"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[dragoonson]

Alright Klan,I'm probably wrong,and most of the readers will be quick to point that out,but I find it easier if a girl knows.I'm not the type that will use jackassery to get girls attention,I'm a bit insecure for that,so I'm quite often deemed as shy.

 

 

 

Which means if I somehow let a girl know I like her,its quite a flattery that I seemingly plucked up confidence.So you know,if you're known to be shy,even if you're not,and since you can't keep secrets,just go straight out and tell her.

 

 

 

Damned politics of dating,huh?

[Solidus_77]

Egg, I've had the same thing happen to me. I had a crush on a girl and once I danced with her quite a bit at one party (she danced only a bit with other guys, but it was mostly the two of us) and SHE was the one coming to ME. I then made a half-assed approach, rejected and from then on my interest in her was made clear to her and everyone. Not a problem, but it never went anywhere from there. She seemed a LITTLE different and frankly didn't act all comfortable around me, so getting to know her was harder. Eventually I was able to move on from her and forget the silly crush I had. I even danced with her again, but this time with no strings attached (as in, I KNEW that it meant nothing relationship-wise and it was just fun) and it felt a lot different for me.

 

 

 

So, now the question is: is having a girl dancing with you a sign of interest? It might or might not be. Depends a lot on the girl, and depends a lot on your mind. If she knows you already like her then I'd lean towards her just having fun rather than a clear sign of interest.

 

 

 

The problem is she knows that I like her... alot...

 

I haven't read the previous page to keep up with the thread, but this comment [bleep]ed a little interest in me, simply because I've had the same problem so often. I'm not one for keeping secrets, and aren't very good at it even when I do try, so usually when I like a girl, she knows before I manage to ask her out. Sometimes, it still works out okay, but as often as not, it ends up that she'll be a little weirded out by it, and turn a little awkward and stop wanting to hang out with me so much. Now, it's not an overly pronounced difference, but their entire attitude is affected and my chances of going out with them ever drop a good amount. I suppose the best idea is to keep it to yourself until you manage to ask her out, but honestly, that's just personal experience and I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do.

 

 

 

Hmm... Actually, a lil' bit of advice for Klan wouldn't go awry here either.

 

 

 

Well yes and no. Yes, you should build a little more comfort before you ask her out and look for signs that she is interested in you before you show interest in her. That doesn't mean you need to be ABSOLUTELY sure that she likes you and there's always a chance she could reject you (or say "let's just be friends" if you built too much comfort without showing interest). And even when you do show interest, I think it would be wise to make it a little deeper than "I like you", find something interesting about her or explain why you like being around her.

 

 

 

However, if things don't work out well, immediately move onto the next girl.

 

 

 

^That seems like a good idea, if i weren't hella shy... and trust me, nobody has lower expectations of themselves than i do

 

 

 

Well you're just gonna have to get over that mate ;) . I can already say that you are ahead of some people I know, who seem to think females are a terrifying species and wouldn't dare speak to them.

 

 

 

"I'm shy" is an easy excuse to use when finding a reason not to approach girls. So I'd say stop denying the potential that you have and go meet more girls.

[egg_luvuh]

[hide=]

Egg, I've had the same thing happen to me. I had a crush on a girl and once I danced with her quite a bit at one party (she danced only a bit with other guys, but it was mostly the two of us) and SHE was the one coming to ME. I then made a half-assed approach, rejected and from then on my interest in her was made clear to her and everyone. Not a problem, but it never went anywhere from there. She seemed a LITTLE different and frankly didn't act all comfortable around me, so getting to know her was harder. Eventually I was able to move on from her and forget the silly crush I had. I even danced with her again, but this time with no strings attached (as in, I KNEW that it meant nothing relationship-wise and it was just fun) and it felt a lot different for me.

 

 

 

So, now the question is: is having a girl dancing with you a sign of interest? It might or might not be. Depends a lot on the girl, and depends a lot on your mind. If she knows you already like her then I'd lean towards her just having fun rather than a clear sign of interest.

 

 

 

The problem is she knows that I like her... alot...

