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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios

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Ok, my girlfriend I've been dating for the last few months (not that psycho [bleep] Cheyenna) broke up with me because we had a fight over whether or not I was pissed off at her and she had a bad attitude that night. I made the mistake of saying she was just like Cheyenna. She told me she loved me, needed a break because of the fight (She claimed we have been fighting a lot lately.), would take me back if I wasn't overprotective and obsessive and misreating my parents, and she said she would still date me if she didn't feel like a break, liked me a little, and didn't feel worth waiting for. I still love her, and really want to be with her, but IDK what to do. I'm not even 100% sure if she'll ever come around. Almost everyone tells me she will, but I don't know. I can't wait forever on something uncertain.

 

 

 

That night, a girl I knew started talking to me over facebook. She seemed to like me, and she too lost out in her relationship. I gave her my number and asked for hers. Well to cut it short she seemed to like me, and she asked if I would come to her softball game the next night. I did, asked her out, and she smiled and hugged me. Well her grandma (guardian) acted weird as hell around me. The next day I call her and she tells me her grandma won't let her go out with me and she is already busy this weekend. Does that sound like an excuse or what?

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Mayn U wanna be like me but U can't be me cuz U ain't got ma swagga on.

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I'll be straight with you here - I don't think she's interested in you. The way you've been talking about her actions and reactions, it seems like you're more filling the role of 'advisor' and 'good friend' than the role of 'potential boyfriend' here. And the way it's working, that's the way she's always going to think about you. You've killed much of the chance you ever had to be more than 'just a friend' to her by acting the way you did. I think it's about time to move on and forget about it. I'd say you're pursuing a lost cause here.

 

 

 

This reminds me of one of the guys in the movies who's best friends with the girl, and really likes her but can never make her see that he's the perfect guy for her. He finally tells her he likes her, and she goes, 'Oh. Well, you know, we're really good friends, but that's just not what I want from you.' And that's where I see it going.

 

 

 

Yeah. I kind of came to that realization. 3 years of my life I will never get back. :wall:

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I don't know if anyone remembers my last post, since it got deleted from the rollback. Anyways, it was about how I asked out a best friend of mine, Lauren, and she declined. This happened in early May.

 

 

 

Anyways, I just thought I'd post a little update on the subject. It took me a couple of weeks, but I finally got over her rejection, and I realize now that I was really immersed in one-itis during the whole thing, yet even after knowing about what it was, I didn't let myself accept it and was still convinced that I didn't have it. The thing is, now there is some problem between us as friends. We just don't talk as much as we used to, and I think that I screwed this up because I tried walking with her from first hour to second hour every day, and I think that I might have came across badly. Basically, she never seems to want to talk to me anymore, and she almost always talks to someone else over me if she gets the chance. I realize also now that it may have been like this earlier too, but the one-itis stopped me from seeing that clearly. However, before, we actually talked, but now I barely get more out of her than "hey, what's up?". I'm thinking that just giving her some space for a while (now that school is done with) would be the best way to fix this kind of thing. Am I correct? I don't want to lose her as a friend, even though she might actually never have been one of my best.

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I still couldn't talk to her and I was a loser/geek, so it was a lost cause.

 

 

 

I drove as fast as my car would go because I thought she was hurt, I've told her she was pretty, I respect her, and I do anything she wants to do because that's what guys should do. They do anything she wants just so they could spend even 3 minutes with her

 

 

 

These two lines are kinda stuck out.

 

 

 

Laughing occurred and then we went and got ice cream.
as well as that for a whole different reason.

 

 

 

Two years went by without you actually talking to this girl, but you thought she was perfect the entire time? Throughout your story you haven't really noted anything that is that special about her, except someone was generous to her when they were dishing out good looks. All I can say is careful man. Don't make any women your goddess. Respect and worship are two entirely different things. There are times when you should praise them like crazy, and sure as hell being a gentleman is a good way to go about things, but your obsession seems like something that you yourself created by spending too much time in your fantasies. I'm sure she loves you giving her all that attention, but its the attention she is loving and the fact she doesn't need to do anything in return.

 

 

 

If I were you I would probably say what you truly think, but then leave the boyfriend subject all together.

