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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios

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Hmm...I'm in an interesting dilemma at the moment.

 

 

 

There's this girl that I'm moderately good friends, but not quite best friends: we'll say hi to each other every time we see each other, but never really have long conversations. Lately, I've become more attracted to her than before. I had always thought she had a great personality, and now I'm beginning to be more physically attracted to her. Now the dilemma is the different..... how would you say..... social classes involved. She's literally the most popular girl in the school, and while I'm not too bad off myself, I'm on a different tier than her.

 

 

 

Now I know most people are thinking "Get some self-confidence!" or "No risk no gain!", but that's not what the problem is. I already plan on asking her out eventually, I'm just looking for some advice on how to lead up to asking her out. :pray:

 

 

 

I really can't stand when people think social standings matter. I've seen some really geeky guys with some really hot girls before. It happens all the time. Social stature has nothing to do with it, and if you think it does...then you may not be mature enough for an actual relationship.

 

 

 

How exactly can you tell if a girl is interested in you are not, there's this girl in my archaeology class that i really like,but i also think she likes me, we sit next to each other in the class room, and yesterday when we had pair work to do, we got each other as a pair, also when I'm doing my work i kept seeing in the glance of my eye, her head turned towards me, whether it was to me or the person sat beside me I'll never know. Also when i was in the library doing some work, there loads of empty spaces but she sat next to me, to do her work,

 

what do you make of that?

 

 

 

Well, I'm not there to really judge it, and every girl has their own way of showing interest...but my guess is, yes she's into you. And well if she isn't...its not like you really lost anything. So, ask her out and see where it goes :wink:

 

 

 

The "honey moon" period doesn't last for a life time, trust me

 

 

 

For most after a few years, it becomes a debate whose turn it is to go on top, yet alone gazing, longingly in to each others eyes

 

 

 

umm...huh?

 

(Could you elaborate on this "honey moon" period a bit[for my sake]?)

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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

 

 

The honeymoon period is the phase early in a long-term relationship characterized by greater than typical joy and lesser than typical friction. Usually during this time there is much more physical contact between the two partners in the relationship. In a political context, it is the early period in a political term during which constituents are less demanding and more forgiving of their representative. This is also true early on in marriage - spouses seem to be more forgiving and loving than they would be later on in the relationship.

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The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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I really can't stand when people think social standings matter. I've seen some really geeky guys with some really hot girls before. It happens all the time. Social stature has nothing to do with it, and if you think it does...then you may not be mature enough for an actual relationship.

 

 

 

First off, I believe that I'm mature enough for a relationship...

 

 

 

Secondly, it seems as though you've misunderstood me. My fault. I wasn't really sure on how to describe our differences, but to put it simpler, we're two different types of people. I was simply asking how I should go about getting to know her better, or if I should just give up on the issue.

 

 

 

By the way, thanks for the advice Powman and Solidus. :wink:

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I really can't stand when people think social standings matter. I've seen some really geeky guys with some really hot girls before. It happens all the time. Social stature has nothing to do with it, and if you think it does...then you may not be mature enough for an actual relationship.

 

 

 

well the reason people think it matters is because someone else thinks it matters (if that makes sense)...and so it shall continue until the end of time.

 

 

 

thankfully in this day and age it's not as important...but it's still there.

 

 

 

a lot of girls judge your fashion sense too...luckily most guys don't have any (like me). i'd like to get better at it tho...without totally giving up my masculinity hahaha.

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First off, I believe that I'm mature enough for a relationship...

 

I've yet to meet a person who thinks otherwise... hell even my brother at 11 thought he was mature enough to have a long-term relationship. :roll:

 

 

 

a lot of girls judge your fashion sense too...luckily most guys don't have any (like me). i'd like to get better at it tho...without totally giving up my masculinity hahaha.