 

I haven't read the previous page to keep up with the thread, but this comment [bleep]ed a little interest in me, simply because I've had the same problem so often. I'm not one for keeping secrets, and aren't very good at it even when I do try, so usually when I like a girl, she knows before I manage to ask her out. Sometimes, it still works out okay, but as often as not, it ends up that she'll be a little weirded out by it, and turn a little awkward and stop wanting to hang out with me so much. Now, it's not an overly pronounced difference, but their entire attitude is affected and my chances of going out with them ever drop a good amount. I suppose the best idea is to keep it to yourself until you manage to ask her out, but honestly, that's just personal experience and I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do.

 

 

 

Hmm... Actually, a lil' bit of advice for Klan wouldn't go awry here either.

 

 

 

Well yes and no. Yes, you should build a little more comfort before you ask her out and look for signs that she is interested in you before you show interest in her. That doesn't mean you need to be ABSOLUTELY sure that she likes you and there's always a chance she could reject you (or say "let's just be friends" if you built too much comfort without showing interest). And even when you do show interest, I think it would be wise to make it a little deeper than "I like you", find something interesting about her or explain why you like being around her.

 

 

 

However, if things don't work out well, immediately move onto the next girl.

 

 

 

^That seems like a good idea, if i weren't hella shy... and trust me, nobody has lower expectations of themselves than i do

 

 

 

Well you're just gonna have to get over that mate ;) . I can already say that you are ahead of some people I know, who seem to think females are a terrifying species and wouldn't dare speak to them.

 

 

 

"I'm shy" is an easy excuse to use when finding a reason not to approach girls. So I'd say stop denying the potential that you have and go meet more girls.

[/hide]

 

 

 

Wow thanks guys! I didn't think anyone would care to actually help... Thanks

 

Anyways, I have decided to ask her out on July 4th, at our town we have a big parade then and one of her friends will help me find her then...

[squiggly321]

OK my fellow Tipsters, got quite a pickle for you all.

 

 

 

If anyone remembers my story before the rollback or even on here, keep that in mind.

 

 

 

It happened last night. I was watching Big Brother (I know, I know but nothing else was on!) so I messaged Kat if she was watching. She soon replied she was in the shower and said she is missing it. I messaged back saying 'your not missing out on much, just penis'. She later replied with these questions. 'Who had the biggest and what size?) I then estimated a size and messaged back. (I'M NOT GAY!) She soon replies with 'Wow, you jealous?) 'Nah, no way' I said. She later on messaged me saying 'I need a root', yes, she is very upfront (maybe that's what I love about her). I then laughed and messaged back. She kept going at it and then asked if I had ever done anything with girls before. Being that I'm a virgin, I messaged her back saying nothing as far as sex but I've had my fair share of making out with them. She then proceeds to ask me if I wanted help getting 'a root'. Oh how I love Australia, LOLL. I thought, hmmm may as well, can't be a virgin forever. I soon replied back.

 

 

 

She then messages back saying that she is offering sex to me. Being my best mate, I was weirded out and ask a few questions about it. 'Everyone does it' she replied. 'Hmmm can I think about it?', 'Yeah sure, let me know when you make a decision, xxoo.' Ooook, hmmmm. I'm thinking about this even at this point, still haven't made up my mind. If I take it, could it wreck my relationship with her? Being that I'm a virgin and she isn't, could I not perform to her standards? It's only sex?

 

 

 

These are the three main things going through my head at the moment. So I bring it you guys;

 

 

 

What should I do?

 

 

 

Thanks for reading my long post!

[Mercifull]

Wth is "root" slang for? I'm totally not down with the kidspeak anymore :(

[Ginger_Warrior]

Wth is "root" slang for? I'm totally not down with the kidspeak anymore :(

 

A quick search of Urbandictionary would have saved the need for this post:

 

root

 

 

 

1. Australian slang for sexual intercourse

 

I would write out an in-depth analysis of what I think, but I frankly can't be bothered. I'm honest like that.

 

 

 

However, if you're stupid, you'll go and have sex with her. If you're wise and want the friendship to last, you won't, for that very reason.

 

 

 

The way you describe her, she's desperate for it. No offence, but that's the reason she's come to you here. Otherwise, she'd ask you out instead of only asking for sex.

