"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[TTanT]

I figure many relationships don't last, so I don't even bother.

A video game gets boring after a while, so why bother buying it?

Books and movies end, so why bother reading/watching them?

Friends will die or become distant eventually, so why bother having them?

This forum will become inactive or close down eventually, so why bother posting?

 

Something doesn't have to last forever to be enjoyable and have a meaningful effect on your life. If you're waiting for eternity you might as well be waiting for Godot.

[Omar]

I figure many relationships don't last, so I don't even bother.

Might as well kill yourself right now then.

[Thus]

I figure many relationships don't last, so I don't even bother.

Might as well kill yourself right now then.

Good idea, bye everyone

[Omar]

Good luck; hope your belt doesn't break.

[Noxx]

Date is tonight. I'm pretty nervous. I'll have the house to myself cause both my room mates are flying till the early mornings.

No idea what type of movie to get, nor what to cook. Been almost 2 years since ive been on a first date i think :/

[muggiwhplar]

If she's just expecting to hook up, isn't the meal and movie a bit unnecessary?

[Thus]

If she's just expecting to hook up, isn't the meal and movie a bit unnecessary?

But he has to at least pretend he isn't some horny bastard who has that end goal.

 

Also the belt broke.

[Estonian dude]

Get something easy to make, yet delicious, like buy frozen dough and wieners and make wiener-pies(?) out of them. Like small hot-dogs, but a lot better. And nice snacks for a movie.

[Noxx]

See....that's where im not sure. I'm not sure what she is expecting. I'm not sure how to tell. Ive always been blind to these things.

[Askthedude]

Take away, pizza, stir fry... Something simple.

And i'd go for a comedy or something similar, enjoyable for the both of you. Takes the edge off slightly.

[TTanT]

Welp, shot down once again. However as with last time I'm finding myself more relieved to not have to worry about it anymore than upset about having been rejected.

 

And there's good news, too:

Her response to me asking her out was: "Sorry hun but I'm just not looking for a relationship right now." And she explained that she may be interested in a while but still isn't over her ex as of now. She also asked me if I was going to prom (every girl that rejects me asks me this, and I really don't know why), and we ended up talking for a while so there'll be no real awkwardness between us after this. She knows I didn't take it very hard, and that I'm glad just to have gotten it off my chest and not have someone else rat me out.

 

Mind, I seriously doubt I'll ever end up dating her ("maybe later" tends to mean "never"), but we'll see. For now I've got 4 AP exams a sparring tournament, and two parties which I'm the organizer of to worry about.

 

In short: I crashed and burned, but things still went rather well. Further good news is that I've gone through my entire list of people I'd be interested in dating who are single now, so now I can pretty much lay back and let things happen. Que sera sera and all that.

[Sam]

Date is tonight. I'm pretty nervous. I'll have the house to myself cause both my room mates are flying till the early mornings.

No idea what type of movie to get, nor what to cook. Been almost 2 years since ive been on a first date i think :/

 

Take her out to McDonalds.

[TTanT]

Date is tonight. I'm pretty nervous. I'll have the house to myself cause both my room mates are flying till the early mornings.

No idea what type of movie to get, nor what to cook. Been almost 2 years since ive been on a first date i think :/

 

Take her out to McDonalds.

Or, make the hotdog things suggested earlier, then make weiner jokes. Hundreds of them.

Every time you make one grab your crotch and shout an obscenity.

 

In all seriousness:

After the evening has gone on for a bit and the moment seems right go for a kiss. Things will carry themselves on past that if she's willing.

[Estonian dude]

Well, I am not sure if I have said that, but my first and only kiss so far happened so, that we were walking in the Old Town at night (really, like 3-4 AM), and she just grabbed me and kissed me. She stood onto the curb, ofc, she couldn't reach my otherwise (2 metres or 6'7 talking) and I had no idea whatsoever what she was about to do...

Still, that was last November, I seriously gotta find me a girl.

[RpgGamer]

Get something easy to make, yet delicious, like buy frozen dough and wieners and make wiener-pies(?) out of them. Like small hot-dogs, but a lot better. And nice snacks for a movie.

 

and make sure to call them weiner-pies hahahaha. god I'm mature.

 

Take away, pizza, stir fry... Something simple.

And i'd go for a comedy or something similar, enjoyable for the both of you. Takes the edge off slightly.