 

That's an entirely seperate thing altogether. The clothes you wear are somewhat comparable with the style of personality you have. You can expect a person who dresses in 'loud' clothing will typically be an extrovert who doesn't really care about what other people make of them. Those who dress in fairly plain clothing will typically have 'safe' personalities and won't be that compelled to 'push the boat out' in life, as it were.

 

 

 

If you're going to counter this by saying girls don't care about personality, then I ask you; in your own mind, what exactly do girls look for in guys, in general?

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a lot of girls judge your fashion sense too...luckily most guys don't have any (like me). i'd like to get better at it tho...without totally giving up my masculinity hahaha.

 

That's an entirely seperate thing altogether. The clothes you wear are somewhat comparable with the style of personality you have. You can expect a person who dresses in 'loud' clothing will typically be an extrovert who doesn't really care about what other people make of them. Those who dress in fairly plain clothing will typically have 'safe' personalities and won't be that compelled to 'push the boat out' in life, as it were.

 

 

 

If you're going to counter this by saying girls don't care about personality, then I ask you; in your own mind, what exactly do girls look for in guys, in general?

 

 

 

not what i implied. of course the most important thing when it comes to dressing is dressing in clothes that you personally feel sexy in...but there's nothing wrong with knowing stuff about fashion. i'm not saying that clothes don't display personality, but i know A LOT of women attracted to guys who..well..."know how to dress" and have a grasp on it. they aren't dressed in clothes that exploit their personality per say, they just knew what to wear in essence.

 

 

 

kind of like a guy who knows how to dance (98% don't...)

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^ Or like a guy who can "talk to women". Basically the idea behind it is always self-confidence. You feel confident if you dress well. You must be confident in order to move your body around and you have to be confident in order to approach women and talk to them.

 

 

 

Apparently, however, girls judge who they like based on personality as much as guys judge who they like based on looks.

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It really depends on the woman too; personally I despise guys who are overly confident and dress over the top. Do they actually think I'm going to impress them? Yeah right lol I have a real problem with men who try to basically tell me or act like they're more dominant than I. I have never been with a blokey bloke if you get my drift. I'm pretty hardcore on women being equal to men :lol:

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First off, I believe that I'm mature enough for a relationship...

 

I've yet to meet a person who thinks otherwise...

 

 

 

Ginger Warrior I do and don't think I'm ready for a long term relationship. The only way to actually sure that your ready for a long term relationship is by actually getting into one.

 

 

 

You can go around acting mature till the cows come home but I for one think that don't matter. It's like this: some people train alot of there lives to be say a soldier in the army. But when the time comes to actually fight they might go and cower(mind you I'm not saying everyone does it I'm just using it as an example).

 

 

 

 

 

My point is that: in my opion NO ONE is able to say if there ready for a relationship until they have actually tried it. No matter how mature you are or how much you think you can handle a problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So Ginger Warrior you may have met your first here then :P

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My girlfriend broke up with me last night because her life is too stressful for her to have a boyfriend. She told me she wanted to be with me, but we just can't be together right now.

 

 

 

I feel dead. Last night I tried to commit suicide by smothering. I also mutilated my arms by biting and scratching and cutting.

 

 

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything goes wrong.

 

Eat a cookie.

 

 

 

A chocolate chip cookie.

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  • 3 weeks later...
School: If i stand up, I can beat them, but then they would fire me from my school. I seeked help like 3x, but after a month, it was the same.

 

 

 

Seek help again then

 

 

 

Hobby: I do my thing when this person just go and shout at me. His flunkies do the same, because they are the mostly-influencing group there. I told the shop owner, he said he'll talk to them, but no avail. They can't also lose a very important branch of customers(because there is no other DnD shop in the town)

 

 

 

You're getting beat up over a game of DnD?

 

 

 

Email/Msn/Icq is fine, but as time passes we WONT even talk anymore than in the days we were almost meeting everyday. It will just be more and more common that we wont talk to each other.

 

 

 

Yep, but you can't change that.

 

 

 

I can lose a friend to alcohol when he forfeits all of our common hobbies and change to a freak.

