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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

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Hmm... I can see your logic there Sumpta but you have to realise than in general, people's personalites never really change that much. The way we behave stems from our childhood and once that mentallity is set it's hard to even adapt from it, let alone change it altogther.

 

 

 

We all have negative characteristcs which become expressed when we're stressed. The key, in my experience, is coming to grips with those characteristics, and learning how to control them. For me, half of what building a relationship entails, is adapating yourself to become less frictional against the other partner.

 

 

 

At the end of the day, her partner will remain a heavily-guarded, fortress-like figure who won't easily let Mel into his secrets. However, he has to learn to adapt to Mel's needs and respect she has a right to know if something could jeapordise the relationship.

 

 

 

If he can't do that, then hell yeah, you're right; Mel should move on. From the sounds of things, Goddess has tried to control her own stresses, and he hasn't. If he wants this thing to work, he's gotta do the changing, not Goddess.

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Alright, sorry to cut into IgoddessI 's problem, but i got a question.

 

 

 

Me and my girl (for those paying attention, my relationship with her is by putting it lightly, complicated) were on a date tonight. So we walked to her friends house, like usual and started kissing on her friends bed. It got pretty intense and then she just kind of stopped, gave me a sad face and walked out of the room. I followed her and asked what was wrong, she replied with a "I don't want to end up like my sister" (who got pregnant in highshool and has had a really...'interesting'...life style since.). I said that if i was going to fast i'll slow it down, but she didn't really respond to it. She basically said she didn't want to talk about it. I know her pretty well, but i'd never seen this kind of reaction before.

 

Was it something I did, or is this an issue on her side of the deal?

 

Or is this one of those questions that i'm really paranoid about, and you guys can't really help because you weren't there? :-s


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Alright, sorry to cut into IgoddessI 's problem, but i got a question.

 

 

 

Me and my girl (for those paying attention, my relationship with her is by putting it lightly, complicated) were on a date tonight. So we walked to her friends house, like usual and started kissing on her friends bed. It got pretty intense and then she just kind of stopped, gave me a sad face and walked out of the room. I followed her and asked what was wrong, she replied with a "I don't want to end up like my sister" (who got pregnant in highshool and has had a really...'interesting'...life style since.). I said that if i was going to fast i'll slow it down, but she didn't really respond to it. She basically said she didn't want to talk about it. I know her pretty well, but i'd never seen this kind of reaction before.

 

Was it something I did, or is this an issue on her side of the deal?

 

Or is this one of those questions that i'm really paranoid about, and you guys can't really help because you weren't there? :-s

 

 

 

While I am no expert by any means (all I know is what I've read in this thread), I just don't think she wants to risk getting pregnant.

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Get her to see a doctor, go on the pill and wear a condom.


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The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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Sumpta is right, old dogs don't learn new tricks, they repeat the same ones.

 

 

 

I'm going to find someone else.

 

 

 

I'm going to have a girls night out. I was going to see Rick but I'm too poor :(

 

 

 

The girls have offered to pick me up and cheer me up... Gotta love them.


igoddessIsig.png

 

The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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Me and my girl (for those paying attention, my relationship with her is by putting it lightly, complicated) were on a date tonight. So we walked to her friends house, like usual and started kissing on her friends bed. It got pretty intense and then she just kind of stopped, gave me a sad face and walked out of the room. I followed her and asked what was wrong, she replied with a "I don't want to end up like my sister" (who got pregnant in highshool and has had a really...'interesting'...life style since.). I said that if i was going to fast i'll slow it down, but she didn't really respond to it. She basically said she didn't want to talk about it. I know her pretty well, but i'd never seen this kind of reaction before.

 

Was it something I did, or is this an issue on her side of the deal?

 

Or is this one of those questions that i'm really paranoid about, and you guys can't really help because you weren't there? :-s

 

Just suggest the solution; as Goddess says get contraception. Course, the only 100% efficient way not to get pregnant is not to have sex in the first place. If she doesn't want that, maybe you're gonna have to accept that... :-w

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Alright, sorry to cut into IgoddessI 's problem, but i got a question.

 

 

 

Me and my girl (for those paying attention, my relationship with her is by putting it lightly, complicated) were on a date tonight. So we walked to her friends house, like usual and started kissing on her friends bed. It got pretty intense and then she just kind of stopped, gave me a sad face and walked out of the room. I followed her and asked what was wrong, she replied with a "I don't want to end up like my sister" (who got pregnant in highshool and has had a really...'interesting'...life style since.). I said that if i was going to fast i'll slow it down, but she didn't really respond to it. She basically said she didn't want to talk about it. I know her pretty well, but i'd never seen this kind of reaction before.

 

Was it something I did, or is this an issue on her side of the deal?