 

 

 

I personally wouldn't touch this with a ten-foot barge poll. Her attitude is all wrong.

[Solidus_77]

I prefer to take a more objective standpoint here: on one side there's sex on the other there's no sex. Make your choice :lol:

 

 

 

JK, I can see here attitude can seem questionable but if you like flirtatious and open then that's exactly what you've got. I'm not to interested in debating the morals of sex vs friendship what does bother me, however, is:

 

 

 

'Everyone does it'

 

 

 

Now that is not a good reason to have sex. I may have questionable morals about relationships, but there's something that I never approve of and that's peer pressure. That combined with her insistent nature seems to imply that she's doing it for the sake of the social ladder (which is generally associated with people who've never had sex before).

[squiggly321]

I prefer to take a more objective standpoint here: on one side there's sex on the other there's no sex. Make your choice :lol:

 

 

 

JK, I can see here attitude can seem questionable but if you like flirtatious and open then that's exactly what you've got. I'm not to interested in debating the morals of sex vs friendship what does bother me, however, is:

 

 

 

'Everyone does it'

 

 

 

Now that is not a good reason to have sex. I may have questionable morals about relationships, but there's something that I never approve of and that's peer pressure. That combined with her insistent nature seems to imply that she's doing it for the sake of the social ladder (which is generally associated with people who've never had sex before).

 

 

 

The main thing on my mind at the moment is that I've liked her for a long time and for her to say that, really plays on my mind, A LOT.

 

 

 

I'm starting to think in the direction you gave me, not to take it. Might ask her out since if she's willing to say such things, maybe there's the chance she will say yes.

 

 

 

Thanks for advice Ginger and Solidus, much is appreciated.

[IGoddessI]

Okay let's get some pro's and con's happening... I'll try for 5 each side so it's not completely biased. By the way don't dis big brother, it's quite fun predicting every word and move :lol:

 

 

 

Cons

 

 

 

As a friend of many females who told me they lost their virginity at young ages not to people they loved... All regretted it.

 

 

 

You say you've liked her for a long time. What if you had sex with her, that's all she wanted from you and you've now become emotionally attached?

 

 

 

If she has herpes you can still catch it, with or without a condom. Is it worth it?

 

 

 

You might suck at your first time and destroy your social reputation anyway.

 

 

 

Everyone's doing it is a crap excuse. "Oh I'm too stupid to make a decision myself"

 

 

 

Pros

 

 

 

Maybe she might develop an emotional attachment to you through having sex. Whether this is shallow or not is your decision.

 

 

 

What if you're really good at your first time and she brags about it to all her friends? You get a good social reputation.. For now.

 

 

 

Maybe she's on the pill and has had a blood test to show no signs of nitty grittys.

 

 

 

It might make your relationship stronger but not in a boyfriend/girlfriend way - Will it last though?

 

 

 

You might have the time of your life and not care what happens anyway.

 

 

 

--

 

 

 

I agree with your current thoughts. Knock it back and ask her out as your girlfriend, once the two of you can happily say you love each other and have been with each other for a reasonable amount of time, be safe and enjoy it.

 

 

 

If she says no, pft was it really any loss? If she takes anything out of context and tries to say how scared you were or anything, just let everybody know how stupid she really is. HEY LETS DO HEROIN! jk

 

 

 

Seriously.. How many decent men out there would date a chick who screwed around with anything on two legs at her age because it was the "in thing to do"?

[klankaos]

Seriously.. How many decent men out there would date a chick who screwed around with anything on two legs at her age because it was the "in thing to do"?

 

 

 

None of the decent ones would. Unfortunately, many girls are often uninterested in the decent guys, because they all like the jocks who pressure them into having sex within days of starting a relationship, and are only in it for the sex. Why they like these types of guys is a mystery to me. However, as I've seen much about the 'sensitive jerk' in this thread, it's unfortunate that at a young age, girls only often want the jerk side, and haven't progressed far enough emotionally to want the sensitive side yet. It also doesn't help that many of the jerks are the 'cool' kids, or the jocks, or the popular crowd.

