"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Ouchy]

If you fear failure all your life then you will never do anything. It's better to try and fail then to not try at all.

 

Honestly Bonez, who knows, just ask her.

[Noxx]

Me and the girl went to West Palm last night. Things went well. It's 6:30 am and i am yet to sleep (which i'm going to do now).

I'll give more details when (if) i wake up.

[RpgGamer]

I once thought to myself I could never date anyone from my town because I'd met them all, and they're all up in each other's lives. I didn't like that. I didn't want to become part of it. My first and longest/best/worst relationship was with a girl that lived in my town, but she wasn't from around here. Bent the rules a bit, but it worked out.

 

I promised myself I'd never date a co-worker.

 

But now I find myself kind of falling for one. But the problem resides in I also promised myself I wouldn't play around in the drug world, which she is an unfortunate participant in. Not that she's real bad with it, but it's like when she's sober she's just the best person ever and I really like her, she's just amazing....and when she drinks [and when I drink I suppose, I hold no stigma to drinking anymore] she's still really cool. But once she starts popping/snorting etc she gets real wild and I still like her, like she's fun and crazy and stuff, but it just sucks to watch her do it. And I've only known her for like 6 months, so who am I to tell her to redefine her life? And now that I've met her ex boyrfriend and some of her normal crew, I don't see her really getting away from it completely, at least not any time soon. And that sucks. The worst part is, is her ex is like a drug lord, and they still talk. When she gets high, usually he's around, and they kind of like re-couple with each other. But when she's sober she hates him. So there's that, too. I dunno what I'm asking really, I just find it a peculiar and aggravating situation. I think the fact that her ex acts like they're still together bothers me more than the minor drug issues. She's just so...great otherwise. I hate to turn my back at such an opportunity.

[sarg1010]

But now I find myself kind of falling for one. But the problem resides in I also promised myself I wouldn't play around in the drug world, which she is an unfortunate participant in. Not that she's real bad with it, but it's like when she's sober she's just the best person ever and I really like her, she's just amazing....and when she drinks [and when I drink I suppose, I hold no stigma to drinking anymore] she's still really cool. But once she starts popping/snorting etc she gets real wild and I still like her, like she's fun and crazy and stuff, but it just sucks to watch her do it. And I've only known her for like 6 months, so who am I to tell her to redefine her life? And now that I've met her ex boyrfriend and some of her normal crew, I don't see her really getting away from it completely, at least not any time soon. And that sucks. The worst part is, is her ex is like a drug lord, and they still talk. When she gets high, usually he's around, and they kind of like re-couple with each other. But when she's sober she hates him. So there's that, too. I dunno what I'm asking really, I just find it a peculiar and aggravating situation. I think the fact that her ex acts like they're still together bothers me more than the minor drug issues. She's just so...great otherwise. I hate to turn my back at such an opportunity.

The bolded parts, plus the fact that she is hardcore into (what I assume is) illegal activities, leads me to suggest that you run for it. I don't condone drugs in any way (my opinion, do what you want I guess), so I'd say stick with your original values.

[Assume Nothing]

If you disagree with her life choices, and by being with her you'll be impeding her freedom to make these choices, it's very unlikely that your relationship would work out as intended. It'll take some time, but it's an eventuality that someone/something would bring up that discussion and tensions would be created.

 

In any relationship, you need to respect eachother's boundaries and obligations. It doesn't sound like a great idea that you're bringing yourself down into a chaotic world of drug-abuse either. tl;dr - stay right away.

[RpgGamer]

If you disagree with her life choices, and by being with her you'll be impeding her freedom to make these choices, it's very unlikely that your relationship would work out as intended. It'll take some time, but it's an eventuality that someone/something would bring up that discussion and tensions would be created.

 

In any relationship, you need to respect eachother's boundaries and obligations. It doesn't sound like a great idea that you're bringing yourself down into a chaotic world of drug-abuse either. tl;dr - stay right away.

 

Well that's the thing, I used to be hardcore against drugs, but the past year or so I've simply cared less. I'm not a fan of it really, but I'm not gonna tell her to stop. She's wild sure, but in a way where if she were to go to a party without me and get ripped, I'd still completely trust her. She's genuinely a good person, her ex's presence in her life is doing no one any good, but I don't really see him going away. :/

[Assume Nothing]

I know I'm just speculating, but it's not difficult to imagine that you'd want her to stop hurting - and as we both know, the drugs are hurting her - maybe not physically, but even on a psychological level. Depending on the drug, it alters judgement.

 

It does sound like you're trying to help her get out of these things - perhaps you're better off being a friend than a boyfriend. If you really want to date her, then fine - we're of no authority to tell you otherwise, but don't say we haven't warned you.

[RpgGamer]

I guess I'm cool with being her friend, it just sucks cause when I think about her, I can only smile. And it's been so long since any girl has had that capacity.