 

Or is this one of those questions that i'm really paranoid about, and you guys can't really help because you weren't there? :-s

 

 

 

I think its a little of both.

 

 

 

In her eyes, you were going a bit too fast, wheter you meant to or not.

 

 

 

The issue on her side is that, after what happened to her sister, she doesn't want to end up like that. Her issue may be that, she's conflicted on the matter, I think, for one, she may want to do it, or would have stopped you earlier, however she's seen what her sister ended up like, and well doesn't want to take the risk. Condoms can fail, and she may be a bit embarrassed about going to go get the pill.

 

 

 

Out of curosity, are you both at or above the legal age of consent? You probably are, but still, do either of you want to run the risk of being charged? (It can happen her parents find out and get really pissed of at you, which I can agree with really, you ould both be underage, and have broke the law at the same time, not saying you are underage of course.)


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Denizen of Darkness| PSN= sworddude198

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I'm fairly sure that there is some leniency in place for minors who engage in intercourse. Something on the order of being within a year or two of each other's ages.

 

 

 

Depends on your state, and if you are under 18. Age difference has nothing to do with it. Say the legal age in your state is 14. In all states, by law, no person over 18 may have intercourse with anyone younger then themselves. Thus, everyone between the ages of 14-17 are legal.

 

At least, I'm pretty sure.


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I am just puzzled by my somewhat girl freind. we were not dating but were getting extremly close. Weve discussed this and she had no problem with dating but wanted to take it slow as we would be dating online. No reason to rush online dating because its not much different then just talking.

 

 

 

During christmas break we got extremly close almost talking each day for 6 hours a day on average. About two days ago she decides she doesn't really want to see me anymore, becuase it really hurts to see me online but not have me in real life. I am 99 percent sure I did nothing to make her mad at me and all she really says right now is shes confused.

 

 

 

She is avoiding me online. When shes on I try to ask her whats up but she doesn't say much yesterday she told me she was a bit confused about what she wants. Today I asked her if she still wanted t o be freinsd and she just gave me a sure. I don't really know what to do I am extremly depressed and suicide keeps coming up. I have been depressed since I was about 12, but suicide usually stays away but I'd like nothing better then kill myself right now. Turn 19 jan 23rd but not having her won't even be a bday. I just can't deal with why she won't talk to me.

 

 

 

I am almost sure I did nothing wrong. I have asked her a couple of times whats up and she doesn't give me a straight answer. I kept my money away from her to try to find someone I could really connect to and have had bad times with this in the past when I was alot younger. I am just extremly confused.

 

 

 

I usually never ask anyone to help me with my depression becuase it usually just turns out bad, but I am almost 19 and have never been kissed in my life. I am a total geek and barly understand females. I always listend to what she said but i'm guessing I never got signals.


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I am just puzzled by my somewhat girl freind. we were not dating but were getting extremly close. Weve discussed this and she had no problem with dating but wanted to take it slow as we would be dating online. No reason to rush online dating because its not much different then just talking.

 

Isn't it, though?

 

 

 

Talking face-to-face involves a level of confidence talking over the Internet simply does not. It's all very good saying to someone when you're on MSN or something like that, but actually saying that same thing to them in real life? The amount of times I've seen people able to talk about their feelings over the Internet, but place them on the spot in real life and they become paralysed, unable to even speak...

 

 

 

Second thing is; don't put yourself down so much. So, girls won't go out with you because of your looks? They're not worth it, honestly. This girl clearly seems attracted to your personality, be happy and proud by that. Inspire yourself to express that side of you more in real life.

 

 

 

I'd just give her some time. She's clearly confused and doesn't really know what to think right now. Above all else, if you become too attached to one another, a relationship can't function. Spending time apart is almost as important as spending time together. So just give her a couple of weeks to herself while she figures out exactly what she wants, and come back to us if things are still dodgy, deal? :)

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alright, thanks. sorry, just not thinking to be nice right now. I appreciate the help though.


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alright, thanks. sorry, just not thinking to be nice right now. I appreciate the help though.

 

What ya got to be sorry for? Asking for help on a sticky designed for people to ask help on? If I got angry at ya, that wouldn't make any sense now would it, lol.

 

 

 

Even if you think it's not in the two of yours best interests, you still gotta respect her wishes at the end of the day. Says more about you as a person if you can do that instead of getting angry at her.