 

 

 

If she, honestly, wanted my advice, I'd tell her:

 

 

 

"Drop the guy and find someone who actually cares for you. You deserve better and I don't think [name] cares about you."

 

 

 

But I'd prolly just say I thought he was a [puncture], and then move on. You can't be the one just talking about her relationship problems unless you just want to be friends. Who knows in a few years time when you've both come out from horrid relationships it might provide an alright night or week, and perhaps that could turn to something more. But in the now, its not doing you too many favours if your still this caught up on her.

 

 

 

I have a friend that loves to be doted on, and pretty much swerves the conversation as to how awesome she is any moment she can. She flirts with guys with no intention other then to play. She went out with some guy for two years and personally I think he is a bloody legend for putting up with that. I can't say that is what this girl is like, but you never know.

 

 

 

If you think you have a shot with this, tee up and take a few swings. But don't spend too long, perhaps look elsewhere for a little while. Hell man its been three years, but on the other hand you seem to have gotten a lot closer to her within the last 4 days. So thats in the right direction. You might look at her differently if you spend a bit of time with other girls. If she is still "your one", you may at least be able to try it again with a bit of experience.

 

 

 

I want to know why I go checking up on runescape after being out of it for a year or so and I end up posting in this thread. Odd, so very odd.

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I'll be straight with you here - I don't think she's interested in you. The way you've been talking about her actions and reactions, it seems like you're more filling the role of 'advisor' and 'good friend' than the role of 'potential boyfriend' here. And the way it's working, that's the way she's always going to think about you. You've killed much of the chance you ever had to be more than 'just a friend' to her by acting the way you did. I think it's about time to move on and forget about it. I'd say you're pursuing a lost cause here.

 

 

 

This reminds me of one of the guys in the movies who's best friends with the girl, and really likes her but can never make her see that he's the perfect guy for her. He finally tells her he likes her, and she goes, 'Oh. Well, you know, we're really good friends, but that's just not what I want from you.' And that's where I see it going.

 

 

 

Yeah. I kind of came to that realization. 3 years of my life I will never get back. :wall:

 

 

 

all i can say is its time to move on, i've wasted many times trying to either find a person or get through to someone. now i just go with what ever happens, happens. best thing to do is learn from whats happened,

 

lifes full of all sorts of things: emotions, relationhips, friends, families, careers etc. theres much more to learn and dwelling on it doesnt help. i should know. :wall:

 

 

 

or like rebdragon said: get a cookie. chocolate chip. or for better times a dark chocolate muffin with white and milk chocolate chips in it. -faints-

Popoto.~<3

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I'll be straight with you here - I don't think she's interested in you. The way you've been talking about her actions and reactions, it seems like you're more filling the role of 'advisor' and 'good friend' than the role of 'potential boyfriend' here. And the way it's working, that's the way she's always going to think about you. You've killed much of the chance you ever had to be more than 'just a friend' to her by acting the way you did. I think it's about time to move on and forget about it. I'd say you're pursuing a lost cause here.

 

 

 

This reminds me of one of the guys in the movies who's best friends with the girl, and really likes her but can never make her see that he's the perfect guy for her. He finally tells her he likes her, and she goes, 'Oh. Well, you know, we're really good friends, but that's just not what I want from you.' And that's where I see it going.

 

 

 

Yeah. I kind of came to that realization. 3 years of my life I will never get back. :wall:

 

That's good. Glad I could help.

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Ok, my girlfriend I've been dating for the last few months (not that psycho [bleep] Cheyenna) broke up with me because we had a fight over whether or not I was pissed off at her and she had a bad attitude that night. I made the mistake of saying she was just like Cheyenna. She told me she loved me, needed a break because of the fight (She claimed we have been fighting a lot lately.), would take me back if I wasn't overprotective and obsessive and misreating my parents, and she said she would still date me if she didn't feel like a break, liked me a little, and didn't feel worth waiting for. I still love her, and really want to be with her, but IDK what to do. I'm not even 100% sure if she'll ever come around. Almost everyone tells me she will, but I don't know. I can't wait forever on something uncertain.