 

 

 

So instead of DnD he goes to drink?

 

 

 

I can lose a friend so selfish need when he feels like he doesn't need me anymore and behaves that way.

 

 

 

Sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with your friend

 

 

 

About the book ''It's life'' yeah, but there goes my perspective.

 

 

 

So are you going to try and make your story better?

 

 

 

There is no way I can get to a psychological person unless I make an *** of myself in front of the parents (I love those doctors that just feel the need to inform them).

 

 

 

You're considering committing suicide, I don't think you need to show so much pride.

76th to reach 99 Construction on 6th of February 2007

379th to reach 99 Runecrafting on 4th of November 2007

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Is it difficult for you to read, then perform written instructions? I think anybody can put words in to practical, if they try hard enough and read the steps correctly.

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The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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  • 3 months later...

And here I was thinking a rollback might actually make War Junky look like less of an idiot. Ah well.

 

 

 

[EDIT]

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^ Sorry but I just had to say that there are NO girls on the internet.

 

just like you have NO brains, seeing as a couple of top Tip.it members just happen to be girls, idiot

 

 

 

Chillax bro. No need to take it so seriously.

 

 

 

I don't think anyone realised that echofish is female

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I did.

 

 

 

I lol'd. At War_Junky.

 

 

 

=)

 

 

 

Yeah, although that was before he turned out to be a misogynistic sadistic psychopath.

 

 

 

And here I was thinking a rollback might actually make War Junky look like less of an idiot. Ah well.

 

 

 

At this point I've more or less lost hope for him. Well at least several the flame wars that I caused (leading to me making an [wagon] out of myself) have been lost =P

 

 

 

Actually, in reference to one of them, it seems I might have undervalued messenger conversations in terms of relationship. After several girls were asking for my email (for Messenger purposes) I decided to give it a shot and also test out some PUA routines using words to stimulate emotions, feelings and values (note: NOTHING I said was rehearsed, I only used my own personal application of a concept). The result I got was a bunch of interesting conversations we would share inner thoughts, our most touching feelings and other things which really made the conversation worthwhile, very deep-rooted and very interesting. This is the opposite of the infamous generic MSN conversations which can go "Hi" "how are you?" "fine, lol" and that's about how deep it gets.

 

 

 

So can MSN be the base for forming a relationship? Honestly, no. Or at least not a base. I consider these conversations to be "extras" or "add-ons" to the conversations that I have with these girls in real life (and I see them everyday until recently). I don't think you can build a good relationship on simple conversations alone, it's not the same as real life however it can be useful, especially if extended phone convos are not your cup of tea (they aren't for me, but this might change). So I'd say that you CAN potentially have deep and meaningful conversations just via MSN if you know how to go beyond shallow small talk (note, we rarely used stupid acronyms or one word answers) AND if this is someone you see in real life regularly.

 

 

 

One thing to never do is ask out online. That's just an unnecessary lack of confidence and even if you've sufficiently connected with the girl, she'll probably end up saying "let's just be friends".

76th to reach 99 Construction on 6th of February 2007

379th to reach 99 Runecrafting on 4th of November 2007

 

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Dude, I've got to be frank with you- I stopped reading as soon as I saw the acronym "PUA" :? .

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Oh, man. I need some help guys. I, honestly, don't have any idea what to do anymore.

 

 

 

So, let me give you the background story. Freshmen year I met this girl. Now, I know there's always "The most beautiful woman in the world" for every guy, but this one struck me pretty damn hard. I met her when I was class vice president. It was after school and one of her friends who I knew brought her to help. Ever since then I couldn't keep her off my mind. For God's sake, I'd have dreams about her and I could hardly sleep at night. It wasn't a stalkerish sort of fantasy as I didn't purposely bump into her or memorize her schedules. I'd only see her if she was with my friend and I never said a word to her. Sophomore year she was in my Algebra class. I was stoked. I still couldn't talk to her and I was a loser/geek, so it was a lost cause.

