"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Sumpta]

I'm not suggesting becoming a lap-dog and whenever someone else goes "jump" you say "how high?". Yes I'll crack the odd teasing comment with someone who I know won't take it personally, but just as a piece of friendly banter. However, I do that with all those that trust me that way, not necessarily those I want a relationship with. I'm just being myself. I don't understand how it is necessary at all to change your persona to make yourself more attractive to someone else, or even how anyone can think such a thing is a wise thing to do.

 

 

 

I'm not getting into the whole of this discussion -I remember seeing it passing here before- but I would like to give a small comment here as I am guilty of being another sucker for the sensitive jerk/Mr. Darcy-type. This may very well sound childish, but many women long to feel like the one and only, someone special. A nice guy will be nice to everybody, seemingly making no distinction for his girlfriend. But to have the love and cuddles of an arrogant jerk, means you're special in a way. You hold the privilege of his nice behaviour.

 

 

 

Obviously, every girl should be aware that this is a way of thinking that one should be conscious of and really not take too far, but that's the gist of the attraction of a Mr. Darcy, a Heathcliff, and so on. On the bright side, many of the girls who swoon for the bad guy in books and films, soon learn to detest them in real life and do wind up with a nice guy, while the bad boys wander off all alone to repent their mistakes (well, no, but one can hope).

[Solidus_77]

First of all Goddess I must say I'm really enjoying this discussion, it's pretty interesting stuff and I think I have a better understanding of what it means to be yourself.

 

 

 

A few comments I have:

 

 

 

Not to be petty and anal but in future when you're referring to something with a solid foundation I'm going to think you're talking about an experience you had.

 

 

 

Alright fine. Experience is the better word since I don't have concrete proof of the matter.

 

 

 

Shy guys can attract women easily. Agreed, not as easily as someone with confidence but they have decided that is who they are in this point in time. If they want to be confident, they will learn to be confident, they would evolve. This evolve that takes place, is still being yourself.

 

 

 

Now that's interesting. So it is possible to change and still remain true to yourself.

 

 

 

I find myself an attractive woman who has never had trouble getting any attention from socially favorable men. Admittedly at your age Solidus (may I ask your real name?), I did enjoy those kind of guys, I wouldn't look twice at a nerd.

 

 

 

I came to discover through personal experience, they (men more socially liked by women) were very shallow people and definitely didn't make husband material as I grew older. I couldn't see a future with those types of people and I was at a different stage in life.

 

 

 

I guess there is some truth in that. I won't dive into specifics but PUA stuff tends to focus on the moment now rather than the future husband/wife. Well to each his own.

 

 

 

Oh and you can call me Will :

 

 

 

Now something I found very funny, is a show I just finished watching on Dr Phil. He was actually critiquing the use of PUA today. By the end of the show he asked women and men to raise their hands if they found the use of the system acceptable. One person raised their hand. This person was a younger girl.

 

 

 

Is this it?

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNAi1Lso1IU

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwB2xMFv ... re=related

 

 

 

As for only the younger girl raising her hand? Heh, not surprising. Society has a habit of disliking "players". Reminds me of an interview of "The Pickup Artist" (a TV reality show). At the end of the interview this bald (one of the three interviewers) suddenly states that he found the pickup artists incredibly disturbing, thought they needed a haircut/shave and said "Don't ever go double dating with these guys you will never get a girl". The female interviewer also added "I dunno, it wouldn't work on me but hey, that's just me". Shows you what society thinks of PUAs :lol: (and these guys were highly respected PUAs with a long list of successes).

 

 

 

Ginger is by far one of the most mature headed guys I have talked to for someone of his age. I have suspicions that is the reason he and I are on similar wave lengths.

 

 

 

Perhaps age and mental age has a lot to do with this. An older audience and someone with a higher mental age has a much more different perception than the current one you value.

 

 

 

Yeah, I've seen a lot of similarities in how you both approach a problem and try to figure out the what the person is really thinking.

 

 

 

Age could very well be a factor, I'll see what happens as I get older.

 

 

 

Being yourself is a concept of personality that evolved from many stimuli. Meaning, it is multifaceted and still learns to better itself.

 

 

 

Ah! So not only is it possible to change and "be yourself" but one leads to the other.