 

 

 

That night, a girl I knew started talking to me over facebook. She seemed to like me, and she too lost out in her relationship. I gave her my number and asked for hers. Well to cut it short she seemed to like me, and she asked if I would come to her softball game the next night. I did, asked her out, and she smiled and hugged me. Well her grandma (guardian) acted weird as hell around me. The next day I call her and she tells me her grandma won't let her go out with me and she is already busy this weekend. Does that sound like an excuse or what?

 

You love this girl so much, you'll ask someone else out while she's considering your future together? Add to that, this other girl isn't exactly the most secure about her emotions at this point either.

 

 

 

You sir, are the epitome of self-centred apathy. :roll:

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Does anybody else see a pattern here? The part where guardians are no longer letting their kids anywhere near John pattern?

 

 

 

I don't know how obvious it is to anybody else but to me that pretty much screams that the problem begins with you and not them.

 

 

 

I think it is very contradicting to call Cheyenna a psycho [bleep] while you were the one who resorted to self mutilation and wanted a child with her.

 

 

 

Also, if you love someone you don't go looking for something else the very next day you work on your problems.

 

 

 

You are very immature for your age and the first girl you mentioned is very wise. I don't think she has the problem, I think the person who has the problem is you.

 

 

 

You have been your own worst enemy for a very long time. If you can't learn something from this girl and choose to leave her, enjoy your downhill battle.

 

 

 

I think she has potential to knock some sense in to you. She has only been saying what everybody on this forum has been trying to tell you for the past year.

 

 

 

Keep being your own worst enemy or make a life changing decision and be influenced by somebody who is intelligent, wise and sensible.

 

 

 

I think 90% of the people on here hope that you come around 100%.

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The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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I don't know if anyone remembers my last post, since it got deleted from the rollback. Anyways, it was about how I asked out a best friend of mine, Lauren, and she declined. This happened in early May.

 

 

 

Anyways, I just thought I'd post a little update on the subject. It took me a couple of weeks, but I finally got over her rejection, and I realize now that I was really immersed in one-itis during the whole thing, yet even after knowing about what it was, I didn't let myself accept it and was still convinced that I didn't have it. The thing is, now there is some problem between us as friends. We just don't talk as much as we used to, and I think that I screwed this up because I tried walking with her from first hour to second hour every day, and I think that I might have came across badly. Basically, she never seems to want to talk to me anymore, and she almost always talks to someone else over me if she gets the chance. I realize also now that it may have been like this earlier too, but the one-itis stopped me from seeing that clearly. However, before, we actually talked, but now I barely get more out of her than "hey, what's up?". I'm thinking that just giving her some space for a while (now that school is done with) would be the best way to fix this kind of thing. Am I correct? I don't want to lose her as a friend, even though she might actually never have been one of my best.

 

 

 

First off, I'm glad to hear that you're overcoming your feelings towards you friend. Also, I've had almost the exact situation: ironically enough a girl who told me "let's just be friends" is seeming to go out of her way to avoid me. I guess she sees me differently now that she sees I have an interest in her and even though I screwed up (and apologized for being too forceful) and even though she says it's no big deal, I think she might be a little uncomfortable around me. It's not really an issue for me since most of our class will all be going our separate ways anyways, but it seems like your friend also is experiencing the same thing. I guess the best thing to do is probably to wait a bit, or maybe even explain that you still would like to stay friends.

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Hey people of this thread :) I'm 17, and I've trying to get a girlfriend for quite a while now (I REALLY liked this girl before but it came to nothing). But now I want to get girlfriend before the summer holidays get underway (4 - 5 weeks for me). I don't really like anyone in my school or town at the moment, apart from one girl, who I've known for almost 10 years, but never really talked to her. So I'm kind of stuck on what to do, and I don't exactly relish being single for the summer holidays again. Any help? (I know what I wrote is vague, but any help is good lets face it).

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Hey people of this thread :) I'm 17, and I've trying to get a girlfriend for quite a while now (I REALLY liked this girl before but it came to nothing). But now I want to get girlfriend before the summer holidays get underway (4 - 5 weeks for me). I don't really like anyone in my school or town at the moment, apart from one girl, who I've known for almost 10 years, but never really talked to her. So I'm kind of stuck on what to do, and I don't exactly relish being single for the summer holidays again. Any help? (I know what I wrote is vague, but any help is good lets face it).

