"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Duff]

I've got a lot to say, but it's late at night. I'm bound to write it all down here. But just a quick question for now: do girls that are 'just friends' usually call you when they're kinda freaked out after watching a scary movie over at a friends' house (and they are currently in a relationship with someone else)?

[Bonez899]

I've got a lot to say, but it's late at night. I'm bound to write it all down here. But just a quick question for now: do girls that are 'just friends' usually call you when they're kinda freaked out after watching a scary movie over at a friends' house (and they are currently in a relationship with someone else)?

How long have you been friends? Besides that I can't think of anything else that may help as of now, except to say that it isn't unreasonable for them to want to if you've been friends for awhile and are definitly not in the relationship zone.

[Noxx]

I've got a lot to say, but it's late at night. I'm bound to write it all down here. But just a quick question for now: do girls that are 'just friends' usually call you when they're kinda freaked out after watching a scary movie over at a friends' house (and they are currently in a relationship with someone else)?

Completely. It happens to me all the time.

Sometimes a friend is more understanding that a boyfriend, so they'd rather call you than him.

IMO that's the ultimate friend zone. Get used to it, it's not changing any time soon :\

[Assume Nothing]

I'm tired of the so-called friendzone. Why can't we just value friendships over relationships - there's far more to be gained from a friendship anyway, just less sex.

[Neko Boi]

I'm tired of the so-called friendzone. Why can't we just value friendships over relationships - there's far more to be gained from a friendship anyway, just less sex.

lack-of you mean.

[Assume Nothing]

It depends - benefriends get the best of both.

[Noxx]

It depends - benefriends get the best of both.

This is something i'm tired of to be honest. Makes me feel like i'm good enough for a quick [bleep], but not good enough to be loved. Pardon he French.

[Assume Nothing]

It's a commitment thing - if you have difficulty committing to a relationship, maybe a 'quick bleep' is good enough. If you have what it takes to truly commit to a relationship - including the pains and sorrows along the way, then do that.

 

... or take the third option: polyamory.

[muggiwhplar]

This thread probably wouldn't need to exist if people attempted polyamory. Though I still feel like most people misunderstand the concept for the most part, considering there's no logical reason to choose monogamy over it.

[Assume Nothing]

It's also why I propose the question, 'what do you look for in a relationship, and why are you wanting to be in one?' - because feelings of fondness/closeness can be better achieved with monogamy because of a stronger commitment. Polyamory is probably more fun, but for someone who wants to settle down - maybe it wouldn't be optimal.

[RpgGamer]

if humans felt no jealousy, polyamory would work just fine.

[Assume Nothing]

Curious - what happens in a polyamorous relationship if any parties fall in love?

[RpgGamer]

Curious - what happens in a polyamorous relationship if any parties fall in love?

 

Literally anything. Completely depends on who the people are that are involved.

[muggiwhplar]

Thanks for proving my point about misunderstandings :P

 

It's also why I propose the question, 'what do you look for in a relationship, and why are you wanting to be in one?' - because feelings of fondness/closeness can be better achieved with monogamy because of a stronger commitment. Polyamory is probably more fun, but for someone who wants to settle down - maybe it wouldn't be optimal.

 

That's not true. You can be in love with one person, and still have sex with others. Again-- love and sex are two separate things. So are love and trust. If your significant other cheats on you, you're not going to stop loving them; you're just going to trust them less.

 

if humans felt no jealousy, polyamory would work just fine.

 

There's no such thing as the "perfect" relationship model (at least not in this day and age). However, polyamory is vastly superior to monogamy across the board. As I've said in the past, polyamory has one problem, which is jealousy. And that can be handled pretty easily as long as you've got your shit together (it's difficult to be jealous when you're confident, carefree, and happy). On the other hand, monogamy has at least a dozen problems which vastly outweigh the benefits. Similar to jealousy, monogamy requires trusting your partner to follow their morality over their biology, which can often lead to jealousy/cheating. Polyamory just requires that you trust your partner to behave as humans do.

 

Curious - what happens in a polyamorous relationship if any parties fall in love?

 

Both parties mutually benefit :D Again-- falling in love with one person and depending on that person is like investing all of your money into just one stock. Never put all of your eggs in one basket! If [when] things go south, you're screwed

 

Anyways, I've already had this discussion with you guys a few months ago. Refer to that week-long debate if you want to see my points again. I just don't have any sympathy for the guys on here who:

1) Experience unhappiness because of their Disney-fantasy expectations about relationships

2) Get frustrated when their ideals never come to fruition

3) Reject the logical alternatives [polyamory] and don't understand why monogamy isn't making them happy

 

Also keep in mind that it is difficult to take your arguments seriously when you've never attempted polyamory before, for whatever reasons. I've lived in your world before, you've never lived in mine.