 

 

 

Junior year, I moved to a different school. I could never look at another girl like I could with her. I couldn't stop thinking about her. One day, after school, I wondered what had become of the 'perfect girl'. Well, I stop into work and see we have a new bagger. She turns around and it is her! I was more shocked than I had ever been in my whole life. She had a break and I was going back to the break room anyways to check out my schedule. While in the break room, she confronted me. She knew my name! She asked what school I'd gone to and asked me a lot of things. I drove home that afternoon with my sister in the car and couldn't stop babbling about how she had known my name! I was more happy than I'd been in my life.

 

 

 

So, it's been... 2 months? 1 and a half at least. Well, the girl I liked found a guy she thinks is cute. She was drunk at a party and since then... they have hooked up. Well, she had just been out of a long relationship. This guy she just got into a 'relationship' with was more of the 'rebound' type. I think of their relationship as a friend with benefits sort of thing. The guy totally pisses me off. He ignores her, he has not taken her on a date, doesn't open doors, doesn't pay for anything/has her pay, doesn't do what she wants to do, etc. Overall, the guy seems to be taking advantage of their relationship. Well, her and I have been hanging out recently. We've been talking, laughing, etc. Sunday night, we watched a movie at my house. It was the coolest thing that had ever happened to me.

 

 

 

Up until this year, I was picked on in school. I had no friends and was a social outcast. Well, once I left my old school, I became more social and it is great. Well, Monday night, her 'boyfriend' prank calls me and acts like her crying. He sends me text messages from her phone all upset and sends some from his indicating they had a fight or something. Well, I literally ran to my car and went 80 through my streets just to get to my work where she was supposedly crying at. I got there and he has the biggest f'ing smile on his face. I wanted to knock it right off. After my pissy fit, I left. She attempted to hug me, but I gave her the cold shoulder. Once I got home, I texted her saying we needed to talk. We met up at a park by my house. I told her everything. How I've liked her for 3 years, her 'boyfriend' is a douche bag, and etc.

 

 

 

Well... nothing much happened. I probably made the wrong choice of telling her. It is kind of like naming a stray dog. You start to care for it and would do anything for it only to have the owner return and pick it up. I don't know... I feel weird when I see her with her 'boyfriend'. The guy is a total douche. He ignores her and only wants one thing... I think you can guess. Well, Tuesday morning, I took her to breakfast. Yeah... Then later that night, I went to the store and got her some food since she had not eaten all day. I spent like $20. I drove to her friend's house and we hung. We talked a lot and she began to ask personal questions relating with my feelings towards her. After 2 hours of talking and giving her a foot massage, I left and went home where I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about her.

 

 

 

She told me about the perfect guy for her. A guy who constantly tells her she is pretty, he loves her, always thinks about her, and she told me of requirements via height, personality, etc. She said she likes when guys take her on dates and introduce her as his girlfriend.

 

 

 

Well... her 'boyfriend' fits neither of the above. Sure, he is taller than her and sometimes makes her laugh, but still. He doesn't treat her right. He doesn't pay for anything, he ignores her... period, he introduces her to his friends by her name with no title of 'girlfriend', he ignores her for day's time, promises to go do something with her and then bails, doesn't do what she likes to do, etc. Possibly the worst boyfriend, in my own opinion.

 

 

 

Now, I have loved the last 4 days. Today, Wednesday, she came over to my Mom's house for dinner and met my Mom. Laughing occurred and then we went and got ice cream. I paid and then we went to her house. We looked at old year book photos and we even talked about watching a movie again that night. Dun Dun Dun! Her 'boyfriend' calls... He wants to hang out with her and his friend. She asks for me to come. I refused. I would do anything for her and go out of my way just to hang out with her for even a minute, but I couldn't go. It hurts me to see her ignored. I can't stand it. I feel sad when she sits there and tries to show him love, but he just ignores her like some homeless person you wouldn't give a second glance at. I couldn't bear to go and see it happen, so I refused. I hugged her good bye and got into my truck.

