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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios

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I was working a prom tonight, and I watched some handicapped kid [looking like he had some sort of birth defect with his spine, had a hardcore electric wheel chair] hooking up with a fairly attractive girl.

 

There are no excuses.

 

 

 

@Nox

I suggest a conversation with her. Why has she retained her virginity? How important is it to her? What challenges has she faced sexually because of it? Is she opposed to oral?

 

these are the things you need to know.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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I was working a prom tonight, and I watched some handicapped kid [looking like he had some sort of birth defect with his spine, had a hardcore electric wheel chair] hooking up with a fairly attractive girl.

 

There are no excuses.

 

 

 

@Nox

I suggest a conversation with her. Why has she retained her virginity? How important is it to her? What challenges has she faced sexually because of it? Is she opposed to oral?

 

these are the things you need to know.

Oh we spoke about it last night/today.

She said that she's just never met anyone she felt was worthy of sleeping with. She traveled a lot as a teen, so she was always the "no strings attached" girl, and she fot used by a lot of guys. She told me that for the past 3 years she has not really had a relationship with anyone because it's as if every guy she met started lying the second they saw her.

She told me i was the first real person she has met in a while. And i was happy to hear that. I pride myself on being honest, no matter how blunt, crude or arrogant it comes out. She said she valued that highly.

She also went on to say that being a virgin never really bothered her. It was never something she felt she had to lose. She wasn't just going to lose it to any dick (pun not intended). I have to admit after hearing most of it i felt a bit more comfortable, but still a little bit cautious as to what i should do.

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That's cute man, good job.

 

Honestly I wish I could stop being a cynical piece of shit and meet someone nice, but I find there's always problems having to do with me:

 

1) I never think anything lasts, so I don't deem it worth the time

2) Compromise is difficult

3) Zero time with my workload. I scape at the most bizarre hours of the night.

4) I'm terrible at holding a conversation.

5) I'm a Junior at my Uni, graduating next year. Even if I do meet someone time is not on my side.

6) I know I wouldn't do anything to hurt someone I liked, but I can't say the same about anyone I meet.

7) I'm in massive debt from the college loans. I don't even have a car.

8) Parents want me single forever

9) Seems everyone I meet has been in a relationship already. Maybe I started too late.

10) I don't look good or dress well. I cbf changing who I am just to impress someone. I'm not ugly or fat or anything, just not good looking.

11) I am sick of the way everything is sexualized in society. I considered myself asexual for a very long time because of this.

 

Funny thing is, I'm always giving people relationship advice that seems to work well for them. All of my roommates have girlfriends now. Yet I have never been in a relationship.

 

That felt good, got a lot off my chest.

That's an improvement (sorry about your belt, by the way).

7 isn't really an issue, since it's not like you go up to girls and tell them you have a nice car and they just drop their panties. Your personality is definitely more important.

9 is a groundless fear. Neil Strauss was 30 before he got anything done, as it were.

10 could be an issue, but I'd argue it's something you can do without. On a side note, starting to dress well isn't some kind of treason of your identity; it doesn't have to be a chore.

11 is something I can't relate to. I don't understand the taboo behind sexuality, but I don't know where you're from or how you were raised. At any rate, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

1: same goes for absolutely everything.

2: a little vague.

3: Are there people in similar situations who have girlfriends? If they can, you can.

4: Hang around people who are good at holding a conversation. You become what your friends are.

5: Same issue as 3, right?

6: Again, hanging around good people is a good cure for trust issues (witnessing more touching events such as Nox's would likely change your mind). Besides, you're sacrificing happiness for security.

8: [bleep] your parents.

 

 

You make good points, just theres so many generalizations. It just doesn't work the same for all people.

 

And about that belt comment. Don't be so quick to say things like that to people. I have tried a few times before, but was always found. It's honestly my biggest regret it never worked out. Not trying anymore though, so you shouldn't worry.