 

 

 

There are a good number of men who would date a chick who screwed around because it was the 'in' thing, but none of them are decent. :wall:

[IGoddessI]

I'm the jerk in this relationship :lol:

[squiggly321]

Thanks for the the advice Goddess. Really gives me some things to think about.

 

 

 

Still not sure what to do, the pro's and con's don't really give me a definite answer.

 

 

 

EDIT: Also, to anyone who read my post, I did not say 'Everybody does it'. She did. Just to clear things up.

[____]

Seriously.. How many decent men out there would date a chick who screwed around with anything on two legs at her age because it was the "in thing to do"?

 

To be honest, my relationship with Heidy broke down because of some of her FWB's not being able to let go and back away once she and I were in a relationship. So I can easily say... if I was in situation of "she's sleeping around" I'd back away... quickly. It's not just her attitude you'd have to deal with, it'd be with guys who only keep in touch for sex later on.

[Tim]

 

None of the decent ones would. Unfortunately, many girls are often uninterested in the decent guys, because they all like the jocks who pressure them into having sex within days of starting a relationship, and are only in it for the sex. Why they like these types of guys is a mystery to me. However, as I've seen much about the 'sensitive jerk' in this thread, it's unfortunate that at a young age, girls only often want the jerk side, and haven't progressed far enough emotionally to want the sensitive side yet. It also doesn't help that many of the jerks are the 'cool' kids, or the jocks, or the popular crowd.

 

 

 

 

unfortunatly this is EXACTLY why im still single 1 year later, i can say with a straight face: it sucks harder then gravity. :(

[IGoddessI]

Still not sure what to do, the pro's and con's don't really give me a definite answer.

 

 

 

I'm assuming you're stuck on a decision because rational thinking < feelings for her.

 

 

 

If those feelings aren't being reciprocated by her, you'll end up being broken hearted and in the long run you don't have a good shot at staying friends. As Rick noted, not many guys will stick around. And when she finds the right guy and says "Bugger off", you won't be around any longer.

 

 

 

If you're happy for a temporary shot, only to be shot down in the long run, go ahead and learn the lesson.

 

 

 

Once bitten, you probably won't go back. I don't mind, they're your feelings not mine :D

[Ginger_Warrior]

unfortunatly this is EXACTLY why im still single 1 year later, i can say with a straight face: it sucks harder then gravity. :(

 

Technically gravity doesn't actually suck.

 

 

 

Anyway, I think by saying that you're not really being yourselves. If you're so non-judgemental and not-jock-ish then you'd understand that not all girls are like that, and just as there are a few guys such yourselves who are comparatively mature against people of your own age, there are also girls who are comparatively mature compared to most of their counterparts. Just as much as you're sitting here saying, "All girls go for jock guys", they're sitting somewhere else thinking, "All guys go for cheerleaders".

[Sumpta]

[Response to squiggly321's dilemma]

 

Don't. Just don't. There's just no winning this one. Try to visualise the event... before, during, but especially after. I'm talking about taking your socks off and putting them on again and all. No kidding, try to picture it all. Sex, even if it's just for the sake of it, is very intimate. Does it feel right?

 

 

 

Speaking from my own experience, if you do have sex with her:

 

- and it's mind-boggling: you'll be akward together, because of the questions popping up even as you're both still gasping for breath... should it become more, yes or no? And if you do end up together, you'll always be stuck with that akward start to your relationship.

 

- it's okay, just okay: your friendship will be akward, one way or another. You will have had sex without the feelings, or one-sided feelings and that's just... well... akward.

 

- it's bad: akward, akward, akward.

 

 

 

You see, in the end, it will wind up being all the same. I need not repeat the key word, methinks. There's this song by a Belgian group called "Sex verandert alles": sex changes everything. It's true.

 

 

 

Do it if you like dealing with consequences after rather than before, don't if you'd like a future with this girl, be it as a friend or a boyfriend.

[IGoddessI]

unfortunatly this is EXACTLY why im still single 1 year later, i can say with a straight face: it sucks harder then gravity. :(

 

Technically gravity doesn't actually suck.