 

 

 

She texts me when I got home to tell me he is ignoring her again. Couple texts later, she asks me what she should do. She really likes the guy. This was my text back:

 

 

 

"Well, I am sorry. I see you as one of those girls in the movies who likes a guy who doesn't like her back and she finds out too late."

 

 

 

She asked for advice. My response:

 

 

 

"I can't help you with that. I can only give advice but in the end, you make the decision. I have given you advice, but now it is your choice."

 

 

 

If she, honestly, wanted my advice, I'd tell her:

 

 

 

"Drop the guy and find someone who actually cares for you. You deserve better and I don't think [name] cares about you."

 

 

 

But who am I to tell her something like that. She's asked if I think her 'boyfriend' likes her and asked for me to tell her truthfully. Honestly, I don't think he does. It kind of pains me to say so, but he doesn't. Honestly, from hearing previous stories, I don't think he has respected any girl in his life.

 

 

 

As being a friend to her, I've done more stuff than he probably has done for any girl. I've opened doors for her (Car/buildings), I took her to breakfast, I bought her food because she was hungry, I had her meet my parents after I met her Mom and her Mom's boyfriend, I've tried to hang out with her as much as possible just to be able to spend time with her, I drove to her house because she had no gas back up to my house to watch a movie, then drove her home and drove back up to my house so I could spend 2 hours with her, I opened up my heart and told her everything about me, I listened to everything she says (I enjoy listening to what people say anyways, but I wanted to know more about her, so it worked out), I massaged her feet when she told me they hurt :), I drove as fast as my car would go because I thought she was hurt, I've told her she was pretty, I respect her, and I do anything she wants to do because that's what guys should do. They do anything she wants just so they could spend even 3 minutes with her.

 

 

 

Now, I am not mad at all. I am more happy then I have ever been in my life. I enjoyed the past 4 days and I enjoy every second spent with her. The only thing I am upset about is the fact that she cares for a guy who does not back. I need advice guys. I care for her and want to see her happy even if it was with another guy, but I don't want to see her with this guy. She asks for advice I cannot give. My feelings interact and I want to give her a good answer. What should I say/do so she can be happy?

 

 

 

EDIT: I praise anyone who read this all and is willing to help me. I greatly appreciate it.

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To me, it sounds like you've not given her much advice at all, and your judgement seems to be exaggerated because of your feelings for her. You seem to be purposefully looking for bad sides to this guy - there must surely be some good in him that you're not seeing when they're alone with each other?

 

 

 

As for him ignoring her... I'm sceptical about too. The idyllic man she describes is someone who would remove those teenage insecurities and constantly reinforce that message, instead of trying to let her develop a confidence from within. It could be something as simple as he couldn't text her because he was busy - it's more than plausible your friend's overreacting to something that's totally benign.

 

 

 

I gotta go for Chem exam so I can't go into much depth but, you need to relax a bit. At the moment, you're just coming across with this attitude of 'You should have chose me, not him. Serves you right'. Maybe you can't see that, but I'm certainly getting that impression. Well, maybe you'll have that chance later on. If things are really as bad as you say they are, they'll split up. Just hear her out when she needs someone to talk to, and describe what you honestly feel. You can't tell her who she should and should not go out with, though.

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I think that there's a little more to this guy than you seem to be seeing. I mean, if she's stayed with him for this long, she must see SOMETHING in him. I think that she does like him, and she's just overreacting to something small that he did because of that, and you're picking up on it and magnifying it because you like her so much. I doubt that it's half as bad as you make it out to be. She obviously quite likes him, and that tends to make people defensive. When people are in that deep, they'll often overreact to something that's completely a non-issue.