 

I tried to play it off and be sarcastic, but I can't anymore.

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That's cute man, good job.

 

Honestly I wish I could stop being a cynical piece of shit and meet someone nice, but I find there's always problems having to do with me:

 

1) I never think anything lasts, so I don't deem it worth the time

2) Compromise is difficult

3) Zero time with my workload. I scape at the most bizarre hours of the night.

4) I'm terrible at holding a conversation.

5) I'm a Junior at my Uni, graduating next year. Even if I do meet someone time is not on my side.

6) I know I wouldn't do anything to hurt someone I liked, but I can't say the same about anyone I meet.

7) I'm in massive debt from the college loans. I don't even have a car.

8) Parents want me single forever

9) Seems everyone I meet has been in a relationship already. Maybe I started too late.

10) I don't look good or dress well. I cbf changing who I am just to impress someone. I'm not ugly or fat or anything, just not good looking.

11) I am sick of the way everything is sexualized in society. I considered myself asexual for a very long time because of this.

 

Funny thing is, I'm always giving people relationship advice that seems to work well for them. All of my roommates have girlfriends now. Yet I have never been in a relationship.

 

That felt good, got a lot off my chest.

That's an improvement (sorry about your belt, by the way).

7 isn't really an issue, since it's not like you go up to girls and tell them you have a nice car and they just drop their panties. Your personality is definitely more important.

9 is a groundless fear. Neil Strauss was 30 before he got anything done, as it were.

10 could be an issue, but I'd argue it's something you can do without. On a side note, starting to dress well isn't some kind of treason of your identity; it doesn't have to be a chore.

11 is something I can't relate to. I don't understand the taboo behind sexuality, but I don't know where you're from or how you were raised. At any rate, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

1: same goes for absolutely everything.

2: a little vague.

3: Are there people in similar situations who have girlfriends? If they can, you can.

4: Hang around people who are good at holding a conversation. You become what your friends are.

5: Same issue as 3, right?

6: Again, hanging around good people is a good cure for trust issues (witnessing more touching events such as Nox's would likely change your mind). Besides, you're sacrificing happiness for security.

8: [bleep] your parents.

 

 

You make good points, just theres so many generalizations. It just doesn't work the same for all people.

 

And about that belt comment. Don't be so quick to say things like that to people. I have tried a few times before, but was always found. It's honestly my biggest regret it never worked out. Not trying anymore though, so you shouldn't worry.

 

I tried to play it off and be sarcastic, but I can't anymore.

 

Sounds like you need something to hope for.

 

@Nox

She sounds great but...I dunno. Unless you're getting serious with her I don't think it's a good idea to continue hooking up with her. And I hate to be the guy that doesn't encourage people getting laid. I really REALLY do.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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@Thus: sorry it came across that way; when I told you you might as well kill yourself I was just pointing out the hole in your logic, and your reply felt like you didn't really want to help yourself (which is why I later spoke of improvement). I also really wanted to make a Godot joke and sound smart.

 

I might have made some generalizations, but you can't give up before you give it a shot; for all you know you could be one of those for whom it does work. It's a situation kind of like Pascal's Wager, you know?

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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So I've known this guy for a little over half a year now. I asked him to my Sadie Hawkins dance about one and half weeks ago, and we had a really good time. We start texting everyday, and he told me he really likes me a week ago. I'm at the peak of stress between soccer playoffs and an AP European History Exam this Friday, the 11th.

 

I've never had a guy ever interested in me before. I have a motto for relationships: "If I have a boyfriend in high school, that's ok. If I don't, that's ok too." I think I like him (my friend calls it "stirrings"). This would be my first relationship. All my friends are trying to edge us together. I feel like I should try it. Should I?

Nani mo dekinai

Chanto dekinai

Sore ga dou shita?

Bokura wa wakai'n da

Nanimo dekinai

Sugu ni dekinai

Dakara bokura ni kanou sei ga aru'n da

 

~AKB48

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The fact that you feel the need to ask this question says that you are doubting the fact. But I'd say give it a shot, just change your motto a bit and remember that not everything lasts.

