'm happy she answered it, but it's been done and i can do nothing about that now.

I can't say that i want to get with the new girls, but i can't say that i don't either. I've only know her a few days now, but it seems we have a lot in common though. She has a lot of the qualities i've always looked for in a girl, whether its the way she carries herself, the way she dresses, or whatever. My only problem is that i have a problem with staying emotionally un-involved in a girl. I am not the one night stand kind of guy. I have about 3 or 4 months left in the US before i go home. I plan on never coming back to the States unless i come here for work. She has at least 11 more months left here (having just started the course i am currently on) before she goes back to France or wherever she chooses to go after this. I don't think it's a good idea to get too involved with her on a physical level, because i know it would make me want to get involved on a mental level which only means that 3-4 months from now i'm going to be faced with a situation i would not want to deal with. I feel like this new girl is the perfect chance for me t get over my ex, but i don't want to use her and, well i explained the as well a few sentences back.

Also, i'm going to see her just about ever day, so it's going to make it really hard for me not to get emotional with her. She told me earlier that she would really like it if she can go along with me whenever i feel like flying. I didn't yet reply to her, i have not really thought about what i want to say. She hasn't said anything about my ex calling me last night either. I didn't exactly tell her it was my ex though, i told her that it was just a friend (bad, bad Adrian).

 

So to make things clear, i'm not exactly sure what my intentions are either :\

[Assume Nothing]

It feels as though you're just getting into relationships just to fill in some sort of psychological void. It'll be doomed to fail until you fully get in touch with yourself - don't learn the hard way.

[Noxx]

It feels as though you're just getting into relationships just to fill in some sort of psychological void. It'll be doomed to fail until you fully get in touch with yourself - don't learn the hard way.

Don't see how you could gather that from what i said, to be honest.

i'm not the kind of person that goes out looking for relationships everywhere i go. I'm the kind of person that functions better when i'm alone, but having a girl there, along side me, isn't something i'm going to say no to if the opportunity presents itself (assuming under the right conditions, which in both aforementioned cases it really isn't).

[Assume Nothing]

Fine. I'll illustrate it another way - answer me this: What do you think you're getting into a relationship for?

[Noxx]

Fine. I'll illustrate it another way - answer me this: What do you think you're getting into a relationship for?

I don't know. I enjoy spending time with a person (girl), i feel a "connection" to her, different from what i feel to my friends. I want to spend more time with her. This would probably lead into what people might call a relationship.

 

Not because i'm lonely an/or want to fill a void.

 

Edit: ive been thinking about this question since i posted my reply and it became clear to me just how hard it really is to give a good answer to this. I'm really not sure why i get into relationships. I can tell you why i started dating my ex, and thats because i felt like i was inlove. I wanted to spend every second of the day with her. When i wasnt with her i would think about her, etc.

 

 

In other news, i ran into new girl today. We talked for a few minutes. I dont know why but it felt a bit awkward. She asked me what i was doing this weekend and i told her that ill probably just be sleeping. She asked if i would mind taking her to the mall ( she has a school car...). Feels like shes coming on a bit strong and im not really used to this so imnot exactly sure what to do....