 

 

 

Now I have a couple of problems with what you've told us. First of all, it seems your only motive for getting a girlfriend is just not to be single. I'll tell you straight away, that mentality diminishes your chances. Ironically, it's the guy who doesn't care about relationships who will get the girl since he's not desperate and is with them merely because he enjoys their company. I know what highschool is like (I have officially finished as of today btw ^_^) and there is a pressure for getting a girlfriend as well as shunning for those who get it but the ones who really have a good relationship are the ones who ignore the immature competition. So get a girlfriend because you'd interested in a girl and want to be with her, not because you have to avoid being single. The fact that you've imposed a timeframe only means you'll come across as needy/desperate which will kill your already low chances.

 

 

 

However, if you can drop the timeframe and the desperation motive, I've got some tips but before that, there's another problem. You mention that you don't like many of the girls except this ONE girl, which is known as 'one-itis' and is by far the most challenging problem for guys on this board and in the world (I was no exception). 'One-itis' refers to a guy who focuses on one certain girl (often times it goes to the point of obsession), in popular media this is called a "crush" and it is a real killer for relationships. Not only it makes a guy put all his eggs in one basket, but also makes the girl hard to approach. I don't believe that you don't like the other girls. In fact I think that you are treating this one girl as a higher being and thus making all the other girls look bad in comparison. A guy suffering of 'one-itis' typically avoids potential relationships with other girls (intentionally or unintentionally) to focus on this one girl. And even when you muster up the courage to ask this girl out, her rejection can be shattering. If you would like to greatly increase your success with girls, I'd recommend you completely forget about this girl and instead I recommend you talk, or hang out with or even flirt indiscriminately (that means ALL girls, not just the hot ones). Not only you'll gain invaluable experience but you'll broaden your social connections, appear less shallow and more interesting and people will merely enjoy your company. I tried this myself and it had drastic effects on my social life. I've now surrounded myself with girls and not only is it TOTALLY fun to playfully flirt with all of them (some of which even have boyfriends) but I was to ask out one of them (not the ones with boyfriends obviously), their rejection would bare little weight, I'd just say "oh well" and move on. With one-itis you effectively limit yourself to one option (or two in some cases) whilst I've got far greater options. (Also, having friends to go out with would make for a great summer, you don't need a girlfriend for that ;) ).

 

 

 

Once you stop worrying about getting a girlfriend and just go have fun with friends, you'll gain the confidence needed to take more risks and eventually you will get a girlfriend.

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Tommy - Then spend the summer getting to know the girl you barely talk to. 10 years is a long time to know someone without ever really talking to them. Since you don't know anybody it's a good time to start getting to know this girl and maybe she has some friends she could introduce you to.

 

 

 

You clearly have gotten over the first girl you really liked and you don't seem desperate to date the only girl you know. You would like a girlfriend though and at 17 I don't blame you.

 

 

 

So use it as a gateway to get to know others and her at the same time. You might develop a relationship with the girl or you may not. Maybe she has a hot friend instead? At least spend your summer having fun rather than concentrating on getting a girlfriend.

 

 

 

There are no special tricks you need to know other than common sense. Don't come across desperate for a girlfriend, be yourself and have fun.

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The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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Hey, thanks both of you for the advice :) I'll look foward to using it in the future, and then hopefully I can be more social and possibly have a strong realtionship if I get a girlfriend!

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Hey, thanks both of you for the advice :) I'll look foward to using it in the future, and then hopefully I can be more social and possibly have a strong realtionship if I get a girlfriend!

 

 

 

Perfect! that's the right mentality and attitude to have right there. I hope you can enjoy your summer.

 

 

 

There are no special tricks you need to know other than common sense. Don't come across desperate for a girlfriend, be yourself and have fun.

 

 

 

That's very true (except if "being yourself" means being a shy "nice guy" or abusive jerk). There are no special tricks, merely a mentality that you start off with and that you eventually calibrate as you gain more and more experience. Common sense.... well sometimes inexperienced instincts or society's influence can cause you to do things that you would consider "appropriate" and cause you to fail (I remember that what I learned to do was the dead opposite of what I would have otherwise done instinctively).

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Because I don't already know that... :P

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The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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That's very true (except if "being yourself" means being a shy "nice guy" or abusive jerk).