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Yes.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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mods apparently do not like my story. Fine.

 

Let me ask you guys this: how do you feel about dating co-workers? is it okay for certain ages and not others? certain positions, but not others? What if one has a superior role in the workplace to the other? does it then matter which role the boy verse the girl has?

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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My warning would be that people don't tend to enjoy working with people who are an item, especailly when its a new thing (as in it would be different if you had been married for 30 years). So you can expect some hostility from the people you work with.

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mods apparently do not like my story. Fine.

 

Let me ask you guys this: how do you feel about dating co-workers? is it okay for certain ages and not others? certain positions, but not others? What if one has a superior role in the workplace to the other? does it then matter which role the boy verse the girl has?

Dated my gf while we worked together (being her superior), never again.

polvCwJ.gif
"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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mods apparently do not like my story. Fine.

 

Let me ask you guys this: how do you feel about dating co-workers? is it okay for certain ages and not others? certain positions, but not others? What if one has a superior role in the workplace to the other? does it then matter which role the boy verse the girl has?

Dated my gf while we worked together (being her superior), never again.

Did she become lazy thinking she didn't really need to do anything because she was dating her superior?

lighviolet1lk4.jpg
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Alight, so it's been a pretty average weekend. Spent most of my time studying. Saw the girl, etc.

I was wondering about something, but i'm not sure if this is taking it a bit too far.

Later on in the week, probably Thursday or so, i was thinking about flying down to West Palm. I was thinking about asking her to come along with me, and maybe we can have dinner somewhere.

This will really be the first time that we get to do something a "couple" would do, even though we're not really a couple (yet?).

I feel like i want to be, but i know that i'm still a bit too damaged to commit right now. And i have plenty other things that need a bit more attention than a girl.

So, would this be a wise move? might it be seen as a "this is my way of asking you to be with me" thing?

Because that's really the last thing i want, but i also don;t feel like i want to hold back on having fun.

 

Then a quick other issue. Most of my friends back home are girls. It's always been that way. I talk to most of them every day, or at least once a week. We talk about everything, they comment on everything (statuses, photos, etc.). They have known me for a long time now, they know exactly what kind of person i am. They are often very flirty (some of them), and they're not shy about it (although it's all in a friendly manner). Today while me and the French girls was talking, i got a notification on my phone about a friend of mine who had just commented on a photo i recently uploaded. As expected, it was a bit flirty. The French girl looked a bit upset about it. Kind of like a mix of jealous and upset. I told her that the girl and i have been friends for long time, blah blah blah. But ofcourse, being a girl, she's now going to constantly worry that i'm being a typical guy behind her back.

Should i try and reasure her? Or what?

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Alight, so it's been a pretty average weekend. Spent most of my time studying. Saw the girl, etc.

I was wondering about something, but i'm not sure if this is taking it a bit too far.

Later on in the week, probably Thursday or so, i was thinking about flying down to West Palm. I was thinking about asking her to come along with me, and maybe we can have dinner somewhere.

This will really be the first time that we get to do something a "couple" would do, even though we're not really a couple (yet?).

I feel like i want to be, but i know that i'm still a bit too damaged to commit right now. And i have plenty other things that need a bit more attention than a girl.

So, would this be a wise move? might it be seen as a "this is my way of asking you to be with me" thing?

Because that's really the last thing i want, but i also don;t feel like i want to hold back on having fun.

 

Then a quick other issue. Most of my friends back home are girls. It's always been that way. I talk to most of them every day, or at least once a week. We talk about everything, they comment on everything (statuses, photos, etc.). They have known me for a long time now, they know exactly what kind of person i am. They are often very flirty (some of them), and they're not shy about it (although it's all in a friendly manner). Today while me and the French girls was talking, i got a notification on my phone about a friend of mine who had just commented on a photo i recently uploaded. As expected, it was a bit flirty. The French girl looked a bit upset about it. Kind of like a mix of jealous and upset. I told her that the girl and i have been friends for long time, blah blah blah. But ofcourse, being a girl, she's now going to constantly worry that i'm being a typical guy behind her back.