 

 

 

That being said, if you really think he's not right for her, then come right out and say it. Like Ginger said, your advice isn't much of advice. You're coming across as a bit of a [bleep] in your responses to her texts, and that's really not helping you if you're looking to win her. I think she actually, honestly, may want your advice, and if you really like her, you'd give it to her instead of taking the attitude you are. Ginger again hit it on the head - you're taking the attitude that you're superior to her boyfriend and that it's her fault for choosing him over you, so she should deal with her own problems. You say you want her to be happy, and yet you don't help her out when she's asking for it? That's a little confusing.

 

 

 

Okay, I'm getting kicked out of the lab right now, so I can't continue. But really, there's not too much more to say.

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Dude, I've got to be frank with you- I stopped reading as soon as I saw the acronym "PUA" :? .

 

 

 

That's your call. Although frankly I'm disappointed because it's really more about the use of Messenger when talking to a girl (the PUA stuff was an added detail, not the topic).

 

 

 

Anyways, Ginger is pretty well on so I'll just focus on section by section

 

 

 

So, let me give you the background story. Freshmen year I met this girl. Now, I know there's always "The most beautiful woman in the world" for every guy, but this one struck me pretty damn hard. I met her when I was class vice president. It was after school and one of her friends who I knew brought her to help. Ever since then I couldn't keep her off my mind. For God's sake, I'd have dreams about her and I could hardly sleep at night. It wasn't a stalkerish sort of fantasy as I didn't purposely bump into her or memorize her schedules. I'd only see her if she was with my friend and I never said a word to her. Sophomore year she was in my Algebra class. I was stoked. I still couldn't talk to her and I was a loser/geek, so it was a lost cause.

 

 

 

The fact that you've obsessed about her all this time is a very bad sign. Before the board crash, there was quite a lot of talk of "theres-this-one-girl-and-I-don't-know-how-I-can-get-her" type problems, that I refer to as "one-itis" and that popular media refers to as a "crush". Although at this point I think you've transcended the term crush and it's really starting to be very unhealthy. This passage alone is evidence that you should strongly consider forgetting about having a relationship with her.

 

 

 

Junior year, I moved to a different school. I could never look at another girl like I could with her. I couldn't stop thinking about her. One day, after school, I wondered what had become of the 'perfect girl'. Well, I stop into work and see we have a new bagger. She turns around and it is her! I was more shocked than I had ever been in my whole life. She had a break and I was going back to the break room anyways to check out my schedule. While in the break room, she confronted me. She knew my name! She asked what school I'd gone to and asked me a lot of things. I drove home that afternoon with my sister in the car and couldn't stop babbling about how she had known my name! I was more happy than I'd been in my life.

 

 

 

Now you moved to a different school and STILL couldn't stop thinking of her? That's really a problem.

 

 

 

So, it's been... 2 months? 1 and a half at least. Well, the girl I liked found a guy she thinks is cute. She was drunk at a party and since then... they have hooked up. Well, she had just been out of a long relationship. This guy she just got into a 'relationship' with was more of the 'rebound' type. I think of their relationship as a friend with benefits sort of thing. The guy totally pisses me off. He ignores her, he has not taken her on a date, doesn't open doors, doesn't pay for anything/has her pay, doesn't do what she wants to do, etc. Overall, the guy seems to be taking advantage of their relationship. Well, her and I have been hanging out recently. We've been talking, laughing, etc. Sunday night, we watched a movie at my house. It was the coolest thing that had ever happened to me.

 

 

 

Yep, he's not a cliche'd "nice guy". He's got that jerk appeal that girls love. If you believe that girls want a "nice guy" as a boyfriend you're quite mistaken, just as I was a few years ago.

 

 

 

Up until this year, I was picked on in school. I had no friends and was a social outcast. Well, once I left my old school, I became more social and it is great. Well, Monday night, her 'boyfriend' prank calls me and acts like her crying. He sends me text messages from her phone all upset and sends some from his indicating they had a fight or something. Well, I literally ran to my car and went 80 through my streets just to get to my work where she was supposedly crying at. I got there and he has the biggest f'ing smile on his face. I wanted to knock it right off. After my pissy fit, I left. She attempted to hug me, but I gave her the cold shoulder. Once I got home, I texted her saying we needed to talk. We met up at a park by my house. I told her everything. How I've liked her for 3 years, her 'boyfriend' is a douche bag, and etc.