 

Might not get me many girlfriends, but otherwise what exactly is wrong in being a 'nice guy'? I'd find such a person more pleasant company than an ego-maniac who just can't get enough of himself.

 

 

 

It's important to remember getting a girlfriend isn't the be all and end all of life. Not unless you take an incredibly simplistic view anyway.

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Not to mention there are women who enjoy dating shy men, "nice guy" and abusive jerks. There is someone for everyone, even ego maniacs :lol:

 

 

 

If you don't know someone in any of those categories I'd be very surprised. Some preferred over others but all comes down to personal preference.

 

 

 

And obviously eventually people are going to fail, name someone who hasn't. You learn, pick yourself back up and try again.

 

 

 

Those who try too hard at not failing are missing out on valuable lessons.

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The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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Not sure if anyone remembers my story or not here. :S Was all about this girl Katherine.

 

 

 

Well, heres an update for you guys!

 

 

 

I still haven't got the guts to ask her out to lunch or anything yet. :S I feel nows the time to ask her. Why? We talk alot, and I mean ALOT. She calls me EVERY morning to wake me up and to wish me a good day. I love hearing her voice when I wake up. We talk about everything normal teenagers talk about. Work, school, studies. You know, normal stuff. :P

 

 

 

Lately I've been getting messages from her that end in 'xoxo' and such. Maybe she likes me or maybe that's just what you females do. Lol. Also, my friend Casey thinks she likes me aswell. She's a girl so she would most likely know these things. I still like her alot, just don't really know when and how to ask her really. :S

 

 

 

So I bring it here to you guys, what should I do?

 

 

 

/Squiggly.

Diljot <3

 

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That's very true (except if "being yourself" means being a shy "nice guy" or abusive jerk).

 

Might not get me many girlfriends, but otherwise what exactly is wrong in being a 'nice guy'? I'd find such a person more pleasant company than an ego-maniac who just can't get enough of himself.

 

 

 

I think we may be able to discuss an interesting topic, so I want to make sure you're not talking about me as the "ego-maniac". If not, good. You've sort of answered the question anyways, since getting a girlfriend is sort of the entire point here, the nice guy is an unfavorable. Sure, girls like being around them (and apparently for you as well) but when it comes to an actual relationship, that's a different story. Girls have no problem being around them since they're comfortable, non-threatening and do nice things. I've literally witnessed a scene where one guy was acting nice and comfortable to quite an extreme, whilst I had fun making bold-ish comments and leading all the conversation. I was able to stimulate them and was getting quite a good response. It was quite a fun experience and showed me the risks of being "too nice". (note: I didn't go towards the other extreme and act rude/offensive, I was looking for that perfect middle.)

 

 

 

Paraphrasing what goddess posted ages ago about the sensitive jerk: "the nice guy will appear to the girls as more of a girlfriend than a boyfriend". So it's great for making friends, but if you're interested in a relationship, you run a high risk of "let's just be friends". I prefer to stick midway between the nice guy and the jerk and have fun talking to these girls whilst at the same time be far more likely to pursue a relationship.

 

 

 

It's important to remember getting a girlfriend isn't the be all and end all of life. Not unless you take an incredibly simplistic view anyway.

 

 

 

Well my original advice was pointed towards someone who's goal was to get a girlfriend, but even so I still think it's quite an important part of life.

 

 

 

Not to mention there are women who enjoy dating shy men, "nice guy" and abusive jerks. There is someone for everyone, even ego maniacs

 

 

 

That's true, but evidence leads me to believe that far more girls (including those who feel "comfortable" around a nice guy) are looking for a guy who shows confidence. Plenty of nice guys have girlfriends, but were they able to do so with ease? or did they have to try their luck with a lot of girls? My money's on the confident sensitive jerk.

 

 

 

So in the end, if being yourself means to be a nice guy (although sometimes guys will actually act overly nice in attempts to woo a girl, so in that context "be yourself" would be something I agree with) I'd HIGHLY recommend you get some more confidence or be stuck with a lot of "I'm sorry, but let's just be friends" even if that means acting like you don't normally act (within reason).

 

 

 

Right, now onto the main question:

 

 

 

Not sure if anyone remembers my story or not here. :S Was all about this girl Katherine.

 

 

 

Well, heres an update for you guys!