Should i try and reasure her? Or what?

 

too late to run now bro. Thems is crazy eyes she just flashed at you over a simple text. Hope you enjoy committing to her, lest you come off as a jerk.

 

I wish I had a more eloquent way of saying that.

Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Alight, so it's been a pretty average weekend. Spent most of my time studying. Saw the girl, etc.

I was wondering about something, but i'm not sure if this is taking it a bit too far.

Later on in the week, probably Thursday or so, i was thinking about flying down to West Palm. I was thinking about asking her to come along with me, and maybe we can have dinner somewhere.

This will really be the first time that we get to do something a "couple" would do, even though we're not really a couple (yet?).

I feel like i want to be, but i know that i'm still a bit too damaged to commit right now. And i have plenty other things that need a bit more attention than a girl.

So, would this be a wise move? might it be seen as a "this is my way of asking you to be with me" thing?

Because that's really the last thing i want, but i also don;t feel like i want to hold back on having fun.

 

Then a quick other issue. Most of my friends back home are girls. It's always been that way. I talk to most of them every day, or at least once a week. We talk about everything, they comment on everything (statuses, photos, etc.). They have known me for a long time now, they know exactly what kind of person i am. They are often very flirty (some of them), and they're not shy about it (although it's all in a friendly manner). Today while me and the French girls was talking, i got a notification on my phone about a friend of mine who had just commented on a photo i recently uploaded. As expected, it was a bit flirty. The French girl looked a bit upset about it. Kind of like a mix of jealous and upset. I told her that the girl and i have been friends for long time, blah blah blah. But ofcourse, being a girl, she's now going to constantly worry that i'm being a typical guy behind her back.

Should i try and reasure her? Or what?

 

too late to run now bro. Thems is crazy eyes she just flashed at you over a simple text. Hope you enjoy committing to her, lest you come off as a jerk.

 

I wish I had a more eloquent way of saying that.

I knew i didn't say it right, haha. I had to sit here for some time, trying to think of a way to say it without getting it wrong. Seems i still did anyway.

It's kind of hard to explain the look she gave me. It wasn't like "who the [bleep] is that???" look. Was more of a... wow i can't explain it.

Imagine you like a girl, and she gets a text from her guy friend. A flirty kind of text. She reads it straight away, and giggles. Chances are you're going to be thinking "ah crap :( ". Kind of like, it's not just you, there's someone else playing the same game as you are.

 

She doesn't seem to be the jealous type anyway. She told me one of the first days we met that her problem had always been not being jealous enough, haha.

That's why i asked if i should give her some sort of reassurance. Tell her that i have a lot of friends who happen to be girls, and that i talk to them a lot, and that she should worry about it.

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I dunno man. I know you know the situation you're in pretty well. I just hate to see it blow up on you over something stupid like that

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Yeah, you might want to bring that up at some point. Also, if your not ready to commit to someone yet, then just what the [bleep] are you doing right now anyway? I'm pretty sure she is looking for some sort of commitment since, being a virgin flings obviously aren't her thing, and the massive amount of time between meeting you and actually approaching you.

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Well that's the thing. I've made her well aware of my situation. I told her that i'm going to be here for another 6 months at most, but it could easily be as little as 5 months. She knows that, i know that. I already told her that committing might not be a good idea, for the both of us. I don't want to fall inlove and end up having to break it off because i have to move. If it does come to that, at the end of the day, there's always the option that she could move back home with me. I have a house there i can live in. I can move out of my parents' place, etc. But do i really want to put that on the table right now? Heck, thinking about such things at the moment is stupidity at it's best. I don't want to start making a 10 year plan with a girl i've known for only a few weeks.