 

 

 

First of all, it's great that you're becoming more social. That already puts you ahead of the thousands upon thousands of guys with the same problem. Now, for this situation, I suspect that this guy knows that you like his girlfriend and is toying with your emotions in order to get you worked up. Keep in mind that he is appearing as a complete jerk to you, but you don't know what it's like exactly between them. As Ginger stated, you've clearly got strong feelings towards this guy and perhaps he is not as big of a jerk as you make him sound (or at least he isn't as much of a jerk towards her).

 

 

 

Also, trying to tell her that her boyfriend is an idiot will most often backfire (even if he really is), she will just defend him and have her feelings even more strongly rooted.

 

 

 

Well... nothing much happened. I probably made the wrong choice of telling her. It is kind of like naming a stray dog. You start to care for it and would do anything for it only to have the owner return and pick it up. I don't know... I feel weird when I see her with her 'boyfriend'. The guy is a total douche. He ignores her and only wants one thing... I think you can guess. Well, Tuesday morning, I took her to breakfast. Yeah... Then later that night, I went to the store and got her some food since she had not eaten all day. I spent like $20. I drove to her friend's house and we hung. We talked a lot and she began to ask personal questions relating with my feelings towards her. After 2 hours of talking and giving her a foot massage, I left and went home where I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about her.

 

 

 

She told me about the perfect guy for her. A guy who constantly tells her she is pretty, he loves her, always thinks about her, and she told me of requirements via height, personality, etc. She said she likes when guys take her on dates and introduce her as his girlfriend.

 

 

 

What a nice guy! Buying her breakfast and giving her foot massages. You're really doing your best to comfort her. But tell me, honestly, are you doing this just because you're a friend or are you hoping that with enough time/money invested on her she will eventually consider you for a possible relationship? If you're doing it for the hopes of a relationship, cut it out, it doesn't help. If this is because you're being a friend, then by all means, keep treating her to breakfast.

 

 

 

Either way, you mention thinking about her so much you can't sleep. Emotional pains. The more you continue with her, the more you'll feel the pain. It's really a problem if this starts to affect your health too.

 

 

 

I skipped a part because, honestly, I don't have the experience needed to answer that. I know there's something there but I don't want to give advice that hasn't personally worked for me. Sorry.

 

 

 

She texts me when I got home to tell me he is ignoring her again. Couple texts later, she asks me what she should do. She really likes the guy. This was my text back:

 

 

 

"Well, I am sorry. I see you as one of those girls in the movies who likes a guy who doesn't like her back and she finds out too late."

 

 

 

She asked for advice. My response:

 

 

 

"I can't help you with that. I can only give advice but in the end, you make the decision. I have given you advice, but now it is your choice."

 

 

 

If she, honestly, wanted my advice, I'd tell her:

 

 

 

"Drop the guy and find someone who actually cares for you. You deserve better and I don't think [name] cares about you."

 

 

 

This, on the other hand, I've seen before. If you are serving the role of the "advisor" or the person she goes to for troubles with her existing relationship, then she's not considering you for a real relationship. Which means that you can stop obsessing about her right now.

 

 

 

But who am I to tell her something like that. She's asked if I think her 'boyfriend' likes her and asked for me to tell her truthfully. Honestly, I don't think he does. It kind of pains me to say so, but he doesn't. Honestly, from hearing previous stories, I don't think he has respected any girl in his life.