[Range_This11]

If you two are dating and she's out partying with her ex, you're going to care. You just don't care now because you have no relationship.

[Noxx]

Okay so what happened on Friday night.

Me and a friend flew to West Plan, with the girl backseating us.

We got there and he went his separate way.

We went for dinner, and we talked (a lot).

I told her about everything. I told her about my friend back home, how a lot of them were girls and that we were like a big family. We would be flirty with each other, but that was basically it. It has never, and will never, go beyond that. I know that and they know that. A lot of them have boyfriends as well. She seemed to understand that. Of course she's always going to be a bit suspicious, but that's human nature and i understand that.

I told her about my ex, and how we basically "finalized" our break up. I told her that i really have no intentions of getting back with my ex. She has put me through enough emotional stress and that's the last thing i need right now. Being in a similar position as i am (career wise), she understood. I went on to explain that we have been talking over the past few weeks, but i have not had contact with her for a while now and i plan on keeping it that way. Whether or not she contacts me, i am feeling strong about not talking to her. I want to take a break from her in every way possible. She once again showed that she understood. This she took a bit more lightly because she knows that my ex is far, far away from me and offers no threat at all. This i found a delight, to be honest.

 

I continued to tell her about my hoped for my future and that i plan on going back home to work and live there, and that i am not willing to reconsider that. I told her that for once i am putting myself first.

This is where things got a bit weird. I could see that it was something she did not give any thought at all before my mention of it, and she clearly did not realize what this could mean for the two of us now, and later on. I told her what could possibly happen between us and gave her a few scenarios. One of which was the two of us staying friends, which would mean no more getting physical because i know neither of us can be physical without getting emotionally involved.

The other being that we continue as we are now, see how it goes and then once the time is right, start talking about other possibilities. I told her that if it ever did come to that, Doha has a top rated Flying School, my dad has more contacts than one man needs, and Qatar us a gold mine. I did tell her though that mentioning this is very risky because it could put false ideals in both of our heads, but i wanted everything out on the table before another step is taken.

 

We ended up having a really great night. It was really amazing. Something i have never done before, something i have always wanted to do. Something i can get used to.

She came back to our house. We talked for a long time. Lying on my bed, listening to some back ground music, just talking.

I took her home around 02:30.

I'll be seeing her again tomorrow at school. I told her on Friday night to take time to think about what she wants to do and where she wants to go with this. I am not going to ask her for an answer but i do expect she gives me one (whenever she is ready). I told her that we should take things a bit easy while she thinks about what she wants to do and while i figure some things out myself.

I'm pretty sure i know where i want things to go, now all i need is some time to think things over.

[TTanT]

Welp, I threw "enjoying the single life" out of the window once again by developing attractions to two new girls.

 

However, in these cases I may just let them slip by, for the following reasons:

 

Girl A: An old friend, she has never shown any hints towards feelings beyond friendship for me. Last time I asked if she wanted to hang out (there weren't any ulterior motives at that point), sheshot me down flat out saying she was looking for someone who'd be able to let loose a bit more. (She drinks and smokes weed occasionally, something which I never do, although I have no issue with others doing it.)

 

Girl B: Met her this year, she's in my AP English class (that class is filled with cute and smart girls), and she's basically from an entirely different life than me. I know abrely anything about her, and her opinion of me seems to be tolerant and nothing more or less in most cases.

 

In short, I don't think I have a chance whatsoever with either of them. (If I think there's even a one in a million shot I generally go for it.) So, I think I'll justignore these new attractions for now unless something new pops up that makes me think I do have a shot (which will likely happen as I read extra deeply into every little movement and find excuses to boost my confidence whenever I'm crushing on someone). Also, prom could end up being a fun night, what with at least two girls having all but promised to dance with me and the fact that formal clothes suit me very well.

 

...I've noticed I tend to answer my own questions here a lot. I think typing them out helps my mind organize everything and lets me come to decisions faster.

Me, spam all of you so as to find my way through my own chaotic mind? Never.

[Assume Nothing]

... until we establish what you're looking for in a relationship, there is very little to suggest. It applies for both Nox and TTanT, actually.

[Noxx]

Not sure what want...sadly.

I'm not the type of person that goes into a store knowing exactly what i want to buy. I kind of go in, browse and if i see something i like i'll buy it. Whether i need it or not.

[Vezon Dash]

Not sure what want...sadly.

 

 

This seems to be the predominant case here, as I, too, fall into this category.

[Bonez899]

Not sure what want...sadly.

 

 

This seems to be the predominant case here, as I, too, fall into this category.

I know what I want, just not sure what I want in the relationship...

[Vezon Dash]

Not sure what want...sadly.

 

 

This seems to be the predominant case here, as I, too, fall into this category.

I know what I want, just not sure what I want in the relationship...