[IGoddessI]

Thanks Will (I'm Mel if you haven't already guessed..) that would most definitely be the show I watched yesterday. I just thought it was funny because it came on just as I started to begin my post (I lol'd for real). The funny part being a lot of that stuff used to work on me when I was younger, I was a sucker for it. As I wised up, wouldn't have a bar of it. The first time it ever worked on me in a club like the show, was a guy who asked me to buy him a drink. At the time I was like "Uh what... normally you would buy me a drink but okay then...". These days I would have bought him a drink of water for free and told him to sober up while walking away :lol:

 

 

 

From experiences with it myself at your age I've come to believe it can be beneficial for genuine people to better themselves with a few things or abused by very, very many and get them laid or to hurt women to feel better about themselves.

 

 

 

I would have no problem with a guy using it to hook, line and sinker to get the girl of your dreams but using it as an unfair advantage is disgusting to me.

 

 

 

I don't think a person changes to the system, I don't believe in systems. I believe in a few traits people admire and better themselves by applying it to their personality for the better and unfortunately, also sometimes for the worst.

 

 

 

A bit like reading a motivational or psychology book. I've read a lot in my time and have altered my life in many ways as well. They aren't systems or things I refer to, rather bettering yourself and being your best self as I think you've said somewhere.

 

 

 

But yeah.. I believe age has something to do with it. I don't believe it would work on very many women wanting to settle down (What would they be doing at a bar in the first place looking for mr. right...)

[Solidus_77]

Thanks Will (I'm Mel if you haven't already guessed..) that would most definitely be the show I watched yesterday. I just thought it was funny because it came on just as I started to begin my post (I lol'd for real). The funny part being a lot of that stuff used to work on me when I was younger, I was a sucker for it. As I wised up, wouldn't have a bar of it. The first time it ever worked on me in a club like the show, was a guy who asked me to buy him a drink. At the time I was like "Uh what... normally you would buy me a drink but okay then...". These days I would have bought him a drink of water for free and told him to sober up while walking away :lol:

 

 

 

Nice to meet you Mel. Heh, I would actually want that as a bartender. Often times I'll spend a night out without having a sip of alcohol (I prefer to spend my time on the dance floor or getting to meet interesting women rather than getting totally smashed) and when I ask for a glass of water they give me a funny look like I must be totally out of my mind for asking for anything but an alcoholic beverage.

 

 

 

Btw since I'm currently on vacation I spent some time looking at other Dr Phil shows. The one that caught my interest was "Out of control male egos" showing two males that see themselves at the center of their universe. The first one was just a ego-freak who shows off his various assets and sells freaking action figures of himself :lol: , the second one was more interesting. He clearly understood pickup artist stuff and practiced it but in a different way. More blunt, less connection.

 

 

 

From experiences with it myself at your age I've come to believe it can be beneficial for genuine people to better themselves with a few things or abused by very, very many and get them laid or to hurt women to feel better about themselves.

 

 

 

I would have no problem with a guy using it to hook, line and sinker to get the girl of your dreams but using it as an unfair advantage is disgusting to me.

 

 

 

I don't think a person changes to the system, I don't believe in systems. I believe in a few traits people admire and better themselves by applying it to their personality for the better and unfortunately, also sometimes for the worst.

 

 

 

A bit like reading a motivational or psychology book. I've read a lot in my time and have altered my life in many ways as well. They aren't systems or things I refer to, rather bettering yourself and being your best self as I think you've said somewhere.

 

 

 

That's fair enough. So what would you consider to be an "unfair advantage"?

 

 

 

I also feel a bit the same about "the system", for me it just doesn't work to memorize a system, you need some basic tools at your disposal (openers, lines, tips on how to touch a girl) but eventually you have to build your OWN "method" that is unique to you. You know (and the guys interviewed at the Dr Phil show did a pretty good job at expressing this), a lot of the PUA stuff is geared towards calibration and seeing what works and what doesn't on the field. Guys who just read the stuff learn thousands of "lines" but those serve no use to them. The advice they give brings the horse as close to water but doesn't make the horse drink.