 

comedies are good for stuff to talk about later, but movies are an opportunity to inspire other feelings other than laughs. Of course, it's best if all parties agree on the movie, too. But I like me a nice psychological thriller. But then, the ideal route would be crappy horror movie [look up Impact productions, or something on fearnet]. They're hilarious, bad, and if you get bored you can make a move and not care about the movie.

 

I'd stay away from stir fry. Makes your breath all rank.

 

Welp, shot down once again. However as with last time I'm finding myself more relieved to not have to worry about it anymore than upset about having been rejected.

 

And there's good news, too:

Her response to me asking her out was: "Sorry hun but I'm just not looking for a relationship right now." And she explained that she may be interested in a while but still isn't over her ex as of now. She also asked me if I was going to prom (every girl that rejects me asks me this, and I really don't know why), and we ended up talking for a while so there'll be no real awkwardness between us after this. She knows I didn't take it very hard, and that I'm glad just to have gotten it off my chest and not have someone else rat me out.

 

Mind, I seriously doubt I'll ever end up dating her ("maybe later" tends to mean "never"), but we'll see. For now I've got 4 AP exams a sparring tournament, and two parties which I'm the organizer of to worry about.

 

In short: I crashed and burned, but things still went rather well. Further good news is that I've gone through my entire list of people I'd be interested in dating who are single now, so now I can pretty much lay back and let things happen. Que sera sera and all that.

 

I like the attitude, better luck next time TTanT!

 

Well, I am not sure if I have said that, but my first and only kiss so far happened so, that we were walking in the Old Town at night (really, like 3-4 AM), and she just grabbed me and kissed me. She stood onto the curb, ofc, she couldn't reach my otherwise (2 metres or 6'7 talking) and I had no idea whatsoever what she was about to do...

Still, that was last November, I seriously gotta find me a girl.

 

that's adorable.

 

and you're right. you do.

[Noxx]

What a very strange night...

So i decided to get some Pizza and went with a Lord of the Rings. She told me she was a bit of a freak about it and hasn't seen it in a while. I was like :D x 100.

Anyway. After the movie was over we started talking about some random stuff. There was a lot of awkward pauses here and there where i'm guessing she was expecting me to kiss her and i was wondering if she expected me to kiss her.

I finally did. Things started going a bit further, at a slow-ish pace. Then before things got really heated she stopped me and said "Adrian. i need to tell you something first."

"Oh god she has a penis" was my first though (not really). I was like okayyyyy what's up?

"I'm kinda....still a virgin."

 

Okay so i told her that its not going to happen tonight. Call me gay, but i'm a firm believer that the first time you have sex should not be with someone you've only known for a few days/weeks. Although this is how it was with most of my Ex's, i think thats where i went wrong.

She seemed a bit surprised, i guess. But we still had a very fun night. You don't need sex to be intimate or have fun. She ended up staying the night anyway. Think this is the first time in my life i've actually woken up next to a girl i can remember going to bed with.

It was great. I made her some breakfast this morning. Then took her home to get changed and showered and took her to school.

 

She came with her car to my house last night, so it might have seemed odd that i drover her around, but this way i know i'll see her again today :D

[Thus]

What a very strange night...

So i decided to get some Pizza and went with a Lord of the Rings. She told me she was a bit of a freak about it and hasn't seen it in a while. I was like :D x 100.

Anyway. After the movie was over we started talking about some random stuff. There was a lot of awkward pauses here and there where i'm guessing she was expecting me to kiss her and i was wondering if she expected me to kiss her.

I finally did. Things started going a bit further, at a slow-ish pace. Then before things got really heated she stopped me and said "Adrian. i need to tell you something first."

"Oh god she has a penis" was my first though (not really). I was like okayyyyy what's up?

"I'm kinda....still a virgin."

 

Okay so i told her that its not going to happen tonight. Call me gay, but i'm a firm believer that the first time you have sex should not be with someone you've only known for a few days/weeks. Although this is how it was with most of my Ex's, i think thats where i went wrong.

She seemed a bit surprised, i guess. But we still had a very fun night. You don't need sex to be intimate or have fun. She ended up staying the night anyway. Think this is the first time in my life i've actually woken up next to a girl i can remember going to bed with.

It was great. I made her some breakfast this morning. Then took her home to get changed and showered and took her to school.

 

She came with her car to my house last night, so it might have seemed odd that i drover her around, but this way i know i'll see her again today :D

 

That's cute man, good job.