 

 

 

Anyway, I think by saying that you're not really being yourselves. If you're so non-judgemental and not-jock-ish then you'd understand that not all girls are like that, and just as there are a few guys such yourselves who are comparatively mature against people of your own age, there are also girls who are comparatively mature compared to most of their counterparts. Just as much as you're sitting here saying, "All girls go for jock guys", they're sitting somewhere else thinking, "All guys go for cheerleaders".

 

 

 

My babies father definitely isn't a jock :? so you have a good point.

 

 

 

Never had a problem with getting attention from Jocks. I've previously dated the Northern Territory state rugby captain, a trainee for the Brisbane Lions AFL if you want to get technical but honestly, they're no good for marriage material. Not even close.

 

 

 

There are plenty of women out there who like your type of personality, the problem is your maturity level for your age is higher than the girls you're looking at. I find people with your personality end up dating older women so perhaps you're looking in the wrong places.

 

 

 

Try finding someone with a similar or higher IQ, you'll probably have better chances with your personality type.

[Solidus_77]

 

None of the decent ones would. Unfortunately, many girls are often uninterested in the decent guys, because they all like the jocks who pressure them into having sex within days of starting a relationship, and are only in it for the sex. Why they like these types of guys is a mystery to me. However, as I've seen much about the 'sensitive jerk' in this thread, it's unfortunate that at a young age, girls only often want the jerk side, and haven't progressed far enough emotionally to want the sensitive side yet. It also doesn't help that many of the jerks are the 'cool' kids, or the jocks, or the popular crowd.

 

 

 

 

I think you should put things in perspective here before tossing stereotypes around, I did and thus figured out why girls are attracted to these "jerks". So now I've got two stories to tell: One concerning the so-called "jerks", the other about the reason why girls find them attractive.

 

 

 

I never felt part of the "popular kids" (referred to the guys there as "jerks" as you do) and I'm sure a majority of this forum can relate to that, but then things got interesting: At the end of my junior year, as I was starting to be more outgoing. I went to an amusement park with 4 other kids. All of which were probably considered some of the most popular kids in school. One of which I was on pretty bad terms with too. Since amusement parks = long-as-hell queues they ended up talking a lot. Then they started to introduce me into the conversation, first asking why they never see me around at social events and relating to my video game pastime, I relate to their TV shows and we talk in the same way that I talk to good friends of mine. The more I talked, the more I felt comfortable and socially accepted around them. Even the guy who I was on bad terms with, it turns out that as long as I can stop being defensive and insecure, he's really fun to be around. So either I'm living in some sort of parallel universe, or a lot of the guys that you label as jerks are actually really decent people but you haven't taken the trouble of getting to know them (this goes for girls too, not all girls are shallow just because they fall for a jerk). If you'd like to become a social person (and thus meet loads of girls and have a LOT more fun around people), stop labeling people as jerks and try to get to know them. The popular kids got popular through their social skills, so could it be possible that you undervalued them? The only way to know is with through practice, open mind attitude and making people feel comfortable around you.

 

 

 

Now, about girls. Actually about this same guy that I use to be on bad terms with, well eventually with the new school year the upper-classmen all went to an activity place to do all sorts of stuff (the example in this case is basket ball). Now this guy and I both happened to be on the same team for the mini-basketball. He's an experienced player and I can't aim for [cabbage], yet he was the one encouraging me all along, giving me shots (I did dunking, which was so fun) and so I gave it all I had, running up and down and the two of us ran the team. This not only showed me how this guy was better than just "decent guy" and NOT, as I previously thought, a jerk but also gave me an opportunity to see where he had this strange charm that girls loved. Whilst he was chosen to be ref for one game, I noticed how he was running his own comedic commentary about the game, flirting with and occasionally teasing the girls (that's what they call Cocky & Funny). And they laughed back and showed other signs of interest. But why? was it because he was a jerk? No, and this is where the misconception ends: They were showing a response because of other qualities: His sense of humor (he made good jokes on the spot), his leadership and his confidence (someone who can tease all the girls like that sure has confidence, and they know it!). Now it should be noted that he had a crush on none of these girls, he was just having fun and so were they. I remember hearing someone say (on an internet forum) "OMG it's rude to flirt with a girl like that". Trust me, it isn't. I've done it many times and gotten such positive responses too.