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to put it simple. i feel unatractive, i feel crap everyday, i have depression, no job, all my friends have girlfriends/boyfriends and "gone beyond the moon" as an expression. i dont know how to meet a girl because i live in a crappy little town, the closest town is full of girls both taken and dating mongrel sexaholics. i've been depressed for 6 years now and tried so hard to get out of it. i've applied to countless jobs to be turnd down on all occasions. i have a fit great body but unfortunatly i dont run around without a shirt so they only see the ugly face of me. i have confidence issuses as i have horrible scars o both knee caps and up on my legs so i HAVE to wear 3/4 shorts or longer to cover them up and all my friends dont seem to realy help me. all they say is "Stop acting like a baby." or "stop complaining". its like im stuck in an abyss of hands-that-slap-you.

 

 

 

weather anyone actully replies i dont know but if not sorry for wasting text space


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to put it simple. i feel unatractive, i feel crap everyday, i have depression, no job, all my friends have girlfriends/boyfriends and "gone beyond the moon" as an expression. i dont know how to meet a girl because i live in a crappy little town, the closest town is full of girls both taken and dating mongrel sexaholics. i've been depressed for 6 years now and tried so hard to get out of it. i've applied to countless jobs to be turnd down on all occasions. i have a fit great body but unfortunatly i dont run around without a shirt so they only see the ugly face of me. i have confidence issuses as i have horrible scars o both knee caps and up on my legs so i HAVE to wear 3/4 shorts or longer to cover them up and all my friends dont seem to realy help me. all they say is "Stop acting like a baby." or "stop complaining". its like im stuck in an abyss of hands-that-slap-you.

 

 

 

weather anyone actully replies i dont know but if not sorry for wasting text space

 

 

 

Re-read what you wrote.

 

 

 

If any guy spoke like that to me and expected me to get to know him, I'd run the opposite direction.

 

 

 

Try actually speaking positively about yourself for a change.


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The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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to put it simple. i feel unatractive, i feel crap everyday, i have depression, no job, all my friends have girlfriends/boyfriends and "gone beyond the moon" as an expression. i dont know how to meet a girl because i live in a crappy little town, the closest town is full of girls both taken and dating mongrel sexaholics. i've been depressed for 6 years now and tried so hard to get out of it. i've applied to countless jobs to be turnd down on all occasions. i have a fit great body but unfortunatly i dont run around without a shirt so they only see the ugly face of me. i have confidence issuses as i have horrible scars o both knee caps and up on my legs so i HAVE to wear 3/4 shorts or longer to cover them up and all my friends dont seem to realy help me. all they say is "Stop acting like a baby." or "stop complaining". its like im stuck in an abyss of hands-that-slap-you.

 

 

 

weather anyone actully replies i dont know but if not sorry for wasting text space

 

 

 

Your problem is that you wallow so much in self-pity that nobody feels any incentive to help.

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to put it simple. i feel unatractive, i feel crap everyday, i have depression, no job, all my friends have girlfriends/boyfriends and "gone beyond the moon" as an expression. i dont know how to meet a girl because i live in a crappy little town, the closest town is full of girls both taken and dating mongrel sexaholics. i've been depressed for 6 years now and tried so hard to get out of it. i've applied to countless jobs to be turnd down on all occasions. i have a fit great body but unfortunatly i dont run around without a shirt so they only see the ugly face of me. i have confidence issuses as i have horrible scars o both knee caps and up on my legs so i HAVE to wear 3/4 shorts or longer to cover them up and all my friends dont seem to realy help me. all they say is "Stop acting like a baby." or "stop complaining". its like im stuck in an abyss of hands-that-slap-you.

 

 

 

weather anyone actully replies i dont know but if not sorry for wasting text space

 

 

 

Okay, first, stop thinking so negative.

 

 

 

Secondly, what age are you, with something like this, its better when we know the age.

 

 

 

Whats the point in wearing shorts anyway, and honestly, when you grow older you will realise running around without a top on just means you are a cocky show off.

 

 

 

Just talk to girls, get to know them as friends first, and can help with your confidence.

 

 

 

I see why girls avoid talking to you if you act so negative, try act positively, looks go away in time, what good are looks when you are 60+ Years old?

 

 

 

Oh, and you need better friends if they just act like that, though they have a point, you are coming across as babyish and whiny.


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Denizen of Darkness| PSN= sworddude198

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The girl took me off her messenger freinds list. Why won't she tell me why shes mad at me?


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Well lets start shall we.

 

 

 

You come across as overly possessive, clingy and won't give her some time alone basically.

 

 

 

Face it, she's fed up with you, move the hell on. Get out more, make friends with girls, don't go looking for relationships.


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This has to be dealt with point by point in order to explain, ready?

 

 

 

to put it simple. i feel unatractive, i feel crap everyday, i have depression, no job,

 

 

 

That attitude is a problem. You have to shift gears from the unattractive feelings if you want to have a change with women.

 

 

 

all my friends have girlfriends/boyfriends and "gone beyond the moon" as an expression.