 

Honestly I wish I could stop being a cynical piece of shit and meet someone nice, but I find there's always problems having to do with me:

 

1) I never think anything lasts, so I don't deem it worth the time

2) Compromise is difficult

3) Zero time with my workload. I scape at the most bizarre hours of the night.

4) I'm terrible at holding a conversation.

5) I'm a Junior at my Uni, graduating next year. Even if I do meet someone time is not on my side.

6) I know I wouldn't do anything to hurt someone I liked, but I can't say the same about anyone I meet.

7) I'm in massive debt from the college loans. I don't even have a car.

8) Parents want me single forever

9) Seems everyone I meet has been in a relationship already. Maybe I started too late.

10) I don't look good or dress well. I cbf changing who I am just to impress someone. I'm not ugly or fat or anything, just not good looking.

11) I am sick of the way everything is sexualized in society. I considered myself asexual for a very long time because of this.

 

Funny thing is, I'm always giving people relationship advice that seems to work well for them. All of my roommates have girlfriends now. Yet I have never been in a relationship.

 

That felt good, got a lot off my chest.

[Estonian dude]

Story of my life, bro. Except I don't have that massive debt and I am still Junior in my High School ;) . Graduating next year.

Have given some good advice aswell, but have stayed alone without ever having a GF...

 

Yet there is the trouble that I don't meet people, cause of transportational issues. And I need a proper wingman before I will go to pubs or anything (18 is adult, can do everything here), but my best pal is still underaged.

 

And the fact that I am [bleep]ING 2 METRES TALL. Really awkward when I chat with girls, they like reach my chest or barely my shoulders... With their eyes, I meant.

[RpgGamer]

Story of my life, bro. Except I don't have that massive debt and I am still Junior in my High School ;) . Graduating next year.

Have given some good advice aswell, but have stayed alone without ever having a GF...

 

Yet there is the trouble that I don't meet people, cause of transportational issues. And I need a proper wingman before I will go to pubs or anything (18 is adult, can do everything here), but my best pal is still underaged.

 

And the fact that I am [bleep]ING 2 METRES TALL. Really awkward when I chat with girls, they like reach my chest or barely my shoulders... With their eyes, I meant.

 

Aren't you the one that lives in Estonia? Hell I'll move out there and wing with you haha.

 

....still a virgin."

 

 

run bro.

 

 

[i jest, but I'm also saying be careful. Virgins your age are virgins for a reason. Yeah she's sweet and awesome, no doubts there, but she's gonna have a lot of emotional attachment if you start hooking up with her. And that sounds like the last thing you need given your ex situation.]

[Noxx]

Story of my life, bro. Except I don't have that massive debt and I am still Junior in my High School ;) . Graduating next year.

Have given some good advice aswell, but have stayed alone without ever having a GF...

 

Yet there is the trouble that I don't meet people, cause of transportational issues. And I need a proper wingman before I will go to pubs or anything (18 is adult, can do everything here), but my best pal is still underaged.

 

And the fact that I am [bleep]ING 2 METRES TALL. Really awkward when I chat with girls, they like reach my chest or barely my shoulders... With their eyes, I meant.

 

Aren't you the one that lives in Estonia? Hell I'll move out there and wing with you haha.

 

....still a virgin."

 

 

run bro.

 

 

[i jest, but I'm also saying be careful. Virgins your age are virgins for a reason. Yeah she's sweet and awesome, no doubts there, but she's gonna have a lot of emotional attachment if you start hooking up with her. And that sounds like the last thing you need given your ex situation.]

Yeah it's kind of a messed up situation.

Almost all of my exes have been virgins when i met them, i don't know why. It's kind of like i seek them out without knowing. I've noticed it, my friends have noticed it. I know how most girls get after they lose their virginity. They become so attached to that person that he becomes their sun and their moon. Maybe a part of me likes it. Maybe that's why i've fallen into the same trap so many times.

But i've seen how it ends, too many times. I get fed up with them being too clingy and one fight leads to another leads to another and we split. It's messy.

Unless you lose your virginity on a one night stand, there's going to be emotions, and a lot of them. And i'm going to be seeing this girl at least 28 days of the months which means if things do get awkward, i can't exactly run and hide.

But now this leaves me with another issue. The time i spent with her last night was great. I can't remember having that much fun for a very long time. The sexual tension was great. Really. It felt i was really wanted, something i have not felt in a while. I like her. i can honestly say that. i enjoy spending time with her. I can see myself (for the moment at least) spending more time with her in the future.