 

 

 

So here's the problem, you said:

 

 

 

Why they like these types of guys is a mystery to me. However, as I've seen much about the 'sensitive jerk' in this thread, it's unfortunate that at a young age, girls only often want the jerk side, and haven't progressed far enough emotionally to want the sensitive side yet.

 

 

 

Perhaps my stories have helped solve the mystery, but I've bolded the part of the text because I think that you totally miss the point (and this is the part where I'm very blunt). You're (and dark aura as well, both of you are) claiming that:

 

 

 

1) these guys are jerks. However I don't think you know them well enough to come to that conclusion and I suspect that they are similar to the "jerks" in my story.

 

 

 

2) "the girls are not emotionally developed enough" which is pretty condescending on your part. (Who are you to judge their emotional development?) and flat out wrong. The girls simply don't show their "emotional" side because they are not comfortable around you. They are comfortable around a guy who is confident, funny and leader who is considered a "jerk" by people like you.

 

 

 

I'm not going to judge you any longer, but honestly you (and dark aura who felt the same way) should ask yourself:

 

 

 

1. Do you know these guys well enough to call them "jerks"?

 

2. Have you been around them and talked to them in a totally comfortable way and made them feel comfortable around you?

 

3. Do you know these girls well enough to call them "emotionally undeveloped? (remember, girls tend to be considered "emotional beings")

 

4. Have you ever been around them and talked to them in a totally comfortable way and made them feel comfortable around you?

 

5. Do you have an open mind when you engage in conversation with any of these people?

 

6. Do you look down upon these people, do you envy them or are you apathetic?

 

7. Do you enjoy being around these people? Why or why not?

 

 

 

Those were all rhetorical questions, but here's one that is addressed to all guys who are not part of "the cool kids", who are labeled as "unpopular" or label other people as "jerks" but welcome to anyone for input:

 

 

 

If given the chance, would you like to become one of the people at the top of the social ladder?

 

 

 

Perhaps now we can get rid of pathetic stereotypes and labels once and for all.

[Giordano]

Sodious, you can't give an example with a few people and expect to end the steryotype. Those people you met sound like fine people, but you must realise there are folks that really ARE 'jerks'. They let you go with them to that amusment park, true 'jerks' won't even go to that point with people such as I, nerds so to speak.

 

 

 

But you do have a point, if people get insulted by that ref-guy cracking some jokes on the field then they are pretty whiny.

[Faux]

I'm still not used to the free time I have now since my ex and I broke up. I find myself so bored more often now even with other people. Oh man.

[IGoddessI]

Sounds like you need a best friend become more involved with your friends and the gap will be easier to fill once they introduce you to someone you can really relate to.

[Faux]

lol, no. I don't have a problem with it. I was just saying it's a different feeling. People don't understand how good they have it to be single sometimes. Last thing I want is another drain of my time :lol:

[IGoddessI]

I see what you're saying now your post can be taken two ways but it was the latter of the two I chose to flow with.

 

 

 

Sorry to hear about your drain of time hopefully in time you will find someone worth every second of your time ;)

[BlueLancer]

Ehh.. I don't usually post in these threads, but...

 

 

 

Just yesterday I was hanging out in an amusement park with my friends, and one of them is this girl who kept pestering me to come with them, I've known her for quite some time, going by her initials I'll say she's L.

 

 

 

After going to a *sick* ride which also went upside-down multiple times, each one of us thought it's best to take a break. The nausea level was sky-high :lol:

 

 

 

But I noticed L was feeling really bad, and about to puke because of the last ride. So I crouched down to her and said if I should go get her a paper pag or something. But before I got to finish my sentence, she puked an awful load on the ground, and she *kissed me*.

 

 

 

WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES THAT?? Ok, first of all, that must be one of the worst kisses ever. Second, it was way too random. I just thought she's a friend. It tasted like burning god-awful rotten lava from hell. She could've at least chewed on a bubblegum or drank something first. Screw offering sincere help.