 

 

 

If so then I would recommend you talk to them for advice as I am sure at least one of them is a real "natural" at pickups.

 

 

 

i dont know how to meet a girl because i live in a crappy little town, the closest town is full of girls both taken and dating mongrel sexaholics.

 

 

 

Want to find girls? Go to libraries, shopping malls, coffee shops. Anywhere. It's actually a great way to get practice by talking to random people. I have mastered the eye contact thing lately by just practicing on totally random strangers that I will probably never see again.

 

 

 

Clubs/bars are also a great place because the girls who go there are going for a reason but it's a very different atmosphere.

 

 

 

i've been depressed for 6 years now and tried so hard to get out of it.

 

 

 

I'm no expert in that matter so the best I can say is just "try harder".

 

 

 

i've applied to countless jobs to be turnd down on all occasions.

 

 

 

I'm sorry to hear that, but again i have no experience there.

 

 

 

i have a fit great body but unfortunatly i dont run around without a shirt so they only see the ugly face of me.

 

 

 

I'm sure you've seen this: An absolutely gorgeous girl with her an unapplealing guy next to him. When I see this I use to wonder "what could she possibly see in this guy?" Now I know the answer: The qualities of a confident man.

 

 

 

A mistake that you, me and several other people who replied here before is that we are completely mistaken about what a woman cares about. Do women care about looks? Yes, do they care as much about looks as a guy cares about a girl's looks? Not even close. What a women cares about is personality and NOT looks.

 

 

 

This means that the reason behind your lack of success is not your bad looks, it's your personality. If you could show to women that you are someone who is confident, or a sensitive jerk or simply put: a REAL man, then they would be all over you.

 

 

 

So how important are looks? Well they can make a difference but they are certainly not decisive. The important thing about looks is that if you feel that you look good then your confidence is boosted.

 

 

 

i have confidence issuses as i have horrible scars o both knee caps and up on my legs so i HAVE to wear 3/4 shorts or longer to cover them up

 

 

 

Bold, underline and italics and I STILL think that it's not enough to emphasize this. THAT is the problem. If you lack confidence, you don't impress women, which diminishes your self-esteem which leads to a vicious cycle until you understand what the problem is. Once you understand the problem, I guarantee you that it can be solved.

 

 

 

and all my friends dont seem to realy help me. all they say is "Stop acting like a baby." or "stop complaining". its like im stuck in an abyss of hands-that-slap-you.

 

 

 

What they are doing is a very in-your-face approach however I totally agree with them. Here's what they mean:

 

 

 

"Stop acting like a baby."

 

 

 

What they mean is stop acting insecure and act like a real man who is not afraid to show his intentions.

 

 

 

"stop complaining"

 

 

 

What they mean here is stop trying by lamenting about your mistakes you are not acting confident and you need to stop lamenting about your mistakes and instead learn from your mistakes in order to be a real man.

 

 

 

Furthermore look at Goddess's reply:

 

 

 

If any guy spoke like that to me and expected me to get to know him, I'd run the opposite direction.

 

 

 

She has no idea what you look like yet she is totally not attracted. She is demonstrating that what women care about is attitude and the attitude you presented us in your post is unattractive.

 

 

 

weather anyone actully replies i dont know but if not sorry for wasting text space

 

 

 

Ok I'm going to use this last part to make a point. Do you feel this way when you are around women? I use to do so all the time. I was constantly worrying "am i bothering her?" "she probably won't care about me" blablabla and I know now that I came across as an insecure little wimp who supplicates to girls. It wasn't till i went to bars when I started acting a lot different (hence why i think bars are an ideal place to meet women). I stopped worrying about what girls would think of me and I just talked. I still have miles to go (Like I'm afraid to go further, once again on the whole "is this really the right thing to do?" attitude). Now, I have a few questions, some of which are rhetoric and you might spot the point I'm trying to make:

 

 

 

If you were to go up to a girl do you first stop and imagine all the horrific scenarios where she reject you?

 

 

 

Do you constantly worry about if you're "in her league"?

 

 

 

Have you considered buying a girl a drink or something in order to talk to her?

 

 

 

Have you ever focused on trying to get with ONE girl?

 

 

 

Are you afraid to touch a girl after talking to her?


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meh i used to be scared of rejection but life goes on the worst that can happen is you get rejected but there are plenty more fish in the sea as they say


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y_anima"]meh i used to be scared of rejection but life goes on the worst that can happen is you get rejected but there are plenty more fish in the sea as they say

 

 

 

Yup exactly, worse things can happen. Nothing Ventured, Nothing gained.


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That's what she said yesterday :P

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alright its ok now. She just really doesn't want an ingame relationship which we were close to. I guess thats understandable and i'm just going to give her space from now on.


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