But this whole virgin situation might make things messy. I don't want to tell her that it should remain a friendship because i don't want to be the one to deflower her, because this might anger her. It might make things much worse than they should be. But i know that the longer we spend time together, the closer we are going to come to the day where i'll lose control of myself and give in. And what happens then? Two or three weeks from now, if things continue to go how they are now, feelings are going to be a lot different, and stronger. Having sex them will be an even worse idea than it is now. And... well i'm a guy, and it's been a while. I'm not going to say no the the beef on the BBQ when it's cooking right there in front of me.

[Thus]

 

Unless you lose your virginity on a one night stand, there's going to be emotions, and a lot of them.

 

Yeah throw that onto my list of problems too. I honestly can't just lose my virginity on a one night stand.

[Noxx]

 

Unless you lose your virginity on a one night stand, there's going to be emotions, and a lot of them.

 

Yeah throw that onto my list of problems too. I honestly can't just lose my virginity on a one night stand.

Then don't. Losing your virginity isn't something you should rush. Every person thinks differently about sex. How you think about it is how you should react about it. If you believe you want to lose it to the first girl that opens her legs to you, and you know you can handle whatever emotional consequences might follow, then good on you. Go for it.

But if you're the type of guy that want's it to be with someone he loves, likes, or at least has known for longer than a night, then you wait. There's no shame. In fact, you're doing yourself a great service in waiting. Any idea what kind of emotional, mental, [bleep]ed up shit happens to people who lose their virginity to some guy/girl he/she meets at a random bar one night and decided to go have sex int he back of his/her car or in his/her dirty dorm room?

You don't want to live the next 5 years (maybe even longer) wishing you didn't make such a stupid mistake.

I've seen girls in my old High School go really crazy because of it.

[Giordano]

Any idea what kind of emotional, mental, [bleep]ed up shit happens to people who lose their virginity to some guy/girl he/she meets at a random bar one night and decided to go have sex int he back of his/her car or in his/her dirty dorm room?

Er, what happens exactly?

[Noxx]

Any idea what kind of emotional, mental, [bleep]ed up shit happens to people who lose their virginity to some guy/girl he/she meets at a random bar one night and decided to go have sex int he back of his/her car or in his/her dirty dorm room?

Er, what happens exactly?

Regret. And a lot of it. And regret can do bad things to you.

[Omar]

That's cute man, good job.

 

Honestly I wish I could stop being a cynical piece of shit and meet someone nice, but I find there's always problems having to do with me:

 

1) I never think anything lasts, so I don't deem it worth the time

2) Compromise is difficult

3) Zero time with my workload. I scape at the most bizarre hours of the night.

4) I'm terrible at holding a conversation.

5) I'm a Junior at my Uni, graduating next year. Even if I do meet someone time is not on my side.

6) I know I wouldn't do anything to hurt someone I liked, but I can't say the same about anyone I meet.

7) I'm in massive debt from the college loans. I don't even have a car.

8) Parents want me single forever

9) Seems everyone I meet has been in a relationship already. Maybe I started too late.

10) I don't look good or dress well. I cbf changing who I am just to impress someone. I'm not ugly or fat or anything, just not good looking.

11) I am sick of the way everything is sexualized in society. I considered myself asexual for a very long time because of this.

 

Funny thing is, I'm always giving people relationship advice that seems to work well for them. All of my roommates have girlfriends now. Yet I have never been in a relationship.

 

That felt good, got a lot off my chest.

That's an improvement (sorry about your belt, by the way).

7 isn't really an issue, since it's not like you go up to girls and tell them you have a nice car and they just drop their panties. Your personality is definitely more important.

9 is a groundless fear. Neil Strauss was 30 before he got anything done, as it were.

10 could be an issue, but I'd argue it's something you can do without. On a side note, starting to dress well isn't some kind of treason of your identity; it doesn't have to be a chore.

11 is something I can't relate to. I don't understand the taboo behind sexuality, but I don't know where you're from or how you were raised. At any rate, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

1: same goes for absolutely everything.

2: a little vague.

3: Are there people in similar situations who have girlfriends? If they can, you can.

4: Hang around people who are good at holding a conversation. You become what your friends are.

5: Same issue as 3, right?

6: Again, hanging around good people is a good cure for trust issues (witnessing more touching events such as Nox's would likely change your mind). Besides, you're sacrificing happiness for security.

8: [bleep] your parents.