 

 

 

I still haven't got the guts to ask her out to lunch or anything yet. :S I feel nows the time to ask her. Why? We talk alot, and I mean ALOT. She calls me EVERY morning to wake me up and to wish me a good day. I love hearing her voice when I wake up. We talk about everything normal teenagers talk about. Work, school, studies. You know, normal stuff. :P

 

 

 

Lately I've been getting messages from her that end in 'xoxo' and such. Maybe she likes me or maybe that's just what you females do. Lol. Also, my friend Casey thinks she likes me aswell. She's a girl so she would most likely know these things. I still like her alot, just don't really know when and how to ask her really. :S

 

 

 

So I bring it here to you guys, what should I do?

 

 

 

Scenario here is a little iffy, not bad, just not a favorable situation.

 

 

 

After talking to her (or whenever):"My friends an I are doing xyz this Sunday, wanna come along?" or "I'm going to xyz this afternoon, wanna come along?". That's my favorite way of asking. It's casual, I don't even mention the word "date". You could of course do the traditional "I wanna go on a date with you" but that tends to be a little more awkward.

 

 

 

The only thing that's important is that you do it in person. No texting, MSN or letters. Those make her less likely to say yes since you don't show enough confidence.

76th to reach 99 Construction on 6th of February 2007

379th to reach 99 Runecrafting on 4th of November 2007

 

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Finally the secrets of goal achieving are revealed! (give my guide a read :^_^: )

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I think we may be able to discuss an interesting topic, so I want to make sure you're not talking about me as the "ego-maniac". If not, good.

 

I don't use cryptic messages to tell people exactly what I think of them.

 

 

 

That's true, but evidence leads me to believe that far more girls (including those who feel "comfortable" around a nice guy) are looking for a guy who shows confidence. Plenty of nice guys have girlfriends, but were they able to do so with ease? or did they have to try their luck with a lot of girls? My money's on the confident sensitive jerk.

 

There's actually been psychological studies into this? I'm sorry, but what evidence would this be?

 

 

 

Secondly, it is possible to show confidence without acting like a 'sensitive jerk', or whatever you call it. The confidence of being yourself, and feeling comfortable with it, would be one such example.

 

 

 

squiggly321: You don't need advice, just reassurance. If it's what you want, go for it. Ask her how she feels about the status between you two, if you and her are both comfortable, ask her out. That simple. :P

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I don't use cryptic messages to tell people exactly what I think of them.

 

 

 

good.

 

 

 

There's actually been psychological studies into this? I'm sorry, but what evidence would this be?

 

 

 

No concrete evidence, just stuff that I noticed. It's pretty common that girls want a guy with confidence and NOT the 'nice guy'. Instead, they are looking for the ideal "sensitive jerk".

 

 

 

Secondly, it is possible to show confidence without acting like a 'sensitive jerk', or whatever you call it. The confidence of being yourself, and feeling comfortable with it, would be one such example.

 

 

 

Right, but if you identify yourself as an insecure shy person, then how will being yourself help anything? You see, that's the problem. I know that often guys will go out of their way to be nice and in that case "be yourself" can help. But what if 'be yourself' encourages the person to be too nice? it could play against them. I think people should just go out in a social environment and experiment, see what works and what doesn't and then change the stuff that doesn't work. If they can do that then I guess I don't have a problem with a person being who they are. It depends how the advice is interpreted. It sounds like it's supposed to mean stay true to who you are but to a certain degree people can change and still be true to who they are. That's what I'm looking for.

76th to reach 99 Construction on 6th of February 2007

379th to reach 99 Runecrafting on 4th of November 2007

 

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Finally the secrets of goal achieving are revealed! (give my guide a read :^_^: )

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There's actually been psychological studies into this? I'm sorry, but what evidence would this be?

 

 

 

No concrete evidence, just stuff that I noticed. It's pretty common that girls want a guy with confidence and NOT the 'nice guy'. Instead, they are looking for the ideal "sensitive jerk".

 

That would be a "I can't give evidence because I'm portraying my opinions as fact without any sort of credentials or evidence to back them up" then. In other words, a completely baseless assumption.

 

 

 

Secondly, it is possible to show confidence without acting like a 'sensitive jerk', or whatever you call it. The confidence of being yourself, and feeling comfortable with it, would be one such example.