I'm pretty sure that she's expecting me to commit at some stage or another, which is fine. I might even feel like i'm ready to do so, sooner than i think. But what i don't get is what she's expecting to get out of it. I already know the reality of what's going to happen. Nothing on earth can keep me from going back to Doha and working there after i'm done here. No other company in the world is going to be able to even come close to what i'll earn back home. There's just not even any thinking twice about it. I've made it clear to her to. I've told her that there's no way i'm NOT going back to Doha. And i'll keep on making that point clear as often as i can without making it an annoying topic.

I'm not about to give up my career/dreams for a girl. To be honest, i'm not willing to give it up for anything. Be it selfish or not. So i guess, in a few days (maybe if i decide to take her out for dinner), i'll have to make my intentions, or lack there of, clear to her.

I'll have to make it clear that i have a lot of female friends. They will talk to me, and often. They will come across as flirty, but that's just how we are with each other. For god's sake, we've done a lot more crazy things together in the past anyway. A flirty text should be the least of her worries.

I'll have to make it clear, again, on what i plan for my future and that if any girl (her, or anyone else) wants a part of it, they're going to have to accept it and we can go from there. I've never been career driven in my life, until now that ive found something i love doing and im not giving it up, not am i going to stray from my plans. Whether or not she can accept that is going to be up to her.

 

I've said this before, but me and this girl just click. We can talk for hours, which is great. Things can get physical even without sex, which i love. I often feel that sex brings a lot of complications to the table, which is really something i do not need at the moment. So for now, the longer i wait the better. And luckily i have found a girl who makes this easy for me. I think the most important thing is just for her to understand where i come from and where im going. Who i know and how we are with each other. This should already clear up a lot of doubt and confusion on her part.

 

Now i know people can fall inlove really fast. It has always been my curse. But im taking it slow now. Doing everything i can to make sure than when the day comes, it's love and not lust. And i want to be sure that, for once, i am with someone for the right reasons from the start, and the same goes for her.

 

I know that my posts over the past few weeks have not been as much asking advice, but rather just putting down some thoughts. But i feel that this is one way to get it off my chest and see it from a different perspective. Makes me able to see if it's really as crazy as it seems, or just my mind making it seem crazy, so i really do appreciate the replies i get and i do take everything into account. I might not always follow the advice i am given, but i do use it to alter my thoughts and i do use it to give me some perspective on a situation i might be too close to to see clearly.

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Perhaps we're both reading too far into the situation. You're taking her to dinner, not asking her to marry you. I kind of want to tell you to ride it out and enjoy it for the next 6 months. If it's still going great, then you can face the decision to let her move with you or break it off.

 

it sucks cause it's like knowing the ending of a book before reading it. You know that the day will come where you'll be presented with a separation of paths. But how would you handle the plot until the ending? that's up to you.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Looks good Nox. And while I hope the consideration of marrige isn't on the table yet, I don't see anything wrong with running through a what if situation that has her moving back to wherever your from once she is done, if things are still going well. The really tricky part is that this conversation should be had with her as well, sooner rather than later, and there really is no way to bring it up without sounding over enthusiastic.

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Considering some individuals in OT's population that's probably not a good idea...

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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I've actually gotten more and more into Cornell for reasons other than my girlfriend, so that's kind of nice. The feeling of chosing an "inferior college" is largely gone.

However, I still have this gut feeling that a gap year would suit me better (mature, use work exp. to tune program, prepare finances better) and would allow me to chase my skiing dreams. I will wait out the scholarship interview on May 15. If that one turns out bad, I'm not going for sure. Don't want my parents to spend that much on a second choice.

 

I have also edited my previous posts because I prefer not to have this much personal information linger on the internet. I would appreciate if you guys would delete it in your quotes, thanks!

 

And thank you all very much for the advice btw, I know it was a lot to read, so it means something to me :-)

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