 

 

 

Remember when I was asking about how I was insecure about touch? I've been focusing on that these past few months starting off with just a few technical tips which helped but it was only after practice, experience and trial & error which has lead me to learn how to read body language MUCH better and learn basically how to touch a girl. Since then I've been able to do all sorts of things. And learned how asking for a specific method or system just doesn't work.

 

 

 

But yes, I believe age has something to do with it. I couldn't imagine a woman wanting to settle down, being swept off her feet from bar tactics (but who knows!).

 

 

 

I don't think "bar" tactics would be the best word, that's just one of the many places to meet women (and not even the best, apparently). In fact "tactics" might be a bit off too since it's honestly so much more.

[IGoddessI]

Unfair advantage - Using a girl who is genuinely interested in you for self gain.

 

 

 

I don't think "bar" tactics would be the best word, that's just one of the many places to meet women (and not even the best, apparently). In fact "tactics" might be a bit off too since it's honestly so much more.

 

 

 

Yeah I changed that at the last second but then realised you posted.

 

 

 

While there are stories I have heard about women meeting the man of their dreams at the bar, they weren't intentionally looking either.

 

 

 

This isn't to say it has never happened. I just think it would be against odds rather than in favour of.

[Solidus_77]

Unfair advantage - Using a girl who is genuinely interested in you for self gain.

 

 

 

Ah yes. That's pretty insensitive and clearly not something I would condone.

 

 

 

Yeah I changed that at the last second but then realised you posted.

 

 

 

While there are stories I have heard about women meeting the man of their dreams at the bar, they weren't intentionally looking either.

 

 

 

This isn't to say it has never happened. I just think it would be against odds rather than in favour of.

 

 

 

That makes sense.. That's why I've considered approaching women at places other than clubs/bars. So far I do it if it feels "right", but ideally I'm looking at meeting girls at places like sports gyms or activities that I'm interested in which is pretty different from the club/bar atmosphere.

[Hellisforheroes]

 

That makes sense.. That's why I've considered approaching women at places other than clubs/bars. So far I do it if it feels "right", but ideally I'm looking at meeting girls at places like sports gyms or activities that I'm interested in which is pretty different from the club/bar atmosphere.

 

 

 

The key issue is gaining enough confidence to approach a woman. Any woman will tell you, confidence is the most important aspect in a man approaching them. A girl looks for strength, pride, virtue, all of which can be reflected by showing that your confident and able to approach them.

 

 

 

By being confident they will relax, just remember, they go to the toilet just as you do, the're human too.

 

 

 

 

 

(To be fair though, I've been in a long term relationship for a while, so I'm probably making it sound easy when its actually very difficult!!)

[Solidus_77]

 

That makes sense.. That's why I've considered approaching women at places other than clubs/bars. So far I do it if it feels "right", but ideally I'm looking at meeting girls at places like sports gyms or activities that I'm interested in which is pretty different from the club/bar atmosphere.

 

 

 

The key issue is gaining enough confidence to approach a woman. Any woman will tell you, confidence is the most important aspect in a man approaching them. A girl looks for strength, pride, virtue, all of which can be reflected by showing that your confident and able to approach them.

 

 

 

By being confident they will relax, just remember, they go to the toilet just as you do, the're human too.

 

 

 

 

 

(To be fair though, I've been in a long term relationship for a while, so I'm probably making it sound easy when its actually very difficult!!)

 

 

 

You're sort of preaching to the choir here :lol: . I know all the techniques all too well. I practice them every time I go to clubs/bars and other special events. I don't have the same "comfort" when I'm on public transportation or just in the street which is exactly why I'm trying to approach more so that I can get use to it. It's a lack of experience in that area but not a lack of technique.

[howyoudoin]

Do anyone know why some girls just avoids answering some questions?

[Sumpta]

Do anyone know why some girls just avoids answering some questions?

 

 

 

Because they don't want you to know the answer, and they may have a great deal of possible reasons. You'll have to be more specific, I'm afraid :.

[howyoudoin]

Do anyone know why some girls just avoids answering some questions?

 

 

 

Because they don't want you to know the answer, and they may have a great deal of possible reasons. You'll have to be more specific, I'm afraid :.

 

 

 

:oops: Sorry. I should of explained it better.