 

 

 

Right, but if you identify yourself as an insecure shy person, then how will being yourself help anything? You see, that's the problem. I know that often guys will go out of their way to be nice and in that case "be yourself" can help. But what if 'be yourself' encourages the person to be too nice? it could play against them. I think people should just go out in a social environment and experiment, see what works and what doesn't and then change the stuff that doesn't work. If they can do that then I guess I don't have a problem with a person being who they are. It depends how the advice is interpreted. It sounds like it's supposed to mean stay true to who you are but to a certain degree people can change and still be true to who they are. That's what I'm looking for.

 

I'm not suggesting becoming a lap-dog and whenever someone else goes "jump" you say "how high?". Yes I'll crack the odd teasing comment with someone who I know won't take it personally, but just as a piece of friendly banter. However, I do that with all those that trust me that way, not necessarily those I want a relationship with. I'm just being myself. I don't understand how it is necessary at all to change your persona to make yourself more attractive to someone else, or even how anyone can think such a thing is a wise thing to do.

 

 

 

If being a 'sensitive jerk' isn't in your nature, don't try to be. You'll get caught out otherwise and rightly get a slap for being false. Be yourself, find someone who does like your true personality, not some façade that's been built up.

 

 

 

That's genuine confidence. How can you even begin to express outwards confidence if you don't even feel secure about yourself?

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That would be a "I can't give evidence because I'm portraying my opinions as fact without any sort of credentials or evidence to back them up" then. In other words, a completely baseless assumption.

 

 

 

It's not baseless at all. It's based on my constant observation as well as what many female friends have told me. No articles or scientific method though so it's not a concrete proof. Frankly I don't even bother trying to prove it, and could care less if you believed it. If you'd like to believe that all girls want is a nice guy then go right ahead.

 

 

 

I'm not suggesting becoming a lap-dog and whenever someone else goes "jump" you say "how high?". Yes I'll crack the odd teasing comment with someone who I know won't take it personally, but just as a piece of friendly banter. However, I do that with all those that trust me that way, not necessarily those I want a relationship with. I'm just being myself.

 

 

 

Perhaps the idea of "being yourself" is not so much towards your personality but instead how you interact. I'll get back to you on that.

 

 

 

I don't understand how it is necessary at all to change your persona to make yourself more attractive to someone else, or even how anyone can think such a thing is a wise thing to do.

 

 

 

I use to identify as a shy person who rarely talked to anyone except my friends (use to have a huge struggle getting along with people) and everyone else I would feel uncomfortable around. Nowadays I'm the center of a large social circle and many of my new friends have told me how glad they are that I have changed. I feel more confident now more so than ever and have almost reversed my situation socially. After such a drastic change, I don't like the idea of limiting yourself to who you identify as, although I never really acted as someone who I was not, I did evolve into a very different person. It's not about being more attractive to one specific person, it's about being a more attractive person to all women or in my case of all the people around me and all those who I have yet to meet. "being myself" refers to a very different personality now.

 

 

 

But perhaps I should consider the possibility that you can have such drastic changes AND still be yourself. If you consider thinking outside the box, perhaps that all along I was being myself

 

 

 

If being a 'sensitive jerk' isn't in your nature, don't try to be. You'll get caught out otherwise and rightly get a slap for being false. Be yourself, find someone who does like your true personality, not some façade that's been built up.

 

 

 

I think that we need to establish a difference between a fake personality and a change in personality. Of course, I perfectly agree that someone who decides to act different just because others do it or for whatever reason isn't good, and I've felt annoyed when someone acts nice alone but tries to act tough in a group. However, if a person gradually acts in a different way or builds on his personality he could end up acting completely different due to his change in personality. The problem I have with "be yourself" is that it suggests we shouldn't change our personality, however I am considering the possibility for one to change personality and still be himself even though drastic changes have occurred.

 

 

 

So basically. Acting like a sensitive jerk to impress a girl goes nowhere, but becoming a sensitive jerk whilst at the same time being yourself can go very far. That is, of course, if is possible for the two to co-exist.

 

 

 

That's genuine confidence. How can you even begin to express outwards confidence if you don't even feel secure about yourself?