 

That's what we mean. (Or at least what I mean)

 

 

 

 

Once upon a time, I had a girlfriend. She was exactly what I wanted. She had right physical attributes, same religious background, a lot of the same interests, and other things I liked. I loved her, but something happened.... I don't really know. It has made me bitter, and it was scarring. I don't know if I'll ever be able to date another girl again..... /rant

[RpgGamer]

If you two are dating and she's out partying with her ex, you're going to care. You just don't care now because you have no relationship.

 

I thought about this, you're probably right. Right now I feel like I don't care, but if things were to get remotely serious I'd care a lot.

 

Not sure what want...sadly.

 

 

This seems to be the predominant case here, as I, too, fall into this category.

I know what I want, just not sure what I want in the relationship...

 

That's what we mean. (Or at least what I mean)

 

 

 

 

Once upon a time, I had a girlfriend. She was exactly what I wanted. She had right physical attributes, same religious background, a lot of the same interests, and other things I liked. I loved her, but something happened.... I don't really know. It has made me bitter, and it was scarring. I don't know if I'll ever be able to date another girl again..... /rant

 

I remember that. I thought I had my dream girl, too but as I looked closer, and explained my situation in more and more details to more and more people I realized she was amazing, certainly a grade A girl...but there was better out there for me somewhere. There were characteristics she lacked that I wanted, and ones she had that I wanted nothing to do with. It's not easy to reach this conclusion, but it really helped me overcome the bitterness.

[Vezon Dash]

The worst part is that I really miss being in a relationship, but at the same time, I don't want to be in one. Not only that, but I can't say that I'm at the top of the list as good boyfriend material either. So even if I wanted one, a significant other would be hard to obtain.

 

Damn you women and your evil sorcery.

[RpgGamer]

The worst part is that I really miss being in a relationship, but at the same time, I don't want to be in one. Not only that, but I can't say that I'm at the top of the list as good boyfriend material either. So even if I wanted one, a significant other would be hard to obtain.

 

Damn you women and your evil sorcery.

 

i took a pretty big break from women after my first major break up. I feel it helped in some ways, and didn't in others. Hooking up with whoever was fun for a while too. I suggest you cleanse your brain of negativity before doing anything. Get a sense of closure from your minx, make her undesirable in your mind. Then use the freedom of thought thereafter to decide your next move.

[Vezon Dash]

The worst part is that I really miss being in a relationship, but at the same time, I don't want to be in one. Not only that, but I can't say that I'm at the top of the list as good boyfriend material either. So even if I wanted one, a significant other would be hard to obtain.

 

Damn you women and your evil sorcery.

 

Get a sense of closure from your minx, make her undesirable in your mind.

 

I have already done this. I just can't do the whole hookup thing either.

[RpgGamer]

The worst part is that I really miss being in a relationship, but at the same time, I don't want to be in one. Not only that, but I can't say that I'm at the top of the list as good boyfriend material either. So even if I wanted one, a significant other would be hard to obtain.

 

Damn you women and your evil sorcery.

 

Get a sense of closure from your minx, make her undesirable in your mind.

 

I have already done this. I just can't do the whole hookup thing either.

 

Do you find yourself comparing girls to your previous experiences?

[Vezon Dash]

No. I just don't believe in flings and hookups. Rather immoral as it were. :???:

[RpgGamer]

No. I just don't believe in flings and hookups. Rather immoral as it were. :???:

 

To each their own, people do as they please and wish. Why don't you feel you'll ever date another girl?

[Vezon Dash]

No. I just don't believe in flings and hookups. Rather immoral as it were. :???:

 

To each their own, people do as they please and wish. Why don't you feel you'll ever date another girl?

 

Yeah I'm on of 'those goodie goodie people' I guess.

 

 

It is a number of reason I guess...

 

I just feel that a lot of the things that went wrong in the last relationship on my side of things. I guess I feel failure, and I don't want to go through that whole process again.

Another thing is self-worth issues that I won't go into.

And I'm just really damn picky.

[RpgGamer]

No. I just don't believe in flings and hookups. Rather immoral as it were. :???:

 

To each their own, people do as they please and wish. Why don't you feel you'll ever date another girl?

 

Yeah I'm on of 'those goodie goodie people' I guess.

 

 

It is a number of reason I guess...

 

I just feel that a lot of the things that went wrong in the last relationship on my side of things. I guess I feel failure, and I don't want to go through that whole process again.

Another thing is self-worth issues that I won't go into.

And I'm just really damn picky.

 

So you're not confident in your own ability to maintain a stable relationship, that's fair. Being picky is a whole separate "issue" that so many people have I wouldn't even really call it a problem unless you were looking for something so stupid specific you'll literally never find it. I won't press you to go into your self worth issues, but we're all here for you if you ever want to tackle them some day.