 

 

 

We would be talking about this or that and I would ask her a question(e.g Do you still play guitar)- ones that she would know the answer to - but she either stops talking to me or gives me an answer nothing to do with the question.

 

(BTW we would be texting)

[IGoddessI]

She obviously doesn't think it's important to talk about so skips to whatever it is she wants to talk about.

 

 

 

Solution - Ring instead of texting if it's so important to know the answer :thumbup:

[howyoudoin]

She obviously doesn't think it's important to talk about so skips to whatever it is she wants to talk about.

 

 

 

Solution - Ring instead of texting if it's so important to know the answer :thumbup:

 

I would but you have no idea how much it costs to call a mobile in the US(I live in Ireland), and when I do ring her we usually talk about other stuff.

 

The time difference don't help as well(6 hours behind me)

 

(It's not ment to sound that I'm that cheap)

[Sumpta]

Do anyone know why some girls just avoids answering some questions?

 

 

 

Because they don't want you to know the answer, and they may have a great deal of possible reasons. You'll have to be more specific, I'm afraid :.

 

 

 

:oops: Sorry. I should of explained it better.

 

 

 

We would be talking about this or that and I would ask her a question(e.g Do you still play guitar)- ones that she would know the answer to - but she either stops talking to me or gives me an answer nothing to do with the question.

 

(BTW we would be texting)

 

 

 

Hmm. Well, there are a lot of variables here.

 

First of all, there's the texting, which, just like emails, makes it oh so easy to avoid to answer or forget to answer. It's impersonal... it's so much harder to avoid a question when it's asked in person.

 

Second of all, there are questions and there are questions. Not answering if you play the guitar is probably quite innocent. She forgot to answer, or thought of something else she wanted to send. But there are other questions as well, such as "can I see you tonight?". No answer to such a question *might* mean more.

 

Third, there's your relationship. Is she a close friend or an acquantaince, what's her character, your character,...? Has something already been going on, or not?

 

 

 

Since you're posting this on this thread, I'm guessing you're interested in her. Now, instead of trying to analyse her texts and focus too much on every word she writes, better just enjoy the contact with her and get to know her. The distance is a problem... it'll be hard getting straight answers through texts.

[howyoudoin]

Third, there's your relationship. Is she a close friend or an acquantaince, what's her character, your character,...? Has something already been going on, or not?

 

 

 

Since you're posting this on this thread, I'm guessing you're interested in her. Now, instead of trying to analyse her texts and focus too much on every word she writes, better just enjoy the contact with her and get to know her. The distance is a problem... it'll be hard getting straight answers through texts.

 

 

 

First of all I know nothing is ever going to happen in the boyfriend/girlfriend way.

 

We have been talking for over two years and we have grown close(mainly talking over MSN or Myspace).

 

I do enjoy knowing and talking to her but there is time when I sometimes get the feeling(don't ask me how) that she isn't ok. But if I ever ask her is she ok she always says yes.

 

I have been getting this ever since last August. I have kinda seen a change in her toward me since August(2007). I think this is because she(and her family) was ment to visit me last August but something happened that I couldn't get out of and she shouldn't come over then. Since then they have been saying they were coming over in X but for some reason they kept putting it off. Now it's in August sometime. So the only time we have every seen each other was in pictures or cam over MSN(before you think/say anything, nothing was done over that cam in that way.)

 

If anything I think she is doing this because she can't fully trust me because she has been hurt a few times before and is trying not to get hurt again. But at the same time she still confides a few things in me.

 

 

 

(sorry if it don't make too much sence, if so tell me and I will try clear it up)

 

(also I hope I'm making this out of nothing and it's just my mind running wild.)

[IGoddessI]

So instead of getting so worked up over it do something about it??

 

 

 

How hard is it to say "Hey last message I asked a question that I was really wanting to know, I'll ask it again incase you missed it."

 

 

 

If she still doesn't reply then get over it stop messaging her! People aren't always going to respond how you want them to and if after all this time she still does it everytime you mention it, why are you wasting your time?

 

 

 

Also, don't expect things. When you expect things and then you don't get what you're expecting, things don't go very well for you. Your emotions are felt stronger than necessary.