 

 

 

It puzzles me, because I'm very secure about who I am (in fact one of the drastic changes left people saying that I have much more confidence than before), which would lead me to believe perhaps I have always "been myself".

76th to reach 99 Construction on 6th of February 2007

379th to reach 99 Runecrafting on 4th of November 2007

 

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Finally the secrets of goal achieving are revealed! (give my guide a read :^_^: )

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That's true, but evidence leads me to believe that far more girls (including those who feel "comfortable" around a nice guy) are looking for a guy who shows confidence. Plenty of nice guys have girlfriends, but were they able to do so with ease? or did they have to try their luck with a lot of girls? My money's on the confident sensitive jerk.

 

 

 

The word "evidence" should be used highly regarded and not from personal experiences. Try saying "It is my experience that..." or something similar.

 

 

 

Not to be petty and anal but in future when you're referring to something with a solid foundation I'm going to think you're talking about an experience you had.

 

 

 

Shy guys can attract women easily. Agreed, not as easily as someone with confidence but they have decided that is who they are in this point in time. If they want to be confident, they will learn to be confident, they would evolve. This evolve that takes place, is still being yourself.

 

 

 

I was drawn to Brent because he was a highly intelligent, nerd stereotype. I don't like overly confident, dominant, in your face guys with big egos. I don't like sports jocks, guys with big muscles, who are very social and need to party or have large amounts of friends.

 

 

 

Now also agreeably, these kinds of guys that I just pointed out above are liked by more women than the nerd stereotype.

 

 

 

I actually really enjoy being in the company of an average joe, who is introvert, shy but friendly, smart and enjoys a small circle of friends. If Brent had evolved in to any previous category, I wouldn't want to be with him.

 

 

 

I find myself an attractive woman who has never had trouble getting any attention from socially favorable men. Admittedly at your age Solidus (may I ask your real name?), I did enjoy those kind of guys, I wouldn't look twice at a nerd.

 

 

 

I came to discover through personal experience, they (men more socially liked by women) were very shallow people and definitely didn't make husband material as I grew older. I couldn't see a future with those types of people and I was at a different stage in life.

 

 

 

Very similarly, Brent only had experiences with more socially wanted women. He now cringes at the sight of those women. He said now that he is older he can't stand blondes on a stick, who have ultimate giggle power and intellectual instabilities.

 

 

 

Through my own experiences, older women/men who end up staying with those type of men/women have more marriage problems/divorces. I also learned through my teen years that girls/boys who were more socially wanted by boys/girls, had lower school grades, were more likely to cheat on their partner, binge drink and engage in risky sexual activity.

 

 

 

One fact I do know (and will provide evidence if wanted) is that successful marriages are based on the person who draws out approx. 90% of your past and helps you heal it (taking religion in to consideration.)

 

 

 

That correlates very highly as to why I had so many friends of mine fall in love with me. It wasn't any tricks I learned in books, it was the fact that I was an easy person to self disclose to for them.

 

 

 

Now something I found very funny, is a show I just finished watching on Dr Phil. He was actually critiquing the use of PUA today. By the end of the show he asked women and men to raise their hands if they found the use of the system acceptable. One person raised their hand. This person was a younger girl.

 

 

 

Ginger is by far one of the most mature headed guys I have talked to for someone of his age. I have suspicions that is the reason he and I are on similar wave lengths.

 

 

 

Perhaps age and mental age has a lot to do with this. An older audience and someone with a higher mental age has a much more different perception than the current one you value.

 

 

 

So as I was saying, be yourself. There is someone for everyone. As you evolve, you will find the perfect girl/guy for you anyway.

 

 

 

Perhaps the idea of "being yourself" is not so much towards your personality but instead how you interact. I'll get back to you on that.

 

 

 

The problem I have with "be yourself" is that it suggests we shouldn't change our personality, however I am considering the possibility for one to change personality and still be himself even though drastic changes have occurred.

 

 

 

Being yourself is a concept of personality that evolved from many stimuli. Meaning, it is multifaceted and still learns to better itself.

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The only people who tell you that you can't do something are those who have already given up on their own dreams so feel the need to discourage yours.

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Ah, Goddess, you have given me hope that I can actually find a long-term relationship ::'

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Being immature is a part of being mature.
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