 

 

 

Last sentence especially makes me curious. You see, when I first got into this whole thing I thought girls needed to be respected to the point of worship, and was wondering how could guys act so disrespectful towards girls (and also, how come those girls were responding to it!?) Turns out that the cocky and funny guy is able to create loads of attraction and seriously turn them on while the "respectful" nice guy, is just someone who's comfortable and non-threatening but clearly not the confident guy they are looking for. Could it be that what you consider to be "disrespectful" is actually a bit of a skewed image? I'm saying this because there were phrases and actions that I was surprised guys could say. Now, I have the confidence needed to use them myself (AND I CAN"T STRESS HOW MUCH IT WORKS). This girl is clearly chasing after him, so he must be creating some sort of attraction that she doesn't see elsewhere. Could it be his cold attitude?

 

 

 

Now, I am not mad at all. I am more happy then I have ever been in my life. I enjoyed the past 4 days and I enjoy every second spent with her. The only thing I am upset about is the fact that she cares for a guy who does not back. I need advice guys. I care for her and want to see her happy even if it was with another guy, but I don't want to see her with this guy. She asks for advice I cannot give. My feelings interact and I want to give her a good answer. What should I say/do so she can be happy?

 

 

 

Before you judge who is the right guy for her. Consider asking yourself some questions:

 

What qualities make this guy so attractive?

 

Do you honestly know what kinds of things create attraction within girls?

 

What qualities makes you less attractive than this guy?

 

 

 

and most importantly:

 

 

 

WHAT makes this girl so special that every other girl on the planet doesn't have?

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To the posts above:

 

 

 

I may have let my emotions interfere, but the thing is she complains about him all the time to me. I asked her about previous girlfriends and she told me he had 4 sexual friends along with a girlfriend who dumped him because of the sexual friends. As I stated above, I just want her to be happy. If a guy comes along and sweeps her off her feet then I'd be happy. I didn't want advice on how to "win" her or anything. I was asking for advice to give to her because I am all out.

 

 

 

The guy is that stereotypical movie guy who pretty much has no redeeming qualities. His jokes are dry as she nor I have laughed at them. They've been dating for 2-3 weeks, so it hasn't been long. He's one of those pretty guys. I asked her what she liked about him. She said:

 

 

 

"He's cute."

 

"He's sometimes funny."

 

 

 

Those were the only two she came up with. They haven't been on a date. He promised to take her to a movie and then the subject never came up again. She even bet me to see if he would follow through. I declined as it seems stupid to bet over something that would just make someone hurt. She even told me she thinks he thinks that their relationship is a "friend with benefits". I probably should have stated what she had said to me because most of what I was writing about is how I feel, but this is how it goes.

 

 

 

She dates a guy for 9 months. He goes psycho, they break up.

 

She's working and a customer comes through.

 

They go to a party.

 

They get drunk and one thing leads to another.

 

They are together for about 2 weeks.

 

No dates, he won't call her for day's time which he will spend hanging out with his friends.

 

She texts me everyday complaining.

 

He pulls a prank on me.

 

Basically, it.

 

 

 

She tells me that when she says "I love you" to him, he won't respond. He won't tell her she's pretty. They haven't gone on 1 date. Blah blah blah.

 

 

 

^^^ All her right there. That's without any of my emotions. Now, again. I am looking for advice on what to tell her. honestly, if she only wanted to be my friend, I am fine. If she met the perfect guy, I am glad for her. All I am doing is telling my story and hoping for some advice to tell her as I have run out.

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I'll be straight with you here - I don't think she's interested in you. The way you've been talking about her actions and reactions, it seems like you're more filling the role of 'advisor' and 'good friend' than the role of 'potential boyfriend' here. And the way it's working, that's the way she's always going to think about you. You've killed much of the chance you ever had to be more than 'just a friend' to her by acting the way you did. I think it's about time to move on and forget about it. I'd say you're pursuing a lost cause here.

 

 

 

This reminds me of one of the guys in the movies who's best friends with the girl, and really likes her but can never make her see that he's the perfect guy for her. He finally tells her he likes her, and she goes, 'Oh. Well, you know, we're really good friends, but that's just not what I want from you.' And that's where I see it going.

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