 

 

 

She fails to tell you about her guitar playing so now she automatically doesn't feel safe disclosing information to you?? Please, read between the lines.. You're a little obsessive and you've already decided the answer to your own question...

 

 

 

So in all honesty why are you really here? What is the real problem?

[Ginger_Warrior]

I see a pattern here.

 

 

 

A relationship involves a personal attachment between two people. There's a quote from Captain Obvious. Can't you see the problem? The trouble is you're trying to achieve that using impersonal forms of communication such as texting, email and MSN Messenger. Phoning someone, or talking to them in person (obviously impossible in this situation) are forms of personal communication.

 

 

 

So you're trying to make the communication you have with this girl personal by reading into the meaning of every single word she writes, only you're doing it so much you've worked yourself into:

 

 

 

A) An obsession, and;

 

B) A paranoia that what she's saying isn't quite genuine.

 

 

 

A solution to this is simple: Ask yourself, "Does it really matter if she tells me whether she plays guitar or not?". If so, then persist in asking (although don't come whining back to us when she starts getting a little bit more defensive about the information she gives you). If not, let it drop and the conversation between the two of you flow.

 

 

 

If you can't have personal communication with this girl, I realise this is tough but, hard luck (although I am sat here thinking 'Skype?'). Are you going to waste bucket loads of money phoning her, or wait years until you can afford to meet up trans-Atlantic? There's plenty of other girls like her who you'll get along with just as well, if you just let go if this apparent fixation over this one girl you've never even met.

[IGoddessI]

Very well said =D>

[howyoudoin]

Ok then yes I am making something out of nothing.

 

Thanks

[egg_luvuh]

I need some help finding out if a girl likes me. I have been talking to her for about two weeks, in person and on facebook. The stuff we talk about is stuff friends would talk about, like how our days were and whatnot.

 

Normally I would think that we are just friends, but about a month ago there was an end of the year dance (sort of like a graduation from 8th to 9th grade, but fun) and we had danced (this was before i knew her). I am pretty sure that I was the only person she had danced with that night also... Please help! I really like her and I need someones honest oppinion!

[IGoddessI]

Ask her what she thought of the dance and why she chose you. If it feels good, take it from there. She could surprise you and give you obvious hints that she likes you more than a friend. Don't get your hopes up though, expectations that aren't met only disappoint you :

[egg_luvuh]

Ask her what she thought of the dance and why she chose you. If it feels good, take it from there. She could surprise you and give you obvious hints that she likes you more than a friend. Don't get your hopes up though, expectations that aren't met only disappoint you :

 

 

 

 

 

^That seems like a good idea, if i weren't hella shy... and trust me, nobody has lower expectations of themselves than i do :

[IGoddessI]

There's no reason to be shy. Imagine if she asked you why you chose her to dance (if the situation had been the other way around). You probably wouldn't think too much in to it, it could be a perfectly, harmless question to cure curiosity. What's the worst that could happen? She might ask you why you want to know, to which you would reply... "just curious".

[egg_luvuh]

There's no reason to be shy. Imagine if she asked you why you chose her to dance (if the situation had been the other way around). You probably wouldn't think too much in to it, it could be a perfectly, harmless question to cure curiosity. What's the worst that could happen? She might ask you why you want to know, to which you would reply... "just curious".

 

The problem is she knows that I like her... alot... (damn i need new friends)... I might as well try it though, its summer, and with any luck she will have forgotten about me asking by the time school gets back :mrgreen:

[klankaos]

The problem is she knows that I like her... alot...

 

I haven't read the previous page to keep up with the thread, but this comment [bleep]ed a little interest in me, simply because I've had the same problem so often. I'm not one for keeping secrets, and aren't very good at it even when I do try, so usually when I like a girl, she knows before I manage to ask her out. Sometimes, it still works out okay, but as often as not, it ends up that she'll be a little weirded out by it, and turn a little awkward and stop wanting to hang out with me so much. Now, it's not an overly pronounced difference, but their entire attitude is affected and my chances of going out with them ever drop a good amount. I suppose the best idea is to keep it to yourself until you manage to ask her out, but honestly, that's just personal experience and I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do.

 

 

 

Hmm... Actually, a lil' bit of advice for Klan wouldn't go awry here either.