 

With that said, I'm done discussing the subject for now. I'll pop back in later in another month or two with some condescending comments later maybe :P haha

[Randox]

I think the earth touched on it before, but I think we are naturally inclined towards serial monotony. One person at a time, but without the indefinite commitment.

 

As for dating a girl who is into the drug scene (or guy), my stance would be just don't. I guess part of it comes from your background, but for me, it just brings so much baggage that you probably don't want to deal with. I guess it's probably different if you're used to dealing with drug users/dealers, but for me, I already have enough problems in my life without inviting more in with open arms. Also, if she is still hanging out with her ex like that,there is no possible way that is going to end well.

 

That's that crazy you shouldn't be sticking your dick in.

[TTanT]

I'm pretty sure I know what I'm looking for with relationships.

 

Partially, it's the physical intimacy (not just sex, which is admittedly great, but especially miss kisses, etc).

Another big bit is that they're fun as hell. I wouldn't date someone if I couldn't have fun when around them.

And finally it has to be someone I feel like I can trust with all of the thoughts I have that are sometimes blatantly bad and other times just stupid. It's nice to have someone filter those for you. (In other words, a person I can trust and who won't be a yes-man.*)

Mind, you can never know if a person will really fit with you in these ways until you try.

 

*woman

 

As far as polyamory goes, I'm just really set into the monogomous model. Probably because my first girlfriend (I don't count the girl I dated for a month and barely hugged, or the girl I dated for a day only) and I dated for over two years and were both excedingly clingy.

Old habits die hard for me. I mean, I'm a vegetarian simply because I was a vegetarian growing up and now just don't want to bother altering my diet/ don't want to deal with the change. I have nothing against meat, but I'll never end up eating it.

But then, I'm still in highschool as of now, and my views may change when I'm in college next year.

 

 

 

**This post is kinda disorganized and I never got to my point, so I'll edit it later.**

[obfuscator]

This thread probably wouldn't need to exist if people attempted polyamory. Though I still feel like most people misunderstand the concept for the most part, considering there's no logical reason to choose monogamy over it.

How many times have the many logical reasons people choose monogamy over polyamory need to be explained to you lol?

 

I also find it funny that you think people's feelings and emotions would just disappear if they decided to be polyamorous..

 

Has it also occurred to you that just because the angsty teenagers on this thread have unrealistic expectations of a monogamous relationship that not all people do?

[muggiwhplar]

Has it also occurred to you that just because the angsty teenagers on this thread have unrealistic expectations of a monogamous relationship that not all people do?

 

Y_guy, we meet again! :P Anywho...

 

These days, it's more like-- I'll see friends of mine who, after several years, are "happily" together in a "successful" relationship. I'm sure most people (including you and Tripsis probably) would envy what they have. I don't. I believe they'd be happier with a polyamorous lifestyle. If I had what they have, I would be less happy. I could be content possibly, but not as happy as I am with my current lifestyle. And I believe most people would feel the same way if they could stand in my shoes.

 

But hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it :P

[RpgGamer]

I actually had the pleasure of meeting one of those perfect couples last weekend. Both very attractive young adults, nerdy as hell while still being aprty animals, and you could tell just by the way they interacted they were perfect for each other. It was beautiful to witness.

[muggiwhplar]

dat reticular activating system

[Assume Nothing]

Question - is sex with someone you don't actually love considered 'good sex' at all?

[muggiwhplar]

Sex is always good as long as you're attracted to your partner. Sex is better if you love your partner. But sex should precede love when it comes to relationships; not the other way around.

[RpgGamer]

Question - is sex with someone you don't actually love considered 'good sex' at all?

 

You might be asking the right crowd of the wrong group of people. I can't say I can honestly answer this question for instance. I can only presume being in love makes it better because it's what I've always wanted, and achieving what you want feels well...good.

[Assume Nothing]

Sex is better if you love your partner. But sex should precede love when it comes to relationships; not the other way around.

How so? Sex is only a desire of the primitive man - love is more complex, and often more rewarding.

[muggiwhplar]

Just try it for yourself.sometime.